Interlude – Sanctuary
Everything has changed. Deirdre is missing, Eldigan is dead, and here we are, off in exile in Silesse because Grannvale has declared Sigurd a traitor, conspirator to Prince Kurth's murder. By the luck of everything, though, Queen Rahna has offered us sanctuary and welcomes us with open arms. We have an entire castle to ourselves even, and she makes sure we have all we need, including tailors to make winter clothing. It's cold here, after all, and all of our wardrobes were designed for Agustria's much milder weather.
Our new home is one I never expected to visit. Silesse, the country of winds and snows, was founded by the crusader Sety one hundred years ago. Between the weather, their mastery of wind magic, and their taming of the native pegasi, Silesse has actually maintained neutrality for its entire history. In fact, the first major conflict is its own civil war, brewing in the shadows. Queen Rahna worries we'll be dragged into it, but we reassure her that we'll be fine if that does happen. We're no strangers to being dragged into things, and Lewyn is one of ours.
I just hope Lewyn's uncles have the tact to wait until after all the babies are born. The last thing any of us needs is a pregnant woman stressing over battles.
The gardens of the castle were absolutely beautiful, though it was surprising to already see a little snow on the ground since we were still in the autumn. I understood now why there had been such a rush to get the harvests in, and why the nearby villages had been so grateful that we pitched in. That all said, I wasn't actually thinking of any of that. Instead, I was laughing and laughing as I walked through said gardens with Ayra.
"I'm pleased you're so amused at my predicament," Ayra grumbled. She still linked her arm around mine, though, showing me she wasn't all that mad at me. "Gods damn it, Lex and I took the contraceptives. We even double-checked to make sure in the morning!"
"I did warn you that none were one hundred percent effective," I pointed out, desperately trying to muffle my laughter to be 'the healer'. I couldn't manage it, though. It was just so incredibly amusing to me. "I also warned you and Lex that your preferred ones weren't the most effective, but they were the easiest to take."
"You did, and we both acknowledged that and decided that the 'easier' was preferable." Ayra's face went red. "Then again, we… ah… gave it plenty of chances?"
"Rabbits, then?"
"Not that bad!" She scowled, and I was back to giggles. "Oh, whatever. Here we are, the pregnant two!"
"Yes, it seems that way. Though, Aideen might join our little 'group' before long."
"She and Midir were talking about having a quiet ceremony here with the army."
"She asked Claude and me if there were any medicines that help with fertility." I grinned and Ayra burst into laughter. It was louder than mine, and warmer. "There is, by the way, so I wouldn't be surprised if she announces a pregnancy soon."
"Of course, it's not like you and I needed that help." Ayra made a face, and I laughed, distinctly amused still. I wasn't sure why it was so funny to me, but it was. "Ah well. Despite all my griping, I am rather excited about becoming a mother. Nervous, but excited."
"That sums up my feelings as well." I shivered as a cold wind blew through and I leaned into Ayra for a little more warmth. The new clothes were lovely, but often, we underestimated just how cold things were. "It's so different from Jungby here. It doesn't get this cold until the new year."
"It does in Isaach." Ayra's eyes softened with nostalgic sadness. "Silesse might be famous for its snow and winters, but Issach is just as north. There's more open space in Issach, though, so perhaps that's why most don't associate us with snow. Silesse more or less weaponizes their weather."
"That could be it. I've noticed that we had to do a lot of climbing before we reached the cities, so maybe that plays a part too?"
"Oh, true." Ayra's smile faded for a frown and she narrowed her eyes. "I hear whispers."
"Really?" I strained to hear what she was talking about, but heard nothing but the wind. "Where?"
"This way." She pulled me down one path, moving quickly yet quietly. She made sure we kept to the shadows, and part of me wanted to tell her to go ahead without me. It was clear she expected danger, but I wasn't really one for a fight. But she kept a tight grip on my hand, so I did my best to keep up.
We rounded a corner before ducking back instantly, catching sight of figures. When we peered out to look, though, both of us nearly laughed when we realized that the figures were friends and we were very paranoid people. We only didn't because it was Azel and Tailtiu and both seemed to be in the middle of a conversation, an argument, in fact.
"Yeah, I guess I've been acting funny…" Tailtiu grumbled. She glared at Azel with tears in her eyes, posture rigid. "But what's wrong with that? It's not like everyone else isn't acting funny around me."
"That's just because you're the new one," Azel sighed. He was more relaxed, but he looked mostly exasperated. I wondered how long this conversation had been going on. "You'll notice that people are awkward around Brigid too. Or, well, you would, but you keep to yourself. Which, by the way, is so unlike you that I had Aideen asking if you were ill and needed medicine."
"I bet you enjoyed that."
"She's a nice lady, yes, and yes, my feelings for her were unrequited, which is fine." Azel shrugged, unbothered. Tailtiu squirmed, looking away. "They've cooled over the past couple of years, and I'm having fun helping her plan her wedding."
"W-well…"
"Anyway, is that the big issue? I mean; I can't fix what's up with your dad, but is that why you can't relax?"
"Look, it's not like with Lex. I actually do get along with my father." Tailtiu glared again. "But yes, I can't relax because everyone is weird around me and I don't know if my own father used me to hurt them!"
"Well, even if he did, that's not your fault." Azel said the words easily, and Tailtiu glared more. "What? It's not. I know that a parent's crimes isn't the child's fault better than just about anyone. Everyone knows about my father." Azel's voice became very dry and he rolled his eyes. "Victor of Velthomer, the rapist. The womanizer. The drunk. The partier. Only good thing he ever gave me was my life and my siblings. But his crimes aren't my fault. They aren't Arvis's. They aren't Alicia's. They're his, and his alone. Just like your own dad's crimes are his and his alone."
"That's…"
"You're not the reason why we had to run. Your father's manipulations don't mean you're guilty by association. I know there's an emphasis on blood ties, particularly among those of Crusader descent, but no one in this army will judge you for it."
"Azel…" Tailtiu's anger faded, though the tears remained. "Oh, freaking hell, what happened to the Bratzel who couldn't string two words together?"
"He went to war, and grew up, but seriously, you're going with that old insult?" Azel glowered, but Tailtiu smiled, relaxing finally. "I'm trying to cheer you up, you know! It's unnatural, not seeing you running about with more energy than a storm."
"I know." Tailtiu giggled, and Azel's own annoyance disappeared for a relieved smile. "And I do feel better. Do you really think that it's just the newness?"
"Yes, I'm certain. After all, it's not like you're not likable." Azel shrugged, glancing up thoughtfully. He missed Tailtiu's sudden faint blush. "Like I said, Brigid is the same. You should see her when she's around… well, anyone. There's a reason she frequently hides at the archery range, practicing her shooting with Jamke."
"Claude's not. Uncomfortable, I mean."
"Claude has a pretty easy role to fall into, though. He's a healer, a healer-healer like Alicia, and he joined right when Alicia has to work less because of her pregnancy. If nothing else, you know to be polite to the one who is helping you feel better." Azel grinned. "Even then, there's awkwardness because everyone expects Alicia there instead. I promise; I help out there so that Alicia doesn't have to worry." He snapped his fingers suddenly, gasping. "Oh, shoot, I needed to run an errand for her!"
"Here, I'll come with and help. As thanks for cheering me up." Tailtiu grinned, snatched his hand, and dragged him off. "Come on; come on!"
"H-hey! You don't even know what the errand is!" Azel continued protesting, but Tailtiu continued dragging him down the path, and before long, the echoes of their 'arguing' faded. Only then did Ayra and I step out from behind the corner and exchanged an amused look.
"We should set them up," Ayra declared, grinning. I grinned back, since it had been what I'd been thinking too. "It'll be fun."
"We should let Lex lead that particular 'operation', since he's their childhood friend," I suggested. I linked my arm around hers again and started down a path. "It'll be more fun if we get more people involved, yes?"
"Absolutely." Ayra laughed. "You know; maybe coming here was a blessing in disguise. We needed the break after Agustria."
"That we do." Silesse's tranquility was exactly what everyone needed, really. I just wish we had come here under better circumstances. "That we do.
"Ugh… this dizziness business is getting old," I groaned, facepalming. I should be grateful that I wasn't beset by the nausea that Aideen and Ayra suffered, but I couldn't even walk some days because of how lightheaded and dizzy I was. I'd even had to spend a night in my own infirmary because of it. "Ugh…"
"Here, snack on this," Quan suggested, passing me some sort of candied fruit. I nibbled on it, barely resisting the urge to sulk. "You probably overdid it again on your walk, though maybe we should see about loosening your dresses. Ethlyn felt better when we did that, back when she was pregnant with Altena."
"I'll consider just about anything at this point." I sighed, but did maintain enough grace to smile up at him as soon as the dizziness passed. "Thanks, by the way. I thought for certain I was going to fall on my face when I slipped on that ice."
"I'm glad I happened to be outside." Quan shrugged and leaned against the tree I was sitting under. It had a convenient bench for me to rest on. "Stay still for a while, just in case."
"Yes, I know." I finished the fruit and gave him a knowing look. "Besides, I know you didn't 'happen' to be outside and you didn't 'happen' to just have that fruit."
"Well…" Quan looked ready to protest before shrugging. "Meh, you're right. I was coming to check on you. Lightheadedness has been your most prominent symptom in these early months."
"You also fret."
"I also fret, yes." He made a face, and I laughed. "So… oh, the sky is darkening again."
"Is it?" I looked up as well and saw the storm clouds rolling in. "I suppose that means we'll get more snow." It would get even colder. I was wrapped up fairly well, but my breath fogged up in front of my face already. "Well, it looks pretty?"
"Once all the paths are cleared, at least." Quan frowned and glowered at the stone path. "Though, clearly we didn't do a good enough job since you slipped on a patch of ice. I'll need to triple check."
"You're worse than a mother-hen." I laughed, amused, but it faded as I remembered something I'd been meaning to ask him. "Quan, there's been something bothering me."
"Just one thing?"
"Well, just one thing involving you." I looked up at him curiously, and he turned slightly to better listen to me. "All your fretting reminded me. Why were you so dismissive of Finn's injuries?"
"From… oh, Noldion." He smiled sheepishly. "Well, partially pride and partially misinformation. From what I was told, I assumed he had a minor stomach injury, not a full on gut wound. So, between that, my knowledge of your skills, my knowledge of Finn, and, again, my own pride… yeah, big mess."
"No one informed you that I was desperately trying to piece together his internal organs?"
"Nope! And I hadn't been near enough to see him before he was whisked away to the infirmary." Quan grinned, though, showing no hard feelings for any of it. "Finn's gotten stronger, but I clearly need to get him better armor if he's going to keep throwing himself into weapons to protect people."
"You could just tell him to not do that."
"I think it's a personality thing. Like Eldigan and Sigurd, Finn is a knight in the truest sense and so, I don't think he'd ever stop protecting with everything he has. Not and still be 'him'." His voice grew softer with each word, and he looked up at the sky, smiling sadly. "Ah, Eldigan would've laughed at that. I can even hear it on the wind."
"Perhaps that is his spirit laughing. I do know that he thought Finn was a good man."
"Perhaps." He closed his eyes briefly, and I knew it was to hold back tears. "What a mess we left in Agustria thanks to everything. I wish we could've had a better goodbye with Grahnye and Ares."
"What do you think Grannvale is doing to Agustria?"
"Probably taking over, truthfully. I hope Grahnye and Ares are safe with all that going on." His smile grew, but only sadder and a touch bitter. "Maybe they made it to Leonster. Grahnye is from there, you see. I'm sure Altena would adore seeing Ares again."
"True. They were so sad to part. Maybe they can play with their stuffed bears." I hoped Ares still had his, at least. But the thought of Altena, and Leonster, made me think of something else. "But Quan?"
"Hmm?"
"This probably isn't something I have a right to ask…
"Slight, minor, insignificant reminder that you've saved our lives, a lot, and you support us, a lot." The sadness finally faded from his smile. "So?"
"Well…" I hesitated before deciding to go for it. "Quan, can you really afford to be here with us? You're the crown prince of Leonster, and it's been over two years since you've been there." Honestly, it might've been closer to three at this point.
"Ah." Quan's smile faded entirely and he remained silent for a long while. The wind picked up, hinting to the coming storm, but I waited for him to gather his thoughts. "Honestly, no, I can't. I do need to head back. I needed to a while ago, but I couldn't leave Eldigan. But it's… complicated."
"You don't want to leave Sigurd."
"No, I don't." He looked to me, expression serious. "We lost Eldigan. It hurts. We lost Deirdre. It hurts. I hate hurting, but I hate my friends hurting even more. And that's not even going into Sigurd trying to deal with the Grannvale betraying him, and trying to raise his son, and leading the army, and desperately trying to somehow repay Silesse for the sanctuary."
"I'm sure Ethlyn agrees."
"She does. Which complicates things further." Quan sighed. "She doesn't want to leave Sigurd, but she wants to return to Leonster, to do her part as princess and future queen. Plus, there's Altena."
"It's been… oh, goodness…" I had to pause to think about it. "It's been a almost year since you've seen her?"
"She's walking now. Talking. We've missed a lot of firsts, and she barely remembers our faces." Quan glanced down, grimacing. That hurt him more than he could ever say, and it pained me to see just what his dilemma was. It wasn't merely 'love versus duty'. It was also his family pulling him in different directions. It was conflicting loyalty, just like Eldigan, and I honestly was terrified it would kill him too. "Ethlyn also doesn't want to leave until you and Aideen have given birth. You'll already be down a healer, technically."
"We will in battle too."
"Lachesis can takeover Ethlyn's fighting duties, easily, so thankfully, that's not weighing on her. Much." Laughter caught both of our attentions and we looked up to see Finn and Lachesis were walking through the snow. It took a moment to remember that they'd been out on a walk too. Both looked incredibly happy, smiling at each other adoringly. "Gods, that's some timing."
"Is it?" I didn't catch his meaning at first, but then I did and I looked at him in… well, it wasn't quite 'horror', but it was too much for sheer 'worry'. "Wait, when you leave…"
"Finn would have to come with me, yes." Quan leaned more against the tree, closing his eyes. "He's my squire. By Leonster law, he can't stay here without me. Not and remain a knight." Quan opened his eyes and watched the oh-so-happy couple enjoying themselves. "I might be able to swing him back up after he's knighted, but honestly, Leonster will need his skill."
"I… I see." I watched them laugh and laugh, and almost felt like crying. "Oh, Lachesis…"
"Yeah." He closed his eyes again. "Yeah. When I leave, Lachesis will lose three people she's depending upon to recover from Eldigan's death. Including the person she loves. While I have no doubts about her strength, I do worry she's more fragile than she lets on."
"She is recovering nicely." Though I did have that worry too, but for a slightly different reason. It wouldn't just be friends and love leaving. It would be them leaving to do their duty, much like Eldigan. I worried the similarities would rip open those healing wounds. "That said; it'll be a while. The roads are too treacherous with the snows."
"And, like I said, Ethlyn really doesn't want to leave until after you and Aideen have safely given birth. So, hopefully by then, Lachesis will be steady enough, as will their relationship." He shook his head and offered me his arm. I took it gladly. "Let's get you inside for a checkup, shall we?"
"I maintain that you are a worse fusser than me, and I am a healer." I made my voice as teasing as possible, and he laughed before helping me walk inside. We passed Lachesis and Finn on the way, but they were in their own little world, so we pretended to not see them and just continued on.
I worried. But, strangely, I also had faith that they'd be okay. I wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was just… I didn't know.
Queen Rahna didn't just give us sanctuary, a home, and everything we could possibly need to be comfortable here. She even sent messenger birds to Grannvale, petitioning King Azmur to reconsider Sigurd's supposed crime. She admitted that there might be no response, but she figured she'd at least try, and when she decided to try the indirect route of asking Arvis to look into things… well, she made sure Azel and I knew so that we could send our own little messages. Even better, though, is that Arvis was able to reply with messages to Azel, Sigurd, Queen Rahna, and myself.
'I really must find a way to thank Queen Rahna. When I heard you had left with Sigurd, I thought I would not be able to speak with you until things were resolved. I apologize for jumps in topic during this letter as it's far too small to tell you everything I want.
I'm saddened you're caught up in all of this, Alicia, but it seems like you're safe and happy enough, all things considered. Words can't express how saddened I am by Eldigan's death. We were not close, but I did know him as a good man and it breaks my heart to think of everything Sigurd is going through. I can, however, reassure you that Grahnye and Ares are fine, though they have left Agustria for Leonster. They should be safe from all this… chaos.
But that is far too sad of a topic. I am not ashamed to admit my utter glee at hearing of your pregnancy, Alicia. I know you will be a wonderful mother (no, don't frown; I know you're worried, but I assure you, you will be amazing) and I can't deny being excited over (eventually) spoiling your child silly. Or children, rather. Your letter mentioned the possibility of twins, though Azel's didn't (yes, he told me too), so I'm guessing you haven't spread the word quite yet. I must admit, though, that I wish I could be there for you, though I am certain you are in the best of care (you are, yes?). Aida sends her well-wishes and prayers for you. Ah, and I am thankful you're waiting to get 'properly' married until I can see it. Please pass my gratitude to Chulainn as well. I really cannot wait to meet him.
Things have been a strange mix of 'quiet' and 'tense' here in Grannvale. Suspicion falls on many of us, and considering we know that someone did assassinate Prince Kurth, I have to guard King Azmur myself. Still, not everything is bad, save that I wish you and Azel were safe in Velthomer with me. But I've recently taken in a… that sounds off. One of my servants found a young woman collapsed not far from Velthomer's gardens and we brought her in for medical attention. Though there were no wounds, she has developed amnesia from whatever occurred. Thankfully, she had a few items on hand to help us piece together her name: Diadora. She's a quiet woman, but very kind. I think you'd adore her, Alicia. I hope you can meet with her soon.
Drat, I'm running out of paper, and I can't risk more lest I weigh down the messenger bird. I told this to Sigurd as well in my letter to him, but encourage him to wait in Silesse until things calm down. His loyalty is his greatest trait, but I believe his enemies are using that loyalty to trick Sigurd into riding straight for a trap. We'll figure things out and, if you can, do at least write after you give birth. To reassure me that nothing went wrong, and to let me know your child's (children's) names.
With all my love, Arvis'
I read through Arvis's letter many, many times in a little parlor room, away from the main activity of the castle. Azel was with me, reading his own letter at the table while I lounged by the window, but we were silent, too enthralled in our reading. It was incredibly reassuring to hear from him, and it was even better to see that despite everything, he was the same and he was in a good mood. I did frown in confusion, though, as I noticed that, despite Arvis's letter having a clear end, there was a second sheet of paper. The frown deepened when I didn't recognize the writing. But the name at the end read 'Diadora', and I put a few pieces together from there and began reading.
'Hi, I am sorry to bother. I asked on a whim if I could write a letter to you, and Arvis indulged me. I'm sure it must be odd getting a message from a complete stranger, but I couldn't help it. Arvis talks often of you and Azel. He tells me you are a bit of a secret, which I do not quite understand, but I suppose he is trying to protect you? Like a knight! A knight in… well, he doesn't wear armor. But the concept is the same? I'm not sure.
Ah, this is already a bit of a mess. I'm sorry. I'm nervous. But Arvis's stories about you resonated with me. Perhaps there was someone like you in my past, and it's an echo of a memory. Did Arvis mention me in his letter? Goodness, I hope so, as otherwise this is even more awkward. But he found me and is taking care of me. He's very nice, though there's something sad about him. I try to make him smile as thanks for everything he's doing for me, especially since I've lost my memories, memories I knew were once important. I've even succeeded a few times, I am proud to declare!
Oh, I should just get to the point, especially since I'm running out of paper. Arvis is certain that you'll return to Grannvale one day, and I'll get to meet you then, but I wanted to get a jump on it? I know it's selfish, but I couldn't help it. If it's okay, and if you can, I'd enjoy reading letters from you. What's it like in Silesse, for instance? I heard you went there for safety, but I don't know anything about it, except that it's apparently cold. The servants were saying it was frozen all year round, but that seems so silly to me. Ah, sorry, went on a tangent. Anyway, if you'd like, please reply?
-Diadora
I read through that letter a couple of times too, torn between smiling and crying. This Diadora was certainly endearing, even just through the paper, but there was something about her writing and Arvis's brief description that reminded me of Deirdre. It reminded me of how desperately I missed her, especially since I knew she would've been rushing about helping me prep for the baby or babies. Claude noted that some signs hinted I might be carrying twins, but it was too early to tell. I hadn't told anyone save Chulainn and Arvis, but I would've told Deirdre. She would've laughed in delight and then fuss over me. She would've had me smiling in seconds, and tease me as I had teased her.
But she wasn't here. We still had no idea where she was, and with us in exile, it was going to be hard to look for her.
Still, Diadora had certainly taken a leap of faith to reach out to me, especially since she only knew me from stories. So, despite my sadness, I did promise myself that I would reply, as soon as Queen Rahna sent another message off towards Arvis. It wouldn't be fair, to both her and myself, to close myself off to potential friendship just because I was reminded of my missing best friend.
"Oh, you finished reading?" Azel asked. He smiled at me, looking as relieved as I'd felt after finishing reading Arvis's letter to me. "I'm so glad he understood. I was a bit afraid he'd be hurt."
"I think he is, but he is more relieved to hear that we are well," I replied. I made to stand up, to sit at the table with him, but a bit of lightheadedness told me that would be a bad idea. "Seems he's excited about being an uncle, though."
"He is! He and I are going to plot ways to spoil your kid rotten!" Azel's smile morphed to a mischievous grin and I rolled my eyes. "Oh, hey, did he mention Diadora in your letter?"
"He did." I carefully tucked Diadora's own letter away. I wanted to keep it to myself for now. "Why?"
"Well, he didn't say anything, but based on descriptors and how he wrote about her, I'm wondering if he fancies her!" Azel's grin widened and I looked through my own letter, curious. "What do you think?"
"Hmm…" I studied the words, noticing that there was little, but I did notice a key thing. He hoped I could meet with her, and he'd told her about me. "Well, she knows about me, so at the least, he trusts her. He hopes I can meet her, which is… odd. The only other ones he hoped I'd get to meet were you, Aida, and Cyas." If he had more room, perhaps he might've talked about her more. "I wouldn't get my hopes up, but I also wouldn't dismiss it outright." I smiled at the thought, though. "Try not to tease him too much until we have something a little more certain."
"Yeah, probably a good idea." He made a face. "I wonder if we'll get to meet her before anything happens, though. I mean…"
"Well, Arvis still hasn't met Chulainn yet."
"He hasn't?" Azel's expression blanked. "Really?"
"Chulainn has only been to Grannvale once since we got together, Azel."
"Oh, right." We were quiet for a brief second before bursting into laughter. For some reason, there was just something absolutely hilarious about all of it.
"Hey, what's so funny?" Of course, the laughter summoned a concerned person, in this case, Tailtiu. "Did you get good news?" she asked, smiling softly. "Looks like it."
"We got some, yes," Azel confirmed. He quieted his laughing and smiled softly at her. "Hey, Queen Rahna said she'd let us send replies. I'm sure Arvis wouldn't mind passing on a message for you. It has to be a small thing, but…"
"I'll… think on it." Tailtiu smiled back, clasping her hands behind her back and bouncing on her toes. "I would like to check in on Ethnia. Maybe Bloom. I might not get along with his wife, but he is my big brother. He's always doted on me."
"Then maybe a little note to tell him you're okay."
"Maybe. We'll see." Tailtiu's smile grew and she darted behind me, as well as she could since I was on the windowseat still. "Aly! Aideen mentioned your back was hurting!"
"Just a little," I replied. I folded up the letters and tucked them to the side. "Why?"
"Here, I'll rub your shoulders for you." Tailtiu slipped behind me, and giggled, carefully massaging my shoulders. "Oh, hey! Did Azel tell you about the time Lex, him, and me accidentally adopted a wolf?"
"Coyote," Azel corrected. He scowled. "It was very dirty and we thought it was a dog, but it was a coyote, not a wolf."
"Regardless, I only heard a little about it," I answered. I couldn't help but smile. "Perhaps you two can tell me the full story?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure." Azel smiled again. "Now, it all started with Lex insisting we run through the woods…"
Eventually, Claude put his foot down on my working. I was too dizzy and too tired to really do much of anything safely in the infirmary and he firmly believed quite a bit of my lightheadedness was due to working too hard. So, he barred me from my own infirmary, citing that he and Sylvia could handle everything until after I had safely given birth. Aideen was similarly barred, and Ethlyn had made it her duty to ensure that Aideen and I didn't get close. When I'd protested, and insisted I could make medicine, I had Finn, Oifeye, Shanan, and Sylvia all point out that I'd taught them how, and could just take over. At least they didn't stop me from mending. Gods knew I'd go insane if they took even that from me.
"Lady Alicia?" A young girl from the village, one we hired to help us run the castle, waved at me as she ran up. "You got a letter!" she informed me brightly, handing it to me. "Here! There doesn't seem to be a reply expected."
"Is that so?" I asked, studying the envelope. I stilled when I noticed that it didn't actually have my name on it. It was addressed to 'the Lady Healer of Vala', very similar to how Travant's letter had been addressed. "I think it's from an old patient."
"Probably a thanks then!" She grinned, showing missing teeth. "Do you need anything?"
"No, I'm good. But thank you."
"K!" She ran off and I let myself look around. It was still cold, but spring was here, heralded by the thousands of snowdrops blooming blooming here in the gardens where I rested and mended. Their arrival brought about lots of stories, because snowdrops apparently had very different meanings depending on where you lived.
In Silesse, for instance, snowdrops were a sign of hope and rebirth, that spring had won against winter to bless them. In Grannvale, snowdrops were symbols of pure love and lucky fortunes. Isaach gave them a sadder meaning, given in sympathy or consolation, a way of saying 'you are not alone'. As for Leonster… well, Quan and Finn refused, refused, to let anyone bring snowdrops into the castle, as they were omens of death and bad luck in Leonster. That had resulted in quite a few hilarious events, since it was just so… different.
Laughing at the memory, I shook my head and set aside my mending to open the envelope. Some sort of object slid around as I did, and when I turned the envelope upside down, two things dropped out. One was a crudely carved wooden dragon, and the other was a very beautiful necklace with a bronze square pendant. Embedded into the pendant was a gem I recognized instantly; after all, I wore a bracelet with it.
Frowning, I set both to the side and wiggled out the letter. It turned out to be two pieces of paper, and the outermost one was a child's drawing of a mountain landscape and 'dragons' flying through the sky. Under the smiling sun, because whoever drew this had a smiley face on the sun, were the words 'thank you for healing my daddy!'. The other letter, thankfully, had more of an explanation.
'Dear Lady Healer, since my king showed his usual grasp of tact and politeness and did not actually ask your name, I am certain this letter is unexpected and may cause some confusion. My name is Hannibal, a general of Thracia, Travant's childhood friend, and Arion's preferred babysitter. When my king returned, wounded, Arion was in tears and insisted on thanking you himself. He loves his father dearly, and eventually, I have up trying to point out how difficult that might be. Still, word has reached us that Lord Sigurd's army is in Silesse, so it at least is not as hard as I originally feared to get this to you.
Enclosed is a drawing Arion made, as well as a carving (he insisted; I swear he's improving). I added the necklace as both his thanks and mine. Travant told me he gave you a dragon's eye bracelet already, and this is, perhaps, very dangerous to do. To own a dragon's eye is to have their protection, and those who kill them are fated to fall. A bad thing, for a mercenary, where too often, it is killed or be killed. But from what I have heard, and from what I know you have done, I feel it is a disservice to not give you one myself. Travant is my king and friend, the only reason Thracia hasn't starved yet. The people would've lost their hope with him, and Arion would not have been allowed to simply be a child.
I am also very aware that there might be a day you regret your choice to stand by your oath. From what I understand, you are friends with Prince Quan of Leonster, as well as his wife, Princess Ethlyn, and squire. There may come a day when Travant hurts, or even kills, one of them. But even knowing that possibility, you still healed him. Words cannot express how admirable that is, but giving you a second dragon's eye hopefully will convey enough. I also hope it, and Arion's thanks, might serve to soothe that potential sting. Regardless of what happens, you helped Thracia with your action, and you saved a little boy from becoming king far too young. I thank you for it, and always will.
-Hannibal'
I had to read through the letter a few times, just to process all of it, and when I did, I sighed and folded up the letters. Hannibal's words hit keenly on just why I knew I'd regret healing Travant one day. It was entirely possible he'd hurt my loved ones, my family, but at the same time, I couldn't have walked away. I had my oath and my job. It was kind of Hannibal to anticipate that, and send things to help with that eventual pain. I might've condemned Altena to losing a parent, but I did save another's. I might've condemned Leonster, but I did help Thracia. It was a choice with no good answer, but there was some good with it. He wanted to remind me of that, knowing that if the worst happened, I'd likely be overwhelmed by grief and guilt. It was a cold comfort, but a comfort nonetheless.
I picked up the necklace, studying it, and slipped it on after a moment, because there was no reason to refuse it. Then I unfolded the drawing and smiled at the simple message while fiddling with the carved dragon. Regardless of politics, this was a child thanking me for saving their parent. There was something absolutely, almost ridiculously, sincere about that. Perhaps that really would be enough.
A song called me from my thoughts and I looked around the gardens, hunting for the source. I found Lewyn not far away, playing the flute while lounging in a tree. I thought about calling out, but instead, I chose to just listen and return to my mending. It was a cheerful song, with a lot of fast notes, but there was something strangely sad about it at the same time. I couldn't place how or why, but it was.
Lewyn finished playing before long and brought the flute down. He sighed, looked around, and smiled when he saw me, climbing down and skipping over. "Well, goodness, if I saw you before playing, I would've come over here to serenade you," he teased. I rolled my eyes and gestured for him to sit next to me on the bench. He instead sat down on the ground at my feet. "Looks like you've been settled in for a while?"
"I've been forbidden to do anything but mend, including going on my walks," I pointed out, unable to keep my exasperation from creeping in. "So, here I am. Mending."
"I think making you rest is an important thing since you're… what? Six months in? Roughly?" Lewyn shrugged, grinning. "I'm afraid that I'll be on the side of 'against the workaholic healer' when it comes to matters with her own health. Same as most people."
"Grr…" I sulked and he laughed again. "What song was that, by the way?"
"The one I was playing?" Lewyn's cheer faded slightly. "It's called 'Hope on the Wind'. It's a song traditionally played with the coming of spring. You'll hear it a lot when the spring festivals get underway." He hesitated before looking down. "It was my father's favorite song. I grew up with him singing it randomly. Drove Mother up the way."
"I see." I thought about continuing my mending, but I decided against it, and set it to the side, carefully hiding the letters and carved dragon. "Lewyn, have you talked with your mother at all since you arrived?"
"A couple of times, mostly when she visits and I can't hide. It tends to end in an argument of some kind." He smiled bitterly, shaking his head. "Annand insists that she is happy I'm back, but I'm going purely on her word. Typically when I know she's coming, I dart to the villages and see how things have been." He shrugged. "In short, I run away. Again. Even though I know it's stupid."
"Clearly, it's a coping mechanism."
"A bad one." He groaned and facepalmed. "How do you stop running? How do you stay your ground? I don't get how Sigurd can do it."
"He does it because he's the type to look forward, which is a blessing and a curse. We're in this situation because he doesn't stop and see the shadows, but at the same time, he wouldn't be him if he did, and there are many civilians who would be dead if we hadn't intervened." I gently touched his cheek and tilted his face up. "You, however, are different. You know how petty people can be. You know how entitled they can get. You can see the shadows along the path, and see how they might snatch up innocents. That makes you hesitate, but it also means you've a better understanding of the consequences. Though, to be fair, I'm fairly certain no one saw 'rescuing a kidnapped childhood friend' would escalate into 'fleeing into exile because we were framed'."
"Saving a kidnapped friend?"
"Did no one tell you about the Verdane Campaign?" I smiled when he shook his head. "Really?"
"Well, I know some basic things, like that's where Sigurd met Deirdre, and their king was being manipulated by dark mages, and that's where the army picked up Ayra and Shanan, but no one told me how it started."
"I see." I fell silent, thinking almost nostalgically about all of it. It was three years ago, give or take. It was just three years ago, yet it felt like a lifetime away. "Someone should really write it all down. Everything about this is so insane."
"Why not you?"
"Who would read a healer's perspective of a war?"
"I would. You don't get stories like that. You get the soldiers, but not the healer who is putting them together." He grinned again. "You should totally write it down, and then I get more material for that song!"
"Ah, so there's an alternative motive! How political."
"Hey!" He pouted childishly and I snickered. "Anyway… oh, hey, Erinys. What the hell are you carrying?"
"Flowers?" Erinys walked up carefully and Lewyn jumped to his feet to help her with the massive amount of pale blue flowers she carried. A small trail behind her marked her path. "I was flying, and I found a good patch of these!" she explained excitedly. Then she paused and looked behind her. "Though I may have gone overboard?"
"Maybe a little?" Lewyn replied dryly. He smiled at the flowers, though. "Oh, iodrie."
"Yep!" She dumped most of the pile into Lewyn's arms, some tumbling down to the ground, and she quickly made a bouquet, tying it off with a beautiful grey ribbon. "There!" She presented it to me with a smile and I took it automatically. "In Silesse, we give these flowers to expecting mothers. They're a good luck charm! And I realized we hadn't given you, Ayra, or Aideen any, so I rectified that!"
"And apparently plan to start a flower shop with the rest!" Lewyn gave her a fondly exasperated look. "Well, whatever. Here, I'll carry the rest while we find Ayra and Aideen, and then we can use them to color up the halls. Normally it's snowdrops, but Quan might kill me if I try."
"Thanks, Lewyn!" Erinys smiled brightly, and I caught a little blush on her face when she leaned down to hug me. "It's okay if I steal him, right?"
"Of course," I reassured. A thought occurred to me, and I whispered in her ear. "You know; we're in Silesse and things are quiet. You should try to confess to him." Erinys went bright red, and Lewyn made a questioning noise. "That's my advice, for now."
"W-we'll see!" Erinys squeaked. She shook her head when Lewyn looked at her. "Oh, Alicia is just teasing me! Let's go!" She quickly walked away, and Lewyn gave me the same 'what the hell' look.
I simply smiled and took back up my mending. "She's right. I was simply teasing. And, given earlier, I shall do the same with you." My smile widened. "I know you have quite a bit going on, but considering her obliviousness, you might want to start planning a confession sooner rather than later." Lewyn went an equally bright red and skipped off after Erinys with only a yelp. I laughed and laughed perfectly amused.
Spring was a fun season, really.
"Thank you so much for sending a midwife, Queen Rahna," I murmured, fussing over my little girl. The phrase sat strangely in my head, as strange as 'my little boy', but both were applicable down. "Having someone so experienced was a relief for all of us."
"I thought so," Queen Rahna replied, smiling warmly. As always, I was struck by her quiet beauty and dignity, and how her smile was exactly like Lewyn's. "Adelaide is more than willing to come back when Ayra and Aideen give birth, by the way."
"Thank you. It's appreciated." I looked up from fussing and smiled at her, and tried to not let my own discomfort show. "Really, everything you've down for us is…"
"In my opinion, it is equal to what you have done for my son, and Silesse has very strict rules when it comes to hospitality." Queen Rahna giggled and looked around the room Chulainn and I shared. It was wonderfully simple, with warm colored curtains and rugs to soften the stone, and a soft bed piled high with blankets and pillows. "I'm sorry that I cannot give you a castle with a proper nursery."
"The cradle fits very nicely here, and honestly, Chulainn and I prefer to have them near anyway." I looked down to my daughter and son, curled up asleep together. "Besides, there's an old room that no one uses that we've been thinking of converting to a playroom anyway for Seliph."
"He'll be a year old soon, won't he? I must think of a present."
"You give so many things!" I had to laugh, though, and wonder if this is how everyone felt when talking to me whenever I deflected their gratitude. "But yes, he'll be a year old soon." It took a lot of effort to keep up my cheer. I knew Deirdre would've been super excited about her son turning a year old.
"Will you require a wet nurse? I know you had one for Seliph, but he's been weaned?"
"He's preferring solid foods now, yes." I shook my head, though, quietly refusing the offer of a wetnurse. "For the moment, I'll be nursing them." I thought of Deirdre shortly after she'd given birth to Seliph, and how she insisted on nursing him, and my heart panged. "Once Ayra and Aideen give birth, though, I might ask them to wet nurse them, since I really do need to get back to work." The sooner I learned how to balance being a mother and a healer, the better for all of us. I was the Chief Healer, and I didn't want to leave everything to Claude and Sylvia, no matter how well they worked together.
"Already thinking of work?" Queen Rahna laughed again, smiling softly. I did wish she wouldn't just linger in the doorway and at least sit, but she'd refused, simply staying there, not quite inside and not quite outside. It didn't help with my discomfort. "You're just as Erinys described."
"Erinys sent a lot of letter, huh?"
"Of course, since it was the only way I heard anything about my son." Her smile dropped for an annoyed, angry look. "No letters at all from him, for so long…"
"He's still searching for his answer, I think."
"Mmm… yes, I know." Her anger faded for melancholy, and I had a feeling that most of her 'anger' was born from that sorrow and worry. "My husband's death… it hurt Lewyn deeply. They were very close. Then he had everything thrown on him. The throne, the civil war… in retrospect, I really should've watched him more closely. I should be grateful he only ran away."
"It still hurts, though."
"Oh, yes. He's my only son, my pride, and when he ran, I lost both him and my husband. I had no idea if he lived or not until we caught a brief rumor from a merchant who talked of a master bard who could hear the wind."
"Oh, dear, are you complaining about Lewyn again, my queen?" Annand poked her head in and, unlike Queen Rahna, she skipped over to me and gave me a quick hug before peering in the cradle. "Aw, they're so cute~!" Annand cooed, poking their squishy cheeks. "So, a blonde and a redhead. Do you know the eye color yet?"
"Right now, they've both a light blue, but they could darken. Seliph's turned from a light blue to a darker one these past few months," I replied, amused at how she continued cooing over them. "So, we'll see what happens."
"Seems like they've a good chance of them staying blue, considering Chulainn, but hey, maybe you'll have one with green eyes like yours!" Annand grinned, and I laughed. "Anyway, Queen Rahna, I was coming to get you to return, but if you talked only of serious things instead of just congratulating Alicia for making it through the birthing and cuddling with the cuties, then maybe I should pretend to still be looking for you?"
"No, no, I have to return to my own work," Queen Rahna laughed. She smiled warmly at me. "Unless you need anything else, Alicia? Any health issues this past week?"
"No, I've been recovering very well," I reassured. Though there had been a couple of worries a few days ago, since I'd developed an infection from everything. Thankfully, we caught it quickly enough that I'd have no long-term effects save for a slightly longer recovery. "Now, we're panicking over Ayra. She's likely going to be next to give birth."
"She's expecting twins as well, yes?"
"She is." Ayra and I had a good laugh about that, and we blamed the Odo blood for it. "Thank you for your concern, though."
"Of course." Her smile grew. "Let me know if you need anything."
"We will." I waved as she left with Annand, and sighed as soon as I was certain she was out of earshot. I adored and respected Queen Rahna for everything she'd done for us, but there was this… presence about her that made me uncomfortable. It might've simply be how mothering she could be, since I'd heard Sigurd and Ethlyn comment on that trait. I never knew my mother, because she had abandoned me. It was one thing to be fussed over by friends, family, but by a 'mother'… it made my skin crawl. It also made me a bit worried that…
"I see a frown." Sigurd was suddenly in my vision and I yelped and stumbled back, nearly tripping over the darn cradle! He caught me though. "Wow, you were really out of it," he commented, helping me regain my balance. "Sorry. I knocked, but you didn't answer, so I came in to make sure you were okay, consider a few days ago."
"I've been cleared, twice, but I do appreciate the concern," I replied, doing my best to gather what little dignity I had. He smiled slightly, though, and I decided to not even bother. I'd only succeed if I put on my healer mask, and he'd see through it too easily in this sort of circumstance. "What brings you here? You missed Queen Rahna."
"I already gave my thanks and farewells. I was coming to check on you." He poked my cheek and I made a face. "But you were frowning, and it didn't look like a thinking frown. What's wrong?"
"It's nothing really." I glanced away, eyes darting for anything to look at but him. "I'm just a little-"
"It's funny how you switch from being a good liar and a bad depending on the circumstances." He grinned and I rolled my eyes. "So?"
"…I was thinking of my mother." I looked down to my children, fast asleep still. They looked so very peaceful, but I… "I was also worrying on whether or not I'd be a good mother for them."
"I think you told me, once, that your mother abandoned you?"
"Yes. As soon as my Holy Mark appeared, much earlier than typical for a minor, I was given away." I glanced down to my right arm and instinctively tugged my sleeve over my glove, making sure it was completely hidden, even though he already knew. "As soon as I became inconvenient, she left me."
"Could it have been to protect you?"
"Maybe, but it doesn't change what she did." It didn't change how I grew up only tolerated, surrounded by people who barely cared. It didn't change that until I met Arvis, I had never seen anyone smile at me, really smile. "So, I have no real basis to compare to, and then there is my job."
"Claude doesn't mind splitting."
"I do appreciate that, but it's how I am. I am a healer, and I work to heal people." The past few months where I couldn't do anything in the infirmary or for the injured who trickled in nearly drove me mad. "I can't exactly carry them about an infirmary, but I can't just leave the work to someone else, especially now."
"So, basically, you're worried because your mother left you with some complexes and you're scared you'll give your own children similar complexes because of how devoted you are to your work?" He smiled when I glowered. "I have the benefit of hearing it all at once, and not as it came."
"I suppose." It did still make me feel grouchy. "So, that's what I was frowning about."
"I see." He fell silent, and he closed his eyes. "Well, I won't say those aren't concerns to have or that they're silly. But at the same time, I don't think you have that much to worry about."
"You do?"
"Yes." He opened his eyes and smiled warmly. "At least, not based off of how you've acted with others in the army. Shanan, Oifeye, Finn, Seliph, Lachesis, Deirdre… your kindness and concern for others leads so many to look up to you, and rely on you."
"That's…" I felt a blush prickle over my face. "Um…"
"Of course, you don't notice because a lot of it is just how you are. They are traits that led you to become a healer in the first place, much like how Eldigan's own reliability and loyalty led to him being a knight. So, because of that, I think you'll be an excellent mother to them. And you'll have something your mother didn't."
"Yes?"
"Help." Sigurd took my hands and squeezed them reassuringly. "I don't know your mother's circumstances, but I'd bet she didn't have a lot of support. You do, though. As you work on balancing being a mother and a healer, we'll be there to support you, just as you and everyone have helped me with Seliph." He grinned. "This army is a strange mash of people, but we're also a pretty extensive family, or so I think. Family sticks together."
"That's… you…" I growled wordlessly and sulked. "How can you say such cheesy things with a straight face?"
"It's a gift~!" He laughed and let go of my hands to lean over the cradle. I knew he knew how grateful I actually was. "So, do you want to do a naming ceremony for them? Like we did for Seliph?"
"No, I really don't like fuss and neither does Chulainn." I smiled sadly, my annoyance and blush fading. "I'd suffer it for Deirdre, but honestly, only her."
"I figured, but I wanted to check." He reached down and gently took their hands. "Have you two decided on names yet, then? We'll just spread it quietly."
"We have. Chulainn left to tell Ayra, as he promised her she'd be among the first to learn to get her to stop badgering him about properly marrying me." I looked down at my twins and smiled. "The older one, my daughter, is named Caitriona. It's a name Deirdre picked out, the one time we talked about it."
"I see." He squeezed her hand and she mumbled, curling towards him in her sleep. "And your son?"
"Conall." I laughed as Conall actually woke up and blinked blearily at me, red hair falling into his eyes. "His name is Conall."
"Good names." He grinned at me, eyes sparkling. "I can't wait until Seliph meets them. He'll adore them."
"I'm sure he'll adore having more playmates!" Still, the mental image was a heartwarming one. "Ah, but I'm still recovering. Can you…?"
"I'll start spreading the word." He reached over and hugged me. "You just rest. For once."
"Yes, yes." I made a face, and he laughed, led me to a nearby chair to sit down. "I'll be good."
He laughed and left, a definite skip to his step. I laughed and relaxed in the chair, closing my eyes to briefly rest. However, I apparently just fell fast asleep as when I woke, there was a blanket draped over me and night had clearly fallen. I blinked slowly, eyes trying to adjust to both being awake and the lack of light, and I smiled when I saw Chulainn by the window, holding one of our children. The faint bit of gold hair, the same shade as Chulainn's, showed it was Caitriona. She gurgled and reached up for his face and he smiled softly and kissed her forehead.
"Chulainn?" I called quietly. He looked up at me. "You could've woken me up, you know."
"You looked like you were having a good dream," he defended. He walked over and set Caitriona down in the cradle, next to the sleeping Conall. "Unlike our daughter. She woke up fussing."
"She might've been hungry." I held out my hands and he picked her up again to bring her over. "They need a lot of feedings during the first month, and they really shouldn't go more than four hours."
"Ah, I'm sorry." He picked up Conall too and Conall woke up with a whimper. "Sorry, little one, but your mother says you need to eat."
"After his sister, since she had the sense to wake up first." I laughed and looked up at them. "I love you."
"I love you too." He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Anything I need to do?"
"Just keep Conall awake and busy while I feed Caitriona, okay?"
The coming days were going to be trying, for many reasons, but right now, I was happy. I was very, very happy.
Author's notes: For the record, I am aware that we got more localized names, specifically of four crusaders (or three and a rename of one because I can't remember). For the time being, I will continue to use the names that I've been using, and not purposely switch (though, I might accidentally, since I do double-check spellings of names and the like, and likely the newer ones will show up). Just going ahead and leaving that here.
Azel and Tailtiu's conversation is based off their Chapter 4 lover talk. If you look at a map of Jugdral, you'll see that Silesse and Isaach are the most northern countries, separated from the rest by mountains and the Yied desert. 'Bratzel' comes from the Oosawa manga. Hannibal is a character that shows in later in FE4, and in FE5.
Iodrie is a made up flower, but the meanings associated with snowdrops (a real flower) are based off of different stories associated with them. Typically, a baby drinks exclusively breast milk for about six months and then a combination of solids and breast milk until about a year old, after which, they're more interested in the solid foods. Newborns tend to feed about 8-12 times a day during the first month, and gradually lessen the number of times they need to feed.
Next Chapter – Interlude, Farewells
