Happy 4th to those in the US! Happy Thursday to everyone else! Hope you are having a great day :)
In the hangar bay on the planet of Dristol, Leia watched as General Rieekan was brought down the Falcon's ramp. He lay on a repulsor grid, questioning the medical technicians that were transporting him to the medical center. His condition had improved greatly during the trip from Moltare. She had spent many hours sitting beside him, keeping him company. It made for a convenient distraction.
Since the kiss, Leia had avoided Han as much as she possibly could on such a small ship. Luke and Chewie seemed aware that something had occurred between herself and the Falcon's Captain, although neither questioned it.
The kiss...
Warmth coursed through her at the memory, causing an intense pain to grip her heart. She had never been kissed like that before. She had kissed Wesley more times than she could count, and it was pleasurable to kiss Wesley. But kissing Han...the feeling of his lips against hers, so soft and warm, blazed a fire in both her body and her heart. She tried very hard not to acknowledge it, but how could she possibly deny it? The kiss had left her weak, trembling, her thoughts and feelings in disarray.
He couldn't know how deeply he had affected her. And so, she put up her best facade of indifference whenever she saw him. It was not easy to maintain, especially when she saw the hurt in his eyes. He looked almost stricken by her apathy. Leia couldn't understand that. After all, he was still with Bria. How much could one little kiss have meant to him?
It had meant a lot to her. She was honest enough to admit that to herself. That was what frightened her. It had meant too much. It had left her feeling a need so deep, so intense, that she just had to escape it. She could not allow herself to need anyone that deeply. Especially not someone like Han. Someone who was in love with someone else, and who would also have to leave, sooner or later.
She was beginning to wish it were sooner. Because the longer he stayed, the more she was becoming reliant upon him. The more she needed him. And Princess Leia Organa did not want to need anyone.
Luke had gone to Rieekan's side and was now patting his arm and speaking soft words of encouragement. When he stepped away, Leia moved to the General's side.
"A little bacta and you'll be good as new." She smiled.
Rieekan smiled back, his expression much stronger than it had been just two days ago. He reached over, took her hand in his, and squeezed it gently. "Thank you, Leia."
She held her smile firmly in place as the repulsor grid hovered away, destined for the med center. Footsteps sounded behind her, and instinctively she knew it was Han. She could feel his eyes on her.
When he spoke, his voice was much closer than she expected, forcing her to hide the way she almost flinched.
"Well, Your Worship, mission accomplished."
Taking a deep, steadying breath, she turned around to face him, grateful that he was unaware of the way her stomach clenched at his proximity. Before she could respond, Threepio approached.
"Mistress Leia, shall I inform Major Tobin of your arrival?" He stood poised to carry out the request.
Han turned to him, eyes narrowing with annoyance. "Would you just wait a minute, Goldenrod. Can't you see we're talking here?"
The golden protocol droid stiffened. "Certainly, Captain Solo. I was only trying to be of help. Why, if there is anything I can do to be of service-"
"You can shut up, that's what you can do." Han's patience was obviously nonexistent at this point.
"Yes, sir." Despite the fact that Threepio was an entirely mechanical being, he managed to somehow give the impression of being offended. He shuffled away, mumbling quietly about someone's apparent lack of etiquette.
Han had turned back to her. "Don't forget about that datacard, Your Highnessness."
Leia had the distinct impression that Han was stalling. "Yes, I know."
"I suppose they'll be setting up a sabotage mission."
"I suppose you're right."
"That might be interesting. Maybe I'll sign up for it."
Interesting? Suicidal maybe. "That's really not your area of expertise."
He grinned. "I've got lots of areas of expertise, Princess."
She blushed hotly, recalling that she was well aware of one of them. His grin only widened.
Chewie came down the ramp, walking over to them with an extensive howl.
"Yeah," Han answered. "We'll get to work repairing that right away." He looked at his friend pointedly, eliciting a knowing chuckle from the Wookiee. Before he could leave, Luke sauntered over.
"So, you guys want to do something later?" he asked enthusiastically.
Leia felt Han's glare as she answered quickly, "No, I can't. I've got a lot to do."
Luke didn't try to hide his disappointment. "Oh." He turned to Han. "What about you guys?"
Han's eyes stayed on Leia. "Naw. I'm beat. I think I'll just turn in early tonight." He glanced at Chewie, who barked his agreement.
"All right." Luke's head lowered dismally.
A new voice boomed over the quiet conversation. "Leia!"
They all looked up to see Wesley striding towards them. Han scowled.
Wesley swept Leia up into his arms and spun her around, replacing her small body on the ground on the other side of him, away from the group. Leia kept her eyes on him, not wanting to look at Han. Her mind recoiled at the high level of discomfort caused by the situation she suddenly found herself in. She couldn't even think as Wesley's lips descended upon hers, kissing her full on the mouth. She wasn't sure what was going on here. Normally, he did not show such affection when they were in public.
"I missed you," he whispered sincerely.
From the corner of her eye, Leia saw her three friends walking away from this display, obviously uncomfortable. She could see Han's form moving back towards the Falcon.
"I wasn't gone that long." The words came to her lips, but she barely knew what she was saying.
"Thank the Force you're safe." He pulled her into a tight embrace. When he released her, he took her hand in his and steered her away from the Falcon. As it left her field of vision, she got one last glimpse of Han, standing at the bottom of the ramp, watching her with a forlorn expression.
"There's a meeting in the conference room in an hour," Wesley was saying. "Everyone will be pleased that you made it in time."
"I have the report ready on General Rieekan's rescue." She had gone over it hundreds of times, as a distraction.
"Great. Any casualties?"
Leia's voice softened. "We lost three men from the commando team."
Wesley nodded. "I guess that's not as bad as it could have been."
"I suppose." Any loss of life was a tragedy.
He stopped suddenly, forcing her to halt also. "Leia, I've been doing a lot of thinking."
"About what?" she asked cautiously.
"About us."
A strange numbness settled over her. Was he putting an end to their relationship? She wasn't sure how she felt about that. "Okay. What have you been thinking?"
He took a deep breath before continuing. "I've been a real jerk for a long time now. About Solo, and about a lot of other things. I'm sorry. I should trust you, and from now on I'm going to."
She forced her expression to remain neutral. Although she had never promised Wesley anything, she felt suddenly guilty.
He wrapped his arms around her. "I want to make it up to you," he whispered. "Starting with tonight. I have big plans for us." He grinned.
Leia smiled back weakly. "What kind of plans?" she forced herself to ask.
He moved his mouth near here ear. "The romantic kind. Dinner, candles, music. I've set it all up in my quarters. You just have to show up." He kissed her cheek softly.
Leia supposed this was as good a distraction as anything else. "That sounds wonderful." She attempted an enthusiastic expression.
"It will be." He squeezed her hand and resumed walking. "But first we have to get through this meeting."
Leia pushed everything else from her mind, making a decision to focus more energy on her relationship with Wesley. This was safe, this was comfortable. There were no complications, and she knew Wes would never decide to just pick up and leave. Yes, this was the easiest path.
Han slammed some tools around the hold, ignoring the clanging sounds that reverberated in his ears.
Women! Who knew how they were ever going to react to anything? He had no idea. Leia had spent the two-day trip from Moltare ignoring him. He knew she had been unnerved by the kiss, but how could she act as if it hadn't happened? Had it meant nothing to her? After her passionate reaction, he found that hard to believe.
She had been on his mind constantly since it had happened. Aside from his disappointment at her pushing him away, he was worried that he had damaged their friendship. Whatever was between them, he didn't want to lose her.
She had said it was a mistake. It hadn't felt like a mistake, but after the way she ran away afterwards, perhaps it was. He didn't understand what it was she wanted. She had been so receptive to the kiss at first, but then she had withdrawn.
What should he do? Should he go to her? Tell her it had been a mistake? That it would never happen again? That he hadn't felt the kiss in every fiber of his being?
Or should he tell her the truth? That he wanted her, wanted her more than anything. That she haunted his thoughts and invaded his dreams. He hadn't allowed himself to admit these thoughts before. Now he could not escape them.
Seeking to solve a problem that he did understand, Han picked up the hydrospanner he had so angrily hurled aside. He opened a nearby panel and began fine tuning the mechanism there. As his hands worked on familiar problems, his mind began to calm. He released a weary sigh.
How had things become so complicated? He thought back to a year ago, when he had first met the young Princess. He had immediately thought her to be breathtaking, but had never imagined he would develop such deep feelings for her. What was it about her? He could pinpoint several things that he found fascinating about her, of course. Aside from her beauty, there was the graceful way she carried herself, the quiet dignity she possessed. Then there was her intense respect for life. He had seen her deeply affected over the loss of Rebels she had barely known. He had never met anyone, particularly amongst the circles in which he had traveled, who held all life in such high regard.
Despite her royal upbringing, she considered no one beneath her. Here he was, a smuggler with a highly questionable background, and she had embraced his friendship as readily as she would have a prince. She had the biggest, most sensitive heart he had ever known. She both loved and hated with such passion. He imagined being with her would be an experience of unparalleled intensity.
He knew Tobin was her lover. He made no pretense about it. Yet, she seemed such an innocent. Han was able to elicit a blush on her cheeks with the most of tame of comments. He adored that about her. She was so easy to get a rise out of.
His mind returned to the kiss. The tenderness of her touch, the passion that she held in check with such obvious effort...
Unexpectedly, two arms wrapped themselves around his chest, causing him to jump in surprise. How had he not heard the footsteps?
Bria laughed at his reaction. "You're slipping, Han. I've never been able to sneak up on you on your own ship before."
Man, I have got to stop letting Leia get to me like this. He turned to face Bria, an undeniable guilt sweeping through him. He felt torn in two directions at once. One path seemed to be blocked, while the other, more familiar path, called to him without hesitation.
"Hey," he said quietly.
"I missed you." She kissed him long on the lips, pressing herself against him.
Han responded automatically, trying not to think. This was a potentially dangerous game he was playing here. He hadn't meant to play, but he found himself caught up in it nonetheless. He knew he was being unfair to Bria. Even if things were less than perfect between them, it was wrong for him to be actively pursuing another woman. He didn't want to hurt her. At this point, he doubted much of anything was going to happen between himself and Leia anyway. There was no reason for Bria to know anything.
She broke the kiss and smiled at him, running her hands up and down his chest. "How was the mission? I know you got Rieekan back."
"Uneventful."
"That's always good."
"What have you been up to?"
"Oh, I've been busy. I just got back yesterday from Ord Mantell. We got a shipment of airspeeders." She grinned.
"Great," he answered without enthusiasm.
Her expression grew concerned. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, sure. Of course. I'm just tired."
"Well." She linked her arm through his and guided him towards the ramp. She leaned close and whispered in his ear. "Maybe we should go to bed then."
That was the last thing Han felt like doing. "Well, uh, I'm kinda hungry. Why don't we get something to eat?"
Her eyebrows rose in disbelief. "You'd rather eat? Who are you?" She laughed lightly.
He smiled weakly. "I must be getting old, Hon."
She laughed, eyes sparkling. "I suppose I'll have to find a way to liven you up, old man."
They reached the bottom of the ramp, and Han glanced around, almost expecting to find Leia nearby. He didn't. They started on their way to the mess area, Han's thoughts caught between guilt and denial. He held Bria's hand, feeling that the galaxy was spinning out of control around him.
Han lay back against the pillow in his bunk, Bria curled up beside him. He hadn't felt like making love, but she had been surprisingly persuasive. It was awful. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Leia. He wasn't sure who he felt more guilty towards in this scenario. He knew that was a ridiculous thought, since he had nothing with Leia, and so owed her no fidelity.
Still, he had this nagging feeling that he had somehow betrayed Leia, even though he knew the thought was ridiculous. Maybe it was her innocence that made him feel that way. Again, he found his mind pulled powerfully to that overpowering kiss in the cockpit. He didn't want to, but he couldn't help but compare kissing Leia with kissing Bria. Kissing Bria had always been great, ever since the first time. But kissing Leia...
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Kissing Leia was something else entirely, something he had never experienced before. He hadn't imagined he could feel so much from just one kiss. It had touched him in a way that he didn't understand, making him feel a multitude of confusing emotions he had never dreamed of: a fierce possessiveness; an uncontrollable desire to hold her and never let her go; to give her everything he had, everything she wanted; to see her smiling, laughing, for her to want him as he wanted her; to place her happiness above all.
Her happiness seemed the most important thing in the galaxy to him. If she truly didn't want him, he wouldn't push her. But he knew she wanted him. He just couldn't figure out why she fought it, with almost as much determination as she fought this war. She certainly wasn't happy. He knew her well enough to know the sorrows she carried in her heart. But he knew, he was certain, that he could make her happy. The only time he saw her smile, a genuine simle that reached her eyes, was when she was with him. And Han had observed her with others, he knew she didn't smile like that for anyone else.
He looked down at the woman lying beside him. He didn't want to hurt her. But he was beginning to see that he didn't love her anymore, not the way he once had. He cared for her, but this thing with Leia was more powerful than any feeling he had ever known. At the moment, he couldn't bring himself to let Bria know his feelings had changed. He didn't want to cause her pain if he didn't have to, and since Leia was just avoiding him at the moment, there was no reason to deal with this yet.
You're a coward, Solo, he told himself. He had to smile at that. If there was one thing he never thought of himself as, it was a coward. But in this situation, he had to admit, he was afraid to face it head-on.
Exhausted and sick of thinking, Han rolled over to his side, away from Bria, and let himself drift into unconsciousness.
Alone in her small quarters, Leia fastened the braids tight to her head while mentally preparing herself for another day. Her first order of business was a meeting, the first that Rieekan would chair since his return a week ago. It had been a turbulent week, peppered with crisis at every turn, including the sudden failure of the main power generator. Leia was thankful for the distractions. It did not allow her to think of him.
Leia had managed to avoid Han Solo since their return from Moltare, through her busy schedule, and because Wesley was monopolizing her free time. For some unfathomable reason, he had decided to approach their relationship from an entirely new angle, becoming an understanding, patient, romantic companion. He was back to being the man he had been, before Han's arrival at the base on Torridos.
It hadn't changed her feelings, but it did make life easier. She no longer had to listen to his complaints or petty jealousies. And, since his company was infinitely more pleasurable than it had been, she enjoyed being with him, a perfect distraction from what had happened with Han.
Leia absently applied a dab of lipcolor, trying not to think of the Corellian's beautiful, hazel eyes or the way his lips had felt against hers. They were not so easy for her mind to ignore.
An insistent rap at the door caused her to startle. With a tiny sigh of annoyance, she went to the door and called through it, "Who's there?"
The voice that came through caused her heart to flutter in her chest like a nest-fly trying to break free. "It's me."
The deep rumble of Han's voice sent a sliver of fear down her spine. With trembling hands, Leia palmed the door open and hated the way her stomach flip-flopped at the sight of him, standing tall and heartachingly appealing.
"Hey," he said softly, stepping past her into her quarters before she could protest.
"Hi," she responded feebly.
He walked across the small room and sat on her bunk without preamble. His nerve annoyed her, fueling her defenses, strengthening her resolve.
"Is there something I can do for you?" she asked sharply. She regretted it instantly when she saw the way his cocky expression faltered to something resembling hurt confusion.
"Leia, what's going on? Are you mad that I kissed you?"
His words caused her hands to resume their trembling, and she shoved them into her pockets, averting her eyes at the same moment. "No, I'm not mad, Han." This was the exact conversation she had been trying desperately to avoid. But this was Han, who never let her get away with anything.
He waited for more, and when she did not continue, he asked softly, "Well, then what is it?"
"I just...I'm not mad. I just feel...uncomfortable around you now." She continued to stare at the floor.
He stood quickly and was before her, his hand gently lifting her chin. Their eyes met, and that disturbing vulnerability washed over her. If he kissed her again, she wasn't sure she could resist.
He didn't kiss her, only whispered, "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. If I had known it was going to come between us like this, I never would have done it."
That admission caused something akin to disappointment to grip her. She pushed that aside, knowing it was irrational.
"I don't want us to stop being friends." His eyes bored into hers, making her feel weaker with each word he spoke. "I care about you. And I think you care about me too."
"Of course, I do," she responded a bit too quickly.
He grinned that sexy, lopsided grin and brought his face close enough to hers to make her dizzy. "Then stop avoidin' me. You're makin' me paranoid."
Unable to stand his proximity another moment, she took a step away from him, turning to the reflector and making a show of straightening her braids. "Who would have thought Han Solo was capable of being paranoid?" she teased in a voice that was stronger than she felt.
"I have my moments, Your Worship," he grinned.
"I'm sure." Her gaze met his in the reflector and she gave him a wry smile.
He came closer to her from behind, his eyes growing serious again. "Look, obviously I shouldn't have kissed you. If I scared you somehow-"
She spun to face him, indignant at the truthfulness of his remark. "I didn't say you scared me."
He looked at her knowingly. "Lemme finish."
She clamped her mouth shut, afraid of what insights he might reveal next.
"I don't want you to run away from me. Whatever is going through your head about the kiss, I want us to get past it." He raised an eyebrow. "You wanna tell me what you've been thinking?"
She stared at him challengingly. "No. Do you want to tell me what you're thinking?"
He smirked. "Only if you go first."
She rolled her eyes. "Typical," she muttered.
He grinned. "That's my girl."
Her heart jumped as he took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. Her mind flashed with an unexpected memory of what his mouth tasted like, and she flinched inwardly. Her heart wanted to respond to that statement. Am I your girl, Han? Isn't Bria your girl? But she could never say those words.
"So," he was saying, oblivious to her internal struggle. "We're okay here?"
She nodded reluctantly. "Sure."
He eyed her skeptically. "You're not just sayin' that, are you? I'm not gonna see you running the other way in the mess again, am I?"
Amazing how well he could read her. She smiled a bit more genuinely. "No, I'm not going to run from you." If nothing else, her stubborn pride would no longer allow it.
"Good." He leaned over her and gently pressed his lips to her forehead, evoking that same overwhelming emotion that scared her silly. When he pulled away, he looked at her carefully. "That kind of kiss is okay, right?"
The intensity in his eyes only brought new strength to that powerful feeling. She wanted to say, No, it's not. Anytime you touch me, in any way, is not okay. It breaks my heart, every time. "Of course, it is."
He smiled softly. "Okay then. So... we're okay here?"
"Yes." Leave. Please, just leave.
He strolled to the door and palmed it open. "Where are you headed?"
"The conference room." Don't offer to walk me there.
"I'll walk with you."
"You don't have to."
"I've got nothin' else to do."
"Alright then." Damn. She followed him out the door, thinking that things were back to normal yet would somehow never be the same.
