Thank you for all of the amazing reviews for the last chapter. I really appreciate your support.
Huge thanks to Sazzledazzled and EdwardsFirstKiss. I was spinning my wheels on this chapter and they stepped in with a tow rope and tugged me out of the mud. I did a little tinkering after EdwardsFirstKiss did her Beta magic. All mistakes are mine.
2brown-eyes made the banner for TDP and I can't thank her enough for contributing to my story.
Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight world. I'm eternally grateful she decided to share it with all of us.
The Devil's Plan
Chapter 16
Confessions and Promises
"Mom, I invited Bella over."
"How is that sweet girl?" Esme put down the laundry basket she was carrying and fixed her son with a worried look. It has taken every bit of Esme's willpower to not invade the Swan house to see if Bella was recovering from the shock of the party.
Edward shrugged sadly. "She was crying in her car when I found her this morning." His heart had broken when he saw her sobbing in the parking lot. The speech he'd prepared to give her listing all of his good points in the hopes that she would allow him to be her boyfriend was long forgotten when he'd seen her. Instead, all he could think about was taking her in his arms and soothing her.
Esme gasped and pressed her hand to her heart, obviously feeling empathy for Bella's pain. "I should bake some cookies before she gets here? Or would she rather have a sandwich? " Edward watched his mother begin to busy herself with baking preparations.
"Mom, wait." Frowning, Esme put down the mixing bowl and turned towards her son. "You don't need to go to that kind of trouble. In fact, I think Bella would prefer it if you didn't go to any trouble at all." Edward walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a bag of iced animal crackers. He didn't know if Bella was particularly fond of this type of cookie, but then he didn't know anyone who didn't like them. "These will be fine."
"Can I at least make some lemonade?" Edward had to chuckle at the half pout his mother had plastered on her face. "I think that would be fine."
As Esme busied herself in the kitchen, preparing for her arrival, Bella was sitting in her car surveying the Cullen house with growing anxiety.
Unlike the rest of Forks, Bella was convinced that Grandma Swan had spoken to her in that basement. The very basement that resided in the house that sat before her. The rational part of her brain reminded her that it was also the house where up until three days ago, had felt like a second home to her and where Esme Cullen treated her like a daughter. Bella felt the beginnings of a fresh batch of tears begin to form as the thought of her mother returned to her mind. She hastily wiped them away and got out of her car. There was still so much she didn't understand about what had happened with her mother and now she had so many questions about her family history swirling around in her head it made her dizzy.
Bella squared her shoulders, took a deep breath and knocked on the Cullen's front door. Her hand was barely off the door before it was wrenched open, revealing both a smiling Esme and Edward.
"Hi." Bella uttered with a sincere smile only seconds before she was engulfed in Esme's arms.
"Bella, I'm so happy to see you." Bella could feel a lot of the tension in her shoulders and neck dissolve in Esme's embrace. Too soon, Esme pulled back but didn't let her go completely. "I'm always here for you. If you ever need to talk…Anything." She promised, squeezing Bella's hand.
"Thank you." Bella whispered around the lump in her throat.
"Come in sweetie. I've got fresh lemonade in the kitchen."
Bella waved at Edward as his mother led her into the kitchen where as promised, there sat a pitcher of lemonade amidst plates of cut up apples, orange slices, celery sticks, individual cups of peanut butter, caramel dip and Nutella. Bella eyed the spread and glanced at Edward.
He shrugged. "Don't look at me. I told her not to go to any trouble."
"I didn't." His mother protested as she let go of Bella's hand to place a bowl on the table. "Look, Edward picked these."
"Iced animal crackers? Those are my favorite." Bella reached out and grabbed a lion out of the bowl and unceremoniously popping it into her mouth, relishing the taste of the cinnamon and sweet icing.
Edward loved watching Bella enjoy herself and hated that he might ruin things with what he was going to say. "Um, do you want to take our snacks and go into the sunroom?" Normally he would have suggested the family room in the basement, but thought better of it. With Bella in agreement, they moved into the glass enclosed room.
Esme had attempted to decorate the room as cheerfully as possible considering that calling any room in Forks a sunroom was widely inaccurate when it reflected grey on all sides ninety-percent of the time. Bright colored fabrics and lush green plants worked together bringing a sense of 'sunniness' to the room. Her hard work was much appreciated as Bella felt her mood lighten just walking into the cheery room.
With their glasses of lemonade and assorted snacks placed within easy reach, Edward began to reveal why he'd invited Bella over.
"Um, you're probably wondering why I wanted you to come over today."
Bella sighed and nodded her head. "Yeah." All of his actions today made her curious.
"You're probably also wondering about the hand holding and stuff too?" Bella lowered her eyes and bit her lip shyly as the memory of the forehead kisses replayed in her head. "Well, the thing is, I, um, I probably should have asked you if all of that was okay, but I guess my instincts just took over and well… It was wrong of me to do that, I took advantage of you. I forced my intentions on you. You were sad and I-"
"Stop! You didn't take advantage of me." Edward looked away, his face twisted in frustration. Bella was taken aback at why he would choose those words. She quickly leaned over and placed her hand on his. "Why would you say that? You were perfect. Edward, I felt protected and well, I really liked the kissing and hand holding." Suddenly a terrible thought flashed into her head. "Do you regret it?" Edward's head was still turned away; she was unable to read his expression.
"No!" Was his immediate and emphatic reply. "But it was wrong of me to assume-"
Bella couldn't take it any longer. Every bit of the past month's sexual tension and the frustrations over the last couple of days burst through her protective covering as she launched herself at him, capturing his lips in a forceful kiss.
Edward was caught off guard, but hesitated for only a moment before returning her kiss. Their kiss was hurried, off kilter and slightly frantic but neither thought it was anything but perfect.
Too soon, Bella pulled away. Her eyes shifted downward to her lap as her lips curled into a small smile.
"Wow!" Edward breathed out. "That was-"
"-A long time coming." Bella finished with a grin.
"Yeah, I guess it was." He understood what she meant. Their relationship should have been at this point weeks ago. "If it's any consolation, I've wanted to do that for weeks."
"Really?" He nodded as her eyes narrowed slightly. "Then why haven't you? I've been practically throwing myself at you. Why would you wait until I'm a basket case to show your feelings?" She asked referring to the obvious displays of affection that he had no problem with at school. "Are you one of those damsels in distress guys who only want a girl who needs constant protection? Because while I appreciate the support, I'm not that girl." At least she didn't intend to be that girl. Admittedly the last couple of days had painted a different picture.
"What? No!" Edward shouted as Bella eyed him warily. He knew it was time to come clean. "The reason we left Seattle was because of me. Something I did, something horrible." Edward lowered his head and began fidgeting with his hands. Since leaving Dr. Tanner's office that day before, he'd been psyching himself up to tell his story, and now when it was time. He found his fears of Bella's rejection were foremost in his mind, taking the place of the tremendous guilt he was used to feeling. Bella shifted in her seat and calmed his fidgeting hand.
"Edward, there's no way I would ever think you could do something horrible." She promised.
"You don't know! And when I tell you, you're going to never speak to me again!" He pulled his hand away from her, jumping from his seat and rushing to stand by the closest window. He couldn't bear to look at her face when she learned the truth.
He heard Bella sigh loudly behind him.
"Edward, just tell me. I promise to listen and not judge." He wanted so much to believe her.
"There was this girl, no, a woman in Seattle."
"A girlfriend?" Edward chuckled grimly at her question. Six months ago he would have called Tanya his girlfriend but not now. Their relationship didn't fit that description and was nothing like the one he still hoped to have with Bella.
"No. Tanya was definitely not my girlfriend. I was more like her toy, but I was much too stupid to realize that until recently. She was so beautiful and paid attention to me. Girls had never paid attention to me before her."
Bella's incredulousness echoed in the glass room causing Edward to turn at look at her. His eyes were unusually dark. Bella was surprised at the anger in his expression. Did he seriously not understand how beautiful he was?
"Edward, you're gorgeous." He shook his head at her lie. "Stop that!" She ordered, before getting up from the settee to stand beside him. "I've never lied to you and I'm not going to start now. You are the handsomest, kindest, most respectful man I've ever met in my life and I'm not the only one who thinks you're attractive. Practically every female in school is after you. How can you not know that?"
"Because it's never happened before!" He answered honestly. He didn't know if what she was saying was true, but he wasn't lying either. And to be honest, it didn't really matter. There was no one before Tanya.
"Tanya was the first woman to look at me as someone other than Esme and Carlisle's awkward son or Emmett's little brother." Bella noticed again that he used the term woman instead of girl. A ball of worry began to form in the pit of her stomach.
"Edward what did that woman do to you?"
"Everything. And I let her. I wanted it." Edward's shoulders sagged when he heard her gasp from behind him.
"Did she, did she assault you?" The thought of something so utterly heinous happening to Edward made her blood run cold.
"No. At least not in the way you're thinking." Bella wished his words did more to dismiss her uneasiness. He didn't completely deny that he was assaulted in some way.
"Then what? What happened? You're speaking in riddles and in all honesty I have my own riddles to solve, I don't want-"
"I fucked a married woman!"
Edward's admission hung in the air like a parachute falling in slow motion. Bella could see it tumbling down with its billowy arms reaching towards her and she knew that once it got close enough to touch her, she'd be helpless to its impact. Yet, there she remained in its way, waiting for contact.
The young man across the room, with his forehead pressed forlornly against the cold window pane, was also waiting. He was waiting to hear the sounds of her retreating footsteps as she made her escape or the words of disappointment for his actions and her regret for having given him her friendship.
Silence filled the room as Bella processed what he'd said and what it meant for their relationship. She looked across the room to the where he was propped up against the window. His demeanor indicated to her that whatever he was about to tell her was causing him a tremendous amount of pain. He looked like a soul that had been deeply hurt and was not healed, and his willingness to share this part of his past with her had to mean that he wanted her to know the darkness he carried within him. She hoped, it meant that she was his future. Gathering her strength, and pushing back all of her own worries and hurt, she got up and walked over to him.
"Edward, tell me." She encouraged quietly placing a hand on his back, hating that he shuddered under her touch.
"I can't tell you everything. Not yet anyway." He added quietly. Edward knew that what he was going to tell her would be enough to make her flee. There was no reason to go into the worst of his crimes if she were already going to run. If by the grace of God, she stayed. He would confess the worst of it later.
"I'm afraid that when you know all of it you'll never look at me the same way again." He stammered, pulling slightly away from her touch.
"Edward, nothing you can say will change how I feel about you. Just tell me whatever you feel comfortable with. I won't judge." Bella persisted.
Slowly, he turned to look at her. He heard the sincerity in her voice but needed to see it in her eyes. Bella nearly lost her composure when she saw the full effect of his pain on his beautiful face.
"Do you promise?" He asked, knowing that he sounded childish, but needing her answer.
"I promise." His plea made her stomach drop. But she gave her promise anyway, hoping that she would be able to keep it.
Edward swallowed loudly and nodded, accepting her oath. "Um, can we sit back down?" Bella agreed and sat down on the settee, expecting him take the seat next to her. She tried to hide her disappointment when he sat across from her instead.
Edward noticed her frustration. "I'm sorry. I just think that it will be easier for me if I have a little distance."
"Okay. Whatever you need." Bella offered with a small smile.
Edward took a deep breath trying to gather his strength. With his eyes on the floor, he began. "Her name was Tanya Volturi, and she was the wife of my father's boss. She was my mother's friend and the mother of Alec, Emmett's best friend since childhood." Once again, he paused for her gasp and accompanying steps of retreat. He took a chance and looked at her. She was looking off into the distance, her face impassive. "I think it might be easier if you ask questions." Edward sighed in relief when she turned to face him and nodded her agreement.
"How old was she?"
"She was thirty-nine when we, um started." Bella's eyes darted to his in surprise.
"What do you mean when you 'started'?"
"Our affair lasted a year."
Bella did the calculations in her head. She knew that he had turned seventeen last June which meant he was at least sixteen when it started. That woman was twenty-three years older than him!
"Was it consensual?" Bella's hands clenched tightly. She knew that the age of consent in Washington State was sixteen, but that fact didn't stop her from feeling that he'd been taken advantage of by the older woman.
"I already told you it was." He stated with a calmness that his rapid heartbeat and shaking hands denied.
"Why?" Edward's head shot up at her unexpected question.
He shrugged. "Because she wanted me." Bella shook her head at his too simple answer.
"Edward, almost every girl in our school has a crush on you." It was hard enough knowing most of the female population also dreamt about him at night. But the thought that he slept with any woman that wanted him- that was almost unthinkable.
"I don't know what you think, but before I came here, before you, there was no one that even gave me a second look. Except for her."
"I have a hard time believing…" She stopped talking when he got up and walked over to a low cabinet. He leaned down and pulled out a large book. Edward turned and handed it to her. The book was a photo album. Bella rubbed her hand over the engraved cover that read, Edward Anthony Cullen in raised lettering.
"Look at it." He ordered, sharply.
Bella met his eyes briefly before opening the book expecting to see bronze-haired, green-eyed chubby baby pictures. What she found was a lanky, bespectacled teen Edward with braces and a fairly serious case of acne who didn't smile for the camera. She figured that he expected to see her pull back in horror. But all she could see was the beautiful boy that had been her rock all day at school. She flipped through the pages, pictures of Edward in various situations; birthdays, holiday gatherings, Edward at the pool, on a golf course. "You play golf?" The last several pages showed Edward in different golf poses and accepting awards with golf clubs on them.
"I used to." He answered with a frown.
"It looks like you were really good."
"Yeah, I was."
"Why did you stop?" Bella asked.
"Forks doesn't have a golf team." He admitted quietly with downcast eyes.
Bella nodded thoughtfully at his meaning. The move to Forks took away his chances to play. She let it drop and kept looking at the book. The next pages revealed Edward sitting on a dais behind a baby grand piano.
"You play the piano too?"
"Yes." He said solemnly.
"What's your favorite kind of music to play?" She'd always wanted to learn but had never been able to talk Charlie into shelling out the money for lessons and a piano.
"I prefer classical."
"Why haven't I heard you play?"
"I haven't really had much reason to play. Bella, is that all that you're noticing? Don't you see the way I look?" His exasperated tone disturbed Bella.
"What do you want me to see?" She pleaded.
"Look at me!" He demanded. "I was gangly, shy, acne ridden…I certainly wasn't anyone's crush!"
Bella was taken aback at his shouted statement. "Edward, I don't see what you see. All I see is a talented young man who didn't smile much. I don't understand what this has to do with that relationship."
Edward hung his head and rubbed the back of his neck in obvious frustration before abruptly leaving his chair to stand in front of her.
"You wanted to know why I let her in? She made me feel good. She made me feel smart, talented, wanted and sexy. Tanya didn't think of me as a kid. When I spoke, she listened and never spoke down to me. She asked my opinions on current events, art and we discussed my music. She encouraged me to start wearing contacts, see a dermatologist and to start working out. For the first time, I didn't feel ignored or invisible. I finally meant something to someone!" Bella recoiled at his statement.
"Edward, how can you say that? You have a family that loves you. Look at all the pictures they took of just these accomplishments."
"Do you see my family in those pictures?" Bella shook her head and began leafing through the book again. "No, you don't. Do you want to know why?" He asked, not waiting for her answer before continuing. "They were too busy. Our housekeeper took most of those pictures. Dad was at the hospital, mom at her business and social events and Emmett at his football games and hanging out with his friends. None of them could spare a moment for me."
"Edward, I understand that you may feel that way but your family loves you. It just sounds as if they were very busy leading their own lives. I think you might be making more of their absence-"
"Stop! Don't defend them!" He ordered defensively. "Do you have any idea what it's like to know that people who are supposed to love and support you would rather be anywhere but with you?!" Bella blanched at his statement. He couldn't know those words had been her entire existence since her mother disappeared.
"Actually, I know exactly how that feels." Her confession slipped out in a barely audible whisper.
Edward stopped his pacing. "What?" He asked, confused by her whispered admission.
"Nothing. Never mind." Now wasn't the time to get into her history. "Edward, it sounds as if there is more to this story. Are you blaming your family for the affair?"
Edward's eyes blazed at her question. "Is that what you think I'm doing? I don't blame them but they sure as hell blame me!" Bella opened her mouth to speak but stopped when Edward began to ramble.
"How can you stand to be in the same room with me?! I broke up a marriage. I ruined two families and allowed my own ch-." He abruptly stopped the rest of his sentence and turned towards Bella. His eyes glistened with tears and his fists were balled up so tightly, his knuckles were dabs of white against the redness of his hands. She'd wanted to ask what he was keeping from her, but her heart broke at his appearance. Bella's questions were pushed back into the recesses of her mind. Her only concern was the tears streaming down his flushed face.
Edward fell to his knees, taking her hand. "I'm a terrible person, I don't deserve you but I'm trying really hard to make up for what I've done and I don't think I can do it without you. I don't want to do it without you." He added earnestly.
Bella didn't bother to wipe at her own tears before putting a hand in his soft hair and pulling him close.
"Edward, you've got me. I promise."
So, we got a little of Edward's background in this one. There's more but you'll have to check back for the rest. *wink, wink*
Jasper and Rosalie will be back in the next chapter. So all you J and R lovers out there…HAHAHA! I crack myself up. There are no J&R fans! But seriously, they'll be back.
Until next time, have fun and be safe.
ruinedbyrob.
