Unintentional Hero
Author: Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions
Rated: M for a variety of things that will happen
Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid
Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD
25: Maybe I Am
(Iraq)
Just like before, seven hours on the plane with just one hour and a half layover. It was 7pm landing in Iraq that night. They'd left at 8am from Berk. Then the three hours flying, the hour and thirty minute layover, plus another four hours of flying on top of the time change they went through put them at around 7pm landing. Getting off the plane, Hayden greeted the officers and told them everything went fine as expected then he took Toothless and went right to the barrack to go to sleep. Though his five unit members only sighed and the officers noticed.
"What happened?" Colonel Brady Greenhalgh asked them.
"More than you could imagine. Short version...Haddock is a complete mess over losing Ritka." Theo began slowly.
"What do you mean?" Asked Major Huntington now.
"He didn't say a word the entire flight to Berk. After landing at For Dreki, we grabbed a Humvee and went right to Ritka's family. Hayden ignored his family and friends when they found out he was back, then proceeded to keep ignoring them until the funeral. All that went fine then after it was over, he hung Ritka's dog tags on the stone. When asked if he was okay, he straight up said no and wanted to be left alone before taking off on Toothless." Daryl continued softly.
"He seems fine now. It's never easy having to give the notifications of a passing soldier to their families." Came Colonel Bogg's voice now.
Jason shook his head, "No. He seems it but he isn't sir. Anytime Ritka gets mentioned...He flinches and stares off into the distance. And then on Friday, Ritka's fiancee and daughter found us in the park with Haddock's friends. That little girl gave him a teddy bear that Ritka had given her before deployment. Ritka told his daughter the bear would keep her safe until he came home. And she gave the bear to Haddock, telling him that because her Daddy was home, he would protect her so she wanted Hayden to have the bear to protect him until he comes home. Hayden was so shocked and he was crying, after the mother and daughter left, Hayden left and was gone all night until we boarded the plane."
"I see, anything else?" Came the voice of the Division leader, Lt. General Evans asked.
"Yeah...Hayden's girlfriend messaged us right after he left his Dad's house and said that Hayden looked like he was drinking heavily and hadn't slept at all. She asked us to make sure he was okay. I know he's tough but I think this might of hit a little too hard because Hayden knew Ritka was alive before that second RPG hit when he was running to extraction. And I think...he's blaming himself and burying it. He even admitted that crying or talking wouldn't bring Ritka back." Eli said now.
"We'll keep an eye on him for a while and if it gets too bad, we'll force him to take leave to get help. Thank you boys." Lt. General Evans said, the unit nodded with a salute and left to return to the barrack. And no shocker that when they got there, Hayden was sitting on the bed staring at the bear that Isabelle had given him. Before anyone could ask if he was okay, he set the bear on the top shelf of his bedside case before turning over and going to sleep. Everyone was quiet and got ready for bed as well, all worried for the Lieutenant.
(Six Months Later)
Another Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year he had missed because of deployment. It was now January again, a full year he'd been deployed in Iraq when December hit. Now he was on thirteen months of his tour and hoping to get some news about leave. He'd put in for it months ago, as in before Ritka died. He wanted to make his sister's, friend's, and Avery's graduation. He already missed Junior prom, and now he'd miss Senior. He did like the military but he was missing out on important events in the lives of the people he loved most. If that didn't depress him enough, he was still having a hard time dealing with Ritka's death. Every time he saw the bear Isabelle gave him, it hurt more. The nightmares and flashbacks never seemed to stop. And what was worse...
Eli Matthews had died as well.
It had been an RPG that everyone ran to avoid and take cover but an enemy shot Matthews in the leg and he was caught in the blast. His body was recovered of course but he was already dead and there was no saving him. Now with Ritka and Matthews dead, Hayden was having trouble keeping it together. He awoke many times in the middle of the night in cold sweats, panting and feeling sick to his stomach. He'd always go to the bathroom and splash his face before returning to bed but never going back to sleep. The Strike One unit only had Theo, Daryl, and Jason as original members from back in Afghanistan. Replacing Ritka had been Jasmine, and now replacing Matthews was Samantha. Eli had died about two months ago. Hayden hid most of how he felt from his friends, or what was left of them at least. Officially he'd been in the military three years and three months. And he was about to turn twenty years old when February came along in a month.
"Lieutenant Haddock, this is Major Huntington. Do you read me? Over." His radio began to static after the words were said, Hayden lifted it to reply.
"I copy, Major. Go ahead. Over." Hayden said calmly.
"Can you come to my office? Over."Major Huntington asked.
"On my way sir. Haddock over and out." Hayden got off his bed, grabbed his coat and gun before heading out of the barrack to get to the Major's office. Hopefully this was news on his leave. He'd need to know since Camille, Avery, and his friends would be graduating in June. That was only about six months away. Hayden reached the office and knocked.
"Come on in, Lieutenant." Major Huntington replied, Hayden walked in slow and offered a salute as always. "Would you like to take a seat?"
"No thank you, Major Huntington. Why'd you call me here, I got guard in thirty minutes." Hayden stated softly.
"You submitted a request for a two week leave seven months ago. I apologize it's taken me so long to get to it, things have been pretty hectic here." The Major said.
"It's fine. I expected as much, that's why I submitted it with so much time before hand. It's for my sister's high school graduation...Since I've...missed every single major holiday since I joined the military..." Hayden trailed off a bit.
"I understand. Well you'll be pleased to know that I've granted it, you can leave the on the Wednesday before and stay two weeks from that Wednesday." Hayden for once felt his heart lighten some. He was being allowed leave! He'd make it to the graduation, it was a damn miracle! Finally some good news after nothing but bad news or constant loss, he was actually smiling. He was happy.
"Thank you, Major. I'm gonna go call her and tell her right now!" he offered a quick salute then rushed out pulling his phone out. It was eleven for him but it'd be 8pm on Berk. He quickly pressed her contact and waited.
"Hey bro!" Camille greeted softly.
"Hey sis, who is there right now? I hear voices other than yours and Dad's..." Hayden asked trying to control his absolute joy about the news.
"Avery and Seth, Oh TJ and Rachel too. Felix has a cold. What's up?" Camille giggled some.
"I'll be home for your high school graduation." Hayden said quickly.
"Oh my Gods, really! Don't even joke, Hayden! Will you really? Your leave was approved?!" Avery said now, clearly excited.
"I was granted two weeks. I'll be there on Wednesday before graduation. I wanted to let you know, I can't talk long though. Sixteen hour guard shift starting in twenty minutes." Hayden informed.
"That's...totally fine! I'm so happy you'll be coming home...That's amazing. We can't wait to see you." Camille beamed happily, Hayden couldn't see her face but he could feel the smile in hers and Avery's faces.
"I can't wait either...I really need the leave time after last month..." Hayden sighed.
"Why, what happened?" Seth asked now.
Hayden closed his eyes, "It's not important...It's just been a hard month with all the attacks is all. But I'll see you guys for June...I gotta go for now."
"See you soon bro! Love you so much!"
"Love you babe!"
"Stay safe, son. Can't wait to see you again!"
"Catch ya in June, Hayden!"
In order those goodbyes were from Camille, Avery, his father, then Seth and the twins. Hayden smiled as he said goodbye and hung up the phone. He couldn't wait to go home in June, he really just wanted to see his family, girlfriend, and friends. He knew he'd be okay if he could just see them.
(Four Months Later)
The war had gotten bad. Constant attacks, more and more injuries, deaths too. It was now April, Hayden was twenty and he'd lost more people. Alpha Fire, from it's original people was dwindling from where it started in Afghanistan. Kyle Shaw, Zackary Palmer, and Luis Sanchez where still there, as well a few others Hayden was in Basic with but the rest had either been killed in action or moved to other areas. There were so many new people and Hayden was losing grip with how many deaths were occurring with his friends from Basic, which were the first friends he made in the military. Then add that to the people he met when deployed to Afghanistan just made it worse to accept everything. It was taring him apart too but he hid it from everyone. Only two months left and he'd be home in Berk for two weeks to celebrate his the graduation with his sister, girlfriend, and friends. He just had to last two more months...
Coming off a twenty hour guard shift, the others lazily and tiredly dragging their feet made their way to the barracks. It was now about noon time. The shift had been horrid, aside from sitting around stationary for about eleven hours there was five accumulative hours of fighting. Then four more hours of coffee, and sitting around until their shift ended. Hayden wanted to crash on his bed and sleep the next twelve hours undisturbed though he highly doubted it would happen. Just as he was reaching his the barrack, he was approached by Major Huntington. "Lieutenant...Can I have a word?"
"Yeah," Hayden yawned heavily facing his Major now.
"Hayden...I'm sorry to have to do this to you but..." Suddenly Hayden was wide awake listening closely, "That leave I granted...I have to deny it. I am an entire Company down and I can't get new recruits until August. I need you to stay here, you're to valuable to this base to lose. I hope you can forgive me..."
Hayden's heart dropped into his stomach. His leave just...got denied, after having been accepted? What was he going to do, he'd already told Camille and the others that he'd be there in June. Now he had to take it back? "I..." He couldn't even respond, he just walked away to his barrack and entered. He set his gun down carefully before punching the wall hard. "FUCK!" he yelled out loudly.
"What's up, Lieutenant?" Jason asked him with wide eyes. They knew Hayden had a temper and if you were on the wrong side it...Odin help that soul.
"My fucking two week leave just got denied! The leave I put in for ages ago to be able to go to the graduation of my sister, girlfriend, and friends...The one I was granted four months ago, just got revoked because the base is down an entire God damn Company and can't get new recruits until August and they can't afford to lose me or my dragon!" Hayden hit the wall again, this time he just about dented it and his knuckles were starting to bleed. "I already...told my sister, girl, and friends I'd be there...This is going to kill them and there's not a mother fucking thing I can do about it!" Hayden closed his eyes as he reached his phone. He might as well call them now and get it over with, he didn't blame them if they hated him for this. He called Camille and waiting...
"Hayden! How are you? How was the guard shift? Avery and the twins say hi." Camille began. Hayden felt his chest tighten up.
"Can't wait to see you babe, only two more months." Avery added now. Hayden closed his eyes tightly as his fist tightened while it was on the wall of the barrack.
"It's not happening." Hayden said plainly. He heard them go silent.
"What...do you mean it's not happening?..." Camille and Avery asked together now.
"You heard me. It's not happening. I'm not coming home in two months, my leave time just got fucking revoked because we're down an entire Company and they can't afford to lose me or Toothless...So we're stuck here." Hayden stated coldly.
"But they already granted it, they can't just take it away like that! You've been there for fourteen months with no break at all! That's not fair, Hayden. Fight it..." Camille began to cry.
"I can't!" Hayden yelled. "I can't fucking fight it, Cami. It's the military and we're in a war, we don't get breaks just because we've been here so long. They can do whatever they have to do to ensure Archipelago's safety. Now I'm sorry if it upsets you. I know what I said four months ago, but shit changes. There's nothing I can do about it but accept it. Maybe in August when new recruits come I can take leave but right now, as I said...It's Not Happening." Hayden took a breath now. "I'm sorry for yelling...But there's nothing I can do, these are the orders I have to follow. No matter how much I may not like or agree with them...I gotta go. I've been up twenty straight hours and fighting for five of them...I'm exhausted and do not have the mental stability I need to keep my temper in check right now. So to avoid snapping...I'm going to go. I'll talk to you next chance I get. I love you both...and tell Dad for me. Bye." Hayden hung up the phone and hit the barrack again. Hayden took off his coat, got on his bed and laid there holding his head while breathing heavily.
"Haddock?" Major Huntington's voice said. Hayden didn't bother sitting up.
"No disrespect, Major. But you've already granted, then revoked my leave under the excuse you can't lose me or my dragon. I am in an incredibly foul mood right now and if you don't want me taking Toothless in to enemy territory just to kill off a few Iraqi soldiers to blow off some anger then I advise you to slowly back away and not talk to me until I've cooled off." Hayden hadn't even looked at him, his eyes were staring at the ceiling as the Major did in fact, slowly back away from the barrack and not say a word. Everyone knew about Hayden's anger and if you were someone he was pissed at and he warned you to stay back then if you wanted to leave, you would back the fuck up quickly and leave him be.
"You know you can get into a lot of trouble for talking to your CO that way..." Lennox remarked.
"I really don't fuckin care right now, Lennox." Hayden scoffed angrily.
"Yo, take it easy...It's just how it is." Theo said calmer.
"That doesn't mean I can't be pissed about it." Hayden rolled over and eventually fell asleep.
(Month & A Half Later)
Hayden barely talked to Avery or Camille since he gave the news he wasn't coming home. He talked maybe once a week for a brief amount of time and then that was it. He couldn't face them, knowing he'd miss another major even in their lives. Currently he was on a mission to help another pinned down squadron. They'd been called there an hour before and had been under fire with enemies for close to twenty minutes. An RPG hit the jeep, "GET DOWN!" Hayden called out as he threw himself to the ground. When the brunt of the explosion was over, Hayden forced himself to his knees but stayed down to being fired at still. "Any injured!?" He asked.
"We good, Lieutenant!" Lennox called to him. Hayden wiped the sweat from his brow as he was firing and trying to watch everyone. He'd lost Eli because he didn't see he'd lost him with the others, and Ritka broke from the pack to shoot from a high point. Hayden was scared to take his eyes off his squadron, an enemy charged at him with a knife as Hayden brought his gun around and whacked him in the face hard knocking the guy out then continued shooting. After another half hour of the constant RPG's, grenades, and gunfire: Hayden had enough. He got up hooking his gun to his back, grabbed a rock as he got in the jeep and started it.
"What the hell are you doing!?" Tarelto yelled.
"Get back and get down...I'm ending this!" Hayden backed the jeep up and drove it straight towards the enemies, when he got just close enough he grabbed three grenades and pulled their pins stuffing them in the jeep then he slammed the rock down on the gas pedal while he grabbed the top bar and jumped out landing in a roll. Hayden shook his head and recovered as he rushed back to the others and sure enough three seconds later there was a massive explosion. His grenades exploding, then the jeep exploding immediately after. The enemies were blown all over and the fire had stopped while they were grabbing wounded and retreating. The other squadron got free then all of them grouped together.
"Nice move, Haddock!" Tarelto cheered with the others. They were loading up and preparing to leave in whatever jeeps were left.
"HADDOCK, MOVE!" Before he could react, he was pushed down to the ground. When he looked over from the ground he saw Lennox get shot in the chest and it seemed to be in slow motion. Hayden scrambled over to him and caught him before he hit the ground. The enemy moved closer as Hayden grabbed his M16 and shot the guy right in the head, then his gun dropped as he looked at Lennox.
"You idiot! Why'd you do that!" Hayden yelled at him.
"I was...covering you, Lieuten...ant..." He coughed up some blood and Theo rushed over to get pressure on the wound but Daryl pushed him away.
"Take the help, Lennox! Come on, you're not dying here. You're not dying on me, soldier." Hayden told him.
"Hey. Don't worry about me, Haddock." Lennox chuckled as he cringed. "Time to join Ritka and Matthews, Lieutenant..." Lennox closed his eyes.
"No! No you fucker you stay with me! I'm not losing you too, you're not dying here. Understand me? Stay with me, Lennox. Come on, look at me...Please...I can't lose you too..." Hayden yelled.
"Sorry Lieutenant...Stay safe, and keep fighting. Don't let these ass...holes win..." His smile faded, his hand fell limp at his side and the breathing stopped. Lennox had died and in his arms.
"Hayden?..." Theo asked. Hayden didn't say a word, his face was completely void of emotion, so were his eyes. Hayden adjusted himself as he picked Lennox's body up and just carried it to the nearest jeep, he laid him down in the bed of it and closed his eyes.
"Alpha Fire...Move out, return to base." He said quietly but was heard still. Everyone loaded up, Hayden jumped in the back of the jeep Lennox was in and sat there.. The ride to base was silent except for Hayden's radio call to base to let them know they were on their way with an ETA of twenty minutes. Arriving there, Hayden just ignored everyone and went to sit with Toothless.
"What happened, Holgerson?" Major Huntington asked quickly.
"We lost Lennox...He...died in Haddock's arms and he's not taking it well given we've also lost Ritka, and Matthews. I know you said his leave was denied but I think he needs it regardless. I really don't think he can handle another death, Major. He specifically said he wasn't losing Lennox too, that he couldn't and Lennox died in his arms, sir. He's going to break, Major Huntington. He's burying everything, trying to be strong. He can't, you need to let him go on leave and get his head clear." Theo said.
"I think you're right. I'll tell him tomorrow." Major Huntington sighed. Theo nodded to him as Lennox's body was taken away and the Alpha-Fire squadron returned to the barrack. Hayden wasn't in there, they saw him laying against Toothless with his legs pulled up and arms draped over the tops of his knees, his head was down. Hayden knew they were there, he just couldn't face them. Lennox died saving him. Ritka died saving him and the platoon. Eli got shot and blasted in an explosion. Three of his best friends were dead, all deaths he had to witness and was powerless to stop it.
'I couldn't save any of them...Maybe I really am...useless after all.' He thought as a tear slipped from his eye and rolled down his cheek.
