Real world was kind of a dick this last week. I got my chapter done late, sent it to Sazzledazzled late and then it was late again to EdwardsFirstKiss. I could have posted it unbeta'd but you guys deserve better than that. So I waited and believe me you're better off for it. LOL!
I owe my team so much for keeping me on track and fixing my mistakes. Love you guys!
SM owns Twilight and I own an overweight Chow Chow puppy named Bella. I win!
The Devil's Plan
Chapter 15
Doctor Know Best
"In your last session, we discussed the big party that you and Bella were planning. How did that go?" Dr. Tanner looked up from his notes, expecting to hear his patient happily reveal the events of the night. Instead, he received a somber reply.
"It was awful." Edward was not yet to the point that he felt entirely comfortable in Dr. Tanner's office, but he had accepted that speaking with the young doctor was helping him come to terms with what had happened. He'd begun to open up more and had divulged a little about his feelings for a certain brown-haired girl.
"What happened?" Dr. Tanner asked with real interest. His practice dealt almost exclusively with adolescents, and it was rare that a party didn't bring with it a degree of excitement from his patients. Edward's reply was worrisome.
Edward looked around the room, everywhere but at the blue jean clad doctor. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell the doctor, it was more that he didn't know how to tell him.
"It started out fine but then everything fell apart." Edward's shoulders slumped as he fell back against the couch cushions. "I don't even know where to begin."
"Why don't we start from the beginning? What did you and Bella decide to wear?"
Despite the turmoil that was still swirling in his head and stomach over that night, Edward couldn't help but smile when he thought about how beautiful Bella looked. She was every inch the angel she was dressed as and the thoughts her appearance had provoked in him, were those of a bad boy.
"She was an angel." He said simply with a sigh.
"And you?"
Edward shrugged. "Um, black pants, black shirt…"
"Ah, the two of you represented good and evil. How did you feel about wearing the costume of a bad boy?" Edward understood far too clearly why Dr. Tanner had asked that question.
"At first I didn't want to wear it. I didn't want her to look at me and be sees as bad. You know?"
"What do you want her to see?" Edward thought for a moment. For so long he felt all he was to anyone was bad. A bad son, bad brother, a home wrecker… He wasn't sure what he was yet, but he was beginning to believe that he wasn't a terrible person.
"I don't want her to look at me and see the bad things I did. I just want her to see me." He stated simply.
Dr. Tanner smiled at Edward's revelation. Throughout their meetings, Edward had revealed a lot about his feelings for Bella. He rarely felt it was a good idea to use someone outside the patient's immediate family in their therapy, but in this case, he felt Bella's importance in Edward's life would only assist in his healing. "And I'm sure that's what she sees. Now, tell me what happened at the party."
Edward closed his eyes in thought. For the past three days, he'd been trying to figure out just what had happened. Bella had been absent from school since the party and was not answering her phone. All he was left to focus on was the unwelcomed presence of Jasper's friend and Bella's extreme reactions to everything.
"We played a stupid game and someone played a mean trick on Bella. She was really upset and then my dog decided to lose his mind and go into some kind of attack/guard mode whenever Lucian got close to Bella." The doctor's eyebrow rose at the sneer in Edward's voice at the mention of Lucian. A quick scan of his notes didn't reveal a mention of anyone named Lucian. Based on Edward's visceral reaction to the boy, he planned to ask who Lucian was when Edward began to speak rapidly.
"The night started out perfectly. Bella and mom did an amazing job with the decorations and food. Everything was perfect. People started showing up and everyone was having fun. We watched a couple of movies and then they showed up." Again, Felix noted Edward's negative reaction. "Angela suggested we play a game, that's when everything went to hell and Bella began to cry. The game kept-."
"Wait. What kind of game would make Bella cry?"
"Have you ever heard of the game Ouija?"
"Is it a card game?"
"No. It's a game where you try to speak to, I don't know, I guess spirits."
"Do you mean a séance?"
Edward shrugged. "I guess. But there isn't a crystal ball or anything." Edward proceeded to explain the basic concepts of the game to Dr. Tanner.
"So, you read out the words it spells and you take it as the dead answering your questions?" Edward nodded, looking a bit embarrassed about taking part in something that sounded really dumb when you said it out loud. "Okay, what happened to upset Bella?"
"The thing started spelling out words that she said only her dead grandmother would know."
"And Bella believed it?" Dr. Tanner asked skeptically.
"She freaked out!" Edward exclaimed before rubbing his hand roughly over his neck, noting that he was beginning to sweat. He was still genuinely disturbed by what had happened and still hadn't come to grips with whether he believed Bella's grandmother had been talking to her from the grave. Both Carlisle and Esme had downplayed the supernatural aspect of the game and instead had suggested that one or more of the kids were playing a joke on Bella. Although he wasn't inclined to believe that they had been visited by Grandma Swan, Edward didn't want to believe that one of their classmates would be so cruel to her either. What was more disturbing was what had been said to Bella. Edward was still in the dark about what had happened to Bella's mother. Having his own secrets to hide, he hadn't felt right about asking Bella to reveal hers. However, it was clear that Bella was shocked to her very core when Grandma Swan or whoever had alluded that her mother was dead. Also, the warning about Death being near made no sense to him. He'd begun to feel that particular revelation pointed strongly toward his parent's explanation of the whole thing being a horrible joke.
"Edward, how do you feel about what happened?"
Edward rolled his eyes. "How do you think I feel? I'm angry. I want to hurt whoever played that joke on her. I want to make them feel as scared as she was. I want, I want…" His fists clenched tightly in anger.
"You want to protect her."
"Yes." Edward agreed quickly. Already envisioning lots of different ways he could hurt the person/persons responsible.
"That's a normal reaction to watching someone you care about be hurt. You have very strong feelings for Bella. How do you feel about that?"
That night had started out so well. Bella looked beautiful, and he'd become overwhelmed with how much he wanted to be her boyfriend. He wanted the privilege of holding her hand, walking her home and kissing her lips. For that brief moment, when they'd embraced in the dimly lit hallway of his basement, Edward felt like every other seventeen-year-old boy does when he's in the presence of the girl that is rapidly becoming his world.
"I felt normal." Edward admitted his voice low with emotion.
"Can you expound on that?"
Edward knew what the good doctor wanted him to say. And for the first time since they'd started their meetings, he could truthfully give Dr. Tanner the answers he'd been waiting for, even if the truth was still hard to admit.
"I didn't feel as if I was going to make her dirty with my touch. I felt my soul lighten when she looked into my eyes and I swear my heart stopped for a second when we hugged." Edward lowered his eyes in embarrassment. He didn't want Dr. Tanner to see him get misty eyed.
"Edward, you have every right to feel that way. There's no reason for Bella or any other girl to think any differently about you. You're beginning to understand that now. That's progress."
Edward's gaze returns to the window. A typical Northern Washington, November day had materialized since his arrival. The day had turned overcast-grey and droplets of moisture were clinging to the windowpanes of Dr. Tanner's office. With a heavy sigh, he realized that he'd have to drive home in the rain.
"Ignoring me isn't going to change the fact that you're healing." Edward hated the slight smugness in his doctor's voice. He didn't want to admit Dr. Tanner was right. Because then he'd really have to deal with what had been done to him.
In the last month, he'd begun to feel anger start to bubble up when he thought about how Tanya had used him and what she'd deprived him of. He was also starting to resent how his father and brother had treated him. Where was their support? Where was their unconditional love? How would he be able to deal with the betrayal of his father and brother?
Dr. Tanner broke into his thoughts. "Edward, we're going to take this slowly. But you have to admit to yourself that you have changed."
"I know." Edward admitted quietly.
"Good." Dr. Tanner exclaimed happily, shutting his notebook with a slap. "I'm very happy with your progress. I'm sorry about what happened to your friend, and I understand that's still weighing on you, but you're moving forward and that's all I can ask of you. I think that's a good stopping place for this week unless you have something else."
Edward's eyes darted quickly around the room as he gathered his thoughts.
"Um, do you think I should tell Bella about, um, Tanya and everything?"
Dr. Tanner's eyes narrowed slightly as he pondered Edward's question. "Are you ready for her to know everything?"
Edward looked up and shook his head. "But I want her to be my girlfriend. I don't think it's fair to not tell her something about my past."
"I agree that you and Bella may be at a point in your relationship where it's prudent to begin discussing what happened. I think that you should only divulge what you feel comfortable with."
"Do you think she'll hate me?" He asked worriedly.
Dr. Tanner resisted the urge to groan out loud as the progress they'd just made seemed to slip away. "Edward, you did nothing wrong. You were the victim. Do you think Bella is the type of person to judge you for being a victim?"
"No, she's not." Dr. Tanner breathed a sigh of relief as Edward answered immediately.
"Then give her a chance, just be careful. It sounds as if she's gone through a lot last weekend. Sharing pieces of your past might make her feel more comfortable opening up to you about hers. Perhaps you'll be able to help each other heal?"
"That's my hope."
~~TDP~~
"Are you sure you're ready?" Charlie's eyes narrowed in concern as he watched his daughter zip up her book bag.
"I'm okay." Bella tried to sound convincing so her father wouldn't worry. She wasn't one hundred percent, but Isabella Marie Swan, was a fighter, not a hider. Besides, Alice had already threatened to climb in her window to see her. Not to mention that Edward had been calling her for the last two days, inquiring about her welfare. Bella didn't return his calls because she hadn't felt ready to talk about everything but she realized that she wanted to see him.
"I don't know, maybe one more day?"
"I'm fine." She assured him before slinging her book bag over her shoulder and walking towards the back door. Bella paused with her hand on the knob and turned back towards Charlie. "Um, dad, will you please look for the book today?"
Upon hearing her request, Charlie's lips pursed tightly and his eyes narrowed. He'd been hoping she would forget about the book. He should have realized that his daughter didn't give up easily. He also understood that she inherited that trait from him. Sighing heavily, he nodded. "I'll look for it. But you have to promise me-"
"I know, I know. I won't get crazy like mom did." Bella promised with a wave as she walked out the door.
"I pray you can keep that promise." Charlie whispered to the empty room.
~~TDP~~
Bella made it all the way to the school parking lot before allowing her emotions to break through the façade she'd shown her father. As her classmates milled around the parking lot, joking and laughing on their way to the old brick building, Bella Swan sat alone in her car wiping away the tears that rolled down her flushed cheeks. After her talk with Charlie, Sunday morning, exhaustion had caught up with her. A nap turned into a deep slumber that she hadn't awakened from until Monday afternoon. They'd shared a quiet meal of macaroni and cheese, one of the three meals that her father knew how to cook, in their small kitchen as the sun slowly set on the day. Charlie hadn't made an issue of Bella missing class. In fact, it was his idea for her to take another day off. They'd both gone through an emotional event. He wasn't immune to the effects that event had taken on his body and was keenly aware of how his daughter had been affected. Bella knew her father was worried about her. And in an effort to relieve him of some of the guilt he harbored, she had put on a happy face and trundled off to school Wednesday morning. Now, alone in her car, she allowed her happy face to fall as her classmates questioning glances penetrated the thick windshield of her car.
"Bella, are you okay?" Bella's head shot up at the sound of Edward's voice. She hastily wiped her face and turned towards the window.
"Hi," she said shyly not knowing how to convey to him what she needed at that moment. Her world was breaking into pieces that made no sense and she needed someone to help keep her composed as she attempted to put things back together.
Edward looked into her desperate eyes. Understanding what he was seeing, he wasted no words and quickly enveloped her into a tight hug. It took everything Bella had in her to not give up and melt into his arms as she gratefully accepted his comfort. They stood tightly embraced for several minutes. Their classmates' stares went unnoticed by the two teens.
They broke apart when the first tardy bell rang out. Edward took Bella's bag from her and slung it over his shoulder to lay with his. He took her right hand and together they silently made their way into the building.
Edward skillfully steered them through the crowded hallway, not stopping until they reached Bella's locker.
"Here's your bag. I'll see you at lunch." He handed her the book bag and gently kissed her forehead before turning to run up the stairs to his first period class. Bella stood in mute confusion as she watched him go. He hadn't asked her how she was, where she'd been for the last two days or why she'd broken down at the party. He'd simply taken her hand and guided her into school with a silent strength that made her feel cherished and protected. With one kiss, the boy who she thought she was saving had saved her. With one action, he had wordlessly conveyed that he was there for her. In spite of the weight she felt on her shoulders, a small smile graced her face. As she hastily threw her bag in her locker, grabbing the books she needed to get through the morning, Bella felt a renewed sense of strength rush through her body.
"Why didn't you call me?" Alice asked almost as soon as Bella sat down at the lunch table.
Bella shrugged, taking out her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Another of the three dishes her father could master. "Honestly, I just didn't want to talk about it."
Not to be put off so easily, Alice eyed her best friend warily. "B, what happened last Saturday night was some serious stuff. Don't you think we should talk about it?"
Alice was probably one of the few people who understood how deeply her mother's disappearance had affected Bella, and how much energy she put in to no allowing it to rule her life. Alice was also keenly aware of just how badly those words from Saturday night, cruel prank or not, had affected her. As such, Bella's best friend was probably the person that she should discuss things with. However, she couldn't stop thinking that it was Edward who she wanted to speak with first.
"We will, I just need some time to figure things out." Alice reluctantly accepted her explanation. She didn't fully understand why Bella would suddenly need to figure something out without her input. That wasn't the usual way they handled things.
"So, where is Jasper?" Bella asked, quickly changing the subject. Alice's face paled slightly at her question.
"Um, I don't know. I haven't seen him since Saturday." Bella almost dropped her sandwich at Alice's confession.
Bella was instantly concerned. "He hasn't been to class? What happened?"
Alice's big blue eyes lowered to her lap. "I guess he's mad at me because I wouldn't leave the party with him." Bella suddenly remembered that Jasper and his friend, Lucian had left Cullen's house during her breakdown.
"I'm so sorry." Bella apologized quickly, laying a comforting hand on Alice's arm.
"No. Don't be sorry. You needed me. He should have respected that, but he was too far up Lucian's ass to act like a proper boyfriend. Besides, maybe you were right. We were moving pretty fast." Bella's mouth dropped open in surprise. She was no fan of the weird blond boy, but Alice's total change in direction was astounding and completely unexpected.
"Have you broken up?" Bella asked in a hushed voice.
Alice's shoulders slumped and she began to tap her fingers on the cracked table top. "I don't know. I hope not." She added quietly. "He hasn't called me since the party. Honestly, the longer we're apart the more worried I get. I don't want to lose him." Tears threatened to spill from her glossy eyes.
As much as Bella didn't like Jasper, she hated seeing Alice so upset. "I'm still sorry. But I can't thank you enough for being there when I needed you."
Alice snuffed back her tears and leaned over to hug her friend. "I love you Bella. I don't know why it feels like I forgot just how much."
Before Bella could form words to return her feelings, Alice pulled away and nodded towards the entrance of the cafeteria where Edward had appeared.
"It appears as if someone is looking for you." Bella couldn't contain her smile as Edward saw them and began walking to their table.
"Hi Alice," Edward called out, with a head nod before sitting down next to Bella.
"Hi." He whispered, quickly taking her hand in his.
"Hey." She answered quietly keenly aware of the blush that was rapidly covering her body, starting where their hands touched.
"So, what do you think about that history assignment that Mrs. Hollenbach handed out this morning?" Edward asked to the table as he one-handedly began to unpack his lunch.
"I don't know, haven't we learned all we need too about WWII?" Alice asked as she absently began picking at her salad.
"I think there's still a lot to still learn. I mean, we certainly don't want history repeating itself." Edward added, his mouth full of turkey sandwich.
"You guys talking about the history assignment?" Ben inquired as he and Angela took their seats at the table.
"I think it's interesting. I mean, we all know what an undeniable bastard Hitler was but I had no idea he was into the occult as well as a drug addict."
Bella sat in silent amazement as her friends took the opportunity to discuss their new history module rather than grill her about what had happened Saturday night or where she'd been the last two days. She suddenly realized that she'd been almost holding her breath waiting for the questions to start. Those who were at the party had been shooting her glances all morning that were half consoling and half fearful. For the most part she'd been able to ignore them. Angela had been her best defense as the girl had pretty much accused most of the party goers of being the one who had moved the game piece around and had all but threatened them with retribution from Charlie. They'd all denied it of course but then, as teens are known to do, they turned on each other and began to accuse one another of being the perpetrator. Angela's threats were especially effective as no one wanted to be the one who voiced their belief that they'd been visited by a ghost. T hinking that one of their friends was a cold-hearted asshole was more acceptable to the teen brain than believing in the Boogeyman.
"Hey, are you going to eat those chips?" Ben asked hopefully with his right hand extended toward Bella's untouched bag of Cheddar Cheese Ruffles.
"No, they don't really go with my chunky peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich." Bella joked before pushing the bag over to an appreciative Ben.
"Thanks B! With a wink before unceremoniously ripping open the bag, the lunch table returned to their previous conversation, continuing to ignore the pink elephant in the room.
Lunch ended without Edward letting go of Bella's hand and continued to do so all the way to biology class; a development that was not unnoticed by the meandering students passing them in the hallway.
They took their seats and got their books out only to release each other when Mr. Banner walked in to start class.
"Would you would like to come over to my house?" Edward asked as Bella was putting away her books after her last class.
Bella turned to look at him. He was smiling down at her but his eyes weren't quite reflecting what his mouth was trying to portray. Bella wondered at the bit of sadness reflected in his green eyes. He'd been so kind to her all day and she hated to tell him no, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to return to the Cullen's house. However, if it was important to him, she'd do it.
"Okay." Relief flooded Edward's face.
"Good. I'll meet you there." He promised, planting another kiss on her forehead before turning and rushing off down hallway. Bella stood in a perplexed daze as she watched him go.
"Don't look so confused, everyone can see that he has serious feelings for you." Bella glanced over to see Angela leaning against the locker next to hers.
"Yeah?"
"Definitely. If the way he acted Saturday night didn't clue you in then today should have. He barely left your side. "Angela quickly looked around the hallway, surveying the traffic. Seemingly satisfied that no one would over hear, she spoke again. "Hey, I know we're not as close as you and Alice are, but if you want to talk about what happened, I'm here."
"Thank you. I just…" Bella paused, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I don't know what I want. I spoke to my dad and things got even more confusing. Alice wants to talk about it but I'm not sure if she can be totally objective." Bella was still wary of opening up to Alice because of her involvement with Jasper. She felt a slight twinge of guilt admitted that fact.
"I get that." Angela nodded thoughtfully. "I can totally be objective." She promised.
"Edward wants to talk this afternoon." Bella said, deciding that she would take Angela up on her offer.
"About Saturday night?"
Bella shrugged. "I guess."
"Are you ready for that?"
"I don't know." Bella said honestly.
Not a lot of movement in this chapter but in order to go forward the way I want, this chapter needed to happen.
I'm a HUGE WWII nut and that stuff about Hitler is true. The History Channel is one of my favorite channels and I routinely binge watch WWII shows while I write.
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Until next time, have fun and stay safe!
ruinedbyrob
