I understand a lot of you are eager to see Prowl. He won't show up for a few more chapters.

I don't own transformers, just Mari.

Dialogue is as close to the movie as it can be, which means uncomfortable male-related conversation ahead!


The Glasses

Witwicky Living Room

Whatever fell out of the sky ended up right behind…

Judy turns to Ron. "What did he say?"

"What?" Ron asks.

"Did he hear it, too?"

"Yeah, Jack heard it, too. Yeah."

"What does he think it is?"

"He thinks it's a military experiment."

Judy scoffs. "What a knucklehead."

"Yeah, well, I think it's a plane."


The Autobots, now with Optimus in the lead, pull down Sam's road.


Still no official word as to what happened. You can see…

Yeah!

"Call Sam." Judy says.

"Yeah. Why?" Ron asks.

"He should be home in 15 minutes."

"Well, I'll call him in 15 minutes."

"If you wait 15 minutes, he'll be late and you'll have to ground him."

"Well, I can't ground him if he's not late, can I?"


Witwicky Back Yard

The Autobots pull into an alley behind our houses, causing Mojo to perk up.

Sam turns to the Autobots. "I need you to stay here, all right?" Sam turns to me. "Come on." Sam turns to Mikaela. "You got to stay here and you're gonna watch them."

"Okay, okay."

"All of them. Do you hear what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, okay, okay."

"Five minutes, all right?" Sam and I run through the yard, off the path.

Ron comes to the door. "Thanks for staying on my path."

"Oh, yeah. No, no, Dad. Hey! The… Oh, the path. I'm sorry. I forgot about the path. I'm gonna sweep the whole thing right now. How about that?"

"You know, I buy half your car…"

"Yeah."

"…then I bail you out of jail, and then I just decided to do all your chores."

"The chores."

"Yeah. Life is great, huh?"

"Life… Life is fantastic, is how good it is." Sam turns at the sound of metal clattering. An Autobot stands over the tree line. "It's so… Oh, the trash cans. Sorry, Dad. I'm gonna do the trash cans now."

"No, no, I don't want you to strain yourself."

"No, no, I won't strain myself, Dad."

"I'll do it."

"It would hurt my feelings if you do it."

"You sure? I don't mind, I don't…"

"I promise… No, no, no, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do the trash cans and I'm gonna scrape the grill and I'm gonna…" Sam turns again to see Optimus step over a low tree. "I'm gonna sweep up the whole house right now."

"Tonight, right now?"

"Right now. The…" Bumblebee peers around the side of the house at Sam with a finger to his face. "I love you. God, I love you just so much right now."

"You know, Mom wanted me to ground you. You're three minutes late."

"Right?" Bumblebee runs a hand across his throat, signaling for the others to cut their approach. I back over to stand by him. "Oh, well, just another thing you did for me, Dad, because you're such a swell guy."

"One more thing, huh?"

"All right, I love you! Sleep good, handsome man!"

Optimus approaches Sam and I. "What are you doing? What are you doing? No, watch the path! Watch the path! Watch the… Please, please, please. No, no, wait. No, no, no! Oh, no!"

Optimus steps on the fountain in the middle of the yard. "Oops. Sorry. My bad."

"Oh, I… You couldn't… You couldn't wait for five… You couldn't wait for five minutes? I told you to just stay! Just stay! God!" Mojo comes out of the house as Mikaela runs over. "I told you to watch them. I told you."

"Okay, you know what? They seem to be in a little bit of a rush."

"Oh, this is bad. No!" Mojo approaches Ironhide and proceeds to pee on his foot. "Mojo, Mojo! Off the robot! God!"

Ironhide flips Mojo into the air with his toe. "Oh, wet." Ironhide shakes his foot, then activates his cannons.

"No, no, no, no, no! Easy! Easy! Hold on! Hold! This is Mojo. This is Mojo. He's a pet of mine. He's a pet." Ironhide activates a blaster and his cannon and aims it on Mojo. "Okay? That's all. If you could just put the guns away… Put the… Put them away. Please."

"You have a rodent infestation."

"A what?"

"Shall I terminate?"

"No, no, no, no. He's not a rodent, he's a Chihuahua. This is my… This is my Chihuahua. We love Chihuahuas! Don't we?"

"He's leaked lubricants all over my foot."

"He peed on you? Bad Mojo. Bad Mojo!"

"Bad Mojo!"

"I'm sorry. He's got a male dominance thing. That's all it is."

Ironhide walks away. "My foot's gonna rust."

"All right." Sam runs towards the door, dodging Optimus's feet twice. "Okay, okay. Shut up and go hide!"

"Just hurry. Autobots, recon."


Inside the Witwicky house

Ron walks over and sits on the couch beside his wife. "I hope he's okay. He's in the kitchen. Got some ice on his nose. I had to slap him around a little bit."

"You did not. You didn't even ground him."

"Almost, almost."


Sam's Room

"Where are they? No, no, no, no, no." Sam starts tearing around his room. "Come on, come on."

"Sam, you need to calm down. You're stressin' out, and they're stressin' out, and It's messin' with my empathy, and I'm about to lose it."

"How can you talk so well? You're seven?"

"Six, and I'm alien…" I shrug. "Don't know."

Optimus lifts Mikaela up to the window.

Sam turns to see her. "What? What is this?"

"Time is short."

"They really want those glasses."

"Come on. What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna help you two."

"Okay."

"Please hurry." Optimus says.

"Okay." Sam throws some magazines around. "Yeah, no, no. It's definitely gone."

"What do you mean?"

"My glasses were in the bag. They were in the backpack and now the backpack isn't here."

"Well, they're gonna be pissed, so what do you wanna do?"

"So what I think you should do is you should… You should check this whole… This whole section here. Just give it a clean sweep, and I'll get the corner here." Mikaela moves to check a treasure chest styled box. "Yeah, no, no, no. Not there. That's my… That's my private…Sorry. That's nothing."

"You just… You just told me to look…"

"I know, but I didn't mean to look inside of my treasure chest."

"You should be way more specific so I don't get in trouble in your room." Frenzy's head crawls out of Mikaela's purse, only to be startled by Sam's fish. "I'm already stressed out enough."

I rub the back of my neck. "Um, I'm going to go see if you left it anywhere downstairs."


With Sam

Sam locks the door since they're doing alien-robot-glasses-hunt. "Okay. What now?" Sam moves to the window. "No. No, no. No, no, no." The Autobots had simply transformed and parked themselves in his yard. "This isn't hiding. This isn't hiding. This is my backyard, not a truck stop. Oh, God. Oh!"


Witwiki Living Room

Ron looks out the window as I walk down the stairs.

Okay, I saw it. The UFO landed right here and now it's gone. My moped's under there, man! Who's gonna pay for that? "Hi, Ron, Judy. Sam asked me to get his backpack. Where is it?" I glance at the screen, feigning shock and confusion. "What the heck! What happened?"

"Sam? Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. He's back here."

"I can't deal with this. I can't… What? Oh, no, no, no. This is my mother's flower…"

"Oops."

"Okay, listen. You got to listen to me. If my parents come out here and see you, they're gonna freak out. My mother's got a temper, okay?"

"We must have the glasses."

"I know you need the glasses. I've been looking everywhere. They're not here. They're definitely not here."

"Keep searching."

"I need you to be quiet for five minutes. Ten minutes. Okay? Please, I'm begging you. You got to… You're making a racket. I can't concentrate. You want me to look and I'm hearing…"

"Calm down, calm down."

"You got to do something here. You got to do something here."

"Autobots, fall back."

"Thank you. Please, for five minutes. Good? Good? Okay."


Outside

"Move!"

"Get away! What's the matter with you? Can't you be quiet? He wants us to be quiet."

Ratchet turns and runs into a power line. The electric current sets off his sirens and lights as he falls into a greenhouse, causing the earth to shake.


Witwiki Living Room

Ron instantly panics. "Earthquake! Move, move, move, move, move! Earthquake!" He runs and dives under a table while still not managing to spill his wine. "Judy! Judy, get under the table! Move it! Duck and cover right now!"

"How did you get over there so fast?" Judy asks from the couch. The lights flicker.


Outside

Ratchet is lying on his back on the ground. "Wow! That was tingly! You got to try that!" I giggle, covering my mouth with my hands.

"Yeah, that looks fun." Ironhide says. He seems kinda sarcastic.

The lights on the whole block go dark.


Inside

Ron, Judy, and I head up the stairs with flashlights. "Sam?" Ron says.

"Sammy?" Judy says.

"What the hell is that?"

"I don't know."

"Sam?"

"That's weird. Sam!"


Sam's Room

"Ratchet, point the light."

"Come on, hurry."

"Listen, we got a Captain issue in here. What's with the light? You gotta stop the light. What's going on? Turn it off. You gotta tell him to shut it off. Shut it off." Sam says.

"Sam, are you in there? How come the door's locked? You know the rules. No doors locked in my house!"

"You know he'll start counting if you don't open the door!"

"One more chance. Five…"

"Oh, dear."

"Four. It's coming off the hinges, pal."

"He's counting! Sam, just open the door."

"Three."

"Oh, my."

"Two."

"He's counting."

"Stand back."

Sam opens the door. "What's up? What's with the bat?"

"Who were you talking to?"

"I'm talking to you."

"Why are you so sweaty and filthy?"

"I'm a child. You know, I'm a teenager."

"We heard voices and noises and we thought maybe you were…"

"It doesn't matter what we thought. What was that light?"

"No, what light? What? There's no light, Dad! There's no light! You got two lights in your hand! That's what it is. Maybe it bounced…"

"Sam, light doesn't bounce like that." I say.

"There was light under the door."

"Look, you can't… You can't just bounce into my room like that. You got to knock. You got to communicate."

"We knocked for five minutes."

I glare at the two. "You didn't knock. You yelled."

"I'm a teenager."

"We knocked."

"You didn't knock. You were screaming at me, okay?"

"No."

"This is repression, what you're doing here. You're ruining my youth, okay?"

I facepalm and stare out the window, contemplating the damage to my person if I jump out the window. Even being part Cybertronian, it's not safe enough.

"Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you masturbating?"

I facepalm again and duck behind the shelf with Mikaela, who is making a 'what the heck' face.

"Judy." Ron says.

"Was I… No, Mom."

"Zip it, okay?"

"It's okay." Judy says.

"No, I don't masturbate!" Sam says.

"That's not something for you to bring up. That's a father-and-son thing, okay?"

"Father-son thing." Sam repeats.

"This conversation got real bad real fast." I whisper to Mikaela.

"Tell me about it. So, did you find the backpack?"

"Of course I—" I facepalm again. "It's in the kitchen on the island."

"I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable. You can call it Sam's happy time or…" Judy says.

"Happy time?" Sam asks.

"…my special alone time…" Judy says.

"Stop." Ron says.

"Mom." Sam says.

"Judy, stop." Ron says.

"…with myself." Judy says.

"Mom, you can't come in and…" Sam says.

"I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink." Judy says.

Ron heads into the bathroom.

"No, no, Dad." Sam says.

"Yeah, well, we saw a light." Ron says.

"Oh, parents."

"I don't know where it was, but we saw it." Ron says. Optimus peers in the window and quickly moves as Ron looks toward it. "Earthquake! It's another one! Another earthquake! Get in the doorway!" Ron says.

"Okay!" Judy says.

"Aftershock! Aftershock! Oh, I hate these. Got to ride it out. Ride it out!"

"Quick, hide."

"Hey, the lights are back on." Judy says.

"Hide? What? Where?"

"Come on, get out of that tub." Judy says.

"Can't you take safety seriously?" Ron asks.

"Good Lord, this floor is filthy, Sam." Judy says.

"Oh, oh, man! Man. Oh."

"Oh, no! Look at the yard. The yard is destroyed. Judy? Better call the city. We got a blown transformer!"

"If he only knew." I whisper to Mikaela.

Mikaela laughs softly. "He'd freak."

"I know." I whisper.

"Power pole's sparking all over the place!" Ron aims the flashlight beam over the yard. "Oh, man. Yard's a waste. Trashed. Gone. It's a wash. The whole yard."

"You're kidding." Judy says.

"The parents are very irritating." Ironhide says.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Ratchet waves a hand at him.

"Can I take them out?" Ironhide asks.

Optimus tries to glare at him from the other side of the house. "Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans. What is with you?"

"Well, I'm just saying we could. It's an option." Ironhide says.

"We heard you talking to somebody, Sam. We wanna know who."

"Mom, I told…" Sam says.

Mikaela and I stand up together. "Hi. I'm Mikaela." Mikaela says, "I'm a… I'm a friend of Sam's."

"Gosh, you're gorgeous. Isn't that the prettiest girl?"

Ron and Sam fist bump.

"She can hear you talking, Mom." Sam says.

"Thank you." Mikaela says.

"Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry you had to hear our little family discussion about…" Judy says.

"Sorry that we're bugging you." Ron says.

"Do you have my backpack?" Sam asks.

"Come on, hon. Let's go." Ron says.

"Oh, it's in the kitchen." I say.


Sector Seven pulls up outside the house and get out of their cars. "Oh, yes. Okay. Okay. Yeah."

"The world is saved!" I cheer.

Mikaela walks in. "Your mom's so nice."

"I want you to distract my parents while I slip out and get these glasses to them, okay?"

Frenzy's eye peers out of the bag.