Happy new year! 2020 was cursed, so let us hope 2021 is less cursed.

I changed Haven's first name to Alexandria because I first came up with this story and her name in middle school. I am now in college. Every time I read or write Alexandrite I die a little inside, so I broke down and changed it. The name Alexandria has a good meaning for what I want anyway, so there's that.

Also, this chapter is named for the song "trapped in the thought of free" by Faith Marie.


Chapter 6: trapped in the thought of free

Haven

Blue Earth, Minnesota, USA

January of 1987

It was only a few days later when John announced at breakfast, "Dean, Haven, after you eat, go pack your things. We're leaving in a few hours."

"Leaving? Where?" Haven asked automatically, before she realized she'd reminded him that she existed and snapped her mouth shut.

"Illinois."

She had no idea what Ill-eh-noy was. But no one else was questioning it, so she decided not to let them know she didn't know. Instead she cleaned her plate. She was getting a bit too used to full plates of good food. Every time she couldn't finish it, she'd try to find a way to stash away bits, like the bacon and such, in case she got in Big Trouble one day. But Pastor Jim had found her stash the day before, got that sad look on his face, and took it all away before returning with a box of snacks and saying she could keep that for if she ever got too hungry.

Haven wasn't sure what to do with that, so she'd hidden some of the snacks in her bag, some in her pillow case, some under her mattress, some in her coat pockets, and some in her clothes drawer. That way if she was in trouble and Pastor Jim took those, too, she'd still have some that he might not have found. Maybe he'd think she'd eaten the others.

By the way he was watching her, she didn't think she'd be able to get away with sneaking any of the toast away this time, so instead she finished everything on the plate and quietly collected the plates and put them in the sink. Pastor Jim kept telling her to let him do the dishes, but he didn't seem to mind if she brought them to the sink for him.

As she stepped into the kitchen, she noticed Pastor Jim following her and went tense. Had she done something wrong? She set the plates and utensils down and turned to look at him as he approached her.

"Haven, I…" Pastor Jim began. He sighed. She waited silently for him to get to the point. "You'll be going with John and the boys, but you'll… If you ever need me, give me a call. At any time, for anything." He held out a piece of paper to her with a series of numbers on it. She jumped when he settled a hand on her shoulder, but it wasn't a hit. It was just… there. Not painful at all. She quietly watched him, waiting to see if it would become painful after a few moments but it didn't change. "Got it?"

He wanted a response. "Er… yes?" No. She didn't. But she took the paper and slid it into her pocket. She wouldn't dare call him. He might get mad at being disturbed. She wasn't allowed to use the phone anyway.

"Good." He smiled and let go of her. She relaxed slightly, but he was still looking at her. "Things will be better. They'll look after you."

Things were already better. A bit. Uncomfortable, but some of that would go away when she wasn't always around Pastor Jim with his niceness. She had her own things, and Sammy was cute. Dean was at least better than Dudley.

Haven studied Pastor Jim for a little while. He hadn't once broken his nice mask. She was probably supposed to show gratitude.

"... Thank you. For the bed, and the food, and letting me stay under the roof you pay for, and… the presents."

His smile was a nice smile. "You're very welcome… You should get your things packed. We'll be able to say goodbye before you go."

Haven nodded and left the room to collect her few things. She double checked that she wasn't forgetting a single thing. If she left anything behind, she would probably never get it back. The others didn't take too long with their things, either. It didn't seem like any of them had too much to pack, unlike the Dursleys. They always had so much stuff they took with them on trips.

She sat on the couch, holding the bag of all of her belongings tightly to her chest while Pastor Jim and John exchanged their goodbyes. Dean had his bag and Sammy's, and was holding the little boy tightly by the hand. When Pastor Jim was done talking to John, he knelt down for his goodbyes with Dean and Sam.

Then he turned to her, as he had promised earlier. She sat there, wondering if he was going to hug her like he had Sammy, or maybe he'd take her bag and take back all of the things he had given her, since she wouldn't be staying with him anymore. Her arms tightened around the bag at the thought. She didn't want to give up the few things she could call hers now. Even if that meant taking the bag and running, she'd do it. He couldn't take something if he couldn't catch her.

However, Pastor Jim just smiled at her and held out a hand. As she stared at it suspiciously, he chuckled and said, "I won't bite. It's for you to shake it."

"Why?" Haven asked, looking up at his face and trying to decide if he was going to use the chance to take the unprotected bag.

"It's a goodbye shake," Pastor Jim replied. "We won't be seeing each other for a while."

Hesitantly, she reached out to take his hand. After one quick shake she let go to secure her bag. It was still there, unopened. He hadn't demanded or taken anything from her. Yet.

His tone quieter, Pastor Jim said, "Remember, you can call me anytime you ever need anything. You can also send letters if you would like. Just ask John for my address if you want to send one."

There was no way she was going to bother John with something like an address just to send letters to Pastor Jim. He probably wouldn't even read them. But Pastor Jim seemed to be waiting for a reply, so she said, "Okay."

"Good. Take care of yourself, Haven," Pastor Jim said. That seemed to be the end of it. John led the three of them to his car and they loaded their things and themselves inside. Haven was placed between Dean and Sammy in his carseat, her bag between her feet where she could reassure herself it was still there. John turned on the car, turned up music that would surely have the Dursleys yelling at her if they knew she was listening to it, and drove off.

For some reason, she found herself watching the house disappear in the back window. There was a strange feeling in her chest. Even if he was confusing… maybe she would miss him. A little. A part of her wondered what it would be like if she got to stay with him. If he really was as nice as he acted. If he really cared about a freak like her.

What would that even be like? Would it be like on the telly, with hugs and presents and good advice? Like Dudley, who got everything he ever asked for? She didn't want to be like Dudley, but… maybe she did wish someone would treat her a bit like that. Not her Uncle and Aunt, though. But someone else. Someone that might be a little like Pastor Jim.

She bit her lip and told herself she was just being a stupid baby. She was staying with John, Dean, and Sammy. Real adults weren't nice to her, unless they were pretending. It didn't matter, because it was going to be better than the Dursleys anyway. It already was. She had clothes that fit and things that were just hers, not things she'd taken from Dudley when he wasn't looking.

Still, she couldn't get rid of that little wondering, sad feeling. Stupid feeling.


Alexandria woke to the sound of Aunt Petunia knocking sharply on the door to her cupboard.

"Up! Get up, girl!" ordered Aunt Petunia. Alexandria sighed into her thin blanket and dragged herself up. She felt around for Dudley's hand-me-downs and quickly changed. She ran a brush through her hair, knowing it wouldn't do anything to fix her messy hair, and made her way to the kitchen.

Alexandria thought of her dream. It had been scary, but quite obviously a dream. This was her life. She was Alexandria Potter, daughter of hooligans and freaks, and she didn't get presents for Christmas. She didn't get to eat if she didn't help, make it, or steal it in the middle of the night.

Only a stupid baby would wish for anything else.


Haven

Sycamore, Illinois, USA

February of 1987

Haven had half-expected Dean to have left without her. But there he was, waiting for her where they had met up after school every other day since they'd started attending the new one.

She hated the new one more than she had the old one.

Dean blinked as he got a good look at her, staring at her face. "... What happened to you?"

Haven stared back at him, grip tight on her school bag. If there was one good thing in all of it, she'd at least kept the bag, and made the other kids regret trying to take it. Her clothes were streaked with dirt, her hair had been yanked out of the ponytail, and she could feel the bruise on her face. She had nearly gotten used to being without bruises, making this one hurt even worse as a reminder of what they felt like.

"Jamie, Angela, and the rest were gonna take my stuff. I didn't let them," Haven replied.

"You got in a fight?" Dean asked, scanning her with his eyes. "Are you hurt anywhere else? Or just your face?"

Haven hugged her bag closer and started walking towards the place they were staying now. It was a bit of a walk from school, but it wasn't far enough away to need a bus. The walking hurt a bit because of the throbbing in her ankle, but she'd had to walk on worse.

"You're limping. Is your ankle broke?" Dean asked as he easily caught up with her.

She shook her head. "No."

"Did ya punch them back, or did ya just let them beat up on-"

"I still got my bag, don't I?" Haven snapped.

"Okay, okay, got it," Dean said, but he was still looking at her doubtfully. Maybe he thought she was too small to fight. But he was wrong. She'd hit and scratched and bit to get them to leave her alone. The other kids had been picking on her since she started going to this school, saying mean things and pushing her around during recess like Dudley and his friends used to do.

After a bit longer of quiet, Dean asked, "So… Jamie, Angela, and… who else?"

"Tyler. And Mark," Haven answered, kicking a rock across the sidewalk. "What's it to you?"

"Nothing, I guess."

Dean didn't ask any more questions for the rest of the way. They entered the little rundown rooms they were staying in, Dean setting down his bag carelessly. John was at the table with a bunch of papers that he was reading. Sammy immediately toddled towards them with a big smile.

"Hey, Sammy. Hey, dad. We're back from school," Dean said, ruffling Sammy's mop of brown hair. John nodded but he seemed like he was too busy reading.

Sammy then followed her to the bedroom as she went to put her stuff down with the rest of her things. He was smiling until she turned to him and he got a good look at her face. Then his big eyes widened, glistening with tears, as he reached up to touch a bruise.

"Ouch. Hurts?" Sammy said.

He looked so concerned that Haven couldn't help smiling at him. He was cute and nice, so she thought it was okay to smile at him. "Not too bad."

It took him a few moments, but Sammy managed to assemble the words he wanted. "Why are you hurt?"

"Some mean kids wanted to take my stuff. When I didn't let them they hit me, but I hit them back," Haven said.

"That's mean. Hitting is bad."

"Well, they hit me first so if I don't hit them back I'm a wuss. And if I hit good enough they might leave me alone."

Sammy grabbed her wrist and tugged. He wasn't very strong, but he was usually insistent enough that she followed him anyway. "Don't go. They hit. Stay and play."

She'd like nothing more. School was stupid.

"I can't. I have to go."

Sammy made a face. "Stupid."

"Very stupid."


Dean Winchester

Sycamore, Illinois, USA

February of 1987

Dean had just pretended not to know what had happened. Actually, he saw some of it. When he realized Haven was running late, he had gone to go look for her.

He caught sight of them outside, out of the sight of any teacher. The group had Haven cornered against the wall. She hugged her bag tight and glared.

"One of the toys went missing, and we know you have it! Let me see!" A little blond boy demanded, lunging for her bag. She turned just enough to save the bag, but then one of the other boys pushed her down into the dirt.

"I didn't take it, stupid! Don't touch my stuff!" Haven yelled, scrambling back to her feet with dirt on her clothes. Dean stepped forward, before thinking better of it and hiding mostly out of sight. Haven would just get mad if he did anything. She'd say she didn't need him to baby her.

So he'd just watched as they yanked on her hair and hit on her and she punched, kicked, and bit back. He watched as they tried to go for the bag, didn't manage it, and after a while they gave up on it. One of the boys had scratches all over his face. The only girl was crying over one of her bruises from where Haven kicked her.

When he saw them leaving, Dean rushed to get to the place they were supposed to meet up and pretended like he didn't see anything when Haven caught up.

But he couldn't help but think about it. He'd just stood there and let her get hurt. He didn't even try to defend her. Sure she was mean and sounded a bit weird, but those bruises looked like they hurt. Even if she was intruding in his family, he kinda liked her sometimes. She was nice to Sammy at least, and always shared when she made food. She was old enough to play catch with. She was pretty good at it, for a girl.

As he tried to sleep, he thought of how sad Sammy had been. He would have rushed in to help her, even with him being so little.

Something had to be done. It was Dean's job to do it.

It took him a few days to come up with what to do and when. Since he was a year older, he was mostly separated from the younger kids during the day. At lunch, he could examine the table Haven and her year had to sit at and find where the group sat together, but he was at another table and the teachers watched too closely. He couldn't do anything at recess, either, since they had recess at different times.

He considered giving it up entirely, but then remembered that she must have gotten beat on once class let out, since she was late to meet up with him. If he tried then, he could probably get his chance.

Dean knew where Haven's class was, because he escorted her there every morning before going to his own class, even though it annoyed her. Even if she didn't want to be little, she was littler than he was. Not just in age. She was small, even for a girl. She wasn't Sammy-small, but Dean still felt like someone needed to be looking after her with all the trouble she got into.

It was two days before he caught them. He watched Haven from a safe distance, and saw the group of kids pass her by. One of them tripped her, and they all laughed as they walked away and Haven glared into their backs. Dean waited until Haven got up and was out of sight before following after the group.

"Are you the kids who beat up on Haven?" Dean asked with his arms crossed after some time of following the group of kids towards the buses. They all stopped and turned back to look at him.

"What's it to you?" One of the boys demanded.

Dean didn't really know how to answer that, so he just moved on to his point. "If you fight or bother her again, I'm going to come find you with some of my friends and beat up on you. So you're going to leave her alone and find something else to do."

He glared at all of them, silently daring them to challenge him. All of them looked angry, but they stayed quiet, glancing at each other.

"Got it?" Dean demanded after the quiet went on long enough.

The girl- must be Angela- stomped her foot and said, "Why do you care? What are you, her boyfriend? She's weird, and we're supposed to share the toys but she never does. She's always in trouble with Mrs. Becker."

Dean made a face. While Haven was cooler than most girls, she was still littler than him and that just sounded icky. "No. She's my friend. And none of you little babies are going to mess with her from now on, unless you wanna deal with me and my other friends."

He wasn't actually sure his 'friends' would help him, but he doubted these little guys weren't going to take him seriously. He was a year older than them. They had to listen.

Satisfied, he turned on his heel and started walking away, giving the little group a mocking wave as he went. He had to meet up with Haven before she got suspicious. She would just get angry if she knew he did anything, and say something about how she didn't need any of his protecting, even when she definitely did need it.

Well, she was just a little 6 year old, what did she know?


Thank you for reading!