A/N: The plan is to update this like every 5 days-is (y'all im like 3 chapters ahead holy shit).
WARNING THOUGH WARNING PLS READ. Ok so this chapter goes deeper into PTSD and trauma in general and mild mentions of torture and scars and it can be perceived as a little dark (it's not super descriptive i just want to warn anyone who has triggers for those kind of things). For those who know Aj from my other story, this is where things get a little different. In my other story i focused more on other things and i didnt have the time to explore the time she spent with Boss so i didnt go in depth or even include the scars. This story i feel like i have the room to explore those themes and they're kind of a huge plot aspect. I just wanted to warn y'all just in case!
Chapter #14:
All The Kings' Horses and All The Kings' Men
"Some of the kindest souls I know have lived in a world that was not so kind to them. Some of the best human beings I know, have been through so much at the hands of others, and they still love deeply, they still care. Sometimes, it's the people who have been hurt the most, who refuse to be hardened in this world, because they would never want to make another person feel the same way they themselves have felt. If that isn't something to be in awe of, I don't know what is." –Bianca Sparacino
"Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots!" Darcy cheered as Tony began to pour tequila into six shot glasses. I glanced at Darcy on my left who was already tipsy enough to think this was a good idea and Sam who was nodding and mentally trying to hype himself up. On my right, Rhodey had a hand over his mouth, hiding a smirk, and Clint stood beside him looking way, way too excited about this.
On one hand, the logical part of my brain was telling me that this drinking contest was probably a poor idea. On the other hand, I had been challenged and it wasn't in my nature to ever turn down a competition of any kind.
"Shot every 15 minutes. Last man standing—"
"Woman!" Darcy and I barked.
Tony rolled his eyes, "Last person standing is the winner and everyone else should hide their faces in shame until Christmas."
"You really think you'll be able to keep out of the public eye until Christmas?" Rhodey teased, taking a shot glass that Tony was beginning to pass out.
Sam scoffed, "Stop flirting. Where's my damn lime?"
Clint threw him a slice from the pile we had collected and did the same for the rest of us. I chuckled and held the saltshaker up. In response, everyone licked the back of their hand, by their thumb, and I shook out enough salt for everyone. The crystals sticking to the line of saliva on my hand.
"Enjoy this. Next round is vodka." Darcy grinned.
"Jesus, we're mixing liquors?" I asked.
"Why? Scared, Aimee Jane?" Tony asked with mock concern.
I flipped him off and grabbed my shot glass. We all glanced around at each other, checking out the competition. With a nod, the contest began. We lifted our hands, "Arriba!", tapped the shot glasses against the bar, "Abajo!", then clacked the glasses together in the middle, "Al centro!"
I licked the salt off my hand, threw the shot back, and then stuck the lime into my mouth. The tequila Tony poured was smooth. Compared to the liquor I usually had this stuff was the liquor of kings and queens.
"See you bitches in 15 minutes!" Darcy slammed her hands on the bar table with a grin before slinking off. Tony had picked the tequila, apparently Darcy was going with Vodka, and I had thirty minutes to figure out what I was going to pick for my round. I glanced around the room, looking for Granny, and finally spotted her sitting on the couch talking to Pepper, May, and Hannah.
Someone slung their arm around my shoulders, and I glanced over to see Clint hanging off me. Like Darcy, he had been tipsy before even starting. Even sober he had a penchant for draping himself over the closet person around him, but with alcohol it only doubled.
"Hiya, Clint." I chirped.
"After we teach you to fight multiple people successfully", Clint began, "Then we are gonna both get drunk and I'll teach you how to fight someone while plastered."
"Who says I don't know how to do that already?"
"Spoken like a true Barton." Clint grinned and leaned back far enough to high five me.
I chuckled and dragged him along with me to go sit with Granny. If he was gonna cling to me like this then he was gonna get dragged along with what I wanted to do, and the only thing I wanted to do, other than kick everyone's asses in drinking, was sit by Granny.
Darcy made them take her shot which she called the 'Kamikaze without the Kamikaze'. Aka, it was just a shot of vodka. Sam was determined to not be the first one out of this contest, but the competition looked stiff. He knew for a fact that Tony and Darcy would be the hardest to beat based off what he heard about last Thanksgiving. Rhodey, a longtime friend of Tony, had to be able to hold his own. Clint probably could as well. Sam assumed that was a requirement to being an agent of SHIELD. That left little Aj. Based on her size alone, there was a chance she would be the easiest to take down. However, she was known for surprising people.
Sam looked over to see Aj was still where she had walked to by Thor and Steve after taking her shot. He continued to move over to the couch, tapping on the back of it, "Hey ladies."
"Sam." Pepper greeted.
"Mind if I steal Rosie for a second?" Sam asked. May, Hannah, and Pepper nodded easily, and the older woman rose from the couch to follow him a little ways away from them. He motioned to her, "Can I grab you anything to drink?"
Rosie smiled and shook her head, "No, I'm fine. Wine will knock me right out."
"Speaking of being knocked out, do you know Aj's tolerance for alcohol? Do I have a chance in this little competition?"
She reached out and squeezed his arm, "Oh, dear, I hope you didn't put anything too important on the line."
Sam laughed, "Nah, just my pride and dignity, I guess." He stuck his hands into his pockets and nodded in the direction, "I actually have another question about Aj. A little less fun than the drinking one."
Rosie hummed, "Before she introduced you to me, she mentioned you were her therapist?"
"Not exactly. I'm just a friend trying to help anyway I can." Sam chuckled. "We're all pretty observant around here. For the important stuff, anyways. I was just wondering if there was anything you could tell me that might help."
"What all of y'all have done so far is incredible." Rosie said softly. "This old woman will forever be in debt." Sam shook his head at that, but she continued, "She's been through so much from such a young age. My Aimee Jane is a fighter. She always has been. She's made it her mission in life to always get back up."
Sam nodded in agreement, "She's very strong."
Rosie chuckled, "You know, it's funny. Do you know about her sister?"
"I know she exists." Sam replied. "That she left."
"If Aimee Jane is the sun, then Aubrey is the moon." Rosie said. "They're opposites. Where Aimee Jane is loud and to the point, Aubrey is soft spoken and gentle. Aimee Jane meets tribulation with grit and passion. Aubrey meets it with patience and kindness." Rosie shook her head. A small smile curling up on her lips, "Aimee Jane knows this, and in her head she has it figured out that Aubrey is the loving sister. The tender hearted one, but she's wrong. I have never met someone who loves as deeply as she does."
They both glanced over to where Aj was laughing loudly. She had an arm hooked through Steve's, leaning against his side, while motioning to Thor with a smirk. Thor's own booming laughter joined hers.
Sam chuckled to himself, "She's a really good person. I could see that from the beginning."
"There isn't a single thing in this world that Aimee Jane wouldn't do for the people she loves. She's always been that way. To a fault, I would say." Rosie said. She suddenly reached out again and held his arm. Sam was surprised at the contact and the look of desperation in her eyes. Rosie shook her head once, "Whatever it is y'all are doing…it's working. I've never seen her so happy and carefree before. Even when she started getting better with me in Alabama, I— she was never like this. Sam, I know what it is all of you do here…"
Sam's own smile faltered, "Rosie…"
"I know and I know it's so very dangerous." Rosie squeezed his arm, "Please, keep her safe. Aimee Jane loves y'all. I can see it so clearly in her eyes. She's gotten so good at hiding the worst of her scars, but she can never hide anything in those big, blue eyes of hers. Aimee Jane would do anything for y'all and that terrifies me."
Sam pulled his other hand out of his pocket to rest on top of her hand comfortingly, "Rosie, I swear to you, we won't let her get hurt. She's family."
Rosie gave him a grateful smile. Sam clapped hand over hers again. The more he heard about Aubrey the more he wanted to meet the woman. It felt like she was this missing piece of the puzzle. What Sam thought was interesting was how Rosie spoke about Aubrey in the present. He had been under the impression that Aj had met Rosie after Aubrey left and because of that the older woman had never met the sister before. The way she spoke though sounded different.
"Sam!"
He glanced over to see Aj nodding toward him, "Ready for round three?"
"Good luck." Rosie chuckled. Sam was starting to think he'd need it.
For my round of shots, I made air mail cocktails in shot form. Rum, lime, and a little champagne. For the round after that, Sam made us do fireball which was a new level of hell for me. Then Rhodey made us do whiskey which after the fireball made my stomach feel like it had twisted and turned over. Finally, Clint who picked round six, picked Jägermeister and everyone collectively told him to 'fuck off' before taking the poison.
"No, you should stay." I pleaded. At six shots I was teetering on the edge of being completely gone. My tolerance had always been fairly high. That was bad news for my liver, but great news for my chances at winning. "Granny, please."
Granny chuckled and cupped my face, "I'm an old woman. It's past my bedtime."
"I can go with you then."
"And throw in the towel?" Granny asked. She shook her head and pulled me into a tight hug, "I'll be here tomorrow. You can show me around the city. How's that?"
I nodded against her shoulder, "M'kay. I love you, Granny. I'm so sor—"
She pulled away and slapped my side lightly, "No more apologies. I love you, dear. I'll see you in the morning." I stuck my lower lip out into a pout, and she chuckled, "Not too early though."
It wasn't terribly late, a little after 9:30, but people were beginning to filter out at this point. Tony had rented out a few rooms close to the Tower for Granny, Happy, Rhodey, Hannah, and Harley. Happy was going to take everyone to the hotel, minus Rhodey who was still standing strong in the competition, but Harley and Peter were in the process of trying to convince their guardians to let them stay a little longer.
"Please, mom." Harley put on one of those cute faces kids did to win arguments with ease. "I could sleep on the couch like last time!"
Peter was trying to win the same argument with May. I stepped away from Granny to smile at May, "I know this sounds less reassuring because I'm a breath away from being drunk, but I promise to look out for him. He could stay on Steve and I's couch tonight."
"Steve's and your couch?" Clint hummed in amusement, and maybe if my brain wasn't hazy with a myriad of various alcohols, I'd be able to figure out why he found that so funny.
May grabbed my hand, "Are you sure? I don't want to intrude on you guys."
"It's no intrusion at all." I said firmly and set my hand on Peter's shoulder. Peter, content with shutting up and letting me take control of the conversation, just grinned. I went to pull my phone out of my back pocket, to get May's number, but it slipped from my inebriated fingers. I expected to watch it hit the floor and break, but instead I watched as Peter snatched it out of the air. He held it up for me, "Whoa, thanks Petey. Nice catch."
I swapped numbers with May and then pulled Granny into another hug. Thanks to being one of the bigger dumbasses in the universe, I was ten years behind on hugs with her. I refused to miss out on anymore. When they finally left, after I hugged Granny one last time, Darcy dragged me over to the bar where the other competitors waited.
"Round 7!" She yelled.
"Are you guys sure this is a good idea?" Jane questioned with a chuckle.
I shook my head, "Absolutely not." My eyes darted over to Natasha, "How come you aren't playing with us?"
"Because she would drink us all under the table without blinking." Clint answered for her. "She's Russian."
It was Tony's turn to pick again, and to my surprise he made us all B-52 shots. That was a nice break from the last two rounds. However, this was also the shot that took me from 'oh, hey I'm kind of feeling this' to 'hoo boy, light's out in five'. In the process of that switch, Maria Hill had slipped out with a laugh and quick nod, Bruce and Betty left with a soft spoken 'Happy Thanksgiving and please drink responsibly', and Thor and Jane left as well with a loud farewell. That left the competitors, Pepper, Natasha, Harley, Peter, and Steve.
"Well, I had a game in mind, but it was a drinking game. Since thing 1 and thing 2 are still here", Tony motioned to the boys who looked up in surprise at his voice, "Then I guess I'll have to find something PG-13. Come on, Aimee Jane."
He hooked his arm around my shoulder and dragged me down the hallway. I wrapped my arm around his side with a light glare, "Aj. Not Aimee Jane. Aj."
"Isn't that what I said?" Tony questioned and pulled open a closet door.
My eyes blinked in surprise at the collection of various games, "You have board games?"
"Of course, I do, I'm not a heathen." Tony scoffed.
"How is that even—never mind, whatever." I replied and wondered why this was the first I was seeing of this. Nothing would be more satisfying than kicking the Avengers' asses in Monopoly. I pulled one out, a thick box with the words 'Settlers of Catan' on it, and held it up, "Oh my God, Tony Stark, you're a giant fucking nerd."
"I will fire your ass." Tony threatened, snatching the game from me, "Right here, right now, on a holiday. I do not care."
I snickered as he swapped the game for something else. The box said werewolf on it, and I narrowed my eyes, "What is this?" He flipped the box over, holding it up to me, and I quickly read over a few words, "Oh, I know this. Played it college before. We called it mafia though."
"Yeah, there are like 20 different versions of this, but they're all the same."
"I can be moderator!" I slapped him in the chest lightly. "I am so good at being moderator."
"And so humble." Tony added. "Will you be able to moderate after you pass out during the next round of shots?"
When we came back into the room, we were greeted by the sight of Rhodey and Clint arm wrestling while Natasha egged them on. Both boys had picked Rhodey to cheer on so the archer was complaining loudly while trying to win. Tony walked over and hit Clint in the side of the head causing him to slip and lose then complain even louder.
"I know my usual idiots know how to play", Tony looked to Peter, "Do you know how to play this?"
"Oh yeah, Mr. Stark!" Peter nodded in excitement, "The rest of the debate club and I play it when we're traveling to other schools. Who's gonna be the announcer?"
I lifted my hand with a grin, but Darcy held her hands up to stop everything, "Shot first!"
"We just took shots." Sam groaned.
"I vote we change every 15 minutes to every time someone in the game is murdered by werewolves." Darcy replied.
"Hear hear!" Tony called out.
Darcy had us take a shot of plain vodka again and then we all sat around the living room in preparation to play. Tony sat on the couch and Pepper sat beside him, back to the armrest and legs over his own. Clint and Natasha also sat on the couch, Steve was relaxing in the single seat couch, Rhodey sat on the love seat with Darcy sprawled out beside him, and both boys sat criss-cross on the floor. Sam was on the floor with them, but he was lying back nearly passed out. Something told me he wasn't surviving the next round of shots.
I shuffled the cards, dealt them out, and then told everyone to close their eyes. Tony chimed in and asked JARVIS to notify him if anyone cheats so he could fist fight them and Pepper shushed him.
"Maf—Uh, werewolves wake up." I commanded. This was a game I played a number of times in college actually. The dorm I stayed at liked to indulge in it and even though I never really made friends I still joined in. I started being the moderator because it was an easy way to separate myself from them, but then I got really good at it. As it turns out, I'm good at talking out my ass.
Peter, Steve, and Natasha all lifted their heads, glancing at each other, and I smirked. Oh, this was great. I told them to put their heads down then woke up the police officer. Pepper raised her head with a smile, and I nodded once. She dropped her head, I woke up the Doctor, and Rhodey picked up his head in response. Interesting. I gave him a thumbs up and sent him back to his metaphorical bed.
"Werewolves wake up." I said and when they lifted their heads, I spoke again, "Who do you want to kill?"
Without hesitation, both Steve and Natasha pointed to Clint. Peter blinked in surprise and quickly joined them. I resisted the urge to chuckle and then tried to think of their mission. The mission was a motion they had to complete during the "day" before everyone went back to "sleep". I discreetly scratched the side of my face then they went back to sleep after acknowledging it. Next I woke up Pepper, who pointed to Tony and I shook my head no to tell her he wasn't a werewolf. Lastly, I woke up Rhodey.
"Doctor, who would you like to save?" I questioned. Rhodey glanced around then shrugged and pointed to himself. I nodded, "Ok go back to sleep." After a second, I continued, "Alright, everyone wake up." They all raised their heads and I began to circle around them while I spoke, "The citizens of Avengers-opolis awoke to a beautiful, sunny morning. Of course, this was all interrupted by murder when the police found Clint's body in a dumpster."
Clint shot up from his seat, "Ok, which one of you motherfuckers killed me first?!"
I set my hands on his shoulders and shoved him down into his seat again, "Sorry, Clint, dead people don't talk."
"Don't think I won't get back at you for that dumpster joke either." Clint pointed up at me. He moved to go get us our shots and I continued the flow of the game.
This was gonna be good.
Steve sat in his seat hiding a smirk with his hand. The game was getting intense, as every game they play within these walls typically did, and the shot contest had only added to the trash fire it was. Sam had taken one more shot after the game started and then threw in the towel. A little after that Pepper ended up being killed which was a real hit since she ended up being the police officer. At some point, around shot nine, the remaining players found out that Rhodey was the doctor and was picking to save himself every time which nearly threw Tony and him into a fist fight.
Now the only remaining shot contestants was Aj, Tony, and Clint. Darcy had fallen asleep, apparently the drinks she had before the shots had hindered her talents, and Rhodey had thrown in the towel to focus on the game. The only players remaining in the group game were Peter, Rhodey, and Tony. This was the werewolves' last chance to win.
Clint, Tony, and Aj took another shot before she sent them to sleep. Steve chuckled to himself as Aj stretched her arms over her head and shook her head. Her cheeks were painted with a drunk, pink glow and every word out of her mouth was dripping in the southern drawl she tried so hard to hide. If Tony wasn't so focused on winning the game he'd be teasing her for it. Steve just found it cute.
"Werewolf, wake up!" Aj cheered. "Who do you want to kill?" Peter pointed to Tony. It was the only logical choice because Rhodey would just save himself so trying to kill him was pointless. Technically it would get them a tie which was more or less a default win for their side. Aj shook her head, surprising Peter, him, and every other "dead" player watching. "Take your time werewolf. Point when you're ready."
Peter blinked in surprise, pointed to Tony again, but drunk Aj just shook her head again. The boy slowly turned his hand to point at Rhodey instead.
"Alright, got it, werewolf. Now your mission is this." Aj looked to Peter and began to wave her hands in front of her. She shook them side to side once while motioning her wrists downwards like an 'X'. Steve's smirk grew and he glanced over to Clint and Natasha who looked equally as impressed. Aj was knock down drunk and she was scheming. Peter put his head down and Aj woke up Rhodey, "Who would you like to—" Rhodey pointed to himself with a thumbs up and she grinned, "Got it, Doc."
When she woke them back and continued to circle around the couches. Steve watched her stumble once and chuckled to himself under his breath. Aj clapped her hands, "Well, as it turns out, the werewolf tried to devour Rhodey, but thanks to Rhodey's quick medical skills—"
"Oh, look, you finally saved someone." Tony mocked.
Rhodey narrowed his eyes at him, "Yeah, I guess I did."
"Don't fucking look at me like that." Tony said and pointed to Peter, "I told you it's the kid! The kid is the werewolf."
Peter shook his head, "I swear it's not me!"
Rhodey shook his head, "Then how come the kid didn't kill you?"
"I don't know! Ask the kid!" Tony argued back.
Aj managed to get around the couches and was currently standing behind Peter. Rhodey turned in his seat slightly, to look at Peter, and pointed to him, "It's over, kid. We're at the end here. Give it up."
"Mr. War Machine, sir." Peter lifted his hands and began to shake them just like Aj had done earlier, "I swear it isn't me. I'm not—"
"Mission accomplished." Aj interrupted the kid.
Rhodey whipped around to look at Tony who looked startled by Rhodey's glare, "What!?"
"I was staring at Peter this entire time—"
"Don't you dare. Don't you dare, I swear to God, I'll take the suit back—"
Peter leaned forward, "I saw Mr. Stark move out of the corner of my eye, I—I don't know what he did but…"
"Oh my God." Tony stood up.
Rhodey jumped up as well, "It's you!"
"What do you mean, 'it's you', I told you!" Tony scoffed, "You are the doctor who keeps saving his own ass this entire game—"
"It's a strategy." Rhodey spat back.
"I'm the poor, defenseless civilian who's somehow survived this long, and Peter is the last damn werewolf!"
Rhodey shook his head, "I have a nomination." Aj motioned for him to continue and he pointed to Tony while Peter nodded in agreement, "It's Tony. Tony's the werewolf."
"Traitor. Absolutely traitorous. See what happens next time you need an update, War Machine." Tony threw back at him.
Aj clapped her hands again, "Well, the votes seem to have it. Majority rules." Rhodey pumped his fist once. "Werewolves win."
"Werew—what?" Rhodey spun and glared at her.
Peter beamed up at the man from the floor and Rhodey closed his eyes in defeat. Tony was quick to remind him that it was his own fault though, "All those years of friendship, down the drain, because you fell for the kid's doe eyes!"
Rhodey whipped back on him, "You were being suspicious."
"I was trying to clear my name!" Tony argued.
Clint cupped his mouth, "Loser!"
"Hey, at least I didn't end up dead in dumpster during the first round."
"That's hurtful!"
Aj just giggled to herself and Tony finally noticed her. Before he could begin to attack her though, Pepper stood and wrapped her arms around him with a grin, "It's time for bed, my dear, mature boyfriend."
"Someone cheated. JARVIS?" Tony scoffed. Pepper pushed herself up slightly to whisper in his ear. He grumbled and gave in quickly after that. Everyone stood up to begin to move around. Harley was passed out, his head leaning against the side of the couch Rhodey had been sitting on. Even all the yelling hadn't woken the kid. Tony bent over and threw the kid over his shoulder making him stir. Pepper murmured one last 'Happy Thanksgiving' before following after them.
Rhodey scooped up Darcy, saying he'd drop her off on Thor's floor, before taking a cab to his hotel. Natasha dragged Clint away while he moaned and complained about not taking more shots. Steve pulled Sam off the ground and laid him down on the penthouse couch with a chuckle. He turned to see Peter sitting on the floor beside Aj while she cooed at him with a bright grin.
"Hey, Mr. Rogers, am I staying with you guys tonight?" Peter asked.
"Just Steve, and yeah kid." Steve replied. He walked over and helped Aj get up to her feet. Even standing still she was stumbling, her knees buckling a little, and he kept a firm grip on her arms, "You alright?"
Aj hummed and lifted a finger to tap on his nose, "Capt'n Rogers, I'm doin' fannnntastic. Jus' daises an' sunshine."
Steve chuckled, "Come on."
Peter followed him to the elevator and Aj had looped one of her arms through his to keep herself steady. The kid was still grinning ear to ear, "That was so cool! Aj, how'd you think of that?"
"I wanted my team to win." Aj shrugged. "Mafia all the way. Or werewolves. Same difference."
Steve listened to Peter and Aj bounce excited sentiments off one another as they rode the elevator down. When they got to his floor, he nodded to Peter, "Let me get Aj settled and I'll grab you a toothbrush and some stuff. There's a blanket around here somewhere."
"Thanks, Mr—uh, Steve."
Steve chuckled and helped Aj into his room. She was mumbling something that sounded like a song under her breath. He set her down on the side of his bed and she flopped onto her back with a laugh, "We won, Steve."
"That we did. Thanks to you." Steve replied.
She sat back up and he tried to get her back into bed, but she shook her head, "I wanna change an' wash my face. Where're you sleepin'?"
"I got a recliner in my office."
"Dummy." She lifted her hands and pressed them against his cheeks. Steve felt his face heat up and he untangled her hands from his face while clearing his throat. Aj giggled, "Jus' sleep in 'ere."
Steve felt his mouth go dry and the room was suddenly warm. He chuckled, "I—"
"We slept on the couch jus' fine an' this has way more room." She threw herself back, arms outstretched, as proof. She wasn't wrong, but it was different. Sleeping together on a bed purposefully versus passing out on a couch accidentally just felt different. Aj took in a deep breath, "No biggie. I promise I won' make a move on ya, Capt'n."
Steve thought she was trying to wink, but it came out more as an absurd, strained blink. He laughed under his breath and put his hands on his hips, "Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea, Aj."
"Come oooooooon." Aj stretched the word out. He crossed the room to grab her sleep shirt and shorts and then brought it back to her. She took them and hugged them to her chest with a grin. He could convince her when he came back. Hell, maybe she'd just be passed out by time he got back.
Steve grabbed a pair of sweatpants and spare toothbrush and went back out to the kid. Peter had found the knitted blanket Aj left here for Netflix nights. He had also stripped out of his button up shirt to leave him in a plain white t-shirt.
"Thanks!" Peter chirped when Steve handed over the stuff. He set it down before motioning to him, "I, uh, I didn't know you and Aj were dating. Mj never mentioned it. That's cool!"
Steve shook his head, "No, it's not like that. We're just good friends."
"O—Oh, sorry, I didn't mean—"
"It's fine, kid." Steve chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder, "Let me know if you need anything, ok?"
Peter agreed happily and Steve walked over to the kitchen to grab a few water bottles. He tossed one to Peter, that the kid caught easily, and then walked back to his bedroom with the other two. He half expected, hoped, that Aj would be out like a light, but instead he got the exact opposite. His eyebrows rose in confusion when he spotted her across the dark room standing in front of the large window. She was staring out of it, changed into her baggy t-shirt, with her arms wrapped around herself.
Steve set the bottles onto the bed and made his way toward her, "Aj? You ok?"
"They look like stars." She replied softly. He stopped beside her, keeping some distance between the two of them, and glanced over at her. She had taken her hair down so now it hung around her shoulders in a mess. Aj's tired gaze drifted to him briefly, "The city looks like stars from up here."
"Yeah, I guess it does."
"I used to stargaze… when I was little, that is. If you go deep 'nough into the 'bama woods the night lights disappear an' the sky comes to life." She smiled to herself. "When I first got to New York, I think that's what I missed the most. Other than Granny, of course. It felt like…It felt like I was on a whole new planet. Even the sky wasn' the same." Aj let out a laugh that didn't quite sound as happy as it should, "Turns out I just wasn' lookin' in the right direction. Kept lookin' up…hopin'—hopin' to catch sight of a star an' feel somethin'… anythin'."
"Aj, you should get to bed."
"Now, I'm lookin' down an' I see all the stars an' I feel eveythin'." Aj finished softly.
Steve pressed his lips together and he reached out to lightly set his hand on her elbow. She turned as he did it so most of her body faced him, but she kept her gaze on the skyline. Steve couldn't remember the last time he got drunk. The last time he even tried was when he lost Bucky, but the serum wouldn't give him that reprieve. He knew the gist of it though. Alcohol could make you feel really, really good until suddenly…it didn't.
He gave up on trying to keep space and set his other hand on her back trying to offer any comfort that he could, "What's going on in your head, sweetheart?"
"I can't tell you." Aj replied quietly, she finally glanced at him again, "It'll make you sad too, an' I don't ever wanna make you sad, Steve."
Steve's eyebrows furrowed in even more confusion, "Hey, you don't worry about that. What's going on?"
He rubbed her back with his hands as soothingly as he could. Steve could feel something under his hand, something under her shirt. He pressed down a little more on what felt like faintly raised edges, but Aj turned to face him. Steve pulled her hands away as she crossed her own arms. Now he was starting to get worried.
"Aj—"
"Do you think Tos— Bucky can see the stars? Wherever he is?"
The question caught Steve off guard entirely. It was the last thing he expected her to ask about in this moment between them. He could understand why she didn't want to bring the topic up though. Steve didn't mention it to her either, but he was still looking. They all were. Clint and Natasha constantly had their sources reporting back to them and even Sam was doing everything he could. Maybe he should've brought her into the loop though. He would've if he had known this was plaguing her so badly.
"I'm sure he can." Steve nodded.
"I hope he had a good thanksgivin'." Aj sighed. "He could've been here with us if I had been stronger."
Steve shook his head, "What?"
"You guys came to the bunker. You were comin' for me, but he was there. If I hadn' gotten sick like that… if I had just lasted a little longer than you would've found both of us in that bunker—"
"Aj…" Steve narrowed his gaze, "Aj, no."
"I'm sorry. He saved me. He saved me, an' I couldn' even last long enough to save him." Aj's lower lip quivered. "You could've saved us both, I'm—I'm sorry. I'm sorr—"
"Stop that." Steve said firmly and pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest and he rested his chin on top of her head. Steve had thought about it before. He had wondered what would've happened if they had just been a little quicker, if the timeline had just been a little different, but never, never, did he ever paint Aj in any sort of negative light. "Aj, literally none of that is your fault. You couldn't control that. It was out of your hands." She mumbled something, but Steve didn't catch it even with his super hearing. It had been too muffled against him. He sighed and pulled her back some to look her in the eyes. With alcohol in her system and her walls not quite as tightly held up as they usually were, all he could see in her eyes was pain. He cupped her face, "It wasn't your fault. What even brought this on?"
Aj pressed her lips together once before speaking, "Granny is here an' I love her an' I love that you brought her back to me, but it jus'…it reminds me that I hurt the people I love, Steve. It's what I do an—an' I don't wanna hurt y'all." Aj's eyes filled with tears and she shook her head, "I hurt Bucky and—"
"No, Aj. No." Steve sighed and shifted his hand to cover her mouth briefly. When he was sure she would stop talking he pulled her hand away, "You aren't going to hurt us. You didn't hurt Bucky, I swear to you and… and I don't want you thinking like that. Hell, I can guarantee you that Bucky wouldn't want you thinking that way either."
She pressed forward, back into his arms, and Steve just wrapped his own around her. He leaned his cheek on the top of her head and let his hands go back to tracing faint lines up and down her back. He let out a soft sigh. Sometimes, when she danced around the room mumbling a song or laughed at Clint or smiled so brightly that Steve was sure it had to be illegal to look so much like walking sunshine, they only saw progress. The saw her healing, and she was. She was doing so well, but in a moment like this he knew they were only scratching the top of the surface. Aj was so strong, but she was still hurting.
"You aren't hurting anyone, Aj. I'd be lying if I said you weren't one of the best things to happen to me in this century." Steve said softly. He wasn't sure how she handled a hangover and wasn't sure if she would even remember this moment. "And we're going to find Bucky. We're going to find him, and he can tell you himself that you never hurt him. That you could never."
Steve could feel the tension begin to leave her frame and her breathing was calming. There was a decent chance she was falling asleep standing up at this point. He really needed to get her to bed. Steve traced her spine with his hand one more time and the thought that those faintly raised edges under her shirt that could be scars. He wanted to press his palm flat against her back, feel exactly how bad the possible scar was, but that would be a huge invasion of privacy. Aj didn't want to talk about it yet so he would leave it alone. Steve just hoped she'd open up to someone eventually.
I woke up a with a groan and mentally planned to fist fight whoever convinced me to take ten shots of worse and worse liquors. Granted, that meant I would probably be fist fighting myself, but I've been wanting to do that for years. I opened my eyes to a bright room then immediately shut them and buried my face into the pillow I had been sleeping on. It smelled like Steve so I assumed at some point last night he had dragged my drunk ass to bed. After leaving my face buried in the pillow for a good ten or fifteen minutes, I forced myself to emerge. The room was bright, after a few minutes my eyes finally adjusted.
I glanced over at the nightstand to see a brand-new water bottle resting by a bottle of ibuprofen. A small smile graced my hungover features and I happily grabbed both items. Food would also help the shitty way I felt, but I figured after I got myself together I could go find Granny and we could do breakfast or lunch together. As I sat there, after taking three pills, nursing the water in my hands, I tried to piece together my last memories of last night. Vaguely, I remembered winning the game last night, but that was the last concrete memory I had.
"Hey, how's the head?" I turned and Steve stepped into the room a sweaty mess. Sometimes I wondered what kind of work out he did in the morning to leave him looking like this. I mean, fighting with me, Clint, and Sam for an hour didn't even faze him.
I lifted the water bottle with a grimace of a smile, "Thanks for the meds and water, Steve. You're the best."
"I know." Steve joked and walked closer, a water bottle of his own in his hands. He nodded out the door, "Happy brought Rosie this morning then took Peter home. She's upstairs."
"Oof. I need to get ready then." I groaned and rubbed my eyes.
Steve chuckled, "You wanna take a shower?"
As he opened the bottle and began to take a sip, I smirked and replied, "Rogers, you trying to get me in there with you?"
Watching Captain America choke on his water was definitely one of the funnier things I've experienced in my life. Despite the fact that moving made my headache worse, I couldn't stop the body shaking laughter that fell from my lips. Steve coughed loudly to clear his throat, narrowing his eyes at me, and I laughed even more.
"Funny." He pointed the water bottle at me.
"Oh, Steve, you make it too easy sometimes." I grinned. "Besides, it's your bathroom. You should take a shower first. Of the two of us, you're the one sweaty and smelly."
Steve's lips quickly quirked up into a smirk but was gone just as quick as it came. He reached up to use the towel hanging on his shoulder to wipe some sweat from his face then took a deep breath before walking closer. I gave him a curious look that he ignored. Steve suddenly leaned down into my personal space. His face was close enough that my eyes briefly went crossed as they tried to follow him in.
"The thing is", Steve said in a low voice, a full smirk on his face now, "Maybe I was trying to get you in there with me."
Maybe it was the heat radiating off of him, but my entire face went warm. Hell, I could feel the warmth flush down my neck as well. I think I was still breathing, but there was really no telling at this point.
"I, uh, I—you." I eloquently stumbled over my words.
Steve pulled back suddenly. His own cheeks were flushed, probably from his work out, and he chuckled, "Who makes it too easy?"
"Hoo boy. You…" I bit down on my lower lip, scrunching up my nose, then shook my head with a laugh, "Captain Rogers, I thought you said you had no game?"
Steve shrugged with a smile, "Guess I did learn a thing or two watching Bucky pick up all those dames."
At the sound of that name another vague memory drifted through my head. I scrunched my eyebrows together in thought, "Steve, did we…?"
"Talk about Bucky last night?" Steve finished my thought. My eyes widened and he gave me a small nod, "He came up, yeah."
I shook my head, "Shit, I don't remember anything we talked about last night. I know it had something to do with Bucky and…maybe stars…" I shifted to get out of bed, "What did we talk about?"
"Uh…" Steve hesitated.
I groaned, "Oh, geez, was it that bad?"
He chuckled and shook his head. Steve held out his hand and without hesitation I placed mine in his much larger one. He pulled me up then squeezed my hand once, mulling something over in his head, before speaking again, "Bucky slipping away from us in Russia… You know that had nothing to do with you, right?"
My eyes widened. Aw, shit. Sober me spent so much time making sure that back door in my brain wasn't going to open again, and dumbass, drunk me just kicked the chair out and swung it wide open. Drunk Aj was always such a dick to sober Aj.
"Oh." I said slowly. "Logically, I know that. Sometimes, I guess I just…"
"Blame yourself for everything? Even things entirely out of your control?"
I gave him a sad smile, "Bad habits die hard?"
"And—"
"Jesus, there's more?"
Steve chuckled and squeezed my hand once more, "I just wanted to tell you how happy I am to be your friend." I could feel my features softening. What brought this on? What had I said last night to him? "You won't hurt me." Oh, that. "And even if you did, which again there's no way you'd ever purposely hurt me—I know that…I think the risk might be worth it. To have you in my life."
My face was burning again and this time I didn't even have the excuse of saying Steve was in my face. This was purely an emotional embarrassment. My favorite kind. I don't know what made drunk me think to talk about all this last night, especially since we had been having so much fun, but I was mentally swearing off shots. Swearing off alcohol in general would be unrealistic of me.
"Steve, I'd never purposely hurt you, but… I don't know." I said softly. God, this was a million times harder sober. No wonder I only talked about this kind of shit while I was plastered. I sucked in a sharp breath, "I'm kind of like a poison, I just—"
Steve did potentially the most surprising thing at that point. He spun around me, hooked my arm over his shoulder, and then Captain America flipped me over his shoulder. Literally. His first motion had made it so I was flipped onto the bed, but it was jarring all the same. Breathlessly, I stared up at his features that were now upside down to me.
"What did Nat say about talking shit about yourself?"
"To not to." I said in disbelief. He had flipped me. Steve had actually flipped me.
"JARVIS, are Thor and Jane still in Aj's room?" Steve asked.
"Not at the moment, Captain. The entire floor is vacant. Even Ms. Lewis has left the premises."
Steve smirked, "Your shower is open. Don't wanna keep Rosie waiting too long, huh?" He tapped my forehead with his finger once. "You make us happy here, Aj. Don't overthink it."
He left for his bathroom, and I just laid there on his bed in shock. It wasn't until his shower started that I snapped out of my disbelief. Quickly, I rolled back off the bed, flinching when the quick movements made my head throb, and glanced around the room for my bag. Hindsight, at least Natasha hadn't been the one to flip me this time. She definitely wouldn't have utilized the bed at all.
"I may have grabbed her number last night after taking her home. Just casually, you know. Playing it cool."
"I didn't know you had a cool bone in your body."
"Oh, ha ha. Not all of us can be billionaire playboys."
"The word genius and philanthropist should be somewhere in the middle of that."
Rhodey chuckled to himself as he watched Tony antagonize poor Happy. Next to tinkering in the lab and drinking, it was one of his best friend's favorite hobbies. One of those hobbies though was the reason why Tony was chipper as ever this morning while Rhodey nursed a small headache behind his eyes. It had been a minute and a half since he had drank like he did last night. Still, he beat out Sam and Darcy so there was that, though losing to someone Aj's size was a little embarrassing.
"Tones, would you—" He began.
Tony lifted his finger to stop his words, "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't speak traitor."
"Are you still on that?" Rhodey chuckled.
"I lost to a 3rd grader and a five foot three girl who probably wasn't even seeing straight at that point. All because of you."
Rhodey scoffed, "You should take a little more credit on that loss. If you hadn't—"
"You saved yourself every single time—"
"—just because you don't know how to strategize—"
"—and another thing, how are you gonna—"
The lab door opened making all three men look over to see Bruce standing there with Rosie. He had on his lab coat already, probably ready to play catch up on some things he had put aside to spend time with Betty, and Rosie wore jeans and a Christmas sweater.
"Sorry to interrupt." Bruce chuckled, knowing damn well nothing he interrupted was important in any way, "Rosie wanted to say hi while she waits for Aj to get ready."
"Morning, Rosie." Rhodey greeted with a smile that Happy echoed.
Tony shook his head, "Sunshine Senior, it's a little early for the Christmas sweater."
"Mr. Stark", Rosie began, ignoring when Tony corrected her usage of his name, "The moment Thanksgiving supper ends, it's Christmas season."
"That doesn't sound accurate." Tony shook his head.
Rhodey grinned, "Well, I like it, Rosie. Christmas season is my favorite."
"Of course, it is, traitor. Just keep betraying me. See what happens." Tony grumbled.
"Ignore him." Rhodey followed his own advice and continued, "He's bitter because Aj kicked his ass last night at his own game."
Rosie's eyes widened, "She beat you in that shots competition?"
"No, no, no." Tony was quick to correct, "She beat me at werewolf, not drinking, and even the werewolf game is questionable. I think she cheated."
Rosie shook her head, "Oh, no. Not my Aimee Jane. Cheating is worse than losing in her eyes, and she really hates losing." Bruce set a hand on her shoulder, mumbling a good-bye, but Rosie wouldn't let him slip away so easily. She herded him back to the others, "Before you go, Dr. Banner, I wanted to say something to all of you."
The curiosity of every man in the lab had been piqued and they paid attention to the older woman. She clasped her hands together in front of her and pasted a warm, sweet smile on her soft features, "I am so grateful for all of you taking Aimee Jane under your wings. I was hoping to express my gratitude to more of you, but I'm sure you can pass along my thanks."
"Without a doubt." Tony replied.
Rhodey, knowing full well that Tony would be content with sharing the thanks with maybe Pepper and then rubbing it in Clint's face, nodded himself, "I'll make sure the thanks gets passed along."
"Also, one more thing, I know all of you are these amazing Avengers—"
Tony pointed to Happy and Rhodey, "They aren't Avengers and the word amazing might be a stretch—"
Ignoring Tony's words, while Happy and Rhodey glared at Tony, Rosie continued without missing a beat or letting her smile falter, "But if anything were to happen to Aimee Jane, whether she get caught up in your business or, God forbid, was hurt by any of you specifically, I will come back up to New York City to murder you."
The men in the room blinked in shock and questioned whether or not they were even hearing her correctly. Bruce cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, did you just say—"
"I never had children of my own, but by all counts and measures she's my baby girl." Rosie said firmly. "I know I probably wouldn't get away with murdering an Avenger, but I'm an old woman. I've lived my life. I have nothing to lose."
Tony smirked, "Rosie, you're a badass. Do you want to be an honorary Avenger? I'll grab the paperwork."
Rhodey smiled to himself as Rosie continued to chat with Tony and Bruce, Happy joining in anytime Tony made a dig at him. It took some balls to threaten the Avengers. Balls or some real strong motherly love. Rhodey understood it though. He could see it in the way Rosie cooed over Aj last night, and how anytime she introduced her to someone or did something, Aj would look to Rosie like a child looking for their mother's proud approval. Tony had filled him in on the details of the small woman. Hell, Tony never shut up about Aj. Rhodey understood that too. Tony found someone like him. Aj lost her mother in a tragic accident, something that shouldn't have happened, and had a father that only left her with disappointment at the end. He was sure they both loved their fathers, Rhodey knew Tony loved his dad despite the shit he was put through, but that couldn't be helped sometimes. Disappointment was still the theme with both figures. Plus, just like Tony, Aj hid her scars and emotional vulnerability through snark and smirks. Watching Aj last night, it reminded him of the Tony he met in University. Tony had latched onto her so quickly because he found a similar soul in her and he was desperately trying to keep her from making the mistakes he did.
It also didn't help that anytime Tony saw someone with a shitty father or without a strong, male role model in their life his paternal instincts kicked into high gear.
"—she was very pretty." Rosie said with a nod as Rhodey focused back in on the conversation. Bruce was snickering into his hand.
Tony pointed to Happy, "Well, the good news is that Happy played it really cool—"
"Why do you do this to me?" Happy scoffed.
Rhodey chuckled himself and through the glass walls he could see Aj walk out of the elevator while talking to Natasha. He pointed her out and Rosie began to say her good-byes. She'd see Happy again, he would take her to the private jet later today, but this was probably the last time she'd see him, Tony, and Bruce until her next visit.
Despite, Tony and Bruce being more in Aj's life than him, she still took the time to pull him into a hug. He returned it, rubbing her back slightly. Rhodey nodded at her when she pulled away, "Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on her."
Rosie said one more good-bye before leaving the lab. Rhodey had just met Aj yesterday, but he meant his words sincerely. He didn't know the woman well yet. Only knew the stories and facts Tony would spout to him, but she was an important person in Tony's life and that was all that mattered. Taking care of the people Tony cared about went hand in hand with protecting Tony. It was a habit he made in University and it only grew as they did. Between him and the actual Avengers, Aj was probably the most protected person on planet Earth.
There was a chill in the air, one I had gotten used to years ago, but I knew Granny was new to this kind of weather. It was why I brought my thick, gray peacoat for her to wear while we toured the city. She had her own windbreaker, but the windbreaker was no match for New York weather.
We had gotten lunch at one of the places I went to pick up food for Tony and others during the week. Being able to treat Rosie to a fancy, New York lunch was a dream come true. I made sure we sat at a nice table with the best view, and then when we finished and left I continued the trend by buying her coffee and nearly every souvenir we passed. It was such a little thing to do, nothing compared to what she's done for me, but it felt nice to be able to finally provide something to the woman who had saved my life all those years ago.
"I'm so proud of you, Aimee Jane." Granny said softly. We were sitting on a bench in Central Park just continuing to catch up and enjoy each other's company.
My head had been resting on her shoulder when she spoke, but I picked it up to look at her. She was smiling at me and even though she had said the words aloud to me, I was still surprised to see nothing but pride drawn out on her features.
"Granny, I made a lot of stupid mistakes—"
"Silly girl, everyone makes mistakes. It's not about the mistakes. It's about how you handle the life that is put in front of you." Granny replied, her arm was looped through mine and she tightened the grip, "I look at the path you've had to walk. I see the trauma and the pain and battles and mistakes and the heartache… You've been through things no human should have to go through—things that would leave others on the floor in a shattered mess, but not you." She beamed at me while she spoke. "My brave, strong girl. No matter how many times this world wrongs you, hurts you, you get back up and you keep walking."
I pulled my hand out of Bucky's jacket pocket to grab her arm and squeeze it, "I almost didn't, Granny. I was so tired. I didn't tell you—I didn't want to make you… Granny, in Russia, I gave up. That last fight, I thought it was the end. I just wanted to fall and lay there forever. If Bucky hadn't been there—"
"You say that but look at you." Granny chuckled. "As tired as you were, as much as you wanted to, you didn't stay down. And yes, maybe it was because Bucky Barnes was there, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting someone help you stand back up. We're human. Sometimes, we need that helping hand. It doesn't diminish what you went through." She reached forward with her other hand to cup my face, "Calling out for help, reaching out to someone to help you off the floor, it doesn't make you weak. Asking for help, letting someone in to help you pick up the pieces of what you used to be, is the strongest thing you can do."
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat at her words, "What if they look at me differently? I don't want to be pitied."
"I think you're confusing pity with love." Granny replied. "You look in their eyes and you expect pity so when the sadness forms you assume that's what it is, but, sweetie, to share that kind of pain with someone… The sadness is there because there is love there."
"But—"
Granny chuckled, "If Tony Stark or Clint Barton or Natasha, Steve, Bruce, Sam—if anyone that lives in that Tower with you came to you, shared their pain, and asked for help… would you pity them?" I shook my head. The logical side of my stupid brain knew that. I knew it. So why was it so hard to wrap my heart around that idea? "Ask for help. I think you'll be surprised with what you find."
I nodded once, a smile brightening my face again, "God, where have you been the last ten years?" Granny scoffed and flicked my ear making me laugh. I had made a lot of dumb mistakes in my life, it was kind of my go-to move, but ignoring Granny had been the biggest, dumbest of them all. "Do you have to leave today?"
"I do. I have obligations back home." Granny replied sadly. "Did you know Mr. Stark offered to buy me an apartment here?"
I wanted her to take that offer. Hell, if she wasn't comfortable with letting Tony pay for it, I'd use my own damn paycheck to do it. However, I knew how Granny felt on the subject of moving.
"Florida and New York aren't all that different. If Florida is America's basement then maybe New York is it's attic?" I joked. Granny rolled her eyes at me. Ages ago, Granny had lived in Florida with the love of her life. They had been high school sweethearts who married the moment they graduated. I had seen pictures of her late husband and her. I wasn't sure of my opinion on soulmates, but that was the only word I could use to describe them. She had lost him to a car accident nearly thirty years ago now. She moved to Alabama shortly after, unable to stay in the home they shared, but I knew her plan was to one day go back. When she finally left Alabama, it'd be to go back to that home they shared. "I'll really miss you."
"Well now that I'm back you won't be getting rid of me that easily." Granny replied with ease. "Phone calls, texts, and visits. I'll be back for Christmas."
I chuckled, "I could also come back down to 'bama to visit you. It'd be kind of fun to drag Tony down there. He might die of shock." Granny didn't laugh at my joke and she also got a hesitant look on her face. I raised an eyebrow at her, "What?"
"As much as I'd love to have you come back, you should know…" Granny sighed, "Aubrey is back."
Suddenly the air around us didn't feel so cold. Not with the way ice filled my veins at that simple statement. It had felt like someone had sucker punched me in the diaphragm leaving me breathless and aching. As someone who had literally been hit like that before, on multiple occasions, I could say that this was somehow worse though. At least the physical version of this faded faster.
"W—What?"
"Aubrey came back to Summerbrooke. She lives there with her children."
My brain felt like it was tumbling inside my skull. Children? As in more than one? I shook my head quickly, "She was pregnant when she left it was—the one. The one kid—"
"His name is Peter." Granny began to pull out her phone, "He's ten now. Nearly eleven. Then she had a set of twins about six years ago. Tyler and Taylor."
She pulled up a picture then turned the phone around for me to see. Aubrey was in the picture, beautiful as ever, though she looked older. Her dirty blonde hair fell well past her shoulders in soft waves. Aubrey's features were soft and kind as always. Of the two of us, Aubrey always looked more like mom. She was gorgeous. On her left was a ten-year-old kid with shaggy brown hair and gray eyes behind a pair of wire rimmed glasses. Then to her left were the twins. Both were adorable with bright grins, blonde hair and wide blue eyes just like their mother.
"When was this picture taken?"
Granny pulled her phone back, "About a week ago."
"How long has she been there?"
She hesitated again, "The twins were born there."
I felt nauseous. Granny began to rub my back gently. Aubrey was just happily living in Summerbrooke, our childhood town, with her children. Summerbrooke hadn't been good enough when she abandoned me, but I guess it was a superb place to raise her children. Suddenly, I was in that room again. The foster room, sitting in the dark, after she left crying my eyes out. I wasn't good enough to stick around for but—
"Aimee Jane." Granny pulled me out of my thoughts. She sighed, "Aubrey was hoping to talk to you. I think a part of it is because…well, the day is coming up." I knew exactly what day Granny was talking about. I never forgot that day, I just let it hide in the back of my head until it arrived and kicked my teeth in. "…but I told her you needed to come to her first."
"Does she know about…?" I questioned.
Granny shook her head, "As far as she knows, she thinks you've graduated medical school and are just working up here."
"Please don't—"
"You know I won't say a thing." Granny shook her head. "I just wanted you to know."
I nodded and Granny pulled me back into her side. Quickly, I set aside this news to digest later. Granny would be leaving later, and I didn't want to ruin today by worrying about anything else.
Thor, Jane, and Darcy had left. Jane and Darcy going back to Nevada where they were currently doing work and Thor back to Asgard or some other space place. This meant I had my apartment back which was nice. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I spent an hour here alone. Granny had gone back to Alabama too. The holidays were technically over now. After the weekend, it'd be back to work as per usual.
I sat on the floor, legs stretched out, staring at a photo sitting by my phone. Before Granny left I asked her to text me the picture she had showed me. She warned me against it, but I pleaded. Now, I just sat in my room letting my eyes bounce between the picture of me and Aubrey as kids and the picture of her with her own kids. I was an Aunt. That was a weird thought. I guess I technically had always been since the oldest kid was born ten years ago, but it was only really registering now. I was an Aunt and she wanted to talk to me. It was probably to make amends. I couldn't think of any other reason for it.
Despite sitting here for the past two hours, just staring and lost in my thoughts, nothing was any clearer to me. I had even cancelled Netflix night with Steve. I felt bad about that, but I just didn't have the energy to try and not show the turbulence in my brain right now. He would just worry. I guess that was kind of what Granny was talking about earlier though.
I didn't hear my elevator open or someone walking to my room, but I could feel eyes staring at me. I glanced up from my floor to see Clint leaning against my doorframe with his arms crossed and a concerned look on his face.
"Hey, kid." He said softly. "You ok?"
"No." I answered honestly, and his eyebrows rose in surprise. I guess he didn't expect me to be up front about it. "How did you know?"
Clint sighed, rubbing the back of his head, "Well, don't be mad, but Tony kind of has this program set up for you." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. He continued, "It's to monitor your vitals. He has one for Steve and Bruce too. Silver Alert and Jolly Green. Lets us know if Steve is having a really bad nightmare or if Bruce is starting to hulk out."
I chuckled, "What's mine called?"
"Setting Sun." Clint smirked, but it wasn't an amused one. There was a beat of silence where I glanced back down at the pictures. Clint cleared his throat, "Anything you wanna talk about? Despite being deaf, I hear I'm a very good listener."
I laughed again, dryly, and shrugged, "I should. Granny says I should. She moved on with her life maybe I just need to suck it up and do it too."
"Rosie?"
"No, Aubrey." I corrected. Clint sucked in a sharp breath then crossed the room to sit beside me. He had on his pajamas, a ratty pair of plaid pants and black t-shirt with a hole at the shoulder and bottom hem. He leaned his back against my bed, like I was, and motioned to the pictures. I nodded once and he took them from me to look them over. "She has kids. Cute kids. Aubrey is living in our hometown again. She wants to talk to me. Bury the hatchet or whatever, I guess."
Clint nodded and clicked my phone to turn the screen dark. He then turned slightly to set both items on my bed and out of view. He rested his arms on his knees, "You don't owe her that. I know she's your sister and you love her, despite everything, but don't make a decision like that based off what you think is an obligation. Aj, you don't owe her shit."
"I know." I replied, and it was true. I did know that, but…what he said was still true. Despite it all, despite the anger and the hurt, I still loved Aubrey. I spent years trying to force myself to hate her, convincing myself I did, but all I had to do was look at her picture once and I knew the truth. Aubrey had abandoned me, carved my heart out with her bare hands and left me bleeding, but I would still take a bullet for her. "She's made a good life for herself and her kids. She moved past her own trauma and created something."
Clint shook his head, "You've made a life for yourself too." He motioned around himself. "This is your life, we are your family, and you've done real good for yourself, kid. Fuck the white picket fence house in lower Alabama. You got a billionaire wrapped around your pinky, a master assassin to paint your nails, a radioactive, green giant who has your back, and a thawed out grandpa to watch Netflix with. Plus, I guess Sam too." I laughed and he grinned. "And better than all that, you have the greatest archer in the entire universe ready to throw hands with anyone who even looks at you wrong."
I shook my head with a small smile, "I appreciate you guys so much, you know that right? Everything you've done for me… I really thought I'd end up in a dirty ditch dead before I hit 30." Clint frowned at that. "I just hate that despite everything you've done I'm still struggling. I hate that I can't just be healed."
"Aj, healing isn't something you can do overnight." Clint said softly. "It takes years and even then sometimes you'll have a day that feels like you stumbled back ninety steps. That's what healing is. It has it's ups and downs, but you keep pushing forward despite that."
Clint reached out and set his hand on the back of my head with a reassuring smile. Healing had ups and downs, but you had to keep moving forward. I had come a long way from the start. I had good days and bad days, but I kept pushing. Now though, I was at a standstill. I had come as far as I could with what I was prepared to deal with. This next part, it would be the hardest part to walk through, but if I didn't climb over this wall then I would have no more path to take. And yeah, maybe I'd get knocked down, but… that's what they were here for, right? To help me get back up?
"It's not weak to ask for help." I mumbled mostly to myself.
Clint, catching what I said with ease, nodded, "Of course, it isn't. Aj, we want you to ask for help. If you need us, just put up that white flag, kid. We'll be there in less than a second."
I lifted my hand to pull his hand away from my head and slowly turned around to put my back to him. If Clint was confused, he didn't voice it. Right now, I had on my sleep shirt and shorts which made this a lot easier since I usually didn't sleep with any sort of bra on. Taking in a shaky breath, I pulled my knees into my chest and wrapped my arms tightly around them while resting my cheek on my knees to stare at a blank spot on the wall to my left.
"Pull up my shirt, Clint." I said.
Clint's hands didn't shake like mine were. His fingers were warm against my skin as he dragged my shirt up. When the shirt rose high enough his hand froze. The only reaction I could gather from him was a sharp inhale and his fingers tensing around the balled-up portion of my shirt in his hand.
"I remember the reason for each one. That was his point though, I guess. He wanted me to remember." I said in a steady voice. My hands and body might be shaking, but my voice didn't and I took pride in that little victory. "The first one was because I told him to 'fuck off'. I had only been working for him around three months at that point. I didn't do that again." I felt his other hand trace the slightly raised scars and I had to press my lips together once before continuing, "The eighth, ninth, and tenth mark were actually the same thing. A testament to my poor decision-making skills. He kept telling me to throw fights, and I always planned to do it to avoid…you know…but once I was in the ring, I couldn't do it. Boss stopped asking though. Figured he could just work it and get more money off me winning if he played his cards right." The only thing I could hear in the room was my own voice and the beating of my heart. "Mark 22, he got drunk and tried to kiss me. I punched him in the face and then he carved that line. Mark 28, hah, shit, I didn't even do anything for mark 28. He just said he didn't like odd numbers and carved it in." The more I talked, the memory of the knife in my skin started to form at the front of my mind and I didn't like that. I didn't like remembering the way his cold blade felt. "The last mark, number 34, was actually right before I met you guys. Remember I fractured my ankle and was out of the ring for a little over three weeks? He was pissed about it, as if it was my fault some newbie jackass curb stomped my ankle… He cut me for missing those fights."
Clint suddenly dropped my shirt and I couldn't feel his hands on me anymore. This was it. This was the part where I needed to turn around and face him. I couldn't take back what I just did, what I just said. I had reached the top of that tall, traumatic wall and now it was time to fall back onto this new path of healing. I just wondered how bad I was going to hit the ground. I'd leave a crater around me this time for sure, maybe shatter into more pieces than I knew possible.
Falling was always the easy part though.
I forced myself to turn around to look at him. Clint didn't meet my eyes. His elbow was resting on my bed, his hand covering his mouth as he clenched his jaw. The archer was as tense as the string of a bow right before the arrow was fired. His gaze was burning, glazed over, as he stared straight ahead. Almost through me.
Hesitantly, I opened my mouth to say his name, but nothing came out so I just dumbly closed it again. Clint took in one more slow, steadying breath. His body didn't move, but his eyes snapped up to meet mine and I watched the rage turn into an aching sadness.
It felt like Boss traced his hands up my spine in that moment, pressed his lips to my ear, while whispering venom in it.
Pity. Pity. Look at all that pity. He can see how pathetic you are.
For the first time though, Boss' ugly voice was chased away by the warm one that used to whisper kind words to me when I was a kid. Granny filled my chest with warmth.
No. Not pity. Never pity. That's pain. That's love.
Clint dropped his hand, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he slowly shook his head. Just like Granny's voice whispered, I could see it. He was hurting for me. Clint was shouldering the pain I went through. He was softening the blow of that tragic fall. So instead of hitting the ground at a million miles per hour and shattering into a billion pieces that scattered in the wind, I had a buffer. I still fell. I still hit the ground, and it still hurt like hell. But where I should've been shattered, I was just cracked.
Just cracked.
I lunged forward, into his arms, and Clint didn't hesitate to pull me tight against his chest. He buried one hand into my hair, against my neck, and just let me cry into his shoulder while his other hand pressed firmly against the scars that lined my back. This was something I could recover from. How could I not? I had a helping hand to pull me back up.
