Author's note: Alright, y'all. You wore me down. This goes out to my good (and very insistent and annoying friend) Lauren who literally messaged me every day since we stopped updating about finishing this story. I'd also like to dedicate it to the passionate fans who asked for new chapters in all capitals in the comment sections of literally every single one of my other stories, lol.
Dude, if you're reading this, I tried to reach out over tumblr, but I'm not sure you're active there anymore. Hit me up and I'm happy to finish this as the glorious collab it was meant to be.
Updates won't be nearly as frequent as my other stuff, I don't think. My day job is pretty mentally and emotionally draining, but I want to give this story the ending it deserves :)
-AmberZ10
If Selina rolled her eyes any more, she was sure they were going to get stuck in the back of her head.
So, like…OK. Selina understood this Harley thing a little better now. Pam had never been a kid, not really, anyway. More just a tiny adult that grew up to be not so tiny (yeah, yeah, 5'7" isn't that tall. Bite me). But Harley was so wide eyed and childish that she seemed to supply Pam with a little of what she'd missed. And—you know—Harley had a nice ass too, so that was probably a factor…but anyway, despite her draws, Selina wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to get over how much Harley talked.
Currently, she was entrenched in what was seemingly a one-sided conversation with Diana. Selina had checked out some time ago, electing to attempt to talk to Pam, but the redhead became so distracted every time Harley twirled a pigtail around her finger that Selina gave up on that too.
"Why did you guys look so soft up front?" Selina asked, her question directed at Bruce and Dick.
Dick's gaze immediately fell to his lap. "I don't…"
"She means the O-line, Dunce," Bruce laughed. "I don't know what to tell you, Selina. They had a solid front-seven. Our guys just weren't physical enough."
Selina snorted. "Yeah, I noticed. Just saying, you can't expect Dick to get anywhere if there isn't a hole." Dick blushed slightly at that, and Selina again rolled her eyes. "With all the female attention you get, you'd think you'd get laid more often."
"It's not—it's not just about getting laid, Selina," Dick stammered.
"Oh, you want to make an emotional connection?" Selina questioned. "Well fine, but you gotta find a different redhead because this one's pussy-whipped," she nudged Pam with her shoulder. "And that one—," she nodded across the cafeteria to where Professor Gordon was (clearly somewhat begrudgingly) performing her lunch monitor duties. "—would probably prefer that you lose all your baby teeth first."
"You know," Pam turned to her, irritation evident in her expression. "I resent that phrasing."
"Oh, don't—please. I'm sure Harley's got a wonderfully athletic vagina," She assured the redhead.
Diana tore away from her conversation, her eyebrows raised in surprise. Bruce had much the same reaction while Dick clapped his hand over his mouth. Pamela was bright red, but all eyes flew to Harley as she burst out into a laugh.
"Can—can vaginas be athletic?" She wheezed, wiping a tear from her eye.
"Hmm…" Selina narrowed her eyes in mock-thoughtfulness. "I'm really not sure. Bruce?" She turned the question over to her boyfriend. "I'm afraid I don't know much about vaginas."
"You know enough," Pam mumbled beside her.
Bruce looked at them oddly, but that was the exact moment Talia-why-the-fuck-are-you-even-a-person-Al Ghul decided to walk up to their table.
"Can I help you?" Selina sneered.
"Hey, Talia. What's up?" Bruce asked, apologizing for his girlfriend's tone with a soft smile.
"Well, actually…" Talia shifted uncomfortably under the weight of Selina's gaze. "I was wondering if I could talk to you? In—in private."
"In private…" Selina repeated the words slowly. "Right…"
"Oh, stop it, Selina," Pam chastised. "Perhaps Bruce is secretly a member of Talia's league of drunk assassins. I'm sure there's a lot of material to go over."
"How about you stay out of this, Isley?" Talia suggested, and not too kindly either.
Well damn, usually people were too charmed by Pam's whole 50's movie star sex pot voice to realize she was being a bitch, but Talia clearly meant business.
"Alright, then. You heard the lady, Bruce," Selina waved him off. "Treat him right, Talia, and make sure he's home by 11, his butler tends to worry."
Bruce rose from his seat, taking his backpack with him. "Pam, you want to come over later and help us study for the Lit test?"
"Uh—well Harley needs some Biology help…"
"That's fine," Bruce grinned. "Bring her along. I'd love to hear more about your athleticism, Harley."
Pam threw her unpeeled orange at him, pelting him in the stomach.
"Sorry," he chuckled, turning to Talia. "Pretty girl, bad habit."
Selina glared after him as he followed Talia out of the cafeteria. She wondered then, as she so often did, what she saw in him…and then quickly remembered that he was a wonderful person and she loved him very much…and then felt the sudden need to vomit at her sincerity. She was pulled out of her thoughts when Harley yelped, her face turning beet red.
Selina studied her curiously—for a moment—until the blonde bit her lip and began to white-knuckle her fork. A quick glance at Pam's devious smirk told the rest of the story.
Without a word, Selina reached under the table and grabbed Pam's outstretched leg by the thigh and pushed it down to the ground. "For the love of Molly Shannon, stop being gross," she hissed.
Pam just fixed her already perfect hair and lightly cleared her throat, all of which elicited a laugh from Diana when she caught on.
"So what's Talia's deal?" Diana asked once she (and Harley) had recovered.
"Ugh, who knows," Selina grumbled. "Probably asking him to another one of her Daddy's shitty dinners."
That clearly didn't make much sense to Diana, as she furrowed her brow in thought. "But—we all go to those things. It's to celebrate the end of gala season."
Selina sighed. "Please don't make me try to explain the actions of Talia Al Ghul. She's not right in the head, if you haven't heard."
"Well I—I think that might be a little extreme," Harley spoke up. "Just because she rubs ya the wrong way…"
"Yes, well…you don't quite have the history that we do, Harley," Selina told her, plainly, challenging her to make eye contact. "And I generally think it's a good idea to only weigh in on topics you're educated on. Like…gymnastics, I suppose. Or what Pam sounds like when she—,"
"Hey, Selina?" Diana interrupted. "How about you take it out on Bruce, huh? Harley's just standing up for a teammate.
"Or how about you take it out on Talia and not me?" Pam murmured.
The table fell silent.
"I—um….I feel out of place," Dick said, causing every girl at the table to jump. They'd forgotten he was even there. "Yeah, I think I'm gonna take a hint and…skedaddle." He rose from his seat, offering each of them an awkward nod before leaving them alone.
Selina tapped her fingers on the table for a long moment before taking a deep breath and saying: "I'm sorry, Pammy."
"It's displaced hostility," Harley piped up once more, looking excited. "Don't worry, totally common coping mechanism, especially for kids our age."
"Well thanks a ton, Dr. Quinzel," Selina's delivery was sardonic.
"More like Dr. Dolittle," Pam chuckled.
Selina sat back, an eyebrow raised. "Excuse me?"
"Oh, come on," Pamela was laughing at this point. "Who dat party cat?"
Diana cupped her hands around her mouth to amplify the words: "I AM A PARTY CAT!"
/
Bruce followed Talia curiously out of the cafeteria, staying a few feet behind her as she led him in front of the building.
Talia and Bruce had been "friends" for some time now. "Friends" because their relationship was setting dependent. There were restrictive, unspoken social rules at school that they'd long ago learned to live by. Talia and Selina had never been terribly close, in fact, they'd been at odds since Talia joined their class in the 4th grade.
See…Talia had never been shy about her interest in Bruce. She'd bravely marched up and handed him a card and a chocolate that first Valentine's Day they'd known each other. Which was fine, honestly. They were kids. And Pamela had handed Selina a Valentine that year as well, so it wasn't like it was something to take seriously.
…but Talia took it seriously. Not to an extent where it made Bruce uncomfortable, exactly. It was more just flattering. But as the years went on and he and Selina eventually became more than friends, Talia lost some of that assertiveness, sinking back into the shadows of their lives. He could feel her stealing glances at him from across the cafeteria, and they'd smile at each other in class, or he'd help yank her locker open when it was stuck…but no, Bruce and Talia weren't school friends—they were gala friends.
The thing about being rich is you end up giving a lot of that money away. Every family had their different causes—the Isleys, for example, tended to support disease research or STEM scholarships. The Kyles were more interested in the arts, and the Waynes tended to support social programs. Of course, there were plenty of instances where these causes intersected, and anyway, being that Gotham had a rather limited aristocrat community, everyone above a certain net worth tended to show up at these functions regardless of if it was their passion.
Learning to smile and nod was the only way to survive those things, and Bruce, Pam, Selina, Diana, Talia…they all knew the drill.
Ra's al Ghul, Talia's father, was a frequent business partner of Thomas Wayne's, so their paths tended to cross more frequently than the others. Bruce had learned rather quickly that Talia wasn't such an awful companion. She was quieter than Selina, more passive, less headstrong. She was amiable to suggestion, wasn't quite as stubborn or as much of a challenge for Bruce. But he liked her, and there was a certain safety in the knowledge that she would always like him far more.
Suffice it to say, Talia approaching him in the cafeteria and pulling him away from Selina's table was…unexpected, but not exactly unwelcome.
She stopped beneath a tree; her gaze aimed at the shiny tops of her patent-leather shoes.
"What's up?" he asked again now that they were alone.
"Bruce…" she began, something vulnerable in her tone. "Bruce, there's something I have to tell you."
He raised an eyebrow, leaning casually against the tree's trunk, his arms crossed over his chest. "Well, I'm all ears."
Talia cleared her throat. "I think it's going to be hard for you to hear. But I just—I can't, in good conscience, withhold what I know. I'm your friend, Bruce. Friends have to tell each other the truth."
Setting-specific friend. "Alright…hit me," he prompted, puzzled at her nervous energy.
"Bruce," Talia took a deep breath. "Pamela is a lesbian."
He actually laughed out loud at that. "Yeah, I—thanks, Talia. I know that."
She nodded like he'd just passed the first test. Evidently there was more. "I…I overheard she and Harley talking in the locker room…"
"Oh," Bruce chuckled again. "I'm sorry, I've got some soap in my bag if you need it to wash your ears out. Believe me, I just had to sit through a pretty graphic conversation myself. I understand."
"They were fighting," Talia continued. "They were—Harley was mad because Pamela lied. She'd said she was a virgin before their first time, but she wasn't. She lied and it was—Bruce, it was Selina."
Now Bruce was confused. "What was?"
"It was Selina that took Pamela's virginity," Talia quickly clarified. "Last year. She said it happened last year, and I think—I don't think you guys were broken up at the time."
Wh…wait, what? "What are you saying?"
Talia swallowed, gearing up to land the final blow. "Selina cheated on you with Pamela, Bruce. Last year."
It suddenly felt like everything inside him was sinking to the ground. Like his very essence was leaving his body to slither through the grass rather than stand upright. Talia tried to reach a comforting hand out then, her expression plainly spelling out her remorse, but Bruce was moving before he knew it. Running up the steps back inside the cafeteria. His eyes locking on her. On them where they sat—laughing—at the table.
But when he got to her, as he stood above her, he couldn't make the thoughts in his head come out of his mouth. With PAM?! Pam is our friend! OUR friend! How could you!? After all the shit you give me about so much as looking in Talia's direction, you take Pam's virginity? OUR Pam?!
All he could do in that moment was point a finger. Point a shaking finger straight at Pam and look Selina in the eye as his lip quivered with anger. "Her?" he managed to force out. "H—Selina, I—her?"
