Unintentional Hero
Author: Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions
Rated: M for a variety of things that will happen
Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid
Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD
30: Missed You Bro
After that day, Ethan and Dylan were coming around to just listening to Hayden. They still mumbled and made remarks but listened none the less and referred to him as Drill Sergeant like the others. They knew whether they admitted it aloud of not, that Hayden did know more than them and even Hayden's old DS said if they wanted to become soldiers to listen to Hayden because he knew what he was doing. They were in week six now, the end of the second phase where they would have to pass their gun exams which they'd been working on for the last week with Hayden. They did this and they were permitted to use guns depending on their certified level. Hayden informed that these levels were Marksman, Shooter, and Expert. Expert meant they were qualified to use any gun or weapon, if not that then they were limited until they did pass. Also after that day four weeks ago, Hayden actually did sneak off the base to go see Avery. It had been pretty comical to.
/Flashback/
After schooling Dylan and Ethan about his skills as a soldier, the rest of the day went fine. As Hayden had told them, he didn't care if they didn't like it or like him. They were going to listen or he'd fail them and never graduate until they did listen. Heather even went as far as slapping both and told them to get over it and just do what they were told. Later that night, Hayden was texting Avery: she wanted him to sneak off base to come see her since her parents were out to dinner with friends then going to some party on the other side of town-wouldn't be back until morning. Hayden sighed putting his head back and Tarelto noticed first.
"What's up Lieutenant?" Jason questioned.
"Nothin, my girl wants to see me., Hayden admitted, putting the phone down.
"So...go see her?" Theo offered.
"And sneak off base?" Hayden asked.
"Because we didn't do it with Ritka, Lennox, and Matthews back on Visithug? We went and got wasted, never got caught. Come on, you haven't see her in four weeks. And you fly a Night Fury: you could go to Berk and be back before anyone notices you're gone. We've had dinner, it's personal time, and lights out at 9:30-which doesn't apply to us. We don't get checked on anymore. Go on!" Jason reminded him.
Hayden sighed: he could do it. Not like anyone would notice he was gone and the guys were right: they were graduates as of three years ago. Why shouldn't he have a little fun? He could be back before sunrise and anyone woke up. Who the hell would see a Night Fury in the night sky? Hayden grinned as he jumped off his bunk and slipped his boots on, tied them quickly while grabbing his tan short-sleeve.
"Yeah! Go get her, Haddock!" the boys cheered.
"Ssh! If anyone comes looking for me, just tell them I took Toothless on a night flight and will be back in an hour. Text me immediately after so I can get back in that time too. If not, I'll be back before the sun rises," Hayden said.
"We'll cover you, just go on. Say hi for us?" Theo asked.
"You got it. See ya tomorrow." Hayden chuckled as he snuck out the door, slipping through the darkness and getting to Toothless. Quietly the two of them took off into the sky and headed back to Berk.
/End Flashback/
Sure enough when he got there, she was shocked that he actually snuck off base to see her. Before she could ask anything, he just kissed her deeply and she melted into it. Hayden lifted her by her legs around his waist and took her to the bed. An hour or so later they just cuddled on the bed in one another's arms. Hayden made sure to set his alarm for 4:30am, enough time to get up and get back to For Dreki before the sun started to rise. They fell asleep around 11pm with him holding her in his arms, and when 4:30am hit he kissed her goodbye and headed off with Toothless back to the base. He did get there and snuck into his barrack without being seen. Oh, his friends gave him such hell about it too: they figured he would have been back way before then when he did but he confessed that they watched a movie and fell asleep and he left at 4:30am to get back to base.
Today it was more gun practice: trying to get themselves ready to the test at the end of the week-which was in two days. A lot of the group were doing fine but Hayden noticed that Ethan, Dylan, and Heather were still having trouble. He was off to the side watching closely to see them bickering about how to do it, it wasn't hard to see they were actually nervous. "The test is in two days and we still don't got this..." Dylan mumbled. They'd been working on shooting the targets that moved, popped up, and were stationary from different positions: standing, kneeling, lying...
"Screw it, I'm asking for his help...I'm not going to fail just because you two can't stand he's your superior officer..." Heather huffed preparing to turn but one of the other guys was getting up and turned, whacking her in the head with a gun by accident. Hayden watched her get dizzy and nearly fall into bullet fire as he rushed over and pulled her from it before she got shot.
"CEASE FIRE!" Hayden commanded. All gunshot stopped as Hayden carefully placed her down then crouched beside her, "Easy does it now, take a few breaths." Hayden said softly then he lifted up three fingers. "How many fingers you see, Lanvik?" She looked closely.
"Five?..." Heather answered blearily. Hayden sighed as he pulled his radio out.
"Lieutenant Haddock to medic base. You read me, Johnson? Over," Hayden said releasing the button.
"Medic to Lieutenant Haddock. I read you loud and clear, go ahead. Over."
"I got a concussed private on my firing field. Whacked in the head with the butt of a gun, I'm sending Holgerson and Tarelto to bring her to you," Hayden stated.
"I'll be waiting. Medic over and out, Lieutenant."
Hayden changed the dial and pressing the button again. "Holgerson, Tarelto. Fall in to the firing field, on the double if you wouldn't mind."
"On our way, Haddock," Holgerson said in response.
"Sis!...Is...she going to be okay?" Dylan asked, clearly worried for his sister. It was this that made Hayden understand that while Dylan may have been a complete prick-the two of them were a lot alike when it came to their sisters. Hayden was incredibly protective over Camille and he could see that Dylan was the same to Heather.
"She'll be fine, just needs to take it easy for a few hours." Hayden checked the back of her head where she'd been hit and felt a little blood. Hayden snapped his fingers to motion for Dylan to hold her up-he did so while Hayden grabbed his backpack and grabbed a few things then crouched down behind her, using one knee for balance as he pressed the gauze pad to her head, then used just a little bit of the wrapping to keep it in place before he got an ice pack, cracked it to activate the cold and placed it on her head. By this point, Theo and Jason arrived now to see what happened.
"Orders sir?" Jason asked with a salute.
"Take her to the medic, tell her there's a little blood but it's dressed and has ice. I warned her ahead of time," Hayden stated, Theo helped Heather up while Jason kept the ice pack in place as the two headed off while Hayden stood up and put his things away.
"Thank you...Drill Sergeant." Dylan said calmly to him, "You saved her..."
"This is why I tell all of you how serious this work is, and warn you to pay attention. Simmons, you were way too close to Lanvik. I said keep yourselves elbow length apart while firing. A move like that on the front lines will get someone killed, I would know...I've seen it happen," Hayden stated grimly.
"Sorry, Drill Sergeant. Won't happen again..." Simmons replied with a quick salute.
"And you are welcome, Private Lanvik." Hayden picked up Heather's gun and set it aside. "Back to work, your qualifying tests are in two days!" he ordered. Everyone got back into position and started again, Ethan and Dylan still having trouble.
"I give up...I'm not going to fail over this." Dylan sighed as he backed up out of range carefully as he'd been taught and approached Hayden who was watching the others. "Drill Sergeant?" he said now and Hayden glanced over at him, "I still can't get it and...I don't want to fail the test. Can you help me or tell me what I'm doing wrong?"
Hayden was a little shocked to say the least, Dylan actually asking for help so he didn't fail the test? Hell might have just frozen over-but all jokes aside, he was impressed. "What are you having trouble with, Private?"
"Everything...I still shift when I shoot from the force and I feel like I'm not holding it right for accuracy," Dylan told him.
"Move back to your spot and show me how you stand, hold, and prepare to fire," Hayden replied. Dylan nodded as he moved back to his spot and prepared himself to fire. "Your footing is off," he said first, then he got his gun. "Hold fire!" he commanded and all of them stopped again. "All of you, pay attention because you're all just about doing the same thing. When you fire, you have to anchor yourselves to the ground so you don't get hit with the gun's kick-back." He stood up now and positioned his feet properly and then lifted the gun to fire. "You can't fire facing toward, you have nothing to anchor on and when the kickback comes, you lose balance. When shooting you face your dominant side direction. If you're a lefty, face left, righty face right and keep your feet apart to distribute the weight of your body evenly," Hayden instructed. Finally he fired and they didn't see him move at all.
Hayden stepped back, lowering his gun. "So it's footing and balance that makes it so you don't feel kickback force...I thought it was holding gun a certain way..." Ethan stated.
"It's both. You have to secure the butt of the in the pocket of your firing shoulder, and you have to secure your feet to the ground. Especially in standing positions because if you don't and you get the kickback, it's just enough time for a enemy to snipe you in the head, chest, or leg when you're recovering," Hayden informed them all. "So, positions!" he ordered: they all took their positions and Hayden checked them before letting them continue. "Ericksen, back foot needs to be facing the same direction as your body. Even weight distribution..." he told him, Ethan fixed his stance, "Don't lock your knees, doing so will make you black out. On my command, fire at your target," He waited as everyone got ready. "Fire!"
In seconds, Hayden watched them make their shots. No one fell back, no one flinched, and everyone hit their target. Even Dylan and Ethan. "I did it!" Dylan cheered.
"Well done, Private." Hayden said with an approving nod. He remembered how happy he was when he finally hit the target after hours and weeks of practice. He wouldn't knock the joy one could feel from finally achieving that goal. "You all shoot like that in two days and you'll be good to go." he added.
"Teachin 'em how to shoot like you, Haddock? Man, all enemies are so screwed if that happens," came a familiar voice, Hayden whipped around and saw Anderson there.
"Holy shit! Anderson!?" Hayden said quickly as Anderson approached him with a nod and grin, the two fist-bumped and hugged. "What the fuck you doing here? Haven't seen you since Afghanistan," he smiled.
"On some leave, thought I'd see what you been up to," Anderson smiled back. Hayden arched a brow at him.
"You know I know you better than that, Anderson...Why are you really here? I know you didn't come all this way just to see what I've been up to when you could have called. I heard you got deployed again," Hayden said now.
"Always on top of things, aren't ya kid? Alright, yeah...I'm here on business-regarding you actually," Anderson said,.Hayden looked over again.
"Me? What did I do...or not do now?" Hayden mumbled.
"Nothin, heard about Iraq...Some serious shit went down, huh?" Anderson asked and now Hayden understood. Anderson heard about Matthews, Ritka, and Lennox and he sighed with an affirmative nod to his friend. "I know how close you were to them. Best buds since joinin' Alpha Fire...Why not send these guys to lunch so we can catch up?"
"Guns down, head to the mess hall!" Hayden ordered: they all did so and walked off leaving just Hayden and Harry Anderson together. "You heard huh?"
"I called Doragon base about a week ago to see how my old squad was doing, I overheard Major White say you guys had been deployed there. They told me the tour was over and you'd be back here but you had been sent home a week before the others on leave. I asked why they'd send you home a week before sending the others and I was told that they were worried about you." Hayden flinched a bit.
"I...got sent home for leave, for my sister's and girlfriend's graduation. Then Tarelto called to say the tour was over and we were stationed here." Hayden responded as the two walked together.
Anderson shook his head with his eyes closed, "They sent you home because your unit was worried about you and pushed for you to be sent home to clear your head. I heard about what happened, each of them. And I know you took them all hard, Hayden. I'm here for two weeks, I wanted to make sure you were alright."
"Well, yeah...It's hard...Been with those guys since the start. First friends I ever made, worked with, did missions with-but I'm alright," Hayden told him.
"You know you can talk to me, right? I know we all see some shit over there and it's not easy to deal with when we lose not just soldiers, but our friends too," Anderson reminded him.
"Seriously, Anderson...I'm alright. It was hard at first but, I'm good. I promise. So you deployed again?" Hayden asked.
"Back to Afghanistan. Heard you guys might be coming back too, so be on the watch for that. Things are getting heavy there again," Anderson said.
"I'll keep a listen for that order, wouldn't mind being back there with you again," Hayden chuckled.
"Well, I'm starved: let's eat," Anderson smiled so the two went to the mess hall now as Anderson shocked the rest of Alpha Fire with his entrance. They all ate together and the others could see that the team was close even after being separated for so long. About thirty minutes in, Hayden actually scolded his unit for what they did. Getting him sent on forced leave because they were worried for him.
"Well sorry, we were worried about after Lennox died. I mean you were hold-" Hayden's eyes turned cold.
"Shut up." he warned-then got up from the table and walked out silently.
"See what we mean?" Theo sighed to Anderson.
"I see it...I'm glad you called me boys. I didn't think it'd be this bad but don't worry, I'll talk to him." Anderson patted Theo's shoulder then got up and left the room after Hayden.
"What's wrong with him?" Heather asked softly, "And who is that guy he's with?"
"That's Lieutenant Harry Anderson, he was the original Alpha Fire squadron leader when the Armourwing Company from this base was deployed right after graduating from Basic three years ago. Getting to Afghanistan, Lieutenant Vazquez was the Dragonfire platoon but after our first leave, the one that got cut short you all saw when the radio went off...Lieutenant Vazquez died, so did the squad leader for Delta Fire, the other squadron that made up the Dragonfire platoon," Theo started.
"At the time, Anderson was a Sergeant like Haddock. But when Vazquez died, Anderson became Lieutenant of the platoon, Hayden became leader of the Alpha Fire squadron, like he still is now. Anderson sees Haddock like a little brother so he's worried about him," Jason added.
"Why is he worried about Drill Sergeant?" asked one of the others now.
"Lieutenant Haddock has been through some serious shit the last few years and after the last death...We had the Major from Iraq send Hayden on forced leave so he didn't freak out and lose it. When we got back here, we found a way to contact Anderson and let him know," Theo finished.
"I noticed your group looked different..." Ethan said.
"And if you don't want the Lieutenant's anger...I suggest you don't bring it up. Even to us, he won't deal with it," Jason sighed.
(Outside)
"Hayden?" Anderson asked, Hayden was sitting in the grass with Toothless. "Still gonna try and tell me you're alright?"
"You know I'm not, Anderson...I was just...recovering from Ritka when Matthews died, then...Lennox in my arms. I just...I don't know how to feel. Should I be mad, upset?..." Hayden sighed.
"Kid, in war we see a lot of shit and I can tell ya first hand...you can't be bottling it like this. And I know you have, Theo called me and told me he was worried. There is no greater war than than the one we fight with ourselves," Hayden looked over at him now, "I know it's hard and I know it hurts. Every time it gets mentioned, you tense up and walk away from it. You retreat so you don't have to face it," Anderson enlightened him.
"I accepted what happened, it hurts but...It's not that what bothers me most...I keep seeing things that I don't want too. I keep reliving them, only I see it worse than it really was," Hayden sighed.
"Talk to me, Hayden. If ya won't talk to your friends, or counselors, or family...Talk to me. You've always been able to," Anderson insisted.
"That first mission in Afghanistan, the one where I was shot the first time saving Matthews...I didn't," He stopped and closed his eyes, "Everyone wants to know how I got out of that, since the smoke was so thick they couldn't see..."
"I was wondering too actually...How did you get out of that? Your unit saw you rush out, but nothing else. All they heard was a gun fire and then you jumped on the rope ladder." Anderson reminded. "Was that...you getting shot?" Hayden shook his head.
"No...I got shot when I saved Matthews, I ran between him on the ladder and the enemy firing at him. The gunshot they heard...was me killing the enemy. That's how I got to the chopper...I killed that soldier when he tried to slice me with his machete, I shot him with my pistol in the head at point blank range, Anderson...and what bothers me the most, that I still can't stop seeing...is the fact that soldier I shot, he was the first person I'd ever killed, and..." Anderson saw Hayden lower his head and his fist tighten. "It was a kid. A kid...who couldn't have been older than myself at the time and now...every time I close my eyes...I don't see I shot an enemy, I see that I shot a kid...and every single time I see it...I don't see the kid...I see myself."
"You don't see that you shot an enemy, you see that you shot yourself because the soldier you shot was a kid like you. Hayden, that was three years ago...and haven't said a word about until now? We asked you over and over again what happened that night and you refused to talk about it. Why have you waited this long?" Anderson asked him, looking over now.
"Because...lately, I...saw me shooting myself. Killing myself instead of shooting that that soldier," Hayden answered.
"Hayden, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be completely honest with me. Understand?" Anderson said firmly. Hayden gave a short nod but didn't look over, "How bad are these nightmares? When did they start?"
"When my first tour ended..." Hayden said.
"Is this, shooting the kid thing the reason you hesitated when that soldier tackled you down. Your unit and I saw you hesitate and start shaking," Anderson asked while Hayden gave a nod to him.
"I was...afraid it would be another kid. It hurts, Harry...I killed...a kid and I...earned a medal for doing it. I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to feel and my nightmares...They don't stop...And what makes them unbearable is the fact that all I see are the bodies of people I've killed, and people who have died under my command...And a voice in my head telling me that I'm nothing more than a murderer wearing a soldier's uniform." Hayden cringed, Anderson made him look at him now.
"Tell me the truth, Hayden...Does anyone else know about this?" Anderson asked.
"I haven't told anyone except you," Hayden replied.
"I have to ask this, I don't want to-but I have to because you're like a brother to me and I'm actually scared and worried for you right now...Hayden, do you feel any desire at all to hurt or kill yourself because of anything you've done or seen since being deployed to either Afghanistan or Iraq?" Anderson asked.
"No," he said calmly, "No I don't." Hayden replied firmly, Anderson sighed as he wrapped an arm around Hayden's shoulders and hugged him.
"Good...good." Anderson said. "Hayden, you didn't earn the medal for killing a kid. We hadn't even known about that, no one does except me now. You earned the medal because you saved your unit, and were wounded doing it. I know it hurts but it'll get easier...And if you ever feel like hurting yourself, I don't care what time of night or day it is...You fucking radio or call me, understand? I'm not gonna lose you," Anderson said to him, he felt Hayden nod. He closed his eyes now, "And Hayden...you're not a murderer. You've said it yourself before, all we do is to protect the people we care about. We know the risks we take every time the horn blows, we know it could be our last day when we go out there to fight. We don't want to kill those enemies, but sometimes it's all we can do to protect our loved ones at home. Remember that."
"I will." Hayden replied, a few minutes of silence passed while Anderson still had his arms over Hayden's shoulders, "Hey Anderson?..."
"Yeah, kid?" he answered softly
"Thanks for coming and saying what you did. I needed to hear that-and...I've really missed you, big bro," Hayden said.
"I'll always have your back, Haddock-you're welcome. And I missed ya too, little brother." Anderson replied as he hugged him tighter.
