Interlude - Lull
We've freed Darna! It… ah… wasn't exactly anticipated, but hey, we did it! Now, of course, we have to fix things up. Not only did our battle make a mess, but Bramsel's neglect also led to so many places just being unsafe to live in. Then we have the survivors of the battle...
Never a free moment, huh?
Poachers could all burn in hell. Or, at least, the poachers that stole baby animals. Seriously, I wasn't sure what to do with them. Thankfully, there weren't that many (just four), but there were still enough to be... troublesome. Adorable fluffs of troublesome, but troublesome nonetheless.
"Ignoring the fact that most are too young to know how to hunt properly, all of the ones here are not local," I murmured, flipping through my notes as I walked down the hall with Hestia. Surprisingly enough, Bramsel did have a library, and one decent enough that I could do some research on animal habitats. And, unfortunately, confirmed my suspicions. "We can't release them into the wild for both of those reasons, but I can't make the people of Darna take care of them…" Reconstruction was going well enough, but it would be a while before you could say Darna was 'recovered'. Food was just one of many issues. "And I absolutely cannot abide by that one suggestion…"
Hestia whimpered, sensing my thoughts, and I sighed and petted her head, remembering. One civilian had suggested just killing them, especially since two had been sick (though now thankfully recovered). I had nearly told Hestia to attack him, though, and also nearly set him on fire. Thankfully, Nanna had covered for me, but I had to stomp off to get my temper back under control. Which was mortifying and I knew that I was being stupid, but damn it, they were babies. They were barely weaned, if that!
"Man, if people saw how morose you were looking, they'd be terribly worried." Larcei appeared at my other side and plucked the notes from my hand. I blinked slowly, trying to figure out where she had come from. Hestia hadn't warned me. "Ah, research to see if there might be some wild animals we could reintroduce the captured to?" she asked, flipping through. "No luck?"
"That's even assuming we could introduce them and not have instant rejection," I pointed out. It had been an option, of course, but not one I'd been hopeful on. "But no, no luck. What are you doing? I thought you were with the guards."
"I was, but honestly, Mursili has it totally under control, so instead, I decided to check in on our 'very special guests'." She made a face. I wondered what the imprisoned mercenaries did this time. "Got a few troublesome ones being moved to more secure locations soon."
"I see…" I could only sigh at that. How could we convince them that we meant what we said? I didn't know, and… "Well, hopefully the others have had a more productive morning. Afternoon. Shit, what time is it anyway?"
"Hell if I know. Not late enough that Patty is scolding us about not eating? Again." There was so much to be done that we often lost track of time. Patty made it her job to make sure we didn't collapse from hunger. "Man, if the others find out, we're going to have to listen to so many lectures."
"Well, they don't have to know?" I snickered and she grinned. "Now, was I looking so despondent that you just had to come cheer me up?"
"What better way than giving you a pretty face to look at?" She laughed and swung behind me to jump on my back. I barely caught her, with some stumbling, and Hestia barked, wagging her tail excitedly. "Though now that I'm thinking about it, I'm supposed to help Tine with market inspection. Mind if we borrow Hestia for that? Last time, I thought some folk were leering at her and I'd rather have her around to confirm it's not just me being sensitive before bashing their skulls in."
"No violence." I continued down the hall with her on my back, Hestia faithfully at my side. "Or at least let Hestia handle it."
"Fine. I guess." She sighed, resting her chin on my head. "I'm tired. Mind if we share a bed tonight?"
"Sure, that's fine. We can gossip." Hopefully, that would help me too. I also had been having trouble sleeping. My mind just whirling with everything that needed to be done. "So, to the market?"
"Huzzah!"
I ended up carrying Larcei to the castle gates, but decided against going into the market with her and Hestia. Instead, I decided to take some of the lesser used roads to see how repairs were going to the not-main areas, and then I headed for the front gates to check on the wall itself, since we were reinforcing it. And that was when I was very distracted. One, Ares was talking to someone wearing clothes that… well, they reminded me more of a simpler version of what Conall wore: practical, almost to the point of severity, unlike the clothes of Darna's people, which had colorful and vibrant embroidery no matter what social rank they were. Two, Ares was actually being sociable. Three? Well...
"Is that a dragon?" Those probably shouldn't have been the first words out of my mouth, considering what a dragon being here (likely) represented, but holy shit, it was a dragon! Right in front of me! "Oh my gods, it's a dragon!" I squealed, immediately rushing over to them. I barely caught Ares giving me a 'what the hell' look' and the knight looked bewildered, but I didn't care because dragon! "Oh, aren't you a beauty…!" I stopped just in front of the dragon, almost bouncing from excitement as I looked into their eyes. "Beautiful one, might I study you? You're such a wonder! Far more so than the pictures in books!"
After a moment, the dragon nodded, eyeing me warily. So, I did my best to stay within easy sight as I… well, studied them. The first thing I noticed was that their scales were warm. In fact, they were like a roaring fire with the heat they gave off. I wondered if they shed. If they did, how did they shed? In one piece? In many pieces? And oh, the absolute beauty of the muscles underneath the scales. The leg muscles were noticeably more developed than the rest, making me think they launched themselves up into the air unlike pegasi. Not that their 'arms' and claws were much less developed, hinting that they fought with everything they had (and the way the arms moved showed the mobility needed to pick up and throw something). Their teeth were sharp as well, hinting to a more carnivorous diet, and the eyes were double-lidded, no doubt to protect them from dust and high force winds. Their wings fascinated me, though, because the membrane there was surprisingly thin compared to the sturdiness of the rest of them. In fact, it was practically transparent when held to the sun, and that let me see something I found peculiar and interesting. There were actually very few veins and arteries there, making it almost seem like… like a cloak you pinned on or something.
"That could explain why dragons can handle arrow wounds better than pegasi?" I whispered, thinking. I remembered Oifeye mentioning that, but I had always assumed it was simply the armor, since dragons were known for being stronger and sturdier anyway. But if pegasi had more veins and arteries in their wings, then of course they would be effect more. "How fascinating… I wonder why they have that sort of adaptation… does it make it easier to conserve heat or something?" I watched them move the wing and determined that any muscles and veins were in the supporting cartilage. At least, I thought it was cartilage. It felt more flexible? "Wow, you are a wonder…"
"Well, she's totally enthralled," Ares deadpanned, distracting me for a moment. I glanced over briefly to see him talking to the Thracian dragon knight, and went back to my studying because that was far more interesting. "Whatever. What was I… oh, right. Her letter was a little later than usual. Was it the chaos here?"
"No, her highness was simply busy," the knight replied. The title made me pause, because I realized… I realized I hadn't even known Travant had kids. I mean; it made sense. But no one ever talked about them. Just evil Travant and his evil ways of evil. Okay, and admittedly, even if I could see the logic in them, his tactics were harsh. ...Made me wonder how people would call our tactics, considering… "The Loptyrian priests have been pressing their luck more and more."
"Please tell me she didn't have her dragon eat anyone."
"No, no, she didn't have time. Believe it or not, Prince Arion lost his temper first." Arion… so, Travant had two children, a boy and a girl. I should ask more about that later. I had no doubts we would eventually have to negotiate with Travant, after all. But I was a bit baffled by just how many people of that generation had a boy and a girl.
"Arion did? We sure that the priests only 'pressed their luck'?" Ares crossed his arms, and I saw he was holding a letter. So, he was friends with at least the Thracian princess… maybe that could help? "Arion's calmer than a still lake normally and he's the only one in that family with any sort of tact." And maaaaybe try to talk to Arion first? Or would that be rude?
"I'm sure the details are in the letter, Master Ares." They nodded to the gates. "So, what happened here? Did that liberation whatever actually take Darna?"
"Isaach is liberated, completely, and they've destroyed the Yied shrine, freed Darna, and use Melgen as their base." Ares shrugged; the knight looked impressed. "As you can see, though, they're a tad weird. More than a 'tad', actually."
"Hmm?"
"Your dragon is magnificent!" I gushed, deciding to just jump into the conversation then. I stepped back and bowed to the dragon, grinning. "Thank you, wonderful one! I am pleased to learn so much first hand instead of simply relying on my readings. They left far too much stuff out." I then skipped over to Ares's side, grinning. "Anyway, yes, your dragon is amazing! I can't believe I got to study one!"
"I… thank you?" the knight replied. They struggled to act like they met weird girls all the time, but I could tell they were bewildered. The whole 'are you okay?' look in their eyes was a dead giveaway. "I… must admit to being surprised. Most don't deign to talk with us because they think we're like hyenas."
"...Isn't that a compliment?" I frowned, confused. The knight just blinked slowly at me, like I'd grown a tail or something. "I mean… hyenas are super clever. Cunning. Adaptable. They're highly successful hunters, able to survive where others would starve. And their cooperation skills are supposed to be amazing." So it honestly sounded like a compliment to me! "I mean… Thracians were always described as brutal pragmatists to me. Not hyenas."
"I think it was supposed to convey a mental image of carnage."
"You mean like every single battlefield that has ever existed?" I couldn't help the dryness in my voice. "I mean… all the ones I've seen were a mess of blood, mud, body parts, and bodily fluids other than blood all mixed together with copious amounts of smells that turn your stomach inside out twice and the screams of the soldiers still clinging to life."
"...You would get along well in Thracia, my lady." While… while I hoped that meant good things for talking with Thracians, I… wasn't sure how much I liked that, actually. While hyenas were amazing, I preferred being a wolf. Though, I think… wait, no, hold on, my books mentioned… "You look lost in thought."
"Hyenas are related more closely to cats than canines, I think…" I mumbled, barely paying attention. "Though they do share quite a few similarities to canines, including some behaviors…"
"Pardon?"
"Oh! Sorry! Thinking aloud!" Okay, this was awkward. "Um…"
"I just realized I forgot to thank you for delivering both her letter and my reply," Ares cut in, salvaging the conversation. I breathed a sigh of relief. "But you should warn her that this will probably be the last letter for a while, since Lene and I will be going to Melgen to visit some people and…"
"Why would that matter?" I asked, frowning. I really didn't understand. "So long as they don't come swooping down on their dragon, I don't see how anyone is going to differentiate them from all the other messengers that show up in Melgen." I shrugged off their weird looks. "It's not like we give people a hundred questions about their purpose and where they're from or anything."
"...How the hell are you all not dead yet?" Ares pinched the bridge of his nose, like he was getting a headache. "Seriously." He shook his head. "Whatever. Please still give her the warning."
The knight bowed in acknowledgement and left without another word. Ares left as well, returning to the castle, and I followed him because I wanted to ask more about why he had thought it would matter. However, that didn't happen because… well, something happened. Because something always happened.
There was barely any time to react, really. One second, people were walking and chatting. The next, they were screaming as one of the imprisoned mercenaries suddenly rushed through the crowd, a weapon in hand. Heading straight for Ares and me. Both of us moved instantly, with me setting their shirt on fire and Ares casually snapping their arm in half and sending the sword up into the air. I managed to snag it, by the lower part of the blade so I only sliced my palm instead of gouged it off, and as Ares slammed the mercenary to the ground, I stabbed downwards, aiming right for their chest. I stopped just before contact, though, because I saw the fear in their eyes. So, instead, I smiled and stepped back, turning to hail one of the guards and ask what happened.
Two seconds later, all the air left my lungs and there was a sharp, burning pain in my lower back. It took another second to realize I'd been stabbed. But when I could finally try to react, someone picked me up as easily as you would a doll and carried me off while everyone else dealt with what happened. I couldn't really process anything, barely even registering that the person who carried me got me into a building.
"I'm fine," I wheezed as whoever it was set me down on a table. It didn't surprise me to see it was Ares. If I could think a little more clearly, it would've been obvious from the start. "Just needs-"
"Treatment," he cut off, disappearing from my side briefly. He returned with a medical kit. "We are in one of the guard barracks, by the way. Since I'm sure you're a little too hazy to figure out geography and city maps at the moment."
"Don't think I've actually been inside one." I coughed, clearing my throat. It was so dry. "So, who stabbed me?"
"The person you should've just killed." He scattered everything onto the table and pushed up my shirt to apply a cloth on it for pressure. "Why do you insist of giving them mercy?" He held up his hand to stop my answer. "No, wait, better question. Why do you insist on making things complicated?"
"Uh… because things are complicated?" What sort of question was that? "People are all doing what they think is right or what they think they have to do to survive and-"
"Bullshit." He rolled his eyes. He actually rolled his eyes."Yes, you've got good people, sure. But you can't just give them all chances or anything."
"How else will they make a choice? If they don't realize that there's another-"
"The ones that would choose otherwise would've already done so. You won. You showed them a different path. Stop confusing different fears. That's what got you with a dagger in your back." He pushed my shirt a little higher to make it easier to keep pressure on it and I just took the damn thing off because that was easiest. "You're so focused on saving people. It's damn near excessive. Obsessive, even."
"I promised a young girl that I'd try to break the cycle of revenge."
"That's also ridiculous. One person alone can't do that. Not even a group. That has to be a personal choice of each person. Which they can't do when someone keeps insisting on dragging things out in the name of mercy."
"That's…!" I could only wince because I couldn't… I couldn't really argue… "One should… lead by example…"
"One shouldn't lead by stupidity."
"But what if they're innocent?"
"You know by now that few adults are 'innocent' in this hell of a world."
"And they should be given choices! How can they choose differently if…?" I shook my head almost violently. "It's just because I wasn't believable."
"Then what do you call Mursili believing in you? What do you call this entire city of crazies who are inspired by you?" He waited, cleaning my injury, but I didn't… I didn't know how to respond. "You're letting yourself be blinded."
"But…"
"So, enough of the bullshit. Enough of finding excuses. They work because they're partially or even mostly true, but they're not why you're obsessed. They just add onto why you do what you do."
"I…" Silence. Silence as I desperately tried to think of some sort of reply. Silence as I desperately tried to think at all. But, eventually… eventually, something did bubble to my lips. But they weren't… what I expected. "...My parents… were innocent people sacrificed because it was convenient." The words came slowly, and I felt like I had to force each one. "Sacrificed for a better world… but who was it better for? I mean… it wasn't better for me. I lost my parents, was separated from my twin, was hunted like a rabbit just for who I was related to. And it wasn't better for the people around me…" I spoke to the floor, like it had answers or something, and absently kicked my feet through the airf. "You asked how I'm not dead yet? It's because hundreds of others died in our place. Hundreds that the supposedly 'better world' wasn't better for. Hundreds who wanted us to save them and their loved ones from the 'better world' Arvis supposedly crafted."
Ares remained silent, still pressing on my wound. Eventually, he pulled away and began cleaning it. He even numbed up the area so that I wouldn't be in as much pain when he used water to flush out any potential debris.
"No, it wasn't better for Isaach. They lost two kings and a princess because they were used as scapegoats. And it wasn't better for Silesse, which was robbed of their independence and their expected golden age under Lewyn." I ground my teeth in frustration over Lewyn. And frustration in general about Silesse. "It certainly wasn't better for Leonster, which was taken over twice in the chaos, or the Manster District. And let's not forget about Verdane, who lost most of their royal family to this mess and who loved Sigurd so."
Ares still kept quiet, continuing to clean the wound. He took his time with it, and I absently noticed that he used a few different ones. You didn't normally need to do that, but he was taking no chances. He also used a basic broad-range antidote, just in case there was poison.
"Now, granted, it's possible it was better for Agustria. But if what I heard was true, then being better than Chagall isn't exactly a challenge. And even then…" I could only sigh. No, there was no reason to bring up Agustria and Nordion to him of all people. "Sure, things weren't bad, necessarily. But 'not being bad' doesn't automatically mean better. And we're in that exactly same scenario now. Fighting a war and killing people, good people, in the name of a 'better world'..." Frustration made my words bitter now. "And people look to us for salvation and… and…!"
"Why are you so afraid of being human?" Ares's question was soft, but they hit me with all the force of a landslide. "Blessed as we are with Holy Blood, we are still human. Yet no matter how much you act, I can't shake the feeling that you're running from that. Could be because people want you to save them, but still…" Finished with cleaning, he began bandaging, being more careful than I was used to seeing. I wondered if it was because of his Hezul strength and then decided that had to be it. "Be hypocritical. That's human nature. Let your temper run. Scream in fury and anger. Break down crying when you're sad. Stop hiding everything behind a smile. Fuck anyone who expect nothing but perfection from you. They're idiots."
"...I do let myself be angry, you know." Gods, the number of times my temper had nearly cost us a mission or me my life… or led me to do horrible acts or almost do horrible acts...
"Do you really? Or do you hold back out of fear of making a mistake?" He shrugged. I wasn't really sure how to respond. "I don't know, really. But I have noticed you hold back everything else. Tears, exhaustion… makes me think you don't let yourself be as angry as you are. But hey, maybe I'm wrong. I'm a warrior, not a philosopher." He finished bandaging me and set his hands on my shoulders. "Okay, all done."
"...Hey, Ares?" I couldn't look up at all. I had no idea what to feel, really. I wasn't even sure I really caught his meaning yet. What he was really trying to say. "Can you take over interrogations?" But I did hope that I caught enough to know… to know that I shouldn't… that none of us who didn't live here in Darna should be handling that.
"Of course." He squeezed my shoulders. "You take a break. You got stabbed, after all. I'll carry you to your room."
"Thank you."
"Looks like it's healing well," Nanna murmured, carefully checking the stab wound on my back. I made some sort of noise, half-asleep on the bed. "You know; when I suggested you lay on your stomach to make it easier to tend to this, I didn't expect you to fall asleep."
"Not sure why, since it's a flat surface that's easy to sleep on," I replied absently. Didn't help that I was laying in a bit of sunshine from the window and the blankets were soft and smelled amazing. Smelled like home, actually. Larcei must've done laundry this time. "Still good to let it heal as is and without a staff?"
"Yes, though honestly…" Nanna sighed and moved away briefly to gather up the medicine and bandages she'd need. "We're almost at a point where using a staff is a better use of resources…"
"Wait, what?" Well, that got me awake. I almost sat up, but she gently pushed me back down because she still needed to clean. "Seriously?"
"Mmhmm…" She worked quickly and efficiently, and I smiled at that. She wasn't as skilled as Nanna, but she had clearly put a lot of work into mastering her trade. "It's because we had so many civilians to treat. Felt like thousands of septic injuries, illnesses… things that heal best without a staff."
"So many that we're running low?" I frowned, thinking. I knew I had made some medicine just yesterday, but I hadn't done inventory here. "Are we just reliant on what we brought or something?"
"No, Bramsel actually kept his infirmary well stocked." She sighed gustily and had me sit up so that she could bandage the injury. "It was, literally, just that many people."
"I see…" I was tempted to ask if she'd accidentally used too much medicine, but I had a feeling she'd admit to that if she thought that might be the case (plus, it sounded patronizing). And I did know the infirmary was quite full and had been since we arrived, but that many? "Apothecaries? We do have gold with us to compensate them." Bramsel's treasury was practically overflowing.
"Patty went around getting me everything she could find and, honestly, most of the apothecaries graciously just gave us what we needed." Note to self: sneak money to them as soon as possible. "The problem is that we've even run their stocks low."
"What the freaking hell?" I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Are healing herbs and the like just rarer here? I admit I'd assumed we'd be fine because there's never been an issue before this." Stupid. That had been stupid. "Why are there so many sick and injured among the civilians, though?"
"I don't know. I mean; I have seen similar things in other places on the peninsula, but nothing like…"
"It's because the church charges for healing, so they tried to suck it up to make ends meet," Lene explained, skipping into the room. She was carrying a basket filled with jars. Medicine, since she immediately began putting them on the shelf. "But with you all here treating people for free… well, they like not being sick and in pain and all."
"So many that…" I began. But I trailed off and shook my head. Victims of the labor camps had required quite a bit of staff healing aside from initial triage or whatever, and the refugees we had numbered less than a city full of injured. Plus we had more people with time to make medicine in the army. "Never mind. I'm guessing Bramsel liked keeping his taxes high like Bloom?"
"Brams actually kept taxes reasonable, believe it or not. Sure, people are poor, but that's more due to Bloom and the Empire than him. Much as I hate giving him any sort of praise and all." She finished shelving the medicines and turned to face Nanna and me, settling the now-empty basket in the crook of her elbow. "Excessive and icky as he was, Brams knew money. He was a merchant before being a lord and he knew that if you kept taxes too high for lower-income folk, then people don't buy things. No buying meant no traveling merchants, and Darna would deteriorate even further."
"I see." Huh. I hadn't even thought about that. Made me wonder how trade was in the rest of the Manster District. "So, why so many…?"
"Well, the church charges gold."
"I see… wait, huh?" Temper… rising… no, I had to keep calm… "So, how much does the average person make around here? I know what it was in Isaach, but-"
"Coppers."
"That's…!" I bit my tongue. Twice. Closed my eyes, counted to thirty. Twice. I hoped that was enough to… well… "Where's Hestia?"
"Huh? She's…" Lene slowly grinned as she figured out why I was asking. "Well, darling, I'll show you as soon as cute Nanna here says you're all done, okay~?" She winked and then looked Nanna up and down. "Also, curious, is everyone in the army gorgeous or something?"
"Diarmuid often complains about how the army is almost too much for his pansexual heart and Larcei and I concur wholeheartedly." I grinned and poor Nanna squeaked behind me. "If you're wondering about Ares's family in particularly, though, then yes, all of them are freaking gorgeous. Should Ares be worried?"
"Nah, he is my one and only, but you can't help but enjoy a good view, right?"
"Of course!" I had to giggle. "Now, pardon my rudeness, but I am simply very nosy. Are you bisexual like Larcei and me or…?"
"I identify as pansexual actually!" She smiled at Nanna, who was blushing terribly. "Oh, you are so adorable. Now, we know that you're completely into this Leif boy, but…"
Lene and I tagged teamed on tasing Nanna until she was redder than… some really red thing I couldn't think of for the moment. Eventually, she pushed us both out of the infirmary, and that was when the two of us fetched Hestia and headed for the main cathedral of Darna. I had intended on going with just Hestia, but Lene insisted on coming along. Something about how she knew no one would pay attention to her (and thus, let her sneak around) and because she wanted to see what happened. I just hoped I kept my temper… and that Hestia didn't bite someone's arm off.
"Ah, Princess Caitriona!" As soon as I stepped inside, the bishop who ran the place walked up to greet me. "Welcome, welcome," he said, smiling kindly. Hestia began sniffing around and Lene promptly disappeared into the shadows of the pillars, sneaking to the back easily. He noticed neither of them, focused completely on me. "What brings you to our humble church?" Humble, he said. There were stained glass windows. It turned the interior a beautiful array of colors, especially on the otherwise plain stone that made up the floor and walls, but that seemed fancy. But, then again, maybe stained glass was common? "Are you here for prayer?"
"One doesn't need to be in a church to pray," I pointed out automatically before mentally cursing myself for the rudeness. But truthfully, I… uh… didn't quite understand-understand the importance of churches? I mean; I knew some people considered them sanctuaries and all, but they never had a strong influence in Isaach even before all the chaos. From what I understood, that was one of the reasons it was 'easy' for Grannvale to believe they massacred Darna (instead of it just being a single madman). It was also why you didn't have a lot of healers in Isaach; staves were held by the church first and foremost. The healing staves we had were scavenged from Dozel forces (save for Lana's staves since they were from Aideen and Conall). "No, I'm simply here to ask if you have any staves or medicines to share. There have been a lot of injuries and illnesses, so many that we can't keep up."
"The poor people…" He briefly brought his hands up in prayer… and stood rigidly. A sudden and incredibly noticeable rigidity. "I fear that I cannot help you, though. Between Bramsel and the Yied Shrine, our own supplies have dwindled into nothing."
"Oh?"
"Yes, they seized all that we have." His hands came down to his side again, and I saw him nervously pull on the edges of the sleeve. He was hiding something. He had to be. "And merchants do not travel through the desert, due to the Loptyrians. Wretched creatures, are they not?"
"No, they're not." Again, the words were automatic, but this time, I basked in the enjoyment his briefly shocked expression gave me. "So, you truly have nothing to give?"
"No, nothing at all."
"That's interesting, because look what I found," Lene suddenly called, skipping back into the main room and brandishing a freaking fortify staff in one hand. The other held an entire basket full of medicines. "By the way, there's more in the back." She smiled smugly, yet innocently, with one brow raised. "At least an entire room full of each." She came to my side and presented the basket. I recognized a few of the medicines easily. "Even more interesting, though? The people locked up in the back. Hestia scared off the guards there, so I imagine that one or two will be making their way here soon."
"That is preposterous!" the bishop snapped, face turning a remarkable shade of purple. And I saw the fear in his eyes and winced. "A slip of a girl claimed to find such things here? She's connected to Bramsel, so she must have-"
"You mean the same guy that almost raped me? Yeah, no." Lene's expression flattened, but her eyes sparked with quiet fury. "Don't even try. I killed him and even if it sickens me, I am ecstatic that I did."
"Such brutal words surely-!"
"No, enough!" And that was when a very disheveled acolyte (or low leveled priest? I had no idea, but there was less ornamentation of his robes) rushed in from the back, quickly followed by Hestia. "No more lies! No more!" the acolyte snapped, glaring with a surprising amount of hatred. I waved Hestia over to my side, feeling a little out of sorts. This was far more dramatic than I had anticipated. "Time and time again we have been forced aside, beaten by thugs whenever we tried to follow our duty! Meanwhile, you have been fattening the church's coffers with bribes from the Empire! Playing spy!"
"You accuse me of lies when you spew such baseless vitriol?" the bishop retorted. He tried to keep dignified, but Hestia growled at him, snapping a bit. That alone told me what I needed to know, but I had no idea how to intervene here. "What is your proof?"
"If the medicine and staff are not enough, do you think we haven't been hoarding proof over these years?" The acolyte snarled. I held onto Hestia and rubbed my temple, warding off a headache. "But let the body count serve as proof as well! Especially Father Claude's!" His eyes filled with tears and I almost reeled back from shock. Nope, this is so not what I anticipated. "In the middle of a plague, when so many were dying in horrible pain, you sold him out for your own ego!"
"Lies! Baseless accusations!"
"All because he would not defer to you, healed all he could without payment! You informed the Empire he was here and they slaughtered him!" Now the acolyte cried, and I glanced worriedly at Lene. But she just seemed amused by the 'show', with no reaction towards the words at all. "His home a burnt ruin, his wife and children missing, and him dead in a ditch!" I needed an adult. This was awkward and nauseating, not the least because a) Lene was right next to me and b) children meant more than one. Meaning Sylvia and Claude had a second child and we knew nothing about them.
"That is…!" The bishop glanced at me, no doubt trying to gauge my reaction. And seeing how unamused I was, he promptly threw himself at my feet. "My lady, please, mercy! I feared for my life! For the lives of my congregation!" He looked up at me with no trace of the earlier dignity. He certainly did look afraid. "Please!"
My instinctive reaction was to be merciful. Of course he would've been afraid. Who wouldn't be? But even as I thought that, I remembered what Ares had said and… and I got it then. Maybe. But we had been here for so long, and yet the bishop continued to hide needed supplies and did not come forward. He had hidden it even when I came myself. Professing fear now… was just him trying to take advantage of me. And even if that had been true once, it wasn't true now. I couldn't… I couldn't confuse 'different fears' again. Doing so…
"Hestia," I whispered, petting her head. She licked my hand, gold eyes focused on me. "Go fetch a guard for me, will you?" She licked my hand again and loped off, through the open doors. "Everyone here is going to be arrested, pending investigation. I'm curious about where these bribes have gone."
"Y-your highness?!" The bishop's jaw dropped. Lene clapped in delight, while the acolyte looked elated. "I… but…"
"You asked for mercy, but mercy is not always justice. And in this case, I know there must be justice. Too many have suffered." Hestia returned then, with a few guards. "Take the bishop to the prisons, please. The others, if they cooperate, should have any injuries tended to and more comfortable accommodations."
"Of course, Princess Riona," one of the guards replied, saluting to me. I recognized them, sort of. Not by name, but they were Mursili's sharp-eyed friend. "We will handle it."
"Thank you," I murmured. I resisted the urge to sigh, though. Seriously, not what I was expecting at all. "Oh, I've been meaning to say this to like… everyone, but there really is no reason to call me 'princess'. Just because I am Arvis's niece…"
"Oh, your highness, we don't call you by that title because of the Empire." They smiled mischievously. "We call you that because you are the love of our Prince Seliph."
"...Oh." I tried to play it off, but I could feel my face burn with a blush. It even went down my neck and up to my ears! "I see."
I desperately tried to pretend I had some sort of dignity as the guards rounded up everyone and escorted them off. But I might as well not bothered. Not only did the guards smile knowingly, but as soon as everyone was gone, Lene laughed at me. Full on laugh, too, with it echoing through the room!
"You can be so cute~!" Lene teased, once her laughter calmed. I could only scowl, even though I knew it wasn't effective in the slightest. "Ah, this was great! Almost as good as I was expecting!"
"Expecting?" I squeaked, seizing the potential change in conversation. I also looked for Hestia for another one, but she was sitting rather peacefully next to me. "You were expecting something?"
"Well, I was kind of hoping to see you snap a bit. It feels like you all forget you're human." She giggled, smiling, and I was struck by how similar the words were to what Ares had said. They suited each other well. "You're not just symbols. Symbols are pretty, but that's it. You actually get shit done, and work yourself to the bone to do so."
"...We do try to delegate?" I couldn't think of what else to say. It was similar enough to what Ares said that I felt shaken. "Ah, anyway, so there was a plague here, huh? Layla mentioned it too." And now that I thought of the description of the healer who saved her, it did match the pictures and stories of Claude. It also matched the ghost who had helped me get inside Darna. "You remember anything about it?"
"Not really." She shrugged and knelt down to pet Hestia. Hestia eagerly jumped on her and she laughed. "All I really remember is that it's when my mom abandoned me."
"I see." That really confirmed it then. She didn't remember. She didn't know. And her Mark had faded, surely, so that couldn't really be used. So, all I could think of was to keep quiet until a 'proper' adult could explain things. "Hey, you want to go to the market? This was far beyond what I was expecting, and I think the cheer there will make me feel better."
"How can I ever refuse such an invitation?" She winked, giggling. "I need to change, though. How do you get this fur off anyway?"
"I gave up ages ago." I yelped when Hestia decided to jump on me. "Hestia!"
It took a while to actually get to the market. Hestia demanded attention.
One of the first things the acolytes told Ares (who continued handling interrogations) was the location of Claude's grave. Though the soldiers had been inclined to leave Claude to rot where he died, the younger priests and acolytes had secretly retrieved and buried the body. So, that evening, when I finally had some free time, I gathered up some flowers and ribbons and visited. It only felt right, after all.
"Hello, Claude," I murmured, carefully setting the flowers on the grave. It was very humble, with barely any sort of markers, but it was well tended to. And the path between it and the cathedral was well worn, showing many had come to pay their respects. "You helped me get to Lene, didn't you? Thank you for that. Wonder if I surprised you with how big I was now." I felt awkward. This… this was the first time I'd visited the grave of one of Sigurd's army. I never got around to visiting Aunt Ayra or Uncle Lex in Isaach, after all. "I need to look up other folklore about ghosts because I seriously have seen far too many for me to be comfortable."
I fell silent then, fussing over the flowers and just… not sure what else to say or do. All I could think of how he was buried here in Darna, so far away from Edda. So far away from his home. And no one seemed to know what happened to Sylvia. Lene (unknowingly) had been the last to see her, and she apparently just disappeared. No signs, no hints. Nothing. It was like she had never existed, but I knew that wasn't true.
And then there was her other child. While we had learned she had a son (continuing the 'tradition' of all of Mom's friends having one boy and one girl), no one knew what had happened to him. And by this point, there wasn't even a name to use (likewise, no one remembered that 'Lene' was the name of Claude and Sylvia's daughter here either). It was just… I didn't know. I just didn't know what to do. And I knew I'd have to deliver the news to the others, and...
"Oh!" Tine's quiet gasp caught my ear, and I turned to see her carrying an armful of flowers. "I see we had the same idea," she whispered, hesitantly stepping forward. When I smiled, she sat down next to me and began arranging all the flowers, mine and hers. "Mother would often talk about a 'Father Claude'. I figured this had to be him."
"Yeah, it was," I murmured. If I remembered the stories correctly, the whole reason why Aunt Tailtiu got involved with this was because she had followed Claude. I wondered if Claude ever felt guilty over that. "They probably killed him because he knew the truth of what happened."
"As much as anyone did, I suppose." She looked around curiously. "No Hestia?"
"She's doing a patrol with Larcei." I shifted to sit down a little more properly and looked up at the sky. One thing I could say about the desert was that it had a spectacular view of the stars. Almost felt like a window to another world entirely. "Just in case someone is sneaking."
"And probably to do some hunting?"
"Of course." We both fell silent for a while, and I thought about what Lene had said. What Ares had said. And I could only sigh.
Which, of course, caught her attention. "What's wrong?"
"It's just… I've been horribly selfish, haven't I?" I couldn't even look at her. "Using mercy as a means of escaping my own fears and guilt."
"Guilt?"
"Over Iucharba and Ishtore. Over all those we kill." Ha… and I even told Oifeye that I wouldn't let Ishtore's death shake me. I am an idiot. "What-"
"I don't think that's a bad thing." She continued arranging the flowers. Belatedly, I remembered the ribbons I had brought and handed the over to her. She promptly used them to group the different flowers together. "It sounds horrible, but I'm glad you feel guilty over Ishtore? He was nice. I love him. So, even though it's mean, I'm happy you're not happy about it." She smiled bitterly. "Guess I'm a bad person, huh?"
"A bad person wouldn't balk at orders to hold children hostages."
"By that same logic, a bad person wouldn't agonize over those she's killed." Her smile softened a little. "This war is all crazy. It's everyone's good intentions colliding all over the place, shattering everything in the path. Everyone's visions of a 'perfect world' not quite matching, and so, things get broken as everyone tries to make the world as they want it."
"Yeah, that makes sense." I looked back up at the stars, scooting a little closer to her as the wind blew. Desert nights were cold. "I wish it didn't though."
"Same. It would be nice if everyone could be… I don't know… selfless? But, then again, people need to be. At least, that's what Conall and Ishtar always said." She laughed sadly, shaking her head. "'Only dolls aren't selfish'... that's something Ishtar told me, once. She said that Diadora told her that."
"Really?" Wonder why. "That's pretty interesting."
"I think it had something to do with Hilda." Now that wouldn't surprise me, actually. "Plus, you know, those two are being horribly selfish." She scowled a little, frustrated. "Trying to 'save' Julius instead of… um…"
"That is a good point." I chuckled. "And we're being selfish hoping we can save them."
"Yes, exactly." She relaxed and smiled at me briefly. "So, um… what was my point again…?"
"I don't know, but it makes sense."
"I'm glad it does to someone." She finished tying the ribbons and set up all the bouquets by the grave. "Anyway, I don't think it's bad, being selfish and all. Instead of fearing that, I think you need to fear going to the 'extremes'. I think that's what happened with Arvis."
"Oh?"
"Yeah…" She glanced at me before sitting back on her heels with her hands in her lap. "What do you know about… our… grandfather?"
"Our grandfather?" It took a long moment to remember who she was talking about. "Oh, Victor of Velthomer." It took a while. I'd never been interested in him. "I know he was a horrible person." A known womanizer with a myriad of mistresses… a known rapist who got away with it because of his rank… from my understanding, both Mother and Uncle Azel had been born from him forcing himself on their mothers. "Drunkard. Ignored his duties for his own pleasure. Complete hypocrite."
"Yeah, he's been a terrible shadow over Arvis all of his life. Stories about him have turned up in gossips again, ever since… well…" She shrugged and smiled bitterly. "They like to say things like 'blood ran true after all' and things."
"Oh, yikes…" Even if I hated Arvis, that was just… ow…
"Yeah. He never talked about him, though. About his father, I mean. But you could just… tell anyway. Whenever he talked about his past, or explained some policy, you could feel that weight of that shadow on his shoulders. Uncle Bloom said that when they were younger, you could also feel the weight of everyone's judgement. Which just… adds to it."
"...I can understand that." I mean; people loved my parents, but I knew the weight of having expectations based on your parents and heritage. I wasn't sure how much I liked understanding him more, though. "So, he became desperate to prove he was different and didn't recognize he was being set up for something just as bad, if not worse." In order to make it through this, we… we had to walk the middle road, didn't we? A true middle road, not the one we had been walking. "You think he might've also refused to step back because Cigyun ran and he didn't want to run from his 'problems' or something?"
"Maybe. I don't know about that, but he kind of put his mother on a pedestal, so to speak. Though conflicted over her leaving, she is 'perfect' to him. Same for Sunna and Sif."
"Who?"
"Alicia's mother, and Az… and Father's." So, my grandmother and… my step-grandmother? What would you call that relation? "Also Cigyun's best friend and Cigyun's favorite maid."
"Huh." I hadn't known that about my grandmother. I did know that Mom had complicated feelings about her, though. And purposely never talked about either parent unless she had to. That was about it, honestly. "Wonder if it played a role in a different way then. Wanting a 'perfect world' that they would've loved."
"Maybe. Hard to say." She shrugged. "It's not like I asked. I'm really only making guesses."
"Hey, I only had like… two conversations with him, one of which involved me screaming at him." Which I didn't feel bad about at all. I half felt… going with what Ares also said, I felt like it had been Arvis's way of encouraging me to not hide, to 'be human'. If so, that kind of pissed me off. But also… showed a bit of the person Mom had loved and trusted so much. "Ah, we should probably-"
"Oh, hey!" I had to say that I had not expected to see Patty running down the path for us. Especially not with her hair in such disarray. Like… so much of her hair was falling out of her braid that you honestly couldn't call it 'braided' anymore. "Um… sorry if I'm interrupting, but I deciphered those papers from the church and Bramsel's study!" she blurted. It took a second to remember that she had been breaking some codes. I'd been ao stuck in my own self-pity that I'd forgotten. "And I've been trying to find one of you guys, but Nanna is busy with some sick kids, Ares and Lene are in their room and like hell I am walking in on a couple during alone time, and-"
"I say sweets are needed if we're going to work," I replied, standing up. I brushed the dirt off my skirt and offered my hand to Tine. To my delight, she took it without hesitation, though she did pull herself up instead of letting me help. "So, break to bake and then we'll go over it, okay?"
"Oh, yay, I need the sugar." Patty grinned and looked to Tine. "What about you? You joining?"
"Mmm… yes, I think I will, if that's okay?" Tine whispered after a moment. She smiled shyly and ducked her head. "I might know names or locations…"
"Very true," I agreed, making sure to smile at her. Her own smile grew. "But seriously, we're baking first. What should we eat?"
It turned into a bit of a cooking lesson, since Tine didn't know how to bake and Patty and I were trading recipes. And we… ah… actually ended up baking a lot, to the point that we more or less had treats for everyone. Whoops?
We decided to not involve ourselves anymore with interrogations or trials, unless specifically asked. Ares took over, with Mursili assisting, and before long, they had bunches of information, conspirators, potential leads… and the people of Darna decided the punishments. The priests and acolytes got off lightly, because of their cooperation. The bishop, the mercenaries who refused to join, and some other conspirators, though? They were sentenced to death. Ares handled the executions.
"I never want to see a public execution again…" I whispered, looking up at the cloudless sky. After the executions were done, Darna returned to life as normal. I, however, felt so nauseous over it, and had gone to the wall to sit and let the wind wash over me. "Never…" Worse was that I probably would.
"Princess Riona, there you are." Mursili walked up the nearby staircase and joined me on the wall. "Are you okay?" he asked softly. "It doesn't normally take long to find you."
"I'm fine." The lie came easy, but I really wasn't. Even the most defiant of the executed had been terrified right before Ares cut off their heads. Some, like the bishop, had been sobbing and pleading for mercy until the last. I swore their fear remained in their eyes long after their heads hit the ground and rolled. "I just needed a bit of quiet."
"Because of the executions?"
"...Yeah." In theory, it shouldn't have been much different than ambushing soldiers during a battle, but… "You must think I'm ridiculous."
"Not at all, my lady." He shook his head, and his eyes were painfully sincere. "After all, it is your kindness that leads you to feel sympathy to all. Even folk like them."
"Well, that's kinder than what I was thinking." I looked over at him and smiled wryly. "Be honest with me. Have people here been annoyed at how involved I'd gotten? And how I insisted on mercy for so long?"
"...I will not deny that, my lady." He spoke slowly, and a bit hesitantly. But he continued when I didn't say anything. "There are some who thought you were looking down on us, even. That you believed us incapable of making our own decisions."
"I see." I hadn't thought of that. That was… the worst… "Did you?"
"No." It was surprising how strong that single word was. "No, because I knew it was, again, your kindness, but mixed with your own pain. You are keenly aware of how easily a hero can be written as a villain. Everyone knows the tragic tale of Sigurd the Holy Knight nowadays, but I am also old enough to remember the tales of the treacherous knight who plunged the continent into chaos."
"And how Arvis went from hero to villain in the space of five years."
"Precisely. You are very aware of this. Painfully so." He smiled kindly at me. "It's not necessarily a bad thing. It lets you pause and give people a chance. It means you do not blame children for a parent's crimes, nor do you believe anyone is inherently evil."
"But I take it too far."
"Sometimes, yes." It was all too easy to hear the 'here, you did' hidden in the words. "And those in pain can be annoyed by that."
"Of course." I closed my eyes and fought off a sigh. That really was the worst... "Surprised I didn't have people yelling at me. Did I come off as unwilling to listen?"
"No, my lady. Those that knew you simply… stepped in." He glanced away when I looked at him, and I realized in that moment that he'd been talking to people on my behalf. And I hadn't known at all. "Maliya nearly hit a few in the head, actually."
"I'm going to point out that neither you nor she owe me anything for saving Sandas."
"I promise you that is not why we defend you nor is it why we support you." He shrugged. "It helps, certainly. But it helps in that it gave us hope. Gave me hope. Those who believe in you, my lady, are glad to support and defend you. And that makes up most of the civilians here. It was not the Empire who saved us from Bramsel, after all. It wasn't the Empire who ran around like a madwoman during and after the battle, saving all that she could."
"That's…" I could only sigh. "I try too hard to be the person people think I am, don't I?"
"My lady, you are the person we think you are." Seriously, how could someone be so sincere? I didn't feel worthy of it at all. "You simply look too far ahead and try to change the opinions of those who have not met you."
"And I… really shouldn't, because it's not the rumors, but our actions that…" It was my guilt over Iucharba and Ishtore coloring everything. "The rumors might lead others to listen, but it's our actions that…"
"That gives us hope. After all, I didn't believe until you saved Sandas, a feat I swore was impossible." Yes, he had said that, to the soldiers carrying Lene. And that was how he had saved all of them. "You are too harsh on yourself. I am grateful that you find us worthy of saving, but you should let us put in the work too."
"I see…" I had literally never had someone say that to me before. And I didn't know how to react, so instead, I stood up and stretched. Defaulting to the smile because what else could I do? "Okay, enough moping. I…" And that's when I realized something. "Shit, where's Hestia?"
"I don't know." He sighed. "By the way, does Sandas's leopard get into as much trouble?"
"Not yet?"
"Joy."
Mursili helped me look for Hestia and, thankfully, she hadn't gotten into too much trouble or anything. She had just decided to try and charm some treats from the guards manning the walls (and succeeded with all but the last, since I arrived and pulled her away before they gave in to her cuteness). With my wolf secure, Mursili left to continue his duties, and I decided to wander the market. Not really to talk or anything, but to see how reconstruction was going. Curious about how strong the buildings were, and if they would hold.
However, while I was walking on the edges of the crowd, I noticed some people on the roof of a house, struggling to keep things steady and without thinking about it, I climbed up to assist. While at first they welcomed the extra pair of hands, when things were finally steady, they looked at me with such shock that I barely kept myself from squirming.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled. This was just great. Right after having that talk with Mursili, I… "I should've asked first…" I could only look away, mortified. And check to make sure Hestia was behaving on the ground. "I kind of just… um…"
"Whoever mends your clothes, my lady, is going to pitch a fit at you tearing a hole in your dress," one commented. They pointed to said hole for emphasis and I inspected it curiously. Though it was noticeable, it wasn't too large and it was along a seam, so... "Also, how did you get up here anyway?"
"I climbed?" How else was I supposed to answer that? "Ah, this is a quick fix anyway. I'll probably have it done in a few minutes."
"You, my lady?"
"Well, Larcei might badger me into letting her do it. Depends on how bored she is." They were giving me weird looks… "Something tells me that no one expected us to know how to do chores?"
"Well, you hear about how you divide the labor, but for something like mending…"
"Yeah, I used to think it a waste of time, since I was always tearing holes in my clothing because I was chasing after animals." Or running around hiding from soldiers. "Aideen got so mad at me that she sat me down with every piece of clothing we all owned and made me mend each one! My hands were so stiff by the end of it!"
"Seriously, my lady?"
"Oh, trust me, I could be a brat when I was little. Still can be, actually."
Slowly, I began telling them stories about growing up in Isaach, with a focus on just the everyday life we lived. I noticed many people gather around and listen and had to climb down at one point to keep some children from pulling Hestia's tail. Which led into other stories. And I wasn't the only one talking. When Larcei saw what I was doing, she chimed in, and soon, Nanna and Patty joined us. Tine didn't say anything, but she sat nearby to listen and she talked shyly with Ares as Lene launched into an impromptu performance which dazzled and amazed the crowd.
The smiles on everyone's faces… I wanted to remember them always. Because, ultimately, that was what I was fighting for. And I couldn't lose sight of that.
A few days after the executions, we left Darna, along with what felt like half the city. People volunteering to fight, people volunteering to help with the day-to-day running of an army… we had a lot of volunteers. It was enough to make me smile and that was good. One really should be smiling when they returned home, after all.
"Lady Riona!" Especially when the first ones to rush and greet me were Sandas and Anat, though neither carried their leopards. Instead, Mursi and Neith rushed after them happily and twined about their legs before nuzzling against my shins. "Welcome back!" Anat laughed, clinging to my hand. Sandas stepped back, but he bounced from excitement. "You saved Darna!"
"With quite a bit of help," I confirmed, feeling weeks of tension just melt away. Hard to be anything but relaxed when faced with such happy smiles. "See? We brought more friends."
"Yay! More soldiers to play with!"
"That's Mursili!" Sandas gasped just seconds after, his bouncing letting him see Mursili amidst the crowd. "Mursili! Hi!" He darted forward, stopped, and rushed back to grab Anat's hand. "I'll introduce you!" And away they went, dashing through the crowd with Mursi and Neith following faithfully while also batting at every dangling thing in their path.
I laughed and thought about following, just to see the no-doubt endearing scene, but I soon had the other children rushing forward to greet me. And not just the ones from the shrine. The other refugee children also shyly stepped up for hugs and smiles. I was a bit surprised, especially when I saw some of the older children join in, but I soon realized why they were. Inanna encouraged them.
"They kept saying that you were too busy to be bothered, and I kept insisting that they'd brighten up your day," she told me when the others cleared and she had me to herself. She carried her leopard, and that let me see that said leopard was getting big. Probably why Sandas and Anat stopping carrying theirs. "I was right, right?"
"Of course you were," I teased, hugging her. She laughed, beaming. "What has you in a good mood?"
"You're back! Welcome home, by the way." She grinned now. "I picked out a name while you were away!"
"For… oh, for your leopard!" Had a brief moment of panic there, not going to lie. "So?"
"Eresh."
"A marvelous name for a marvelous kitty." I scratched Eresh behind the ear, and was rewarded with a lick. "How have things been?"
"Quiet, mostly. Bit anticlimactic over here where everyone was prepping for an ambush, only for Lady Fee to inform us that you all handled everything."
"With help?" Oh, I wasn't looking forward to everyone hearing the whole story there. "You know… I expected to get ambushed by Ulster or someone by now."
"They're busy. You're much earlier than expected."
"I see." Strange… I didn't think we had made particularly good time on the road. "In that case…" I thought about walking around through the crowd, but that was when I noticed two people very noticeably trying to get as far away from people as possible. Lene and Ares, both looking a little overwhelmed. And why wouldn't they? The place was practically flooded with the crowd! "I'm going to help two new ones settle in."
"Got it! I'll let people know!" And she rushed off into the crowd, pushing her way through.
I spent a moment watching, marveling at how at ease she felt with the army now, and then picked my way over to Lene and Ares. "Sorry, I guess we forgot to warn you about a potential crowd," I commented, smiling sheepishly. I was surprised that Hestia wasn't near, but then I saw she had firmly attached herself to Tine as Tine tried to escape the crush of the crowd. She definitely needed Hestia more than these two. "I'm sure it'll be a bit longer before rooms are available, but would you like to see Layla?"
The answer was, of course, yes and thankfully, once you got out of the courtyard, things actually quieted down and the infirmary itself was calm. Even more thankfully, Lana was on duty, so I got to hug her! Though I did wish Sara was also working so that I could tell her directly that we had succeeded. I'd find her later. Hugs from Lana took priority.
"Welcome home!" Lana cheered, smiling brightly at me as she stepped back. It dimmed slightly when she saw Lene and Ares, but that was only to switch to her 'healer mask'. "Ah, hello. Who might you two…?" She paused and leaned forward a bit to study Ares. I rested my hands on her shoulders to help her keep balanced. "You've got just enough similarities to Diarmuid and Lachesis that I assume you're Ares. Am I correct?" She grinned when Ares nodded. "Welcome to Melgen, Ares. And you must be Lene, so welcome as well. I assume you're both here to see Layla? Lachesis is in the market with Finn, so she's the only one here you two know."
"Is she okay?" Lene asked hesitantly. She held herself a little stiffly, curling into herself. Ares held her hand to reassure her. "I mean… um…"
"I won't deny that she's badly hurt, but it's nothing that we can't fix. Her recovery will be long and will likely require some physical therapy, but she'll make a full one." Lana smiled reassuringly and started for the back. "One second, okay?" She quickly headed for the back, where the long-term patients had sections curtained off for some semblance of privacy, and just as quickly returned. "All right, she's up for visitors, so follow me. But fair warning, we have her feet unbandaged at the moment, so…"
"Won't that delay healing? It dries things out and…" Lene's face turned a mottled red and she ducked her head. Ares rubbed her back reassuringly. "Oh, listen to me, lecturing a healer about healing."
"I don't mind and you're right. Typically, you want to keep the wounds covered to encourage healing. Less necrosis, less inflammation… all good stuff." Lana continued smiling, though I saw the tiredness in it now. "However, you caught me in the middle of changing the bandages."
"Oh. Right. That makes sense." Lene whimpered. "I'm sorry…"
"Hey, you weren't screaming about how I'm too young to know what I'm doing like some others. You're fine." Lana chuckled, and waved off my concerned look. "Anyway, come on. We made sure she was by a window." Lana led the way to the back and pushed aside one of the curtains. There Layla rested, and she smiled at all of us, relief making her smile brighter than anything.
"Layla!" Lene rushed over to Layla's side and hugged her tightly, sitting on the bed. Layla, for her part, clung desperately to Lene. "Oh, Layla, why would you do something like this?" Lene asked, pulling away and looking at Layla's feet. And they didn't look much better than they did before we left. Though at least they did look like feet? "Seriously…"
"Much preferable compared to just waiting around knowing you and Ares were in danger," Layla replied without a single hesitation. She turned her attention to, and waved him closer so that she could hug him. "Besides, I'm being spoilt rotten here."
"Yeah, and you mangled your feet."
"But you two are safe and smiling and here, so I definitely won. Besides…" Layla reached for the nightstand by th ebd and pulled over a book. A sketchbook, actually, one that was nearly full. "I get to sketch again!"
"You mentioned to me once that you used to sketch," Ares murmured, leaning against the bed so that he could see the sketches better. Lene moved to Layla's feet and, when Lana returned with the bandages, began bandaging them herself. Lana watched for a moment before nodding and leaving. "You're quite good."
"Thank you, since I'm out of practice," Layla giggled. Her smile was warm and lit up her entire expression. "Prince Seliph actually bought them for me, if you can believe it. While I was dopey from pain medication, I mentioned it while he was here checking on patients and he came by later that evening with some that the merchants recommended. Refuses to tell me how much it was."
"Really now?"
"Yes, he's quite kind. I think you'll like him, Ares." Layla flipped through her sketchbook, looking for something, and thus missed the awkward look Ares gave Lene. Lene raised a brow and looked a little smug in return before focusing back on bandaging. "Ah, here's my most recent…"
Lana and I left the trio alone at that point, making sure the curtain was closed, and headed back for the front of the infirmary. "Hey, you doing okay?" I asked her softly, gently touching her cheek. She leaned into my hand and closed her eyes. "Inanna told me things were quiet. Were they really?"
"No, they were," she reassured. She opened her eyes and smiled tiredly at me. "Yuria got sick, though, so…"
"Oh no! How is she?"
"She's doing much better, just needs a few more days of rest. No going to see her just yet, though." Now Lana winked. "You see… I sent Diarmuid over not long ago with some medicine and soup."
"Uh-huh..." I gave her a look and she nodded, catching the silent question. I sighed in relief that he had talked to them about it. "I should have another talk with him soon. See how he's doing."
"And a talk with Yuria as well?"
"Oh, she's told you? Good."
"Yep, she has and she plans on talking to Larcei and Patty before talking to Lachesis if she's still confused." She stuck her tongue out at me. "Man, I was hoping to catch you off-guard with that one. How do you get to hear all the secrets first?"
"I do not!" I pretended to be insulted and got a laugh in return. "More seriously, I really don't. But I am very nosy and I walk around a lot. And I have Hestia, who's even nosier than me."
"Speaking of her, where is the fluffy cutie? I need Hestia hugs."
"Keeping Tine from panicking at the crowd that greeted us." Speaking of which… "I should probably head back and make sure no one got crushed. Got some priests and acolytes with the group, along with more soldiers and people willing to help."
"Really?!" Lana cheered and hugged me. "Yay~! I love you!"
"Love you too." I noticed the curtains move in the back and was surprised to see Ares stepping out from Layla's section and heading for us. "Ares, are you leaving? I would've thought…"
"I've said what I wanted to say for now," he explained with a shrug. Lana gave me another hug before leaving to check on the other patients. "She and Lene need their own time without worrying about me." He sighed then, and ran a hand through his hair. "I need to pay her back…"
"...She told me that you gave Lene back her smile, so I think in her view, she owed you." I smiled at him, and he looked a little startled. "I think you two need to have a private talk as well."
"Clearly so. But Lene takes priority."
"Of course." I headed for the door and Ares followed me out, looking around curiously. "I need to head back to the courtyard, but we can see if Oifeye or Shanan is available? You probably don't remember either, of course, but…"
"There's my sunshine!" That was when Seliph caught me by the waist and pulled me back into a hug to kiss my cheek. "Welcome back," he greeted, smiling softly. "Surprised you're not in the crowd."
"I was showing Ares and Lene where the infirmary was, so that they could see Layla," I explained, kissing him. Then I stepped back and gestured to Ares. "Speaking of whom… wait, is that grammatically correct?"
"Hell if I know, and I can hear Deimne scolding us for not knowing or caring." Seliph stared at Ares for a moment before catching on to what I'd been about to say. "Oh! Hello, Ares! I'm so glad to… well, I suppose it's 'see you again', though I was barely a few months old, according to Oifeye." He smiled warmly, and Ares… well, he managed a smile, but I could tell it was awkward. And I knew Seliph saw it too. "Ah, but here, Lachesis and Finn just returned from the market. Why don't I show you where they are? Riona still has to greet people."
"And here I was coming to give you a warning that people were looking for her!" Leif jogged over, laughing. He waved when Ares frowned at him. "I'm Leif," he introduced. "We knew each other in Leonster."
"You're also the one with a crush on Nanna, or so Larcei mentioned," Ares replied. Leif immediately went red, and Seliph quickly muffled a laugh. "Strange, you remind me of a friend of mine. Mostly the eyes."
"Really? That's weird." He shrugged. "Anyway, seriously, I think we might have a mob heading our way."
Carefully, Seliph and Leif led Ares away, with Seliph making sure Leif was between him and Ares. I watched them leave, smiling softly and… well, for a split-second, I thought I saw three ghosts standing near… three ghosts that looked so much like Seliph, Leif, and Ares, all smiling so softly. But I blinked and then there was nothing, so perhaps it was just my imagination. And it didn't really matter, because I soon saw Shanan walking towards me, so I skipped over to hug him.
"I hope the three of them can become friends," he murmured, hugging me back. He then turned his attention to the trio as they disappeared around a corner. "I know their fathers would've wanted that."
"Well, Seliph and Leif are already friends," I pointed out. But I couldn't help but think about Altena and how she should've been in that group too. "Ares will be… well, I think his only reference for everything that happened comes from songs, rumors, and his own memories?"
"We discussed that possibility while you were away, and all agreed to leave it entirely to Lachesis and Finn." He gestured for me to follow him to a window nearby and I did so curiously. And smiled because it gave a perfect view of a quiet side garden… and where Aunt Lachesis and Uncle Finn were. Seliph and Leif led Ares there before long, and I swore I saw tears in Ares's eyes as he rushed over to hug Aunt Lachesis and Uncle Finn. They, of course, hugged him back just as tightly. "What about Lene?"
"Lene doesn't remember her parents. I'll give you all the full story, as I know it, later, but the short version is that Imperials found Claude and Sylvia and… well, Claude died and Sylvia left Lene at a church before disappearing." I would… tell the adults about the second child later. I didn't want to repeat that often, especially since we had no idea… "Her Holy Mark also faded for her own protection, so…"
"I see." Shanan closed his eyes, thinking. I continued to watch Ares interact with Aunt Lachesis and Uncle Finn, barely noticing that Leif and Seliph had left to give them privacy. Ares continued clinging to them both with hands that shook, but Uncle Finn supported his back while Aunt Lachesis held onto Ares's hand. Only Uncle Finn wasn't crying, but his smile was warm and bright. "In that case, we'll definitely wait for her to settle in before deciding how to go about that."
"Yeah, definitely leaving that to you all." And I needed a subject change, so I thought of one quickly. "Oh, by the way, Darna had a market for animals, so we brought the four still there back with us."
"I see… wait, what?"
"Actually, I should make sure everything is okay there, huh?" I sighed, annoyed that I had forgotten and pointedly ignoring Shanan's gawking. "So, let's figure out the best way to-"
"RIONA!" And there was Oifeye, stomping down the hall towards us. I was certainly popular today, huh? "Riona, why are there so many animals?" he demanded. He yelped as a young cheetah climbed all the way up from the ground to his shoulder. "And why are they all here?!"
"Well, what are we supposed to do? Not only do we have babies, but a lot of them aren't even local animals!" I protested, rushing over. I plucked the cheetah from his shoulder and cuddled them, giggling at how fluffy they were. "Can you imagine what it would do to the ecosystem around here? And we couldn't leave them in Darna! They barely have enough to feed themselves!"
"But so many?!"
"It's not that many!" I scowled. It was only four! "Besides, they were in cages, Oifeye. Cages! Cramped little cages at that! I'm not the one who kidnapped them, you know!" I held up the cheetah. "Besides, look at this poor adorable baby! We couldn't abandon them!" And then the cheetah did something I didn't know cheetahs could do. Chirp almost like a bird. "Holy wow, is that a good sound?" It was followed by a purr. "Yay! Good sound!"
"Riona, we're an army, not a menagerie!"
"They are not up for exhibition!"
That was the point when Shanan decided to just burst into laughter, and Oifeye started scolding him while I quietly fumed… before Oifeye and I joined in on the laughter because it was just very silly. Even if I refused to give on it.
"Hestia, seriously, you need to stay by me," I chided, grabbing her fur to keep her close. Hestia looked up at me all innocently, tongue lolling out and tail wagging. "Yes, you're cute. But you tripping the guards earlier means you're still in trouble." She barked and pressed herself into my leg. "So, no running off."
She tilted her head like she was considering being defiant, but she barked again and stayed close. Scratching her head in thanks, I flipped through my papers, skimming through to make sure everything made sense. Most of this were things that the refugees needed (or wanted) to help their lives be a little more comfortable, as well as requests for more work. I already assigned quite a few to laundry and the kitchens, because there was always something to do when it came to that, but I needed help with others. Plus there was also worries of what to do if we got more. Which was a possibility.
"Honestly, at this rate, we need to take Alster just to have room for everyone." I sighed and Hestia licked my hand before pressing herself into me again, this time to comfort me. "It's okay, Hestia. I'm just fretting." She just kept on pressing, almost knocking me over. "Okay, now you are just being silly, you adorable brat. Come on, let's-"
"Ah, Ares, there you are!" Distantly, I heard Aunt Lachesis and, me being nosy, I immediately headed for her because I wanted to see her and Ares interact. Hestia, of course, followed because she was just as nosy. "Whoa…!" Of course, she yelped and I almost dashed to see what happened, but instead, I ducked behind a statue with Hestia because Ares had caught her. "Thank you," she laughed, steadying herself again. Her complexion was a little gray. Actually, it was 'a lot' gray. "Goodness, you're tall. As tall as Eldie, easily."
"Lene complains that it makes it hard to surprise me," Ares replied, smiling slightly. He then went back to a stoic frown. "Are you okay? You look tired."
"I just got done with some physical therapy. I'll lay down in a moment, but I wanted to make sure I gave this to you before I forgot." She handed him a folded piece of paper, one that was a little battered on the edges and had a couple of dirt stains on it. "This is yours."
"It is?" Ares took it and eyed it skeptically. "What is it?"
"A letter from Eldie." ...I swore even the air froze at that. I knew Ares definitely did. "He… oh, read it first. I shouldn't really say anything."
"You've been holding onto…?" Ares carefully tucked the letter into his pocket. "How?"
"Finn is very organized, and made sure Nanna left Leonster with it." Aunt Lachesis smiled, but it was a smile filled with old pain. "Oh, wait, are you asking how one got to me? He gave it to Alicia and she passed it on to me after his death."
"Okay, and Alicia is… who again?"
"Riona's mother, and the one who saved your life when you got shot by a poisoned arrow. And got you your stuffed bear." Aunt Lachesis giggled. "You were obsessed with her hair. You grabbed it every single time."
"I… don't remember that." Ares looked away awkwardly, and Aunt Lachesis's cheer faded for sadness. "I mean… I remember the one who gave me my bear was a woman with long red hair and a kind, gentle smile."
"Yep, that's her. Here…" She took his arm and he automatically shifted so that she could lean on him. "Help me to my room? I'll tell you a little more about her on the way."
"Are you sure you don't need me to carry you?"
"Let your poor aunt pretend to have some dignity, Ares."
The two walked off then, bantering about this and that. Despite the warm and fuzzy feeling in my chest, I made sure to stay where I was before continuing on, to lessen the chances of accidentally eavesdropping more. No need for that, especially since I did have a specific destination: Oifeye's office. And when we finally arrived, Hestia, as per usual, opened the door by herself and jumped on him. Because she could.
"Hestia, you're not a puppy!" Oifeye yelped, trying and failing to fend off affectionate Hestia. Whose tail was wagging so much that she actually knocked papers over. "Why are you here? I've eaten; I promise!"
"Sadly, this is work, not me nagging," I explained, closing the door behind me and leaning against it. I made no move to help him with Hestia. "Just get out of the chair. It's not like you're not covered in wolf slobber already."
"Ugh…!" Still, he did as I said and submitted to Hestia kisses. "Work, you said?"
"I wanted your opinion on some things. And to give a report."
"A report?" He managed to tuck Hestia under his chin to focus on me. And looked very undignified with his hair messed up, but I'd pretend otherwise for his pride. "On what?"
"Seems like the animals are really cheering up the patients and the children." I felt very smug, and he gave me a look. "Yes, there are some bitey-bites, but people get me and I handle that. If Inanna doesn't take over since she's had to do the same with Eresh. Seriously, the children love them and there's this one lion cub that I think is growing attached to Ares and it's so cute~!"
"We still can't take every animal, you know."
"I don't want to do that. I'd prefer it if they were with their mamas and papas." Gods knew I wanted to see Mom and Dad. "But, well…" I shrugged, and shook my head as I sat down next to him. The thought of my parents made me think of what all had been said those last days in Darna. But I had a job, so… "Regardless, I wanted to ask-"
"Riona, have you been okay?" He frowned at me and pushed Hestia down so that he could lean over and touch my cheek. "I can't pinpoint anything specifically telling me that something is wrong, yet I can't shake the feeling anyway."
"I…" I hesitated. Not because I didn't want to say anything, but because I wasn't sure how to word things. Oifeye sat back down and waited for me. "Hey, Oifeye?"
"Yes?"
"When did everyone start expecting us to save them?" Perhaps that was the best way to start. Because the words that shook me… they all seemed to conflict with that 'truth'. People died for us, because they expected us to save them.
"Ah." Oifeye closed his eyes and his entire demeanor just… wilted. Hestia whined and nosed him to try and cheer him up, but it didn't work. "Aideen and I… we did our best to try and keep that pressure off of you all. Shanan, in his way, did his best to shield you, by taking the burden himself. But I knew…" He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I knew when you all grew used to people dying for you, grew used to the smell of death and blood, that we didn't succeed. Couldn't succeed. Still tried, though."
"When did you know that?"
"It was…" He sighed and absently petted Hestia. "Well, death has always followed us."
"Yeah, I know that." That was just a constant. Always had been. "Back during the civil war in Silesse, Seliph and I almost died to pegasus knights." Shanan had a few scars from it that never seemed to fade, just like the huge scar on his back from when he protected Seliph from Deirdre's kidnapper. "And then after the Belhalla Massacre…"
"Yes, and within that first year, I lost track of the number of times we had to flee, leaving others to die to buy us time. And sometimes, the soldiers came too quickly."
"Right…" That was what happened when Conall was kidnapped. "So, was it during one of those flights?"
"Yes, you almost died." He closed his eyes, his hands shaking as he continued to pet Hestia. I just listened, unsurprised to hear I had almost died. I knew it had happened too many times to count before I could even remember. "I can still remember that soldier holding their blade high above their head. I remember how all sound faded away. All colors disappeared. Just that soldier about to kill you, and no one close enough to save you."
"Must've been terrifying."
"The worst part… well, the worst part since you survived, that is…" He paused, collecting his thoughts. "You weren't afraid."
"Hmm?"
"I could tell. You were looking death in the face. You knew you were. I could tell you understood. And you weren't afraid." He opened his eyes and smiled so sadly, so painfully, that my heart keened. "You were a toddler, barely three years old, and you weren't afraid of death."
"I see." That didn't surprise me either. "How did I survive?"
"They hesitated and that bought Shanan the second he had needed." That made sense. Shanan would've been running as fast as possible even if it seemed too late. "But when that happened, I knew there was no way we would be able to keep that pressure off of you all. Not entirely. All we could do was try to give you the tools to not crack under the weight." He smiled wryly. "Not enough, it seems. What makes you ask that?"
"I… well…" Back to trying to gather words. It sucked trying to make thoughts coherent. "I just had a few people openly worry about me. About all of us, really. How we seem to run from being human… don't always recognize that we're more than symbols…" Plus there was just what Mursili said. It still was so different… "But, is it okay?" That… that was the crux of it all. I could hear it from a million people… "Is it really okay? For us to be selfish, be hypocritical, be… I don't even know…" But I needed, needed to hear it from...
"Yes." Oifeye shoved Hestia into my lap and sat next to me to stroke my hair. "Yes, Riona, it's okay. It always has been, and always will be. Cry, scream, laugh… whatever you want to do, do it." He smiled slightly. "Well, I would like it if you stopped climbing so high. Or my heart would, at least."
"But you make such funny noises…"
It was a weak attempt to change the subject, but Oifeye's next attempts were stronger and it took a while before I finally got around to asking those questions I had about the refugees and all. Because… because I had needed to just be… me for a moment. Me, getting comfort from Oifeye. Like we were back in Tirnanog.
I missed everyone there. I hoped they were okay.
"You're putting too much weight in your heel," Shanan scolded, swinging his practice sword. I tried to adjust before he connected, but failed, so I ended up falling straight on my back, with the blunted 'point' in my face. "Yield."
"Never," I replied before spinning around to sweep his legs out from under him. He jumped over my legs, but it gave me time to scramble up with practice blade in hand. Or… well… it did until my leg decided to protest. Vehemently. And painfully. "Ow, ow, ow…!"
"Riona!" Shanan dropped the 'stern teacher' act immediately to support me, and help me limp over to the side. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I think my leg just cramped…" Slowly, I extended it, whimpering in pain. "Yep… definitely a cramp.."
"It's because you spend too much time at a desk." Shanan pulled my leg into his lap and began massaging it for me, letting me just rest. "Larcei cramped up badly yesterday too." I wondered if he'd rubbed her leg, because there were so many ways to tease her for that. "I think Diarmuid sprained his shoulder yesterday as well. Seriously, all of you spend too much time working and not enough time moving."
"But there's always stuff to do!" I sulked for a moment before wincing when he found a knot. My legs were in worse shape than I thought. "But I guess that's why my back has been hurting too. I just thought it was my boobs causing problems like usual."
"No, it's your back protesting sitting. You're not made for it. Especially you, miss 'jump into muddy puddles to chase after dogs'."
"I haven't done that since I was little!" I scowled before shrugging. After all, he was right. I didn't used to sit around so much. Probably why I walked around talking to people. "Anyway, aren't leaders supposed to always be busy? You were, back in Isaach."
"I was busy because I was constantly going on missions. I felt that sort of leadership worked best for the smaller force I led." He smiled sadly, eyes distant now. "But for an army, you should move a bit more. Balance."
"You think so?"
"Well, Sigurd, Jamke, and Lewyn did, when I asked them about it." His smile became pained now. "I talked to them a lot about leadership, that last year. Because at the time, we were all just so sure…"
"Ah." I hadn't known he had talked to them about leading. Really highlighted how different his life was compared to how he thought it would be. Arvis's 'better world' hadn't been better for him, just like the rest of us. And that thought reminded me, again, of those talks. They just weighed so heavily on me… "Hey, Shanan?" I drew my other leg up so that I could rest my arms on my knee. "Do you… have we been too merciful?"
"I don't know." He shook his head, more focused on easing the pain in my leg. "I have my fears, yes, but I know those fears are born from the terror that you will end up sharing the same fate as Sigurd." He shifted my leg off his lap and moved to sit beside me. "But what do you think, Riona?"
"I don't know. That's why I'm asking."
"Then how about a different question?" He made sure to look me right in the eye. I had a feeling this is something he had been wanting to ask us for a while. "Do you feel like you're saving people because it's expected of you?"
"I…" I closed my eyes and thought. I thought for a long time before an answer settled comfortably in my heart. "No, I save them because I want to."
"Oh?"
"Yes." I was at least certain of that. "People are… messy. They do bad things for good reasons. Good things for bad reasons. Swallow their morals for duty or survival or both. People are selfish and mean, and all too easily turn on perceived enemies. And yet…" I couldn't help but smile. "Yet they are also really wonderful, aren't they? How in times of danger, people will help complete strangers, just because they can. How quickly they can bond. How they strive to support each other. So, I mean…"
"You want to save them because we're all beautiful messes."
"That's right. We are." My smile faltered, though, as I thought about all the recent trouble. "I think, though, that the expectations people had and my own traumas… I think they turned that want into something darker. An obsession." Just as Ares had said, and Mursili. "And being obsessed isn't a good thing."
"Obsession blinds you a lot, yes."
"Like being obsessed with protecting children who have grown up just a little?" I smirked and he held up his hands in 'surrender', accepting the bard. "Shanan, when did you last take a break anyway?" I poked his cheek, and poked him a few more times when he didn't answer. When there was still no answer, I decided to be mischievous. "Hey, why not take Larcei out to the market? I know she's overworking too, and I'm sure she'll like it."
"You think so?" He became thoughtful before nodding. "Well, I've been meaning to get her new gauntlets. Her current ones are falling apart."
"Make sure they're pretty and functional." I grinned at him. "You have to look good when you're decapitating people, you know."
"But of course. That's why I forgo helmets and leave my hair loose. It catches the wind so dramatically."
"It does!"
We joked around a little more, and then he left to take Larcei out. I waited until he was out of sight to giggle and skip a bit, already imagining Larcei's reaction. Then I headed inside and decided to take some shortcuts to avoid people and get to my room as soon as possible. I desperately needed a good soak. With some of those bath oils Muirne scent… oh, that just sounded heavenly. Just what I needed and maybe it was a bit luxurious, but… well…
"Ares, for heaven's sake, that is the twelfth time you've picked that damn thing up and put it down!" And that was Lene, being angry at Ares. Since I was near their room, and a fretting busybody, I promptly headed over and peered inside through the open door. "You're being even more indecisive than I am with jewelry for performances," she continued. Paired with her expression, it was clear she was more annoyed than angry. She did have her hands on her hands on her hips, though, and scowled. Amusingly, Ares seemed suitably cowed, despite being twice her size. "Seriously!"
"I… it's not easy?" Ares protested, holding something up. It took me a moment to realize it was the letter I'd seen Aunt Lachesis give him. "I mean… this is something my father wrote. I've never had anything of his before. Unless you count Mystletainn."
"I know; that's why it's taken you forever to pull it out of the desk." She sighed and held out her hand. "Here, how about I read it aloud? Think that might make it easier? You obviously want to know, but you're also scared."
"That…" Ares closed his eyes to think before nodding and passing it over. "Yes, let's… try that. Because, as always, you're right. You ever want to try being wrong for a change?"
"I was really wrong about you before, remember? This is just making up for it." She sat down on the bed and carefully unfolded the letter before patting the space next to her. "Here, sit with me." Ares sighed and did that, resting his head on her shoulder. "Okay… oh, the greeting is so sweet…"
'My beloved son… I wonder how old you are when you read this. Are you still a little boy, getting into all sorts of scraps? Are you a young man, studying to be a knight? It's easy to imagine you as both, though I fear I will not live to see either. And, if you're reading this, then my fears were correct. I wonder what you have heard about my death. Knowing Sigurd, he has said it is all his fault. Which could not be further from the truth.'
Lene paused when Ares winced. "Do you want me to keep going?" Ares nodded, not saying anything. "Okay." She took his hand. "Where was I?"
'Though, even if it was his fault, I would not mind. I don't know if anyone has told you, but Sigurd was my first friend. I was a shy child, which was made worse by the isolation that tends to follow us of Holy Blood, but Sigurd saw how lonely I was and reached out, for which I am forever grateful. I'm glad you, however, bond so quickly with people without the need for someone to reach out. I'm sure you have many friends. I hope they're as good of friends to you as Sigurd and Quan are to me.'
Again, Lene paused. Ares's hands were trembling, even the one she held. "Still good?" Ares nodded. "Okay."
'There's a thousand things I want to say, but it's difficult to parse. I suppose the first thing I should write is an apology. I am leaving you, after all, and no doubt you have complicated feelings over that. Worse, I'm choosing this death. In the morning, I will go to Chagall and try to convince him to stand down yet again and I know it is likely he will have me executed for it. So, I'm sure the question you're wondering right now is… why? Why would I choose this?'
"Wow, even as a toddler, he knew you well." Lene rested her cheek against Ares's hair. "You want to stop?" Ares shook his head. "Right then."
'There are many answers to this, but they all ultimately lead to one. I made many promises, swore many oaths, and they came into conflict. So, I have to pick the ones I know I would most regret breaking. And, believe it or not, it's not my knightly oath. No, instead, it is two separate oaths. One is my oath to defend Nordion. The other is the oath I made to Sigurd and Quan. We made a promise to always aid one another when we were younger, and I refuse to falter from that, even though my life is at risk. Sigurd and Quan are my dearest friends. Though I would love to live for them, dying for them is just as easy.'
"You still holding up?" Lene kissed Ares's head and he nodded. "There's not much left."
'My sole regret is leaving you, Ares. I'm not too afraid of your future. Though Agustria falls, I know you will be safe. Grahnye, Lachesis, Sigurd, Quan, Ethlyn… I could probably fill a book with everyone who will watch out for you. But I won't be able to see you grow up into the fine young man I know you will be. I won't be able to take you out for another ride through the countryside. I won't be able to teach you or help you. But I'll be watching over you. Because you are my son, and I love you very much. I am blessed to have been your father, and I hope that in a different life, a better life, I might have that honor again.
Know that I am always proud of you, my son, and that I will always, always love you.'
"It's signed with 'your father, Eldigan'." Lene set the letter to the side and gathered Ares in her arms to hold him close. At this point, I saw he was crying and I honestly wondered how long he had been. "I'm here, Ares. You just let it out, okay? I'm right here."
I made sure to leave then, not wanting to risk either of them learning I was there. As I headed down the hall, though, I made a little detour to the infirmary to ask Lana if she'd make everyone warm milk with honey while I took a bath. Because it was such a comforting thing, and all of us probably needed it anyway, so I could hide it. Or something. It made total sense to me, at the time.
Melgen's castle was much easier to climb when you weren't climbing during a thunderstorm. It made sense, of course, and this was by no means the first time I had scaled the walls since we captured Melgen, but there was just something almost relaxing about the comparison. Probably because sunny skies were so much better than storms. I hated storms. I really did hope I never had to fight in another one. But that was neither here nor there. My original plan for climbing had been to sneak in some reading time, because despite my climbing being well known, few actually looked up on the roof for me. So, I was very surprised to see that someone had actually beaten me to the roof: Uncle Finn.
"Now that right there is something Alicia would've had a heart attack over," he joked when he saw me pull myself up. He even grinned, though there was something sad to it. I guessed he was easily imagining her reaction. "Much more than the animals you adopted."
"Did I adopt them or did they adopt us?" I countered, pouting a little. Mostly just for fun, though. I was honestly relieved that the four new ones settled in well, thriving from all the affection they were getting. And worried about how things would change as they got bigger, but that was for the future. "Was Mom afraid of heights or something?"
"Alicia did her best to be the calm and reliable one, because it was a role she liked and felt was the best way she could support us, but the second she thought you or Conall were in danger, she would panic."
"I see…" That made me strangely happy. I often heard stories about how Mom could hold onto her calm through just about everything. But I was glad she loved Conall and me so much that she couldn't. "Well, I climbed up because I really wanted to do some reading. What brings you up here? You and Aunt Lachesis normally relax in your room in the early hours." And it was early. Lester had just left with Hestia and the other hunters.
"Typically, yes, but Ares asked if she and he could talk about Lord Eldigan, the letter, and his death." He shrugged, and I could only wince, remembering what I had overheard. "I figured that was a conversation best suited to the two of them. If he wishes to ask me, he can do so later."
"That makes sense…" And I needed a subject change, so I desperately tried to come up with something. And noticed where he was standing in relation to the sun. "Were you looking at Alster, then?" I skipped over to his side and looked out as well. "Worried?"
"I always worry. I was taught how to worry by the best fretters in the world, after all." He smiled slightly and I had to chuckle. "Oifeye learned from them too."
"That tells me all I need to know right there." That was right… Uncle Finn had been fighting… actually, as a Leonster Knight (and squire), he would've been fighting even before joining with Sigurd. He would've been killing people since he was fourteen or fifteen. Which meant he might... "Hey, Uncle Finn, do you mind if I ask you something?"
"Does it have something to do with you fretting over your potential obsession with saving people?" He chuckled when I gaped at him. "Oifeye rambles when he's worried. Actually how we met, because he was rambling about potential strategies."
"Oh." Well, that was embarrassing. "It does, but it's a different sort of question."
"Ask away, then."
"How do you deal with the fact that you kill good people in wars?"
"That's not the question you want to ask." The words were blunt, but his expression was kind and sympathetic. "You already know what you have to do. Either you harden your heart or cry and keep on going. They may be silent tears or physical, but tears are tears." He ruffled my hair, even as I ducked my head in embarrassment. "So, perhaps you should ramble instead of trying to force the words into a sentence."
"...I'm terrified of being like Arvis. So terrified that I think it feeds into… even more than I thought." I spoke slowly, wondering if I needed to elaborate on why that was. But his eyes were understanding. "And there's the whole 'going from one extreme to the other' thing that worries me, especially now that I am aware…" I bit my lip, desperately trying to think of the words I wanted. "But the guilt over Iucharba's death and Ishtore's is so overwhelming… I think and think, but my thinking is what put me on that potential path in the first place, so I…" And I was terrified, because I knew that even if I somehow convinced people, it wouldn't erase the deaths that already occured. "How do you deal with the guilt when you don't… when you're still learning it's okay to cry?"
"Why would you think it wasn't?"
"Because so many were hurt or worse protecting us… and they didn't want or need my tears. They needed my smile…" My voice cracked, though my eyes didn't burn or anything. But my heart keened, especially as I remembered the day Creidne came back. "So, I don't…" I took a deep breath to try and calm myself. It… mostly… worked. "How did my parents deal with this sort of guilt?"
"That's not a fair question to ask. You might be alike in many ways, but you're also very different." Uncle Finn pulled me into a half-hug and I leaned against him, clutching my book to my chest. "I once asked Chulainn a similar question, and he told me about how killing meant nothing to him. It was no different than hunting an animal, because as both a gladiator and a mercenary, your ability to kill was directly related to your ability to survive."
"That… makes sense…"
"It played a part in why Chulainn never thought himself all that good of a person. The rest of us disagreed, but I know he was scared you or Conall would end up like him. That you feel guilt… he'd be upset because you're hurting, but relieved as well." That made sense. That fit into the stories I had heard. "As for Alicia? Alicia found it hard to hurt people in general. Sure, if you riled her enough, she would, but…"
I just caught his grimace. "Was it annoying?"
"It was… certainly a worry?" He didn't quite look at me, telling me that yes, it was annoying. Which made me smile, because… I don't know. "It became a bigger worry after Deirdre was… well, whatever happened."
"Because Mom almost died?"
"And because of how that opening got there. She and Deirdre actually did fight. Alicia controlled flames, but…" He sighed. "But she saw the fear in his eyes, hesitated, and he exploited that opening. She never forgave herself for it, but at the same time, she never learned how to fight. Never learned how to overcome that hesitancy. Many offered, but she refused, focused solely on healing people."
"That seems selfish." But, it also just… fit the stories. Mom was a healer first and foremost.
"It was. And, knowing what I do about Victor of Velthomer, sometimes I wondered if that hesitancy was born from a fear of turning into her father. But, of course, I never asked." Back to him, huh? Since he died so long ago, I never really thought about what influence he would've had on Mom or Arvis. "But because of all of that, Riona… Alicia felt guilt over those she couldn't save, yes, but not in the same context as you."
"So, what do you do?"
"Sadly, I don't truly have an answer. I'd rather you not lock up anymore than you have. Not as I did." He smiled gently at me. "My suggestion, though, is to take advantage of something neither of your parents had while growing up. Having friends and family you can depend on. Because I am certain that they feel similarly to you. Especially those you grew up with."
"...Just out of curiosity, did you have a similar talk with Diarmuid?"
"A father always keeps his son's secrets." Uncle Finn ruffled my hair again. "What is it that you were planning on reading anyway?"
"Huh? Oh! It's a book I… ah… borrowed from Alster!" I held it up to show him. "It's a history about the Loptyrian Empire. I thought that maybe it would help… um…"
"Does it say something more than 'it was terrible'?"
"A lot more, actually! I'm about halfway through, and..."
I rambled on and on, and Uncle Finn let me, asking questions here and there, and weighing in with stories he knew or his own knowledge depending on the subject. It was actually really fun and I felt… I felt like I was actually making progress or something. Maybe I just liked the excuse to spend time with Uncle Finn. That would also make sense.
"Hmm… yeah, that sounds like the same mess that's been in my own head recently," Seliph murmured, absently running his fingers through my hair. For once, we both had a morning off, so we were lazing in bed. And talking about what had been on our minds recently because Uncle Finn was right. Talking about it was better than trying to keep it all inside. "We should slowly ask the others too."
"Yeah," I agreed, snuggling a little closer to him. He was delightfully warm, after all. "What sparked you thinking about it, though?"
"Arthur asking me why I'd have a trial for Bramsel. I couldn't find an answer that satisfied either of us, really." Way to go, Arthur. "I still like giving them chances. But we should plan things like that with others weighing in more."
"Definitely." And, more importantly, make sure they knew we valued their input. "Wow, here we are in bed together and we're being serious."
"Like whatever you were writing last night?" He nodded to the nightstand where I had papers carefully stacked. And turned over so that he couldn't sneak a peek. "What were you working on?"
"That's… ah… something we'll talk about later?" It was my notes about Julius (possibly) being Loptyr Major and all that. "Could be nothing."
"If it's worrying you, then it's not nothing."
"It could just be me chasing a dust mote while thinking it's a bunny. You know; like what Hestia used to do." I quickly twisted so that I could pin him to the bed, straddling his waist while I leaned over him. "It is much too serious for a restful morning."
"What is? I think my brain stopped, so I can't remember what we were talking about." Seliph smiled softly and reached up to pull me down into a kiss. "I meant to ask last night, but I forgot. Why are you wearing my nightshirt?"
"Because Hestia got my only clean nightgown dirty." I couldn't even glower at her now, though, because she wasn't here. She had left with the hunters, as per usual, and was now… somewhere that wasn't here. "Are you mad?"
"It looks better on you than it does me. So, a little."
"Now, does it actually look better or just me wearing your clothes is a nice sight?"
"Both?" He grinned and I laughed, leaning down to rest my forehead against his. "But you are right. We have been much too serious." He brushed my hair behind my ear, his touch lingering on my cheek. "We should try to match schedules more. I scandalized a couple of soldiers when they realized you and I don't go on regular dates."
"Similar thing happened to me." In fact, truthfully, I didn't have this morning off. Mursili, however, learned about how Seliph and I didn't get to spend a lot of time together and recruited a few others, like Niamh, to take my morning duties. "That said, we are blessed with kind and competent soldiers."
"We really should rely on them more."
"I think so too. Gets us more mornings like this." I kissed him slowly, lazily, and smirked at the dazed look on his face when I pulled away. "Wonder what you're thinking."
"Well…" And then there was a knock on the door. "Well, right now, I'm thinking there's a conspiracy."
"Seriously." I sighed and rolled off the bed to head for the door. Seliph was right behind me, grumbling. "Okay, who is it?"
"It's Ulster," Ulster answered through the door. Which… was confusing because he and Lana had the day off entirely and were supposed to be… "Please don't kill me."
"Well, now I'm wondering what the emergency is," Seliph replied, opening the door. Ulster stood there looking apologetic, and annoyed. "So?"
"Lewyn asked for a meeting, and if things make you feel better, Lana and I were just about to leave." Ulster sighed and I patted his shoulder sympathetically. "I'm not sure how much of an emergency it is, since he's not being urgent and all…"
"Then why is he asking for one?"
"Well, apparently, he promised our darling wolf-girl…" He pointed to me, and I frowned. "Some explanation about something and that you also made him promise that Fee gets to hear, so he's decided that everyone gets to hear it at once."
"The hell?" I asked, frowning. Then I gasped as I remembered. "Oh, right! His arm rotting!"
"...His what?!" Seliph yelped. I ignored him to head for the closet to pick out clothes for both of us. "Why… what…?!"
"I don't know and that's the point of this!" And I was certain he picked today of all days to get back at me for extracting a promise for an explanation. "Hey, Seliph, where's that blue… oh, never mind, I found it."
Though Ulster and Seliph tried to get more information out of me, I ignored them (because I really didn't have anything else to say) to get ready instead. Since Ulster had to fetch us, the three of us ended up being the last ones in the War Room, and I noticed three things. One, Lewyn wasn't here. Two, most of everyone who was here was clustered around the table, annoyed and grumbling, no doubt because of the first. Three, we had a couple more people than usual: Ares and Lene. Ares was in the corner with the adults, talking to Uncle Finn, and Lene was off to the side, noticeably apart from everyone, but watching with sparkling eyes as she pet Hestia. I supposed Hestia decided Lene would be the best source of treats for the morning or something.
"How did you get dragged into this mess?" I asked her curiously, deciding to join her instead of grouping up with the others. Honestly, it seemed like mostly grumbling and I didn't need that this morning. "Is it Hestia's fault?"
"I'm just here to make sure Ares is okay, truthfully," Lene explained with a wink. She continued petting Hestia, who was very pleased by all of this. "You can ignore me~"
"How can we ever ignore such a beautiful lady, though?" I grinned and she giggled. "Why is Ares here?"
"Finn invited him along, so that he can see who all is on the War Council."
"Interesting." That made me wonder if Ares was considering fighting for us, but that was so not my business at the moment. "How is he doing? I'm sure reuniting with family, and meeting them in Diarmuid's case, is a little…"
"Plus learning more about how complicated his father's death was." She smiled knowingly at me and I looked away. I still felt bad for using that as an example of songs simplifying things, even if it had been a complete accident. "Honestly, he doesn't know. But I think…" She tapped her cheek, finding her words. "You know how you sometimes have to lance a wound to get infection out? I feel like it's like that."
"So, painful for now, but it should eventually scar."
"I think so." She grinned. "If you don't mind helping to distract him? He trusts the ones that came to save me, because of the whole 'owe' thing, and I think that'll help him."
"I'll do what I can. And we can recruit Diarmuid as well. He's very good at things like this."
"I've noticed. I'm very grateful." Her grin softened into a smile. "I'm grateful to Seliph as well. Not just for the care he's given Layla, but for recognizing he needed to wait for Ares. And being willing to wait."
"No need to tell me how wonderful my lover is."
"True, true." She clapped her hands, eyes dancing now. "Ah, but when Ares is ready, we should totally do a double-date sort of thing. I think it'll be fun."
"Now that is an idea. Maybe a triple, and drag Ulster and Lana as well?"
"We could also set some folks up?"
"Have to be careful with a few, but-"
"Sorry for the abruptness of this," Lewyn said, finally arriving. He looked a little winded and definitely a bit distracted. That made me frown, and I tried to catch someone's eye, wondering if this had become normal recently. Diarmuid, over by Leif, noticed and shook his head, hinting that no, this wasn't. Something had happened, or was going to happen. "With the way the wind is blowing, I have a feeling things will get quite busy very quickly, and a promise is a promise."
"And what is the wind saying?" Oifeye asked calmly. His expression was stony, though, and I saw Shanan grip his shoulder reassuring. "Anything interesting?"
"It's screaming lots of thing and taking a while to separate. I'll get the information as soon as I make sense of it all." That… didn't sound good. "Anyway, since I know this is abrupt and all of you have things you'd rather be doing, I'm just going to be very to the point."
"It would be a nice change."
"Just warning." Lewyn then pushed back his sleeve and, without hesitation, unraveled the bandages on his arm to reveal the necrosis and deterioration underneath. To the screams and gasps of everyone. "So, as you can see, my arm is rotting. I should've died back in Belhalla that day. And I don't mean it in the survivor guilt way. I literally should have died. Tailtiu and Alicia only bought me time to make a bargain with Forseti." He shrugged and… attempted to rebandage his arm. I got annoyed and went over to fix it myself, scowling. "I left because I had noticed the pulse slowing and knew this body would die and animated only by magic from that point forth. And yes, Erinys knew and I left with her knowledge and permission." He looked at everyone's wide-eyed stares and waited for me to tie the bandage off. "And that's about the sum of it. Have a lovely afternoon." And then he left. He just freaking left. What the hell?!
"If half of what he said was true, I'm guessing the rot got the empathy part of the mind and heart," I deadpanned, unable to help it. I held up my hands when all eyes turned to me. "Yes, I knew about the arm thing, but not the why or anything. The promise he mentioned was to me, so this meeting is partially my fault. I didn't say anything because it was back when Ishtore threw boltings at the camp, and now, I know nothing more than you do." I looked at everyone in exasperation. "You want more info? Badger it out of him, though I think you'd have more luck getting Hestia up a tree."
Despite my warning, Aunt Lachesis was the first one out of the room, striding out with purpose and fury in her eyes. Oifeye wasn't far behind, expression stony. Shanan and Uncle Finn glanced at each other, sighed, and followed the two out, likely leaving to handle damage control. Something Arthur and Tine also decided to do for Fee, since she was standing there in shock. Hestia went with them. She knew Fee would need the comfort.
"He's as capricious as the wind itself," Ares noted dryly, preventing an awkward silence from falling. He pushed off the wall and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Is there anything I can do to help make sure she doesn't have to work today? I've never been involved in the more administrative part of battles, but..."
"I think we're all going to first get something to eat and rest a bit," Seliph replied slowly. He smiled, though, and surprisingly, Ares smiled back. It was a very tiny smile, but one nonetheless. "Then we all can shuffle duties around. I do know Fee was supposed to help with foraging for medicinal herbs, but…"
"Oh, I can do that for her, at least!" Lene volunteered, raising her hand to make sure she was seen. She smiled brightly when everyone focused on her. "I mean; I'd need a guard or something, because I don't know how to fight, but I can forage."
"She was going to head out with me, so we'll go together!" Nanna laughed, smiling brightly. Despite the smile, though, she was very shy when taking Lene's arm. "Mother told me some stories about Ares when he was little, so…"
"Perfection~!"
Slowly, everyone began leaving the room, with Iuchar and Diarmuid talking with Ares (probably to have him take some of their jobs so they could take over for Fee). I almost followed, but I saw Yuria hadn't moved from the table. So, I instead waited for her by the door and knocked on the frame when it became obvious that she was lost in thought.
"Oh, sorry!" she gasped, rushing over to me. She nearly tripped over her feet, but I helped steady her. "I was just… thinking."
"About what Lewyn said?" I asked, nudging her out the door and down the hall. She nodded, expression becoming absent as she began thinking about. "What is it? Something wrong?"
"It's just…" She bit her lip. "I don't want to say he was lying, because I don't think he was. But…"
"You think there's more to the story."
"Much more." She looked right at me. "Plus, he said 'bargain'. That implies Forseti wanted something. But he didn't say…"
"...He didn't say what that was." I almost growled in frustration. No doubt he had left so quickly to make sure no one caught that until after he left, damn it. "Well, he did explain the rotting thing. Sadly, that was all I got out of a promise."
"And I can extrapolate from there that he is being harsh because he has no idea when the body will fall apart and he wants to spare his loved ones more pain, but that…" She shook her head. "That doesn't feel 'right'. I think the answer to his harshness lies in what he didn't say."
"Joy." Got one explanation and a thousand more questions. Typical. "Here, let's catch up to the others. And I want to know how you've been doing on your feelings for Diarmuid."
"That's…!"
I kept on teasing her, and I eventually had to come up with new names for 'blushing madly' because she had a near permanent blush the entire time! But it was fun, and that was something I dearly needed. I made sure to stop when we caught up to the others, though. I wanted her to be comfortable before we did group teasings, after all.
After lunch, and duty reshuffling, we all got to work and I actually thought to inform a couple of the soldiers that Fee wasn't feeling well and would be taking the rest of the day off. I'd barely finished the explanation before they volunteered to help out where they could, so I sent them to the others and made mental notes about other ways to reshuffle duties and the like. And physical notes when I got to my study and found pen and paper. Then I went about my afternoon duties, which I finished more quickly than I expected. Funny how fast things got done when you stopped trying to do it all on your own, huh? So, with the unexpected free time, I decided to swing by and check on the children.
"Looks like everything is going well," I murmured, leaning against the doorframe and doing my best to not be seen. I didn't want to interrupt. Today, they had actually started lessons, learning how to read and write and the like. Meaning the 'play room' was awash with paper and pens and the younger children trying to do their work while the older children did their best to help. And, of course, the animals getting in the way, demanding attention. Save for one. "Where is that lion cub?"
A second and third look proved that the little lion wasn't in the room like the others, so I left to go hunting. I wished I had Hestia with me, but Fee needed her more, so I just had to hunt through the castle myself for a tiny little cub. And hope she hadn't escaped the castle and was in the city somewhere. Because if she was, I was going to catch an earful of a lecture from Oifeye. I just knew it.
"Easy, Lachesis…" When I heard Seliph, I was tempted to ask him for help, but I held off when I found him and saw he was helping Aunt Lachesis limp down the hall. "I think you overdid it chasing Lewyn," he teased. She just made a face at him and surprisingly didn't say anything. She just stared at his face, like she was just seeing it or something. "You're wearing the same look Aideen does when Hestia tracks mud in the house. Is something smeared on my face?"
"Hmm? Oh, no!" Aunt Lachesis reassured. She smiled sheepishly and shook her head. "No, it's just… I just noticed how much like Deirdre you look. That's all."
"You have Sigurd's coloring for sure, but your features are much more delicate than his." She poked his cheek, tilting her head to the side. "Your eyes are the same as his, but that's it. I was curious if there was more or not."
"Is… it a bad thing?"
"Of course not. Just… well, when you were a baby, you appeared to take more after Sigurd than her." She smiled and, tentatively, Seliph smiled back. "So I was startled. You'd think I would've noticed that sooner. They were always very distinctive."
"Were they?"
"Yep." Lachesis giggled. "Oh, wait, you probably don't like having your looks described as feminine."
"My looks are my looks, and people can describe them however they wish." Seliph shrugged, unbothered. "It made things useful when we were little. I could just borrow Larcei or Riona's dresses and pretend to be a girl."
"Really?"
"Yeah, we did that a few times when we were younger, to make it easier to escape." Seliph became thoughtful, glancing up and conveniently missing Aunt Lachesis's pained look. "I wonder if I can still pull that off, actually."
"Hmm… you know... you just might. Especially since outside of Isaach and Thracia, men tend to wear their hair short." She tugged a lock of his hair for emphasis. "Actually, that reminds me. I know Ulster keeps his short to emulate Lex, but why is Larcei's? I would've thought she'd keep it long."
"Huh. You know; I don't remember." And Seliph smiled thoughtfully, like he didn't just lie. But he had. Of course he knew. All of us from Tirnanog did.
Larcei used to have long hair. As long as mine and Seliph's. She had been proud of it, taken incredibly good care of her hair… it helped her remember Aunt Ayra. Made her feel closer to her. But after Creidne's suicide attempt… well, Creidne's hair had also been long, once. But after her assault, she couldn't bring herself to take care of it, so it got horribly tangled. Then she tried to kill herself, and because she had curled up on the floor, the blood had caked her hair into matts. Impossible to detangle. So, when she survived, it had to be cut, and she had cried so bitterly. It was just one more thing taken away due to that general. So, Larcei had sat down and demanded her hair be cut too. A show of solidarity. A reminder to Creidne that she wasn't alone. And Larcei would keep it short until Creidne grew hers out again.
"Ah, Lachesis, I've been meaning to ask you something," Seliph began, deftly changing the subject. The explanation wasn't his to tell, after all. "But I have noticed you wincing every time someone mentioned bringing in refugees without asking questions, and… well…"
"I really do need to school my expressions better," Aunt Lachesis sighed. She then smiled sadly. "Sorry, it's not that you're doing something wrong. I just worry."
"...It was both Sigurd's greatest strength and weakness." She spoke very softly, but each word was brimming with old pain. She missed him terribly. "His ability to accept people, to trust people… it worked quite a few times. It's how he met Quan and Eldie to begin with. It's how Ayra and Shanan joined up with us. How Jamke did."
"But it's also how Arvis and Aida were able to lead him into a trap, alongside everyone else."
"Yes." She closed her eyes, forcing back tears. "And just bringing people in… well, that's how Deirdre was kidnapped. She and Alicia were bringing in refugees, helping them, and…"
"I know the story. Shanan told me." Admittedly, Shanan had actually been delirious from pain medication at the time. His appendix had decided to burst not long after we arrived at Tirnanog, and Seliph and I had kept him distracted until the sleeping medication kicked in for Aideen to do the surgery. "I suppose we simply need to try and keep vigilant. And rely on the people around us."
"Oh, trust me. The old ones in this crazy group are paranoid enough to balance you young ones out."
"You're not that old, Lachesis."
That's when I remembered I was wandering the halls looking for something (a lion cub), not to stand around eavesdropping on interesting conversations. So, I resumed my hunt, looking around in every room and nook and cranny in the castle. And asking soldiers if they had seen the cub. As the search continued on, I worried she was hurt (or worse) and began panicking. After all, she was only a baby and if she was hurt, she had to be lost and confused and-
"There you are!" And there was Ares rushing for me. My panic was reaching the skies at this point. "Been looking all over for you," he grumbled. Thinking past my anxiety, I frowned in confusion, since I knew he had to be busy. He had taken over nearly half of Iuchar's duties, and a quarter of Diarmuid's. "Help."
"With…?" I asked, raising a brow now. But he pointed down and I quickly saw the answer. I found the lion cub. She was all-but-clinging to his leg. "Aw, hello there, cutie!" And she looked just fine, so relief washed through me. She was fine. Everything was okay.
"I need help with it!" He looked a little panicked as he glanced down. "Won't leave me alone and nearly got stepped on by my horse."
"This is the first time she's actually sought you out, huh?" Normally, it was just when he had been passing by.
"Yes, and I don't know why!"
"Hmm… well…" I watched her rub her face against his leg and smiled sadly as one thought did come to mind. Eldigan was known as the Lionheart after all. "Could be she sees you as a kindred spirit? She's a cub violently separated from her parents, after all." I picked her up and handed her to him, fixing his grip so that she was secure. "I've read that lions are very social cats who adore contact. So, she might just feel most at home with you."
"That…" He looked at the cub, who began rubbing her head against his chin and cheek. "So, what do I do?"
"I can try to dissuade her, but I'm not sure it'll work. Bar you being abusive and I'm telling you now, if you are, then I'm setting you on fire." I thought about what Lene said about distractions and smiled, realizing this could be a blessing. And hey, it worked for Inanna, Anat, and Sandas, so maybe? "That said, I can also help you train her to at least not get underfoot with horses about. I had to teach Hestia too, and I'm sure most of the animals need to learn that quick. And when she's bigger, she'll probably be a great guard for Lene."
"Assuming Lene doesn't kill either of us…" He sighed and, hesitantly, began petting the cub's head. "You know… when I was a child, I did actually want a cat."
"Yeah, I wanted a dog and got a wolf. Life is funny that way." I grinned, delighted. "Come on. Let's find Lene and let her know, okay? I'll help out."
"Oh, good, I can hide behind you."
While we were hunting for Lene, we came across Leif, who was looking to the east, towards Alster, with grim eyes. Ares, surprisingly, called out to him first, but I quickly dragged Leif into helping out as well, mostly by joking and teasing about the cub. It wasn't long before Leif was back in a good mood, but even then, it was clear what weighed on him. After all, it weighed on all of us, even if none of us said anything about it.
With Darna captured, it was time to march on Alster. Gods help us.
Author's notes: Well, here's quite a few things? I probably should've named the interlude something else, huh? Riona being confused about why 'hyena' in that context would be an insult is a callback to Memoirs of Thracia where Conall has similar confusion. 'Eresh' is short for Ereshkigal, a figure in Babylonian mythology who rules the underworld and is the sister of Ishtar (who is often associated with Inanna). 'Neith' is an Egyptian goddess often associated with 'Anat'.
Also, Seliph looking like Deirdre is based off of how his in-game portrait takes more after Deirdre's than Sigurd's (much like the other children; Larcei's is just Ayra's portrait with short hair, and Nanna's is Lachesis's with short hair and a feather) and some developer notes implying it was intentional. (I think both the Fuyuki and Oosawa manga also make a mention of this, but don't quote me on that). If you look at character portraits and character art, then the only men with long hair are, for the most part, only from Isaach and Thracia (see: Shanan, Travant, Arion, Dean, Marricle).
In-game, Nanna is actually the one who gives Ares the letter (and it's in the next Game-Chapter), but since Lachesis is here, I figured this would be better. The game itself doesn't really go into the details of what's in the letter, save that it shows that Eldigan and Sigurd were friends until the end (and carefully avoids saying whether or not Sigurd did kill Eldigan since that is a possibility), but I thought it would be fun to show (especially since it's been so many chapters since Eldigan was present). Also yes, I just couldn't resist giving Ares a lion cub. I tried really hard, but I couldn't.
About hyenas. Yes, they are in the same order (well, suborder, rather) as cats (and mongooses) meaning they are more phylogenetically similar to them than dogs. However, both canines and hyenas share similar 'niches' in their ecosystem iirc, so the similarities in morphology and behavior are an example on convergent evolution. That said, their grooming habits, scent marking, mating, and parental behavior are consistent with felines. (Truly, though, they're in their own family, but neither here nor there; Riona can't be COMPLETELY right about animals all the time)
Next Chapter - Divinity
