Interlude - Mackily
We sent a message off to Sigurd, letting him know we took over Mackily without shedding blood. We set up watches on the Mackily soldiers to make sure they don't revolt, and I deal with the more troublesome ones with Sleep. Deirdre tries to get a promise out of Clement to not do anything, but he only shouts insults at her, so she tends to keep him Silenced. It's no trouble on the staves; the local smiths are excellent at repairs, even for unusual staves.
So, the days pass, as we wait for word from Sigurd, or maybe even words from Agusty. But, so far, the only letters are the ones from home.
I'd written a letter to Arvis, just so that this oddness stopped distracting me. He'd replied promptly, but it took me a few reads to even process the words.
'I am pleased to hear everything is well, aside from your confusing emotions, but from what I can see, it appears I need to challenge this man to a duel to ensure he can properly protect you! No, don't frown; I merely jest, mostly. But, truly, dearest sister, it seems as if you're in love with him. I can't wait until you're back home in Grannvale, so that I might meet him. Though, I must admit to feeling conflicted, as I wish to also have a Very Important talk with him about how he'd better treat you right. No, don't frown; it's a big brother thing. Sigurd will back me up on it. Regardless, though, do let me know if you two end up becoming a proper couple. I'll prepare a small welcoming feast for him. No, don't frown; it's the proper way to welcome him to the family. Yes, I know that's the third time I've written that. You always frown when you're about to disagree with me, and I'm sure you're disagreeing a lot at the moment. Oh, but don't let 'small' make you think that I mean to insult him. I just know that you'd rather keep such things simple. If you want a bigger feast, though, merely say the word, and I'll ensure it. I'll make sure there's lots of apple cider, of course. Azel says that there's not a lot in Agustria, so I sent some along with my letter to him. You deserve all the treats in the world, but I fear that this is what I can send without weighing down the messenger. Write again soon, Alicia. You know I live to read your letters.
With all my love, Arvis.'
It was definitely Arvis's handwriting. It was even how he normally wrote when he was particularly excited, freely. But I couldn't quite… I was in love with Chulainn? That's what this mess of emotions were? What madness was this? If it had been anyone else, I'd be tempted to dismiss the words out of hand, but Arvis was always honest with me, and more importantly, always did his best to answer my questions the best that he could.
Arvis thought I was in love with Chulainn. I had to admit that the phrase did 'thunk' into place, like the last stone in a wall. But it was still so baffling. I couldn't believe that I'd even have the time to fall in love.
"Oh, hey, is that from your brother?" A sudden voice behind me made me squeak, and I jerked my head up to see Lady Ayra leaning over my shoulder, not even pretending to be subtle about reading my letter. "Given how he's described, I didn't expect so friendly a letter, but then again, you're his little sister." She reached over to tilt the letter a bit to the right, to better read it. I just continued to stare. "Oh, wait, you wrote to him about Chulainn?"
"First of all, what are you doing in my room?" I finally managed to ask. I wasn't even in the infirmary. Since Finn was still the only patient, and since Lachesis had taken over for his recovery, I'd actually been in my room! "Second of all, there's no name mentioned. What makes you think it's about Chulainn?"
"Well, the answer to your first question is that I knocked, but no one answered, so I peeked in to make sure you weren't collapsed or something." She straightened and shrugged, crossing her arms. "My brother overworked a lot, so it's just something I'm used to still."
"I see." I squirmed, feeling like I couldn't quite scold her for that. After all, if I had collapsed, her coming in likely would've saved me. "Why did you remain?"
"What else? Curiousity. You've acted a bit strangely the past few days. I wondered if the letter had anything to do with it." She smiled slowly, eyes dancing with mischief. "As for how I knew it was about Chulainn? You two are the talk of the army."
"W-what?!" My voice went really squeaky, and my cheeks burned. "You must be joking!"
"Nope. Armies gossip all the time, and the current topic is you two. Even Shanan joins in." She laughed as I groaned. "I think there's some betting pools, but no one brings that up much around me. I think there's one involving me too."
"Ugh…" I had no idea how to react. How could they respect me as a healer if they thought I was… was some sort of lovesick twit? "This is the worst."
"Nah, most think it's cute." She plopped down on my bed, since I had no chairs besides the one I was sitting in, and pointed to the letter, which I quickly tucked into a medicinal book to hide. My blush darkened when I realized it was one of the notebooks Chulainn had gathered for me, with local remedies. "So, you had to ask? You really didn't know?"
"I didn't even have friends growing up, much less crushes!" I never got close enough to anyone. "So, yes, I had to ask!"
"Oh." She tilted her head, and she really reminded me of a cat right now, especially with her all perched on my bed. "Well, alright. Points for you, though, is that I'm pretty certain Chulainn is at least interested."
"I don't even know!" I groaned, burying my face in my arms on the desk. I felt mortified. "What the heck am I supposed to do?"
"You could ignore it, which isn't fun, or tell him, which… isn't very fun, but it's slightly better, at least in my opinion." She got up and rested a gentle hand on my back. "Ultimately, at least. For now, why not just spend some more time with him?"
"I have my work." My voice was muffled. "I always have my work."
"Now that sounds like running away." She shifted, black hair falling down almost like a curtain, and she smiled at me. "Come on. Won't it be more distracting thinking of thing while trying to work?"
"...Darn it." I whimpered. "Why do you have to be right?"
"Someone has to be." Her smile grew. "Well, how about for now, just for now, you come with me to the market? We can shop for Shanan, and you can calm down a bit and actually think of what you want to do."
"...I can do that." I straightened slowly, still feeling horribly awkward. Why did the bards always sing of 'glorious love'? I just felt like an idiot. "Hey, is this the advice you're taking with Lex, by the way?"
"FREAKING HELL!" Her yelp, and blush, made me laugh. "L-Lex has nothing to do with anything!"
"I'm sure." I smiled finally. "Here, ramble at me. You listened to me, after all, Lady Ayra."
"...Fine, on one condition." She leaned down and frowned at me. "Drop the 'lady'. Just call me 'Ayra'."
"...Very well, Ayra." My smile grew, and she returned it. "Shall we head to the market, then?"
After returning from the market, I went to find Deirdre. It occurred to me that, as my best friend, Deirdre really should be one of the first to know I'd 'figured out' my feelings for Chulainn. I even had a good excuse for bringing her into the infirmary. Knowledge of her pregnancy had spread through the army, and her morning illnesses were getting worse as she progressed through her first trimester. I needed to give her a check up anyway.
Of course, that was made harder but just how giddy she was. "Oh, I'm so happy for you!" she gushed, giggling and beaming. Her bright smile almost made me think all this confusion was worth it. "Are you going to tell him?"
"I haven't decided yet," I replied, sipping my cider. I'd let Deirdre have a little bit, but her stomach was still turning, so we stuck mostly to a bit of ginger tea for her. I made sure to make it myself, since I'd always heard that 'too much' ginger increased the chance of miscarrying. "I did just realize it."
"Right, right!" She giggled again, and it amazed me how happy she was. I wondered if it was a side effect of the pregnancy. "Azel, aren't you excited?"
"Not really," Azel mumbled. He'd come to deliver the apple cider, and I'd told him about my feelings for Chulainn as well, since he was my little brother. He'd been sulky ever since. "I mean… my sister. No one's good enough for my sister. She's the best."
"Aw, but Azel, isn't it better to focus on how happy she can be?" Deirdre asked. She pouted at him. "After all, falling in love with Sigurd has given me more happiness than I ever dreamed of!"
"But…" He groaned, and sunk more into his chair. "This is why I should've spent more time with you, Alicia. I'm supposed to scare off suitors."
"You're scaring no one with that sulk, Azel. You look like a puppy, actually."
"Hey!" His sulk deepened, and proved Deirdre's point further. She giggled, and I couldn't help but laugh as well. "Mean…"
"Well, what's wrong with Chulainn? What makes you not like him?"
"It's not that I don't like him. I mean; I barely know him." Azel shrugged. "I can admit he's kind, and that he helps Lady Sister a lot. But it's the principle of the thing!" He flailed a bit, and then yelped as he nearly fell off the chair. "Principle! Sigurd would understand."
"So, it's a brother thing?"
"Pretty much. No one is good enough for the sister, especially when she's the only sister."
"I'm the only one you know of," I pointed out. Honestly, given how many mistresses our father had, it really wouldn't surprise me if there were more. "How did Arvis find out about me again?"
"His mother's journals," Azel answered easily. He shrugged. "I mean; your mom was her best friend. I think she hoped things would calm enough for her to take you back. It's not like our father kept any sort of records on things like that."
"There's no way he cared enough." I sighed, drooping at the thought of him. He had so many mistresses, but Lady Cigyun cheated once, after years of abuse, and suddenly, she was the pariah. He truly had been a horrible, hypocritical man. The only good thing about his was that he gave me my brothers. "That's a bit of a shame."
"Oh, now you two have gone and made yourselves sad," Deirdre scolded. She pouted again at both of us. "Don't do that!"
"Sorry, our father brings the mood down all the time," Azel replied. He shrugged, and smiled slightly. "I don't like him. But I got Arvis and Alicia thanks to him, so it's fine."
"I suppose." She got a thoughtful look on her face. "All that just makes me wonder about my own father. I don't know him. My mother just appeared at the village, heavily pregnant, and passed away soon after giving birth to me." She became worried suddenly. "Oh, wait, is that going to cause problems for Sigurd?"
"Wish I could deny it, but there's people in the court already mocking you and Sigurd for your 'unknown' past." Azel's smile grew, though, even as Deirdre drooped. "But just as many leap to your defense. Most of the ones mocking you are just angry that Sigurd didn't marry one of their daughters." He snickered. "Someone made the mistake of thinking Arvis would sympathize. Tailtiu told me that the only way Arvis could've burned him more is by using Valflame on him!"
"Really?" Deirdre perked up a little at that. "Does he like Sigurd that much?"
"Well, he does, but I'm sure part of it is also because you're Alicia's best friend." Azel flashed me a smile, and I smiled back. "So, you're like… family. Arvis protects family."
"I really need to meet and thank him." Deirdre's smile returned. "Do you think we can just make a little trip out of it, after things calm down in Agustria?"
"Well, that could take a bit. But I'm sure he'd love it!" Azel grinned. "He loved the last surprise visit, after all!"
"Alicia told me about it! It sounded like so much fun!" Her eyes sparkled. "Velthomer sounds beautiful. I hope to see it."
"That's right! You've never even seen Chalphy, have you?"
"No, I haven't. Can you two tell me about it?"
"Well, it's definitely just as pretty as Velthomer in my opinion, though in a different way, and-"
"Hey, Alicia, can I come in?" Shanan suddenly peeked around the doorframe, smiling shyly. The necklace Ayra and I bought him dangled from his neck, a simple thing with a blue 'good luck charm' pendant. It was, apparently, a prized trinket in Augustria, so we had to get it for him. "I want to see something outside," he explained. "And I think the infirmary has the best view."
"You are always welcome with us, Shanan," I reassured, holding out my hand to him. He grinned and raced over, bypassing my hand entirely to give me a hug. I barely had time to hug him back before he jumped away to hug Azel and Deirdre. "What is it you want to see?"
"Come look!" Shanan grinned and raced for the windows, laughing as he used the ledge to lift himself off the floor. I spent a moment marveling at how he'd regained enough strength to do that. "Come look, guys!"
Deirdre instantly went over, and Azel and I exchanged a look and a shrug before heading to the window too. This was the first time I'd realized the infirmary actually had a very lovely view of Mackily's inner gardens, overflowing with peonies and irises. So caught up was I in the view, that it wasn't until Deirdre and Azel started laughing that I even realized that Shanan had wanted to see something in the garden, and not just look at the garden itself.
It took me a moment to find what it was, but when I did, I smiled, unable to help it. Finn and Lachesis were walking slowly through the gardens, with her supporting his back and shoulder as they looked at the flowers. Though I knew it was mostly physical therapy, helping Finn regain the strength he'd lost from healing and being stuck in bed, I had to admit that the two of them made a very pretty picture.
"Say, can we set them up?" Deirdre whispered, her eyes sparkling. She grinned as Shanan instantly nodded. "You think that's a good idea too?"
"I think you should wait until Finn's healed," I pointed out. I couldn't help but smile, though. "Don't stress the poor boy and keep him in the infirmary longer. He'll be miserable."
"Which would be bad, even if it would give Lady Lachesis more time to tend to him," Azel dryly pointed out. He grinned when I swatted him on the shoulder. "Whatever. Let's move our drinks over here by the window. Prince Shanan, do you want cider?"
At one point during our little 'tea party by the window', Finn actually looked up, as if he knew eyes were on him. Thankfully, though, at the time, I'd been the only one looking, so I simply smiled and waved. He smiled back, and nudged Lachesis, who grinned and waved too. I had little doubts I'd get one of her little reports later.
But, for now, Finn was healing, Lachesis was gaining confidence, and I was spending time with some of my favorite people. It was strange, how content I was with my life, tangled emotions over certain mercenaries notwithstanding. But it was a good 'strange', so I didn't mind.
While going through my medicines, I realized I actually wasn't well stocked with all the proper things to help a woman through her pregnancy, and even less in things to maximizing the chances of a safe birth. So, I went into the market again, and this time, I went with Chulainn. I hadn't planned that. I'd actually planned on going alone, but then someone mentioned that it wasn't wise, considering we did take over Mackily. Then, 'strangely', everyone I'd normally consider going with (Aideen, Lachesis, Azel after Deirdre kicked his shin, Deirdre herself, and Ayra) were 'busy', except for Chulainn, who mentioned that King Jamke had actually taken over his normal patrol unexpectedly, leaving him with some free time he didn't know what to do with.
They set me up. I knew they did, and I would find some way to get back at them for it.
"Ah, there's so much conflicting information," I murmured, looking at some medicines in one of the stalls. The stall owner gave me free reign once I mentioned I was a healer, leaving me alone to look through. "X is poisonous, so use Y. Y is poisonous, so use X. That's not even considering how what works for one person is useless for another."
"If you keep glaring at the vials, they're going to start shaking," Chulainn teased. He smiled slightly when I shot him a glare over my shoulder. "Are these supplements necessary? It seems to me that everyone eats well enough."
"Even with a large variety and a balanced diet, it's difficult for a mother to get all the nutrients she and the baby needs. Supplements help ensure that's the case." I sighed, whimpering a little. "But this was never my specialty as a healer. I've assisted as a midwife before, but most women would see other healers for prenatal care, preferably an actual midwife."
"So, why can't we get one for Deirdre?"
"The main reason is that we're in enemy territory, and it's not that hard to kill a pregnant woman, or make her miscarry." My hands shook at the thought. Deirdre was so happy about her pregnancy. I knew Sigurd would be too. So, I wanted to do all I could to make sure she, and her baby, would be healthy. "We have no idea if someone is genuine or not."
"I see." Chulainn reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear. Once again, I wondered if I should tighten or loosen my hair pin, but this time, I knew it was because I liked him brushing my hair back, but it was horribly embarrassing. "How about this? I find one, and ask what they recommend. I'll use the excuse that you've noticed some close bonds in the army and want to be prepared. Meanwhile, you focus more on getting some medicines that are hard for you to make."
"I…" I gave him a thankful smile. "That would be perfect. Thank you."
"Anytime." He smiled back, and then ducked out of the stall, moving through the crowd easily. I went to the medicines, picking through for ones that were always good to have more of, or those that were rare in Agustria since they weren't local herbs. Unfortunately, though, my skill worked against me, and I'd finished with that task long before Chulainn returned. I arranged with the stall owner for the medicines to be delivered to the stall, mentioned that I would likely be back after my companion got a list for me, and stepped uncertainly away from the stall. There were a lot of people here, and that made me nervous. The people of Mackily seemed mostly grateful to not be governed by Clement anymore, but was that cheer simply a way to hide their anger?
No one else worried about it, but that just made me worry more. Someone had to, and if I was right, I was the one who'd tend to all the injured. So…
"Well, aren't you a pretty one?" A man I didn't know suddenly came over to talk to me. I looked at him in confusion before glancing around, wondering who he was referring to. "I meant you, miss," he continued, smiling. I gave him another confused look, and wondered if I needed to get his eyes checked. "Say, why don't you and I go for a drink?"
"I don't drink," I replied. Noticing how close he was, I stepped back, but he only stepped forward. "Would you please keep your distance? I like my personal space."
"Oh, but it's so much easier to talk when we're close." He reached up towards my hair, but I smacked his hand away. My skin crawled. "Ow, what was that for?"
"You are invading my personal space. I already told you to keep your distance." I stepped back again, and glowered when he followed me. "Leave me be. I do not wish to speak with you."
"Don't be like that." He grabbed my arm, but I jerked it out of his grip. "I'm a very friendly guy."
"I am not a very friendly girl. I am waiting for someone, and have no time for you." This time I took two steps back, but he still followed me. "What part of any of this do you not understand? I don't want anything to do with you."
"You'd like me if you gave me a chance." This time when he snatched my arm, he squeezed. "So, come on and-"
"I said no!" I slapped him in the face and stomped on his foot. As soon as I was free, I ran into the crowd, pushing my way through. People yelped as I passed, and I winced as I heard second yelps behind me. He was following, and he screamed abuses after me. Most people just stopped and stared, like they had no idea what was going on. I couldn't quite blame them. I didn't know quite what was going on either.
I ran into someone suddenly, and I jumped back, apologies bubbling to my lips. But a gentle hand brushed my hair behind my ear, and I jerked my head up to see I'd run into Chulainn. He held a list in one hand, and cupped my cheek with the other, eyes worried. I glanced back and pointed as the strange man appeared from the crowd, wild eyed and breathing heavily.
"...Is there a reason you're bothering her?" Chulainn asked softly. His hand fell from my face and he moved to stand in front of me protectively. The man simply stared in shock. "What's your name?"
"What's it to you, pretty boy?" the man spat. All eyes were on us now, and I shifted uncomfortably. "Damn foreigner."
"Well, I'm not exactly from here either," I snapped, bristling. My temper burned. "I am the Chief Healer for Sigurd's army. He's a mercenary and in Sigurd's employ." The man's jaw dropped. "Oh, so you'll listen to that, but not anything else I said? You're pathetic!"
"...Bitch!" He threw something at me, but Chulainn deflected it. "I…" His eyes widened from fear, and he bolted, knocking a few people over in the process.
"Can someone tell me his name?" Chulainn asked the crowd. I smiled at the people when I noticed they were shifting uncomfortably, my 'perfect healer' smile. It made them relax, as it always made people relax. "If he went through the trouble of chasing her through a crowd, I'm worried that he's harassed others before."
It still took a few moments, but finally, someone did give us a name. We thanked them for the trouble, and returned to the medicine stall to drop off the list Chulainn had gotten, with instructions to add those medicines to what I'd already ordered. Afterwards, we headed back to the castle, taking a long way just in case that man was still around, waiting to ambush.
We walked in silence, and now that I no longer had medicines or work to distract me, I thought. I thought about what just happened. I thought about how I let him touch my hair and cheek, but slapped away that man when he tried the same. I thought about just Chulainn in general, how he was always there, even though I was so used to a healer being alone. I thought about my feelings, newly discovered, but having been there for some time. I thought about my talk with Ayra, and how she had mentioned fretting over these feelings would be a distraction. I thought of how happy Deirdre had been when I told her, and how sulky Azel had been.
I thought of all those things, and decided that, for once, I just needed to take a leap of faith. After all, it wasn't as if I wouldn't have places to hide if things turned awkward. Dealing with this tangle of thoughts and emotions was going to be tiring before long, and I couldn't afford to be tired. Being a healer was emotionally draining as is, and I was the Chief Healer for this army. I had my duty.
"Hey, Chulainn?" I began, noticing we weren't far from the castle's gate now. I stopped on the path, and waited for him to do the same. He turned to face me, giving me a curious look. "I…" My voice was soft, though it didn't shake. I was surprised about that. "I think I like you." The words themselves also came easily, though I felt like my stomach had turned into butterflies and that my face was on fire. "I…" At his continued silence, though, I lost my nerve and looked down, feeling mortified. "I hope that will not be a problem."
"...Really?" he replied. His voice sounded so neutral. The butterflies in my stomach died from dread, and I had the overwhelming urge to run. "You don't know much about my past, you know."
"I know enough to know it's painful for you to think about. I know enough to see where it has shaped you." I glanced up at him, and felt… actually, felt my temper burn a little that he appeared so calm, while I felt ridiculous and foolish. So, I glowered, despite knowing it wasn't the least bit intimidating with my face resembling a bruised tomato. "Besides, it's not your past self I like. It's your present self. Your past is your own, and if you want to tell me more, I'll listen gladly. But I don't need to know it to know you, as you are now."
"..." He smiled then, his small, almost boyish smile, and all of my anger fled with my thoughts. "How do you do that? How do you know just what to say?"
"I speak my mind. Nothing more." I was pleased that I held command of my tongue still. "Perhaps it is the healer in me, to see your heart and the wounds on it."
"So, am I a patient?"
"You will be if you don't give me a proper answer." My temper flared back. "I asked if my… feelings would be a problem, and you did not reply."
"No, I got startled, and I stalled to buy time for my mind to start again." He reached out to take my hand, unbandaged now since the wound had long since healed thanks to staves, and lifted it to kiss gently. "No, they are no problem. I think I like you too, after all."
"Really?" Now my voice became playful, and I grinned, delighted by the exasperated look on his face. "You know that I'm a workaholic, right?"
"I think I got that by now, yes. But, then again, your devotion is one of the things I like, even if it worries me." He smiled again, that lovely, almost boyish smile. "You're fun to be around, though."
"I'm pleased to hear that." My grin grew. "You're fun to be around too, you know. Relaxing."
"I'm pleased to hear that." His smile grew, and he leaned down and kissed my temple. "I'm not much of a romantic, though. I don't know how to do romance."
"You think I know either?" I leaned into him, and shyly wrapped my free arm around him. His hand still held mine, after all. "I doubt I'll be good at it, with how much I focus on my duty. But…"
"We can flail together. We can make it work for us." He returned my hug, and didn't release my hand. "I could get to like sunsets."
"Hmm?" I glanced to the side, and realized the sun was setting now. "They're rather pretty, aren't they?" I smiled, feeling giddy yet peaceful. This felt nice. "I could get to like them too."
We stayed there for a long moment, only stepping out of the hug when the sun fully set. He continued holding my hand as we returned to the castle, and I intertwined our fingers in a little bit of boldness. His smile told me he didn't mind.
We'd flail a lot. Neither of us were good with people. But… we could make this work. I thought we could, at least.
Author's notes: Fun fact. Aside from the canon Deirdre-Sigurd, I often get my first 'locked' couple in chapter 2, around this point in fact (shortly before or shortly after capturing Mackily), though it's typically Aideen-Midir. Here, it's Chulainn-Alicia.
Next Chapter - Feathers
