Chapter 18

Late afternoon.

_Feeling remorse?

Hange jumped on her seat giving a squeak and turning fast to look at Alastor, who stood on the door of her office with his usual empty expression. The woman stared at him briefly before remembering his words and narrowing her eyes.

_Remorse you say? -she asked in a curious voice- Why do you think that?

_Sonny and Bean.

Zoe's lips twitched into a grimace at the names and she placed her elbow on her desk, resting her face on her hand and sighing.

_For someone who doesn't feel you're awfully sharp at guessing people's mood. -she said flatly- Yes, i feel... guilty, you could say.

Alastor eyebrow rose slightly at the word, wondering what remorse would feel like before settling for leaning on the doorframe and glancing around the room: Hange's was a lot like her, messy and chaotic yet focused. He saw notepads, small books and piles of papers filled with her hurried writing about her studies and discoveries on titans.

_Is it for killing them? he finally asked- Or for everything else?

The woman snorted weakly, without joy, and rubbed her eyes as she sprawled on her chair looking tired, even depressed. By Smith's orders, both titans had been put down, although now Bane suspected it had more to do with the fact they wouldn't learn much more from them than anything else.

_They were humans, Alastor. -she said sadly- I can't help but to think of all the things i did to them.

_Things they didn't seem to feel. -he pointed, and quickly added- And my theory could be wrong after all.

_I know that's not what you really think. -she answered and shrugged- But thanks. Anyways, what brings you here?

_I wanted to ask you if you'd lend me some of investigation data to read in hopes of finding something else from your notes on the subject, if you don't mind.

_Oh, of course. -she replied a bit more animated- Let's see over here...

Bane helped her as she ruffled among the countless notes and papers gathering anything she thought could help him, which amounted to pretty much everything while he glanced at them searching for any repeated phrases so he could discard those in a slowly growing pile; it seemed she tended to begin a subject, forget it and begin anew.

_Where do you have your notes on Sonny and Bean? -he asked watching her carefully.

Alastor took note of the way her shoulders sagged momentarily before she pointed to a corner of the room. The papers were a bit cramped, as if someone had thrown them away and then recovered from the trash bin; looking at the dates written, he noticed the ink on the last ones was a bit marred, so he'd study those more thoroughfully. He eyed the woman, still searching on the opposite side of her research room, and walked up to her to place a hand on her shoulder.

In the few seconds Hange remained still, he felt it: a wave of dejection, of crushing loneliness. It wasn't like the isolation he was used to, it didn't gave a sense of calm and peace but depression and abandonment. It was utterly destructive and negative.

It was sadness.

Yet unlike with Eren he was waiting for it and focused on controlling the otherwise overwhelming sensation, forcing it into a corner of his mind like the pain from a lesser injury. He cut the link as soon as she moved but it remained there and he felt it trapped like water behind a dam, although gradually fading.

_Sorry. -she mumbled lifting her glasses and rubbing her eyes- It must seem foolish to you but..

_It doesn't. -he said suddenly- I find you dedication to this inspiring. My theory must have been a hard blow to you, almost personal. I think i should be the one apologizing.

_No no no! -she anwered waving her hand- You gave us a new view on titans, thinking of things we never considered. You saw it from another perspective.

He remained still for a moment before reaching inside his pocket and bringing out a silver coin with the goddess effigy.

_It's thanks to this.

_A coin? -she asked curiously

Bane tossed it and Hange caught it mid air, but when she looked it wasn't silver anymore: instead it showed the corroded crown in a crass brownish colour on the other side.

_A fake coin. -she mumbled- But how...?

_One of the kids used it to prank others into believing they'd found real money. I bought it from him after he did the same to me.

_Why?

_Because that little coin showed me something simple yet vital about life: there's always a different view from what you see, another side of the coin that might not be as bright as the one your eyes gaze upon. It's something i do with everything i deem worthy of studying: at Trost, when everyone saw Eren as a monster i saw a weapon and a tool; at the trial, when they saw him as a savior or a devil, i saw him as a mean to resist against the other shifters's effort by using him as a potential lure or wild card. And now, while everyone saw titans as monsters, i decided to try and see them from other perspective, something fresh and new... i decided to see them not as killers, but as victims.

_Victims?

_Of their inability to return to human form. -he said- Remember what Eren said at our meeting, he seemed to be in the goddamn limbo but unlike other titans he can get out of it with help. Now try to imagine what the existence of other titans must feel like.

_I don't think i want to. -she said shaking her head- Anyways, let's have a look over there, shall we?

He nodded and both began searching on the completely covered desk she had; at some point Hange leaned over the messy lots of papers to try and reach for a file she thought could be useful, resting her weight on a small mountain of documents. Suddenly the pile slipped under her and Zoe fell to a side flailing frantically and by chance gripping tight on Bane's jacket, dragging him along and forcing the young man to bend down as she landed clumsily on the floor, sheets spilling on the floor and her lap.

_Ow, that hurt! -she said letting go of his clothes- Sorry about that Alastor, i... what's that?

She looked at a small notepad lying open nearby and he felt a chill running down his spine, his hand moving as fast as a bullet to snatch it before the curious woman had any chance of reading, or at least reading too much: it was his journal, dropped by his movement and landing open at the worst possible page, the one where he began writing about Eren. Holding his notes tight he put it back on his jacket's inner pocket before eyeing the surprised scout.

_These are my own personal notes. -he said calmly- About various topics, as far back as the beginning of my training. And they're private.

_Oh i see. -Hange answered with a smile- Good thing i didn't manage to read it since you were so fast! But i wonder... what goes through this fascinating mind of yours?

He shrugged and began picking the papers on the floor.

_My thoughts, as trivial as they may be, are none of your concern Squad Leader. -he cleared with a slightly harsher tone- I hope it doesn't offend you, but i appreciate my privacy and hope to decide to whom i reveal my secrets.

_All righty then, but i won't stop until we have a good conversation one of these days! -the woman said booping him on the nose- You certainly made me feel more enthusiast with your little coin's story.

_If that's so, i wish you keep it. -he answered placing the fake money on the desk- It served its purpose with me, and i now hope it will remind you of that valuable lesson. Now let's go back to our task, please.

With a happy noise Zoe picked the coin up and shoved it in her pocket while Bane began searching on a different zone, scanning through journals, books, notepads and the like she had in good numbers: soon he had three neatly tied lots he took with him after assuring her it would be enough for now and headed back to his room. It didn't show but he couldn't help a small frown of annoyance appearing on his features momentarily as he walked: Hange had read something, he was sure of it, and it could mean trouble. He had to make sure they wouldn't suspect of his intentions or could judge him too dangerous to be allowed to approach any of the shifters. Looking through the windows as he moved he saw it was almost nighttime, which meant he wasn't to expect any calls until tomorrow morning.

The next day bgan with Alastor heading to the nearby forest to part in an excercise with his assigned team: two veterans, Aiden Sorell and Diana Larken, a soldier with a couple expeditions on his record named Joshua Erst and their new member: Victoria Izan, a newbie he remembered as a cadet at Trost among the first ones to join his call to fight towards had been decided early that day Izan would be in Bane's team replacing an older recruit, and Smith had ordered Bane to have her working along the four of them so she would get used to working with the group quicker. He was somehow pleased with the results, since the more experienced duo helped guiding the rookie while he worked with Joshua given his higher level of skill required less mentoring. Bane moved carefully as they practiced maneuvers around giant dummies, from circling around to attacking the most vital spots aside from the nape, like the eyes or its knee joints.

_Blinding is the safest way to reach an easy kill with most titans. -Sorell explained Victoria before they began- Once they lose sight they rely on their hearing, and have a slow time reacting once a member of the team has caught their attention. The legs work too but are more dangerous in that you need to get awfully closer to the ground at times and risk a rough landing not to mention they'll still be able to use their hands.

_And why don't you just blind them all? -she asked.

_The abnormal ones have erratic behaviours. -the man told her shaking his head- Sometimes blinding them makes the damn things start thrashing or jumping impredictably, leading to an increase of danger instead of the opposite; that's why we try to avoid them and have special flares to indicate their sightings.

The group began their practice on basic maneuvers, circling around the targets on the zone until suddenly Bane shouted at the others to slow down and began descending to the ground with difficulty, his gear making slight noises as he moved until he landed roughly but without injuring himself.

_What's wrong? -Joshua asked from his position up on a tree.

_Something happens with my gear. -the younger explained- I can't...

He tried to use his 3DMG to climb up the tree, but then the left side's grappling hook shooter made a screeching noise and the cable launched weakly; when Bane attempted to make the wire slide back inside the gear the screech became louder and didn't work at all. While the rest looked at him he proceeded to take off and examine his equipment before holding the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

_I fucking forgot to made maintenance on it. -he said after a few seconds- It totally slipped my mind since the last time i did it due to my work with Hange and Jaeger being priority.

_I can give you mine. -Aiden offered but Alastor shook his head.

_No. I'll go back to HQ and repair it myself, it shouldn't take long. -he answered walking towards the horses- You keep working basic tactics with Victoria until i'm back and we can begin with simple full team maneuvers.

Once he reached the Legion's quarters he headed straight for his room where he kept his repairs kit, but when he reached the place he stopped for a moment then placed his ear on the door and listened a few seconds until he heard it.

There were people in his room, whispering loud enough for him to notice but not to understand or identify them. Bane didn't bother with subtetly: he slammed the door open, and was greeted by two shrieks as Hange and Mina jumped at his entrance. When they turned around he noticed Zoe holding something in her hands: a worn, leather covered notebook.

Carolina couldn't help gulping when Alastor slowly closed the door, staring at both women; the girl was used to his empty look, but this time it wasn't like that at all: it was gelid and harsh. . Neither of them had ever seen such expression from him and Mina was sure this one was real, probably Bane's particular way to show anger specially when he spoke with a tone more akin to a jailor interrogating a prisoner than a fellow scout.

_Squad Leader Zoe. Recruit Carolina. -he said with apparent calm as he approached them- I think we must have a chat.

End of Chapter.