A/N: Would love some feedback on this and once you'll read it you'll know why (:


Chapter #25:

Pretty Like a Car Crash


"Damaged people love you like you are a crime scene before a crime has even committed. They keep their running shoes beside their souls every night, one eye open in case things change whilst they sleep. Their backs are always tense as though waiting to fight a sudden storm that might engulf them.

Because damaged people have already seen hell.

And damaged people understand that every evil demon that exists down there was once a kind angel before it fell."

—Nikita Gill


"Alright, now, I'm just walking down the street, minding my business and this guy walks right up into me. He's all up in my personal space." Aj was recounting the story of her morning walk using her arms to emphasize everything she said. There was a wide grin on her face, color to her features with extra pink from the biting cold outside, and amusement dancing in her lively, blue eyes. "And I immediately go into fight or flight because that's usually how my life works and I'm thinking he's gonna throw hands, but then this guy just holds out a half-eaten sandwich to me! Just holds it out and stares at me—"

She continued on with her story, but Steve just stared at her in reverence. He stared at her the way he assumed a man stranded on a desert island would stare at an approaching boat. The way an artist would stare at a work of art, and she was just that. Aj was a work of art.

Steve wasn't actually sure what happened. It was like a flip just switched and Aj started getting better. It started on the day that they worried it would get worse. The Avengers had a mission, and Sam was late to babysitting on no fault of his own. It was the perfect recipe for a disaster, but instead Aj slept through the night and through most of the morning. Fifteen hours. She slept for fifteen hours and woke up with an appetite. Watching her eat that first real meal, after having to watch her be a of ghost of who she was, was nothing short of a Goddamned miracle. He wasn't much of Catholic these days, but it nearly sent him to his knees with thankfulness that at least one of his whispered prayers had been heard.

Aj was still recovering. Only five days had passed since her turn around after all. She was eating and drinking and laughing though. She wasn't at 100% in the gym, but by all other accounts she was nearly mended.

"—so now, I'm running. Like sprinting for my life trying to chase down sandwich guy—" Aj continued and Steve noticed he wasn't the only one enchanted by her. He glanced over at Natasha who met his eyes and they shared a relieved smile. This was the first time they had done family breakfast in a while, but it seemed fitting. "Finally, I got back to the Tower, and yes the box of donuts I picked up are a little smushed—" She pointed to the crumpled up box in the middle of the table amongst the other foods. "—but I earned them through sweat, tears, and blood so y'all better enjoy that shit."

Clint suddenly stood up and held his hand over Aj's head, "I'd like to propose a formal vote. I believe strongly that the title of 'Human Disaster' pass from me to Aj. All those in favor?"

Bruce raised his hand, and Clint preened, but then he spoke, "How'd you get the double black eyes this time?"

"I…" Clint opened his mouth then mumbled something out.

Tony cupped his ear, "Say again, racoon eyes?"

"I ran into a parked car, okay?" Clint scoffed then sat down with a huff when the table vetoed his vote. He pointed around the table in mock annoyance, "This is straight up harassment! The stress of this workplace has put me into a spiral of depression."

"Depression?" Aj chimed in, "Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling 'bummed out'?"

Clint slammed his hand on the table, shaking the silverware, "Aj, you ignorant slut!"

Steve grinned and lifted a finger from the hand that was resting on his chin, "I got that reference."

"Congratulations, old timer." Tony replied, "Now pass me the mushed donuts that Aj dueled a homeless man for."

Food was passed around the table alongside stories and discussions of what the day had in store for them. Steve still couldn't tear his eyes off Aj though. She was vibrant and glowing. Things weren't perfect, he wasn't fool enough to believe that, but the storm had passed. The skies were finally clear after weeks of nothing but gray and rain. He could see the blue of those pretty skies in the glow of her bright eyes. Aj glanced over at him, and when their eyes met she gave him a broad smile. The kind of smile that people fought wars over, the kind that people painted masterpieces for, the kind that Steve would whether a million storms just to see one more time.


If there was ever a way to test a new employee it was trial by fire, right? I really hadn't meant to throw Beth to the wolves while I lost my absolute mind for two weeks, but she had really stepped up and taken care of the PR scene in my absence. I told her I'd give her another raise and she politely told me to stop giving her raises for her just doing her job. Was this how Tony felt all the time? Regardless, Beth did amazing. So amazing that me coming back to work was easy, smooth, and non-eventful.

"Thank you so much, Beth. I'm naming my first-born child after you."

"Please", Beth held out her hands with a laugh, "Please stop offering me outrageous gifts, I did the bare minimum of a PR specialist. Are you really feeling better?"

I nodded, "Much better."

It wasn't even a lie. When people say, 'Don't underestimate a good night's sleep', I didn't realize how accurate they were. I've been sleeping an average of 10-12 hours these nights and each morning I woke up feeling a little better. The key was Bucky. Our daily talks had moved to bedtime. We'd talk like usual, but now instead of hanging up I just fell asleep listening to him and woke up with no memories of a nightmare. He was like medicine.

"On the docket this week, Bruce has an interview but that's it, and it's low stress. He's gonna be talking about one of his papers with a few other scientists invited to the event." Beth said. I nodded in acknowledgement. Bruce had to be excited for that. "There's also a meeting set for today? I…I actually just noticed it. It's in an hour?"

"Oh. That's an Avenger thing. I have that handled." I said quickly.

Beth nodded, "Okay! I'm gonna work with Natasha and Clint today with their accounts. Do you want me to go with Bruce for the interview later this week?"

I opened my mouth to tell her it was fine, but then I hesitated. Suddenly, my coat pocket felt a little heavier even though it only had a bottle of fish oil pills in it. If things went according to my plan, there might be a chance I was out of work later this week. I had texted Daisy yesterday and she told me, depending on the ability, that inhumans were a little unstable after terrigenesis.

"Can you take him?"

"With pleasure! Let me know if you need me!" Beth chirped and bounced away.

Quickly, I made my way toward the stairs to get to the Conference Room. It was empty right now and would be for another hour. The Avengers meeting planned for today was on the topic of me becoming inhuman. I had set the meeting, I planned it all, and was I also going to blindside the Avengers with this decision? Absolutely, yes. This morning was either going to go super great or super terrible.

Regardless it'd be super something.

I sat down at the head of the table and shoved my hands into my coat pockets while leaning back in the seat. For two weeks, I let my nightmares grasp me in a way I never had before. I knew exactly why though. Never in my life had I had so much to lose. The idea of losing any of them put ice into my veins and that was a brand new concept to me. Living in the ring was easy when you only made superficial connections. Forming a family? It was a disaster in the making.

Now that I had a family though, like hell I was going to lose it. I had my moment of weakness, I hit the floor hard and it did take me a little longer than I liked to get back up, but now I was on my feet and the enemies who threatened my family were going to burn. I had done well enough with my own skill all these years, but I was on a new playing field now. I couldn't rely on my fists and reckless attitude alone anymore. I needed an edge, a weapon, and being inhuman could do that for me.

Plus, being inhuman also had the advantage of maybe repairing the gaping hole in the center of my soul. Lincoln said it himself, and then Daisy had confirmed it. All my life, maybe this was the reason I spent so many days spiraling. It was kind of nice to have something other than my emotional instability to blame. All those problems, all those bad decisions, it wasn't because I was a run of the mill screw-up, it was because I had a weird alien gene in my DNA screaming to be released.

Everyone loved a scapegoat.

So, that was the plan. I would become inhuman, get a, hopefully, kickass superpower, become an official agent of SHIELD, and then make Eugene and Vincent wish they were never fucking born. The times I was most dangerous in life were when I just got back up from being kicked down hard.

Well, those assholes were gonna regret ever kicking me down.


Clint hated meetings. It was a well-known fact that he didn't attempt to hide. However, the fact that Aj was the one roping them into it and helping them through the schedule was enough to convince him to go. Seeing her back to work with life in her eyes was a breath of relief. He pushed the door open and swept into the room with his arms outstretched.

"I am here." He announced to Conference Room. Steve and Natasha were seated in their usual spots, and even Sam was here today since he was going to be doing some work with Steve later today. Aj was standing over in the corner of the room making herself a cup of coffee. Clint breezed over to his seat, "Please, hold your applause."

Sam lifted one finger up in question, "Do you have to talk? Like, if you don't say something when you enter a room, will you, I don't know, like die?"

"Yes." Clint pointed at him then leaned back in his seat with his hands laced together on his abdomen.

"Give it a little more time, Sam." Steve spoke up. "You eventually pick up a tolerance to his bullshit."

"Language, Rogers. You owe the swear jar a dollar." Aj scolded while walking back to the table with her cup of coffee. The swear jar just being a large mug they made Captain America shove money into anytime he cursed. It had a sticky note with his shield crudely drawn on it. Clint was immensely proud of his work of art.

Steve rolled his eyes at her, but the soldier still had a smile pasted on his face. Clint wondered if Aj knew how wrapped around her finger Steve was. He was pretty sure the woman could murder someone in front of him and he would give her a slap on the wrist, if even that, then help her hide the body. Beth had taught him about an internet term. It was 'OTP', and the two of them were just that to him. He was hip with the youths. "Where is—"

Tony and Bruce stepped into the room. Tony held his hands up, "Bruce is the reason I'm late, I'm not at fault in any sort of way."

"He's just like Clint." Sam spoke up. "They just can't walk into a room, can they?"

Everyone shook their heads, even Bruce who only just now joined the conversation, and Tony scoffed in response, "How dare you compare me to bird brain, bird brain Jr."

Sam threw his hands up, "I'm bird brain Jr?"

"Well, I'm sure as hell not." Clint scoffed. "I'm bird brain Sr. I've earned that seniority."

"Yeah, after you've been thrown into a dumpster six or seven times then you can come and challenge him for the position." Tony replied and sat down in his seat.

Clint sat up in his seat, "Hey! I've only been thrown into four dumpsters total, Stark."

Steve shook his head once, "Sometimes I forget we are a team of professional heroes and it's because of conversations like this."

Clint glanced over to see Aj was leaning back in her seat with her phone out and held up. He narrowed her eyes at her, "Hey are you recording us?"

"No, I made a boomerang to post on my insta. I need to put in a little more work in since I was MIA for nearly two weeks." Aj replied without looking up from her phone. She was typing something on the screen and when she finished, she glanced up at him with a smirk, "Don't worry. Nobody will hear about your dumpster diving habits, Clint."

He scoffed, "I feel so attacked. All of you can pay for my therapy." Clint glanced down the table to Sam. "Unless you wanna help me out pro bono?"

"Sure. Just give me the title of bird brain Sr."

"Fucking never, Wilson."

Aj suddenly stood up after placing her phone on the table face down. All eyes shot over to her, and Clint noticed she was playing with the bracelets around her wrist. His eyes narrowed in worry, but Steve was the one to speak up, "So who are we meeting with here?"

"Um, me." Aj replied with a lopsided smile and nervous chuckle. "I need to talk to y'all about something."

"And we couldn't have had this conversation over breakfast this morning?" Tony asked.

"This isn't Aj talking to her friends." She replied nervously. "This is Aj talking to—to the Avengers. Not about PR business either. This is about…about our future."

Her words caught the prompt attention of everyone in the room. The joking air was gone as each person flipped the switch to 'Avengers' mode. Steve, ever the leader, was the one to speak up next, "What is it, Aj?"

Aj hesitated. That was never a good sign. She tugged at the bracelet on her wrist a little more before burying her hand into her coat pocket. Then she yanked something out and slammed it onto the table. Clint's eyes landed on the bottle of fish oil pills and his gut twisted.

Oh. Oh, this was not going to end well.

"Are you going to tell us to take our vitamins?" Tony questioned skeptically.

Aj furrowed her eyebrows at him in confusion before shaking her head, "No. These are the terrigenesis fish pills. I know you think I'm inhuman and want me to be an agent of SHIELD and I think I'm finally ready for both."

The silence that filled the room after her statement was palpable. He glanced over at Natasha who met his gaze with a quick look of exasperation. Oh, this was going to be bad bad. Finally, it was Bruce who managed to speak up.

"Uh, what?"

Natasha kicked him under the table and Clint shook his head at her. He broke the news to the Avengers last time they broke rule number 4. She could bite the bullet this time. She kicked him again, and he twisted his lips at her in annoyance.

"What the fuck do you know, Barton?" Tony snapped.

"Uh", Clint drawled out trying to buy time, "In general? Not much."

Aj cleared her throat and grabbed the attention back, "Listen, the cat is out of the bag now. No more hiding. When Coulson and his team were here, Daisy told me the truth. Y'all think I'm inhuman and can be an asset. I'll admit, I was a little upset at first. I don't like things being kept from me, even if it is supposedly for my own good, but I—I understand why it was. I'm ready now though. You've been training me for this—"

"What?" Steve pressed.

This entire conversation was going to hell in a handbasket.

Natasha lifted her hand to stop the outcry and she looked to Aj with narrowed gaze, "What do you mean by training you for this?"

"Right now, I'm just a liability." Aj shrugged. "That's why after what happened with Vincent, you've been training me more. So, I can become the agent you wanted, and you wouldn't have to have missions interrupted by whatever shit I attract."

Now it was Clint's turn to be in shock. He blinked, "What?"

Aj pressed her lips together in annoyance and threw her hands out, "Okay, next person who says 'what' is gonna get throat punched, and I have enough energy to follow through on that threat now."

Natasha suddenly stood up, an indication that it was her turn to talk and that she wouldn't be interrupted by the others, and set her hands flat on the table. She turned to look at Aj alone, "There's a lot here to unpack, but the first thing we will address is your last statement. Aj, do you think we only took you in to be an agent?"

Aj glanced around the room nervously and Clint felt his heart actually ache. Jesus Christ, if this entire time that's all she thought of them—that they were using her as a means to an end—he'd personally throw himself into a fucking dumpster and live there for the next year. She shrugged, "Yes and no? I know we're friends—"

"Family." Tony interrupted, his gaze unblinking.

Aj nodded slowly, "Family. I know that. But I figured…I thought that was just an added bonus? Like…" She crossed her arms tightly across her chest. "Like, you took me in because I could be an asset, but then I grew on you. Kind of like a… stray dog?" Natasha opened her mouth, gaze hardened, and Aj quickly threw her hands up to stop her. "I know we're family. I've never questioned that. It's why I didn't run that day I left with Daisy to the Playground!"

Bruce sighed and buried his head into his hands while everyone else had a very similar reaction. That statement was immediately put onto the agenda. Natasha took in a slow breath before speaking, "You thought about running?"

"Ok, in my defense, y'all know my reaction to literally everything is fight or flight and I wasn't about to fucking fight the Avengers." Aj scoffed. "But I didn't because I love y'all, and you wanting me to be an inhuman agent, or whatever, aligns with my want to protect you guys!"

Tony set a hand on his forehead and rested his elbow on the table with a faraway look, "Jesus H. Christ, it just keeps getting worse."

Aj pushed her lower lip out into a frustrated pout and Clint wilted at the sight. If he had known any of this, and damn it he should've seen it himself, he would've corrected all these wrong thoughts immediately. Sam lifted one hand and Natasha dropped down into her seat so he could stand. Sam cleared his throat, "Um, maybe I should mediate this for us? Should we order lunch or something, I feel like we're gonna be here a while." Aj opened her mouth, but Sam stopped her. "How about you take a seat, Aj?"

She sighed and fell into her seat with a dramatic roll of her eyes. Sam nodded and crossed his arms, "Conversation topics?"

"Aj thinking she needs to protect us." Steve chimed.

"Aj thinking we want her to be an agent?" Bruce questioned.

"Fish Pills. Sunshine thinking running is still an option." Tony counted off on his fingers. "Coulson and Daisy somehow knowing about this before we did, and—" Tony pointed straight at him and he quickly averted his gaze awkwardly, "—whatever the hell it is that Barton knows and why he knows it."

Aj shot her own hand up into the air, "Me becoming inhuman so I can murder Boss?"

Everyone stared at Aj for a shocked moment before whipping around to look back at Sam and chiming out various versions of, 'Put that on the fucking docket'. Aj slumped into her seat again and Clint mimicked her action. They were going to be in this conference room for the next week and a half at this rate.


Admittedly, my plan was not going so hot. Unless my plan had been to simultaneously piss off every Avenger in which case holy hell, I succeeded with flying fucking colors.

"Why would you think we needed your protection? When have we ever said that?" Tony snapped across the table.

I squared my shoulders, "Y'all have been training me since I got here! What the hell else is that for?"

"You think that was to protect us?" Tony cried. Sam tried to reign him back in, but the barrel of gunpowder had been lit. I didn't argue often with anyone in this Tower, but no argument was hotter than one between Tony and me. We were much too alike. "We're the fucking Avengers, Aj! We want you to be able to protect you!"

"How do you think I survived the last decade, Tony? I know how to protect myself!"

"Yeah, you've done a real bang up job of that. Obviously."

"Fuck you, Stark!" I snapped after the dig he shot at me. Something I knew I'd probably regret later, but right now all I saw was red. "The only reason I wanna protect y'all is because I fucking care about your idiot ass!"

Sam slammed his hands into the table, "Hey! I'm the mediator and I'm telling both of you to shut the hell up!"

Tony and I both sunk in our seats and looked away from one another. Sam glanced at both of us before nodding, "Alright, we're starting with Coulson and Clint first."

"Are we sure that's a good idea?" Clint leaned forward with a scrunched up nose.

"Yes." Steve said firmly. "Start talking."

"So… to start, we maybe broke rule four." Clint mumbled and the entire tabled groaned. Breaking rule number four meant information was kept from the Avengers and since it was coming from Clint I assumed that meant both him and Natasha knew something nobody else did. I glanced around the room but kept quiet. It was Clint's turn to take a little fire. "Lemme start from the beginning."

Tony scoffed, "Yeah, that'd be great."

"Tony." Sam warned.

Clint nodded, "Ok, so Aj should've died in Russia." I flinched at the bluntness of his statement and I felt a chill of that cold, concrete bunker go down my spine. He was right, but hearing it like that was always kind of…jarring. "SHIELD made a folder on her and in that folder is her medical report and the video. Anyone who took a look at it saw that she should've died and didn't. This raised some questions. Questions like…"

"Is she inhuman?" Bruce finished with a sigh.

I blinked and sat up in my seat, "Whoa, whoa, wait. Y'all didn't know about the inhuman or SHIELD thing?"

"No. We didn't." Steve replied to me but didn't lift his glare from Clint.

"The agent thing is from, well, okay I was trying to get Aj a job—"

"And you picked agent of SHIELD?" Sam scoffed.

Clint narrowed his eyes at him, "Hey, mediator, cool it with the ninth degree." Sam rolled his eyes and Clint continued, "Yes, but this was very early on and the plan was cancelled basically as soon as it began, but some people at SHIELD still thought it was a good idea. They're…understaffed."

"So, because SHIELD is short on hands we should—" Tony began, but Natasha held up a hand to stoop him. He pressed his lips together in irritation.

Natasha nodded in thanks, "It was a bad idea, we know, and like Clint said we didn't consider for long. In fact, we've been stopping Hill and Coulson from approaching Aj with the option."

"Hey." I spoke up. "That isn't your decision to make for me."

"You're right, but that point aside, we never brought it up because it didn't seem relevant anymore." Natasha replied.

Bruce, who was leaned back in his seat with a hand over his mouth, chuckled without humor, "Seems a little relevant right now."

Steve shook his head and held out a hand, his eyebrows of disappointment on full display, and I was so glad he wasn't looking at me right now, "How many times do we have to go through this? We are a team. The two of you can't keep hiding this shit from us."

"You're right." Clint said suddenly and everyone seemed startled by his serious tone. He didn't even start with a quip. "If we had known Aj was gonna find it out second hand and think we looked at her as an asset and not someone we care about, we would've said it outright."

I swallowed a lump in my throat and Clint turned to look directly at me. He leaned forward on the table, "Aj, listen to me, we love you. I don't know if we've ever said it blatantly like that, maybe we just tossed it around, but we love you." My throat felt like it was filled with thick glue. "You're family. We trained you, even harder after the Vincent incident, because we are terrified of losing you."

Clint's gaze didn't waver from mine and I shifted awkwardly in my seat. He just kept going though, "I worry about Tasha when she's out on a mission, I worry about Steve when he—he jumps from a fucking plane without a chute, I worry about this team. All the damn time. Every damn day. But, Tasha is an ex-KGB agent and went through the Red Room to become the Black Widow. Steve is a super soldier. Tony has a metal suit of armor around him. Bruce has the hulk. Sam was trained military." He shook his head. "When I worry about you though, when we worry about you, it's because we've seen first-hand how terrible this world is and what it does to people who try to stand in its way. You're in that spotlight now just by being around us and Aj—" Clint let out another humorless laugh, "Aj, you're an amazing fighter. You're strong and stubborn and brave, but you aren't an Avenger."

"That's why we've pushed you so hard." Natasha added softly.

I bit down on my lip and glanced down into my lap. This entire time I knew they cared. I never doubted that. I was just convinced that it was a kill two birds with one stone kind of situation. It never occurred to me that they were only doing it for my sake and my sake alone. With furrowed brow, I leaned onto the table in confusion. Looking at it now… it was so obvious. It was so fucking obvious, but my broken brain couldn't see it. They gave me everything and I could only offer them my own messed up version of love.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled in embarrassment. "I don't know… I don't know why I doubted y'all and I'm sorry."

Sam called out my name once… twice… and on the third time I finally lifted my gaze to look at him. He gave me a small reassuring smile, "You don't owe anyone an apology. In this situation you had every reason to doubt us. The evidence was at your feet and we never clarified." Sam bobbed his head once. "We're not those foster parents. We're not your dad. We're not your sister. We aren't going anywhere."

I glanced around the room and despite the tense atmosphere before everyone offered me a small smile. My eyes met Tony and he gave me a nod. I sighed and grabbed the fish oil pills, "Thanks guys. Maybe when I take a pill my superpower will be mental health."

"Somebody stab me." Tony groaned. "Put me out of my misery."

Sam chuckled, "Yeah, let's circle back to that."

"Remember, how we've mentioned the surge of inhumans?" Natasha said. "It's because of that."

Clint and Natasha quickly caught them up on information that Daisy had already told me. When it got to the end, Steve motioned to the bottle, "So, if Aj takes a pill she'll either become inhuman or…?"

"Or nothing." Natasha shrugged. "Nothing would happen."

"The whole killing normal humans thing got weeded out in the pill making process, I hear." Clint said.

"And, you want that, Aj? To be inhuman?" Bruce questioned.

I opened my mouth to answer, but Steve cut me off, "Do you actually want to be inhuman or is this just a reaction to Eugene?" All eyes shot to me, and I twisted my lips in thought. Steve added, "Because we have that handled. We're closing in on him and we will take care of it."

"Y—You are?" My eyes widened.

Natasha nodded in confirmation, "He left New York." I blinked in surprise. That didn't sound right. That didn't sound like Boss. She continued, "Last we saw him, he was going to Vegas. We assume it's to find his brother."

Again, that didn't sound right. Boss and the Reaper were not friends. Half-brothers, yeah, but in all the time I had known Boss he had never even mentioned Vincent. The only reason I knew of him was through rumors. Rumors and him showing up to kidnap me, that is.

"Now, take him out of the equation." Steve said. "Do you still want to be inhuman?"

I pressed my lips together briefly, "If I say yes, will you let me?"

"Like you said before", Sam called out, like he was announcing it to the room, "This is your decision to make. It's your job to make the call and it's our job to support you."

All eyes were on me again, but this time it was less shock and more contemplation. I grabbed the bottle of pills and rolled it around in my hands. Finally, I gave them a small nod. I shrugged, "I promise it isn't just about Boss. I do want this."

"Alright." Clint stood and walked around to me. He took the bottle and shook out a hand full. He picked one up and set it onto the table in front of me, and then he tossed one into his mouth and dry swallowed it. The entire room exploded in panic, but they paused to see what would happen. Clint stood there for a few seconds, completely normal, then he shrugged, "They're officially safe."

Natasha kicked him in the back of his leg and he nearly crumpled to the ground, "What the hell was that?"

"I wanted to make sure they weren't deadly to non-inhumans." Clint shrugged. "Also, I was kind of curious if I had alien genes."

"Idiot, you have an alien brain." Tony scoffed.

I picked up the small pale yellow pill and just stared at it. Steve's voice made me glance up at him, "Aj—" He nodded once. "—whatever happens, we're right here."

"Bottoms up, huh?" I chuckled and tossed it into my mouth before letting my mind overthink my actions. Being impulsive sometimes was helpful. I grabbed my cup pf coffee and took a big sip to wash down the pill. Then I waited. And I waited. And I waited. The room was silent, and I tasted bitter disappointment in my mouth. "Oh…"

"Maybe it's a delayed reaction?" Clint questioned.

It wasn't though. Daisy told me it happened quick or it didn't happen at all. I wasn't inhuman. I didn't have alien genes. The hole in my chest, the void in my soul, that shit was just me. Just little broken me.

"Aj?"

I snapped out my daze and realized everyone was staring. Somehow, I had managed to go from shock to contemplation to downright worry. Why was it we always ended up on worry? I gave them a big grin and forced out a laugh, "Guess this means we don't have to invest in my superhero tights."

"Aj—" Steve began.

I shoved myself up from the chair and swallowed the lump in my throat, "So… I am about to dramatically rush out of this room. Which, I know is gonna look real sketchy, but I promise all of you… I am okay." They all continued to stare, and I awkwardly snapped my fingers and shot them a pair of finger guns, "Cue dramatic exit."

Quickly, avoiding all of their gazes, I shuffled out of the conference room. Instinct told me to run to my apartment, but that poor apartment had seen a lot of mental breakdowns since I moved in. Maybe I'd give it a break. Instead, I turned and walked out onto the Tower's deck. The air was cold all the way up here and my fuzzy socks did very little walking across the deck's glossy tile. I wandered to stand in the open area where a few benches were.

There was something about being this high up that was intoxicating. It was easier to ignore that aching void when the void in front of me was so much more vast and cold. Becoming inhuman was supposed to save me. It was supposed to stitch together all my holes and make me a complete person. Daisy told me about how finding her ability helped her find herself. How was I supposed to protect my family and fight Boss if I couldn't even find myself?

"Hey, drama queen." I glanced over my side to see Tony walk over to me. He shrugged out of his jacket and threw it over my shoulders. He leaned against the railing beside me, "I was kind of an ass earlier."

I gave him a small smile, "It's okay. I'm used to it."

Tony chuckled with a shake of his head, "That was actually the part where you also apologize."

"You apologized?" I replied. Tony grinned and we both settled into a comfortable silence. Anytime we did fight, this is usually how it ended. Granted, this had been probably our biggest fight, but it was comforting that it ended the same way. I laced my fingers together and kept my gaze on the skyline, "Tony, I'm empty inside."

"Somehow I seriously doubt that."

"No, it's true." I shrugged nonchalantly. "Just a big, gaping void. A black hole where my heart should be." Tony laughed, and I spun my head around to glare at him. "I am baring my soul here, man. My empty, cold soul."

Tony shook his head, "Do you really think I'd give the nickname 'Sunshine' to someone with a cold, empty soul?" I rolled my eyes, but he continued. "The big, hypothetical hole in the center of your chest, is that why you wanted to be inhuman so bad?"

"Yeah." I admitted. "Daisy and Lincoln said that they had this hole in their life that they tried to fill with hacking or alcohol but—but nothing worked. Not until they became inhuman. It was their missing piece."

Tony reached out and set his hand on my shoulder where it met my neck and gave it a quick squeeze, "Aj, I don't know if you've noticed, but your life is kind of a mess right now."

"Wow. Thank you. I hadn't noticed." I replied with a small smile.

"You are the warmest person I've ever met. It radiates off of you." Tony said firmly. "Sunshine, I know you feel lost and maybe you've felt lost for a while now. Maybe your whole life." I didn't reply. "But in the time I've known you, you've come so far. I think you're gonna keep healing, keep getting better, and one day in the future that void is gonna be gone."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "That could be a very, very long time."

"It could be."

"Literally, years."

"Yeah, maybe."

I turned my body to face his, "You really think I could make it that long. That I'll ever be healed enough not to feel like this."

"Sunshine", Tony gave me a firm smile, confidence written all over his face, "I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life."

I chuckled and stepped toward him. Tony didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me while I buried my face into his chest. Maybe he was right. As terrible as that void felt in the center of my chest, it wasn't so bad when I was hugging Tony. It wasn't so bad when Clint was telling me one of his dumbass jokes, or when Sam came to visit and spar with me, or when Natasha tried teaching me to knit, or when Bruce let me help him in the lab. The void was less painful and more of just an annoying ache when Steve let me curl into him on the couch or when Bucky's warm voice wrapped me up into a safe bubble. I had never been a patient person, but maybe that's what it would take. Just a little patience. A little faith.

"Now, come on. I'm taking you out for lunch." Tony pulled back and dragged me toward the door, "Anything you want. I owe you for being an ass."

"I wanna go to that expensive place that gives you the adult looking lunchable instead of bread while you wait for your food."

"Okay, it's a charcuterie board not a fucking lunchable, and good choice."

"But I'm paying!" I said with a knowing smirk.

Tony frowned with a scoff, "Oh come on, the punishment does not fit the crime here."

I grabbed his arm and wrapped it around my shoulders, "Nope. It's on me."

He continued to complain, but I just melted into his side. Plan A in getting rid of Boss had failed, spectacularly might I add, but I had no shortage of plans or letters to name them after. I might not be inhuman. I might just be a slowly healing, broken little human. But, I wasn't going to let Boss take away what I had and I wasn't going to miss out on loving them by living in fear. That's exactly what the jackass would want, and I was done giving him what he wanted.


The two floors beneath the training gym were combined to create one large space where the Avengers could practice in a more hands-on kind of way. Team moves would be tried out here and Tony had a never-ending stream of fighting drones for them to use to their advantage. The drones were really just prototypes of his Iron Legion that hadn't worked out, but target practice was target practice.

Steve was watching as Clint and Sam took turns throwing his shield into random drones. He liked the idea of everyone on his team knowing how to use the shield just in case a situation arose where they needed it. Steve wanted them to know how much weight they needed to get it to go where it had to go. He wanted them to know where to hold it in order to cover the most vital parts of themselves. He wanted them to know what it felt like when something was fired against it.

Steve always figured if Bucky had known what the blowback felt like when the shield was fired upon, if he had known how far it could throw you, then maybe the train incident wouldn't have happened. So now, he was going to make sure every single one of his teammates knew exactly what happened under every scenario that could happen with the shield. It was something he always took very seriously, but today he was having trouble keeping his eyes on his team and away from the woman who sat against the wall off to the side reading a book Bruce had given her.

This floor had been off limits to Aj until recently. It wasn't that they didn't trust her, but there was no need for her to be down here at all. With Boss on the loose though, with her nightmares and their worry, it just made sense to let her come down here so someone always had an eye on her. Was it overprotective? Yes. Was it excessive? Yes. Did Steve give a single damn? Absolutely not.

She had her legs stretched out in front of her and crossed at the ankles as she read. Her dark hair was pulled up into a messy bun that was already falling apart. Aj had also swapped her clothes out for something more comfortable to wear around the Tower. Black spandex shorts, Iron Man themed fuzzy socks, and a sweater he knew she had stolen out of his closet. Steve wouldn't ever voice it aloud, Clint would never let him live it down, but he really liked the way his much larger clothes fit over her smaller body.

"Hey!"

Steve's gaze snapped back just in time to see his own shield flying toward him. He caught the edges before it slammed into his abdomen and the force of it slid him back about a foot. He lifted a glare up to Clint who was grinning at him sheepishly. Sam stood beside him pointing at his fellow bird.

"Drone's the other way, Barton. I thought you never missed." Steve scoffed and began to cross the room over to them.

Clint smirked, "Oh, I didn't miss. You weren't paying me the attention I craved so I lashed out." He motioned toward Sam with a thumb. "The therapist says my coping mechanism is acting out so the people around me show me love."

"No, I said you were a jackass." Sam corrected.

Steve slid the shield over his forearm and stopped in front of them, "Are you done, or did you need me?"

"I think we did pretty good—" Sam shrugged, and Steve glanced over his shoulder to see the mess of drone parts across the room. "—but if you can take a break from creepily staring at Aj to give us some more pointers that would be cool."

Clint nodded in agreement and Steve tried to ignore the warmth he felt in his cheeks, "I wasn't staring—"

"Do you plan on asking her out anytime soon?" Clint scoffed. "Because you're killing me, man."

"Well, Nat would kill me if I did ask her out." Steve replied. "So, I guess you'll have to suffer."

Sam held his hands out, "Right. I'm not arguing that—"

"I'm arguing that." Clint cut in, but both men ignored him.

"I just want to know…" Sam crossed his arms and nodded his head to the side toward where Aj was still reading, "If there were no obstacles in the way of this, would you be able to make a move?" Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, and Sam continued. "The last date you went on, that I know of, was Sharon. Right?"

Steve nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. After the whole HYDRA in SHIELD thing, he told Natasha he'd give her a chance. It seemed like a good idea. Steve was attracted to her, she was an agent so she understood the life, and they got along well enough. The relationship hadn't lasted very long. In fact, they both decided to call it quits a couple of weeks before he met Aj.

"It's hard to start dating again, Steve, and it's gonna be harder for you and her because, no offense, but both of you are repressed as shit." Sam said. "Have you talked to Aj about anything romantic?"

Steve shook his head, "Of course not. You said it yourself, I'm her friend first and—"

"No, no. Not about the two of you specifically." Sam shook his head. "I meant, about the topic in general. Have you asked her about her romantic history?" Steve blinked in thought. "Have you talked to her about Peggy?"

Steve stiffened. He hadn't. He told Peggy about Aj. Nothing in detail, but he'd mention her anytime he went to visit Peggy. It was just a weird conversation to have. Steve loved Peggy. That would never change. She was special to him. Had been? Still was? Obviously, the feelings had been forced to change. Peggy had lived her life out. She had fallen in love again, gotten married, and had a family. Every time he went to visit, she would emphasize that she wanted him to move on. To find love again like she had. Peggy always told him that him moving forward with his life, finding someone else to love, would never be an insult to what they had. She just wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to be able to find what she had again.

And Aj brought forth feelings he hadn't felt since the 40's. He wasn't in love with her, not in that sense, but he knew he could be. He could be very easily. Meeting her hadn't been like meeting Peggy. The moment he met Peggy a part of him had just known. It wasn't like that with Aj. With Aj, it had been slower, but considering he thought he'd never feel anything like that again it was a monumental change.

The point was this, Sam was right. Aj wasn't the only one mentally trying to figure herself out. Steve had a lot to work through too.

"Well, I'll take that long pause as a no to telling her about Peggy." Clint whistled. He suddenly turned and walked away from them. Steve reached out to grab him, but just barely missed. The archer swaggered over to Aj and dropped down into the spot beside her.

Steve forced himself to look back at Sam, "Am I allowed to kick his ass?"

"I can't name anyone who would try and stop you." Sam shrugged with a grin. Steve mentally reminded himself that losing the archer in the middle of trying to hunt down Von Strucker and the scepter would be very, very bad and that he shouldn't throw his shield at the idiot right now. Sam clapped him on his arm, "Aj is now walking over here alone though so imma bounce."

"What?" Steve questioned.

Sam ignored him and jogged off. He heard his traitor of a friend greet Aj briefly. He turned to see Aj had reached him with swinging arms and a friendly smile. Steve cleared his throat and nodded at her, "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Do you mean how I'm feeling in the process of recovering from my two weeks of nightmares from hell or how I'm feeling about finding out that my 'quick fix' solution of becoming inhuman failed dramatically?" Aj asked with a slight tilt of her head. The amused smile on her lips was real and not just a fake one to try and stop worry. The smile reached her eyes. Steve could see the warmth in the vast blue and it was all he needed to see to feel comfort.

Steve couldn't help his own smile that came to his face, "How about in general?"

"I'm peachy keen, Captain Rogers." She replied and reached out to grab his free hand. Aj tangled her fingers with his casually. It was almost comical how far she had come when it came to human contact. Aj used to avoid contact like the devil. She'd pull herself in close wherever she sat and when they passed her around the Tower she'd subconsciously lean away. Now, Aj sought out contact whenever she could. Whether it be leaning into someone or tangling her own limbs with theirs, it was like she was trying to make up for all the touch she had missed out on over the years. Steve wasn't even sure if she was fully aware of how cuddly she had become. "How come the birds abandoned you?"

Steve shook his head, "Don't know, but I do know your company is far more preferable."

Aj clicked her tongue then knocked her knuckles against his shield, "You charmer." Steve slid the shield off and flipped it around toward her. Her pretty eyes widened in surprise, "You're kidding."

"Do you think you have what it takes to pick up the mantle of—"

"Yes!" Aj interrupted and pulled the straps onto her arm. Steve reached forward, just to help her tighten it, then stepped back so she could hold it on her own. Aj moved her arm a little, "It's actually lighter than I thought it would be."

Steve chuckled, "Usually people say the opposite. How heavy did you think it was gonna be?"

"I don't know, Steven." Aj said firmly. She straightened her posture and lifted her chin a fraction while putting her other hand on her hip. "Do I look patriotic?"

She looked adorable. And happy. God, he was so glad she was happy again. Steve stepped toward her and set his hands on the shield. He raised an eyebrow at her, "Wanna learn how to throw it?"

Aj's smile widened and she bobbed her head up and down in excitement. Steve chuckled and told JARVIS to reset the drones. For the next half hour, he walked her through the motions of throwing the shield and showed her the angles she needed to know in order to get it to come back. Not that he expected her to be able to do that. Sam was the only one so far who was close to getting the shield to get back to him.

After the first ten minutes, Aj had peeled off his sweater leaving her in her spandex shorts and a dark blue sports bra. It was a racer back, so he could still see the shape of her shoulders, but it was long enough to cover her scars. All of her sports bras were. As Steve helped Aj throw the shield on her own he tried not to let his hands linger on her skin for too long, but there was a lot of skin there for him to touch. He was a red-blooded man and nothing reminded him faster of that than being around Aj.

Aj was always confident in her skin. At least, that's how it appeared. She never seemed to blink or hesitate when it came to being half undressed in the training gym with them. Not that her outfits could be considered a state of undress. It was just what she wore to work out in after all. Steve asked her about it once. Well, more accurately, very early on in their friendship he awkwardly offered her his shirt after working out while keeping his gaze anywhere but on her. She had just laughed. According to her, she spent most of the last five years in only a sports bra and shorts in front of a bloodthirsty, leering crowd. Steve wasn't quite sure he liked that answer. He didn't like the idea of some sleezy guy ogling her as she fought. On that note, he reminded himself to focus on her shield throwing form and not on her very soft skin.

"My hands are too small for this." Aj complained and tried to get a grip on the shield. The weight of it didn't bother her so much, but the only way she could put any force behind the throw was by holding the shield with both hands. "How do you do this so easily?"

Steve smirked then in one swift movement he grabbed the opposite edge of the shield where she was holding it, with one hand, then snatched it away from her to immediately throw it into a drone a few yards away. It was one of Tony's bulkier drones so the shield dented it's chest plate and then bounced back to him. Steve caught it with ease then glanced back at Aj to see a look of awe on her face. It was probably a little sad how much he felt his pride inflate at that look.

"You're a show off." Aj pointed at him.

"That doesn't sound like me." Steve shook his head and offered her the shield back.

Aj took it back in her hands and bit down on her lower lip in focus. She had managed to throw it a few times, but anytime she got a good amount of force behind it the aim had been off. Mostly because the only way she could throw it was by spinning her entire body around.

She tested the weight in her hand, wound up her entire body, and then with a grunt and running start she whipped her arms around to release the shield. Steve realized her aim was going to be spot on seconds before it slammed into the drone. He also recognized the angle it would hit the robot with only seconds to spare. Steve wasn't in the position to catch the shield, but he was in the perfect position to tackle Aj to the side. They both went down, Aj with an audible 'oof', just as the shield rebounded straight back to where she had been standing.

"Despite nearly killing yourself, I'm actually super impressed." Steve chuckled while staring at where his shield had landed. "Sam can catch it, but he can't get it to come straight back to…"

Steve's words slowed to a stop when he glanced down. He had landed on one elbow with the other wrapped around Aj to keep her from hitting the floor with any force. It reminded him a lot of the time they rolled off the couch together that one morning. Except this time, the roles were reversed. Steve had been laughing, cracking a joke, while Aj just stared up at him with some level of shock. His own smile faltered slightly. This was a compromising position, and Steve was entirely aware of how easy it would be to just lower his body just a couple of inches and press his lips against her own slightly parted ones.

He couldn't. He shouldn't.

Steve wanted Aj to heal without any distractions more than he wanted to kiss her, and Jesus Christ that was a lot. The dilemma he also found himself at war with was the timing of it all. He was the world's leading authority on waiting too fucking long. Steve couldn't count the number of times he kicked himself for how long it took him to kiss Peggy. He never got that dance with her because he didn't have the guts to make a move. Steve's biggest fear was repeating his past mistake. He just barely survived making that mistake with Peggy. Steve wasn't sure he'd survive making that same mistake again.

"We should… We should get up." Aj said softly.

"Yeah." Steve agreed, but didn't move. Aj lifted a hand to his chest, and he expected her to push him up and away, but it never happened. Her palm just pressed against him and Steve wondered if she could feel how hard his heart was beating. She could probably hear it in the quiet of this room. That's all he could hear.

"Steve?" She whispered.

He wouldn't be late this time. He couldn't.

Steve shifted the hand under her, to cup the back of her neck, and closed the space between them. Aj's lips were soft and warm, and he did nothing more than lightly press his own against hers before pulling back an inch. Her only reaction was to suck in a sharp breath of surprise. Worry and regret hit him hard. He had crossed a line. Steve opened his mouth to voice his apology, but Aj's hand tightened around his shirt and pulled him back down.

It was like the striking of a match.

Suddenly, his entire body was pressed down against hers, but based on the way she tangled her hand into the back of his hair it didn't bother her. Steve had thought about kissing Aj a number of times. In fact, he'd thought of it more times than he'd like to admit, but he never imagined how absolutely overtaken he'd feel by every touch. The way his heart hammered when she bit down and sucked on his lower lip. The way his hunger for her grew when she shifted the hand on his chest up and under his shirt. The way her nails lightly dug into his skin when his tongue slipped past her swollen lips.

Steve was creative, but he never could've imagined the absolutely sinful whimpers that would spill from Aj's lips when he pressed his lips against the hollow of her throat.

She trailed both hands back around his jawline to drag his lips back up to hers. Steve sighed in content when he felt the tip of her tongue trace his lower lip. Aj's hips pressed into his and he barely even noticed when she rolled them over. Steve was still in a daze, reeling from the way her soft skin felt in his hands, when Aj pulled away from his lips. Her name slipped from his lips, a breathless prayer, as she leaned back in to press soft kisses over his jawline, at his earlobe, then down the length of his neck.

"Steve." She said softly against his chest. He dug his fingers into her hips. "Steve." Aj sat up, still straddling him, and as her hands trailed down his chest he pulled her own hips down on top of his. "Steve?" Aj's hands fisted around his shirt and she shook him. "Steve!"

"What?" He breathed in confusion.

"Steve!" She yelled at him this time.

Aj shook him one more time and suddenly the side of his head began to throb painfully. Steve flinched and shut his eyes, trying to chase the pain away. He heard his name called out again, more distant this time, and when his eyes re-opened he was staring up at wide, worried blue ones.

Wait, what was happening?

Steve was on his back still, but Aj was kneeling beside him rather than being on top of him. Her hands were balled up into his shirt. She lifted a hand to rest on his cheek, "Oh my God, I thought I killed you!"

"What—What the hell happened?" Steve sat up quickly but immediately regretted his actions. Pain washed over him and he flinched again at the throbbing. His hand lifted to hold the left side of his skull. The skin was sensitive where he touched.

Aj pulled his hand away to look herself, "The shield came back and you tried to catch it but I think I got in the way or something— I—I don't know, but the flat side of the shield flipped up and caught you in the side of the head. Hard." She turned his head slowly and grimaced. "You went down like a sack of potatoes and then hit your head on the ground. God. I almost killed America's favorite hero."

Steve didn't remember trying to catch the shield. All he remembered was tackling Aj and then…then… Steve felt his face grow hot despite his massive headache. He was incredibly happy that he had never changed into gym shorts and instead chose to stay in his jeans. Aj cupped his face again and it helped nothing. He pulled out of her reach.

"I'm fine. Are—Are you okay?" Steve asked.

"I'm not the one who just got knocked out!" Aj retorted. Her gaze lifted to look past him on something else. "Finally!"

Steve turned with a flinch to see Sam, Clint, and Bruce jogging over. Bruce knelt down beside him, in medic mode, while Clint pulled Aj up to her feet. Sam glanced at the two of them, "What the hell happened?"

"I threw the shield and it bounced back." Aj explained. Clint knelt down to pick up the sweater she had been wearing to hand to her. She grabbed it and just clutched it to her chest. "Steve tried to catch it, but I was in the way. He managed to push me down and get—get a hand on it, but it flipped over and hit him."

Clint snorted in laughter and Aj immediately spun to punch him in the gut. He doubled over still laughing.

"It isn't funny!" Aj cried. "I could've killed him!"

"Hardly." Sam replied with a smirk of his own. If Steve's head wasn't killing him he'd get up to murder the birds.

Bruce asked him to follow his finger and after rolling his eyes he did. After doing that for a moment, Bruce chuckled and stood up, "I think he'll live." The doctor turned to give Aj a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. Steve's known for his hard head."

"I think I felt better when you three weren't here." Steve mumbled and rubbed at his eyes. He was still trying to shake his dream— Hallucination? — whatever the hell it was, out of his head.

"JARVIS play back on the incident." Clint called out.

Steve opened his eyes in time to see the security feed get pulled up. Just like Aj had said, the shield came careening back to them and he stupidly tried to catch it from an angle. Pain induced hallucination him had done so much better in that incident. Steve had gotten a hand on the shield while also shoving Aj down, but his grip hadn't been good enough and the flat portion of it swung up and slammed into his temple. He supposed he was lucky it hadn't been the edge to catch him in the skull.

"Yeah, go ahead and send that to Tony immediately." Clint grinned.

"Fuck off, Barton." Steve grumbled.

Aj pulled her sweater on, which helped him greatly, and knelt back down, "Steve, seriously, I am so sorry." Her eyebrows were furrowed in concern and her lips turned down into an unhappy frown. "I—"

"It wasn't your fault." Steve gave her a tight lipped smile. "If you wanna help you can maybe grab me an ice pack? And try to keep Tony from seeing the video?"

"I can definitely accomplish the first part of that." Aj replied and jumped up.

She ran to the elevator and the moment she was gone all three men standing around him turned to stare. Steve suddenly wished he was still unconscious. Bruce cleared his throat while Clint and Sam just smirked at him, "So, with your super healing I'm sure the concussion will be gone by dinner. Do you want to talk about—"

"Nope." Steve replied and rubbed the back of his head with his hand. He did not want to talk about what had just happened. Bruce gave him an amused smile before leaving too. Steve wished he had taken the other two with him, but they stayed and stared. "Don't start—"

"You know, there are easier ways to avoid talking about your romantic history with Aj." Clint said with a smirk while Sam snickered from beside him. "I think anything would be better than getting knocked out by your own shield."

Steve pressed his lips together and tried not to think about how they had felt pressed against Aj's. Not that they had ever actually been pressed against hers. He groaned and rubbed at his face again. As embarrassing as the security video was, at least it didn't show his concussed brain's thoughts. Steve would never live that down. As his friends mocked him, Steve rubbed at his still throbbing temple and wondered how much more complicated that imaginary scenario was going to make things for him.

He was fucked.