A/N: I am so sorry for the wait, it wasn't that long, but I was definitely longer than I usually am. I couldn't get this chapter right. Every time I read it, I found something that just didn't sit well with me. I wanted it to be the best it could be.

Any way, please enjoy and I hope this chapter isn't a disappointment after the not so long, but longer than it should have been, wait.

-SUPERNATURAL -

Chapter 4

Castiel didn't want to return to the Winchesters, to Dean, but he had no choice. There was an immediate threat to their lives, to his life and it couldn't be ignored. The early morning sun shone brightly down, bouncing off the Imapala's shining surface, blinding anyone who would walk past. Castiel stared at the blue closed motel door with a heavy heart. What he'd seen last night hadn't left him. It was with him, everywhere he went. It was with him when he closed his eyes, the image permanently ingrained onto his brain. There was no escaping it.

He didn't know how he was suppose to get past this. He didn't know how he was suppose to act around Dean any more. The best thing to do was to get rid of these feelings, another thing he didn't know how to do. He hated not knowing

He closed his eyes as the uncertainty washed through him, gulping hard. The image of Dean with that woman slid through to closed lids. He had looked so happy, so him. Castiel knew he had messed with Dean, knew he had probably tilted his grounded life onto its axis and Castiel hated himself for it. He knew Dean saw how his rejection had hurt him, and in turn it had hurt Dean as well.

Castiel sprang his eyes open as the thought forced its way through. He couldn't keep hurting Dean like this. The only way for Dean to push past these unsettling emotions was for Dean to know that this wasn't affecting Castiel. It was the only way.

So Castiel pushed his feelings down deep. He slid a cool, emotionless mask upon his features. This was the way for Dean to be free. This is what Dean needed. It was going to hurt Castiel, of course it was, but he was not going to let it show. This was for Dean.

With a new resolve, he made his way to the motel door and knocked twice. He heard some shuffling coming from inside and Castiel allowed one more moment of weakness. One last time to show how much pain he was in. The handle on the door turned and he slipped the mask back over his features.

Sam was standing in the door way, his hair a mess from where he'd been asleep, his eyes were tired and his mouth set in a grim line. His dark green t-shirt hung loosely, as did his navy blue jogging bottoms. "Morning, Cas," he grumbled sleepily. He moved out of the way to let Castiel enter the room.

The room itself was shrouded in darkness from where the curtains were still closed. Both beds were unmade and he caught sight of several bottles of beer dotting the room. His eyes drifted to the kitchen area where Dean was standing, back to him. He held his one hand in his head and Castiel could only assume he was nursing a viscous hangover.

He allowed his eyes to linger for too long, then he realized what he was suppose to be doing. Keeping his feelings hidden, keeping the mask of cool indifference. He averted his eyes to Sam who was now sitting at the small round table, laptop open.

"Have you told him?" he asked Sam. Sam looked up at him, annoyance clear on his face.

"No. He wasn't exactly in the right state to have a conversation with. Still isn't."

A groan rumbled from the kitchen and Cas looked back over. He allowed his own annoyance to swim to the surface. He strode over to him as he watched Dean grab a beer. It was way to early for this and he needed Dean to have a clear head for this conversation. He reached around him and grabbed the cold beer from his hands. Dean startled and settled angry eyes on him.

"What the hell?"

Castiel ignored him and poured the beer down the sink. When he landed his eyes on Dean he watched as Dean went from angry to confused. He couldn't see what keeping this mask up meant for Castiel and he did really try to keep the annoyance in his eyes. "We have a serious situation here and all you can do is drink yourself into oblivion." He watched Dean's eyes narrow in on him but before he could say anything Castiel was already striding towards Sam.

After Dean followed, Sam started to explain what Castiel had told him. Dean's eyes widened slightly, darting from one person to the next. "Well, that's a load of crap. You can't seriously believe the bitch, Cas."

Cas narrowed his eyes slightly. "It doesn't matter whether I believe it or not. We wouldn't be very smart to ignore it, would we?"

Dean glanced at his brother. "What do you think we should do?"

"I think we should continue on the case like nothings changed. We'll just have to be more vigilant."

Dean nodded in agreement, chewing his bottom lip in thought. Castiel allowed his eyes to wander down to his mouth, a shot of arousal shot into his stomach at the sight. With a whispered sigh he turned his back on it. "Do you not agree, Cas?" Sam asked, unaware of what he was actually sighing about.

Castiel didn't turn around, instead he just gazed at the fading blue wallpaper of the motel room. "No, I don't. But we don't have any other options at the moment."

A clap sounded through the room. "Great. I'll go get showered and then we can discuss what our next move should be," Dean spoke with an overly cheery voice and it didn't settle well with Castiel. But he didn't allow himself to react to it. He couldn't. This was for Dean. That's what he needed to keep telling himself. This was for Dean.

The sound of the door closing signalled Dean's departure. That was when he turned to face Sam. Sam was eyeing him suspiciously but didn't say anything. Castiel was grateful. He didn't want to come up with any excuses for his detached behaviour.

He glanced at the closed bathroom door as he heard the shower running. His broken heart rattled around inside of him. This was for Dean. It didn't matter how he felt on the matter. This was for Dean.

- SUPERNATURAL -

He watched Cas pacing the length of the room. Sam was now in the shower and it was just the two of them. He thought about going out and getting breakfast but he didn't seem to have the energy. The hangover he'd been nursing had dulled to a small ache now and he found himself able to think a little bit clearer. The silence was uncomfortable and he found himself needing to break it.

"You don't need to worry, me and Sam will be fine." It was barely a whisper but it made Cas cease his incessant pacing.

Cas turned to face him. His eyes were cold and dark and his features showed no signs of what he was thinking. It made Dean swallow hard at the sight. Something had changed in Cas and he didn't think it was anything good. "I always worry." That one simple sentence held so much meaning. It unnerved Dean. While the words were meant to be heavy, his face didn't soften, his eyes stayed hard and detached.

"Same here." He allowed his voice to soften a little. Allowed his eyes to show he meant those words, that no matter what they were both going through, nothing would change. He'd expected Cas to soften his gaze, he always did. A pain shot through his chest when Cas just nodded simply and turned back to his pacing. What the hell? He knew he'd hurt Cas, knew they were both hurting, but why the hell was he acting this way?

In a way this made him angry and frustrated. He'd promised himself that he was going to make him regret his feelings for him, to wish that he had never fallen in love with him. But when he'd seen Cas for the first time since he'd made that decision, he had been taken off guard by the emotionless expression on his face. It reminded him of when they'd first met. When he was still tied to heaven. When he still followed heaven's orders.

After experiencing this cold indifference he wanted nothing more to see the warm look in his eyes again, to see the love and comfort they could hold. He couldn't help it, the desire to know was too strong. "Everything okay?" His voice sounded weak and broken and he hated himself for it.

Cas spun round and faced him, his eyes showing frustration. "Don't ask stupid questions, Dean." Dean watched him heave in a sigh. He expected Cas to show the pain he was in because of Dean's rejection. But he didn't show anything. "Yet again, all our lives are in danger. So, no, everything is not okay."

Dean slid off his bed but made sure he kept his distance. "Are we okay?" He needed to make sure. He needed to make sure he hadn't lost Cas for good. As much as he hated it, he needed him, just as much as he needed Sam, if not more.

Cas rolled his eyes. "No, Dean. We are not okay. Our lives our in danger."

Realization hit him full force then. He was avoiding anything do with the thing between them. He was avoiding his feelings, he was avoiding the rejection, he was avoiding any type of closeness between them. His eyes widened and he stumbled back at the look of annoyance on Cas's face. The pain in his chest expanded as his legs hit the end of the bed. He sat down abruptly. The tears sprang to his eyes, blurring his vision, and he had to bite back a muffled groan. This hurt. This hurt more than anything. He didn't know why this hurt him so much and he didn't want to know why. He couldn't think past the pain that had ignited within him.

Cas watched slowly. He heaved a sigh. "Dean, after we have dealt with the angels. I will leave you alone. For good."

Dean watched as Cas disappeared. That was when the tears finally flowed over and down his cheeks. He didn't know what he was suppose to do. He didn't know how to make this right. He didn't know what this pain meant. He couldn't stop the silent tears from flowing. He darted his eyes around the room in a last ditch effort to find the answers he needed.

The bathroom door sounded and as quick as he could he wiped the tears away with his hand. Sam stopped dead in his tracks as he caught the sight of his brother, worry and confusion on his face.

"Don't," he growled out before his brother could say anything. With his heart heavy in his chest, he made his way over to the motel table and poured himself a whisky. He only turned to whisky when he was in great turmoil. Everyone knew that. But he didn't care. He needed to ease the pain, if only just for a little while. This may be it. The realization hit him. He's lost Cas for good.

- SUPERNATURAL -

Castiel hadn't gone far. He was leaning against the Impala, arms crossed, his brows furrowed in anguish. He hadn't meant what he'd said to Dean. He wasn't going to leave. He could never leave Dean, no matter how much pain he was in. But he was just tired of it. Tired of feeling this way. Tired of Dean not wanting to talk about it, then suddenly jabbing at it till it bled. That's what was happening now. He was bleeding on the inside and no matter what he did he couldn't stop it. He pictured the way Dean had looked at him, the agony that had played across his face.

Castiel closed his eyes as his own agony tangled within him. He had wanted Dean to hurt. He had wanted Dean to feel just a tiny sliver of what he himself was feeling. But now he had time to think about it, he hadn't liked it and regret was now filling him to the brim. The whole point of showing Dean his indifference was to prevent causing Dean any more pain, and in the end, he did the complete opposite.

A loud crash echoed from Sam and Dean's motel room. Without stopping to think about it, he vanished and reappeared inside the room. His eyes caught sight of Sam first, standing up against the wall, his eyes were wide in shock. More banging. He glanced around to find Dean smashing through the room. Rage flowing off him, his shoulders heaving with each breath.

Castiel glanced at Sam again. His upper lip was swollen where Dean had clearly hit him. Sam must of tried to stop him. He looked back at Dean who was now smashing his foot into the night stand. Castiel couldn't hold back any more. "Dean."

Dean froze. He turned angry eyes on him. His chest was rising and falling fast. Castiel's shattered heart was breaking into even more pieces if that was even possible. Tears were streaming down Dean's face.

"Dean," he spoke cautiously taking a small step towards him. Castiel had forgotten all about trying to keep his mask cool and calculated. Instead he allowed all the pain to show, all the sorrow he was feeling for both of them, all the love and understanding.

Dean's eyes softened too, but only for a moment, then they hardened again. Without saying a word, he stormed out of the room. Castiel flinched at the sound of the door slamming shut. This was bad. This was far worse than he had originally thought. This was tearing Dean in two.

It was settled then. He couldn't ignore this any longer. They needed to talk about this. Dean needed to know where he stood with them now. Castiel needed to make it known what his expectations were. But first he needed to wait for Dean to calm down. There was no point in trying to talk with him when Dean was in this mood. So instead, he healed Sam's lip and went about fixing the room up with his powers. That's all he could do for the moment.

- SUPERNATURAL -

All he could hear was the blood pumping in his ears, his heart beating erratically in his chest. He ran his hands through his short hair, gripping tightly, trying to relieve the pressure of the pain that was rattling around inside him. Distantly he heard the motel room slam shut and silently he prayed that it wasn't Cas. He couldn't bear to see him. Not now. The tears continued to flow and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't stop them.

"Dean?" It was his brother. He didn't know if he could deal with Sam either. "Talk to me." Sam's voice was gentle.

He shook his head, hoping his brother got the sign that he couldn't, not yet, maybe not ever. He heard a sigh from behind him. Dean pulled harder at his hair.

"Maybe he'll talk to you." The sound of footsteps fading away before the door shut again. He knew who it was, knew it was Cas before looking at him. He still needed the conformation though. Pain hit him again when he saw the misery in those blue eyes. Releasing his hair, he backed up to the Impala and slid down it. And damn, the tears were still flowing. He wanted to hide, he wanted to run, but he couldn't pull his focus away from the man standing over him.

Dean watched as Cas approached him, crouching in front of him and still he couldn't tear his gaze away. Now he could feel his heart striking against his rib cage with unsteady thumps. He parted his lips to accommodate shallow breaths.

"I'm sorry." Cas's voice was barley a whisper and the words made Dean freeze, his eyes searching the man before him. "I should never of said anything."

Anger was starting to push its way forward again. Why the hell was he apologizing? An apology has never fixed anything before, its never made him feel better. But he couldn't get angry, not yet. He needed answers and he wouldn't get them if he was angry. "Why… Why did you then?" His voice cracked with emotion, begging him to answer.

Cas looked to his feet, frowning. "Because… Because the way you and Sam were talking… You had made it sound like I wasn't… I wasn't capable." Cas looked up, begging for understanding. He couldn't understand though. The anger was being pushed away by the confusion.

"Capable?"

"Of falling in love. I got… angry and I…" He stood, turning his back to Dean. Dean contemplated if he should follow, but chose not to. Cas probably needed his space and he definitely did. "I'm sorry," Cas turned back around, tears now flowing freely down his face. "I'm sorry for telling you. I'm sorry I've ruined our friendship. I'm just… sorry."

Dean's heart broke for him. Through all his confusion and all his running away and being angry, he'd forgotten that Cas was hurting. It was obvious that Dean was rejecting him, and yet, not once had he thought about how Cas was feeling. He wiped his tears away with the palm of his hand and stood. Cas watched him warily.

"Same here." Cas cocked his head to the side, confusion in his eyes now. "I was being a dick." Without thinking too much about it, he wrapped his arms around Cas's neck and pulled him in tightly. He could feel the tension in his muscles but after a moment, he felt arms wrapping around his waist. Cas buried his face into his neck and he could feel the wet tears burning his skin.

Why hadn't he done this to begin with? Why hadn't he given Cas the comfort he needed. Slow realization came to him. This is what he needed as well. He needed this comfort. The comfort that his brother couldn't give him. He in turn buried his face into Cas's neck. He deeply inhaled the smell that was just Cas, and this alone was enough to comfort him. A few tears escaped as the pain that had been clawing at his insides slowly eased off. Yes, this was what he needed.

He needed Cas.

- SUPERNATURAL -

Please Review! Would love to hear what you think. And if you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask. I promise I don't bite.