Author's note: shout out to Dude for slaving away on this chapter
"And . . . open them!" With a flourish, Pam uncovered Harley's eyes, resting her chin on the blonde's shoulder and sliding her hands around to rest on her hips.
Harley instinctively leaned back into Pam's warmth, breathing in her scent, and it took her a second to realize what Pam's 'surprise' was.
"Aw, Pam-a-lamb, you got me . . . a short gentleman in a vest? You really shouldn't have, babe."
Pam scoffed and released Harley, who whimpered a little at the loss of contact. She crossed to the man and stood next to him. "Harley, this is my family's tailor. He's here to help with Saturday." Harley's face must have been scrunched up in confusion because Pam sighed affectionately and went on. "The haunted house. Since it will be our first public outing as a couple, I thought it was only appropriate that we coordinate our costumes."
"Ah," Harley said, her eyes brightening. "You mean – you want us to do a couples costume?" Pam nodded shyly, and Harley clapped her hands and giggled before running over and throwing her arms around Pam's shoulders, leaning up to catch her lips in an overjoyed kiss.
When the tailor cleared his throat, the girls separated, but Harley missed the contact and quickly wrapped her arms around Pam's waist, holding her tight. "So, babe, what are we going as? Let's see, what would Pamela Isley dress us as . . . famous botanists? Ivy League deans? Tennis players . . . nah, too obvious."
Pam gently put a finger on Harley's lips, and when Harley looked up at her, the redhead was – beaming was the only word for it. "I wanted it to be special for you, so I thought we could be characters from that Mean Girls movie you're always quoting."
Harley was talking before she could help herself. "Oh! That's awesome! So, you're obviously Cady – yeah, I'm gonna call you Caddy, haha! – and I'm, um . . . Karen?"
Her girlfriend looked at her blankly. "I don't know who they are. But I did research the film on the internet, and the characters of Mrs. George and Ms. Norbury seemed like they'd be fun. You'll be Mrs. George, of course."
Now it was Harley's turn to be confused. "Mrs . . . you mean, Regina's mom? You . . . you want us to go as the mom and the teacher?" She couldn't help it – she dissolved into giggles against Pam's collarbone.
"Well, when you put it like that," Pam said, a hint of laughter dancing in her voice too.
Harley got ahold of herself and cleared her throat, releasing her hold on Pam and taking a step back. She indicated the tailor. "And he's here to . . .?"
"To make our costumes, of course," said Pam.
"Naturally," Harley said, mock-serious. "The tailor is here to make our custom Mean Girls Halloween costumes."
"I've found that bespoke costumes are the only way to ensure accuracy," Pam said. "Now – shall we?"
As they made their way over to the tailor, who was attempting to busy himself with his measuring tape and pins, Harley pulled Pam's ear to her mouth and whispered, "Is it weird that I was hugging you like a koala bear that whole time?"
She grinned at Pam's predictable response: "Koalas aren't bears, Harley. They're marsupials."
/
As Alec pulled up in front of the school, Pam adjusted her brown wig one last time. What are you thinking, Pamela? Dressing as a high school teacher/bartender in front of your peers? Wearing [shudder] glasses in public?
Then she thought of Harley's bright blue eyes, the way they lit up every time they landed on Pam, the bounce in her step, the feel of her hands tangling in Pam's hair – and she remembered exactly why she was doing this.
She sighed, nodded curtly to Alec, and exited the car with as much grace as she could muster.
Pam took comfort in the fact that none of her classmates were outside the school. She'd arrived early for two reasons: 1) to acclimate herself to the situation and her less-than-impeccable ensemble in relative privacy, and 2) because she thought that it would make Harley happy if Pam offered assistance to the Crane boy. (It surprised Pam how quickly Harley's happiness had moved up the priority scale. It was probably those adorable pigtails. Or the way she scrunched her whole face up when something confused her. Or the way she gasped every time Pam's hands found their way under her shirt and caressed her tight abs . . .)
Lost in her Harley-related reverie, Pam somehow found herself in front of the double doors that led to the gymnasium. She shook her head slightly to clear it, then scoffed as she had to re-adjust her wig yet again.
Then she pushed the doors open confidently – and gasped.
Harley had been accurate when she said that Halloween was Jonathan Crane's "jam." Pamela was not often caught off guard, but she was stunned at the transformation before her.
The well-equipped but bland gymnasium had been converted to a house of horrors – and that was with the lights fully on. Black walls had been erected, dripping with cobwebs and – slime? fake blood? – forming a sort of maze through which Pam assumed the children would have to pass. Fog swirled thickly around her ankles.
Crane must have gotten permission from Coach Kane to incorporate the gymnastics equipment into his design. Lifelike corpses dangled by hangman's nooses from the uneven bars, the balance beam was edged with lethal-looking spikes, and – was that a head on the vault?
Sinister music played in the background, low enough that you had to strain to make it out, just loud enough that it couldn't be ignored. Pam grimaced when she realized that rather than the typical horror movie themes and Halloween songs, it was an extra haunting rendition of Ring around the Rosie.
The overall effect was, for lack of a better word, chilling.
As Pam stood there in the doorway, a form materialized from the shadows to her left, and she jumped.
"Hello, Pamela," she heard Jonathan's quiet voice, sounding even more unsettling than usual coming from – was that supposed to be a scarecrow mask? His eyes were shining with a fervent light, and his mouth was a black hole that seemed to go on forever (but surely his real mouth was in there somewhere?).
"It's – I –" Pam stammered, hand to her heart. She moved further into the gymnasium, seeking to put a bit of distance between them.
"Hi, Pam! Did you come early to help out?" said a figure clad in a garish yellow suit, emerging from the maze of walls, and Pam thought she'd never been so happy to see Edward Nygma in her life. He had a bright green mask on, and she must have looked quizzical because he paused, struck a pose, and said, "Ssssssmokin'!"
He looked at Pam. She looked back. Then Edward's shoulders drooped and he crossed the rest of the way over to them, muttering, "Jim Carrey in The Mask. Guess you haven't seen it, then."
"Did you two do – all of this?" Pam asked, trying to recover from her initial shock and Jonathan's disturbing costume.
"Yes," said Jonathan.
"We've been here all day," Edward said. "Just took a quick break to get our costumes on. Harley couldn't be here early – something about her little brothers – so it's just been the two of us. We have a few more student volunteers coming soon."
"The eyeballs are peeled grapes," Jonathan said suddenly.
Pam attempted to be a gracious conversationalist, as her parents had always taught her. "Ah – you mean, in the maze?"
Jonathan nodded, his scarecrow mask wobbling a bit. "The hearts are canned tomatoes." He clenched his fists. "Woodrue wouldn't let me use real organs from the biology room. I was going to – procure my own, but Edward insists these are acceptable alternatives."
Edward clapped him on the back, laughing heartily (but Pam thought she detected a tremor of fear). "Man, you're hilarious! Come on, buddy, the kids are going to love it."
"Yes," said Crane thoughtfully. "The children."
Just then, the doors burst open, and Pam turned reflexively to see Selina striding in, closely followed by Bruce.
The captain of the gymnastics team took a moment to survey her usual domain. Pam thought she cut quite a dashing figure in her golden catsuit, wide belt, hat with a feather, and knee-high boots. Then Selina turned to Jonathan and said. "No, Crane. Hell no. This is 500% scarier than it needs to be." She snapped her fingers. "Bruce. Pam. Green . . . person. Help me make this age-appropriate. We only have half an hour."
As she strode over to the uneven bars, presumably to cut down a hanging corpse or two, Jonathan attempted to stop her, stepping into her path – but Selina dodged him with catlike grace and continued undeterred, muttering "They're children. What the hell is wrong with you?"
Bruce went over to work on the vault, and Edward (after a fitful glance at Jonathan) slunk back into the maze. After a moment, Pam headed after Selina, noting that Jonathan simply stood there, looking in Selina's direction, his fists clenching and unclenching.
"Yao Ming. Put your height to good use and help me untie this . . . hanging corpse," Selina said brusquely, not looking at her.
Pam grit her teeth, grabbed a nearby pair of scissors and complied, suppressing an eye roll at the brunette's inability to refrain from taking charge. "I'm only 5'7"," she muttered.
Selina got one of the bodies down and spread out the cobwebs to cover the gap. "What are you supposed to be, anyway?" she said.
"Wait until Harley gets here – then it will make sense," Pam said, enjoying the slight wince that Selina tried to hide.
"Oh, you did a couples' costume? That's cute, considering you've been dating for 4.3 seconds," Selina sniped. "Is that the high school version of U-Hauling?"
Pam finished cutting down the corpse and let it fall heavily to the floor. "Christ, Selina," she began, turning on her. "Can't you ever just–"
"Hey, ladies," said Bruce, ambling over. He looked just as dashing as his girlfriend, sporting a red velvet tunic, cape, and hat over black leggings. "I got the . . . head off the vault. The bars are looking much less terrifying, nice work." He stood by Selina and nudged her with his shoulder affectionately.
Pam cocked her head to the side. "So . . . Robin Hood and Little John?" she tried.
When Selina stayed silent, arms crossed over her chest, Bruce stepped in. "She's Puss in Boots – isn't she adorable? And I –" here he affected a 'princely' pose – "am Prince Farquhar!"
Selina sighed and turned to Bruce, cupping his chin in her hand. "Say it with me, dummy," she said with a reluctant smile, "Looooord Faaaaaarquaad." Bruce shrugged amiably and planted a quick kiss on her. She jumped back and pulled her sword, and now Pam noticed that she wore a tail the same color as her catsuit. "En garde!" Selina cried, and while she and Bruce had a mock sword fight, Pam wandered off to see if there were other areas in need of her attention.
Then she heard a high, clear voice, and her heart stuttered. "Go on, punch 'em!" Harley was saying to Diana as they came through the doors of the gymnasium, trailed by three shorter figures. "I can't feel a thing!"
As Diana drew back her fist, aiming at Harley's chest, Pam cleared her throat loudly, and the two girls turned to look at her. She barely had time to quirk a mock-judgmental eyebrow before Harley was running over, throwing her arms around Pam's neck, and kissing her impulsively. "Mmm, those glasses, Red," said Harley, pulling back a little and looking up at her. "You're workin' the four-eyes look, babe."
Pam forgot where they were for a second, until she heard Harley's littlest brother say "Wooooow Harley look at all the scary stuff!" She turned her head and saw a tiny furry figure running past them in one direction, a slightly taller ninja headed over to the discarded corpses under the uneven bars in another, and a . . . hockey goalie? leaning against the wall near the doors, engrossed in his phone.
"Had to bring my little brothers early," Harley said. "Mom's working. She didn't – she thought I'd be embarrassed to have them here, you know . . . for a charity thing. But I told her it didn't matter, that we'd have the most fun! And I helped them put their costumes together, and–"
She was cut off as Pam leaned down and kissed her, hard, unable to stop herself.
A minute later, when Diana tapped her on the shoulder, Pam pulled back, breathless, noticing a lovely flush on Harley's cheeks. "Hello, Diana," Pam said hoarsely.
"Hey, Pam," said Diana with a grin, looking radiant in a perfect Rosie the Riveter ensemble. "Your wig's a little out of place."
Pam and Harley took a step apart, both blushing now. Pam realized that Harley's hands had tangled in her hair, and she set about adjusting her wig. "Stupid frickin' wig," she mumbled. Then she realized both girls were staring at her.
"Think I'm rubbin' off on her," Harley said in a conspiratorial stage whisper, leaning over to Diana.
"Hmm," said Diana thoughtfully. "You just might be." Then she looked back and forth between them. "So, let me guess, you're . . . Britney Spears" (she indicated Harley's velour tracksuit), "and Jennifer Aniston in Office Space?" (gesturing at Pam's green vest with all its 'flair').
"Diana, you riveting idiot," Selina said as she and Bruce approached the group, "they're obviously Paris Hilton circa 2001 and the girl from the Thin Mints box."
Harley giggled when Pam put her hands on her hips, affronted.
"You girls keep me young. Oh, I love you so much!" said Harley.
Recognition dawned on Selina's, Bruce's, and Diana's faces. "You're Regina George's mom! That's hilarious," Bruce said. He shrugged when Selina gave him a look. "What? It's a classic."
"Okay, Pam, you go," Harley said encouragingly.
"Um . . . I got divorced," said Pam stiffly.
The others looked at her with identical blank expressions.
"Sometimes older people make jokes?" Pam tried.
Harley slid an arm through Pam's bent elbow and leaned her head on the redhead's shoulder. "She's Tina Fey's character, you guys," she said. "Pam had Mean Girls costumes made for us cuz she knows it's my favorite."
Selina snorted. "So . . . out of all the characters in that movie, you chose the mom and the teacher?"
Pam's biting retort was cut off by the sudden arrival of Jonathan and Edward. "Places, everyone," said Jonathan in his sinister voice. "The children will be arriving any minute now." He eyed Harley's brothers. "Although it seems some of them were early." Harley flinched a little next to Pam, and Pam covered Harley's hand with her own. She could put Crane in his place if needed.
"Edward, the lights!" said Jonathan with a flourish, apparently recapturing some of his Halloween spirit now that the event was almost at hand. Edward disappeared, and a moment later the lights began flickering eerily.
"Ooh, it's like every hospital in a horror movie!" Harley said, clutching Pam's arm tighter for a second before releasing her. The small group of students split up, going to their assigned stations, and Harley blew Pam a kiss and then pouted dramatically as she walked over to work the registration table.
Pam went to her spot in the maze. She felt around in the bowl. "These feel nothing like eyeballs," she said to no one.
Traffic was slow at first, but eventually the gym was filled with the odd combination of rich donors (and their children), and the children who would benefit from the day's activities. Occasionally, a student or teacher volunteer would wander through – Pam couldn't suppress a giggle at the sight of Dick Grayson in nothing but a Speedo and swim goggles ("I'm Greg Louganis," he said proudly), and she had to admit she was impressed at Professor Gordon's era-appropriate Amelia Earhart costume. Pam eventually gave up on explaining her own costume, instead holding out the bowl of poorly-imitated 'eyeballs' wordlessly to each group of children.
At one point, Pam turned her back to the maze and attempted to adjust the bowl on the table so that it wouldn't be necessary for her to hold it out. She felt a silent presence behind her just a second before two soft hands covered her eyes. "Crane, if that's you, I swear to God–"
"It's not Jonathan," giggled Harley behind her. Pam turned and breathed out a sigh of relief. "Wanna take a quick break?" Harley said, twirling a strand of hair around one finger and looking up at Pam from beneath her eyelids.
Pam didn't hesitate. "There's a spot behind the maze where we can be alone," she said urgently, pulling Harley by the hand.
As they sank down onto the pile of mats, Harley tugged off Pam's wig, and Pam sighed as Harley ran her fingers through red locks, gently untangling them. "I hate that thing," she grumbled. She started to take off her glasses, but Harley stopped her.
"Leave them on," she said, her voice low.
Pam bit her bottom lip. "Whatever you say, Ms. Norbury," she said as Harley slowly moved on top of her.
"You're Ms. Norbury, dork," Harley whispered, but Pam was already pulling her down into a kiss that started off chaste enough but quickly built in intensity. Pam moaned as Harley's tongue found hers at the same moment her fingers tightened in Pam's hair. She ran her hands down Harley's back and gently cupped her rear, which had the blonde panting over her in seconds.
Then they both froze, pulling slightly apart as they heard two familiar voices behind a nearby wall.
"Hey, kid, what are you doing back here?" Selina said.
"I dunno," said a little voice, and Harley mouthed That's Henry! She tensed, starting to get up, but Pam held her down, shaking her head and indicating that they should wait and see how this played out.
"Party's out there," Selina tried again.
"Yeah," said Henry. "The fancy party with all the fancy kids in their fancy costumes."
There was a pause, and then Pam heard Selina say, "I guess some of them are fancy. But I always liked the homemade ones better, you know?"
Henry scoffed. "You're just sayin' that cuz you're a grownup."
Selina laughed lightly. "Hardly." Then her voice got quieter. "I'm not just saying it. I didn't always have the fancy costumes either." Pam looked at Harley's wide-eyed expression as Selina went on. "One year, my mom forgot Halloween altogether."
"No shit!" Henry exclaimed. Then, "Sorry."
Selina chuckled again. "Doesn't bother me, kid."
"Henry."
"Okay, Henry. So yeah, Mom forgot Halloween and I had to make my own costume. I wanted to be a Disney princess, but all I could find was a paper grocery bad and a Sharpie, so . . . I went as a robot. And all the kids at school – every single one of them – laughed at me."
"That sucks," said Henry.
"Yep," Selina said. "But the next year, I planned ahead and made a better costume. And the year after that, an even better one. And so on and so on, until here I am, the greatest swordfighting cat in all the land!"
They heard her jump to her feet and draw her sword. "Fear me . . . if you dare!" Henry laughed, and Selina said, "Come on, ki – Henry. Let's go out there and show 'em that you're a ninja who means business." There was a moment of silence, and then she went on, "I'll let you have the sword . . ."
"Yeah!" Henry yelled, and Pam heard his excited footsteps running off, followed by Selina's more moderate pace.
Pam looked up at Harley. The blonde's eyes were glistening with tears, and Pam wiped them away with her thumb. "So, um . . . apparently she's a decent human being sometimes," Harley whispered.
"Yeah," Pam said, pulling her close, hugging her sweetly. "Yeah, she is."
