areyoukiddingmedude: Dude, when I look at all the fics in the Harley/Ivy fandom, I feel like [my story] Unconscious Motivation is this fat little rainbow pony in a race with giants. AmberZ10: Haha, I know exactly how you feel. AY: Yeah but [your story] Mad Love is like a black thoroughbred with mental issues AZ: Wow, umm...that sounds amazing...but, what does it mean? AY: FAT LITTLE RAINBOW PONY, I don't know how much clearer I can be...
It's like the bestest analogy ever AZ: Mhm...sure...totally...But seriously, what?
"Mandarin salad." Pamela told the woman working behind the salad bar at the cafeteria.
"Caesar, please and thank you." Selina emphasized her pleasantry in comparison to Pam's abruptness.
The redhead rolled her eyes, ignoring her as she leaned back against the counter to survey the cafeteria. She couldn't help but notice the blonde- Harley- had yet to arrive. Not that it mattered or anything.
"Diana, you beautiful bastard!" Selina was greeting the athletic girl making her way towards them, bypassing the line of other students, her jet black hair flowing glamorously behind her despite her having just come from gym class.
"Why is Diana a 'beautiful bastard' and I'm an 'ignorant slut'?" Pam asked, venom in her tone.
"Your tits are bigger," the brunette replied absently as Diana arrived, her tray already full with the roast chicken option. Selina leaned in and kissed her on both cheeks. "Coach Kane whipping you into shape?" she asked.
"Always." Diana chuckled. "And Pamela…" she gave the redhead the same greeting. "A literal goddess among us."
"That's high praise coming from Princess Di herself." Selina laughed, accepting the compliment for her, and Pam couldn't help but smirk.
"I didn't see you all summer." Diana remarked to the redhead. "Let me guess, you got some internship at some lab and were too busy nerding out to remember you had friends."
Pam cocked her head slightly in false thought. "I'm not sure that 'nerd' can be used as a verb."
"Oh, come on, Pam." Diana laughed. "How often did you wear your contacts this summer? Be honest."
"Sometimes they irritate my eyes." Pamela told her, not exactly making an excuse, just explaining the situation.
"Translation? She looked like Velma from Scooby-Goddamn-Doo all fucking summer." Selina grabbed her finished salad from the counter, picking up Pam's as well and placing it on her tray.
Diana's eyes sparkled with amusement. "Bruce reserved our table. I'm starving."
"I thought you only feasted on the broken bodies of your enemies." Selina led the way to the waiting table with a smirk. "Opposing athletes beware, Diana Prince has a stick and she's not afraid to use it."
"If I remember right," Dick Grayson jumped in, "she only bit a girl once, Selina. And she was only suspended for three games."
"One! Suspended for one game!" Diana defended herself, sitting down across from Bruce while Selina and Pam sat at the opposite end of the table. "And that's what happens when little girls try to play against grown women."
"Wonderful." Pam said sarcastically, stabbing her lettuce with her fork. "Now I'll be imagining the taste of sweaty flesh as I eat my lunch. Thanks for that."
"And you're only 17." Bruce reminded his best friend.
Diana shrugged. "Close enough."
/
And now it was time for the only moment of the day Harley was dreading more than AP Bio:
Lunch.
She approached the cafeteria, heart pounding. Would anyone let her sit with them? Should she have packed a lunch? Ugh, it just all felt so . . . high school.
Just as Harley grabbed a tray and started to go through the line, someone tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hi, Harley! Remember me? Edward Nygma?" said the bespectacled boy, grinning eagerly.
"Hey, Edward. Of course I remember you," Harley said, relieved to have someone – anyone – to talk to.
"Since it's your first day and all, I thought you might like to get the lay of the land," he said. Then he cleared his throat as Harley slid her tray along, picking up a couple of items. "I have towns but no houses, lakes but no water, forests but no trees. What am I?"
"I'm going to guess . . . a map, since you just said 'the lay of the land'?" Harley said as she paid the cashier. An odd mixture of pride and defeat flashed across Edward's face when she got it right, but he brightened almost instantly. "Come on! I'll show you around."
He led her over to a table in the corner where one other boy sat. He had dark hair that flopped in his eyes, and he peered out from behind his glasses with a sullen expression. "Harleen Quinzel, meet Jonathan Crane!" Edward said with a flourish.
"Hey," said Jonathan.
"Nice to meet ya," said Harley brightly as they sat down. "And Harley's fine. So, Eddie was just going to tell me about how things work around here."
"Okay," said Edward. "Now, what you have to understand is that while most of these people come from similar backgrounds and are forced to play nice in social situations, there are very starkly drawn lines between groups that may not be crossed."
He pointed out various tables in turn.
"Over there are Cassandra Cain and the cool Asians. Her second in command is a girl named Tatsu. I think they're both like actual ninjas." Harley saw a girl dressed all in black, with perfectly styled shoulder-length hair that matched her clothes. She was surrounded by girls who were hanging on her every word.
Edward pointed at another table. "Bruce Wayne and the other varsity jocks." Harley recognized a handsome boy with a chiseled jawline from her Lit class, and instantly vowed never to say the phrase 'chiseled jawline' aloud. "Who's the girl?" she said, noticing the tall, raven-haired beauty sitting across from Mr. Chiseled. Raven-haired beauty, what the hell is wrong with me?
"Diana Prince, goddess," Edward said. "She's the captain of the lacrosse team and Bruce Wayne's best friend since kindergarten. Everyone always assumes they're together, but they swear they're just friends. Besides, Wayne's dating Selina Kyle."
"Who?" Harley raised a blonde eyebrow.
"Patience, my dear. We'll get to her." He moved on to indicate a table at the edge of the cafeteria. "Desperate wannabes. The one in the bomber jacket is Roxy Rocket. She used to hang with the popular crowd until she and Bruce Wayne had some kind of falling out. Or so the story goes."
Edward indicated a table that was covered in Funyuns and Red Vines. "Burnouts. Zatanna Zatara and Barry Allen are the two I know. Barry used to be on the track team. Zatanna always wears fishnets, so we like her." He and Jonathan both giggled at that. "I don't see their leader, though . . ." Edward looked around. "I'm sure he'll show up eventually, he always does."
"Finally," he went on, "the greatest people you will ever meet." Harley kept looking at him, but he was nodding his head at the girls seated at the end of the "jock" table.
"Oh," said Harley. "I sort of thought you meant . . . you two." Jonathan snorted, and Edward chuckled bitterly. Harley turned around to see that he was looking right at . . . her.
And she was looking back, her perfectly poised fork frozen halfway to her mouth, not a single red curl out of place as Pamela and Harley locked eyes across the noisy cafeteria.
"Selina Kyle and Pamela Isley." Edward sighed a little as he said Pamela's name. Harley could hear her pulse thrumming in her ears and had to focus harder on what Edward was saying. "Every so often, another girl tries to claw her way to the top, but no one can beat those two – although they're always trying to best each other."
Pamela finished taking her bite and looked away, seemingly interested in what the dark-haired girl next to her was saying. That must be Selina, Harley thought, clearing her throat and facing Edward once more.
"So," Edward said, "like I was saying – the greatest people you will ever meet . . . and the worst."
"Oh, Eddie, talking about me again?" said a sly voice, and suddenly the green-haired boy from Latin class slid into the seat right next to Harley.
/
Selina swallowed a mouthful of salad. "So we obviously need to throw a party."
"Oh?" Pamela replied distractedly as she glanced around the cafeteria. Not looking for anyone in particular, per se…
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Selina asked like Pam had just murdered her cat. "Of course we need to throw a party!"
"Mm. OK." The redhead took a sip of her water, still not completely focused on what her friend was saying.
"We'll have it at my place since my parents won't be back until the end of the month." Selina informed her. "And—"
There she was. A nervous smile on her face, her blonde hair drawn up into childish pigtails that would look absolutely ridiculous on anyone else. Harleen- no, Harley. She'd asked to be called Harley. Pamela filed a mental note. She was pretty…still pretty, that hadn't changed since Literature class, not that it would…why would it change? Pamela's fork remained poised halfway between her plate and her mouth, now an afterthought. 'Hi,' she'd said with a slight accent. A Gotham accent, that much was clear. So she hadn't moved to town; she'd just switched schools. And now she was sitting with…Nygma. A loser. And that Crane boy. Pamela mentally congratulated herself for even knowing the second boy's name. They were directing Harley's focus around the cafeteria, and despite her nervous expression, there was something in Harley's eyes that interested Pamela. An excitement. A sort of…weightlessness. Pamela was looking closer now, trying to at least, when…blue to green, she was looking directly at her. They were looking at each other, or they were…eye contact…there was that electricity from earlier and it moved even quicker to Pamela's stomach this time.
"So what do you think?" Selina unfroze time and the redhead quickly finished her bite, shoving the lettuce in her mouth without any of her usual grace.
The feeling faded from Pam's abdomen as she focused on the yellow flecks in her friend's green eyes. "What?"
"The theme! What do you think?" Selina asked again, setting her fork down.
"Yes, it's…Certainly. Brilliant. I love it." Pamela wasn't a great liar.
"You didn't listen to a word I just said, did you?" The brunette scowled.
"Noir." Bruce helped her out. "As a theme for the party. Like Hitchcock stuff."
"I know what 'Noir' is." Pamela told him a little too harshly, but she withdrew, her eyes apologizing for her. "Just tell me what you need me to bring, Selina. A party sounds fun."
"Whatever." The brunette huffed. "So who do we invite?" she asked, aiming the question at her boyfriend this time.
"Harleen Quinzel." Pam said at the same time as Bruce answered "Everybody."
Selina regarded the redhead curiously. "Who?"
"The, umm…" Pamela cleared her throat, willing away the blush in her cheeks. "The blonde from Gordon's class."
"You mean that idiot who was late?" Selina laughed. "Why?"
Pamela shrugged, regaining her usually commanding demeanor. "Well, this is our school, right?"
Selina nodded, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.
"Then isn't it our job to be hospitable? At least until we know for sure she's an idiot?" Pamela asked, casually taking another bite of salad.
"Mmm…" The brunette narrowed her eyes, thinking it over. "Yeah, all right. Blondie can come. And I think I can pull things together by Friday. Party on Friday? My place?" She addressed the whole table, receiving enthusiastic nods in return. "Awesome." She grinned, sitting back and popping another piece of gum into her mouth.
"Awesome." Pamela repeated, glancing quickly across the cafeteria once more.
Bonus points if you can translate that analogy into English for me (AZ)
