Obi Wan's POV
That night found him back in the quarters he was sharing with Xanatos. Xanatos arrived right before meal time. He had been carrying two plates of steaming hot food. It was a welcome distraction from trying to fix his ship.
Their meal was eaten in near silence both of them lost to their own thoughts. Obi Wan's thoughts centered around what he needed to do. His men wanted him to return as their commander. The Jedi council wanted him to stay.
His own heart was conflicted between the two. Part of him wanted to return to the stars. There had always been where he felt most at peace. Another part wanted to stay. Across the force he felt some thing connecting him to Xanatos. The man was almost an anchor to him in the endless sea of his nightmares.
When the meal was over he returned to his rooms. For the first time since he returned to the temple he chose to meditate.
Crossing his legs he sat on his bed and closed his eyes. At first all he focused on was his breathing. In and out. Deep long breaths.
The Force around him was quiet and almost content. It relaxed him easing the pain that he tried to hide. A thread however connected him to another. It was the same thread he briefly felt earlier in the day.
When he pushed on it he felt confusion. The person on the other side pushed back. It was warm and gentle like a breeze. The feeling was familiar. Only a few seconds later did he realize it was Xanatos. Was this the padawan-master bond?
In his classes they spoke of such a thing. From what he understood it took months to form a proper bond. Was this the byproduct of them spending so much time together?
Shaking his head he pulled himself from the Force. This bond could be a problem. It would make leaving more difficult. He could not afford to become attached to someone he was leaving.
Pain resounded in his chest. Leaving what had been his home for many years would be difficult. The Jedi temple taught him many things as a student. They tried to heal his mental wounds but he only pushed them away. He didn't want help. He was not broken.
Even as he thought the words he knew they weren't true. He was broken by his ventures. Some he was still unable to face. Others he faced but never accepted.
A knock on his door drew his attention. He stood and moved to the door. With a moments hesitation he opened it. Xanatos stood there looking decidedly uncomfortable.
The Jedi Knight wore a white tunic and black slacks. His blue eyes were on him. They held a kind look and it calmed him.
He said taking in Obi Wan's appearance, "I felt something in the force. I thought I would check on you."
That wasn't all that it was but there wasn't any ill intentions. Just a sense of peacefulness.
Obi Wan stated glaring at the Jedi Knight, "I found a connection between us. How did you make that without my permission?"
Xanatos blinked in surprise then he answered softly, "I don't know. It's the beginnings of a training bond. Typically it takes weeks for one to form properly. I've never heard of one forming like this."
The sincerity of the man's words rang through the Force. Obi Wan believed that he was telling the truth. Both of them were on an uncertain playing field. His days with Xanatos were numbered. It wouldn't be much longer before he was due to make a decision.
He asked his blue grey eyes searching Xanatos dark blue eyes, "Do you really think you can help me? So many people have tried. The mind healers of this temple have tried. Even Master Yoda has tried and failed. So why do you think you can help me?"
Xanatos sighed, "I don't know for sure that I can help you. I am so arrogant as to think that I can succeed where Master Yoda failed. I will say that I will do my best. Not just because the Force is pushing us together. But because you trusted me more than any other master since your return."
What he said was true. Obi Wan trusted this man more than anyone at the temple. At least the Jedi of the temple. Garen and Reeft he trusted beyond anyone besides his crew.
He agreed, "That is true. Trust doesn't come easy to me. Even before the war it didn't. Maybe I'm just just not meant to be a Jedi. Maybe my path was always meant to be among the stars."
Xanatos made a low sound in the back of his throat. The pain in his eyes made Obi Wan's heart clench. He didn't want to hurt the Knight. All he wanted was to leave without regrets. It was becoming more and more impossible.
Obi Wan wanted to move forward and apologize. To make the other's pain go away. It was his inner beast reacting. His wolf had never acted this way before. It tolerated other beings but never did it take to someone. What was so special about this man?
As if sensing his dilemma Xanatos stepped forward. His hands warm on his face cupped his chin and made him look up into the warm eyes. There wasn't pity only kindness.
Xanatos said not letting Obi Wan look away, "You are meant to be more than just one who among the stars. I will help you in any way I can. Just please let me in. Let me help you."
Some of the fight left him. With it the walls he built around his heart began to crumble.
He questioned his voice cracking with unsureness, "H...how?"
Happiness sang through their bond. The Knight was genuinely happy that he was willing to open himself. Even if Obi Wan didn't know how.
