Chapter 14.
I'm running, running through the snow like my life depended on it. In front of me there's a redheaded man that keeps dragging me and telling me I need to move faster. But I'm weak. I'm cold. I'm tired. I can't do this.
"Come on, Elsa. We have to hurry." He says urgently. "We need to reach the wall before dawn."
But before I can really comprehend what's going on, the world spins and I find myself surrounded by tall walls of blue ice.
I'm in a circular chamber, sitting in some sort of chair and staring at the ceiling, where a big chandelier, made of crystallized ice, is hanging. I'm thinking about how I maybe shouldn't have made it so big, and not really listening to what someone in front of me is saying.
I'm tired. Too tired. Can't he see that?
"… And so, Weaselton refused to establish trade with a piece of land that isn't even a proper kingdom and has a witch for a queen." He paused, before sighing and glaring at me. "Elsa, are you even listening to me?"
"Yes, I'm listening." I don't tell him I only listened to the last part of what he said. Hopefully nothing more important needs my attention right now.
"Well?" He asks. "What should we do?"
Darkness surrounds me for a second, and when I'm able to see once more, I'm somewhere else; a somewhat snowy valley. It's dark, and there's no moon, but I can still see a man in front of me, dressed in the teal uniform of a royal guard, but with a black hood covering part of his face.
"Papa!" I call to him, crying torrents and fighting against the grip of the soldier that's dragging me away from him, but he remains still, just watching me being taken away. The pain on my chest intensifies greatly at this, and I fight harder, struggling to return to him. "Papa, please! Don't leave me!" I plead once more, but he doesn't move.
"I'm sorry." He says, and it sounds like he's crying too. "Goodbye, Elsa."
Everything changes once more, and this time I'm lying on a bed, apparently made of snow. I know I should get up now, since the light of the sun filters trough the icy walls and enters proudly trough the window. But I'm still sleepy. Last night I barely had any sleep.
It's always like this when Hans is out to the provinces, but this time was worse because Helen went with him. Sure, Olaf and Marshall help me out all they can, but… it's not the same. I need my friend's comforting presence, and I need Hans' advice. But more importantly, I need him so my powers don't go wild.
"Elsa!" I hear Olaf's voice coming from the stairs to my room. He sounds almost panicked. Something that needs my attention must have happened… or maybe he's just exaggerating as always. Whatever it is, I still get up and prepare myself to greet him.
As expected, he bursts in without even knocking, yelling my name before stopping in front of me and pausing to catch his breath. He looks like he also just woke up, with his disheveled black hair, messy pajamas and shoeless feet.
"Elsa." He says once more between pants.
"Yes, Olaf? What happened?" I ask, slightly concerned.
"The monarchs of Arendelle… they're dead."
The scene dissolves once more, and this time I'm in a different room, a different bed. These aren't made of ice. These are normal and quite elegant, like something you'd see in a palace. I, however, am not directly sitting on the bed, but on my mother's lap, hugging her tightly. Crying.
Despite my gloves, the ice is spreading fast.
"Shhhh." She coos, trying to calm me down. "Don't cry, sweetheart." She says.
"Why does papa hate me?" I ask between sobs, feeling my heart clench in agony.
"Oh, Elsa, he doesn't hate you." She replies, tightening her hold on me. "Ever since you were born, he hasn't loved anything more than he does you."
"He hates all ice-wielders." I protest between hiccups. "He says we're bad. And he always gets angry when I do magic."
"He doesn't hate ice-wielders." She assures me, and her soft voice is almost enough to convince me of her words. Almost. "He's just scared of what he doesn't understand, just like everyone else."
But her voice gets more quiet at the end as she disappears, together with everything else.
Now, I'm standing in the middle of a field, inspecting the little plants that have just started to grow, and listening to a man's explanation about the soil, temperature and water requirements. Apparently, it all seems to be going well enough and we will be able to feed on them in a few months. I just hope there will be enough for everyone. Or at least for the kids.
If not, maybe we could buy some more with the money we get by selling what we extract from our mines. I wonder if Hans has had any success destroying that wall of rocks. Maybe we'll find some more ore on the other side.
"Elsa!" Olaf yells, and I turn to see him running towards me. I fight the urge to correct him, because I know it'd be useless. "Hans found something in the mines." He informs me, doubling over and trying to catch his breath. "He said you needed to see it."
Suddenly, I'm not on the field anymore; I'm in a battlefield. No. I'm in the middle of a carnage. Ice and blood mingle everywhere. Steel cuts through flesh and ice pierces the soldiers' hearts.
I didn't want this. I didn't mean to start a war. I don't want to kill anyone, and yet… I have no option but to defend myself, and to defend the other Northerners. My superior powers don't have any problem killing every single Arendellian soldier in sight, and a part of me thinks they deserve it, but I don't take any pleasure in this.
I wished it didn't have to come to this. But apparently Hans was right; Arendelle just won't leave us alone unless we send a clearer and much more brutal message. Not that I'm doing this massacre for that purpose, but the revolution has started and, if I can't stop it with words, I may as well do it with ice.
I know we're all in danger until the last soldier falls.
I close my eyes for a moment, and when I open them again, I'm in an entirely different place. A cottage.
I'm in my bed, looking at the stars trough the hole in the ceiling, trying to remember the names of the constellations while waiting for sleep to find me.
In that moment, however, the door to my room opens and Helen walks in, wearing her pajamas.
"Elsa!" She says enthusiastically, but trying to keep her voice low. "Are you awake?"
"Yes." I answer, sitting up and turning to face her. "Did you need anything?"
"Do you want to build a snowman?" She asks with a mischievous smile as she walks towards me. I just sigh, not wanting to disappoint her, but knowing I shouldn't agree.
"You know I'm not supposed to use my powers." I gently remind her, but she just comes to me, hugs me tightly and pouts, giving me puppy dog eyes.
"Please?" She insists.
"Helen… remember what happened last time I used my powers for our amusement?" I say, and her gaze instantly saddens.
"Yes." She sighs.
"Well then, go to your room." I command her, afraid she'll insist and I won't be able to refuse her.
"Can I at least sleep with you?" She then asks, almost pleading, and in her scared eyes I see she's relieving the night I mentioned a little too vividly.
"Of course." I reply with a smile that she promptly mirrors.
But as I look down at her cute and happy face, Helen starts transforming. Her eyes are no longer completely green, but have a few traces of blue here and there. Her hair now is red, instead of brown, and is tied up in two pigtails instead of flowing free. Her skin looks healthier, and her cheeks more roundish. Her body isn't sickly thin anymore, and her head barely comes to my stomach instead of my chest. She's also wearing a real nightgown instead of rags.
Startled, I realize I'm now looking at a younger version of Anna. A child that's roughly five years old.
But the child starts to grow in my arms; she starts getting taller, her hair gets longer, her face loses the baby fat, her neck is now more slender, and her body… gosh, her body feels so good between my arms. I can feel her tiny waist just above her round and firm bottom. I can feel her soft breasts pressing against my own chest.
But it's not enough. As I look at her half-lidded eyes, I'm only certain of one thing: I want more.
"Elsa." Anna says with a husky voice, biting her lip sexily. "I need you."
"Anna…" I start saying, but I'm silenced by her lips crashing against mine.
I close my eyes to savor better the kiss. It's sweet. Passionate. Persistent but soft and loving. It just feels so right. Not only in the physical way either, but on the fact it feels like it's something I've been searching for my whole life without knowing it. Like finding a long-lost friend, or returning home after a long period of absence. It's comforting. It makes me feel safe. Like nothing else matters anymore, just her lips.
And maybe that's why, when she pushes me into the mattress, I don't put up any resistance, and we keep kissing, the queen laying on top of me while I tenderly caress her body, wanting to feel more of it but knowing it's too soon.
And then she starts kissing my neck, moaning softly my name as she does that. This, more than anything, makes a sudden warmth surge within me, and it has me quiver under her, begging for more.
"Elsa…" She moans. "Please, make love to me."
"I-I… w-what?" I stutter, looking at her in confusion, only to see her lustful gaze staring back at me. "Now?!"
"Please." She says, kissing my neck once more.
"Well…"
Before I can form even one coherent phrase, however, I wake up.
At first I'm not sure if I'm actually awake or in another memory or weird hallucination, given everything looks exactly like in my dream; I'm in my room at the castle, it's still dark outside and… I'm not alone in my bed. Anna's with me. Well, on top of me. Drooling over my neck, with her arms and legs all over me, holding me in place.
At first I'm confused, but then I remember she actually stayed with me last night, saying I'd need her if my powers went wild in my sleep. But… I don't remember us falling asleep in this rather compromising and intimate position. It's probably what made me had that strange and sensual dream.
A dream that, unfortunately, has left me rather aroused, if the heat I feel in my core is any indication.
What's wrong with me? We're both women! And she's the queen! And I'm a peasant Northerner! Heck, I'm probably even the Ice Queen! Her enemy! I can't be having these feelings for her. It's stupid, and they'd never be returned, and I'd be utterly devastated if she went to find out and pushed me away because of them. And… this is just so stupid. I should have never let her sleep with me in the first place! That was probably the trigger to all this madness.
Or was it?
I mean, last night I undoubtedly felt something when we were dancing. And when we were alone in that little balcony, so close to each other. And when she kissed me goodnight. It's wasn't lust, per se, like in my dream. It was something more. Something deeper, like… Love.
But could it be? Have I really fallen for the queen? And if so… what can I do about it? Love is not something you can just get rid of out of pure will. I think. My only option is to hide it and pray she doesn't find out. She'd probably be disgusted, and she'd hate me. Or maybe she'd just say she doesn't see me that way and we could still be friends. I honestly don't know which option would be more painful.
But anyways, I need to calm down before I start freezing my bedroom. I have other things to worry about right now, like the rest of my dream.
They were memories. Well, fragments of memories without any order, that on their own don't make any sense. It was rather chaotic, unlike the other dream-memories I have experienced and, if the greatly enhanced headache I have is any indication, I'd say that was because of the alcohol. Maybe if I hadn't drank, I wouldn't have had these weird visions of my past. But then again, I probably also wouldn't have been brave enough to ask Anna to dance, and she also wouldn't be sleeping with me right now so… I'm not complaining.
But still. It was too weird. The only things I can say for certain is that Hans and Helen were probably very important people in my life, I had some sort of important government position in the Northern Lands (though hopefully I wasn't the queen) and… my father hated me? No. He didn't. Mom said he loved me, and he was crying when he said goodbye to me, presumably when I was taken to the Northern Lands. Also, he was wearing the uniform of a royal guard, so I assume he was one, and probably worked at the palace.
Maybe he's still here?
The thought gives me chills. I hope he doesn't. I'm not sure what I'd do if he recognized me, more so considering I most likely wouldn't.
But enough of distressing thoughts; they're just accentuating my already bad headache, and some frost just appeared on my bed. And yes, Anna doesn't seem to mind much, but it'd be inconsiderate to force the queen to sleep on a block of ice, right? So maybe I should try to get some sleep, even if I doubt my headache will let me. Or Anna, for that matter. She keeps nuzzling comfortably into my neck and giving me the pleasant kind of chills.
Gosh, how am I ever going to keep my love for her a secret if even the smallest of her actions make my body react in ways I never thought possible? The next few days will surely be torture. Maybe even months, until I manage to get rid of my feelings for her. Hopefully, when my memories come back I'll stop loving her like that, but nothing is sure.
But anyways… I should really get some sleep. Tomorrow will surely be a busy day, what with the "attack of the Northerner" and all that. I just hope for a dreamless sleep, without random memories and scandalous fantasies.
I wake up to a loud thump and a pained moan. It takes me a few seconds to open my eyes, and a few more to get used to the intense light coming from the window, but when I'm finally able to see clearly and search for whatever pulled me out of my sleep, I realize startled that the bed is empty. But Anna's side is still warm, so where…?
Before I can panic about the queen disappearing during the night, I hear a groan and see a literal lion's mane of red hair emerge from her side of the bed… followed by Anna's body clad in my spare nightgown.
"… Anna?" I ask, a part of me not believing she really is the victim of such a bad case of bed hair. Or that she just fell from the bed and woke me up, for that matter.
"Mmmmh…. Morning." She mumbles, practically dragging herself back into bed, keeping her eyes closed. And she collapses next to me, promptly proceeding to start snoring in a very adorable way… apparently already having fallen asleep.
"Uh… Anna?" I say, shaking her slightly. I really don't want to wake her up, not with how cute she looks laying on her stomach and drooling all over my pillows behind a mountain of tangled hair, but it's probably already late in the morning, and people may start worrying if she's not in her room, more so after last night's supposed attack by a Northerner.
"I'm awake!" She starts, bolting up into a crawling position, and making me jump a little too. Then, she looks around, disoriented, as if trying to make sense of what she's seeing.
"I'm not in my room." It's the first thing she says after what feels like a minute of her just trying to make her mind work after having just woken up.
"No, you're in my room, remember?" I say, raising an eyebrow and patiently waiting for Anna to process the information.
"Your room?" She tilts her head like a confused puppy, but a second later her eyes widen and she seems to realize what she's doing here. "Oh! That's right, the icy incident!" I try not to cringe, remembering my little outburst from last night, but I only partially succeed. "There were no more leaks right?" She asks me with an expression of slight concern. "I mean, the temperature has apparently gone back to normal."
"No, Anna, everything is quite alright." I say, omitting the fact that I had some weird dreams that almost caused me to freeze my room once more (and trying not to blush at the thought of my little fantasy). "Well, except my head." I admit. "I think I'm a bit hungover."
"You shouldn't have drank that much." She chastises me with an adorable authoritarian look on her face, but when I just smile shyly, silently admitting she's right, the redhead's face adopts a playful expression. "I mean, considering you pretty much kidnapped the queen when she was dancing with a very handsome man, then retained her all night and stepped on her toes, and finally threw a pretty big and icy tantrum when said queen decided to stop dancing, I think I'll make an official decree saying you're not to be allowed near alcohol ever again!"
Though she said all of that so it was obvious she was just teasing me, I still end up blushing and burying my head between my hands in embarrassment. Being sober I would never have done any of that! Especially dragging Anna away from that man who had a clear interest on her. I mean, what if she also was interested in him? Like, in a romantic way?
Just the thought of it makes my blood boil in jealousy all over again.
No, I don't regret anything that happened last night, but I can still be mortified about it, right?
"Hey, it's okay." Anna says, clearly amused by my reaction, as she tries to get my hands of my face. "I actually think it's quite endearing, and I'm not the slightest bit mad at you."
"You forget there's a huge problem, about a Northerner supposedly attacking us during the ball, that you're gonna have to solve." I remind her, thought my voice is muffled by my hands.
"If that's the price I have to pay in order to dance with you, I don't mind." She answers gently, being so characteristically loving and endearing. I doubt she's ever been rude with anyone, and that only makes my heart swell with love for her… which wouldn't be bad if my feelings were strictly platonic.
"You mean it?" I ask, even if I already know the answer, finally lowering my hands and looking at her eyes, trying (and failing) not to be hypnotized by them. They're just so pretty!
"Yes." She assures me, and I can't help frowning a little at that; even if I'm glad she doesn't mind what happened, I still think that, as a queen, she shouldn't take this so lightly.
"Anna…" I start, but she raises her hand and glares at me.
"No. Quit the worrying." She commands, and I'm about to protest when she gives me a warning glance. "I mean it. Stop worrying or I'll have to force you to smile."
I'm about to ask how exactly she's going to do that, when suddenly I feel her fingers dig into my ribs, and before I know it, I'm squirming and laughing like crazy, desperately trying to get away from her and regain my breathing, but I can't! I'm too ticklish!
"Anna! Stop!" I scream between laughs, but she doesn't relent, laughing herself at my desperate attempts to get away from her merciless attack. "Anna, please!" I say, almost out of breath.
"Never!" She answers, trying to make her voice sound intimidating, but in that very moment I accidentally kick her knee, making her lose balance and fall completely on top of me, her face inches apart from mine.
We fall silent all of the sudden, sensing some kind of weird tension in the air that wasn't there before. Like we're waiting for something, and we both know what, but just won't acknowledge it or act upon the feeling we're experiencing. Or even comment about it.
I try to avoid looking into her eyes, but my gaze simply deviates towards her lips and, remembering the weird dream I had last night, all I want is to close the distant and… kiss her. There. I just admitted it (even if just in my head). I want to kiss Anna.
Before I can do something stupid and ruin my life forever, though, the door suddenly opens, and Gerda walks in, talking in a way that makes clear she's worried about something.
"Elsa, wake up, the queen is…!" She stops dead in her tack when she sees us, and I realize the very compromising position we're in; Anna is laying on top of me, between my legs, with her hands on both sides of my head, while my own hands are resting on her waist… and it probably looks like we're about to kiss.
Anna seems to realize this too, because she quickly sits up and laughs nervously, pulling a stand of hair behind her ear (which is ridiculous considering her hair is a complete disaster).
"Oh. Gerda." She gives her a tense smile. "What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here? What are you doing here, young lady?" The maid shots back, walking until she's standing at the side of my bed and looking at the queen like she's a misbehaving child. "Everyone is looking for you! They think the Northerner abducted you!"
"That's… uh… that's bad." Anna admits, wincing.
"Yes. And Princess Rapunzel is leaving in an hour, and you're supposed to accompany her to her ship." Gerda reminds her, but then looks at me, and I realize what she just said was for the both of us.
"Oh, that's right!" Anna exclaims, promptly jumping out of bed and taking the things she left on a chair last night. "I have to get ready!" And with that, and an apologetic look in my direction, she bolts out of the room (but probably just to avoid being chastised like a child in front of me, more than to avoid being late to Rapunzel's departure).
At this, Gerda just shakes her head, partially amused, like she'd expected such a thing from Anna, and partially worried about her child-like demeanor. Then, she turns to me, her gaze softening a little bit.
"Get ready, I'll bring you some tea and honey bread for breakfast." She says.
"Thank you, Gerda." I answer, trying to cover the embarrassment I feel at having been discovered in such a compromising position with the queen herself. She seems to notice my embarrassment though, because she gives me a knowing glance before exiting the room.
I sigh and bury my face in my hands. Concealing my feelings for the beautiful redheaded monarch will be more difficult than I thought.
A/N: Hi. I hope you liked this chapter, because I sure had a lot of fun writing it, especially Elsa's dream. I hope it wasn't too confusing XD.
Anyways, I'm kinda injured right now (nothing serious, don't worry), so I don't know when I'll be able to update again, so be patient okay? Thank you for reading, and see you soon (I hope).
Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.
