Confessions of a Third Wheel

A debate on gender equality and the war of the sexes (and how to win them)

(Part Two)


"Tell me why I'm agreeing to this?" With raised eyebrow, Hiccup nonchalantly crossed his arms.

"Because," Flynn started using an air of flare, "we can't let those damsels win-"

"And the winner gets a hundred bucks, thanks to our high and mighty leader – Flynn of House Stupid." said Jack, who is fuming and hungry at the same time.

"Hey! We made a deal."

"But you didn't tell us you agreed to a bet with your girlfriend! Man, think of that money when we lose!"

"Jack, shut up." Flynn turned to Hiccup, "All we need is to win and- and! You'll get some of our fair share of the prize. You can buy that wing something that you've been blabbering about."

Rolling his eyes, Hiccup geared up and donned on his mask. He couldn't even say no to Flynn because of— "You owe me big time, Haddock, remember that?" Yep, he remembered. And Hiccup didn't want to remember that particular memory.

He'd just have to deal with it, and hopefully deal whatever's coming on his way.


Merida walked swiftly and gracefully that she had wished for her mother to see her. But then again, this kind of game would be a shake of the head to her, no matter how flowery her posture right now.

She hid behind the wall. Her predator was on the side of it and she could certainly hear his footsteps getting farther and farther away from her covert. Grinning, she steps out, and rapidly aims for her supposed target— there he is, his back is facing her and she felt a victory snarl coming out on her mouth until a sound of crunching behind her tingled her ears.

Merida could sense the air slowly garrote her. The person behind her isn't on her team; she turned around to see someone, his gun aiming at her. Merida move quickly to shoot that particular person, but not quickly enough as the person pulled his trigger faster than her mother's yapping.

And she was too late. The paintball is on her way, landing straight to her armored stomach.

Merida saw the overly familiar green bandana on her shooter's upper arm.

———————————————————

"Traitor!"

Merida was shouting behind him, he dared not look for he already imagined the coloring of fury on her face.

The moment she had been shot, Merida had walked furiously to his way and pulled out his mask, in a deathlike snatch, and begun to exclaim colorful obscenities to his way. Hiccup thought, for a moment, he'd lived in some distant memory of his adolescent days. There was an argument too, a girl gripping his shirt like Merida does (only Merida was of a maximum grip, really) and Merida's hair isn't blonde. Hiccup contemplated whether they're actually the same person, Merida and the not-so-forgotten girl. They've the same ferocity and both have the capacity to throw an anger-filled of a one punch. "Ow!" He said after Merida showed her affection.

"Bloody traitor!"

"You sound like the Captain Stormtrooper." Hiccup said while rubbing the sore spot on his arm.

"It's because you're on the wrong side of the team, traitor."

Hiccup stopped and looked straight at her in the eyes. Merida could feel herself becoming flustered but she won't show it to him, fucking green eyes, his smile faltered. "Are you implying that I'm not a man?"

Oops.

She hadn't meant that, of course, but he wasn't supposed to be on the guys' team. The intensity of his eyes made her stomach awkward and painfully weird. She gulped the saliva forming on her mouth.

Just to make matters worse, Hiccup leaned in closer and the space between them became thinner until no such space exists. His eyes never leaving hers, and she could not move from her spot. She didn't know why, but her body was being a fucking ninny. The voice inside her head was screaming fuck on a continuous loop. Then his face. Oh god, he moved his face towards her in a disturbing proximity. Her eyes almost bulged upon her realization when he suddenly laughed, "Gotcha."

The air around then became normal, the awful feeling in her stomach has died out, and the smirk on his face was crystal clear, leaving only her rapid heartbeat. Speechless Merida was still zoning out, which Hiccup was thoroughly confused; why haven't she punched him yet? Hiccup would definitely not ask her that and thanked the gods for their leniency, then he clamped his hand on her shoulder, "I would like a wager, Princess of Dunbroch, if my team wins, you have to cook me a delicious meal for a month. And if you win, I owe you a favor of your heart's desire, just not the sexual kind, okay?" He winked at her at the last part.

As if broken out of a spell, Merida blinked three times and found her voice, "Asshat." Her hand eagerly accepted his and, again, gripped them with such volume. She stormed off, but not before stepping on his left foot.

Hiccup's smirk never left his face.


"The score is tied. We need to win this."

"No pressure."

"Don't you give that tone on me, Haddock."

"Chill, dude."

"Shut up, Jack."

"I should've been at home; god knows what Sven is up to now."

"You can lick your dog's face later, Kristofferson." Flynn squared his shoulders, "We need a strategy. We're pretty much crucial right now, as you might not notice. It's 9 and 9, and we need to have that one point to win this shit. Think of that money I get to— ow! We get to spend. Now stop being pussies and get that damned score!"

The boys, except Flynn, growled and in tiresome unison said, "Shut it, Eugene Fitzherbert."


You're gonna owe me, Hiccup ol' friend.

Merida tied her hair into a high ponytail— something she rarely do, and if she did, it means it's her 'game face on'. It's been half an hour and the war is still heating up as Merida contemplates the stakes are going higher and higher and even her friends' relationship is at cost. Oh well, it's not like she gives a cow's shit to their love lives. She shrugged and set the goal in her mind that when her team wins she could buy that new PSE Stinger X and an ultimatum for Hiccup.

She's not one for competition, but when an understatement of the feminity comes to a topic; her face goes redder than her hair. The guys at the Uni thought of her as an infuriated feminist, they couldn't just accept her being better at sports. Sometimes, males are stupid and dirty lot, and I'm perfectly fine not mating with them.

"Stay low, red!" Rapunzel's sweet voice was no more, but of a commanding officer. Merida saw two black strokes on each cheek, whether it was paint or eyeliner, she didn't want to ask. Rapunzel looked like a ballistic Amazonian woman.

Rapunzel motioned her to go to the right side and she complies. Merida walked on light steps like a gazelle with the paint-gun on her hand. She looks to the left, and to the right, and saw no one. She took it as a safe haven and sat on the floor. A sudden sound comes out of the system's speakers to inform that 1 of her teammates and 1 from the boys have been shot and now are out of the game. Chuckling, Merida knew already who that two person are. For never was a story of more woe. Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

Just as she was about to make herself comfortable, her keen ears hear a sound of light footsteps. She knows those weren't from her team, they're too masculine enough. She scurried on a hiding spot, to where a netted blockage is artfully propped. The figure emerged and Merida smiles at wickedly to herself. He's going to her trap, and he wouldn't even notice it until she won.

The green bandana moved along the movements of his arm, and she anticipated her next move.


Merida came surging to him with a war cry escaping her lips like a shield-maiden on a battlefield. They collided down on the ground but Hiccup has the upper hand as he maneuvered his body so that he was on top of her and oddly enough, she didn't struggle, and he got easily her weapon. Their position right now could make him blush hotly like a schoolgirl but the circumstances are not of a laughing matter.

The loud 'ting' of the board said that the 2 from the girls and 2 from the boys are now out of the game and it was down to him and Merida on different teams. They're the last. Win this now Hiccup.

"What the—" Hiccup's words were easily cut off when Merida rolled off of him and jumped upright where she faced him, a determined expression written all over her.

He took hold of the weapon that was near (which was hers) and quickly pulled the trigger...

And nothing came out.

Realization dawned on Hiccup when he pulled three times and not a single blast of paint comes out.

They collided down on the ground but Hiccup has the upper hand as he maneuvered his body so that he was on top of her and oddly enough, she didn't struggle, and he got easily her weapon.

She planned it all along.

A devilish grin was upon her vengeful lips, some of her hair that has escaped the ponytail is framing her lithe face and her blue eyes, and damn, they were pretty distracting. Then she throws the paint-balloon on his chest. He haven't got the time to react when it pop and splattered over him.

That sly woman!

The board made a loud 'ting!' and the wide scoreboard announced their champion. Hiccup smiles to himself, despite of losing, he felt very happy watching Merida do the chicken dance. Of course, he couldn't be a sourpuss or a sore loser, Merida would happily remind him that though. She abruptly stopped, looking at him, and then winked. "What 'bout that, Haddock?"

He accepted her hand, "You're pretty good." Once he got up, he towered over Merida and leaned in closer to her, "But still not the best as I am."

Merida snorted and punched him, moderately, on the arm, where the green bandana was. "Yeah right, the look on your face earlier said otherwise."

As they're headed to the exit, they heard the wailings of someone familiar...It was like the cry of a wounded animal and a loss of something important.

"This can't be happening!" It's Flynn.