Chapter Five
Their park outing came to an end when May tragically tripped on her shoelaces and scraped her knee on the pavement, her cries and wails resounding in the small playground, even patrons across the street at Vivaldi's restaurant turned to look at the possible bloodshed. Both adults were quick on their feet to mind the little girl, but Hermione more so. Harry watched her pull out a small floral pouch from the pocket of her skirt which she expanded with her wand, pulling out a square of clean gauze. He watched as she efficiently cleaned the bleeding wound, while whispering soothingly for May to calm down.
"It won't hurt a thing, love," Hermione guaranteed and then out came the tiny vial of dittany, a single drop enough to make the stinging go away and for the wound to close entirely, as if nothing happened. May's eyes went wide with wonder, daddy's kisses usually helped, but his curly-haired friend was simply magic.
"It's gone…" She mumbled out, wiping away a stray tear, her expression no longer of pain but of pure disbelief and curiosity. Hermione helped May up from the ground and cleaned the dust off her clothes. "Are you a fairy?" Hermione shook her head, though there was a smile on her face. She couldn't resist the cuteness of the girl's huge doe eyes or the tangled ginger curls.
"Oh, no, don't be silly! Fairies are tiny and mischievous little things, I most certainly am not one of them…" May took her hand without asking and nuzzled her soft toddler cheek against the skin of Hermione's hand.
"Thank you..."
"Oh, you're quite welcome, May." Hermione smiled again, her heart warming at the little girl's show of affection.
"I think I want to go home now…" Hermione glanced at Harry, already across the playground busy gathering the still wild and energetic Beatrice and Lily. It seemed he had the same desire as his youngest, it was after all way past eight.
The walk to Harry's small blue car was a short one, though Hermione greatly appreciated the cool breeze as it helped to keep the butterflies in her stomach in check. Even the girls were all quiet as they went on their way, all different levels of exhausted and ready to hit the bath and then the sack. Once they arrived in front of the hardware store where his car was parked, Harry artfully strapped May in her carseat while Bea and Lily sat side by side, both sweaty and exhausted from all the running. Upon entering he turned on the ignition and the radio, not too loud as to disturb their little passengers and sighed, putting on his seatbelt. Hermione did the same, staring out of the window just so she didn't have to look at or exchange words with him. It was strange, this predicament of theirs… There was so much she wanted to tell him, but at the same time so little to say, or that she was willing to say. Hermione Granger wasn't often speechless, but the butterflies were wild again, she could barely breathe or contain herself.
"Actually, I think I do have an answer…" Harry finally said after a few minutes and it shocked her to her very core. She'd been expecting him to stall or ignore her question from earlier, as he normally did when they were younger. As far as Hermione could recall, Harry wasn't the sort to express his feelings. Nevertheless, her curiosity got the best of her.
"It being?" She watched him attentively from the corner of her eyes, not daring to look directly at him for fear of betraying her slippery control of her emotions.
"I didn't plan to stay away this long, I just kept postponing and postponing until it was too damn late. The right moment never came…"
"Why did you need a right moment to visit your friends?"
"Not visit my friends Hermione, but face all of this. Magic, wands, our world, everyone from my past and you included. Magic gave me so much, but it also took away far too much for me to bear. My parents, my freedom, too many friends and schoolmates, my godfather… I wanted out, I didn't want this world to make me suffer anymore. I figured that because I lived as a muggle when I was a boy I could easily do it again. It was hard to adapt, to not do a spell or wave my wand whenever needed. I had to learn so many things! And then came Sarah into my life and soon after Lily and May. I didn't feel that there was a reason to use magic anymore, it no longer fit in the new life I had built… So many people live full lives without even knowing about magic, I reckoned I could do the same."
"But the difference Harry is that those people weren't born with it in their veins, it is not in their nature like it is in mine and yours. Magic for us is like breathing, or it should be, I don't know..." Hermione shook her head and tried to control the upset in her voice as to not disturb the sleeping girls in the back. She drew a long breath and sighed, resting her forehead against the cold of the car window, before turning to look at him again, his eyes focused on the road ahead. "So you stayed away for fifteen years because you wanted nothing to do with magic?" Harry sighed, a deep frown embedded on his features as he made another sinuous turn.
"It was my choice Hermione, and don't think for a minute that it didn't hurt. Leaving that aspect of my life behind was like abandoning a part of who I was, I felt empty and I became desperate to fill that void with something else..."
"Thing is Harry, you weren't the only one to have suffered with the war, with how being magical affected your life. Forgive me if I'm angry or think all that you did is utter bollocks, because it is. Your leaving broke my heart, Harry, you were my greatest friend-I thought we'd always be there for one another, through thick and thin. When we said our goodbyes all those years ago at the airport I never expected it to last this long. I felt abandoned..." Hermione still refused to look at him and her words were as firm and harsh as Harry expected them to be, though they cracked and faltered towards the end, when he realized she was battling against an onset of tears. She took in a heavy and shaky breath, but continued:
"When an entire year passed and then a second, and then you wrote to me speaking of Sarah and bloody Canada of all places-I knew I had lost you, I knew there was no use holding on to the shred of hope that you'd return, that we'd be close again, share that lovely little flat again and go on with our lives together. By then I already had my parents back, and with Olivia to boot, but I never felt more lonely and hopeless in my life. You were my family, too..."
Harry's heart ached upon hearing her response. He'd disappointed her more than words could describe. It was in the way she looked at him, the way it rolled off her tongue laced with anger, it was in the way she avoided touching him and even exchanging words. Along with his magic he had turned his back on her, his lifelong best friend… Hermione with all her virtues and flaws never deserved it. Harry had been selfish, that much he admitted, but his life was his to live, was it not? Shouldn't all mere mortals be selfish sometimes? It didn't mean there weren't times where he deeply regretted his decision, despite this, however, even if given the opportunity, Harry couldn't whole-heartedly say he'd change a thing. And wasn't Hermione being rather selfish herself?
"Will you ever forgive me?" He asked, finally, after a long few minutes of driving in silence. They were entering the village of Amberley with its cobblestone roads and quaint little cottages of thatched roofs and flowery gardens. That's when he turned to look at Hermione and saw tears glistening as they silently cascaded down her cheeks. Her eyes met with his and she sniffled, wiping them away.
"I missed you so, so much, I can't afford to miss you ever again, Harry, so yes, I think I will forgive you, just maybe not tonight..." With that they arrived in front of her home, all lights but that of the tiny front porch switched off. He noticed her dark eyes reflecting something other than discomfort towards him and it somewhat relieved him and gave him hope. Harry was certain that with time things would be all right again between them, perhaps not the same as all those years ago, but at least all right.
"I missed you too Hermione, please don't think the opposite…" Harry said, desperately wanting that bit of truth and information to penetrate that stubborn brain of hers. Their eyes locked for a moment and Hermione nodded. She fetched her purse and got out, shutting the passenger door carefully. She opened the door to the backseat and gently shook Beatrice awake from where she was snoring, head resting against the car window. "Come on, love, we're home…" Bea mumbled something incomprehensible and Hermione managed to unbuckle and carry her daughter along the short path home.
Harry watched as his old friend opened her front door with a simple alohomora and shut the bright red door closed behind her.
Merlin, what a day this had been. A part of Harry was almost thankful for the pipe that had burst.
Forgive me once again readers for taking so long to update and for the update being so short, but I needed to put this itty bitty chapter out so the story can move forward. Yes, they are awkward right now and they have every reason to be, please bear with me as the ice between these two old friends begins to melt!
I don't know if all of you noticed but I recently posted a one-shot that is a prequel of sorts to this story, called "How Far We've Come". It relates to the last chapter where Hermione comments about losing her fear of broomstick flying with Harry's help after the war. I think you'll appreciate it and it will be good to catch a glimpse into what their friendship and relationship was like before Harry left England. I think you'll understand why it hurt Hermione so much.
I hope you were able to enjoy this small chapter and please, please REVIEW!
