Chapter 24.
I'm bathing on a hot spring, trying to get rid of all the dirt and blood marring my skin, yet somehow I feel filthier and filthier the longer I keep scrubbing. It's still dark out here, which means probably not more than a couple of hours have passed since the revolution ended. Or should I say massacre? I killed all those soldiers practically single-handedly, and how many there were? A couple hundred? More, even?
I try telling myself I didn't mean to do it. That my powers are unpredictable, and it simply was an unfortunate accident, but… well, that's highly debatable. While, yes, I never consciously thought about killing anyone, my magic sometimes seem to respond to my darker, hidden desires; things I would never admit I have contemplated doing, and yet have appeared on my dreams, or even in seemingly random, sudden thoughts.
Maybe father was right. Maybe I am as dangerous as he feared. Maybe I would have ended up killing my entire family if I had stayed. Maybe I am a monster. Maybe all ice-wielders are.
A sob shakes me, and suddenly I'm crying violently, curled up on myself as if trying to get some sort of comfort. But what comfort can I get, really? They are dead! I killed them! I'm a monster! A sick, violent, savage monster!
I double my scrubbing efforts, this time even using my nails, not caring at all that my skin is reddening to a point where it looks I'm actually tearing it apart. A few scratches appear on it, and blood comes out of them. But I don't care about that, and I don't care for the pain. I deserve it! I deserve it and so much more!
My tears continue flowing, mixing with the hot water, and I keep bawling until my throat gets sore, and I start choking on my sobs.
The only thing that's able to snap me out of my crying is the sound of ice cracking.
Ice!
I look up, discovering I accidentally froze the hot spring, and quickly recoil in fear, half-expecting someone to come out from behind some rock and punish me for using magic. But after a few seconds looking around in tense silence, I realize how ridiculous that is. The soldiers are dead, and my parents, or any other Arendellian citizen, are all on the other side of the wall. For the first time in my life, I have nothing to hide. Nothing to fear.
As the realization sinks in, my sobs start to slow. Why should I be sad, or ashamed, after all? It wasn't me who ripped hundreds of people from their homes, tortured them and kept them oppressed for almost twenty years. I didn't kill defenseless people whose only crime was to have magic. I never denied anyone from using a part of them as vital as breathing.
No, they did. And now they are either dead or far away from us. They can't harm us, and if I have any say on it, they will never even get to cross that wall again. They hate us? Good, we'll never have anything to do with them again! We'll build our own nation, one without prejudice or hate; one where ice-wielders and normal people will live in peace and cooperate to build a better place.
Maybe Hans is a bit of an extremist, and so is his group, but… they chose me as their Queen. No. Everyone bowed to me, recognizing me as their legitimate ruler. I now have the power to make change a reality; to make my dreams come true. No one could ever stop me. I'm free!
Invigorated by this feeling of freedom and hope I'm experiencing from the first time in my life, I get up from the spring and walk out of it, making an ice dress materialize over my previously naked body, completed with a cape. My hair, on the other hand, I let it fall free as I get out of the secret cave and start running up the mountain with sudden energy and euphoria, all the way shooting blasts of ice and making snowflakes appear out of thin air just because I can.
Finally, when I get out of breath, I stop, only to realize the sun is already starting to rise and… I'm almost on top of the mountain, having made an ice path and stairs to facilitate my assent. But I'm still too excited by my newfound freedom and power to stop now! Fortunately, the breathtaking landscape gives me an idea.
Here, surrounded by tall mountains and overlooking the entirety of the Northern Lands, feeling the cold northern breeze hit my face gently, I can't help thinking this is the perfect spot for building a palace.
Sure, it's too far off from any village to be practical, but it gives us an advantageous point of view, in case of an invasion, and if it's large enough, it could even be seen from Arendelle, scaring them further and preventing them from attacking.
So, stomping hard on the ground, I make a giant snowflake appear, together with the rest of the palace's ground. And then I make the columns, lifting myself up to the first floor. Ideas keep swirling in my mind, making themselves a reality with just a flick of my fingers, and sooner than I would have thought to be possible, I'm standing in the middle of a magnificent room with icy blue walls, a balcony and a giant chandelier, which all do an amazing job reflecting the pink and yellow sunlight of the morning sun.
I imagine from the outside, it looks like a shining star, and I laugh happily, relishing on this rare moment of joy and freedom, and hoping it will never end.
"Elsa?" Anna calls me, startling me out of my memory and making me look up at her. We're on the carriage, still, and on our way to Nordfkerk, but I've been in my own world ever since we captured that Northerner. I'm not gonna lie, this sudden rush of memories is overwhelming, and Anna seems to have noticed, because she's staring at me with worry.
"Uh… yes?" I answer, trying to appear calm.
"We're here." She simply says, and I look out of the window to see that, effectively, we've stopped in front of a wooden two-floored building. I assume it's an inn of sorts, though it's rather small.
"Right." I nod, and I'm about to get up, when Anna's hand stops me.
"Wait, are you feeling okay? You're acting funny." I sigh at her words. Of course she noticed.
"I'm fine, just… let's get in and then I'll explain everything." I say, trying to sound reassuring.
"Alright." She nods, still a little unconvinced. "Come on."
We descend from the carriage, and I notice the streets and houses are covered in snow; probably a side effect of being so near to the Northern Lands. It's already dark, and the wind blows fiercely, making the soldiers escorting us shiver slightly. Thankfully, Anna and I are both immune to cold so, though do I feel a light tingling in my skin due to the low temperatures, it doesn't bother me at all.
Still, the inside of the inn, filled with warm light, the sound of various voices and even music, looks a lot more welcoming that the harsh winter of outside, so we quickly hurry to get in; first Anna, and then me, followed by Kristoff and another guard (the others are going to take the prisoners to the local prison first).
As soon as we set foot in the place, a burly man with a long, blonde beard, who was previously standing behind the counter, rushes to great us, making a courtesy to Anna almost immediately (which is actually quite comical, because he almost falls in the process).
"Your Majesty!" He exclaims as he straightens up, sporting a bright smile on his face. That's when I notice he's bald, but wears a woolen hat to cover his lack of hair, and his features are rather rough, but his red face and exaggerated manners makes you like him in an instant. "I was informed you would come to the town, but I never expected you to come to my little inn! If only I had known, I would have taken some more time to tidy it all up!"
I look around, letting Anna speak with him, as I take in my surroundings. Its' a rather small place, completely made of wood, except for the chimney and the stove, both of which are alit and provide the place with warmth and light. Apparently, the ground floor of the building is some kind of bar or restaurant, judging by the five or so people sitting on the tables and stool. I guess the rooms must be upstairs. At a corner, three musicians were playing their instruments in an upbeat tone; a lute, a violin and a cello, but I suppose they got tired, since they stopped… and are staring at me with wide eyes.
Come to think of it, now every person in here is looking in my direction, having fallen silent, and looking afraid and uncertain. Including the owner of the place.
"What is this Northerner doing here?!" He asks, his previous friendly and carefree demeanor completely gone, now being replaced by anger and weariness. I resist the urge to roll my eyes, and admit to myself he's a potential threat, so I put my guard up. To my right, I see Kristoff tense as well.
"She's with me." Anna explains, trying to remain calm, but her voice wavers slightly with insecurity. "She is the ambassador that will represent Arendelle's interests in the Northern Lands."
"I see." He nods, frowning as he keeps looking at me with hatred. For a second, it looks like he's about to protest, but he reminds himself that he's in front of the Queen, so he remains quiet for a moment before speaking again. "Your Majesty… look, the matters of state are none of my business, but I can't let a Northerner stay here, for the security and comfort of my other guests. I'm sure you understand."
"As a matter of fact, I don't." Anna clenches her fists, her jaw tense with barely contained anger. "Elsa won't harm anyone here, you have my word." He looks like he's about to protest again, but Anna quickly cuts him off before he can even open his mouth. "Is my word not enough?!" She says trough gritted teeth, and he actually takes a small step back.
"It is, your majesty, it is!" He quickly tries to placate her. "But you see, I don't have enough rooms for you, your soldiers and the Northerner." The man explains, but I have no doubt in my mind that he's lying.
Stupid Arendellians. I'm getting sick of them and their prejudice against my kind. I mean, it's not like I had some sort of contagious disease! Surely I deserve to be given a room and dinner like everyone else, right? Honestly, thought I would never admit it out loud, my heart stings a little every time someone actively discriminates against me just because of my powers.
"Oh, that's no problem at all!" Anna says, suddenly sounding so happy that we all stare at her in surprise. "Elsa and I will share a room, right?" She looks briefly at me, but doesn't even wait for an answer before taking my hand and dragging me upstairs. "Please make sure my guards also get a proper room and dinner!" She adds once we're halfway up the stairs, then snatches a key from one of the inn's staff and disappears with me inside a room before anyone can say anything about it. Granted, considering she's the Queen, I doubt anyone would have tried to stop her anyways.
Still, I think that was rather risky. I mean, what if the owner is so mad that he kills me in my sleep? Or poisons the food? More so, what if the room she took the key of is occupied?
Thankfully, it isn't. The room in question only has a tiny bed with a couple of cushions and heavy blankets to fight off the cold, and an even tinier wardrobe (probably just enough to hold two sets of folded clothes) which doubles its function as a night table. Aside from that, there's a half-consumed candle and a closed window… and a chamber pot, since apparently there's no bathroom. Oh well, I can't really complain. At least it looks clean, aside from a couple of spider webs, and it smells like tobacco, which isn't my favorite smell, but I guess it's preferable than some others.
"Well… it could be worse." Anna says, as if reading my mind, before taking off her shoes and launching herself to the bed. "Uhm. At least it's comfy… kind of."
"You know? If you want to get me in bed with you, that sentence isn't helping your cause." I decide to tease her as I also take my shoes off and sit down at the edge of the bed.
"Oh, I don't need any silly sentences to get you in bed with me." She answers with a mischievous smile, and before I can process what's happening, I feel her arms pull my waist until I'm laying down, and then in less than a second, Anna positions herself on top of me. "See?" She says, her face now so close I can feel her breath caressing my lips. I try to answer, maybe with a playful remark, but all that comes out from my throat is a squeal that's promptly silenced by Anna's lips.
I eagerly reciprocate the kiss, finding this new position to be quite arousing, especially with Anna's knee so close to my core. My skin is suddenly on fire, and a very pleasant sensation radiates from my lower parts. My hands don't hesitate to wrap themselves around Anna's waist and pull her closer to me, which she answers with an appreciative moan before moving her knee forward and pressing it against my groin.
Pleasure explodes right away, and I find myself moaning into Anna's mouth as well in the most embarrassing way. I can't bring myself to care, however, because soon she's unbuttoning my dress in order to access my neck, which she promptly starts kissing and biting. I close my eyes, enjoying the pleasure her actions give me, and wanting to lose myself in it. However, it seems like my mind has other ideas.
Just as it has happened every few minutes since our encounter with the Northerner, I start projecting into my head images from my newly recovered memories without even meaning to. It's like my brain is urging me to remember, to learn as much as I possibly can about myself before going to the Northern Lands. I try to fight it, and concentrate on Anna's actions, which are no doubt infinitely more pleasant, but as soon as I do that, I feel an empty pit on my stomach, and my hands start to feel clammy, like even my body is warning me not to ignore the memories.
Just as I start to debate with myself whether or not I should concentrate on trying to recover my memories, Anna pulls away and stares at me with worried eyes.
"You're not entirely here, are you?" She says. I consider lying for a moment, but deciding that would be unfair, I simply shake my head with a sigh. "Have you recovered more memories?"
"Yes." I answer hesitantly.
"Alright." She says, slightly disappointed, but trying to hide it behind a smile. Then, she gets up from the bed and moves to reach for the door. "I'll go get our luggage and ask for dinner to be brought up. When I come back, maybe we can talk about it over a hot meal?" I nod in answer and she smiles. "Great! I'll come back in a minute."
Before I can even process her words, she's out of the room, and her steps resonate down the wooden stair. I can only chuckle and shake my head in amusement at her energetic behavior. But as soon as my laughter starts, it ends. There's just too much going on inside my head! And to think I'll have to explain it to Anna… damn, I think I'm getting a headache. Must be because I've recovered too many memories in a short amount of time, and more are still fighting to surge!
For example, I remember having arrived to the main town on the Northern Lands about a day after building my Ice Palace. I decided to get back and be their Queen, convinced that no one else was better suited for the job, even if I was myself more than dubious about my skills as a ruler, having never been a leader to anyone. But at least I was smart, had read lots of books, and had compassion and care for both Northerners and Arendellians. But most importantly, I wanted peace.
When I arrived, Hans and his rebel companions greeted me with cheers and smiles, though I felt on my gut it was just a façade. Still, they helped me build an Ice Castle ten times smaller than the one I built on my own, where the coronation ceremony and the ensuing governing process would take place. They already had a priest, a crown and (I have no doubt) a ruler, and had invited the whole kingdom to witness this important event. Yet, when I showed up, they had no choice but to crown me, the most powerful ice-wielder and elected Queen, rather than however was going to be my replacement.
I remember being quite nervous when the crown was placed over my head, and even more when I had to turn around, face my people and give a little speech I hadn't even fully prepared.
"Uh… Alright." I say awkwardly as I stare at the hundreds of people who came all the way here to see me. All their eyes are fixed on me, some appearing curious and others doubtful. I bet they didn't expect their new Queen to be a sixteen-year-old girl. They probably expect me to fail. Oh God, what if I do fail?! I mean I can't even make a proper speech without being paralyzed by the terror.
Okay, I need to calm down. Come on, relax. Take a deep breath and… don't look at them.
I fix my eyes to a pillar in the distance, breath, try not to pay attention to my racing heart and sweaty palms, and finally start my speech.
"Fellow Northerners." I say loudly, thankful the way this courtyard is made facilitates my voice to be heard by everyone. "I'm sure you are all aware by now that I was the one who started the revolution… and also the one who ended it. You chose me as your Queen because of my great powers, but let me tell you, I will not rely on them during my reign." I pause, wanting to see the reactions to my words, but being too nervous about it to look at the crowd. "My mother once told me that power based on fear can't lead to anything good, and so I will just ask for your trust. Trust that I have your interests in mind and will do anything possible to turn the Northern Lands into a prosperous nation."
"I know you didn't expect me to be so young." I continue. "And I understand you have many concerns, but I will only ask you to give me an opportunity. If, in the future, you are not content with my decisions, come to me and express your concerns. Be assured: you will always be heard."
Okay… that's over with. Now comes the easy part; planning.
"My first act as Queen will be to appoint twelve representatives; one for each town of the Northern Lands. Their mission will be to observe and report to me at least once a month of any problems they notice. They will be elected by the inhabitants of each town, and will first tell me what their town can do to sustain itself. It could be anything; from fishing to mining or even selling ice. But it's important these activities are stablished as soon as possible." Here I make another pause, remembering what else I was supposed to say.
"Now, remember we're not part of Arendelle anymore, and in my kingdom, people with magic and those without coexist. I expect the relationship between you to be friendly and free of prejudice, and will not tolerate any form of aggression between the two groups. Such acts will be punished as crimes." I know it's very unlikely that Northerners suddenly start attacking each other, but there could be resentment towards non-ice-wielders, and I had to say it just in case. "Of course, all of this will be codified in a set of laws that you'll have to follow, and I will inform you about them as soon as they're made. Meanwhile just be aware that stealing, murdering, raping or hurting someone in any way will be severely punished."
"I would also like to remind you…" I keep talking after a brief pause, to allow them to take in my words. "We are not under the oppression of Arendelle's soldiers anymore, which means ice-wielders are free to use their magic however they want, so long they don't hurt anyone. In fact, I encourage those with magic to help your communities in any way possible; maybe making ice-houses, or tools for farming, or anything you may need. Just remember that, if you haven't used your powers in a long time, you might need some practice, which I suggest you do in solitary to avoid hurting someone." I breath out, feeling my muscles relaxing already now that I'm about to finish. "Well, that's all I have to say for now. If you have questions or want to suggest something, you know where to find me."
For a few agonizing seconds silence reigns within the courtyard, like they're still expecting something from me. I start fidgeting a bit, wondering what will happen now, until someone in the crowd finally shouts.
"Do some magic!"
And soon, everyone else is shouting the exact same thing, encouraging me to show them my power. I can't blame them; they have to make sure that I am the one they chose; that I'm just as powerful as they heard. And so, not wanting to disappoint them, I raise my hand and release a burst of magic, creating dozens of "fireworks" made of explosions of snow. To me it's an easy task, but for them is quite impressive, and they are all soon cheering and chanting my name.
"Long live Queen Elsa! Our savior!" The voices say.
A small smile appears on my lips, and I start thinking that maybe, being Queen won't be as difficult as I thought. It's like I was born to do this.
"Elsa?" I hear Anna enter our room, stopping me from remembering further. But that's okay; I'm sure I've already remembered enough. And besides, the food smells delicious. "Dinner is ready." She says cheerfully, stepping into the room before going to sit next to me on the bed. Behind her, the owner of the inn enters, carrying two plates of hot stew. "I figured it would be best if we eat here, so no one will bother you." She explains.
"That's great, thank you." I answer as I sit up and take my bowl from the man, who only glares briefly at me before turning to Anna and giving her the stew with a gentle smile. I fight the urge to make a remark about his behavior; nothing I say will make him treat me any better.
"I hope you enjoy your meal, your Majesty." He says with a reverence before going to leave the room. Once the door closes, I turn to Anna.
"Do you think he poisoned it?" I ask, half-joking, referring to my meal.
"No, I don't think so." She answers, taking a spoonful into her mouth. "I doubt he's that stupid."
"Do you think people like him will ever change their ideas about Northerners?" I sigh before taking the spoon into my mouth. Wow! This is actually pretty good! Though it has a little too much salt for my taste. But at least it's not too hot.
"I hope so." Anna says, but in her voice I can tell she seriously doubts it. Honestly, I can't blame her; I'm also quite pessimist about that. "Anyways, weren't you going to tell me about your memories?" She quickly changes the subject, which for once I appreciate.
"Oh, that's right!" I say. "Well, I guess the first thing you should now is… I'm the Ice Queen."
"Really?" Anna asks, her voice a mixture of excitement and caution. I nod, and proceed to tell her in detail all the events of my recent memories. I only stop to eat and when Anna asks me a question, but at the end, it's all clear, and she too is convinced I'm the Queen of the Northern Lands.
"Well? What do you think?" I ask when I finish. She hums in thought for a moment, frowning before responding.
"I think… that you were indeed the ruler of the Northern Lands, but something happened and you decided to go to Corona to ask for help, but when that didn't work, you came back to Arendelle and lost your memory." I nod; that's also what I thought. "It probably has something to do with that storm." She adds. "But I think we shouldn't worry about it right now, since you will probably know what really happened tomorrow. I bet there will even be a great celebration for your return!"
"We don't know that, Anna." I answer, cautiously, but also feeling better about my mission, since now I don't have to deal with any Ice Queen, but rather regain my title and ask what's going on. Then, I can sign a peace agreement with Anna and together we'll deal with whatever is happening over there.
"Even if someone else is in charge now, and isn't all that friendly to you, you are the most powerful ice-wielder ever seen, so it shouldn't be a problem for you to reclaim your throne." She shrugs. "There's only one thing that worries me though." Her gaze instantly turns serious and somber.
"What is it?" I ask, taking her hands between mine in a comforting gesture.
"That you…" She starts, but then pauses and sighs, avoiding my gaze as her expression turns sad. "Nothing, forget it."
"Anna, tell me." I demand. "Whatever it is, sharing it with me might help."
"But… it's silly, a-and… egotistical." She admits, pursing her lips.
"I promise I won't judge." I assure her, squeezing her hands for good measure, and smiling at her, even if her eyes are looking everywhere but me.
"Okay…" She says after a moment, still refusing to look me in the eyes. "I'm-afraid-you-will-recover-your-memory!" She bursts out rather quickly, and I have to take a few seconds to process her words. When I do, my eyebrows shot up to my hairline in surprise.
"Why?" I say, utterly confused. After all, all this time we've been trying to get back my memories.
"I told you it was silly!" Anna says, mortified. But thankfully, she then proceeds to explain herself. "I just… what if you remember everything, and suddenly you don't want to be with me anymore?"
"Why would I do that?" I ask, chuckling a bit. Honestly, I can't imagine ever wanting to leave Anna. I love her!
"I don't know." She pouts. "What if…?" She starts, but bites her lip. For a moment, I fear she might not continue, but thankfully she asks her question without the need to push her. "What if you had a significant other in the Northern Lands, and you suddenly remember you love them?" I fight the smile threatening to appear on my lips. Jealous Anna is very cute! But she seems genuinely distressed, so I rush to reassure her, pulling her into a hug.
"I can assure you, without a speck of doubt, that I have never loved anyone else as much as I do you." I say, putting as much honesty and emotion as I can into my words, so Anna won't keep doubting. "I did love someone: my best friend Helen, but I doubt my feelings were ever reciprocated. And even if they were, it doesn't matter, because now I have you. And you are the most amazing person I've ever known."
Anna doesn't answer immediately, but instead nuzzles into the crook of my neck, a smile forming in her lips as she sighs in content.
"You are a charmer, you know that?" She says, her lips tickling my neck in a delightful way and giving me goosebumps. "I bet you could have anyone you want just by saying a few words."
"I only want you." I say once more, knowing Anna probably still needs more reassurance, but is too proud to ask for it directly.
"Then let's make love."
I start to hum in agreement, until I realize what she just proposed to me, and separate from her just enough to look at her eyes, which are dilated with lust, but hold a hint of worry and possessiveness.
"Are you asking me that because you genuinely want us to make love? Or because you're too scared you'll never have the chance to do so after tomorrow?" I ask, seeing through her right away.
"Ugh! You know me so well!" She pouts.
"Relax, Anna." I say, pulling her closer to me. "I'd love to make love to you." I blush at my own words, never having expected to be so bold about such a subject. However, I recover quickly and continue talking before Anna gets some funny ideas. "But now it's not the right time. We're both tired, you are jealous and worried, and it wouldn't be for the right reasons. We should wait."
"But…" She starts protesting, but I silence her pressing a finger against her lips.
"Come on, let's get some sleep."
It takes some arguing, and me creating a changing screen with my powers so we won't see each other naked when we change into our nightgowns, but at the end, I convince Anna not to make love tonight. And not because I don't want to; the sole thought makes me ache with desire, as well as some rather lewd fantasies to appear on mind, but… we just started dating a few weeks ago, and making love is a very intimate thing that shouldn't be taken lightly, especially considering it's our first time. So no. No matter how much I want it, and how good Anna's body feels next to mine, we will wait.
Not for too long though, I hope.
A/N: Sorry, no smut this time XD. But I hoped you liked this chapter anyways, and don't forget to review telling me your thoughts and predictions, because next chapter we're going to the Northern Lands! Do you think I'll take the fluffy, easy route, or the angsty, hard one? If you've read my other fics, you know the answer hahaha.
Anyways, thanks for readin, see you next time :)
And thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.
