Unintentional Hero

Author: Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

Rated: M for a variety of things that will happen

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid

Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD

31: Didn't Know

Another month had passed of Basic for Hayden's group, and shockingly enough both Ethan Dylan ended up with good marks to finish training with. They had been like him when he did Basic, they pulled through from the bottom and passed. They did good on their qualifying and PT tests. Their marching was finally up to par and the group could march together without being out of sync, Hayden was actually proud of them. Most stubborn group he'd ever had since doing Drill Sergeant work, but he managed to get through to them. And on getting through: Hayden was really glad Anderson came when he did because he actually was dealing with a lot and didn't know how to cope with it all. He'd lost so many people between his two tours, some of those people having been his best friends like Oivind, Ritka, Matthews, and Lennox. Although he'd told his friends he was not happy they got him sent on forced leave before the second tour ended, he was glad they knew him well enough to call Anderson to talk to him.

None of his friends knew what he was dealing with though, Anderson promised he wouldn't tell as long as Hayden gave his word he'd call or radio him if he needed to talk. The two of them actually just hung out for a while after lunch, Anderson watched him be Drill Sergeant at work and only grinned like a fool doing it, he was proud of Hayden for all he'd done since joining the army and a bonus, Anderson did come for another reason. Hayden was promoted again: this time to Captain. Anderson had been promoted to Major, and after Hayden's tour he was promoted but Anderson was given the task of promoting him. Hayden couldn't believe that he'd gone from Private, to Sergeant, then Lieutenant, and now Captain. It was amazing to him. He was one rank under what his mother had been: a Major. It took her almost fifteen years to make that rank and Hayden in only three years made it to Captain.

The graduation of the Night Terror squadron-which was Ethan's, Heather's, and Dylan's barrack, was upon them. The whole last week they'd been working on the marching for it and Hayden was thankful they all had it down. As they finished the last drill, Hayden had them fall in at attention, then parade rest. "Well done, all of you. I mean it. When you started ten weeks ago, I thought for sure that a lot of you might not pass or make it this far. But I gotta hand it to you-you really impressed me with how you managed to pull it together in training exercises and get the jobs finished." Hayden told them.

"Thank you, Drill Sergeant!" The squadron replied.

"Now as with most end of BCT. Tomorrow is family day, and word has already been sent out to them that they are welcome to come up to see all of you before graduation. Mind you that you still have to follow orders when told to but tomorrow is a day off for ya, and you'll be getting your stationing orders. So everyone clean up, and head to the mess hell for dinner." Hayden informed.

"Sir, yes sir!"

"Dismissed, fall out." Hayden commanded, the others nodded and gave a salute before heading off to the barrack to changed then go to the mess hall. Theo, Jasmine, Samantha, and Jason approached him calmly. "Hey guys." Hayden greeted.

"Sup, Captain Haddock." Theo grinned.

"I still gotta get used to that." Hayden chuckled.

"I bet, every time we get used to one you get promoted again. Knock it off, will ya?" Jason teased.

"Hey, I don't ask for promotions. So what brings ya by? Heading to lunch?" Hayden asked.

"Yeah, thought we'd wait for you though." Jasmine smiled happily.

"Well let's move then. I'm ready to eat." Hayden said and with that they five of them were headed to the mess hall to eat. They were down a member without Lennox but since they weren't deployed at the moment, they weren't worried about filling his spot on the Strike One unit. Reaching the hall, Hayden was immediately motioned to come up to where the other DS's were. "What's up?"

"There was a radio call for you earlier but we held it because you were in the middle of marching. Major Anderson from Afghanistan," DS Amunsav informed quickly. Hayden tensed a little, Anderson warned him that they might get called back there because it was getting out of hand again.

"I'll radio him back and figure out what's going on." Hayden nodded then walked off, he stopped by the table with Alpha Fire sitting at it and told them he'd be right back before he stepped outside and turned his radio back on. Generally it didn't get turned off but when he was being Drill Sergeant he turned it off unless he needed it. Hayden lifted the radio up and pressed the button. "Captain Haddock to Major Anderson, do you read me? Over."

"Hey, there ya are Haddock. How ya doing? Over?" Anderson asked through the static.

"I'm alright, just finished the end of Basic for my group. Family day tomorrow, graduation to follow the next day." Hayden shrugged a little.

"You remember I told you that we might need you back here? Well..."

"You need Alpha Fire back, don't you?" Hayden sighed heavily.

"In a month, to replace the soldiers rotating out of their tour. And we need Night Terror too. I won't send a letter about it, just let them know. Alpha Fire and Night Terror are needed in Afghanistan. Deployment in one month." Anderson told him.

"I understand, Anderson. We'll be there, and I'll tell them after graduation...Any idea how long we'll be there this time?" Hayden questioned.

"Not sure. You know I can never give you a time frame on that...If we get this under control then not long, if not then longer." Anderson said.

"Got it. We'll see ya in a month, Anderson. Haddock over and out." Hayden said then put the radio down, clipped to his hip before entering the hall again-he saw his friends had gotten him a tray of food. He sat back down quietly with his eyes closed.

"Hayden, what's up?" Samantha asked.

"I'll tell you later..." Hayden replied before starting to eat silently. They were going back, again. Third tour would start in a month and it had only been about eleven weeks since the last tour ended. His friends-although concerned for his sudden mood shift, began to eat as well and not bother him. They could tell he had a lot on his mind all of a sudden.

(Family Day)

As Hayden expected-his family showed up on top of the others. Avery and Camille never missed a chance to see him and they would sneak in with Rachel who came to see Ethan. Although he was happy to see them, the upcoming tour was weighing his mind and after graduation tomorrow he'd have to tell his squad and Night Terror about them deploying in a month. Gods help him. He knew he had to tell Camille and Avery now though, he wouldn't do what he did when he went to Iraq when he gave them about a five minute before leaving.

"Hayden, you're really quiet. What's wrong?" Avery asked.

"Come with me, both of you. You too, Strike One..." Hayden said getting off the grass and walking farther away from the others so they wouldn't hear him, Camille and Avery nervously got up and walked over towards him and waited for him.

"What's up Cap?" Theo asked.

"Cap?...Wait, did you get promoted again?" Camille asked now.

"Yes, to Captain by Anderson when he was visiting a month ago...But that's not what I have to tell you. Yesterday I got a radio call from Anderson-who is back in Afghanistan...And we're being deployed again." Hayden closed his eyes.

"Again!?" Avery and Camille screeched with worry. "When do you leave?"

"Anderson told me a month yesterday so in 30 days. We leave October 1st for Afghanistan, Alpha Fire and Night Terror being deployed." Hayden stated.

"Did you tell Night Terror yet?" Jason asked.

"Tellin them tomorrow-as well the rest of Alpha Fire. Wanted to let you know first." Hayden mentioned.

"We'll be ready, sir." The five members of his unit nodded, although-Hayden never saw Tarelto nod or even answer. He was looking down-nervously almost, and Hayden began to wonder if he was alright.

"Now go on..." Hayden motioned his head for them to get moving, Avery hugged Hayden tightly, then Camille afterwards. "I should be able to see you again before I leave. Least we aren't deploying immediately again," he told them both.

"Doesn't make it any easier, Hayden...This will be your third tour in four years..." Camille pouted.

"I know, but it's my job so I have to do it. Now let's just enjoy the day, alright?" Both girls managed a nod as they returned to where they'd been and the day continued normally.

(Graduation)

The graduation went well, everyone did what they were supposed to and nothing went wrong-which Hayden was eternally grateful for. During diplomas, Hayden did something that wasn't expected. Like with himself having been promoted due to stellar improvement: he promoted Dylan, and Ethan to Private First Class soldiers instead of Private like the others since to him they showed the move improvement while training in the ten weeks. Hayden enjoyed seeing their shocked faces when he promoted them and reminded them to keep up the good work. After graduation was over, it was more family time and celebrating but Hayden knew he had to tell the Night Terror squadron about deployment-since when they returned from looking up their orders, the sheet had said to see their Drill Sergeant.

"Alright, the sheet said to come see you about stationing...So what's up, Drill Sergeant?" Ethan asked.

"I'll tell ya in a sec, waiting on my squad to because our orders are the same." Hayden stated as he saw Alpha Fire make their way over to the area Hayden and Night Terror were standing in.

"What's up, Cap?" Said Palmer now.

"You remember that radio call I got a few days ago? It was Anderson," Hayden began, "And in a month, we're going back there. Alpha Fire...and Night Terror are being deployed to Afghanistan."

"They can't deploy us right away, can they?" Heather said quickly.

"At least their giving you a month. We left an hour after graduating Basic. Plane came right here and we were gone." Theo stated.

"Now, I've already spoken to Major Anderson about barrack assignments. We'll be in A and B just like the first time, and I'm three of you are switching in to Alpha Fire squadron. Don't ask, I don't know. Something to do with making the teams even. So both Lanvik's and Ericksen, you will be in the A barrack with me and Alpha Fire. Svendsen, Shaw, Palmer, you will be transferring into Delta Fire. There are four others who will be there already, and that will make up the rest of the squadron. Your unit groups will be announced when we get there. Anderson already told me I'm in charge of the platoon, again." Hayden said.

"Got it." Palmer said with a salute.

"Shaw, you'll be in charge of Delta Fire since you're Corporal now and you still report to me." Hayden stated.

"Orders understood, Captain." Shaw said with a salute.

"Good. Now, we leave September 1st from here. It's a ten hour flight, plus any layovers and bare in mind that Afghanistan is four hours and thirty minutes ahead of Archipelago time." Hayden reminded.

"Yes sir." The two groups replied.

"That is all for now, I'll let you know when we're allowed off base to see our families before we leave." Hayden stated, they nodded to him, "Dismissed." They all headed off back to their families and Hayden sighed. So they were going back to Afghanistan, at least he'd have Anderson while there.

(Three Weeks Later)

They had been given time off to see their families on a seventy two hour pass but when they got back they had to start getting ready for deployment. Hayden spent most of his time with he sister, girlfriend, father, and friends but his mind was elsewhere the whole time. Mainly on Tarelto who had becoming unusually quiet over the last few weeks since the announcement of their deployment back to Afghanistan. They were leaving in a week, the plane arrangements had already been made. All dragon riders of Alpha Fire had their dragons sent over already, Toothless of course stayed behind with Hayden. Everyone was now back on base now and just waiting out the rest of the five days until they deployed but something Hayden noticed fast while sitting in the barracks with Alpha Fire: Tarelto wasn't there and he knew he'd come back from leave already.

Hayden was getting a really bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, "Hey! Any of you seen Tarelto?" Hayden asked finally.

"Saw him an hour ago, said he was going for a run." Dylan stated.

"Don't leave the barrack, I'm going to look for him." Hayden said getting his BDU on minus the vest and gun. His boots went on last as he left the barrack and began walking. He knew something was wrong, Tarelto hated going for runs and only did them because he had too. Tarelto had been far too quiet the last few weeks and Hayden just couldn't take sitting around not knowing what was up.

(Twenty Minutes Later)

He'd gone to the mess hall, the track, the parade grounds, and just about all over base where Tarelto would go but so no sign of him until he was standing in front of the forest. It was almost 7:30 at night, and Hayden crouched down seeing where the grass had been stepped on previously. No one was allowed in the forest after dark without permission, Hayden looked farther in and saw nothing but his gut told him otherwise. Hayden made his way inside and looked around following any signs of a person having been through there on the path he was taking. About a ½ mile in, Hayden heard sobbing, and followed it. When he got there, he found Tarelto on his knees with his back to Hayden. Before Hayden could say or do anything: he saw Tarelto lift his hand gun to the side of his head, "TARELTO! NO, STOP! Don't do it!" Hayden called out-but it was too late. He pulled the trigger and the gun shot rang out through the trees as Hayden helplessly watched while Tarelto's body just fell over.

Hayden's body began to shake uncontrollably as he hit his knees with widened eyes of what he'd seen. He just watched Tarelto shoot himself in the head...Tarelto committed suicide right in front of him. Hayden had seen a lot of death on the battle field of enemies killing his friends but this...this was something he didn't know what to make of but he knew one thing: it hurt. "NO" He yelled out as loud as he could before falling forward and letting the tears fall from his eyes. "No...Gods, no...Not...you too..." He whispered.

(In The Barracks)

They all seemed to quiet down when the gunshot was fire and rang through the almost quiet base. "That...sounded like Hayden..." Jasmine said quickly. Without another word they rushed out after getting their boots on, like them-others heard it too and were coming out to investigate. They caught up with DS Ramirez then the privates were ordered to stay back out of the forest because it was wild dragon territory. Alpha Fire were with the other Drill Sergeants, making their way through the forest until they stopped seeing Hayden on his knees, then just past him was Tarelto's body with the gun still in his hand. They could see Hayden shaking hard, the only other time they saw this was when Ritka died. It was new though for Ethan, Heather, and Dylan to see, they'd never seen Hayden in such a state and honestly they were a little moved by it.

"Hayden?..." DS Ramirez asked slowly.

"He killed himself." Hayden said in a void tone, "He left a note..." Hayden held out his hand with the paper in it, DS Ramirez took it and began to read the few words written.

I can't do it. The pain of losing my closest friends never stopped and I didn't want to see anymore death. I didn't want to go back to war, but they wouldn't let me leave. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. I just want to stop seeing everything. I just couldn't take it anymore. -Tarelto

"I told him...to talk to me. I asked him so many times if I could...help and he told me he was fine...I-I didn't know...he was suffering so much." Hayden forced out, still shaking.

"Haddock...What did you see?" DS Amunsav asked now stepping forward.

"Nothing. I found him like this about five minutes ago...I was looking for him, heard the shot when walking past the forest...and then...I found him..." Hayden said.

"Are you..." Before the sentence could finish, Hayden stood up silently with his head down.

"I just walked into the forest to find another one of my friends dead and for fuck's sake it wasn't even an enemy who killed him. How the fuck do you think I feel right now!" He stopped took a breath, he wouldn't say the rest of his thoughts. He wanted to be alone, "Just stay away from me..." Hayden turned and walked away without another word. He got out of the forest and just returned to his barrack, he reached his bunk but didn't sit on it. He sat on the floor against the wall, knees up, arms draped over them with his head down. He didn't speak a word, he didn't look up, and he couldn't find anymore tears to cry. Tarelto was dead, he'd killed himself because he couldn't take the pain of losing everyone they had, and he didn't want to go back to war and risk losing more. That's why he killed himself, because he couldn't leave the army or escape the pain: he felt death was his only way out so he took it and now he was gone.

After fifteen minutes, the rest of Alpha Fire returned to the barrack and saw Hayden sitting on the floor in silence. They wanted to ask if he was okay but knew he wasn't and doubted highly he'd want to talk either. "I'm going to call Anderson..." Theo said quietly.

"Don't you dare." Hayden warned.

"But..." Jasmine started.

"I said: no. That's an order. I will tell him myself." Hayden remarked coldly.

"Yes sir." Theo replied. For the next two hours, the barracks were quiet. Around 10pm, they all went to bed except for Hayden who just stayed in his spot and didn't move an inch. He would never unsee what he did tonight, he wouldn't unsee a lot of things but this was something...that he didn't know he could recover from. Tarelto had killed himself, and Hayden saw the whole thing and once again: he couldn't stop it. And he felt pain that rivaled and surpassed the pain of being shot, as well losing Ritka, Matthews, and Lennox. Those didn't hurt as much as this did. "I didn't know..." Was all he could manage to say in the dead of night when the others were sleeping, and it was true. He didn't know Tarelto was suffering, Hayden knew something wasn't right from the minute the deployment was announced but even when he asked Tarelto if he was okay, he was told: I'm fine, and of course this only proved that he wasn't. Hayden thought he couldn't cry anymore, but around 3am sitting it the utter silence and darkness of the barrack, he found them slipping down his cheeks.