Unintentional Hero
Author: Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions
Rated: M for a variety of things that will happen
Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid
Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD
49; Called Back
None of them had really expected Hayden to get that upset and take off when he was the one who told them to meet up for lunch at Gobber's diner. Of course, Avery and Camille weren't thrilled about him going back to Iraq but they knew he wasn't going to stop because it was his duty. They all just stood there looking at the place where Hayden was once standing and Anderson honestly felt bad: he hadn't meant to upset Hayden with what he said but he'd just received those orders himself and was told to tell him before arriving so it wouldn't take him by surprise. The officers at the Doragon base in Iraq all remembered the state Hayden was in before he left the first time: he had been a mess because of Lennox's dying in his arms, then before that, the deaths of Ritka and Matthews. And thus far, they'd heard about Tarelto killing himself but Anderson assured them that Hayden was in a better mindset but now he was questioning himself if that was actually true.
Gobber came out now and noticed Hayden wasn't there anymore: he had originally seen him from the window but now he was gone. "Where'd he go?" Gobber asked.
"He didn't take well to me tellin' him he is taking charge of a Company when we get deployed next week," Anderson sighed now. "I'll get him back."
Gobber put his hand on Anderson's shoulder, "I got this one," the older man smiled.
"You sure? I normally just hunt him down-though I have a good idea where he went," Anderson stated.
"He went to the cemetery. Don't worry, I'll get the lad back," he said as he pulled out his phone and dialed Hayden's number, "Hayden..." Gobber started as he put it on speaker phone now.
"Sorry, Gobber, looks like I'm not joining for lunch. Just let the others get what they want, put it on my tab," Hayden stated.
"Neva yew mind, laddie. Yew get ur ass back here right now and let me hug you before you leave again," Gobber informed.
"I'll see you before the five days is up..." Hayden said.
"Well I want to see ya now so come back. Don't make me come hunt ya down, I know where ya are. Same place you always go when you want to be alone to think. I know what's goin on, ya got everyone worried bout ya. So come on, I know with that dragon of yers it won't take long," Gobber sighed, "Please lad?"
"Really not in the mood right now..."
"I know ya aren't. But humor me and come back, haven't seen ya in months and I miss my godson and nephew," Gobber said lightly.
"Fine. I'll be back in five," Hayden sighed out then the call disconnected.
"He'll neva turn ole Gobber down," the old man chuckled, slipping his phone into his pocket. Sure enough, five minutes later, Toothless landed and Hayden got off slowly as he stood with his arms over his chest. Gobber walked over to him and hugged him tightly and finally after a minute, Hayden gave in and hugged him back-they held it for a while as the others just watched in silence. When the two split, Gobber put his hands on Hayden's shoulders and smiled, "It's gonna be alright, lad."
"I really wish I could believe that..." Hayden closed his eyes.
"Look at me...I served twenty years, Hayden and I've seen my fair share. I know it's hard. I was a Colonel, I led everything from Squadrons to Brigades and I lost a lot of people. Some I might have been able to save if it didn't mean risking others and some that were so far out of my control that I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. But I tell ya this...You can't protect them all. It's war and all soldiers know the price of fighting in. There are losses, there are victories, there are injuries, and there are deaths and no matter what you do: you can't protect them all. It's not possible, believe me...I tried," Gobber told him.
"He's right, Hayden...I told ya this before. Every time we are called to fight, we know it could be our last. Sometimes we win and everyone is okay, or we lose and some are wounded or are killed. Nothing prepares us to lose a soldier, and no matter how many times you see it, each one is hard to get through. But those soldiers, they are the ones who paid the ultimate price for what we stand up and fight for. They knew the price, and they paid it because they just knew. Every soldier on that battle field knows when their time has come and in that moment before it strikes, they close their eyes and they smile with a salute, a last act to die for what they believe in," Harry added now, agreeing with Gobber.
"No one should have to die at all..." Hayden mumbled.
"Hayden, do you remember what you said at Ritka's funeral? That we go back into war not because we have to, but because we want too?" Theo asked.
"I did say them, Theo..." Hayden closed his eyes.
"How many times have you gotten hurt? Stabbed or shot since the tours began?" Harry asked him now.
"Honestly have no idea...lost count after seven," Hayden remarked.
"How many times have you risked your life to save your men? All those times, you knew you could die, right?" Hayden nodded once, "There you go. Every mission you went on, every guard shift, anytime you were hurt and your team pinned down in enemy fire...You always had a choice to make. To condemn them all to death, or save them at the risk of yourself living or dying to get them out. Ritka did the same thing, you saved the others at the risk of your life but Ritka gave his to save yours. Lennox would have pushed anyone out of the way, but you were the target and he saved you, then you got the others out. You saved Heather when she tripped, you took an M16 bullet to the side saving Ethan. You got shot saving Matthews. You were even a POW for a whole thirty minutes when you went to get Marx. We thought you were both dead...Even with Avery, Hayden you fucked people's shit right up when she got hurt...Hell you were willing to give up your happiness for hers too, any of those times...did you care what happened to you as long as the others were safe?" Anderson asked.
"No. No I didn't, I know the risks," Hayden responded.
"And so do all of them. Enemy fight with an enemy, big or small. When staring death in the face and surrounded, one man dying can save the lives of many. You've done this, you've lived it. Willing to give your life to save your teammates, every soldier is willing to make that call. When yew go out there next week Hayden, and you're leading one hundred men, don't think about failing them. You do the best you can and remember that anyone who dies-they died fighting for peace, and they went out with honor and pride," Gobber told him. "You know you can trust me, lad, I've never steered ya wrong. It will all be okay. I promise."
"Gods, I hope you're right," Hayden sighed.
"It will. You're a tough kid, Hayden. Now why don't we all get some lunch?" Gobber chuckled. After that, Hayden's mood slowly seemed to alter back to having a good time with friends and family. Harry had to get back to his family after explaining he only came to give Hayden his orders from Lt. General Evans about him now being charge of four squadrons instead two, he wasn't happy about it though. He had trouble running two on patrols and missions, never mind four. Hayden just kept quiet though, he wouldn't complain, that wasn't what he was about. He signed up for this and although he never expected to be the rank is his in just four short years, he was a Major now and with such a title came a lot of responsibility. He just hoped the next four day went better than today did.
(Three Days Later)
The night before Hayden and the rest of Strike One with Anderson had to return to Fort Dreki for deployment at 8am. They were all grouping up at Hayden's for such and with their dragons too around 5am so they'd get there on time. Today, Hayden was relaxing with Avery at her house while her parents were working. Camille had school until 1pm, then work from 1:30 to 6pm. He would be going over for dinner, Avery going with him as always: she was rather attached to him the last four days and with good reason, they hadn't seen one another in person except for Skype but physically wise, not since the miscarriage-which right now Hayden didn't want to think about at all but being so close to Avery was making it really hard not too because she wanted to make out and fool around before Hayden left and he didn't want to take the chance of getting too lost in the lust and not stopping. He knew he didn't have any protection on him, and knew she wasn't on birth control. He wasn't doing that again, not until they were ready to have a family and with him about to be deployed tomorrow, they definitely weren't ready.
"Hayden...why won't you do anything with me? We've just been sitting here for two hours, all you do is stare at the ceiling...Normally we're making out by now..." Avery asked.
"Because I just want to be able to hold you, that's all," Hayden replied.
"Is something wrong?" she inquired softly.
"Nothing at all babe, just enjoying my time with you since you didn't have class today," Hayden responded to her.
"It's more than that...you've been in this all to calm mood for three days now and I'm worried about you," Avery pointed out adjusting herself so she was sitting on his legs and facing him now, concern showing in her blue eyes.
"I'm about to start my fourth tour in five years, Avery and I'm leading not five soldiers, not even twenty-five, I'm leading one hundred. A full Company all because of my stupid rank as major that a lot of people are mad and jealous about because I'm only twenty-one..." he sighed out closing his eyes.
"Would you do something if I asked you to?" Avery asked, Hayden's eyes opened slightly looking at her now, "Would you...make love to me?"
His eyes widened now, "We've talked about this, Avery. Neither of us are ready to do that again."
"Please? I promise I won't get...pregnant this time. I'm due for my period in like two days...my doctor and I have been regulating it. I've been getting on time since after...we lost the baby. I swear I'm not fertile right now and I want to be able to enjoy such a thing while we're not drunk. I can't even remember it, we both blacked out..." Avery argued softly.
"I know that, Avery but I just can't take the chance again. We were drunk, that...wasn't even supposed to happen and I can't allow it now when I'm about to be deployed to Iraq." Hayden answered.
"There is...no chance, Hayden...I told you, I won't get pregnant. I have it marked on the calendar when I get periods and when I'll ovulate...my doctor ran tests and everything. We've got the schedule," Avery tried, this time Hayden carefully moved her off of him and stood firmly.
"Avery you don't understand. Okay? The reason we never had sex before was because I wasn't ready, not just in the having a baby department either. I wasn't ready in any sense, the night it happened was a complete accident. I'm not saying I regret it, I'm saying I wish it had gone different. Drunken sex, something I can't remember? That's not what I wanted at all." Hayden sighed.
"But we can remember it now..." Avery insisted.
"Is that how you want our second time to go, Avery? Having sex before I'm about to be deployed again? That way you're left wanting more when I can't physically get to you? Having no protection again just because it's a moment of want? That's not how I want to remember it. I know you're becoming regular again and that's great, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to have sex again. And I don't want to do it the day before I leave, that's not something you do when you're about to be separated for Thor only knows how long. I haven't made out with you, or done any foreplay because I know where it can go and both lost in lust, having unprotected sex again is not something I want to do." Hayden told her.
"So what you're not going to touch me at all because you know we could end up having sex?" Avery asked.
"Avery, God damn it I'm not doing it again right now!" Hayden said firmer to her and with a much angrier tone than he'd meant to use. "Why can't you respect that? I'm about to be deployed, again for the fourth time in five years. Do you understand that? I do not want to have sex with you just because we're lost in the moment of getting one another off, I don't want to have sex out of lust and I don't want to do it unprotected again. The next time we have sex I want it to be planned, slow, romantic...not just...fucking like horny dragons in heat. Is that so much to ask in return after what we've already been through?! We did that once, and look where it got us for three months. Mourning the loss of a baby we couldn't save due to circumstances beyond our control? I am not ready to do any of that again, I can't! Now will you please drop it, I don't want to argue with you the day before I leave..." Hayden said firmly.
It was now that Avery understood why he kept saying he wasn't ready. It wasn't because of the sex, they'd already done that. It was her getting pregnant and losing the baby again, he still wasn't over it even five months later, and now he'd be deployed which would make it even harder. Avery didn't see anger in his eyes, she saw sadness and fear behind his green hues. Avery just got off the bed and hugged him tightly, "I'm sorry, Hayden...I didn't mean to upset you." she said lightly burying her face in his chest, he sighed heavily as he hugged her back.
"I'm sorry I got mad at you...I'm just under a lot of stress right now with this...leading the Company thing," he informed as he kissed her forehead.
"I understand babe. I won't ask again, I'll wait until we're both ready...I just wanted to be able to actually feel how amazing it'd be with you to do it when we weren't drunk..."
"I know that, I want to feel it too but not right now, Avery...not before all this is about to happen, that's not how I want to remember such a thing with you. I want to be able to take it slow, remember it, enjoy it...I do want to do it again, just not this way, I want to do it the right way babe and right before I leave isn't the right way..." Hayden said softly, Avery nodded smiling as she cupped his cheeks and kissed him lightly before returning her head against his chest to hold him. Avery knew what he said was the truth but he was also holding back on saying that he was honestly just terrified of her landing pregnant again because this time he'd be deployed and really wouldn't be able to be there for her and if she had another miscarriage, he couldn't just take off to be with her again. Hayden was afraid and that's why he wouldn't do it, Avery understood his fear and she wouldn't push him.
Later that night, they went to went to Gerald's for dinner. Camille still wasn't living with him, she refused to after what happened but Hayden was willing to at least stand in the room with him for the sake of family. Seth, as well as Hayden and Camille's aunt Melody and uncle Samuel were over as well. It was a simple dinner: baked chicken with mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn. It was mostly quiet dinner for the family, Avery understood Hayden's fear but it still upset her that he wouldn't touch her at all anymore because he was afraid they'd go to far. They had stopped themselves before, they could do it again couldn't they? In the silence of the meal, Hayden's phone rang: he reached into his pocket and checked the caller ID to see that it was Colonel Greenhalgh calling, odd. Wasn't he in Iraq right now? Oh this couldn't of been good. Hayden sighed answering it as he got up from the table and moved towards the other side of the room. "Major Haddock here."
"Hello, Major Haddock. Been awhile, hasn't it? It's Colonel Greenhalgh, leader of the Screecher Regiment," the male greeted.
"Yeah, I know. Came up on the caller ID, Colonel. What's up?" Hayden asked slowly.
"We need you back, on the double. I know you're supposed to leave tomorrow but we need you. The others can take the plane but I need you and your dragon stat...How fast can you get here?" Colonel Greenhalgh asked him. Great, so he was needed right away to the point he couldn't even fly back with his group, he sighed heavily noticing his family and Avery had eyes on him now wondering what was going on.
"Five hours, think ya can hold out that long?" Hayden asked.
"Should be able too, any battle strategies that could help us out?" he inquired. Hayden grabbed his backpack off the floor which was sitting in the kitchen and dug out one if his ACU's.
"Use the dragons, defensive formation Alpha and Strike. Zipplebacks at the front with firelines, Nadders and Razorwhips second with spineshots. Gronckles and Nightmares cover the sky with fire blasts. Mind your shot limits to, switch them out after three so they have time to recharge. That should keep them at bay," Hayden offered.
"This is why you're lead dragon rider, kid. See ya in five hours then?" Colonel Greenhalgh chuckled a bit.
"That you will, Colonel." Hayden then lowered the phone as he went to the bathroom to change, when he came out five minutes later in full gear, Camille and Avery were already in tears seeing him back on his phone. "Anderson. Won't be seein ya tomorrow morning."
"What the...Why?" Harry replied a little surprised, the others heard it because Hayden had put it on speaker while packed his bag.
"Colonel Greenhalgh from Screecher Reg just called me in, I leave now. The rest of you are still taking the plane tomorrow morning, I'm taking Toothless so I'll see ya there."
"You be safe flying in, Hayden...That place is Hell right now." Harry said slowly.
"Survived Hell three times now, I think I can handle it again. Besides, Afghanistan was Hell, Anderson. You haven't been to Iraq yet. There we call it Utter Hell." Hayden chuckled slightly.
"Oh that just instills me with confidence, Haddock."
"You'll be fine, Anderson, I got your back, bro. See ya tomorrow night, my friend," Hayden remarked then hung up as he got his backpack on then grabbed his gun and set it up, loading it the putting the safety on as he placed the strap around himself and prepared to leave the house.
"You're just going to leave?" Gerald asked.
"Don't have much choice, Iraq is a seven hour plane ride that I'm about to do in five on Toothless." Hayden stated as he stepped outside and whistled for Toothless who came over. Hayden saw Camille and Avery crying softly. He kissed Camille's forehead-then placed a soft kiss on Avery's lips before he hugged them both. "See ya next leave I get and I'll call when I can." Hayden stepped back and got on Toothless's back. "Alright bud, let's go fight another one. Top speed pal, show 'em why you're Alpha." Hayden patted his friend's neck, just as he was about to take off the others arrived.
"Hey, where the hell you goin?" Theo asked him.
"Called in early. You five and Anderson are still taking the plane tomorrow," Hayden informed them calmly.
"Wait, we got our stuff, we'll fly with you," Heather said.
"No. I was called to come back early, you were ordered to take the plane. Besides, none of you can keep up with Toothless and I. We're doing this in five hours at top speed and as you may remember...the speed of a Night Fury can break the sound barrier...I'm going myself, you just stay here and I'll see ya tomorrow night at the barrack if I'm not dead center the middle of an attack. Gotta go." Hayden offered a salute as Toothless roared and took off heading in the direction of Iraq, South East.
"And there he goes...Always ready for combat when he's called," Theo chuckled a bit.
"He's a soldier, we are all always ready when called," Anderson stated landing with his Nightmare.
"I just hope he'll be okay," Melody stated.
"He will: Haddock is always alright. He's proven that more than once," Anderson smiled, "He's too stubborn to let anything hold him back, hold him down, or stop him for very long."
"Amen to that, Lieutenant Colonel..." Theo nodded in agreement as Toothless and Hayden were gone from sight not long after. The others finished dinner as Anderson and the Strike One-minus Hayden, mounted their dragons and headed back to Fort Dreki early so they'd be ready for take off in the morning. Avery went home and cried lightly on her bed: she already missed him and it hadn't even been an hour since he left. How was she going to handle him being so far away and in a heavy war zone for the second time in five years? Avery looked out the window to the direction Hayden had flown off in.
'Be safe, please be safe, Hayden...I love you,' Avery thought before laying down and letting sleep take her.
