October came and went with little fanfare. The Shepherds had moved into their apartment and broke ground on their new house. Addison had informed her family of the pregnancy, and as she expected, they didn't have much to say. Derek's family on the other hand called almost daily to check on her and the babies. She wasn't sure which one was worse!
"Derek, can you believe I am 16 weeks already?!:" Addison exclaimed as she looked at herself sideways in the mirror. "I look more like 24 weeks! These babies are going to be huge!"
"They aren't the only things getting huge these days." Derek smirked glancing at her breasts as he began to brush his teeth. Addison turned and just rolled her eyes at him. She walked over to their double sink and started to get ready for bed.
Derek walked over to their bed after he was done brushing his teeth and started taking off all the extra pillows. He never understood why they needed so many decorative pillows on their bed, but they were important to Addison, so he put up with it. While taking off what seemed like the millionth pillow, Derek heard a knock at the door. He sighed and went to answer it. He knew it had to be Mark, as no one else would be knocking on the door this late at night!
"What Mark?" Derek asked as he opened the door. It was indeed his best friend.
"Well, hello to you too." Mark smirked as he walked into the living room.
"Mark, it is 10:00. What are you doing here?" Derek asked, closing the door and following his friend.
"I'm hungry." Mark said shrugging his shoulders and walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled out a piece of leftover fried chicken.
"Mark, you have a fridge full of food. Why are you eating ours?" Addison commented as she joined them in the kitchen.
"Yes, but I don't have fried chicken and I knew you were craving fried chicken earlier today, so I figured you would have some leftovers." Mark said with a mouthful of chicken.
"Seriously, Mark…" Addison paused mid-sentence and looked down at her stomach.
"Addie, are you ok?" Derek asked when he noticed the odd look on his wife's face. He went to her side as her hands went to her stomach.
"I'm fine, honey." Addison said as she continued to look at her baby bump and smiled really big. "I just felt one of the babies move for the first time." She said, looking up at Derek and tearing up.
"Really?" Derek said excitedly and immediately put his hands on Addison's belly.
"You won't be able to feel them just yet, Babe." Addison laughed.
"I know. I can't wait until then!" Derek said, leaning in to kiss Addison. She began to deepen the kiss.
"Hey! I am still here!" Mark exclaimed.
"Then you should go, Mark. Take all the fried chicken you want." Addison replied as she began to pull Derek to the bedroom.
A few days later, Derek found Addison at the nurses station on the OB floor looking over a chart and eating an apple.
"Hey" he said, kissing her on the cheek.
"Hey" Addison replied, handing the chart back to one of the nurses. "How is your day going?"
"Pretty well. Actually, really well." Derek exclaimed, smiling. "I need to talk to you about something that has come up. Are you free right now?"
"I've got about 30 minutes before my next surgery." Addison said, looking at her husband suspiciously. "What is going on?"
"Let's go to your office." Derek said, heading down the hallway without waiting for a response. Addison followed him wondering what in the world could be causing her husband to walk so quickly.
Addison closed the door behind her, walked over to her couch, and sat down. She crossed her legs, crossed her arms over her chest, and looked up at Derek. He was pacing back and forth, trying to hide his smile. Addison had seen him like this only a few times. Every time it was something he was excited about but she wasn't.
"Ok, Derek. Just spit it out." Addison said after a few minutes. Derek walked over and sat down next to her.
"Alright, but when I tell you this, please remember that you and the babies are my top priority." he paused and looked in her eyes. Addison just continued to stare at him.
"Ok, I get it. The babies and I are your top priority. Now out with it!" Addison exclaimed when Derek didn't continue.
"You know I have been consulting on a clinical trial, correct?" he asked, taking her hands in his.
"Yes…." she said slowly.
"Well, today, the doctor in charge asked me if I would like to take over phase two. We have been running clinical models on Recurrent Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Cancer. One specific model we have been running is to inject a virus into the tumor. The theory is this would kill the tumor from the inside out, preventing it from recurring. We have been approved to test it on 13 patients here at Seattle Grace." Derek said quickly. He paused to let Addison digest what he said.
She got up from the couch and walked over to her desk. She knew Derek was excited about this, and while a part of her was excited for him, she also feared he would start becoming consumed with work again.
"Addie, Love. say something." Derek said softly walking over behind her.
"When will the trial run from?" she asked, turning to face him.
"The surgeries to insert the virus will run from now until mid-January. I will be doing 2 a week, excluding the weeks of Thanksgiving and Christmas." Derek wrapped his arms around Addison's waist and pulled her close. "This is a good thing, Addie. Just think of all the lives that will be saved if this works!"
Addison put her arms on Derek's chest and pushed back a little so she could look him in the eye.
"I am not thrilled with the idea; however, I will support this if this is what I want." Addison said cautiously. Derek pulled her into a tight hug.
"I will go call Dr. Hoover and let him know!" he exclaimed. He kissed Addison and left her office with a huge smile.
Addison slowly walked over to her chair and sat down. Her hands immediately rested on her baby bump as she felt the babies move. She was very nervous about what was going to happen over the next few weeks. Not only was Derek going to be doing a clinical trial, but it would also be the holidays. They had only begun to discuss going back for a few days around Christmas. Would that still happen?
"Little Ones, I know Daddy is excited about this clinical trial, and I know it can help save a lot of lives if it works, but I am afraid it will take too much of his time." Addison said as she looked down at her baby bump. In response, she felt a really strong kick. It surprised her so much she jumped out of the chair. It was the first actual kick she had felt. She immediately left her office to go find Derek.
Addison rushed down the hallway to the elevator and collided with Dr. Torres as she turned the corner.
"Addison, where in the world are you going in such a hurry?!" Dr. Torres chided.
"Sorry, Callie. I was just in a hurry to find my husband." Addison said smiling. Calle gave her an odd look.
"I know all about those second trimester hormones and how much you need your husband." Dr. Torres retorted.
"Oh my gosh, Callie! No! I just felt the babies move and wanted to tell Derek!" Addison said shocked. Callie too broke out into a smile.
"How cool! Are they moving now?" she asked her friend as she began to put her hands on Addison's stomach.
"No, they aren't. And why does everyone think it is ok to just touch a pregnant lady's belly?" Addison muttered to herself. .
"Because your baby bump is so cute!" Callie laughed giving her friend a hug. "Oh, and your husband is in his office with Grey."
"What?" Addison said, surprised.
"Uh, I think they were going over some charts." Callie stammered, realizing that what she said could have been taken wrong.
"Ok, well, I will head to his office then." Addison said plastering a fake smile on her face. She was trying really hard not to jump to conclusions, but the pregnancy hormones were making it really hard to think clearly.
Addison decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. As she was entering the stairwell, George was coming out and didn't see her. He opened the door and hit her in the head, knocking her over.
"Dr. Shepherd! I am so sorry!" George exclaimed rushing to help her. Addison felt dazed and looked up at Dr. O'Malley.
"You are bleeding!" he cried out. By now several other doctors and nurses noticed what was going on and someone had brought a gurney over to Addison. Addison tried to sit up but was stopped by Burke.
"Addison, you need to stay still. You have quite the cut on your forehead and took what I am assuming was a big fall. I have paged Derek." Dr. Burke spoke calmly. Just as he finished, Derek came running down the hallway. As he saw Addison laying on the floor with a bloody forehead he immediately thought the worst.
"Addie! Oh my gosh! What happened? Are you ok?" he called out, fighting back tears. Addison gave him a weak smile.
"I am fine Derek. Dr. O' Malley accidently knocked me over with the stairwell door. I have no broken bones. Everyone can stop making such a fuss." Addison said waving everyone away.
"No, Addie. You and the babies need to be checked out." Derek said adametedly. He knelt down and picked Addison up as if she weighed nothing and set her down on the gurney. He watched as one of the nurses wheeled Addison into an exam room.
Once Derek was certain that Addison was out of immediate danger, his attention turned to the twins.
"We need to get an ultrasound in here now! Also, some one page Mark Sloan to come stitch up Addison's cut." Derek commanded the nurses.
"Already on it." Nurse Shelly announced as she entered the room with the machine. "Dr. Rahar is on her way to check you and the babies out, Dr. Shepherd, and Dr. Sloan has been paged."
"Please just put the ultrasound want on my stomach so I can check on my babies." Addison pleaded. She didn't want to wait for her OB. She wanted to make sure the babies were ok.
"Um, I don't think that is a good idea." the nurse replied. She looked back and forth between the married couple and the door, hoping the other doctor would arrive soon.
"Just do it. I am more than qualified…" Addison began before she was cut off by her OB entering the room.
"Yes, Addison, you are more than qualified to read an ultrasound; however, Nurse Shelly is right. You need to let us be the doctors, and you be the patient. Now lay down, and let us take a look at your babies." Dr. Rahar ordered.
"Yes, and as soon as she is done, I will suture your forehead." Mark said as he too entered the room. It unnerved him to see Addison in a hospital bed again, but he knew he needed to stay strong for his friends.
"Fine." Addison said in defeat. "But, put the monitor where I can see it."
"I wouldn't have it any other way." Dr. Rahar replied. She placed the want on Addison's stomach and soon the room was filled with the sounds of fetal heartbeats. Both Addison and Derek let out a breath they didn't realize they were holding.
"Everything looks fine." Dr. Rahar said, smiling as she moved the wand around some more to make sure. She glanced over and Addison and smiled.
"Do you want to tell Derek or should I?" Dr. Rahar exclaimed, winking at Addison.
"I will." Addison responded with a huge smile. Derek looked back and forth between his wife and her OB confused.
"Tell me what?" he asked.
"Tell you that both of our sons look very healthy." Addison replied, grinning at her husband.
"Wait, did you say sons?" Derek asked in disbelief. "As in 2 boys?"
"Yes, Derek. We are having boys." Addison exclaimed. Derek leaned over and gave her a kiss.
"Well, congratulations you two. Have fun with 2 mini-Dereks! Now, if you could break apart for a minute, I can sew you up, Red." Mark said as he playfully pushed Derek out of the way. Derek gave Addison one more quick kiss and then got out of the way.
Thirty minutes later, Addison and Derek were alone in the exam room.
"Addie, I really hope I never walk up to you collapsed on the floor ever again in our lives. Twice in one year is making my hair turn gray too fast!" Derek chuckled.
"Well, twin boys are going to make it turn gray even faster!" Addison teased. "Although, I find the salt and pepper look on you very sexy." she winked and pulled him in for a kiss.
"In all seriousness, Addison. Why were you taking the stairs instead of the elevator?' Derek asked with concern. Addison quietly pulled back and looked up at the ceiling. She had forgotten about the why with all the activity but as soon as she remembered the feelings of frustration and anxiety started to come back.
Derek could tell something was wrong and it was something she didn't want to talk about. He climbed into bed with her and just held her.
"Addie, Love, what is it?" he asked, kissing the top of her head.
Addison took a deep breath. "After you left my office earlier, the babies started to kick really hard. I was coming to find you to tell you. I ran into Callie. As in, I literally ran into her" Addison laughed. "She told me you were in your office with, um, with Meredith." she whispered. Addison felt Derek's body stiffen and pull back from her slightly.
"Did you think I was doing something inappropriate with her?" Derek asked with a slight edge in his voice.
"No, yes, no, I don't know, Derek." Addison said in frustration. "My rational brain knew you weren't, but my hormonal, pregnancy brain didn't. I knew I was being irrational, so I decided to take the stairs to give me time to calm down. And, well, you know the rest."
Derek got out of the bed and began to pace the room. He ran his fingers through his hair.
"Look.. I get what you are saying, but I can't NOT work with Meredith. She is a resident that both of us are supposed to teach. I need you to believe me when I say nothing is going on between us and never will. I love YOU."
With that, Addison began to tear up. Derek immediately came over to the bed and gave her a big hug.
"I believe you, Babe." she said, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Also, just so you know," Derek replied. "Meredith is helping me on the clinical trial. That is why she was in my office. We were going over several cases."
"Ok." Addison commented. All of the sudden, she pulled back with a huge smile on her face.
"Babe, what is it?" Derek asked her confused. Addison took Derek's hand and placed it on the right side of her belly. Soon he felt a kick. He too broke out in a huge smile.
"Well, hello there son." Derek exclaimed. "Addie, i can't believe we are having 2 sons. I can't imagine having them with anyone else but you." He leaned in and gave her a kiss. "Now, you need to rest after all the excitement today, and I need to go check on some patients. Why don't you take a nap, and I will come back in a few hours?"
"Alright. I love you."
"I love you too." Derek replied as he walked out of the room.
Addison tried to sleep, but she couldn't stop thinking about Derek's clinical trial. She couldn't figure out why it bothered her so much he was doing it. She fully trusted him with Meredith, and she truly believed he was going to make their marriage and their kids a higher priority than work. So why did she have this nagging feeling like it was not a good idea for him to do it?
Her mind also kept wandering to the fact that she was having twin boys. Boys! She had secretly really wanted girls...or at least 1 girl...but 2 boys?! Would they be just like Derek and love everything outdoors? How would she handle that?
Addison smiled as she felt the babies moving around. "I know I may not have been expecting you two to be boys, but I am so excited to meet you. Just not too soon, okay." Addison chuckled, rubbing her hands over her belly. Soon the sound of the rain falling outside lulled Addison to sleep.
After taking a few days off to rest, Addison was ready to get back to work. She was so bored with day time television! She also knew that Derek was set to perform the first clinical trial surgery and wanted to be there to support him.
"Hey there." Addison said as she entered Derek's office. He was nose deep in a patient's file.
"Oh, hey." Derek said as he stood up and stretched. "I am going over Keara Gladbach's file. She is our first clinical trial patient."
Derek stared down at the file and ran his hands through his hair. "I am so nervous, Addie. I mean, this lady is only 32, has one of the worst tumors I have ever seen. She is going to die in a matter of weeks if this surgery doesn't work. It doesn't help that she has 2 boys ages 5 and 7."
Addison walked over to Derek and took him in her arms. He clung to her for a few minutes before he back away and took a deep breath.
"How long until your surgery?" Addison asked.
"I have about 3 hours." Derek replied.
"Then take the next 2 hours to just relax. Forget about the surgery. Stop reviewing the file."
"Addie, I can't do that. I have to be prepared.." Derek said in frustration. He began to pace the room.
"No, Derek. You are going to drive yourself crazy if you keep reading the case file for the next 3 hours. You know this case backwards and forwards. You need to relax. Get some sleep. Go hit some golf balls off the roof. Go get some food. Anything but reading that file." Addison responded, placing her hands on her hips as she stared at her husband. Derek stopped pacing and looked as his wife. He knew she was right. She knew him so well.
He walked over to her and began to kiss her.
"You are right, my love." Derek said between kisses. "I can think of one thing that will relax me." he winked at her.
"Shut the blinds and lock the doors." Addison said coyly as she began to unbutton her top.
Hours later, Addison watched from the gallery as Derek and Meredith performed the surgery on Keara Gladbach. Unfortunately, the woman didn't survive. Addison made her way down to the scrub room.
"Derek, it is ok. It was only the first patient." Meredith was saying to him as Addison entered the room. Meredith looked up, saw Addison, and quickly left the room. Derek turned to look at his wife in agony. She immediately went over to him and gave him a hug.
"She is right you know." Addson whispered in Derek's ear. "You knew this was a long shot, and she was only the first patient."
"Addison, she had several more weeks to live. She could have survived until Thanksgiving. Her boys could have had one more Thanksgiving with their mom." Derek said, pulling away from Addison.
"Derek, they didn't want one more Thanksgiving. They wanted a lifetime. That is what you were trying to give them. And you know as well as I do, if Keara had survived until Thanksgiving, she likely would have had very little function left in controlling her own body. She likely wouldn't have been able to talk. And even if by some miracle, she wasn't that far gone yet, and was able to spend the perfect Thanksgiving with her boys, they wouldn't remember it. It is a really sad situation, but honey, you did everything you could." Addison continued.
Derek ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "I know. I know. You are right, as usual." He walked over and gave Addison a kiss on the cheek.
"I have to go inform the family. Then I need to review my surgical notes and make some changes for the next surgery in a few days." Derek said in a defeated tone. He walked out of the scrub room, leaving Addison staring after him, wishing there was something she could do.
Over the next 2 weeks, Addison barely saw Derek. He had performed 4 more clinical trial surgeries, and had lost every patient. He was spending all his free time researching and consulting with other doctors to figure out what was going wrong.
Addison was sitting on the couch curled up under a blanket asleep when Derek came home on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. She looked so pretty and peaceful. He felt guilty for how little time he had spent with her over the past 2 weeks, but he hoped she understood. Plus the clinical trial was on hold for the next week. Derek walked over to the couch and picked Addison up.
"What in the world?" Addison exclaimed as she woke up suddenly. "Derek, what are you doing?"
"I am carrying my bride to bed." Derek said as he carried her into the bedroom.
"Derek, I am getting way too heavy for you to be carrying me." Addison replied.
"Addison, I am stronger than you think." Derek laughed as he placed her in the bed. "Now, stay awake for a little bit longer while I get ready for bed." he continued as he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.
Addison lay there for a bit, still shocked at being woken up by Derek carrying her to bed. FInally, Derek got in bed and cuddled up to Addison.
"I have missed you so much, Addie. I am sorry I haven't been here." he whispered as he held her close. Addison clung to him as she began to cry.
"Addie, what is wrong?" he asked confused.
"I have been so worried that you were going back to the old Derek. The one who put work ahead of me, despite everything you said before the clinical trial had started. But the fact that you even admitted to not being here shows me that I was wrong. You are not the old Derek." she cried. Derek felt horrible for putting her through so much turmoil.
"Addison, I can't promise that there won't be times in the weeks ahead that I won't put in a lot of time on this clinical trial, but I am always here for you. All you have to do is talk to me." Derek replied as he ran his hands through her hair.
"Ok." she replied quietly. They lay there for a little while longer. "There is one thing I wanted to talk to you about." Addison said, breaking the silence. "We need to make plans for the holidays."
"Right, the holidays." Derek said flatly. With all the struggles of the clinical trial, he had almost completely forgotten about the holidays coming up. "I really need to stay around Seattle for Thanksgiving, but we could take 4-5 days to go out to New York for Christmas, I guess."
Addison was quiet a little longer. She was trying not to get upset with Derek for his lack of enthusiasm for the holidays, especially after their holidays the year before. But the longer she lay there, the harder it was.
"Christmas makes you want to be with the people you love." Addison whispered. Derek stiffened as he heard the words he had spoken to her the previous year repeated back to him. He felt like she had punched him in the gut.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Derek asked tersly as he moved to the other side of the bed.
"It means I don't want to just take 4-5 days off and go to NY. Half of that would be traveling! I want to take a whole week, or more, Derek. I want to spend Christmas with the people we love." Addison retorted.
"Addison, it is 1 in the morning. Can we please discuss this tomorrow?" Derek asked, trying to avoid a major argument.
'I don't know, Derek. Can we? Are you even going to be here?" she fumed with tears pouring down her face.
"Addie, I will be here. I already told everyone at the hospital not to page me unless it was a true emergency. I told them I need to spend the weekend with my wife." Derek replied, forcing himself to stay calm.
Addison soon felt guilty for blowing up at turned to look at him.
"Ok. We can wait till tomorrow. Good night, Derek." she said.
"Good night, Addie. I love you." Derek said, leaning over to give her a kiss.
"I love you too."
Soon Derek was fast asleep, but it was some time before Addison was able to go to sleep. Memories from the previous year's holiday season kept plaguing her. She had really been hoping for a happy holiday season this year, but with Derek so focused on the clinical trial, and the nature of the clinical trial, she wasn't sure that was going to happen. She really hoped she was wrong. She rubbed her stomach where her sons were rolling around and silently cried herself to sleep.
