Confessions of a Third Wheel
The Kilted Visitor
The winding events of last night had him wanting aspirin and Xanax. And they're not even meant for him.
Hiccup truly saw Merida in a new light; brave, broken and so beautiful. He saw her tough exterior melt away when her tears came streaming down her face and all the disarray, the Merida he was used to had vanished in an instant.
The Merida before him crumpled and he held her for what felt like an eternity. She was soft and very, very fragile. And she kept hiding her face from him, afraid he'll see the mess she was and what he would think of her. Well, she was wrong, he held her face to wipe the tears and silently reassure her that she was perfect. He never thought of anything bad but her eyes. They were truly blue, the very lightest and purest of everything he had ever known in his entire life. Like the sea when the sun is at its highest and shines its glory to the sea and would be bare enough to show its corals and it'll make you wonder that maybe the stars fall on the sea in early mornings.
Just like the sea in her eyes, she didn't know how the bottom of them is endless and the turbulence of it seems to have a calming effect. And he can't help but stare into it, wanting to dive right in and never come up for air.
Hiccup was useful and useless at the same time, though he felt more useless when she had cried, although soundlessly, it brought more pain to him to see her as such. Holding her in his arm had been so personal, that it scares him to think that anytime soon, she'll break, that she'll be gone. That her sea-eyes are going to drown herself.
He promised to himself on that moonlit night, he will not leave her. A trait he didn't get from his mother.
Hiccup drew her in and carried her sleeping form to his bedroom, mindful of pieces of furniture on their way. He was glad he cleaned up yesterday and was proud he was a moderate cleaner, not like the other guys where they just put clothes around anywhere; maybe Kristoff's habit is rubbing off on him.
Once inside, he tucks her in and produced a hoodie and sweatpants for her when she wakes up, he also made a note for her.
Looking at her unperturbed face, he decided he wouldn't skim any answers from her regarding everything that had happened this night. She has had been through a lot. And he wondered how she managed to carry it all.
Didn't she know she's fragile?
He'll wait for her to open up, freely, and she'll tell him everything that's on her mind without shedding a tear; and that he's forevermore will be here right beside her, just like in this moment.
And waited, he did.
The first time Merida woke up from his bed, he was at the kitchen making noontime meal, Merida had been sleeping for approximately twenty-two hours, and when he was going to put cheese into a sandwich he heard her coming out of his bedroom and he quickly turned to look at her with a smile on his face and he saw that maybe she had woken up earlier and decided not to go out. Because no person could wake up with a tear-stained face and red, bloodshot eyes.
He didn't ask any questions from her.
And so, he didn't ask her why she had thrown her cellphone to the far end of a wall.
She went to the living room as nothing had happened. He smiled at her. Always so patient. Because he knew that what Merida needs most of all is time and someone she really trusts.
But, damn, if cellphones can talk, boy, hers would file for abuse. He hid it inside his pocket and offered Merida something to eat, to which she gave a hearty laugh.
She was really good at keeping emotions at bay.
"If you're given anything you want, what would it be?"
"Anything, anything?"
Hiccup nodded.
Merida thought of his question very carefully, she has much to want, plenty of daydreams and wishes, and yet she struggled to choose. He hadn't said about the quantity but she felt none of her desires are suited to what she's struggling to have now.
And finally, she answered, voice strangely soft, almost a whisper, "To go anywhere without thinking anything else or anyone at all."
Hiccup tugged the blanket between them and ignored how their closeness is making his heart flutter and try very carefully not to turn his head to meet her eyes because any moment he'll likely blush and say stupid things like; "Your eyes are so blue but not entirely blue, the blue that is light and is it still called blue? Gosh, why's that?" like earlier.
She snuggled closer to him, "So, yep, you never got a chance to watch Game of Thrones but you have the time to watch the new season of RuPaul? I mean, I'm not judging, I'm just—you know, Game of Thrones is life. Except for that godawful season finale."
"I have this problem within me that if something is overly hyped I tend to not want it in my bucket of things to do or to watch. I don't trust everyone's taste. And you know, I do have a GPA to maintain, scholarship and foreign student and all." He said with a shrug.
"I don't believe you at all, for someone who loves dragons you haven't seen this." she settled the laptop on the both side of their tummy.
They're on the bed, both lying down, while their heads are propped on at least four pillows, joined together for this, a Netflix and Chill trope, but Netflix is replaced with an HBO subscription and the chill is not sex. Nope, sincerely not sex, he couldn't even picture him and her doing it. They're friends, strictly so.
What the fuck am I thinking?
So, Hiccup really gripped his thigh in concentration because, goddamn, she smells so good. How his soap can smell better on her than it was ever on him? He'll never know.
"Chug your Mountain Dew up, Haddock, we're gonna binge this for the whole week."
And for Hiccup, nothing's more perfect than that.
It was the third day of her stay at his apartment. And up until now, Merida didn't talk anything else about that last night nor would he mention anything thus.
But after her shower, she joined him on the sofa (more like their designed bed with all the time they spent there together) and Hiccup was left dumbfounded when he saw her using his shirt that's suited to her frame, giving him a glimpse of her milky shoulder with pretty freckles around and the fact that she uttered these words; "Goddamn, I never knew boxers can be comfy."
And he tried not to blush madly.
He cleared his throat—and his shame away— "Um, I should buy you clothes now." Because he completely forgot that she needs woman clothes and berated himself for getting so comfortable with her, to be fair he felt she's his roommate for years, which isn't, and goddamn, he was fucking stupid.
Merida slaps his arm, "No."
"Eh, why?"
"You're not my fucking sponsor."
"No, I mean, are you sure? Because..." his voice faltered because he doesn't know what to say next. He's thinking whatever he'll say afterwards would relate to her personal dealings and he doesn't want to offend her.
And it hit him.
"Hey! Why don't I go to your place and bring some of your things."
"Hmm, plausible idea, but the possible cons are; my mother's waiting for me and she'll see you, police are searching for me, no thanks to my mother, or she could be there and a few policemen."
"It's been days, maybe they have off days?"
Merida snorts at him, "As if my mother easily gives up, and it'll put you in danger; so, no, Haddock, I'm fine with t-shirts and boxers."
Now he was blushing madly.
Hiccup gulps down, "I can do it, just put a little trust on me," he waved her off and hoping she'll consent, because she doesn't deserve a pathetic guy's clothes. And this pathetic guy doesn't even have much, most of his clothes were from a thrift shop Flynn used to steal things.
"Okay," she muttered, "but be careful!"
Looking at the structure beyond, Hiccup could really tell Merida was one of those low-key hipsters who absolutely adores photography and culture and will hide it from their friends anyway.
He was glad he listened attentively at Professor Yzma's jabbering talk about Aztec infrastructures and its history, despite of poor spinach, possibly from last night, that was still stuck on her front teeth, for the upper row students to see, him included.
Hiccup made his way to the winding stairs because the elevator was broken, though Merida had already told him that, and she was in the twelfth floor. He was beginning to applaud Merida for her perseverance and sheer patience in this establishment. He saw a burly man outside of a room on the way to the far end, a smile on his face and offered him cookies, Hiccup politely refused.
The hallway is silent and he wondered if there are any tenants here, outside of her supposed room. Merida didn't give him her key because she hadn't gotten hold of her purse when she left it from the previous night. Hiccup readied himself for a door-crashing scene using his foot. Merida confirmed the hinges are sloppy and her whole apartment was cheap, at least in the visual sense, the rent was not.
A good breaking and entering with the approval of the person who owned the place is not illegal, or that's what Google said when he asked about it.
Hi, Princess! Didn't wake you up 'cause you look cozy...so breakfast is ready whenever you are.
-Hiccup
Merida kept this first note when she first slept at his room. She woke up seeing it on the bedside near his lamp. And from the confusion and haziness did she remember that night. Her mother. The dinner. Her family. Chocolate desserts. Her mother giving her off.
And she was furious.
Merida once lived a life in the shadow of her parents, mainly her mother because she's the only daughter in the family and the oldest child, so her mother thought it best to nurture her mind into thinking the responsibilities of a heiress and a proper woman ever since she could utter "Mama", and she would always feel guilty whenever she voice out her opinions against her mother's strict demands, because in her mind, her mother's doing her best for Merida. And maybe because her mother would tell her many, many times that she was lucky to even have a comfortable life whereas her mother had a drastic one growing up, and every time she made stupid mistakes her mother would tell her stories to make her feel bad even more.
But the news of her marriage? No, her mother's only thinking of her personal gain.
How could her mother ever stomach that?
Merida thinks about her little brother every time and she often wonders to herself if they ever got the same treatment as hers right now. Maybe, maybe not, but they're boys, probably their father had much say in them because of the gender dependability and Merida could only feel resentment for her parents. And she hated herself for the fact she was born a girl.
How could they do this to her, their first born child? Their daughter who did everything for them and just one act of rebellion they would easily cast her aside. Maybe it's still the Medieval Age, minus the plagues and being a woman with her own mindset can make her a pariah.
Hiccup didn't crash Merida's apartment door, no, because it was already open. Not wide open but a door slightly ajar from its place and a simple conclusion that somebody's already inside. Or Merida is shitty at securing her own home.
He slowly opened it and went inside. And inside was very clean, he could tell Merida looks after her place quite well, given how she unflatteringly eats her food.
So far, there's no other person in here. He scanned the place looking for a closet that she said that contains some of her bags and luggage. He grabs two and a duffel bag, and with ease he just went full ballistic with her clothes, transferring them to her luggage.
And her underwear drawer...he grabbed a handful three times with a very blushing face without looking, he felt he was violating her.
Hiccup then turn behind him to look at the door where her bedroom must be. He contemplated whether he should enter or not, bedrooms are kinda sacred. After many considerations for her part, arguably there may be some things inside she really needs. Opening the door and going inside, her room was clean and surprisingly feminine and he could've appreciated more if he wasn't so startled when he saw a big man sitting on her small bed.
The man had red hair and a scowl etched on his face.
"Who are you?"
She wasn't a nosy person.
Or that's what she's been trying to tell herself when she rummages through his closet to find something, anything that would semblance Hiccup in a way she hadn't seen him before. She didn't know why, but she needs to see a photograph of him, whatever photographs, because clearly Hiccup haven't heard of good memories and photography.
She found none.
At least not in his closet, maybe Hiccup wasn't the nostalgic type. Knowing Hiccup, he'll draw everything when he wants to, even a flower vase. She hadn't actually notice him having any type of hobbies except that, maybe she doesn't know him that much after all. She put his jackets away and was to step out of the closet when her head accidentally bumped on a storage upward, and a book on it fell—on her head again and scattered some of the things tucked inside.
The man had an accent, all gruff and Scottish.
"Who are you? And don't make me question again." with the same domineering trait like his daughter, Hiccup almost chuckled.
"I'm Hiccup."
"Gesundheit."
Hiccup let his remaining self-control go. He burst out a laugh then painstakingly tried to stop it by coughing. He looks like a fool. He was laughing at his own name after all. The burly man was ready to attack him, Hiccup didn't like that at all, he put his hands upward in a surrender, hoping that this man—Merida's father could give him a chance.
"I'm sorry, sir, that's my name; Hiccup. And I'm not a thief."
"You're a friend of my daughter, yes?" Merida's father said, calmly sitting back on the bed.
"Yes, sir."
"I'm no sir, that title is for man-child with pretty suits. No, I am Fergus Dunbroch and you see this? this is a kilt. This is for man. I am no sir."
"Yes, sir—Er, sorry, Fergus."
"Come here, sit!" He bellows, patting the spot beside him. Hiccup followed and felt the bed's already shrunken from both of their weight. "Are you her boyfriend?"
His ears turned red. "Uh—no, we're friends."
"But she's living with you?"
"Yes." He knew he shouldn't have said that, this man could've track him down, but this was Merida's father, he got the feeling that this man before him is asking assurance for the safety of his daughter.
"Back in my day, we call that marriage."
Now his whole face is bright red. "No, uh—I mean, yes, I mean, yes in your days but now, no, no, we're only friends."
Fergus was not amused by the look he's giving him. "Are you saying my daughter's—" he snapped his fingers, eyes closed, the big man was clearly struggling to compose an english word suited for whatever he's supposedly to say because he kept muttering Scottish phrases, "undesirable, HA! yes, that is word."
"No, no, what? yes, of course she is. She's hot! Er—I'm sorry about that, but yes and we're just really friends. It's a millennial thing; living with friends, sharing foods." Well, that was a shitty explanation, he thought, regardless, the man gave him a grunt.
Fergus doesn't seem to believe him, "Whatever her choice is. Although she could've chosen a man with kilt. Tell me, where do you come from? I must know something of you if she's with you."
"Of course, I'm Hiccup Haddock, from Berk. Studying Engineering at Dreamworks University, I got a dog named Toothless. And I have a clean record. I have a cousin who's a policeman." The last one was added for a full on trust effect. Although said cousin was far from responsible and was lousy at his vocation, Fergus didn't need to know that.
Hiccup raised his hand and Fergus nodded with a raised eyebrow, he accepted the handshake. Even patted him on the back, and Hiccup could swear he heard and painfully felt his backbone break.
"Okay, I will share something of mine." Fergus said, and with one swift motion he rolled the sleeve of his shirt and pointed a tattooed symbol on his shoulder. "You see?"
"Ah, a Celtic knot. And sorry, I assume your emblem?"
Fergus eyes sparkled in interest. "Yes, how do you know?"
Hiccup shyly scratch the back of his head, "Sir, er—sorry again, Fergus, my father taught me the traditional knots and I draw them for my hobby. And yours means interconnected so strongly that there are three meanings; family, responsibility and bravery."
"That is good. Father's should really teach their young guns about their culture. Yours did a good job." He patted Hiccup's back, and he felt truly touched by it.
"And I'm sure Merida thinks the same about you, Fergus. She really needs some time to reflect. But she does miss playing archery with you."
"You're an interesting lad, Hiccup, I see why my daughter has taken a —how shall I say this, millennial living with you." Merida's father said, even chuckling to himself.
Hiccup didn't know what to say next. The man was smiling at him and Hiccup couldn't help but feel honoured. Fergus Dunbroch is entrusting him with his daughter, he knows she's very special to him; a fact Merida doesn't acknowledge.
Fergus calmly said, "I could count her friends with my fingers but that friend to share her burdens with? Someone who'll get her things for her, you're the first person." maybe it was how his eyes roamed on her luggage by Hiccup's side.
Merida is surely a private person that he notices; entrusting him with her things is valid indication of what she truly thinks of him.
And Fergus knows it too. He took hold of a paper in front of him, Hiccup realizes he was giving it to him and questioningly accepted it.
Hiccup's eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. This was no ordinary paper. Hell, he could buy a new car in this amount.
"I never take no for an answer." Fergus sharply said when Hiccup made a gesture of giving it back to him like the cheque burned his skin and soul.
"Don't tell her that it came from me, she won't accept it, use it for whatever she needs. She's a proud girl—my Merida, just like her mother, they don't agree much on everything but they do have that in common; their stubbornness." Fergus chuckled to himself.
He really doesn't know what to say, words wouldn't spew out of his mouth.
"You are a good lad, indeed. That braid in your hair, she made that, yes?"
Hiccup nodded, a toothy smile at that, and Fergus softly chuckled, "That girl."
"Please take care of my Merida. And what happened today, you did not see me, I did not see you. Merida did not come back here. This did not happen. Don't fail her." Fergus stands up, all big and strong.
"Or else," he added. "Neither gnomes nor evil trolls could be as much terrifying as what a concerned father would do. Don't worry; I know enough of your culture, Viking-spawn." Fergus grinned but Hiccup knew the man was serious and he meant it.
Fergus Dunbroch nodded at him before going to the door, his kilt proud and obeying his movements.
Hiccup was left agape.
They were photos and sketches. Different from each other, people she didn't knew and places she's never seen before. She picked up one;
HA 10/18/2014
Merida absorbed all the details in that picture; Hiccup was dressed in a heavy-looking fur jacket and his hair looked exactly as if the winter wind had come their way as he smiled for the camera despite of the cold. And the woman with him, she was beautiful, with her blonde hair and blue eyes, Merida thought maybe there was something between them. They were so close, painfully so, with smiles so large anyone who'll see this picture will clearly see that these two people are indeed in love.
And Merida thought to herself that maybe she wasn't meant to have somebody she can smile to photographs with, unlike her friends whose lives are clearly set up for marriages and white picket fences after graduation. Being alone is actually okay, she mused, and you can never depend on anyone. You can always prioritize yourself without thinking another person.
And yet here she is, living with a guy in the meantime she's not even have a romantic relationship with, and silently admitting to herself that if Hiccup would break off their friendship she'll most probably cry. He saw her at her bleakest point and stayed with her through it all, and she regarded him as one of her best friends. And it's okay if it's just that, as long as he's here.
Her train of thoughts were cut short when she realized the scattered mess; she picked the photos off the ground and returned the book to its original place. She saw the Hiccup in those pictures; he was thin, younger, didn't have his signature braid; how his smile and carefree attitude is vastly different from the present Hiccup. And she wondered who the true Hiccup is? What were his aspirations before all of this drawings and his talk of dragons?
Looking at the wide-opened door, to where the big man exited, he fixed his eyes on it as if Fergus Dunbroch would reappear again and say, "Just kidding, mate, you're in Laugh Out Loud. There's the camera right there."
It took minutes for him to realize that he was, indeed, now utterly alone inside Merida's bedroom and on her bed; slumped and having a hard time absorbing everything what has transpired here and what the man in a kilt had said, every word and accent.
He looks at the single paper that meant a lot, literally, before sighing through his mouth.
And a loud thought lingering on the back of his head: what the fuck are you going to tell her?
Okay, first, I go home.
Once she sorts her things, she'll thank him for everything, verbally. She had never got to breach gratefulness with him because he looks as if she shouldn't mention anything at all and he's glad about it anyway.
She was surprised to see him handling her luggage without any emotions, not at all, no side remarks nor jokes. He was silent.
Merida eyed him suspiciously, "So, any spectacular moment you've encountered?"
He shrugs, "None."
"Wow, you're awfully chirpy today, aren't you?"
Hiccup looks away, "I'm hungry. I'm gonna fix something. What do you want?"
"Whatever you want. And you picked them quite nicely." gestures to her clothes.
"I don't see the fuss about you needing your whole wardrobe. When it consists only of sweatpants and oversized shirts."
Merida rolled her eyes at him, typical of boys, "You just looked at one wardrobe, and clearly you didn't see the rest."
"What? There's more? Goddamn." Now this is the playful Hiccup. Merida batted her eyes lashes at him.
"Yes, more. I've got fancy dresses my mum gave to me, birthday presents of clothing I wouldn't dare to wear, and clothes I bought on impulse. For a guy who took so long you didn't see them at all? And besides, I couldn't always wear your shirts and sweatpants, you know." she snorted, arms already crossed.
"My clothes look better on you anyways." he said, before letting himself out.
Merida was left blushing madly. It was a normal thing to say to a person, really, and yet she seem to think about him and everything about him in a deeper, more personal meaning as of lately. And it sickens her.
She took out handful of something lacy on the back of her luggage and when she saw it, Merida turned all shades of red.
This can't be happening.
Anna's gift to her last year.
Maybe that's why he was so silent to her earlier.
Ugh, even when not around Anna could still ultimately embarrass her.
Hiccup made his way to the kitchen, planning to make sandwiches. Maybe even thoroughly think of a way for him to give Merida the cheque her father had given him for her. What could he say? "Hey, Mer, your dad sort of gave me this for you." or "What's up? The numbers in your dad's cheque that's what. Hehe."
Gods, he was stupid. He could always tell her the truth. Yes, the truth. But he knows deep inside of Merida's conflicting feelings about her current predicament that she'll surely, positively, going to destroy it. Of course, Merida's proud. It's the only thing she has left, judging by her snide remarks about her mother; her family is keen on subjecting her on their demands. And yet, her father's not so bad, at least that's what Hiccup felt about the man. He wanted to give Fergus a chance. But how? How will he ever give this without her raising questions and an eyebrow.
He didn't notice something on the floor, not until his feet stomps on it.
Bending to crumple it and throw it away, he was sure it was just another piece of his paper and yet his eyes widened when he looked at it; what he saw collided him with many memories back home.
A picture of him with someone so long ago.
He's sure he didn't left this here. He put the photo inside his top drawer.
Huh.
Is this really a sign for him given by the Gods?
Back home was filled with nostalgia, laughter and sea breeze. Everyone he ever loved was there. He could always go back. He was meant to go back.
But now's not the time, Hiccup could hear Merida's comments about her things, here in his crappy apartment is his home with all his sketches and American dreams and a sad girl with hair like fire.
Merida zipped her last luggage securely, and with careful placement on it on the floor, she put on her bag, wheeled her two luggage and she looked like exactly a tourist far away from home that have had an overextended stay at a foreign place because 'the land called to me'. Though it was really her hasty decision because her mother cried Marriage! And she definitely called and dragged Hiccup to her mess, which she was guilty for.
Without counting the days in her head, Merida knew for sure she's been here for quite some time and she definitely agreed with herself that it was high time to scramble out and just stop being a damn parasite. It's not easy picking up the pieces to where she's left to, but she's determined, this wasn't her first run away from home after all.
"Uh," Hiccup came out of the kitchen, looking like he was fixing something to eat. "Where are you going?"
"Gonna camp out."
"What?"
"I've been a freeloader to you these days and I'm really thankful for your help, really, I think it's time for me to go." even with her large smile, she can't help but to feel hopeless.
Hiccup made a dash in front of her, so that they're now face to face, him looking serious, and her wishing he doesn't notice her blushing.
"No." He said. Merida didn't know if she heard him right. She went to the door, still, Hiccup moved to block her, "I said 'No', where would you even go?"
"Anywhere." her answer reflected to what she have had said that other day. "I'm really grateful to you, Hic, really I am, I don't wanna impose anymore, okay? You've done so much, I'm in debt to you."
With a shake of his head, the look on his face made her heart quicken its beat in sick anticipation. "I'm fine with you here. You can stay whenever you like, and not just because I'm your friend or you think you owe me, but I really want you to stay with me. Or think of this as my payment to you when you won that challenge. Think anything, just don't leave," He gently laid his hand on her shoulder, "please?" she was going to explode.
"Yes." it took a long moment for her to answer. He shared her smile and thumbed a droplet of tear from her cheek, and everything would be okay, as long as he's there in front of her, she wouldn't change this for grandeur or some fancy gala with some snotty boy her parents wanted for her.
She's perfectly fine with Hiccup.
This happened at the sixth day of her 'temporary stay' at his place.
She would, often, give him looks; can see he was happy, like he was content at everything, and it made her happy too, how did she ever been so lucky to have him as her friend? And though her heart makes silly acrobatics inside her chest, the overwhelming feelings would follow, and they aren't unwanted at all.
Maybe this is really the true Hiccup.
