Unintentional Hero
Author: Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions
Rated: M for a variety of things that will happen
Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid
Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD
64; Prisoner Of Mind
Christmas had come and gone now, much better than the one the year before when Hayden had all of them in Iraq with him-that whole thing still had him on edge, it was a crazy day for him. The mission, finding out his family was there, then becoming a POW, saving his mom, getting back, getting shot and stabbed, then arguing with his father before having Anderson send them all home. This Christmas had been peaceful and calm, happy too. Although Hayden put on a brave front for it all, the Christmas before this one had been the last one he'd ever spent with Anderson: this was something he didn't have an easy time with. Hayden of course went over to see Maria and the kids, he couldn't not see them for their first Christmas without him. With that holiday now over, it was moving into January and Theo's wedding was tomorrow. Hayden was happy for him and that night Theo being forced to stay on Hayden's side of the duplex. The girls stayed on Olivia and Theo's side, everyone else would come tomorrow.
"I can't believe I've getting married tomorrow man..." Theo sighed out as he and Hayden with the other guys were relaxing in the living room with a beer in all their hands.
"Believe it bro," Ethan chuckled sipping from his beer.
"And shit, you're next, Hayden." Dylan added.
"I know, counting it down myself. Only four month left..." Hayden relax on the couch with his eyes closed and beer in his lap. Everyone was looking around the room, they could see Hayden had pictures up everywhere from family to friends. Ones with his family after his mother was returned home, some with Avery, the rest with army buds.
"You two have everything planned for yours?" Seth asked curiously.
"Just about, working on songs for dances and what not. Can't find something to use for me and her, nothing I've listened to or found fits," he replied calmly.
"Why don't you write her something, you were always good at that back in school. Coming up with lyrics and what not?" Felix offered.
"I suppose I could but then I'd have to sing it, make the music, record it..." Hayden listed off slowly.
"So what, she'd love it," Theo smiled, "Oh speaking of..."
"Oh no you don't, Theo...Ain't doing it, no way, no how." Hayden said quickly.
"PLEASE!?" Theo pleaded.
"What's going on?" Ethan asked now as none of them understood what's Hayden and Theo were talking about.
"Ugh, he wants me to sing his and Olivia's wedding song when they dance to it. I've told him no about a hundred times and the fucker doesn't give up..." Hayden sighed.
"Come on, Hayden!" Theo asked again.
"No. I hate singing in front of people and I have to be in mood to do it at all. I already have to give a speech and make sure nothing goes wrong tomorrow...Not adding singer to it too..." Hayden mumbled as he finished his beer and got up from the couch to toss the empty one.
"Fine...And don't you put nothing embarrassing in that speech, Haddock..." Theo warned him.
"Chill, already wrote it and it will be fine. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed...Try not to stay up late." Hayden said moving towards his room.
"Wait it's only like 11pm, why bed so early?" TJ asked.
"Because I've had four beers, and I'm tired. You aren't the ones who have to make sure an entire wedding runs smoothly tomorrow." Hayden said as he opened his door and then closed it once he was inside.
"Anyone else get the distinct feeling he's hiding somethin?" Theo asked curiously. They all put their hands up in response to the question as Theo frowned a bit, worried for his friend. They knew Hayden had to be hurting with Anderson gone, they knew he said he was handling it better than he thought but even this just seemed like too well.
(4:30am)
Hayden was tossing and turning in his bed, breathing heavily and with beads of sweat forming on his face. Another nightmare he was trapped inside of.
-Hayden's Nightmare-
"It's your fault Harry's wife and kids don't have him anymore. You got distracted for a split second on the battlefield, Hayden...Harry jumped in front of you so you wouldn't die, and you didn't pay attention again when the grenade was announced to be coming in...he died to save you. It's your fault...all your fault...Murderer." the voice said coldly as Hayden was on his knees crying and holding Anderson's body in his arms as the man slipped into death slowly with that calm smile on his face.
"So long little brother..." then before Hayden was an explosion and Anderson was gone from his arms.
"Anderson!" Hayden called out but no answer, "HARRY!" he began to run around in the darkness panting and crying.
"Tell Maria I love her, and my kids too...take care of them for me," Harry's voice whispered around him.
"No...don't leave me, please! Please! I can't lose...you too...come back...please come back, Harry...I can't do this by myself, I need you..." Hayden tripped while running as he just cried there, pleading for Anderson to return to him.
"Why didn't you help me, Hayden?..." came another voice as Hayden looked around and saw Ritka trapped beneath the rubble again. "You could have called for back up, or stayed and kept firing with me..."
"I-I tried, you...told me to leave you behind! I didn't want to!" Hayden cried harder.
"You didn't try, you just left me to die...you killed me, Murderer," Ritka said coldly. Looking around, Hayden saw all of his fallen friends around him, them staring down at him.
"You could have gotten to me, I was only shot in the leg...you let the others stop you from saving me...you let me die there while you got away again. I died because you wouldn't save me...friend killer," Matthews remarked.
"N-No that's not...true! I tried, I couldn't...get away from them. I wanted to get to you, Eli!" Hayden said reaching for him.
"You weren't paying attention after the attack...I got shot saving you. I should of let you die and maybe my girl and son would have me right now...Thanks, 'friend' for leaving my family without me..." Lennox scoffed coldly.
"Please...that isn't...what happened! You pushed me...out of the way after you...told me to look out, I wouldn't of taken the bullet if you hadn't pushed me!...I didn't...even know you had a girlfriend or child on the way, I tried to save you, Theo and I both did..." Hayden sobbed hard.
"You let me die too...you were right there, you could of gotten the gun away if you hadn't frozen in fear...I heard you call to me, I didn't care...I killed myself...because of you, Hayden...you let all my friends die, and I wanted to die too...You're no hero, you're a coward...you get to live when we had to die? How's that fair, come on Hayden...join us...die with us, and we can all hang out...like old times..." Tarelto told him.
"Yeah, come on little brother...it's so much better when you have nothing to worry about anymore...join us, die like the rest of us," Hayden heard Anderson tell him, Hayden felt the area around him getting hotter, like he was burning alive and suffocating. He gripped his throat unable to breathe, sweating and panting while he saw his friends raise their guns to him as he just cried and waited for death as he heard all the guns be prepared to fire.
"I'm...sorry. Kill me...like I killed all of you, I don't...deserve to live," Hayden choked out closing his eyes.
"HAYDEN!" The sound of gunfire and there was nothing anymore.
-Ends Hayden's Nightmare-
"HAYDEN!" he heard shouted at him as his eyes snapped open narrowing instantly, he sat up quickly-pulling his hand gun from under his pillow and pulled back the chamber to load it-he aimed it directly in front of him while breathing heavily. Theo moved the others back quickly.
"WOAH! For fucks sake, Hayden it's us!" Theo said as he backed up last, they could see that he looked like he had no idea where he was, "Hey, come on. Snap out of it, Haddock," Theo snapped his fingers in front of him a few times to get him to focus as Hayden shook his head a few times and blinked seeing them all there-not just the guys either, the girls too. All of them looking at him with fear and worry, now his eyes fell on his gun and his eyes widened-realizing who he had his gun pointed at, Theo now carefully put a hand out and lowered the gun down, holding the barrel, "It's okay...just give me...the gun, it's alright." Theo said slowly, Hayden let it go as Theo handed it to Dylan who put it on the top of the dresser, "You alright man?"
"I"m fine, why the hell are all of you in my room..." Hayden retorted to them.
"We heard you yell out for Anderson, came in and saw you thrashing around...We couldn't snap you out of, the girls got worried when they heard you yell so they came over too," Theo told him calmly.
"Why the hell did you pull your gun? Why the fuck do you sleep with it under your pillow, is it fucking loaded? Thor almighty, Hayden" Ethan exclaimed.
"I'm sorry okay, you scared the hell out of me." Hayden stated as he turned on his nightstand lamp and getting out of bed, "And do you Theo, remember that time when we all had to camp out in one of the buildings for the night after we'd cleared it. It was like...five months into the first tour. When we woke up up we were surrounded by five enemies-but Anderson pulled his gun from under his pillow and got us out safely..." Theo nodded to him, "Comes from that...he always told me to sleep ready for anything. It's just force of habit, can ya blame a guy for waking up in the middle of the night, in the dark with a bunch of people around him?"
"Eh, won't knock it...I sleep with my knife in the nightstand drawer but still...scared the shit out of me. You sure you're okay? Looked like a pretty intense nightmare..." Theo asked him, "I mean we all get them but...you looked...trapped in yours,"
"I'm good, really..." Hayden said as he took the gun off the dresser, let the clip fall into his hand, pressed the trigger so it wouldn't be loaded to fire and reset it before slipping the clip back in, then flipping the safety back on and putting it back under his pillow and then looked at the clock, "It's like 5am..." he mumbled.
"Yeah, we been in here for about fifteen minutes trying to wake you up," Jasmine told him, he sighed as he grabbed his jogging gear from the top drawer, then pulled his sneakers off the rack.
"Well I'm up now..." Hayden said moving past them into the bathroom to change, then came out dressed in his gray sweatsuit.
"Why don't I change too, I'll come with you..." Theo offered him.
"Nonsense...it's your wedding day, not gonna drag you out to go running with me. Seriously, I'm good...I'll be back in an hour." Hayden got his phone and headphones before getting his keys then heading out the door in a jog down the street as he left them all there in shock and worry.
"Does...anyone want to talk about the fact that Hayden just pulled a gun on us for waking him up?..." Seth asked.
"He didn't mean to, Seth. Its the war mindset, we've been in situations where we've woken up up by ambush or attack-it's the reaction to defend yourself. To be fair, we should of turned the light on instead of using the hall light. He did mention he didn't know it was us right away..." Theo explained calmly.
"But he keeps it under his pillow, with a full clip. He had the safety off before he even pulled it out..." Rachel pointed out.
"Should he...talk to someone about these nightmares, I mean he's had them with me before...right after Daryl died. He didn't pull a gun but...I don't know, seems like there's more to it than a trigger..." Avery stated softly.
"Don't you worry about, Hayden, Avery. He's okay, if he says he's alright then he is. We've only been home three to four months now, and we all served four tours..." Theo sighed, "also lets not forget that he did lose Anderson, and that's probably still hitting him hard-he's mourning, on top of trying to readjust to civilian life, planning yours and his wedding, helping me with mine: he's just got a lot going on. He'll be fine, let him go for his run. That usually takes some of the stress off him."
"If you say so..." Avery stated as she looked at the bed where Hayden had once been laying in, where she watched him thrashing around.
(Twenty Minutes Later-With Hayden)
He had only run about a mile before reaching the lake on the complex grounds, it was a military housing base with anything from houses to little apartments. He wasn't the only one who came out running every morning, a lot of Alpha Fire housed at this place. Officially it was called Soldiers Paradise, a place for soldiers to live, relax, have counseling and more. It was pretty much a retirement home only they didn't have to just lay around all day with people to take care of them. It was for veterans, dragons, soldiers who didn't want to live at Fort Dreki on base or at home, soldiers who had families and wanted to stay together. It was actually a beautiful place to live, complete with training grounds, pools, and small park.
'Stupid idiot...You pulled a gun on your friends, and fiance because you got lost in a nightmare and forgot where you were...Damn it, Anderson...Why'd you have to go and die on me...I really need you right now man...' Hayden thought as he stared up at the sky sadly as a cool January breeze blew by him. Hayden took a few minutes to get himself together before starting to jog again, he needed to clear his head: that nightmare was just a little to much for him.
(5pm)
Hayden returned to his apartment around 6am, showered off from the run then assured everyone again that he was fine before wedding preparations began. The wedding would be starting at 5:15pm, all day since 9am they went to the hall where it was being held and set up. Hayden made absolute sure that nothing went wrong from set up to seating people according to how Theo and Olivia planned it. The ceremony went through without a problem at all, it was beautiful actually. After the couple had their first dance, it was time for Hayden to give his speech just after dinner had started so he grabbed the microphone and tapped it a few times to get everyone's attention. "Hey! Settle down people, I got a few things I wanna say about this guy right here," Hayden smiled motioning to Theo as the room quieted down.
"Swear to God, Haddock..." Theo warned.
"Calm down, the speech is clean. Avery will confirm that for you now hush up or I'll make ya do PT on your wedding day," Hayden chuckled.
"Shutting up sir," Theo saluted slightly.
"Good now," Hayden took a breath, "I'm gonna tell you all a little story of how I met Mr. Theodore Holgerson...It was about six years ago when I'd just been picked up from my house on the Basic Training transport bus to Fort Dreki. I slept the entire hour ride but was woken up by this guy right here telling me we'd arrived. He introduced himself as Theodore Holgerson, Theo for short. I introduced myself as Hayden 'Hiccup' Haddock and not to ask about the middle name," he smiled as the room laughed a little. "Now, the first few hours of getting registered, all our bags, clothes, and shit...sucked! We couldn't talk, laugh, move, anything or we'd get screamed at. I remember I got yelled at once for cracking my neck because it was stiff and I wanted to punch the guy right in the face but Theo smacked me and said 'Don't do it man...' so I taught myself pretty quick to shut up and do as I was told. After meeting our Drill Sergeant-who is sitting over there at table eight, we were told to pick our bunk buddy and unpack, we had ten minutes to make it perfect. Theo asked me right away if I wanted wanted to bunk with him. I was never more grateful to of made a friend on the bus."
"What happened after that?" Dylan asked.
"Well Theo and I got done first, and stood ready as our Drill Sergeant told everyone to line up and he checked over everything. Now, I happened to notice that my blanket had been moved out of position but I didn't notice it, until it was too late. I got screamed at by the Drill Sergeant, for having a messy bed and I remember telling myself how badly I wanted to punch him in the face. He forced me to do twenty-five push-ups, then told me not to let it happen again. He walked down the line more to check the others and this asshole right here," Hayden motioned to Theo who chuckled, "only looked over at me and said he was sorry for messing up my blanket by accident. Definitely good times in the barracks, never a dull moment with us." Hayden shook his head laughing slightly.
"I've known this guy for six years now and I hope I get to know him until the day I die. He's a great friend, one of my best friends actually-consider the man my brother. He's always had my back, willing to cover me, help me out. I'm damn blessed to have this guy in my life. I remember the second time in Iraq when we'd been deployed, this guy saved my life because he knew something was wrong. We'd gotten ambushed and I had them run to safety, I got tackled down and choked out by an enemy. Theo here asked if I needed help and when I didn't answer because I was about to die...he rushed in to save me," Hayden smiled.
"Hey, come on now. You've saved me way more than I've saved you man." Theo said as Hayden and him fist-bumped. "And to be fair, I didn't know there was an enemy in there...I thought you fell into an asthma attack from the smoke,"
"I was pretty damn close to it, Theo," Hayden smiled wider, "All that aside, I remember the day he told me he met Olivia and Gods I kept wanted to smack him just to shut him up so I could sleep but I was happy for him. Felt good to see my friends be happy, even if our lives were utter hell sometimes. Now, I never knew how serious they were. I myself tried to hold a relationship while on base or deployed and it was hard. But the second tour in Iraq, I was on leave while they were on a mission. When Theo couldn't get through to the base, he radioed me while I was here in Berk for help. I got through to the base and sent them an extraction. But when I got on the radio with him, he told me he'd been hurt badly so while waiting for extraction-I talked to him the whole time and that's when he told me that not only was he no longer a virgin, but also having a baby and getting married. Talk about news over a radio right?"
"Couldn't not tell ya, you were the first person I told, Hiccup." Theo grinned.
"Hate that nickname, only like three people can call me that...be lucky you're one of them, anyway...after tellin me that, he asked me to be his best man when he got married so that's why I'm up here now. Theo is a wonderful friend, soldier, brother, father, and now a husband. He's got a big heart and a terrible sense of humor,"
"HEY!" Theo argued.
"You know it's true," Hayden grinned back now, Theo was about to protest when he just shrugged and nodded. "To you, Theo and Olivia, enjoy each other, enjoy your family, and enjoy life to the fullest. Congratulations to both of you. I wish you all the best in the journey you've started today and I pray you have many more years filled with days like this of happiness." he said softer.
"Thank you, Hayden..." Olivia smiled with a nod.
"My esteemed pleasure," Hayden offered a slight bow of his head before putting the mic down while Theo hugged him, and Hayden hugged him back. Hayden hadn't meant to talk about some of their missions, it wasn't easy for him but he wanted to express what Theo meant to him-not just as a soldier but a friend and brother too. Hayden knew the nightmares would haunt him tonight, but he'd suffer it. They were getting worse, he was seeing things differently than how it had really been. It was his mind trapping him, breaking him down further and further as the time passed. Hayden knew he was still at war in his head and now he was a prisoner of that war, a prisoner to his own mind.
