Unintentional Hero

Author: Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

Rated: M for a variety of things that will happen

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid

Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD

39; Same As Them

Three months had passed since that night Avery was hurt while in Afghanistan. It was now March 2021, Hayden was officially twenty-one years old and although it had been against the rules: Anderson decided to celebrate the birthday by letting Hayden drink a little, which then got out of hand at the party in the barrack. Hayden ended up wasted and sick as shit the next morning. Swore he'd never let Anderson take him drinking when the tour was over. Attacks had been just about non-existent, it appeared that after Hayden's little rage fit and took out thirty-five men, and the others ran back that no one wanted to face the kid on the Night Fury that could glow blue. Good for the Archipelago, not so good for the Afghans. Actually, Anderson pulled Hayden aside and said that his little stunt might of started peace negotiations between the two countries. With no attacks, the patrols were easier-so were the guards shifts. Hayden had more time to call home too but wasn't allowed to talk about anything pertaining to what was going on on their side of things.

Hayden was shocked, his rage might of ended the war? Oh he couldn't wait to see how that turned out if it got announced to the public. 'Twenty year old soldier with a Night Fury ends the war in a fit of rage because his girlfriend got stabbed saving his life' Oh Gods help him if that was the headline. Things had been stable otherwise. Avery healed well from the stab, she only got a small scar from it and now she and Camille were in college together but roomed at their own houses to avoid housing costs offered by the university: even though it was actually just a community college. Avery was shocking enough going into dragon care: the study in which she learned about each species and how to care for them if sick or hurt, as well study and work with them daily. Camille was going into dragon racing and some care, she like caring for baby dragons so she was working part time at a dragon nursery now.

Hayden was happy for them, glad things worked out. Rachel, TJ, Felix, and Seth were all just working full time jobs now and Hayden was sure he heard Rachel and Felix were taking online courses for something or another. Life was good for everyone actually and what shocked Hayden the most about being in Afghanistan was that Ethan and Dylan both gave their full respect to him, No more snide remarks, no questioning him, and they even apologized for all the bullying he endured because of them. And Hayden was thankful that no one else on his team had died, everyone was safe because he he'd lost anyone else, he might lose it himself: he admitted that to Anderson. Theo had gotten hurt once, he got shot in the shoulder but no major damage, it just put him out of commission for two weeks. Currently, Alpha Fire was off duty and enjoying some time in the barracks. Hayden figured that he may as well call home and check on everyone. It was only 8:30pm for him so it had to 3pm for Berk, his sister and Avery should be just getting out of class. He knew they took at least three together.

He placed the phone to his ear and waited to see if Camille would answer-which of course she did on the third ring. "Hey bro! Sorry I didn't answer right away, class just let out."

"It's cool sis. How are you?" Hayden asked.

"Good! Getting ready to go home and relax, Avery's coming too. She's so tired today, she actually fell asleep once." Camille giggled.

"Why is she tired? She feeling okay?" Hayden asked softly, of course he worried-especially since the whole thing where her body thought it was pregnant. That had just been, strange and a conversation he never wanted to have again while Ethan, Dylan, Heather, Harry, and the medic where he out right said that whenever he came, he never let Avery touch herself. To this day it still made him uncomfortable to think about that but oh well, it was done and over with now.

"Just a headache, she said she didn't sleep well last night. Want to talk to her, I actually have go to the bathroom really badly." Camille said softly.

"Please and go already you dummy." Hayden rolled his eyes with a chuckle, there was some shuffling and then he heard a tired yawn emit from his girlfriend's mouth. "Hey beautiful." Hayden greeted lightly.

"Hey babe..." Avery said to him.

"Tired today?" Hayden asked.

"Mmhm. I was uncomfortable all night, might be time for a new mattress..." Avery remarked with a small laugh.

"Well if you end up getting a new one, let me know. I'll make sure I'm home to help break it in with you." Hayden chuckled now. The squadron began to snicker about him essentially saying they'd mess around on it, "Oh shut up, I meant sleep on it with her not sleep with her on it! You're all such perverts..." Hayden groaned.

"Sure ya did, Haddock. We all know how badly you want Avery. Saw that three months ago when you made us leave the barrack for half an hour!" Sanchez laughed with them.

"I didn't make you do shit, Anderson did. You were more than welcome to stay and watch me show my girl a good time." Hayden smirked.

"Oh my Gods, Hayden!" Avery squeaked.

"What babe? You can't deny it, can you?" Hayden asked now.

"No, but still...Our business. And it wasn't all fun, you didn't let me do it back to you." Avery said, Hayden could hear the pout in her voice.

"Next time I get leave, I'll spend all day with you and doing whatever you want to do, okay?" Hayden smiled.

"I'll hold you to that...so...are you alone right now, or...could you find a place to be alone. I...need to talk to you..." Avery said softly. Hayden was a little confused as he shook his head at his still laughing friends and then made his way outside and sat in the stable with Toothless.

"Alright, I'm outside with Toothless. So what's up?" Hayden asked-not long after, he heard her crying a little and got worried, "Avery...What's wrong babe?" He asked softer.

"I can't...make it stop, Hayden...I can't..." she cried to him.

"Can't make what stop? Talk to me, what's going on?..." Hayden said to her and then she said something he'd been fearing her saying since it happened...

"I can't stop...seeing me kill that enemy soldier. It...haunts me, it's why...I can't sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night hearing a gunshot, I start...shaking, and crying and it won't stop. What if...that soldier was a kid! They were masked, I didn't see his face...! Hayden it's driving me crazy...And you said...to call you if it started bothering me..." Avery cried now. This is what he'd been afraid of, now she was scared to know if she'd killed a kid.

"It's okay...It's alright, I know it's hard. I kill...all the time-not that I want too just because I don't have a choice...It's all survival out there, its...kill or be killed. How long has this been bothering you or did it just start?" Hayden asked now as he got up and made his way to Anderson's office. Hayden had trouble dealing with this, and it still bothered him four years later. Anderson would be better to help Avery over himself.

"About two weeks after you brought me home..." Avery admitted.

"This has been going on two and a half months and you didn't call me right away, you promised babe..." Hayden said softly.

"I-I'm sorry...I thought...if I told myself I did it...to protect you that it would make me...feel better but it's not...and I feel like...a horrible person for killing another human...being. It hurts, Hayden...I just...want it to stop. The flashbacks, the nightmares, the pain, the feeling...I just want it to stop..." Avery whimpered as Hayden knocked on Anderson's door and waited.

"It will...I know how to help you. The same way someone helped me...It's going to be okay." Hayden soothed her as Anderson opened the door and saw him there, they only spoke with their eyes but Hayden looked past him to see Anderson had clearly been in a meeting with the other leaders of the base camp.

"Hayden, is something wrong?" Anderson asked softly. Hayden put the phone on mute so Avery wouldn't hear him.

"I need your help." Hayden said.

"With what? I'm in the middle of a meeting with the others about the possible war ending. Is it life threatening?" Anderson asked.

"It might be if she doesn't get help..." Hayden sighed, Anderson put a hand on his shoulder and led him inside.

"Tell me what's going on." Anderson said.

"It's Avery. She said she can't stop seeing herself shoot that soldier in the head. She can't sleep, and she wakes up sweating, crying, and shaking...Anderson please...I don't...know how to do this because I still have issues of my own on the subject. She won't tell anyone else, she only trusts me because she knows I've killed before..." Hayden asked, "Not that I'm proud of it but you know what I'm saying." Hayden added. Anderson put his hand out now and Hayden handed over the phone as Anderson took it off mute.

"Avery? This is Harry Anderson. Hayden says you're having a little trouble coping with what happened." Anderson began.

"B-But he told me to call him if it started bothering me...Can't he...help me?" Avery whimpered.

"He's still right here but Hayden...I've helped him so he thinks I might be better suited to help you. You did the right thing in telling him though, never good to bottle it inside. I know it's hard to handle, taking another life isn't something to be proud of but you have to remember why you did it." Anderson tells her now as Hayden just leaned against the wall with his eyes closed, oh so many times he'd been told this and it didn't make him feel any better: he hoped it did something for Avery.

"I—I know you're...trying, Major...Anderson but I just...want Hayden..." Avery cried more, Anderson looked at Hayden a shrug.

"Sorry, Haddock. I tried but this is something you gotta do, she needs to hear it from you that it's going to be okay." Hayden took the phone.

"Let me call you back on Skype, okay?" Hayden asked.

"Okay..." Avery responded, Hayden hung up.

"What do I tell her, Anderson? It took me four years to get over what I did, and hell sometimes it still comes back..." Hayden asked.

"Just tell her it will be okay, she knows you've been through it. So she needs to know it's going to be okay from you. You can do this and you got me for support okay?" Anderson patted his back. Hayden nodded as he pulled up Avery's Skype name and pressed it, after two rings: it connected and he saw her tear filled eyes.

"Avery, it's okay. I know it scares you but it's going to be okay. If I can do it...so can you. I know its hard, I didn't...have an easy time my first kill either and it still bothers me...but I made peace with it...because I knew that what I did was better for people I care about. I want you to do something for me okay?" He said her nod sadly, sniffling and trying to wiper her eyes. "I want you to take a deep breath and close your eyes," Hayden instructed gently, he watched her take a deep breath and close her eyes, "Good now...I want you to remember that night okay? The night you shot that soldier and tell me what happened but don't open your eyes." Hayden said.

The others in the room actually sat quietly listening to him, if she wanted to forget then why would he make her remember it so vividly? Anderson just sat back and assured them it would be fine, "I was...sitting in the barrack below the windows because I heard the gunshots going off and didn't want to get hit...I watched...you get slammed into the wall and block the guy who tried to hit you with his machete...I saw you push him back and shoot him in the leg, then...I saw you block another guy's gun with your own-you reached for your pistol and shot him in the head." She paused as Hayden saw her shake a bit.

"It's okay, you're doin fine babe. It's alright, just keep telling me what happened next." Hayden reminded.

"I saw you get forced to the ground and hit your head really hard-you looked...out of breath and dizzy. I saw the guy raise his dagger to kill you and I just...rushed out and stood between you and him, I crouched down and got your pistol from the holster and faced the guy, I was...terrified and felt something sharp in the side, I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger. By the time I opened them again, I saw the guy dead on the ground with the...bullet I'd put in his head-then pain overtook me and you caught me...I don't remember anything after I was brought into the barrack..." Avery admitted.

"Now...I want you to tell me why you did it. You knew it was dangerous, you knew I'd told you to stay in the barrack...Why did you run out in a fire fight?" Hayden asked.

"Because...I thought you were going to die..." Avery answered.

"Why did you grab my gun and fire at the enemy?" Hayden pressed.

"To...protect you like you'd always done for me...I couldn't let you die, I just...lost it with fear and did the only thing I thought I could do. I knew if I'd...pushed him down or away then he could have shot me so I just...grabbed your gun and shot him to save you...I couldn't...let you die." Avery cried more.

"Exactly. You felt scared, you felt fear of losing someone you care about and for you...protective instinct took over so you rushed out regardless of your own safety to protect me. You may of taken one life, but you saved another: and that life was mine, Avery. Yes, Theo would have shot the guy too, but you didn't hear Theo yell that he had me covered. You saw fear, and you acted on it. I know it's not a sight you want to keep remembering but like Anderson said babe...you have to remember why you did it. To save someone you love." Hayden reminded lightly.

"But Hayden...I'm not...a soldier. I'm just...a civilian who was in a place she shouldn't have been. I killed someone and I...feel so wrong for doing it. I keep hearing a voice tell me that I'm just a murderer..." Avery cried more hiding her face in her hands.

"Avery don't you ever say that again, understand me. You're not a murderer! You were protecting me, you saved my life. You didn't want to lose me so you stopped it. You killed because you had too, and if you hadn't...you might be dead too. Like you said: if you only knocked the guy over then he could have shot you and that might not of been something I could of saved you from. Babe...you remember what I told you that I did after you got hurt?" Hayden asked.

"You...killed thirty-five people..." Avery said now.

"And I did it...because I wanted too," Hayden said, he saw Anderson and the others tense up a little, "I didn't kill those people because I had too. I knew I could scare them off but I didn't. I had Zipplebacks trap them in a ring of fire, had Nadders shoot their spines in then had Toothless plasma blast the inside of the circle and killed thirty-five people because only one of them hurt you. If anyone is a murderer here, it's me. Because I didn't kill to protect three months ago, I killed because I was pissed off and completely enraged, all I saw was red when I did it and I'll be honest...I didn't feel a single ounce of remorse when I did it. All because you got hurt, you didn't die. But I killed thirty-five others because you had been stabbed saving me..." Hayden admitted.

"But Hayden...You were just...trapped in grief that I got hurt..." Avery tried now.

"No, Avery. I killed because I wanted to. I was in grief, I was enraged. Three months ago...I wasn't a soldier, I was a killer. And I don't feel bad because those bastards have taken enough people away from me. Avery, you killed to protect. You didn't do what I did...You killed because you felt you had to. I killed because I wanted to." Hayden said softer.

"Can you...just tell me one thing, or maybe Anderson can?" Avery asked now as she began to calm down.

"What would you like to know?" Anderson asked now.

"That...person I shot...was he a kid?" Anderson froze and Hayden looked over at him, the man did say anything but Hayden already knew the answer. He looked at Avery with a straight face.

"No. He was a man in his late thirties. You didn't kill a kid, Avery...You shot a man who was trying to kill me..." Hayden said to her. He saw her sigh in relief, "Do you feel a little better?" Hayden asked.

"I do...Thank you, Hayden...I knew if anyone could help me it was you. You're the best...I better go, my phone is dying. Call me later?" Avery asked, her smiled returning.

"I will, Sky Eyes. Keep them dry for me, we're not due for rain until I get home and get to hold you again. I love you." Hayden said with a smile.

"Love you to, Hiccup." Avery said, the call ended as Hayden lowered the phone.

"Hayden...Why'd you tell her she didn't kill a kid when she shot an seventeen year old in the forehead?..." Asked Colonel Jacobson, Hayden faced them only slightly.

"Because I didn't want her to suffer what I did...Shootin a kid...enemy soldier or not, is a shitty feeling that never leaves you alone and I didn't want her to feel like that. She shouldn't have to feel the way I do. Like a terrible human being for killing a kid, she shouldn't have to feel like a murderer. It doesn't matter what we defend or stand up for, we're still humans, killing other humans for the sake of peace. We fight for what we believe in, and so do they. How can peace be created when we kill our own kind? Peace only exists when there is no fighting, no death...and all we're doing out here is fighting and killing each other to defend what we believe in. The same as them. We're the same as them, fighting and dying for what we believe in," Hayden remarked preparing to leave.

"Hold up just a second there, Captain Haddock...It's not in your file or evals that you ever reported killing a kid on the field...When was this?" Asked Lt. Col. Grayson curiously. Hayden didn't even face them as he put his hand on the door.

"Why don't you all think back to the mission that earned me the Dragon Heart medal and Distinguished Service Cross. For my heroism, getting my squad to safety, fighting with a shot arm, and getting myself out. You all wanted to know how I got out; its because I shot a kid point blank in the forehead when I was seventeen years old. Thank you for your time gentlemen, I apologize for interrupting the meeting," With that the door opened and he walked out silently to return to his barrack.