Man this took forever. So sorry. I had the second chapter of Lighthouse done awhile ago but I want to update this two fics at the same time. Why? Not sure but I just do. Seems right to do it that way. So bold and with the squiggly line ~ is Wakandan. Just so we're clear. Also, you guys see the Black Widow trailer yet? So excited! I'm already thing about what the mid and end credit scenes could be. Anywho, let me know what you guys think of this chapter? Thank you to cm214326 for the favorite! *WARNING: mentions of suicide*
~"How is she?"~
Okoye's question had him pausing, thinking about the last several days. Thor had kept his grief hidden well but later in the night, after the battle, he must have finally let that pain out because Wanda had also become distraught and started sobbing. Though Thor had been in a different part of the palace Wanda had been able to pick up on his feelings.
The next day Bucky had gotten up early to talk to Thor, letting him know that Wanda, sensing the Asgardian's grief, would probably try to avoid him and to not take it personally. Thor had tried to apologize but the brunette super soldier had waved it away, letting the other man know it was okay to be in pain, especially with everything that had happened to him.
Luckily the arrival of his people helped with some of that grief, though according to Wanda, the pain was still there, festering. Bucky was cautious about how that would manifest in the future.
But what reprieve she had gotten from the recovered refugees evaporated when the Guardians made landfall. Four of the remaining members were grieving the lost of their friend and sister while the fifth, Peter Quill, was grieving a different kind of pain.
A pain that was felt by Wanda and made worse when she thought of the situation years ago, when he had been hunted for the UN bombing. How she could have lost him back then. Or even now as they waited on word from Stark and Colonel Rhodes about what the Accords had to say in regards to their stunt to save the universe.
~"The others don't bother her as much, especially since we moved back home."~
After Peter and his crew showed up Bucky had gently suggested to Wanda that they go back to their round house, as a reprieve from the emotions. They would and could still come back to the palace if need be but for her sake, he'd feel better if they distanced themselves. Just until Thor and Peter were able to process their grief without having it affect her. She'd agreed.
However with Pietro, he'd simply asked if the speedster wanted to head back with them. The male Sokovian had elected to hang around the palace, reacquainting with the others. Bucky was pretty sure that decision also had something to do with Nceba, the Dora Milaje he'd seen Pietro chatting up in the recent months.
~"And her visions?"~
Bucky frowned. Wanda hadn't outright said anything to him but he knew the signs of when she used her scarlet to see things others couldn't. Whether she closed her eyes or not she always had little twitches, the pulling of her lips or slight furrowing of her eyebrows. When she did have her eyes open, they always glazed over and she would fall into a sort of trance. He was sure she thought he hadn't noticed but he knew her.
They had started after the battle, later that evening when everyone had gathered in Shuri's lab to discuss what to do with the gauntlet. During the meeting, as everyone talked, Bucky had noticed Wanda's attention fixate on the stones embedded in the metal glove. He knew her abilities had somehow been granted or possibly unlocked by the mind stone and had a sort of link to that particular gem but instead she'd seemed captivated by the faintly glowing orange one.
That night Bucky had been woken up by Wanda's twitching form next to him. Because of their shared pasts, waking to the thrashing of the other wasn't uncommon and both had become sensitive to movement when they slept side-by-side. This sensitivity had been honed so sharply that the slightest jar triggered them into consciousness.
And so he had woken up to Wanda's twitching, her mumblings and frowning. As usual he'd gone to gently rub at her back using his metal arm, the arm least likely to get damaged, and suddenly he'd seen things.
The ripples of water beneath his feet. Everything around him empty and seemingly to go on and on. Flashes of a jade-skinned little girl in an elaborate dress. More flashes of the same girl only she was standing next to a tall blonde man just beyond a beautiful pillared archway. And all of it tinted in a burnt sienna-like hue.
That had been the only one he'd seen but he saw little glimpses of more trance-like behavior from her, both at home and at the palace. Something they had discovered during their time visiting the others in the capital was that, while he was sure the soul stone was the cause of the strange dreams and visions, Wanda was able to block out Thor and Peter easier when she was close to the gauntlet.
They had taken to spending time in the infirmary as it was only a couple stories about Shuri's lab, sitting and gazing out the large windows when things got too much, relying on the dampening effect the stones had to Wanda's empathic abilities.
~"Except for that first night I haven't seen anything but she'll slip into her trances here and there."~
Okoye nodded, before taking a swipe at him and switching to jabbing her spear at his torso. They were in the Dora Milaje's training room, a place Wanda and himself knew well, blowing off some restlessness. He dodged just as quick, slipping a vibranium knife from the sheath on his belt and pressed forward, the two weapons bouncing and sparking off each other as the pair parried back and forth.
~"What of the two people you saw the one time? Do you know who they could be?"~
Okoye hardly sounded out of breath as they chased each other around, trying to take advantage of Bucky's human appendage. Thanks to Hydra's bastardized serum, he was more than just a metal arm and he sent a blow her way with his right fist, the General choosing to fall to the floor to dodge, followed by a tuck-and-roll then springing right back up and slashing the spear at him once more.
~"Nothing confirmed. But by the Guardians descriptions, the little girl might be Gamora. Same colored skin and hair. The age is different but considering she was dragged off by Thanos to go get a mystical rock called the soul stone and didn't come back? Chances are it's her. I just don't know who the man is."~
Finally Bucky feigned right, ducked down, and threw Okoye to the floor, looming over her with his knife a few centimeters from her neck. He also noticed the tip of her spear's blade pressed against his chest and angled in a way that would slip between his ribs and enter his heart just enough for a fatal blow.
She smirked up at him. ~"You missed the spear."~
He had. In his take down, he'd completely forgotten the collapsible feature of her weapon, changing it from a spear to a sizable dagger. Rookie mistake that would have been his last had this exercise been real. He gave a huff as he helped her up. "Damn it."
She laughed at him, switching to English. "Do not be upset White Wolf. We all slow down in our old age."
He rolled his eyes at her. "Yeah, yeah real funny."
He was just putting his knife away when Okoye grew quiet for a second before speaking again.
~"You have a visitor."~
He followed her line of sight over his shoulder to the blonde Russian walking through the doorway. He let out a sigh. That was something he also needed to deal with. Okoye nodded at him, motioning to leave but she paused and turned back. With a smirk she crosses her arms quickly in the traditional Wakandan salute then spun back and walked off before he could protest.
~"You know how I feel about that."~ He called to her but she ignored him, giving Natasha a nod and disappearing out the door.
The blonde had a puzzled look on her face, stopping a few feet away and pointing behind her in Okoye's direction. "She's not the first person to do that to you or Wanda. I apologize if it's invasive but why?"
"It's not invasive or anything. It's not even a big deal. After nearly half a year in Wakanda Shuri performed something she called a 'friendship bonding ceremony.' It was actually more along the lines of adoption. Very traditional, very absolute. She bonded me, Wanda, and the kids to her, making us her family regardless of the lack of blood. When Ramonda and T'Challa found out, instead of berating her, they repeated the same ceremony."
Natasha looked speechless for a second, her eyes slightly wide at the news. "So…becoming a prince of Wakanda, thus having a degree of diplomatic immunity which would keep you, Wanda, and the kids out of Ross' hands, is no big deal?"
Bucky paused. "Well, when you say it like that."
The Russian gave a huff, shaking her head at his words. She seemed to think for a second, giving a firm nod. "It would explain why the guards and Dora Milaje treat you and Wanda the way that they do. The crossing of arms, the looks and nods when someone wants to talk to you alone. The fact that there's always at least two Dora Milaje's following the kids around."
Bucky nodded. "Apparently in the beginning of our stay Jamie had a bit of a melt down when she heard about Ross hunting for me and the ex-Avengers. She ran off to vent to Shuri, because she figured the princess was a genius like Tony and could fix anything, and that's when Shuri came up with the ceremony."
Natasha nodded. "There'd be quite the fight if he came looking. Especially with how Shuri reacted with Tony earlier."
There was a lull in conversation and Bucky could feel the awkwardness building between them. He wasn't even sure how to start this talk. Well here went nothing.
"Do…do you remember the airport? The Avengers split and facing each other?"
Natasha frowned. "I don't like to think about it but yeah. What of it?"
Bucky shifted his shoulders. "That was the first time I had met you."
Her head tilted. "That you remember?"
Bucky shook his head. "No, nearly all of my memories are back. It's really anything violent from my time with Hydra that's gone. Or more blocked I guess."
The blonde's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "So you remember non-violent memories during your time with Hydra?" She waited until he nodded to continue. "So you should…remember. From before the airport."
It seemed awkward for Natasha to talk about. For Bucky it was more horrifying those two years ago when, after deciding to pursue Wanda romantically, Sully had told him about the past interactions with Natasha. And Bucky could tell the Russian was trying to avoid saying it out loud, probably due to his relationship with Wanda and her friendship with the young mother.
"You're talking about what happened between me and you in the Red Room those years ago?"
She frowned and he knew it was because of the nonchalant tone of his voice. That companionship had meant something to the then redhead and he was sure hearing him talk about it so indifferently affected her.
He saw the mask slip on, no doubt in response to his words. Eyes blank the blonde barely moved her lips as she spoke. "Yes."
He nodded, thinking of how to explain what had really happened. Maybe he'd go with Wanda's way and just show her like the Sokovian had shown her brother what really happened between them during their time with Hydra. Bucky closed his eyes, searching out the always watching presence in the back of his mind.
~"Sully? A little help."~ A light-headed rush took over and Bucky felt like he was floating, sitting below the surface just enough to be able to hear the outside conversation.
…"What-who are you?"
"According to some, Sully. To everyone else, Zimniy Soldát."
… "You're the Winter Soldier."
"Yes."
"But, I thought the princess got rid of the programming. Got rid of…"
"Me?…No, what they did was get rid of the conditioning around the words but me? Doesn't work that way. I wasn't created by them."
"So who did?"
"You have to understand, I wasn't the only one in here."
…"I don't understand. There are more…soldiers in Barnes' head?"
"Were in his head. Less soldier, more alter. Including me, there were four of us. Four personalities."
Natasha was quiet and Bucky no doubt knew she was putting two and two together.
…"You're saying Barnes developed Multiple Personality Disorder because of his time with Hydra and you happened to be one of four personalities he created to protect his mind."
"Apparently it's called Dissociative Identity Disorder now but yes. Diagnosed by T'Challa's own medical team no less. After Hydra's fall Barnes went to ground and from then on until Bucharest, the other three gradually disappeared. I'm the only one left."
"Why?"
"Because I was created to protect. Barnes himself, the other alters even. Now my main directive includes Wanda and the kids. As long as there's a threat I'll be around. Probably for good."
"So, the Red Room. That wasn't Barnes but one of the others?"
~"Sully, let me come back."~
…"Hold on, Barnes wants to talk now."
The switch was seamless and all of Bucky's senses dialed up until he was back, still standing up right in the training room. The blonde spy was studying him intensely, no doubt to catch every little nuance that came with the switch but also the differences in body language once the exchange settled. She also had her arms crossed over her chest, usually an indication of uncertainty and defensiveness.
"The answer to your question? Yeah, it was one of the others. His name was Vinny, around mid twenties. By the time you two met, I'd been gone for a long time already, at least thirty years."
Natasha nodded. "So you had no idea what was going on? What-What me and Vinny were doing?"
He shook his head. "No, Sully had me buried pretty deep. Just a lot of emptiness. I didn't find out until a few years ago, after Gemany."
She shifted in place, arms tightening and her face a shade paler. "I'm sorry. For what happened. I should neve-"
"Forget it." Bucky cut her off. "There's nothing to forgive. It wasn't your fault. If anything the blame falls on Vinny. Granted he's not around any more but Sully gave him hell when he found out. But I do know, from what Sully shared with me a couple years ago, was that even though it ended badly, those years seemed to help you. To get a piece of yourself back from them."
Natasha was staring at the floor in thought but he did see the faint half smile. He knew what that was like. Wanda and Pietro did too. To fight for something that was just theirs, nothing to do with Hydra or the Red Room. He likened it to getting his mind, his soul, back after they'd tried so hard to destroy it.
"Why did Sully bury you?"
He glanced up, seeing her staring curiously. "Which time?"
"Well, you said you were gone, I'm assuming mentally, for roughly thirty years by the time me and…Vinny happened. What happened?"
Bucky paused. "It wasn't Sully at first. In the beginning Vinny tried to help, distracting me, hiding me away. But then they upped the torture and he couldn't block them anymore. He wasn't strong enough. That's when Ada was created. She could bury me for hours, even days at a time. But even then, after years and years of pain, torture just building and building, it became too much for even her. And that's when Sully was created. What they called a success was an alter that could, would, and did everything they asked, to protect all of us, not just me."
"His training went on for a couple years, controlled scenarios where they brought the victims to him in whatever bunker they had us at the time. Torture this lady, kill that man. Over and over, until they decided to do a mission to see how he would do away from Hydra, on the outside in field conditions. Go out and find this man, kill him, leave no witnesses. Apparently it didn't take Sully long to find the guy, he was at his home in Wales somewhere, and he did it. Killed him, killed the three people he was with. A successful mission. But it was more than that. It was a test, with completely different targets."
It didn't take Natasha to figure it out. "The other people he was with? His family?"
Bucky nodded, thinking back on that night. "I managed to wake up, breaking the hold Sully had over me. When I saw their bodies it's like Sully's intel on them flooded through me. The wife was a brunette, wore her hair in victory rolls, loved red lipstick, and had a British accent. The girl…the girl was about fourteen, hair giving off a light curl and photos of her showed a huge smile with visible dimples. Just like my sisters. And the son..." At this part Bucky stopped, his mind blanking out as Sully stepped in.
~"Stop. Let go."~
He let the alter take over, just enough to push back the visuals that sprang up in his mind. Natasha seemed to understand what he was trying to say.
"He looked like Steve, right? Probably from before the serum."
The super soldier let out a ragged breath, nodding tightly. "Right down to the floppy blonde hair, pneumonia, and cornstalk figure. I…I lost it. Started freaking out, yellin' and cryin'. I didn't notice the gun in my hand until I went to pull at my hair and it's like everything went away, my vision completely taken by the handgun. The others were just background noise, everyone shouting at me because all I could think about was the pain I had caused, the lives I'd taken even though it'd been Sully who pulled the trigger."
Bucky paused, a shiver running down his spine, but he continued. "It wasn't just the pain and grief though. It was the justice and sweet relief a bullet could grant me. I only managed to lift the gun a few inches before Sully took over, completely shutting me down and burying me so deep I would never have woken up. He knew that if given the chance, if I woke up even for a second, I'd try to take my own life. To repay the world for the bad I'd caused."
Bucky used the silence from Natasha to get himself under control. He didn't need Wanda sensing his emotional turmoil and freaking out.
Finally the blonde spy spoke. "So you'd been stuck in your head all that time? Right up until D.C?"
Bucky tilted his head in consideration. "Not necessarily. It was easier to come back after D.C. but only because I'd woken up for the second time in who knows how long a few weeks before that."
He watched Natasha's eyebrows furrow in calculation, knowing she'd make the connection. She nodded when it come to her. "You woke up when you met Wanda."
"Yeah." Bucky answered. "I had actually just come from Sokovia before the Pierce-Fury thing."
Natasha shook her head suddenly, a disbelieving chuckle coming from her. "I can't believe I didn't figure out you were Jamie's dad until she walked into that room a few days ago. I'm getting rusty."
"If it makes you feel any better Steve, who I've known since I was thirteen, had no idea until he saw me and Jamie together a day after Siberia."
She gave a happy hum. "It does actually. Something to hold over him. Clint too. I can't wait to tell-"
Her sentence was cut off when his kimoyo beads started flashing and blaring. Not good. He quickly flicked a bead out of alignment into his palm and Shuri appeared, panicked.
~"Brother! It's Wanda, there's something wrong with her. She's just taken the gauntlet from my lab and heading for the air field!"~
As soon as Bucky had heard Wanda's name he'd run off, and at the next intersection of hallway, he turned a different corner, speeding past a cluster of running King's Guard and Dora Milaje, no doubt heading to the same place he was going. ~"Do you know what happened?"~
~"Not completely. Her and the blue woman, Nebula were in my lab, just talking when the soul stone reached out and seemed to grab a hold of Wanda. It only lasted a few seconds but once it let go Wanda broke the security field around the glove and ran off with it, the blue woman with her."~
Bucky flew past the doors of the palace, vaguely aware of Natasha and the others following behind him, and was immediately assaulted by high winds as the Guardian's ship slowly rose in the air. With his enhanced sight he could see Nebula and what looked like the tips of Rocket's ears buckled into the pilot seats but behind them, also strapped in, was Pietro and the mother of his children.
"Wanda, what are you doing?"
He watched as she leaned forward in her seat, looking down at him. "I love you James. Take care of the children. I'll be back as soon as I can."
Bucky clenched his teeth in frustration. "Stop, Wanda. What happened? What did the soul stone do to you?"
"Nothing James. But I think it can fix things. Help us." Wanda's eye line shifted to something behind him. "It can help them."
He followed her stare and saw that the rest of the Guardians and Avengers had arrived. As soon as he saw Thor and Peter Quill he knew. He knew what she was planning. An especially violent gale of wind paired with a loud roar drew his attention and he turned back with only enough time for a firm nod from Pietro and small wave from Wanda before the large craft tilted back and shot upward, quickly disappearing from sight.
I just want everyone to be happy. This fic is gonna be much harder than Lighthouse. This is completely AU while the other is basically a retelling of Endgame. Lord give me strength. See everyone later! Peace out. -Mez
