Unintentional Hero

Author: Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

Rated: M for a variety of things that will happen

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid

Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD

48; Accept It & Pray

-Hayden's POV-

They say time heals all wounds-that eventually all the pain will disappear but you will never forget. That's what I'd always been told growing up, but what they never told me is that the scars are a constant reminder of the wound that was there, or the pain that did exist and could still return at anytime. It had been three long months since the day I was called to Berk General by Harry's wife because Avery had been admitted for pains and heavy bleeding-but by the time I got there, it was too late and she'd already miscarried the baby she was carrying. I couldn't believe it, I'd missed her called and I hadn't been there for her when she needed me. Avery had to go through the whole process alone while I was stuck on Fort Dreki training Ethan and Dylan on their dragons. She'd called me twice and I didn't get the calls, I only got them an hour later after she was admitted and I saw a call from Maria. I sped off as fast as I could but even in that, Avery had already passed the fetal tissue and our baby was gone.

It hurt so much to see her in such a state: it had been a baby neither of us planned on having because we were wasted the night it happened, it had been a complete accident she ended up pregnant but nevertheless we took what had happened and said we'd get through it and make it work for us. Avery was six weeks pregnant when we found out, then just four weeks later when she was at ten weeks, she miscarried and it hit us both hard. Maybe me more because I hadn't been there for her like I promised I would be. That night was hard and I didn't care who saw me hit the ground and just cry after I had gotten back from Berk General. What else could I do besides that? I'd be scared as hell when I thought Avery was pregnant from our drunken night together, then upset when it came to light she was and she'd tested too early-but I took some of that blame, I'm the one who had insisted she do so. Finally I came to terms I was about to be a father and was happy then it was taken away from me in the blink of an eye.

Before leaving Berk, I'd stood before Camille, my father, friends, and Avery's parents to tell them what happened after Avery had gone with Maria to her house: Avery wasn't ready to be back at home where all the baby items were so Maria said she could stay with her a while. Camille had cried, Dad didn't say much other than he was sorry, and the others just asked if I'd be okay but I didn't have an answer for them. I didn't honestly know. I went to see Avery one more time, to tell her if she needed anything-even if just to talk, to call me and I would answer right away. Getting back to Fort Dreki, I went right to the closet and got the onsie for the baby I'd bought, then looking at the sonogram picture, I just lost it in grief. I don't remember a lot of that night but I remember Anderson coming in and holding me without a warning, he rocked me and told me to let it out because it would all be okay. Bless that man's heart for being there for me, I really don't know what I'd do without him and after I calmed down we had talked about it because he always made me talk to him when something bad happened.

/Flashback/

I didn't know how long I'd been crying for, it felt like there would be no end to them falling from my eyes. My shaking had stopped and the tears were silent, my head was up slightly looking at the onsie and sonogram photo still while Anderson was sitting beside me still with his arm around my shoulders. I knew the rest of Alpha Fire was sitting around quietly just watching me, I didn't care though. I wasn't in the mood, I didn't know how to feel knowing that Avery was no longer pregnant-that she'd miscarried our baby and there was nothing we could do to stop it. "I...suppose you want to know what happened?" I forced out wiping my eyes.

"Of course I do, but if you don't want to talk about it then I understand." Harry told me lightly trying to rub my back to comfort me.

I sighed heavily closing my eyes, "We lost the baby. She...had a miscarriage."

"What...happened?" Jasmine asked.

"I don't know," I forced myself up now and moved to my bunk, pulling myself onto it slowly and checking my phone to see if Avery or Maria had called at all, "Doctor said something to do with chromosomal abnormality or some shit, or the implantation wasn't good and the pregnancy just...ends on its own." I kept my eyes closed now as Anderson climbed up and sat across from me.

"And there was nothing they could do?" Samantha said lightly.

I shook my head, "No...baby was too little,"

"I'm sorry, Hayden...I can't imagine what you're feeling right now." Harry put his hand on my shoulder, "You rushed off because Avery called and told you right?"

"No...I rushed off because your wife called me to say Avery had been admitted to Berk General and...the doctors wouldn't tell her anything. Maria didn't even know Avery was having a miscarriage, not until after...it was already over..." I sighed.

"So Avery called her when it started?" Ethan asked.

"Neither of them know. Avery was just...having a lot of pains and when she started bleeding heavy, Maria offered to take her to the hospital...Then by the time I got informed and got there, the miscarriage was over and Avery was just waiting to be discharged. She's staying with your wife for a while because Avery isn't ready to go home since...that's where all the baby stuff is..." I explained looking to Harry.

"That's fine, it will be good for her to not be alone. Maria is a stay at home mom, she'll help Avery through this." Harry reminded.

"It should be me. I should be there for her...And I can't. Anderson, I have missed so Gods damn much already in the last four years-five in October actually. And now this...She's in so much pain, and I can't even be there for her...She needed me when she was going through that and where the fuck was I?...This is why...I had broken up with her...because she doesn't deserve this. She deserves someone who can be there for her...and I can't be." I lowered my head.

"You know she doesn't care about that, Hayden..." Heather said softly.

"She should," I stopped when I heard my phone vibrate and I looked to see it was Maria calling. I pressed the button and pressed it to my ear, "How is she..."

"She's...well, I'm not sure. She's in the bathroom right now, still...passing some of the tissue, the doctor said it might happen a few more days...How are you, Hayden?" Maria replied to me.

"I really...don't have an answer to that right now. Can I talk to her?" I asked.

"I'll try dear, hang on..." I heard movement and then a knock as Maria asked if Avery wanted to talk to me, the door opened and I heard her crying-it broke my heart more than it already was.

"Avery?..." I asked.

"Hi..." she replied while in tears, "Are you...okay?"

"Don't...worry about me. I'm worried about you...Are you okay?" I asked her.

"No, I'm not...We just...lost our baby, Hayden...I'm still in pain, and bleeding and I just...don't know what to do, I feel so empty inside and I want this feeling to go away..." she whimpered out.

"I know...I know and...if I could be there, I would...It...will be okay babe." I tried, though I wasn't too sure of it myself anymore.

"I didn't...do anything wrong. The doctors said I didn't...do anything wrong..." Avery cried harder as I just closed my eyes trying not to cry again, I blinked away the forming tears and stared up at the barrack ceiling.

"You didn't...you didn't do anything wrong babe. You...heard the doctor, it wasn't anyone's fault. It just...happens." I said softly to her as Anderson rubbed my back.

"But I carried the baby, it was...my job to protect it...and I...I didn't...I had to...of done something...wrong..." Avery whimpered out more.

"No. Avery no, you didn't do anything wrong. You did...everything you were supposed to...You...took the prenatals every day-even with how sick they made you, you went to your appointments, you didn't carry over five pounds...You didn't do anything wrong babe...It just happens, I know...it's not fair and if I could go back and fix it...I would but I just...don't have that kind of power...What can I do...please tell me what I can do to make this easier for you?" I asked her, I hated she was blaming herself now. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine...I should have been there for her.

"Tell me we can...have another baby, tell me we'll still be able to have a family...Tell me anything to assure me...I'll never have to feel this way again..." Avery cried to me.

"We can and we will, one day. I promise, Avery...I promise one day we can have another baby: we'll get married, we'll have another baby, we'll start a family all our own with kids who will look just like you." I told her, I would one day but not anytime soon. Not after this...

"Swear it on your life..." Avery asked.

"I swear it on my life, Avery...One day, we'll get married, have more babies than we can handle, and have an amazing family until the day we both die of old age, holding hands in our bed together. I promise that to you." I told her with as much confidence as I could muster.

"Okay...as...long as I know that then...I'll be okay." I heard her say.

"And as long as you're okay, then...so will I. I love you, Sky Eyes..." I tell her gently.

"I love you too, Hiccup..." Avery said with something like a smile in her voice now. The phone was given back to Maria as I overheard Avery say something about going to lay down for a while because she was really tired.

"Are you going to be okay? You're not by yourself, are you?" Maria asked.

"I'm not...by myself. I've got the squadron, and Harry here with me...I worry about her, I'll be okay..." I informed her.

"Good, Avery is welcome to stay with me as long as she likes." Maria said lightly.

"Thank you, I appreciate you you opening your home to her right now. Her parents...said they'll put all the baby things away over the course of the next few days..." I sighed lightly, I would have to do the same with the sonogram picture and onsie. Wouldn't be easy either.

"Of course, Hayden...If there's anything Harry and I can do for you as well, let us know..." Maria said to me.

"I will, right now...I think I just need time, like Avery...It's been a long day, I'm gonna hit the sack, thank you, Maria for helping Avery and taking her earlier...I would of if...I'd known. My phone is on all the time, I'm not putting it on silent anymore...if she needs me, tell her to call me." I stated.

"I'll let her know. Sleep well." Maria says, I hung up after that and put the phone down and took a deep breath. I looked back down at the onsie and picture as Harry went to take them from me.

"Why don't you let me hold on to these for now? Until the next time comes around, looking at it now is only going to hurt you more..." Harry offered, I hesitated letting it go but did after a minute as he tucked it away. "I know it might not want to hear it my friend but I feel that maybe this was just a sign that it wasn't time to happen. But it will be eventually, take it as a second chance that now you can wait until you're both ready."

I nodded to him, I knew he was right but it still hurt knowing how much we put into the situation only for it to be over in a month due to circumstances beyond our control. "Yeah...Thanks, Harry..."

"You're welcome, now...Are you going to be okay?" I nodded to him, "Good...if you need me, you come find me or send one of the squad, alright? Go take a hot shower and relax in bed, get some sleep. You'll feel better tomorrow, it'll take some time but you and Avery will both be okay in time." Harry smiled as he hugged me then jumped down from the bed, he headed out of the barrack and I took another breath getting down as well, I grabbed a towel and my sleepwear before heading to the bathroom to shower.

/End Flashback/

Three months since that day, and Harry was right: I did feel a lot better but it still hurt, Avery was doing better though so that was okay with me, made things easier for me to know she was okay. She was back in college, Camille kept her distracted and Avery had gone back to her parent's house after about three weeks from the miscarriage. Everyone back home was doing better, I was okay but not great. Ethan and Dylan passed their dragon rider exams, both could fly now but not without reason except for daily exercise and minor training to keep them sharpened with their skills, both soldier and dragon. It was hard to get over losing the baby when it kept getting brought up and all the squadron asking if I was okay that day, also having to inform the officers about everything too. I had to explain it all, show doctors notes confirming the miscarriage and more. Oh that had been the worst week of my life to go through all that.

Now in November, two months later: the words possible deployment were getting thrown around a lot lately at the base, I'd asked Anderson about it but he said nothing was confirmed yet only that it was a slight possibility of being re-deployed to Iraq. That's all I needed to happen, get deployed while still recovering from the first tour in that place when I lost Ritka, Lennox, Matthews, and those deaths caused Tarelto to give his own life by suicide. Iraq was the reason I'd lost all of them and I didn't think I was ready for something like that again, not right now. Currently it was about 4pm while the squadron and I were sitting in the barracks when Anderson came in looking...miserable for lack of a better word. I immediately jumped down from my bed and stood before him, he didn't have to say it: I already knew by the look in his eyes. "How long?"

"One week. Go home, visit your families. Report back here on Tuesday at 0600 for debriefing, we leave at 0800." Harry informed me. Just what I'd been afraid of, returning to Iraq.

"Orders understood, Major Anderson." I saluted him. He left as I faced the rest of Alpha Fire now, the original group knew what it meant, we'd been to Iraq before. The newer members hadn't been there yet.

"Wait...what's going on?" Dylan asked curiously.

"Deployment to Iraq in one week. You heard Anderson, go home to spend time with your families and report back on Tuesday by 0600." I stated firmly. This was going to kill Avery and Camille to know I was going back there again, to a place that was worse than Afghanistan. I began packing my backpack to go home for the week, at least I was being given more than five minutes to say goodbye.

"But...that place is horrible..." Heather reminded.

"Oh I know...Been there once already. You've been given your orders..." I remarked still packing. Just some shirts, boxers, and pants. I'd grab the rest when I returned for the deployment. After the bag was packed, I laid down in bed with my arms behind my head, so we were going back again? I guess I just had to suck it up and deal with it, what else could I do? Run away? Although very possible with Toothless, it meant I'd have to break contact with everyone and I couldn't do that. Last time I did that with Avery she went looking for me and she found me too. In Afghanistan: this wasn't a chance I was willing to take again. The last one made me go almost nuts and end a war, I didn't want to do that again. Finally, I managed to fall asleep while the others were talking among themselves.

-End Hayden's POV-

When the next morning came, Hayden set out on Toothless to get back to Berk early. He'd already told the others he was coming so they took the day off to hang out and were meeting at Gobber's place for lunch. Hayden was planning on telling them right away, even his father-who he really still didn't want to see because of him bringing up Hayden's dead friends. Hayden was last to arrive, he'd arrived early but stayed hidden to think about how to word it. It wouldn't be easy but he felt it wouldn't be fair to tell them last minute like the first time. Hayden took a deep breath when he saw Ethan, Heather, Theo, Jasmine, and Dylan arrive on their dragons then he made his way towards the group. Right away, Avery and Camille noticed his facial expression, "Hayden...what's wrong? You don't look happy to be home for a week," Camille asked.

"I'm only home five days, then we all return to Fort Dreki for...deployment." he finished.

"But...you said the war...was over?" Seth stated.

"The one in Afghanistan is..." Ethan mumbled.

"That means you're...going back to Iraq..." Avery whispered in fear as Hayden only nodded. "No...Hayden no, not that awful place again!" And here came the tears, something Hayden expected.

"I don't have a choice and you know that, Avery. I'm not happy about it either but it's my job and as long as there is a war to be fought, then it is a war I will fight. We leave on Tuesday at 8am from Fort Dreki." Hayden remarked a little colder than he meant too but he was getting a little irritated with the fact that everything he went on deployment this happened with his family and friends getting upset over it, he'd been in the military five years as of last month and done three tours already: it really shouldn't come off as a surprise when he gets called back again.

"And...no idea when you return?" Rachel asked.

"You know we never do. We're there as long as we're needed to be. Anderson and the others from Fury Fighters Division have been thowin around possible deployment for two months, I knew it was coming: just didn't think it'd be this soon. The situations there have gotten way out of hand, you know I can't give you much more than that." Hayden said.

"We understand, it's just...not fair. There were...a lot of lives lost on that tour, Hayden..." Camille reminded him, not that he needed it and everyone knew how sensitive he was to the subject.

"And many more have been lost since we left. An entire Company was almost wiped out and I don't need to remind you that a Company holds one hundred to one hundred and fifty soldiers. One Company went in-they were ambushed, only fifteen made it out alive. Seven wounded but alive," Hayden closed his eyes.

"And you're going in to replace them?" Felix asked.

"Alpha Fire and the old Nightwave squadron-who are stationed on Murderous at Fort Killinton. The rest are coming from Berserk and Outcast I believe, a squadron from each. The four squads will make up the replacement Company..." Hayden nodded.

"And you, Major Haddock just became the Nightstrike Company leader." Came Anderson's voice, Hayden faced him now.

"Excuse me?" Hayden stated quickly.

"You're a Major now, Hayden. The rank that can command a Company. Alpha Fire, Nightwave, Streamglider, and Insanity squadrons are making up the Nightstrike Company which you are the new CO of. And I'm taking over as the leader of the Inferno Battalion." Harry smiled to him. Hayden's eyes dropped to Anderson's formal dress tag: Lieutenant Colonel Anderson.

"Hold the fuck on, you got promoted to Lieutenant Colonel!" Hayden exclaimed.

"Yep! You'll be next, you watch. Have ya noticed our ranks always follow one another?" Anderson chuckled.

"Pfft, to make that rank I'd have probably get shot or stabbed saving someone, again...I'm good with being Major, it was the rank my mom was before she died. I really don't need another promotion..." Hayden shrugged.

"Oh hush, you've earned every rank and medal you have." Anderson smacked him on the back, Hayden only sighed shaking his head-he still didn't feel that way.

"I still lead Strike One?" Hayden asked.

"Of course you do and Alpha Fire too, you've been their leader since Afghanistan, Hayden. They wouldn't have it any other way. You do have your own office now, like I do. It's positioned right in between the four barracks that will house your Company. Your get barracks...D through G I believe. And all have spots for your dragons right along the sides. Lt. General Evans knew you wouldn't to be split of from them." Anderson informed.

"I guess I'll deal with it. I won't be separated from my team again, not like last time..." Hayden sighed, Anderson put a hand on his shoulder. "Why isn't Major Huntington commanding the Company again?"

"He's gone, Haddock...He died about a month ago in RPG explosion, he got twenty-five soldiers out before the building just fell to pieces, trapping him inside. The fire was to heavy and they couldn't recover his body. It's not just Alpha Fire anymore, Hayden...You're commanding one hundred men now, all of which are separated according to their home island, twenty-five to a barrack, and Lt. General even got them set up into their units too. You'll get the list when we arrive." Harry told him. Hayden closed his eyes as he backed away from Harry's hand.

"You don't get it, do you? I couldn't even command a squadron without someone getting killed...and now they want me to command an entire Company by myself? You said it yourself. I'm not invincible, Anderson. I can't watch everyone, more people is more to watch and I just can't do that. I'm only twenty-one years old...and I swear to Thor if anymore deaths happen on my watch or command...I really just don't know what I'll do." Hayden mounted Toothless and took off. He didn't care about lunch anymore, he didn't want the responsibility of commanding one hundred soldiers. Hayden just flew, he didn't care where, he just wanted to fly and think about this. If going back to Iraq wasn't bad enough, now he was in charge of an entire Company? He didn't need this kind of stress right now, he didn't want this and what made him feel worse-he knew he didn't have a choice in the matter so what more could he do than just accept it and pray to Odin everything worked out.