Chapter 23) Seraphim
Perhaps not surprisingly, the next few days were quiet. No few of us hoped that we'd hear some message from Daccar declaring his unconditional surrender, though we all doubted it would be that easy. Instead, we strengthen defenses and work on healing. Lewyn and Erinys slowly recover, and the pegasus knights finally healed enough that they no longer required constant supervision, though they needed far more mental support to try and move past their traumas.
As everyone heals, we focus on our ultimate goal. If Daccar will not surrender, then we will have to continue the fight. Even if we wanted to stay back, we knew Daccar would send his forces at us. So, we only awaited Sigurd, and the rest of our cavalry, to push forward. I could only hope everything would be okay.
"Hello, every… hey, wait, where's Erinys?" Early for her afternoon shift, Sylvia skipped into the infirmary and looked about curiously, as if Erinys was hiding under the beds or something, before frowning. "I thought she was helping in the infirmary," she continued, setting her hands on her hips. "I also thought this was your joint shift with Claude, Alicia."
"It is," I told her, continuing my mending. There had been quite a few torn clothes in the past few days, mostly children taking advantage of the quiet to actually play about in the snow, so I volunteered to do it during my shifts. It was relaxing. "Claude's doing inventory in the back. To be more accurate, he's making sure my numbers are correct. I wasn't certain on a few."
"That makes sense." Sylvia jumped in there briefly, scaring Claude based on the yelp I heard, and came out again with all the medicine making equipment and the herbs to make some of the more popular medicines, such as headache remedies. "And Erinys?"
"She had another breakdown over Annand, so she's with Lachesis." By chance, Lachesis had already been here so that Claude and I could give her a checkup, so we hadn't needed to send for her this time. "I thought you and Lewyn were performing."
"We finished up, and he went to chat with Brigid again. He said to tell you that he'd be a bit late for his shift. The children are starting to feel homesick, so he's promised to tell them some stories."
"That's fine." I smiled at her before returning to my mending. "Do I need to move anything out of your way?"
"Nooooope~! I've got plenty of space." She giggled and began measuring things out. She was an old hand at this and, honestly, she was the best of us at making medicines. Shanan and Oifeye were close seconds, though, and to Claude's and my amusement, all three were better than us. It made sense, since they had more time to learn of other remedies, and more time to memorize all the measurements, but it still amused and pleased us. I was very proud of all three of them. "Say, Alicia?"
"Yes?"
"This is something I've been wondering for a while, just based number of people I've seen come talk to you and Claude." She paused for a moment as she double-checked a measurement. "Is it part of your job to serve as a confidant too?"
"Is… huh?" I gave her a confused look, not quite sure why she was asking. "Well, there is patient confidentiality, but that generally just involves matters with their own health." Lewyn's worries about Forseti, for instance, were something kept strictly between Claude and me. If Lewyn chose to tell others, that was his choice, but neither of us would say a word unless it became a struggle between life and death.
"But people tell you secrets, right? Like, emotional things?"
"They're not secrets, no? Some people will ramble at us to gather their thoughts, certainly, but I can only think of a handful of things people have confided solely in me." Honestly, the only thing I could think of at the moment was Chulainn's past. Though, I supposed I did keep some things Sigurd told me quiet, but then again, Sigurd was rather open with a lot of his worries, so it was difficult to know who knew what. I simply made a point of being near when I knew he was upset, because he was my friend, he was Deirdre's husband, and I'd promised Eldigan I'd keep an eye on him.
Still, since she had asked, I decided to try and think about it a bit more to give her the best answer I could. Some things came to mind immediately and it was mostly what I didn't know. I knew next to nothing about what Alec, Arden, Naoise, Dew, Beowolf, or Jamke went through, and those were just the people I know the names of. I had a professional relationship with most people in the army, from the soldiers to the messengers, and I preferred it that way, since it made it easier to do my job. Though, even among my friends, I didn't know everything. Oifeye never asked me for emotional advice or anything and the most I knew about Claude's emotional issues was that he didn't know what he felt about Sylvia, and I doubted I'd ever learn more. I'd listen, of course, since they were my friends, but that was their choice, not mine. It was always their choice.
For instance, I hadn't known until recently that Ayra and Lex had issues and discussions about how his father could've been involved with the death of her father, not to mention her feeling guilty for falling in love with someone from Grannvale. In fact, I only knew about it nowadays because I'd overheard Ayra mention it to Brigid when they were talking about Brigid's own feelings for Jamke. Otherwise, Ayra kept her issues close, save for when her emotions overwhelmed her. Hearing of her brother's death had certainly been one of those times, but Lex had handled the bulk of that. I'd simply helped with cheering her up, after the initial bit.
Tailtiu was another I didn't know too much about, emotionally wise. I did know, of course, that she still had issues over her father's crimes and how his actions, and her running away, might've hurt her family's honor. But I didn't know exactly how deep those issues went, and I didn't know what other problems she was having. But I had seen her talking privately with Lex and Azel, as well as Erinys, Lewyn, and Lachesis, so I assumed that if she'd told anyone, it was one of them. I was here if she needed me, but she seemed to enjoy teasing me far more.
Now, Lachesis… I did watch out for her. She was like my little sister, and I had promised Eldigan I would keep an eye on her. However, there was no way I was the only one she talked to. Many times I'd seen her and Ayra talk quietly, and chose to not get close to eavesdrop since it really wasn't my business if she chose to not tell me. Shanan was another one I kept a close eye on. He was also family, he was a child, and technically speaking, he was still my charge. Even with that close eye, though, there had been parts of his trauma that I had missed and they were issues I couldn't help with. Thankfully others could, like Chulainn and Lex.
That didn't even go into Azel and Aideen. Azel did come to me for some things, like his feelings for Tailtiu, but other things, I knew he kept quiet. It was sometimes annoying, because I was his older sister and I wanted to help him, but there were things you just couldn't tell your siblings. Aideen didn't really confide much in me either, despite her advice to Brigid. In fact, I was convinced she'd only advised Brigid to come to me was because I could help her find others to talk with. For instance, Brigid now talked with mostly Ayra about her feelings for Jamke and she talked to Lewyn and Claude frequently now too, as a fellow Major Blooded who could understand better her issues with it.
I had to admit that Erinys had sought me out before, to have an outsider's opinion on Lewyn and his motivations when she first joined, but I remembered I hadn't been her first choice; Sylvia had. And while Lachesis had asked me specifically to check in on her after Annand's death, that had been less because of the potential emotional issues and more because Lachesis had been very afraid Erinys would've needed immediate medical attention and knew she'd have no idea of what to do, whereas I did have lessons and training with that sort of thing. I had also seen her talking many times with Lachesis, Sylvia, and Ayra over her conflicted feelings, and stayed away to avoid eavesdropping.
That all said, I did have to admit I'd seen quite a few of my friends during their emotional lows. In fact, I sought them out when I knew something had happened. After Eldigan died, for instance, I made sure to check in on Lachesis and Sigurd every day, knowing that Ethlyn and Quan would lean on each other and that Chulainn and Lex would take care of Finn. When I had realized Sylvia was depressed back in Silvail, I had tried to cheer her up. But wasn't that normal for a friend to do? Was I supposed to simply stay back when I thought they were hurting? That didn't seem right.
Caught up in all the thoughts, I realized I was just being silent and not really thinking on an answer to Sylvia's question. So, I discarded most of them to try and focus on what she might have been referring too, and once I thought past 'emotional things' I realized in an instance what it had to be. I was almost embarrassed at how long it had taken me to figure that out.
"Sylvia, I think you've seen a lot of people coming to Claude and me for medicinal advice," I finally said. I double-checked that my stitches hadn't gone awry during my thoughts and undid a few that had. "With that said, ultimately, no, it's not necessarily a healer's job to be anyone's confidant. It's our job to be the reliable ones in an army, pillars of stability and serenity." I couldn't count how many lessons I had on the subject. I understood that most people in the medical field were taught that. "Some people will tell us things because of that presence, but it's hard to say what I know or don't know about everyone's emotional issues. I only know of the ones who come to me, or those I seek out. It is impossible for me to be everywhere at once, and to know everything about what is going on here." I smiled at Sylvia and laughed a little. "We've all been through a lot, so I assume that we're all supporting each other as best as we can. I simply play a single part in that."
"It's rather heartwarming, actually, how many of us support each other," Claude added, stepping out of the back room. He set down the inventory list on the table and went to make tea for the three of us. "At least, it seems to me that we do. I see so many gossiping and so many helping each other through panic attacks and bouts of crying."
"It truly is." I leaned back in my chair to stretch out my neck before focusing more on my mending. "Did you hear all of the little conversation, or just the last bit?"
"I heard most of it. You weren't quiet." Claude brought back the tea, and I noticed with amusement that he'd give Sylvia the 'nicest' mug of the ones we had. "I agree that most of those who come to us are probably for medical advice, though. That's part of our job, and very few people want to come by the infirmary if they don't think they have to. It's only those we call friends who seek out our company."
"I guess it's because you guys only stick to a small group of people, but that's more time for me to steal~!" Sylvia giggled. Claude and I exchanged a knowing, and a little sad, smile. We were both very lucky to have the friends we did. "So, that's what's been going on. I've been worried you two were spreading yourselves too thin."
"I believe we're both doing well? I am, at least," Claude replied, before turning to me. "What about you? You are adding 'being a mother' to all of our duties."
"Why do you think I stay near my friends?" I asked with a little laugh of my own. Though, I did think that was also typical. I had enough of being around people apathetic towards me while I was growing up, and I certainly didn't want to stay near those who didn't like me. "They help me relax and to not stress out so much, and cuddling Caitriona and Conall is the perfect way to wind down after a busy day."
"The kids are so cute!" Sylvia declared with a little giggle. She started mixing up some of the potions, and let a few sit to 'set'. She's mix them with beeswax later for balms. "Especially now that they don't spit up so much."
"No, they're all very neat now. You can deal with spit ups again when Lachesis gives birth." Suddenly quite curious, I poked Claude's shoulder, making sure that my needle was safely pointed away. "How do you relax, actually? How do you wind down from the day?"
"I read, actually," Claude answered. His smile was calm, but there was a distinct mischievous light in his eyes. "I've been reading one of Tailtiu's actually. It's quite fascinating, though some of the scenes are very anatomically incorrect."
It took me a full second to realize what Claude meant, and I spent the next several minutes choking on laughter and blushing madly as I realized that Claude, calm and gentle Claude, Head of the Church Claude, read erotica to wind down from infirmary work. That was just too hilarious.
After finishing my shift in the infirmary, I went to the nursery to check on the children and to give Shanan a bit of a break in watching them. Of course, the children were all wide-awake and eager to play and chew on everything, so I spent the better part of an hour running about trying to make sure they didn't hurt themselves, and around that point, someone else came in to help out: Jamke. Neither of us had really expected each other, so we stood there awkwardly for a moment before the children stole both of our attentions and we had to try and get them to play nicely and not hurt themselves. That cut any awkwardness to shreds, though the two of us did have difficulties maintaining conversation. It was almost amusing.
"Did Deirdre teach you that song?" Jamke asked at one point while playing with Larcei. I'd just finished humming a lullaby to get Ulster to settle down long enough for me to check his health. "The song you just hummed?"
"No, Arvis did," I replied. Done with my check, I tickled Ulster's stomach to make him laugh and scooped him up to return him to the others. I picked up Caitriona and comforted her as she protested being taken away from her toys. "It's one his mother sung to him, though he no longer remembered the words when he taught me. Azel might remember them, though."
"Where was his mother from?" Jamke tossed Larcei up briefly before catching her again. That really was her favorite game. "Do you know?"
"No, I'm afraid not." I set Caitriona on the check up table and laughed when I saw Conall reach up towards us. "Okay, I'll get both of you." I picked him up and kissed his chubby cheek before placing him on the table next to Caitriona. The two immediately began giggling and playing together. "Oh, this might not have been a good idea."
"Just a little." Jamke laughed and I rolled my eyes and worked on getting the two to at least let me check their health. It took a few tries to trick them into thinking it was another game. "Sorry for badgering. The song sounded similar to a well-known Verdanite lullaby. But without the words, I suppose it would be difficult to figure out if it's the same or not. Melodies can sometimes be repeated."
"I could also be humming it wrong. It has been a while since I heard it." I also didn't have much practice at it. Chulainn normally sung them lullabies when it was time to go to sleep. "But as I said, Azel might remember."
"I see. I'll ask him." The conversation died again, and I really couldn't help but smile in amusement. We were both rather bad at this, or at least, I was. Looking back, most of my friendships started with people reaching out to me.
So, I decided to try and simply treat him as I did my other friends, which meant only one thing: teasing. "So, how are things going with Brigid?"
"Wha-?!" Jamke choked on a laugh and set Larcei down to avoid accidentally dropping her. He also went more than a little red. "I… that's…" He tried and failed to say something a few times and I just giggled and laughed. Conall and Caitriona laughed too, maybe thinking it was just part of another game. "No offense meant, but anything like that, I think I'd rather discuss with someone else."
"Of course." I was still giggling. "Honestly, I really just wanted to see your reaction."
"You can be far more mischievous than your 'calm healer' implies."
"The healer mask is for keeping calm and for pretending you know what to do to reassure the people around you. It… mostly works." I set Conall back down on the floor to play with Ulster, but I picked up Caitriona and clung. I still remembered the terror and panic I'd felt, not knowing where she was during that ambush. Racing about wildly, desperately trying to find her… I doubted I'd ever forget it. "Aideen and Claude do the same."
"Guess it's like being a leader. Leaders are expected to be calm too. Though, Sigurd makes the whole 'showcasing his emotions' work."
"He still tries to work even through trauma." One only had to look at how he kept going through all of this to see that. "Say, Jamke?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you hard anything about Verdane?" I couldn't help but think on it. Verdane… that campaign had started all of this. It had changed all of our lives forever. No one could've expected that simple campaign would lead us all the way here, taking sanctuary in Silesse. "Queen Rahna let us… um…"
"She managed to get messages too, so I know my steward is holding things together. Grannvale has been a bit… tense on the border, but they've mostly been working on taking over Agustria for 'violating' the peace treaty. I've little doubts Verdane will suffer the same fate, eventually."
"Do you want to return?"
"Yes. I miss my home, and I've been away for… two years now? Three? Years are so hard to keep track of, sometimes." He shrugged like he was unbothered, but his eyes held pain. "However, I and Verdane owe Sigurd a debt, and I can't simply head home anyway. Until Sigurd is cleared of his charges, I have little doubt that any attempts to try would just result in my execution."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not. I made my choices, and I stand by them. I just hope my people won't suffer badly for them." Jamke glanced down briefly before visibly steadying his resolve for something. "Say, there's a question I've had for a while."
"Yes?"
"Forgive me for this, but I am an outsider to things about Grannvale, so it lets me look at things from a different perspective." He looked down again briefly before focusing completely on me. "And you're probably the worst person to ask, but at the same time, I'm probably most interested in your answer out of the people currently here."
"Well, now I'm almost afraid of the question." I set Caitriona down so that she could play with Larcei. "What is it?"
"Why are you so certain Arvis is going to help us?" He said the words calmly, evenly, yet still, they sounded… I had no word for it. "Perhaps it's because of what happened between my brothers and me, but…"
"That is…" I fell silent, desperately trying to gather my thoughts and failing miserably. It was just second nature for me to trust Arvis. He was my brother, my Lord Brother. He was the first person to ever smile at me, and the first person to tell me I wasn't a nuisance. Without him, I would've been alone. Without him, I never really would've joined up with this army and found the happiness I did, because I originally only came along because of Azel and Arvis was the one who first told me of him. "I'm afraid the only answers I can think of at the moment involve caustic words that I know you don't deserve."
"I figured. It's just…" He sighed and reached up to fix his bandana. "From my perspective, with the exceptions of the ones with us, all the Grannvale nobles seem to fall into two categories: our enemies or dead. And I just find it… I find it all convenient, really. The prince dead with his two advisors being blamed… obviously they were framed, but who benefits? It seems like no one truly, since based on what I've heard, Grannvale wouldn't accept Reptor or Langbalt as king." He paused, and I knew what his next words would be. "But what about Arvis? He's popular enough, or so it seems based on how you all talk to him. And his fiancé just so happens to be the hidden princess? So hidden that even Prince Kurth didn't know?"
"Arvis would never force… he'd never trick…" I struggled to try and explain my thoughts, but they all clunk together. All I felt was a war between my desire to have a proper conversation with Jamke for once and the need to defend my brother, my precious and lonely older brother. "Even if what you say is true, I know for a fact that he would never force her into that sort of situation and he wouldn't marry her if he didn't love her. But he wouldn't…"
"Sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up." Jamke smiled apologetically. "It goes against your being to distrust him, doesn't it? I forget that some siblings actually trust each other, sometimes."
"I will always trust and love him. I won't necessarily forgive him for everything, and I know that he has lofty goals and those goals might…" I sighed and smiled wanly at him finally. That question really did shake me. "But, I can't see him not helping Sigurd. He likes Sigurd, always has, and Azel and I are here. He loves us. So, it's just… I can't give you a proper answer, and I wish I could. It's just a very strong belief."
"I see." Jamke closed his eyes and nodded. "All right, we'll let it end there. I'm still not quite convinced, but it does give me more insight into why everyone seems convinced he's on our side."
"I wish I could defend him better, or at least be a little more coherent in why…" I sighed and shrugged. "Maybe Sigurd can explain more, or Azel. But I can't, sadly. You're right. Trusting him is just… I can't not trust him."
"I'll ask them, then. Sorry to shake you so." Jamke suddenly looked down and pointed. "Um… is Lester supposed to be chewing on that?"
There was a split-second of panic before realizing that Lester was just chewing on one of his blocks, a 'not-good-but-also-not-too-bad' thing. The two of us did have to spend several moments getting the children back to playing nicely, though, and poor Jamke had to deal with Seliph climbing on him to try and pull his bandana off. Overall, though, focusing on the children chased most of the tense air away.
But it didn't take all of it, and I had to admit to something horrible that I never would have thought of otherwise. It would be well within Arvis's capabilities to have arranged a lot of this, or at least, take advantage of these strange circumstances. I knew he was clever enough, and pragmatic enough, to do so. But I still trusted him, and I still believed in him. I believed he'd help Sigurd and this army. He was my brother, after all. I would always believe in him. Always…
"So, what happened?" Chulainn asked after we finished putting Caitriona and Conall to bed. It was late evening, past their bedtime truthfully, but I'd clung to them a little longer than normal. "You've been off for most of the evening."
"It's nothing really," I replied. I sat down on the bed to brush my hair, but he took the brush from me to do it himself. "Jamke brought up a reasonable point that goes against a lot of the things I believe, but that I also can't really refute."
"So, you've been unsettled because of it."
"Yes, that's all. You don't think the twins noticed, do you?"
"I don't think so, no." He finished brushing my hair and began braiding it back for me. "It's hard to tell. They love cuddling just as much as you do. They're quite affectionate. Must've gotten it from you."
"So says the person who often refuses to let me out of bed in the morning."
"You're warm."
"So, I am your personal fire now?"
"You are the light of my life, alongside Caitriona and Conall." He laughed brightly when I blushed madly. "You're blushing to the tips of your ears."
"Y-you can't just say stuff like that!" I sulked as he continued laughing. "They definitely got it from you."
"Are you upset about that?"
"Of course not. You're wonderful. But when they're older, if they start saying cute things like that, I know the three of you are going to team up and make sure I never stop blushing."
"That sounds like fun. We can coordinate it."
"You're impossible." I huffed and pretended to be mad, but it didn't last long. For one thing, I knew he saw through it easily. For another, despite the fun banter, my mind inevitably went back to Jamke's very reasonable question. In fact, I was surprised no one had asked us sooner, but maybe they'd just... hadn't known how. "Chulainn?"
"Yes?" He leaned over and picked up a hair tie from the nightstand to tie off my braid. "What is it?"
"Do you trust Arvis?"
"Hard to trust someone you haven't had a conversation with, Alicia." Still, he hugged me, drawing me into his lap to kiss my cheek. "However, you trust him and I trust you. Until I meet him, that's the closest it'll get."
"I see." I smiled slightly, comforted, and shifted to tuck myself against his chest. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Things are weird. I'm guessing Jamke was asking you why you believed he'd help."
"So, you thought it too."
"Honestly, those of us who have never met him all wonder about it, and how reasonable it is to trust a Grannvale noble in all of this. But all the people who know him seem convinced he'll help out, so we all yield to you. While keeping a little wary."
"I'm sorry." I felt an instinctual spike of outrage that they'd doubt Arvis, but I quickly beat it back down. Of course they'd doubt. Everything about our circumstances was strange. We might be the odd ones for holding onto our trust. But it was… "I'm sure he'll help us."
"Of course."
"He wants to meet you. He looks forward to it."
"Hopefully my meeting him won't lead to me being set on fire."
"Arvis wouldn't do that. I love you."
"I love you too. I'm just making a morbid joke." He tightened his hug and kissed the top of my head. "You don't have to reassure me. I believe you. I'll just keep wary anyway, just in case."
"In case I'm wrong?"
"Or if someone manages to intercept him. I will admit to being worried for his life."
"That's…" Panic seized me as I realized he was right. Arvis was likely an assassination target right now. He always had been, but now, he was probably an even bigger one. Th-though, he did… "He has Valflame. And guards. And Aida. B-between all of that…" My voice got squeakier and squeakier as the thought burrowed into my head. "He should… he should…"
"Alicia, easy!" Chulainn turned me so that I faced him and rested his forehead against mine. "Alicia, try to take a deep breath."
"Right…" It took a couple of attempts, but I did manage to steady my breathing. I didn't quite calm down, but I was able to settle down. It was enough. "I'm sorry."
"That was probably one of the worst things to say when you were already worried." He kissed me gently, and I smiled into the kiss. I always smiled when he kissed me. "Let's talk of happier things."
"I'm debating making clothes for the children. Though, I never really made clothes before. I've mended-"
"Of course you have."
"Hush, you." I rolled my eyes and he laughed. "But I was thinking about that. Should I?"
"You'll probably want to have someone helping you. It always looked tricky to me. But I have no idea who'd be good for that."
"I'll ask around, then." It was a fun little thought. "We should buy some stuffed toys for the two as well."
"Dogs."
"How did I know you'd say that?" I had to laugh and he grinned. "What about a stuffed wolf? Will that be fine?"
"Wolves are nice too. They're rather big, though. Bigger than you expect."
"I think a toy would be small no matter what."
"I'm talking in general. They're fun to play with, though."
"I… wait, hold on." I frowned at him and he grinned. "You played with wolves? Wolves?!"
"I thought they were just big dogs at the time. Really big dogs. The ones I wrestled with were very friendly and fluffy."
"I swear by all that's holy, if the twins do anything like that…"
"It's okay. I'll teach them how to do it safely."
"Don't teach them at all!" I glowered when he just laughed. "I mean it, Chulainn!"
"Yes, yes." He looked 'perfectly' innocent, which told me he was already plotting on how, but before I could call him out on it, his eyes darted to the door. "There's shouting."
"Is there?" I heard nothing, but I knew better than to doubt his hearing and instincts. "Is it another ambush?"
"Not sure." Chulainn got off the bed and opened the hall to look outside. I fetched a shirt for him to wear with his sleeping pants, and a robe for me to throw over my nightgown. "Hello, Sylvia."
"Hello, Chulainn!" Sylvia replied, apparently in the hall. I threw the shirt at Chulainn and stepped out of the hall too. She was also dressed in her nightgown, though she didn't have a robe. "Hi, Alicia!" She smiled sweetly at us both. "So, surprise, we got ambushed."
"I'm guessing that the cheer means that it's nothing to really worried about?" I asked. I silently offered her my robe, since I did have another, but she shook her head. She really didn't get cold easily, it seemed. "What's going on?"
"It's mostly pegasus knights, and we have a lot of archers. Skilled archers. Midir, Brigid, and Jamke got them all in formation or whatever quickly, so they're dropping fast."
"Still, we should treat this seriously," Chulainn murmured. He leaned against the doorway and kept one eye on the windows. Caitriona and Conall's crib was safely away, but it was still worrisome. "Arrows do have a maximum reach. There's also a chance this is a cover for an assassination attempt."
"Yeah, it's being treated seriously, but if you're not a ranged fighter, then you're asked to just be on alert and prepared to fight," Sylvia confirmed with a smile. "Though, Claude does want you in the infirmary, Alicia, just in case."
"That makes sense," I murmured. It was better to be prepared and not need the preparations. "Thanks for coming to tell us, Sylvia."
"It's not a problem. I was heading this way anyway, looking for Erinys. Don't suppose you two have seen her?"
"Erinys is missing?" That… that didn't sound good. "No, I haven't seen her since picking up Caitriona and Conall from the nursery. She was babysitting them."
"Darn it." Sylvia sighed, trading her smile for a worried frown. "It makes sense, but I still kind of hoped…"
"Any luck, Sylvia?" Lewyn ran up then, not wearing his scarf for once. He wasn't dressed for bed, though, so I wondered if he'd been in a high place again, playing for Annand. "I'm… guessing not," he whispered, smiling bitterly. Sylvia shook her head to confirm and he sighed. "Damn it. I hope she's not outside."
"Why would she be outside?" Chulainn asked. He still kept an eye on the windows, but he reached around Sylvia to pat Lewyn's shoulder reassuringly. "It's late."
"For a flight. She flies at night to calm down enough to sleep. Midir said it was okay, but with all this going on…"
"Why is it that someone goes outside right before an ambush?" Chulainn said the words lightly, but I saw how tense he was. He still remembered that terrifying moment. It had to be worse for him, since he had only arrived at the infirmary to learn Caitriona was missing, and I'd run off in a panic. "I'll go looking after dropping the children at the nursery."
"I'll ask around on my way to the infirmary," I added, smiling reassuringly. Lewyn tried to smile back, but it was clear he was far too terrified to really be comforted. "We'll find her."
"And she might be injured, but she'll be fine. She's a talented flier and fighter. She might be out helping the archers." Chulainn rolled his shoulders and sighed. "I better get my armor on again. Gods damn it. Why can't they come in the morning like polite people?"
"You can politely ambush people?"
"You can ambush like civilized folk, yes." He looked so annoyed that even Lewyn managed a chuckle. "Let's get going, then. With luck, everyone will be safe and sound and we can sleep like the civilized people we are."
"Here's hoping."
As I walked to the infirmary, I asked every person I passed about Erinys, including a couple of people who simply rolled their eyes and ignored me. I wondered what I'd done to get that sort of reaction, but decided it didn't matter. There were just some people who didn't like me, and it was in both of our interests to simply move on. I simply continued on with my task, though it wasn't until I made it to the infirmary that I heard any sort of answer besides 'I have no freaking clue'. One of the pegasus knights had seen her flying shortly before news of the attack had spread. My instinctive reaction was to go find her, but I knew that would just be stupid. In a situation like this, I'd just be a burden. So, instead, I sent a messenger off to let Lewyn and Sylvia know, and worked with Claude to prepare the infirmary.
"Either they weren't expecting as many archers as we have, or there is another point to this assault," Claude observed after a while. We both had ample time on our hands, due to how few wounded there were. Most were just archers who had bloodied their hands from firing so much, or had a mishap with their bowstring. "I am assuming, at least, that we do not have a mountain of dead."
"We would've heard something by now," I agreed, changing the sheets on one of the beds. I'd planned on changing them in the morning, but since we were here, and the infirmary was actually empty for once, I figured I'd make myself busy. "I'm nervous that someone will attack the nursery."
"Ayra and Chulainn are both there, alongside Shanan, and there are few windows there for our enemies to exploit." Claude smiled gently at me. "If we remain quiet for a while longer, I think we can afford having you go check."
"I'll be fine. Logically, I know they'll be fine." Mentally, though, I couldn't help but worry anyway. Thankfully, the children were all asleep now. I'd hate to think of how scared they'd be otherwise. "I wonder if this is…" 'What my mother felt.' I couldn't say the words. They were drowned instantly by the instinctual torrent of hurt and loathing. I hated her. I hated her so much, as much as I hated my father. But, I couldn't help but wonder, just a little, if she knew this fear and if that had been why…
An awkward silence lingered, with Claude waiting for me to finish my sentence and me not really being willing to do so. However, a sudden burst of cold made both of us turn and we saw someone cutting through the blanket we used to cover the window. I ran to grab the Sleep Staff in the corner, while Claude ducked into the back for something. Since I had less distance to travel, I got to mine first and cast Sleep on the pegasus knight carving a large hole. She instantly slowed, shaking her head as she struggled to fight off the drowsiness. Then Claude appeared and just blasted her off her pegasus with a Thunder tome.
"Since when do we have tomes?" I asked, surprised. We didn't have them in the back when I'd been here earlier. "I'm not complaining, certainly, but…"
"Tailtiu threw hers in here for me to use, just in case, before joining the defenses," Claude explained. The knight's pegasus disappeared from the window, and when I looked out to check, I saw it trying to wake up its splattered rider down below. "Remind me why we haven't repaired this window yet?"
"There was too much to do, and the closest glass maker is across the river. Believe me; I have tried to have it replaced." I sighed, set down Sleep, and began taking down the ruined blanket. "If a mage ends up near, Silence is in the corner."
"I must admit to liking two non-violent ways to shut enemies down. When it works."
"Yeah, we should actually study those staves to get an idea of how I should use them. I've tried a few ways, and sometimes, it works really well, and other times…" I remembered that dark mage. He'd resisted Sleep entirely. Deirdre and I had gotten too reliant on it. "I wish I'd thought about that before danger came to us again."
"Well, you were distracted by motherhood and I could've asked. I think all of us secretly hoped that there would be no more danger anyway." He took the blanket from me, sighing. I didn't know if he sighed over the blanket, or of the hopeless little wish we'd all had. "Well, this will make good padding, or bandages, now. Unless you want to try to repair it."
"I might be able to mend it, but that'll be later, not now."
"Right. Stay near here, just in case. I'll find a heavier one for us to pin up."
"Of course." I leaned against the wall, doing my best to not shiver. Unlike Claude, who was in his normal robes, I was still in my nightgown and robe, so it was particularly chilly. I wished I'd changed clothes, but I'd just run here while hunting for Erinys. I'd still heard nothing of where…
My thoughts stopped as I saw Erinys, flying above the courtyard right outside the window. I almost called out to her, but I noticed a second pegasus knight, one who wore armor like Annand's and had very short green hair. Both of them were just flying there, staring at one another with their lances in hand. It felt wrong to say anything. Part of me felt it was wrong to even watch, but I couldn't tear my gaze away. I just watched, and listened, because there were no patients. The infirmary was empty.
"Well, well, it is you, Erinys," the unknown knight laughed. It was a strange sound, a combination of genuine warmth and cold bitterness. "You came back, huh?"
"Pamela, why are you doing this?" Erinys begged. Even from here, I could see she was crying. "Why do we have to fight? I've killed so many of… I know you and my sister never really got along, but…"
"No, we didn't. How could we? She was always so much better." Pamela scoffed, hands shaking on the reins. I could see that, even from here. "Better fighter, better rider, better at everything. You should know. You were constantly compared to her."
"Well, I…"
"Always. You were just Annand's pretty sister, who cried a bit too much, but was otherwise unremarkable. I was just second-best, the one who could never catch up."
"Did you kill her?"
"I wish it was me. I wish I could've bested her. But no, it was a damn arrow that took her. Shot by that Jungby lord, Andrei. Bastard." Pamela spat out the words. "But I did lead the assault, so maybe in a way, I did kill her. Just not the way I would've wanted. I didn't beat her. I just outlasted her."
"I… I see…" Erinys shook, and more tears fell down her face. "Pamela, do we have to fight? You didn't answer that. Deet'var is dead. I had to kill her. I had to kill her to protect my friends, even though… and then there's so many…" Her voice cracked and she leaned forward slightly to hold out her hand to Pamela. I wondered how many other pegasus knights she'd done that too. I wouldn't know, because I never saw the battles, and I couldn't ask. "We don't have to fight. We can…"
"No. No, because I can't accept Lewyn, a man who abandoned us, as king." She growled in frustration and tugged her pegasus back a bit, lengthening the distance between them. "He left us all! For what? A bit of fear? A bit of a threat and he crumpled? How can Silesse prosper under someone like that? How can I fight for someone who wouldn't even stand with us?"
"Pamela…" Erinys let her hand fall, resting it awkwardly on the saddle. "I…"
"But you'll fight for him. Of course you will. You're his childhood friend, and you've been in love with him for years." Pamela glared at the sky above. "Not that he's worth it. He's not worthy of you, your loyalty or your love. He wasn't worthy of Annand's loyalty. He sure as hell isn't worthy of mine."
"Pamela… please…"
"Pick up your lance, Erinys. Here we are, the last of the Angelic Knights." Pamela twirled her lance once before pointing it at Erinys. "I couldn't best Annand. Neither of us could. So who better to fight for her title? The title of Seraph, leader of the Silessian Pegasus Knights, is up for grabs, Erinys. I challenge you for it, but I warn you now! If you lose, my next target is going to be Lewyn."
"You won't win against him, Pamela. He has Forseti now, and strong friends." Still, Erinys palmed her own lance and glared. She cried still, but it did nothing to take away the determination in her eyes. "However, you won't go near him. I won't let you near him. He's had enough to deal with without having to deal with you. It might be foolish, protecting someone who can make a hurricane submit, but I will anyway. Because Lewyn is my king and my love, and I will protect him and Silesse with everything I have and all the skill Annand taught me!"
They flew at each other quickly and I instinctually looked away. When I turned, I saw Claude was also watching, a heavy blanket draped over his arm. I gave him a weird look, but he simply smiled and said, "let's wait to put it up until she's done. That way, she can just fly in."
"That… makes sense," I murmured, looking over the empty infirmary. No one had come in yet. "In the meantime, then, since we have nothing to do, can I borrow it? I am freezing."
"I told you that you could go back and change."
"You told me that shortly before we got our first wave. Let me borrow the blanket, please?"
"Sometimes, Alicia, you need to not be quite so much of a workaholic." He did drape the blanket around my shoulders. It was incredibly warm and I was half-tempted to steal it for my room. But of course, I wouldn't. "That's coming from one."
"Believe it or not, I am actually a little better than I used to be, thanks to everyone here." I looked out the window again, a bit afraid of what I'd see. What I did see, though, simply took my breath away.
It was a dance. It was another dance in the skies. Erinys flew through the air with perfect grace, weaving around Pamela's strikes. Her own attacks were sharp and quick, like staccato notes, and struck Pamela squarely. Bits of blood marred her armor, showing that she hadn't dodged all of Pamela's attacks, but she was noticeably less bloody. She was noticeably less tired than Pamela, and with the moonlight behind her, she honestly looked like a goddess.
Erinys did this complicated spin, one where she was upside down for a brief moment, to both dodge Pamela's lunge and to slip into her guard. In one smooth motion, she rammed her lance straight through Pamela's abdomen before ripping it out violently. Blood sprayed everywhere and Pamela pitched forward, gasping from either shock or pain. She looked like she smiled, though, before slipping out of the saddle. As she fell, she reached up at something. I wondered what it could have been. Had it been Erinys? Had it been the sky? Had it been, perhaps, Annand's spirit? Deet'var's? Could it have been someone else who died, and now, welcomed her as she died?
It was impossible to say. But she hit the ground with a giant red splat, and her pegasus landed next to her body, trying to nuzzle the remains awake. Erinys herself simply stared, crying again, but it seemed more like tears of shock than anything else. I thought it might have been because she was now the last of the Angelic Knights, and she had killed yet another person she had trained with. But, I wasn't sure, and I knew I could never ask.
"Erinys!" Claude called. She jerked at the noise and wildly looked this way and that before focusing on Claude and me in the broken window. I made sure to smile reassuringly at her. "Erinys, come over here. You're injured."
She stared for a moment longer before doing just that, letting Claude and I help her climb in. Her pegasus made some sort of noise that I assumed was happy, and flew down to rest in the courtyard below. Claude handled pinning the blanket up, while I tended to Erinys's injuries. She didn't say anything, but she did lean against my shoulder to cry while I worked. I made sure to give her a hug when I was done, and she smiled and tucked herself into the back room, clearly needing to be alone. I told Claude and the two of us periodically checked in on her while working on the other injured that trickled in, until the end of the battle when Sylvia appeared and took Erinys away from the infirmary to scream and cry as much as she wanted.
Claude and I made a note to check in on her later, but for now, we'd work on the injured in front of us. We had our job, after all.
It was dawn by the time the 'battle' ended. Casualties on our side were minimal, thanks to our very strong and very coordinated defenses. Our enemies, a group of foot soldiers and pegasus knights, had been soundly defeated, with only very few escaping. Midir led a few to chase them to the river, but afterwards, had returned. It wouldn't be a good idea to launch an offensive with a good half, or over, of our army still making their way here from Thove.
I yawned, stumbling through the hall and rubbing my tired and blurring eyes. When the battle ended, we got an influx of injured as people discovered, or were reminded, that even the smallest of cuts hurt horrifically once the battle-fever left. There were a few who had been horribly injured, but hadn't noticed because of how numb they'd gone, so Claude and I had a few emergencies. In addition to all of that, the heavy blanket we covered the window with was too heavy for the previous pins, and so it fell a couple of times until we tasked someone to hold it up while someone else found enough pins to keep it there. As a result, I was very exhausted, very cold, and very glad to finally be done for the day. Night. Whichever.
Well, I was mostly done. I was done with my 'official' duties. But I wanted to check in on Erinys, so instead of going to my nice and warm bed, I wandered about the castle, trying to find her. There was no one I could ask, really. Everyone that wasn't on patrol was asleep like sane people. But I really did want to check in on her, both because of her injuries and because of… I hadn't checked on her after Deet'var's death, and only found out later how shaken she'd been. It felt wrong to not check in on her now.
So, I wandered, feeling exhaustion drag me down like weights or ice. I needed to change my robe and nightgown as well, because parts were stiff from the dried blood. I was still freezing. But still, I looked for her, or at least one of our friends so that I could ask them about her. I'd honestly take that. Erinys might not want to see anyone, after all, and my vision was blurring more and more with each step.
As I came up on a courtyard, I decided that would have to be the final place to look. I simply was about to collapse, and it would take almost all the energy I had left to make it to my room. So, of course, I found Erinys in that 'last place' and almost stepped out to talk to her. I hung back and even hid a little, however, when I noticed she wasn't alone. Lewyn was with her.
"I am going to preface this with I am very tired and I have… next to no mental filter," Lewyn was saying. He was smiling warmly, and Erinys was shyly smiling back, half-hiding behind a handkerchief. "But it occurs to me that I haven't ever thanked you, nor have I apologized."
"Thanked? Apologized?" Erinys repeated. She laughed a little, and that was enough to make me feel better. "I'm exhausted too, so maybe that's why I can't figure out what you're talking about. If anything, I should be thanking you for earlier."
"All I did earlier was give you a shoulder as you attempted to sob your eyes right out of your skull." He poked her cheek, and I noticed the tearstains. "But yes, I have lots of things to thank you for. The easiest is the most obvious. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for coming to find me. Thank you for fighting, even though I know this war has to be the roughest for you."
"Oh, that's…" Erinys began blushing and looked down. "Um…"
"As for apologies… Well, that's also a lot." Lewyn's smile faded for a very serious and very sad look. "I never told you that I was sorry for leaving, or that I was sorry for ignoring you when you first joined the army. I'm also sorry for…" His voice caught briefly and he coughed to clear his throat. "For Annand. If I had simply done my job, she wouldn't have…"
"Annand made her choice. It hurts, and will always hurt, but she made her choice." Erinys managed a tearful smile. "Besides, I know you're hurting a lot over her too."
"Of course. She was a good friend."
"And you're in love with her."
"Huh?" Lewyn's expression blanked before he facepalmed. "Oh, freaking hell."
"What?" Erinys frowned in confusion. "You told me that."
"When we were children. When we were little." Lewyn looked almost exasperated, but still, he smiled. "Yes, when we were young, I was infatuated. She was kind, beautiful, and strong. But that was then. Now, it's you."
"Huh?"
"I love you, Erinys. I have for a while. And, honestly, there's probably more romantic ways to confess, but like I said, I'm tired."
"Wait, you… huh?" Erinys pointed at herself, still bright red. "Me?!"
"Yes, you! Who else is here?" He gestured around and I made sure to duck away so that they couldn't see me. I really shouldn't have eavesdropped, but… well… "So… um… anyway… did I make you cry again? Why can I never seem to not do that?"
"I'm sorry for having overactive tear ducts." Erinys's voice sounded off, so I peeked out again to confirm that it was just because she was crying again. "I'm happy, though."
"You are?"
"Yes." She gave him the biggest smile I'd ever seen her wear. "I am very, very happy to hear that."
"Oh… um…" Lewyn coughed again, and looked away, turning even redder than Erinys. "That's… great. That's really… great."
I decided to leave then, partially because it really was rude to eavesdrop and partially because I was tired enough that I had next to no control over my emotions as I usually did, which meant I was in danger of revealing my presence via giggling. So, instead, I giggled as I walked down the hall and made my way back to my room. I actually continued giggling when I made it there, changed into a clean nightgown, and crawled into my delightfully warm bed with my equally delightful lover.
"Now what has you all giggly?" he asked groggily, half-asleep. He'd probably been fully asleep until I'd walked in. He always woke when someone else was in the room, and it was a habit that only increased once we had the children. "Are you so tired that everything is funny?"
"No, I'm not quite yet, but I think I'm too tired to stop giggling," I replied, still laughing a little. His solution was just to kiss me soundly. "Oh, don't do that. I am too tired to properly appreciate it."
"Then stop giggling and go to sleep." He wrapped an arm around me and drew me closer. "Your feet are cold."
"They'll warm up in a bit." I was already starting to nod off. "I wonder when we'll have to wake up… today?"
"When the children wake us up. Good night."
"It's morning."
"We haven't slept. It's night."
"But-"
"Go to sleep."
"Fine, fine…"
Notes on Tailtiu:
A 19-year-old thunder mage, the middle child of Reptor and the oldest girl. Bright and bubbly on the surface, with a quietly insecure nature, especially when it comes to her family.
She's one of the least experienced in the army, but she does her best to learn as quickly as possible. Strangely enough, her skill and power seems to increase once she's taken damage, as if she has learned how to add her anger to her magic.
She does her best to be as cheerful as possible and maintaining the air of someone who doesn't like complicated things, like politics. It's the only thing she can think of to make sure no one worries over her or, worse, babies her.
Author's notes: Have a confession to make up for the last couple of chapters. In game, Pamela is completely unrepentant, while in the Oosawa manga, she's an incredibly sympathetic character (and actually survives). I went with a bit of a mix here. Bits of foreshadowing, bits of clarification, yes Pamela's squad falls this fast so long as you've got a few good archers… That's about it. Oh, 'Seraphim' is plural for 'Seraph', so the title refers to both Erinys and Pamela.
The Lewyn-Erinys conversation should really take place later, after Silesse, but shifted it to here. Basically, if they talk after Silesse castle is conquered, they'll have a conversation that automatically makes them lovers. It's also one of the very few 'canon' pairings since, while in FE4 you can have them marry whoever, in FE5 revealed that they were an official couple.
Tailtiu's one personal skill is 'Wrath' which, in FE4, is a guaranteed critical hit if you're below 50% HP. (This skill factors in why Lex is a popular husband for her as Lex's Ambush skill always guarantees the first hit when below 50% HP. Lewyn and Azel are generally considered better, though, due to actually being magic users. Azel is arguably her most popular thanks to his Pursuit skill, and the resulting children being strong and stable, if not particularly outstanding. Lewyn gets you Forseti early, and on a mount eventually, so it's a very good pairing. Claude isn't, despite being a magic user and despite her initial crush, because Tailtiu's son is unable to use staves)
Next Chapter – Interlude, Blizzard (Fun fact: we're about… 14~ chapters away from the end of the first generation, roughly)
