Interlude – Blizzard
The next morning, Sylvia discovered that Erinys and Lewyn had finally confessed and made sure everyone in the entire castle knew. Erinys nearly died from embarrassment and Lewyn swore revenge, but it got everyone laughing and smiling again. That was important as, though we did our best, the constant vigilance and waiting was starting to wear on us. More and more people came to the infirmary because of brawls that had broken out, accidents where people weren't paying attention…
I'm tired.
"Is it normal for boys Oifeye's age to push themselves?" I asked Claude as I mended in the infirmary. Oifeye had returned ahead of the main group to let us know they were on the way, half a day out at most. However, he'd been half-frozen and exhausted. He'd ridden through the night apparently. "Was there an emergency I didn't hear about?"
"I do think it's fairly normal for most seventeen year olds," Claude laughed. He was reading, since there wasn't much to do, for once. Both of us were a little on edge, though, expecting someone with a cracked skull again. We had a few of those this morning, along with many with broken bones. Someone decided to try climbing the outside walls of the castle, and most failed in mimicking them. "But in Oifeye's case, I'm not certain it's unrelated to trauma. When I was examining him earlier, it seemed less 'not quite aware that invincibility is an illusion' and more of 'must be helpful'."
"Ah…" I paused, thinking, and came up with a possibility fairly quickly. "I wonder if it is because of everything that has happened to Sigurd. Sigurd has basically raised and trained Oifeye, after all. They're as close as brothers, yet…"
"Ah, so similar to Shanan. The feeling of helplessness when loved ones are suffering." Claude looked down and I couldn't help but wince. We knew that fear too. The feeling that you would have to tend to a loved one, and find that you couldn't do anything… "Combined with perhaps a feeling of 'owing'… yes, I can see where the trauma would spiral from that easily. Do you wish to talk to him about it? Should I?"
"Might be better to tell…" I almost said Sigurd, but paused. Sigurd had a lot to deal with as well. However, we couldn't hide this from him either. "Let Sigurd know when he arrives, but perhaps let Sigurd pick who talks to Oifeye about it. One of the Chalphy knights might be best, but honestly, I'm not certain. I am certain, however, that he probably won't open up to me."
"Yes, that sounds good. Who knows? They might've have noticed…" Claude laughed suddenly. "Actually, I'm sure they have. We're being busybodies."
"I suppose we are. But Oifeye is…" I paused and sighed, focusing on my mending for a bit. Oifeye had helped me earlier, and shown how skilled he had become. A few years ago, he didn't even know how. Now, he was easily as good as I was. I was so proud of him. "He isn't a child anymore. I need to not think of him like that. He honestly could be on the frontlines." He was older than Finn and Ethlyn had been, during the Verdane campaign. "I wonder why he isn't."
"He does serve as the tactician, and perhaps it is simply habit. I'm sure others in the army have difficulties remembering he's legally an adult now." Claude looked out the window for a moment and suddenly frowned. "Is… is that a wolf in the courtyard?"
"There's a wolf?" I frowned as well, confused. "Why would there be a wolf?"
"I don't know, but there is one." He leaned towards the window, to try and see more. "Is Chulainn playing with it?"
"That would not surprise…" I almost just dismissed it, but then I remembered something. Chulainn was watching the twins. He told me he was going to take them out to the courtyard to play. If Chulainn was playing with the wolf, then…!
I bolted out of the infirmary, knocking all my mending to the ground. Claude helped and called after me worriedly, but I ignored him. I focused solely on running through the halls, worry and annoyance warring in my head as I hunted for a way to the courtyard. It took me a few tries, but eventually, I did find my way there, and found that I was absolutely right. Chulainn was by the wolf, the wild wolf, with Caitriona and Conall, and they were far too close to its teeth and claws for my liking!
"Chulainn!" I snapped, aggravation taking over. Chulainn looked up to smile, but it disappeared as soon as he saw how angry I was. "I told you that I didn't want you teaching them things like this!"
"They're enjoying themselves, though," Chulainn pointed out. I did have to admit he was right. They looked like they were having fun, petting the wolf. But it was still a wild animal, who could be carrying all sorts of diseases, and they were…! "And she's a nice wolf."
"The next one they go after might not be!"
"I think you can trust me to keep the children safe."
"That's…!" An angry retort burned on my tongue, but I swallowed it because it was nothing but poison born from my temper. I did trust him, especially with the children. Honestly, I was getting far too worked up over this. But I felt horribly overwhelmed suddenly, so instead, I did the 'mature' thing. I burst into tears.
It was embarrassing, really, especially since Chulainn began panicking. He set the children on the bench, gently coaxed the wolf away, and then fussed over me to try and help me calm down. All I could do, though, was babble.
"Wild animals can transmit diseases and they were so close to the teeth!" I just continued sobbing. Chulainn continued trying to soothe me. "I don't want them to be hurt! I want them to be safe! I don't want them to be in the infirmary, bleeding out and I'm helpless!"
"Easy, easy…" he murmured. He kissed my forehead and my cheeks, wiping away the tears. "They were fine. I kept them away from the wolf's mouth."
"But…"
"And I was between them and the wolf's teeth. If she reacted badly, I would've been the injured one."
"That's almost as bad!" I just kept crying. "We had the infirmary filled with people getting hurt over accidents or bits of overconfidence, and… and…!"
"Alicia." He sighed and hugged me, letting me cry into his chest. "I love you."
"I love you too." I did manage to get that out while I just kept sobbing. By this point, I wasn't even sure just why I was crying. Was it because I was overwhelmed? Was it because I was on edge and, honestly, the thought that I would have to treat my children and keep them from dying was one of my greatest nightmares? Was I just breaking down finally over Annand and how I let her march to her death? Was I crying because of all the pain Erinys and Lewyn had suffered, continued to suffer? I had no idea.
Evenutally, I did finally stop crying, though the two of us panicked when we noticed Caitriona and Conall really wanted to eat some flowers. So, we focused on settling and distracting them, and Chulainn found a handkerchief to help me clean my face a bit. While we did, I once again wondered if this anxiety was something my mother felt, and felt even more unsettled because of it. It also made me angrier. Even with this anxiety, I would never simply abandon… ah, I didn't even want to think of her. I never did. I hated her so, so much.
"I'm sorry," I whispered once we were all calmed. We all sat on a bench, though Caitriona and Conall sat in our laps. "I shouldn't have snapped."
"Probably not, but I can understand," he replied. He ran his hand through my hair repeatedly, twisting his fingers about the strands. "I did have it under control, though."
"I should've accepted that. I'm sorry."
"Caitriona and Conall wanted to pet her, so I thought it would be a good experience. I didn't think it would make you so upset. I'm sorry."
"I really shouldn't have snapped. I just got…" I became terrified. "I really don't want them to be my patients. I don't mind illnesses or anything, or checking their health, but…" I smiled bitterly. "It was so much easier to do my job when I wasn't close to anyone. It was also easier to apply my training when I didn't have children."
"You regret it?"
"Never. But I worry about my reliability."
"You don't have to be the reliable one all the time."
"But I like being reliable. I like helping." I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder. "I don't like screaming at you. I'm sorry."
"Not one more apology, okay? It's fine. You shouldn't have snapped, and I should've taken your protests more seriously."
"But…"
"How about a different way to apologize?" He tilted my face up and kissed me sweetly. "Something like that is far better, really."
"The children are literally right here." Still, I smiled and kissed him again. Caitriona made some sort of curious noise, though, so I pulled away and blushed. "They should… um… probably go inside?"
"Probably." He kissed my reddening cheek, and laughed as my blush deepened. "You also probably need to clean your face more, by the way. Your nose is still running."
"Chulainn!"
After getting the children back to the nursery, and cleaning my face, I stammered apologies to Claude. He scolded me about loosing my calm a bit, but reassured me that it was fine. I still felt horrible about it, though, and pulled an extra shift in the infirmary to give him a longer break. However, right around the end of that shift, the winds suddenly shifted and we had ourselves a blizzard. Claude and I immediately moved the most common medicines out of the infirmary and locked it up. The window still wasn't mended, so it was… just a bad idea to be in there. We set up a temporary infirmary in a different room, and then helped the rest of the castle prep for the cold. In the middle of those preparations, our cavalry finally made it back home.
"Now you no longer quite look so much like a drowned rat," I teased, helping Sigurd dry his hair. I had thought to help Azel, but I'd seen Tailtiu hesitating near so, instead, I nudged her towards him and went to Sigurd. "I'm glad you all made it here before the snow really came down."
"Same!" Sigurd laughed. He glanced over to where Tailtiu was teasing Azel and then focused on me. "So, what all happened after Oifeye left? I see signs of battle and signs of 'I am maybe two seconds away from throttling someone'."
"Well, that is certainly…" I hesitated in answering and he looked pointedly at Lewyn and Erinys. "Oh, they finally got together."
"I'm glad. It also looks like they lost weight."
"They did." I sighed, deciding to just be blunt. "Annand died. The castle is captured. We were attacked… two times? It might be three. I honestly no longer remember."
"Queen Rahna?"
"We have heard nothing yet, not even a hostage situation."
"I see." Sigurd sighed and smiled sadly. "Well, things always get complicated, huh?"
"Claude has some warm tea for all of you. You should get some." I gently nudged him towards the back, mostly because we both knew there was no reply.
I watched him leave and, after a moment of worrying, went over to Azel. Tailtiu was no longer near, but he watched her with a little smile and a faint blush. I debated teasing, but chose to stay silent, instead simply poking his cheek. He scowled, but I grinned and, after a moment, he just laughed and leaned into me.
"So, will I have to warn Arvis that he will have another niece or nephew soon?" I joked. He choked on a laugh and I grinned. "Ah, so-"
"You haven't told him, have you?" he asked, still laughing a bit. "About my blooming feelings for Tailtiu?"
"No, I assumed you did?"
"No, not yet. I want to see his reaction. It'll be great!"
"That is true." I laughed as well, while secretly being very glad I had not yet told Arvis that it was a possible thing. "Very well. I shall keep your secret safe from our adorable older brother."
"Adorable isn't the word I'd use, but it'll still be hilarious." He let his laughter fade to study me closely and poked my cheek. "You seem off. Is everything okay?"
"It has simply been a rather rough time, Azel." I didn't really want to try and explain my earlier crying fit. Even now, I wasn't quite sure why I had cried so much. "How about you, though? Did you get ill?"
"I haven't gotten sick since… before the Verdane Campaign!" He scowled briefly, but softened when I giggled. "No, I'm fine. I'm worried about Lewyn, though. I can tell he's faking a smile, even from here."
"It's a stressful time."
"Better do my job as a friend and try to cheer him up."
"Ooooor you can greet your nephew!" Tailtiu appeared out of nowhere and passed Azel Conall. She had Caitrion curled up against her shoulder, grinning. "Shanan brought the kids to greet everyone," she explained to me, laughing. "You don't mind me snagging yours, right, Aly?"
"Of course not," I reassured, laughing. It actually touched me she would, for some reason. "I… oh, hello, Lex!"
"Hello!" Lex greeted, ambling over. He carried Larcei tentatively, as if afraid to hurt her. For her part, Larcei clung to his collar, sulking. She didn't appreciate being separated for so long. "Seems like Tailtiu and Azel are practicing." He grinned as both blushed and tried to stammer protests. Caitriona, curious, poked Tailtiu's cheek. "Too easy."
"Lex!" Tailtiu snapped. She bristled a bit, glaring. "Knock it off!"
Deciding very quickly that I didn't want to be in the middle of this, I gave Azel and quick hug and disappeared into the crowd. I trusted them to not fight, at least without making sure the children were safe, so I didn't feel too guilty over it. The thought of the children, however, reminded me of their Holy Marks. I wasn't sure if Oifeye knew, or if he would've thought to tell Sigurd if he did. So, I meandered through, smiling and greeting others as I passed, and found Sigurd in the back corner, with Seliph in one arm and holding a mug of tea in the other. He mostly just watched everyone laugh and cheer over everyone meeting each other again, although there were quite a few tears from people who learned friends had fallen. Still, surprisingly, most were cheerful.
"I heard Tailtiu yelling," he teased when he saw me. Seliph twisted and waved at me. He laughed when I poked his chubby cheeks. "Avoiding an argument?"
"Lex teased Tailtiu and Azel," I explained with a smile. However, my hand fell on Seliph's back, and I remembered the Mark there. "Seliph already has his Baldur Mark."
"He… what?" Sigurd frowned. "That's far too young."
"He's not the only one either. All of the children are showing. In addition…" I tugged my sleeve unconsciously, thinking of the rest of that conversation. "When did Oifeye's Mark appear? Do you know?"
"He was eight. It was shortly after his parents died."
"So, he is early as well. Ethlyn appears to be unusual for being at the 'average' age for Holy Blood Minors of our generation. We also know Shanan's appeared early, and Tailtiu's niece, Ishtar, also has hers."
"That's a little…" Sigurd's frown deepened. "I hope that's not not a sign of things to come."
"Truthfully, it made me think of the 'Catastrophe' Deirdre feared."
"That is…" Sigurd winced and hugged Seliph a little more tightly. I took his mug so that he could hold him easier. "Ha… I wonder if she and I really did doom the future…"
"Sigurd."
"Yet, at the same time, I can't regret it. Even if it is a crime, I continue to love her and will always do so." He smiled bitterly. "I just wish… if it really is a crime, gods, then please punish me, and only me. Leave the children alone."
"It is no crime." I made my words as firm as possible. "I am certain she was simply a convenient scapegoat. I will always believe this."
"Thank you, Alicia. It means a lot to hear you say that." His smile softened. "Especially since you used to be almost uncomfortable about Deirdre and me."
"Shoot, you noticed?" I shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "Well, Sigurd, you two did… you met twice. The first time, you were ready to fight for her. The second time had you two proposing to each other. The others might think that you were secretly courting, but I am aware of the truth."
"…Okay, when you put it like that…" He laughed and looked at Seliph. "Seliph, you have a more normal courtship, okay? I wouldn't trade Deirdre's love for anything, but it'll reassure the people around you." Seliph, of course, just tilted his head in confusion before reaching up to 'pat' his father's face. "Ow…" Of course, it was a more like a slap and Seliph laughed at the noise Sigurd made, so he tried again. "No, don't do that!"
I helped Sigurd convince Seliph that slapping people was bad, before going to spend time with the others. This sort of joy seemed increasingly fleeting recently. I was glad to still have it.
Lewyn guessed that the blizzard would last a few days so, after a moment of panicking because we weren't certain we had enough supplies within the walls, we all settled in and enjoyed the unexpected benefits that came with the blizzard. We had many excuses to indulge ourselves with sweets and warm drinks, and the chances of being attacked were exceedingly small. We couldn't fully relax, since the weather did bring its own troubles, but we did enjoy ourselves. That was enough.
"Ah, I am so delighted that Erinys and Lewyn are together!" Aideen giggled. She was much thinner than before, a clear sign of the stress she'd suffered, but her smile was as warm as always. I did notice that she clung to Lester, though Lester didn't mind. He liked cuddling with his mother. "I wonder if there will be another baby in the nursery soon."
"Did you forget Lachesis was pregnant?" I teased her, checking over Larcei's health. I'd normally due this during my own shift in the nursery, Aideen, was the one watching the children at the moment, but since I had unexpected free time, I'd come to check them over earlier than normal. "In about four or five months, there will be another baby."
"Oh. Right." She pouted when I laughed. "Give me a break. I'm still exhausted."
"I understand." I smiled sympathetically at her before tickling Larcei's stomach and then setting her down. "But I do wonder if Erinys and Lewyn will marry soon." My heart ached, though. Annand had wanted to see them wed. I supposed she would see them now, from beyond, but it wasn't quite the same. "That'll be nice."
"It could be a big party! I think the last wedding was mine?" She frowned a little in thought. I picked up Ulster to check him over, the last one this time for examinations. "Are Ayra and Lex wed?"
"No, they have not, technically, wed yet." Like Chulainn and me, though, they saw little point in it. It helped with legal things, I supposed, but I liked not having the fuss. "So, the last wedding was yours and Midir's."
"Well, I suppose technically, the last wedding was Lachesis's to Finn." Aideen playfully scowled and I had to bite back a laugh. I hid it by rubbing noses with Ulster, making him giggle, and then set him back on the floor to play. All of them were in perfect health, just as always. It was honestly surprising. "But they eloped, so I suppose it didn't count."
"No, though it is a legal thing." I was glad she was playful about it. Part of me wondered if anyone was upset that Lachesis and Finn had done that, and that Claude and I had been their only conspirators. No one had said anything to me, but that didn't mean much. "They'll have a 'proper' ceremony later, when things are calmer."
"With their baby~!" Aideen giggled again, and nuzzled Lester's cheek. Lester laughed and tugged at her hair. I smiled and sat down with Caitriona and Conall, letting them crawl into my lap. Seliph was with Sigurd. "I hope we can stay in Silesse even after things calm."
"Do you?" That surprised me. I would've thought her eager to return to Jungby.
"Well, it would be one thing if we were welcomed back, but I'm worried that we'll have to march. As an army." She kissed Lester's head and held him even tighter. "We can't really march off to fight with the children. To get to Grannvale from here, we'd have to either cross the mountains or the Yied Desert. Neither is a place for children, especially if we're also having to fight."
"That is true." I knew little about the Yied Desert, but I had heard horror stories about the sandstorms. A child could be lost and killed very quickly among the sands, lost to everything. "We'll have to see what happens. I personally hope that once things settle after the wedding, we'll be able to return."
"So do I. Though, it's a shame we can't attend Arvis's wedding." She sighed gustily and I smiled. "He was always distant, but my father rather liked Arvis. Worried about his idealism."
"His…?" It took a moment to realize what she talked about, but when I did, I smiled softly. Arvis always worked hard to make the world a little more 'ideal' for everyone. It was one of his greatest dreams, really. I always thought it a beautiful dream, even though I wasn't sure it would ever happen. Still, I was also the person who knew no one could save everyone, but I tried hard anyway. "Arvis does get impatient sometimes. I'm a bit worried he'll push through something to help us, and put himself in danger. He's done similar things in the past."
"I'm sure everything will be fine." Aideen smiled, but it faltered. "Though, I'm not sure about Andrei…" She bit her lip and shook her head. "No, never mind."
"If you're certain." It didn't surprise me that she had mixed feelings about her brother killing her father. It also didn't surprise me that she didn't want to talk about it with me. I was utterly incapable of not trusting my brothers. I would only be able to listen, sadly. "I'm here if you need me, Aideen."
"I know." Her smile returned, but it was sad. "I'm here for you too. We're friends."
"We're practically family at this point."
"True!"
We chatted about a few other things, lighter topics like how big the children were growing, before Brigid showed up for her shift in the nursery. The three of us talked for a while before I left, leaving the two to talk to each other in relative privacy. I had planned on checking in at the infirmary, to make sure I wasn't needed, but Ayra found me on the way and snagged me by the arm.
"So, ah… what am I being recruited for?" I asked a little squeakily, desperately trying to keep up. Ayra was a much faster walker than me. "I had planned…"
"I checked the infirmary already," she reassured me. She grinned over her shoulder, and I looked away sheepishly. "You're fine. Claude is actually letting Tailtiu handle it alone because of how slow it is. Last I saw, he was having a lovely chat with Lex and Azel."
"I see." I tripped over my feet, but Ayra kept me from falling. "So, what am I being recruited for?"
"Lachesis is abed from nausea, again, and Erinys is feeling horribly sad because of Annand. So, Sylvia thought we could just hang out in Lachesis's room to play games and tell stories. With lots of sweets and warm blankets."
"Essentially, we are spoiling ourselves due to how hectic the past few days have been."
"Yep. I told Tailtiu to swing by when she was done, and she'll let Aideen and Brigid know. We can just have a girls' night. Day. Whichever. Time never seems to flow right during a blizzard." She laughed and winked. "I think we could all use a break, truthfully. I think Lex has something similarly planned for the boys, and honestly, Sigurd was talking a bit about at least getting a feast together for everyone."
"We can forget about the civil war for a few days."
"More than a few. It'll take a bit to shovel out a path. Once that's done, we're pushing forward to the castle. But until then…" She turned sharply, into the kitchens. "Help me carry some stuff, will you?"
"Of course." I couldn't help but laugh. This all sounded exactly what we needed. "Let's see what's here, then."
Author's notes: Sigurd's thing about crime and loving Deirdre and the like come from his Heroes dialogues. Otherwise, just... have some character interactions and some characters that we haven't seen for a few chapters!
Next Chapter - Silesse
