Unintentional Hero
Author: Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions
Rated: M for a variety of things that will happen
Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid
Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD
35; My Wish
(Berk)
Camille and Gerald watched the slow changing facial expressions on Avery's face after Hayden called her and knew it was anything but a happy make up conversation. They watched her smile at first, then get worried, then start crying and finally they heard her tell him not to leave-then after that, ask if he loved her then why was he hurting her now and they both had a feeling they knew what happened. Hayden broke up with her. Avery cried as she slowly put her head down, then just lost it with heavy tears falling from her blue eyes. Camille instantly sat beside her and wrapped her arms around her friend who was basically a sister to her while Avery just cried uncontrollably in her friend's arms. "Ssh, it'll be okay," Camille whispered comfortingly.
"H-he bro-broke up with...m-me..." Avery whimpered out.
"Why though? You apologized for yelling at him, didn't you? I don't think Hayden would leave you over something like this," Gerald offered lightly.
Avery pulled away from Camille as she wiped her eyes. "He...said that he couldn't take hurting me anymore, and that I...deserved better than him and his military life...so he left me so I could...be happy..."
"He's just trying to give you a better life..." Camille tried now.
"He's the only one who makes it better!" Avery cried out, "He said he will refuse to answer all my calls until he knows I've moved on..."
"Just...give him a little time..." Camille offered softly. "Was he okay otherwise?"
"He said he'd been shot in the side during a mission..." Avery informed wiping her eyes although the tears continued to fall.
"I'm sure he'll come around: he's just stressed out and probably not thinking clearly from after being shot..." Gerald suggested.
"I-I hope...so...because I don't know...what I'll do without him..." Avery whimpered softly as Camille held her again.
(Afghanistan)
Hayden sat there on the medical cot, looking at the back of his phone. He knew Avery would probably try to call him soon, but he wouldn't answer her at all. She needed to forget about him and move on so she could be happy with a guy who could be, would be all that he couldn't. Of course he loved her but their relationship just wasn't possible to maintain with all his deployments. He'd been deployed two other times, three total, he was still on his third and it was only about a week into it. They couldn't see one another, or talk a lot. They'd just argue more and more: hell they couldn't even have sex because he was worried he'd get her pregnant and with how often he was injured: he couldn't do that to her. He didn't want to do to her what happened to Ritka's fiancee and daughter who would never get him back.
"How are you feeling, Captain Haddock?" the medic asked him, walking over now.
"On a scale of one to ten, it's about a four right now..." Hayden replied.
"Think you can handle getting back to your barrack to rest up another few days or do I have to make you stay here?" the medic questioned him.
"I'll be fine. Thanks, Brendan," Hayden said as he got up slowly, grabbed his phone to stuff it in his pocket while walking out of the medical tent to get to his barrack. He stayed silent for most of the walk and he didn't want to move fast so the stitches wouldn't open up. His mind was in other places: he hoped Avery was alright. She said she'd been with Camille and his father so that meant she wasn't along at least and he expected a scolding level call from Cami later for this but it was his choice and he did what he felt would be good for both of them. Getting to the barrack he took a deep breath and walked in getting their attention quickly.
"Cap, you're out of medical..." Jasmine smiled softly.
"Yeah..." Hayden nodded quietly as he moved to his bunk and climbed up it slowly-then laid down staring at the ceiling. His phone began to vibrate: he reached over for it and sure enough, it was Avery. It pained him to do it but he just put it down and closed his eyes. It happened fifteen more times but he never picked it up once. Not long after that Avery tried to call Theo, Jasmine, Ethan, Heather, and Dylan to get a hold of him. "Any of you answer her and I swear to Odin you'll be doing push ups until your arms break..."
"Why'd you leave her?" Theo asked softly.
"You were standing there when I said it, Theo...She deserves better. She wants a future, a family...and I can't give her that," Hayden sighed.
"You could..." Dylan offered.
"And what? Have her worrying about me day and night? Not being able to sleep if I haven't called for a few days? Being away while she's pregnant, possibly missing the birth of our child? How is that fair to her to have to go through all that? It's not and I'm not going to subject her to it," Hayden said firmly.
"There were ways to make it work, Captain..." Jasmine tried now.
"I said no. Alright, it was my choice. I did what I felt was best for her and I'm not taking it back. My military life isn't one she needs to be a part of. It's my job to protect the people I love and this is me protecting her. By letting her go so she can be happy." Hayden heard his phone vibrate: this time he knew it was his sister because of the style vibration the phone gave off: he'd set custom ones for each caller, groaning he sat up in bed and reached for it. "What?"
"Don't be cold to me, Hayden...What the hell happened?" Camille asked.
"I did what I had to do," Hayden sighed, "Is she still there?"
"No...Dad took her home because she's a complete mess because you left her. I thought you loved her..." Camille stated.
"I do love her, Camille. And that's why I had to let her go, because she deserves better and I'm not going to make her stay where she isn't happy. You and Dad aren't happy I'm here, and I know she isn't either. It's not fair to her that she waits around for me worrying constantly for sometimes days at a time to call," Hayden closed his eyes again.
"Well that should be her choice, not yours! She told you when you two got together she could handle it..." Camille reminded him.
"I know, but she can't. Her yelling at me when I didn't call for eight days was proof of that. I know she yelled because she was scared but that's all I need to know she isn't happy. And we can't have a future, she wants to get married and have children. And my lifestyle...it's just not good for that," Hayden said again for the second time.
"Hayden, I think you're overreacting about this..." Gerald said now in the background.
"Oh not you too, Dad..." Hayden sighed out heavily.
"Well you're being a little unfair to her, she apologized for freaking out on you a few days ago. We all got scared, you were so cold and quiet on the phone...We understand why now but can you blame us?" Gerald tried. Hayden took a breath.
"Listen to me, alright. I'm not going to take any of your calls if you're just going to give me shit about my choice to leave her because I want more for her than I can give! Why is that wrong of me, for wanting more for her than just sitting around waiting for my call that could take days, or weeks to come? Why should I make her worry? It's not fair to her that I put her through all that. I know some couples can do it but it's hard on the one stuck at home wondering and I'm not going to put her through that!" Hayden said.
"Well we wait too! We all do," Camille interjected.
"You're family, it doesn't count. I'm your brother, and Dad's son. You'll wait no matter what, you'll wait because you feel obligated to. But Avery...she shouldn't have to wait around for me. I let her go, I freed her from that pain. Now she has a chance to be happy. This was a sacrifice I was willing to make for her, for someone I love more than words can ever say. They say if you truly love something than you have to let it go," Hayden mentioned. By now he saw Anderson come in the barrack. "It's not fair that she waits for me, and I'm not going to do it to her. I can't because it's killing me to hear her crying, which is why I know you two lied to me. She's not back home, she had you call and I know I'm on speakerphone too. I have half a mind to hang up and and refuse to take any calls at all from any of you."
"Hayden, please don't!" Avery's voice cut through now. Hayden cringed almost.
"I'm sorry I let it get this far, I should have ended this months ago when I was in Iraq. I've been thinking about it this for a long time, since the day I saw you both hit the ground when that plane showed up at the school for deployment. I never want to have to see or hear that again. And you don't deserve to have to suffer because of me, Avery. And you know I'm right. There are too many things that aren't fair to you and I don't want to be the one to cause that pain," Hayden stated.
"It's not fair that you're not even giving it a chance!" Avery shouted at him now, obviously in tears.
"See, even now you're mad at me because I'm trying to do better for you! This whole thing has been a chance since we got together, Avery. You said you could handle it, and you can't. I know you yelled at me because you were scared and worried, but don't you understand that I don't want to put you through that, put us through it? Do you grasp that this right here is why I never gave in and had sex with you? It's not because I didn't want you, it's because I can't bear to hurt you. I'm not going to do that to you. You say you can handle it but let me ask you this: can you handle it if we got married and you never get to see me because I live on one of the island's bases and never get to see me unless I get leave? If I get deployed over and over again and you never get to see me? You said you wanted a family: can you handle me not being around for any of your appointments? Possibly not making it home for the birth? Or Odin forbid it but I die and you see one of my friends showing up at your door to tell you I'm dead. And then what?! Then what, Avery. Is that fair to you to have to deal with any of that because of me?! It's not and you know it. So I'm not going to be unfair to you...I want you to be happy." Hayden said.
"I'm happy with you..."
Oh he was going to hate doing this but he knew he had to or she'd never stop, "Well, you're going to have to find someone else to be happy with because I left you. It's over and I'm done. This will be the last time you hear from me. Goodbye, Avery." Hayden pulled the phone down, hung it up-then he threw it at the wall which shattered the screen and broke it open a little. "Effectively immediately, I'm unreachable..." he said quietly, "I'm sorry..."
"Hayden?" Anderson asked. Hayden glanced over at him sadly, "Why don't you come take a walk with me." Hayden didn't say anything, he just got off the bed-holding his side and walked with Anderson out of the barrack. "Talk to me."
"What do you want me to say? I broke up with her for her own good...she'll thank me for it one day," Hayden mumbled.
"But you still love her." Anderson said.
"And Gods know I always will, Anderson...But I'm not going to put her through this..." Hayden admitted.
"I wasn't knocking it. The life of a soldier is hard, a lot of sacrifices we make for the people we love. The highest price is losing our lives. But Hayden, there are married quarters you know. And the military would let you go home for the birth of a child because its family. We're not all heartless assholes here..." Anderson told him.
"But it's still not fair to her, Anderson. Why should I be home for a week for the birth, then have to go again because of deployment? My first tour here in Afghanistan was eighteen months, my tour in Iraq was sixteen. If Avery and I had a child, that's how long I have to be away, how much I'd miss out on...First words, steps...it would break Avery to have to deal with it herself." Hayden sighed, "And let's not forget the amount of times I've been shot...any one of them could kill me and I don't want her to ever have to be at home with our kid, then get a knock on the door from Theo or even you telling her I'm dead."
"Well it is your choice, kid. I'm your CO, friend, brother and I'll stand by the choices you make. I just want you to be okay," Anderson said as he patted his back.
"She might hate me right now, and crying her eyes out but...she'll get over me, she'll move on, and one day...she'll thank me for saving her," Hayden stated.
"I'm sure she will. Now uh...you did just break your phone so how do you plan to call home?" Anderson asked.
"I...hadn't really thought about that...Guess I'll just write back," Hayden shrugged. Anderson chuckled as he put his arm over Hayden's shoulders and led him towards his office-then inside where he reached into his desk drawer and tossed him an old phone.
"It's about a year old and uses the wifi. But I'm sure you can download a texting and calling app or some shit like that to use for now," Anderson told him.
"Thanks...I think I'll lay low for a while though...I know Avery will probably just try to call the others again to get a hold of me...She'll be okay in time...I stay quiet enough, she'll move on. She'll understand that I'm only doing this for her," Hayden said, putting the phone away in his pocket after Anderson gave him the charger for it. "I'm gonna go lay down for a while, still tired..." Anderson nodded to him as he left and returned back to the barrack. He ignored them all and moved onto his bed: laying down he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
(Berk)
Camille had called over Rachel, Felix, TJ, and Seth to be there for Avery. After Hayden hung up, Avery was a mess. Camille got a hold of Theo who told her that Hayden broke his phone and left with Anderson to talk. Camille knew her brother loved Avery but never thought he'd go as far as breaking up with her to keep her safe and let her be happy. In a way, she understood his side now. In Hayden's mind, he couldn't give Avery what she wanted. He could but he might never be around for her and that hurt him so he was letting her go so she could be happy with someone else. He was willing to lose her so she could find someone who could give her everything he couldn't. She felt her phone vibrate as it was a text from Theo; He just got bk, went right 2 sleep.
-How is he-
-Still recoverin from the wound and looked calmer than when he left. He's just...trying to protect her, Cami...-
-I kno, but she's a mess...-
-She'll be okay eventually, they both just need time apart.-
-I don't think it will be that easy. See if you can get him to call us later, I'll make sure Avery isn't here..."
-Will try, ttyl.-
Camille put her phone down and saw Avery still crying: she felt bad for both of them. Camille knew how much Hayden loved Avery, and how much she loved him back. And now this to deal with: him breaking up with Avery to protect her. She just hoped they'd both be okay and heard from Hayden again, she knew how he was. If he was mad or upset enough, he wouldn't call, text, or skype anyone until he relaxed. Camille sighed as she looked to her father, then the two looked at the still sobbing Avery. This was going to be a long recovery.
(Afghanistan)
Hayden slept for a good two hours, when he woke up he noticed the others weren't in the barrack. He checked the time to see that it was dinner time-which suddenly explained why the barrack was empty except for him. He pulled out the phone Anderson gave him and began to charge it up. While it did so, he went to take a shower. He needed to relax after the last few days. He'd only been back in Afghanistan about six days, already been shot once saving Ethan and with all that time to himself he realized that he had to leave Avery for her own good. She deserved better than him. He stood under the water for a good fifteen minutes with his eyes closed before starting to actually shower. Another ten minutes passed as he got out, dried off and slipped on his boxers and pants. He stayed shirtless in order to shave quickly, then slipped on his shirt after reapplying the wrappings to his side.
Hayden exited the bathroom and got on his bed to see the phone actually on now: he would download something later to call home with-more than likely it would just be Skype. For now, he just wanted to listen to music. Attacks had been pretty quiet since he arrived and made such an entrance with Toothless. He knew when something was going on, not much could drown out the sound of the war horn going off-not even his headphones. He closed his eyes and let the music start as he laid down and relaxed not realizing the squadron was returning with Ethan on the phone with Rachel.
"So what is he doing right now besides ignoring everyone's phone calls?" Rachel asked.
"We told ya, he broke his phone. Like he threw it against the wall...Right now he's listening to music on-I think a phone Anderson gave him. How's Avery?" Ethan asked.
"A mess, still crying. Hasn't stopped since he broke things off," Rachel sighed now. The squadron heard him humming, "What's that sound?"
"Hayden humming," Dylan answered.
"I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, and each road leads you where you wanna go. And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you. And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window. If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile. But more than anything, more than anything..." That just about shocked them to hear Hayden start singing.
"I think Avery needs to hear this..." Heather said.
(Berk)
Rachel heard the singing, and what Heather said so she put the phone on speaker and handed it to Avery, "Heather said you might want to hear this..." Avery sniffled a few times and listened as Hayden was singing.
"My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too...Yeah, this, is my wish." She heard Hayden sing softly, the tears just kept falling while she listened.
"I hope you never look back, but you never forget, all the ones who love you, in the place you live. I hope you always forgive, and you never regret, and you help somebody every chance you get. Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake, and always give more than you take. But more than anything, yeah, more than anything..." He paused taking a breath.
"My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too...Yeah, this, is my wish. Yeah, yeah!" Avery just cried, what else could she do. He was really...letting her go.
"My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too...Yeah, this, is my wish (my wish, for you). This is my wish (my wish, for you). I hope you know somebody loves you (my wish, for you). May all your dreams stay big (my wish, for you)..." Before she could say anything, she heard the others say 'Oh shit...'-then Hayden's voice.
"I swear to God if you have me singing on speaker and Avery is listening...I will kill one of you. Don't make it worse for her, she'll get over me eventually...and she'll be happier when there is a guy who can give her all she wants and needs in life. Until then, don't make it harder...That's why I broke my phone...So I can't be reached and she can't be updated on me or she'll never get over me. It's for the best that I did this..." Avery just cried harder when the phone cut out. Her face was buried in her hands, she just wanted him back.
(Afghanistan)
Hayden had opened his eyes to see Ethan holding the phone out, that's how he knew he was on the phone and the entire barrack was quiet. He knew Avery was listening, that's why he said what he did. Hayden sighed as he closed his eyes again and turned over to go to sleep. "I'll always love her-but she'll be happy with someone else who can give her what needs and deserves. I'm not that someone...Good night," Hayden said. The others looked down a bit: they were worried for him but knew better than to press. After ten minutes of silence, they checked Hayden and he was fast asleep but that didn't stop them from seeing the fact that there were tear stains on his cheeks. He'd been crying silently, and that honestly hurt them to know he was hurting himself for the sake of Avery's happiness. On his phone screen, they saw the last song played was, "Broken" by Lifehouse.
"Just leave him be...he needs time just like she does. It hurts him as much as it hurts her. It's not just her who has to let go...he doesn't want to do this but he's forcing himself, to give her a better life, a reach chance at happiness," Anderson mentioned quietly as he looked at Hayden who was asleep still. The others nodded, they knew it was hard for him and just hoped he'd be okay: he suffered so much already.
