This oneshot is a suggestion I got from TUCfan. I loved the idea so freaking much, that I just had to write it immediately. So here you go TUCfan, and everyone else.

Home Alone - Part 1


Prison guard Jonathan Holloway walked down along the cells. He was holding his evening cup of coffee, and an important paper. Cell after cell, prisoner after prisoner, he walked past everything, ignoring the mocking calls from certain criminals. Then he reached the point he was walking towards. He stopped.

"Esmé Gigi Genevieve Squalor."

The blonde in the cell looked up from her position on her bed. An ingenious smile immediately crept up on her lip.

Not an hour later, she was walked out of the Coastal Park Town Prison.

"Enjoy your freedom, Ms. Squalor," one of the cops said, as he and the other one turned around and left back into the prison.

For the first time in ten years, Esmé was out of that horrible, very "out" prison uniform. Though, she now had to wear the pink pin stripe uniform, which was very unfortunate, seeing as neither pink nor pin stripe suits were "in" anymore.

Although that bothered her, it couldn't stop her from doing what she had planned since the day she was thrown into that dusty cell. Get revenge on the Baudelaire's for the seventeen years in prison they had forced her into.

She had all the information she needed. The eldest Baudelaire, Veronica, Valory or whatever her name was, lived on Connelly Avenue 472, with that Quagmire boy and the baby... who wasn't a baby anymore, clearly. The boy Baudelaire lived on the same road, so moving from target to target would be easy. This robbery would be a piece of cake. Then she could go see her adoptive daughter, grandkids, and all that stuff.

All that was left now was a way to get into the mansion. A way that could happen when they weren't home.

She started walking down the street, away from that awful "out" place. It was in town, on Steer Avenue if she was correct. The only other building on the street were a library, a pizza place, the police station, and a few resident houses. An idea sparked up in Esmé's head, and she directed her legs to the pizza place; Pizza House.

To her luck, a guy was just outside the door, stepping onto his delivery motorcycle. Three pizzas were stacked on the back of it. Esmé couldn't believe her luck, and chuckled evilly to herself. Pretending to just be a casual citizen, going to the fast food restaurant, she walked past him, carefully listening in on his conversation he was having on his phone. Just to seem extra ordinary, she looked down at her wristwatch, poked around at the jewelry on her arm, and looked at the trees across the road.

"Yeah I promise I'll be there... Are you bringing the chips?... Awesome... Definitely, I'll bring the beers."

Now the only question was; How was she going to get that motorcycle so she could take it to Connelly Avenue?

"Oh, I'm just getting ready for a delivery, but I'll be there right after... Connelly Avenue... The Quagmire mansion, never been there before."

Esmé's head snapped to the side. The Quagmire mansion. How great did her luck have to be for her to find a direct way into the mansion. A pizza delivery.

"Hey! You there!"

Her sudden shout made the pizza guy almost drop his phone. He sighed heavily when he saw her.

"Some lady here's talking to me, gotta go man," he unwillingly hung up the phone. "What do you want, lady?"

Esmé started walking towards him.

"Just a little favor."

Without warning, hesitation or any type of thought, she knocked the guy unconscious.


At the same time on Connelly Avenue 472, three nine-year-olds were sitting around the coffee table in one of the family's living rooms. A board game was in the middle, and pieces were scattered around on, and beside the table.

"Please be fifteen, please be fifteen, please be fifteen" Paisley whispered to the three dices in her hand.

She drastically let them go, and they flew out on the table. Two of them successfully landed on the board, while the other one flew off onto the floor.

"What is it!?" Paisley looked over on Quintus' side.

"I don't know!" he answered, hysterically looking around him.

"Well find it!"

This roll was life or death. Carrie and Quintus threw themselves onto the floor, looking under the table, couches and armchairs. Paisley looked down at the dices on the table. Four and five.

"These make nine," she told her siblings as she went down on the floor as well. "The last one needs to be a six, please be a six"

"Found it!" Carrie pulled her hand out from under an armchair.

Paisley smiled, relieved.

"What is it?"

Carrie's smile faded.

"Oh."

"You just pulled it out without looking what the number was, didn't you?" Quintus asked, disappointed.

"Kinda, maybe, a little," Carrie smiled, asking for forgiveness.

"Just give it to me, I'll roll again," Paisley snatched the dice out of Carrie's hand.

Even more anxious than when she first rolled, she threw the dice on the board again, this time with less power.

"Six!" she celebrated. "Yes, yes, yes! Carrie, your diamonds."

Very dogged and annoyed, Carrie handed Paisley a handful of the plastic diamonds she had by her place.

"What's going on in here?" Duncan asked.

The triplets turned their heads towards the vault from the living room to the hall, where their parents were standing.

"Just games," Carrie answered.

"Is it going alright?" Violet looked down at their respective piles of diamonds.

"I'm winning," Paisley proudly announced.

"I was just a second ago," Carrie made sure to mention.

"I'm sure you're all doing great" Violet said, stopping the little mini argument she saw growing.

"Quintus isn't," Paisley commented.

"I said: you're all doing great," Violet gave Paisley a strict look.

Paisley responded by rolling her eyes.

"Well, we're leaving now," Duncan said, altering the subject of the quick talk. "So you have fun, don't argue, don't eat too many snacks, and go to bed at a reasonable time."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the triplets were used to hearing that.

The four ground rules of being home alone.

"The pizza will be here any minute now, so just open, pay and get it," Violet informed as she opened the door. "Money's on the kitchen table."

"Bye children!" Duncan said as him and Violet left the house.

"Bye mother, bye father!" the children shouted back, without real interest, and keeping their eyes on the game board.

Like nothing had just happened, they continued their game.

"Where were we?" Carrie asked.

"I just got half your diamonds."

"It's my turn," Quintus grabbed the dice, and threw them on the board.

As the dices showed, he took seven steps with his little character, and ended up on a square with a card on it. He looked up at Paisley with an ingenious smile.

"Pais... Give me a card."

"Fine," Paisley took up her pile of blue cards. "Which one do you w-"

She was interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

"Ooh, pizza!"

The triplets let go of what they were holding, and ran over to the door. Carrie opened, and they all smiled to the woman outside. When she noticed the three children looking up at her, her eyebrows slightly turned down. The triplets looked at her, waiting for her to say something, or just give them the pizza.

"Are your parents home, kids?" she had a British accent, and seemed (for some reason) a little shook by the fact that they opened the door.

"No, but we'll take that anyway," Paisley said and reached for the pizza boxes in the woman's hand.

The woman simply raised her hand with the pizza in a little out of reach for the triplets.

"Where are they?"

"On a date at Carbonara Place," Carrie informed, wanting to get the conversation out of the way.

"Ugh, that out garbage restaurant," the woman looked pretty disgusted just at the sound of the place.

"Why do you care?" Quintus asked.

The woman shook her head.

"I don't," she snapped.

For a few seconds, the triplets and the woman just looked at each other, waiting for something to happen.

"Can we have our pizza now?" Paisley reached for the boxes again.

Without any word or other motion, the woman lowered her hand, and Paisley took the pizzas. Just as Carrie was about to turn around for the kitchen to get the money, the woman turned around, and walked off to her motorcycle. The three children patiently looked at her as she got onto the motorcycle. Then they shut the door.

"She forgot the money!" Quintus celebrated.

"Let's split it between us instead," Carrie suggested, and the triplets ran to the kitchen.

Paisley dumped the pizzas on the counter, and they went to the table. Carrie picked up the 30 dollars, and divided the money between them.

"Anyone else thinks that woman was weird?"

Quintus and Paisley nodded.

"Totally strange."

They started walking back to the living room.

"She forgot the money."

"Yeah something was real wrong with her"

Carrie stopped in the vault between the dining room and living room, and Quintus and Paisley followed her action.

"Care why do you think she was so weird?" Quintus asked, and looked at his older triplet sister.

His glance fastened on her eyes, which were staring out the big bay window in the living room.

"I don't know," Carrie said plainly. "But she's watching us."

The two younger triplets looked up to the point she was looking out. Much true to Carrie's word, the woman was now standing on the other side of the road, looking into the house.

The woman on the other side of the road was unknowingly to them, Esmé Gigi Genevieve Squalor.


I know I said I was gonna write the multiple part Italy story, but this idea was just too good to wait for! Thank you again TUCfan.

And this was just part one! There will be three parts.

One: Warm up

Two: Setting the traps

Three: Esmé's break-in

Looking forward to writing it, hope you're excited to read it!