Chapter Forty Four: Japanese death joke something something DEATH

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Leave it to Naruto to start a buffet dinner right after introducing the idea of letting loose a seemingly unstoppable eldritch monster onto the world.

More so when the buffet is food that he had stored away much like the alcohol from earlier, and half consisting of dishes and produce that clearly did not exist from their world.

Surprisingly enough, the person that was asking the most questions was Kaguya.

"Fascinating. To be able to convert minimal nutrients and gases into such a substantial amount of fluid bearing fruit." The woman mused, ignoring everyone around her as she curiously examined what resembled the cross between a watermelon and a coconut, except the shell appeared to be made of literal brown stone.

"It's a bit tarty, but yeah, this sucker's been modified to help planets with suboptimal atmospheres. They can grow in most environments with a pretty wide range of temps. They can also generate oxygen levels over time too. Enough to set things up for the more robust plants at least." Naruto was just as oblivious to the looks.

"And I suppose that in order to access the contents-," Kaguya tilted the large fruit over curiously as though she was a child and not a stern noble.

"Yeah. The stem's the way to go. Just wedge it a bit and…"

With a small tug, the half wrist sized stem popped off to reveal a hole with a tart and tangy scent coming from it.

"An interesting odor." She commented idly.

"It's used mostly for mixed drinks."

"I can tell."

"And supposedly amplifies the effects of alcohol in said mixed drinks."

"… Go on."

"Please tell me you are reaching the limits of your patience for this madness as well Hokage." Ay glared at Tsunade as they and the other Kage stood back from the food to talk in private.

"As much as I'd like to claim otherwise, I am." The Hokage sighed as she spied Hinata warily examine the various foods on display, though never straying far from Naruto. The girl was probably trying to give the others confidence that there was nothing wrong with the dishes. "Not that the sudden break isn't welcome. We do have enough to digest already as is."

"A pity it isn't all alcohol." Onoki grunted, looking at his glass.

"It's probably why he pulled this stunt in the first place." Gaara noted. "Knowing Naruto, he has something worse after this and is using this time to get us to cool our heads."

"Indeed." Mei hummed. "So, how much of that nonsense do you all buy? I can tell that even you have some reservations, Hokage."

"I've seen enough to know that even if Naruto's stretching some of the truth, he's unfortunately right in all the ways that matter." Tsunade shook her head. "I couldn't care less about multiple realities and the like, but if there is an outside force beyond our ability to deal with that's coming our way, steps need to be taken one way or another. That said, he caught me by surprise when he let that… woman, into the room. I didn't even know he could do that in his current state."

"Outside force or inside, that brat is insulting us all." Ay scowled, holding back his urge to shift slightly. Ever since Kaguya entered the room, there had been an overwhelmingly uncomfortable pressure. The only reason why nobody had complained yet was because everyone in the room was a veteran warrior with a disposition to match. "I'm sickened that you are taking his nonsense so seriously. Are you actually considering his claim of making a new village? Or were you all in on it to begin with?"

"Watch your tongue Raikage, or I'll have to start to reconsider who the biggest fool at the summit is." Onoki growled. "In case you've forgotten, Iwa was besieged by all that so called madness. We saw it all firsthand. What laid low my people wasn't simple jutsu or mere power. There are parties we aren't familiar with at play. Like the Hokage, I don't give a damn where it comes from, but it needs to be addressed, and the brat is our best asset right now to do it. If it means dealing with your petulant complaining, so be it."

"I've less experience with these forces than the Hokage, and less traumatic than the Tsuchikage, but my being a Jinchuriki does give me a certain perspective." Gaara hummed. "Time travel aside, there are foreign forces in our world at work. All of the Jinchuriki would say as such. And from what I've been told, many contract holders have been getting warnings from their respective elders as of late as well. I shouldn't have to underscore how concerning that news should be to everyone."

Warnings from the elders of a single summon contract was concerning enough. Warnings from multiple alone could start and stop wars depending on the circumstances. Shit like that simply didn't happen unless all hell was about to break lose.

"Yes. About that Kazekage. Time travel? Care to elaborate a bit on that? You too Hokage." Mei asked curiously. "I've probed Zabuza and Haku about the matter myself, but you can't blame me for being skeptical. More so when they claimed that their memories didn't span long."

"Memories." Tsunade scoffed. "Like Naruto said, they died in Wave. What carried over for them was only a couple of weeks worth. Lucky bastards. I had to relive four years in the office. I was literally doing the same work again ad nauseam. Inauguration paperwork is worse the second time going through it."

Gaara grimaced. If anything he had it worse given that he had to convince the skeptics in his village all over again.

"I bet Sarutobi had a good laugh at that." Onoki chuckled.

"He did. Until I forced him to help me with it. Old monkey couldn't use being dead to get out of it this time." The Hokage smirked, holding up her drink to her sensei.

"I can get behind that." The Tsuchikage christened their glasses with an evil grin that matched her own.

"Don't tell me you two spent all your time wasting what you supposedly knew on doing your paperwork faster and focusing only on Akatsuki." Ay scowled.

"Nope. Actually I used it to cut off a few dozen internal problems that were going to plague Konoha over time and restructured our budget so that we tripled our income compared to last time." Tsunade sighed languidly.

"Seven times for Suna." Gaara offhandedly noted as if it didn't matter.

Fuck manipulating Gold. Once the numbers were made public, he was in the running for the best Kazekage ever. With his old man near the bottom of the admittedly small list of candidates.

Suck it Rasa, shitty old bastard.

"Should have known. Now all that success your villages have been having lately make more sense." Onoki grumbled. "Guess it wasn't all the Oogakari after all."

"Just don't tell them that. They'd take it as a personal challenge and screw us all over economically for the hell of it." Tsunade muttered with a grimace.

"Mmm." Gaara nodded with a small shiver.

"Tch." Ay clicked his tongue annoyed.

"What's the matter Raikage, jealous that Kumo isn't profiting from the nonsense?" Mei smirked. True Kiri wasn't doing phenomenally, but it was still supposedly doing marginally better this time around if what Tsunade had told her was correct. "You can't keep the act up for much longer. It's not like your country's situation is some grand secret."

And wasn't that the crux of the matter? The Land of Lightning was situated in a peculiar location. It was a fantastic scenic location filled with mountainous landscapes and diverse flora and fauna, great for tourism and the like…

But with shinobi being shinobi and Kumo a military state with an aggressive stance on most places, it drove away most customers.

The predominantly mountainous region made hunting and farming in bulk near impossible. The rare flora and fauna there were a niche market at best.

Fishing was also a bust. Kiri had most of the market cornered. It didn't help that their rough coastline couldn't host or support any large ports. Then there was the fact that they were the "Land of Lightning". Storms were common there. Storms and fishing didn't mix well.

The mountains held some solid and sometimes unique ore deposits, but nothing compared to the Land of Earth. Kumo was a secondary supplier at best, and most of what they mined in their country went into forging their own weapons and tools.

Abusing trade was also a bust. Their products weren't bad, but in terms of trade routes, they were screwed. To the east was nothing but water. Even a child knew that if you wanted a shinobi to protect you on a sea trip, you go to Kiri. And while there were more options when it came to the west, at the end of the day going through Iwa's territory was just faster due to the tunnels made by their Earth specialists over the years. Plus Iwa, like Suna, was next to the major bordering countries leading to the far west, meaning more diverse trading routes and connections.

In short, the Land of Lightning's ENTIRE economy was immensely dependent on the war machine services that Kumogakure provided. It was part of the reason why the other hidden villages were slightly more lenient with the village acting out as often as it did. Kumo didn't have many outs of their situation. Demilitarization would ruin the country and force the Daimyo to do something stupid, which was exactly how the first Shinobi War started in the first place.

As far as Kumo and the Land of Lightning was concerned, peace, or even de-escalation of international conflict, was VERY bad for business.

"You know damn well what I have to work with Mizukage." Ay muttered, crossing his arms and closing his eyes so he didn't have to look at anyone. "I have my priorities, as do the rest of you."

"Then bring it up with the boy." Mei brushed him off. "He's clearly deranged, but not a fool. If he's anywhere near invested in this twisted fantasy plan of his as he claims, he would have done enough research into his audience to know at least some of our perspectives and prerogatives."

"Some. Yes. Albeit perhaps a bit dated." All the Kages turned to Minato as he approached them. "Forgive me for interrupting, but any room for a former Kage?"

"I thought you said Namikaze's dead. You're a clone at best." Ay opened an eye to look at him skeptically.

The blonde shrugged. "At this point, would some minor technicality really be the worst thing?"

"Depends on the context." Tsunade glanced momentarily around the room. Naruto was still with Kaguya, though Hinata was notably a short distance away watching him like a hawk and mother hen. Most of the other Jinchuriki were on the opposite side of the room as Kaguya, for obvious reasons, and talking quietly. The rest of the guards were in their own cliques, Hiruzen was keeping guard over the Daimyo, and…

Hoh? Now this was a surprise. Mifune was speaking with Konan about something in great detail. In fact he was probably talking more than he had during the entire meeting. Itachi was standing nearby and not doing anything.

"Semantics are one thing, but it will take more than some jutsu and a good transformation to convince me of more of your nonsense." Ay huffed.

"Then how about some good memories? Like how your brother came closer to killing me than you did when we first met?" Minato smiled genuinely.

Mei held back a small and polite laugh while the Raikage flustered slightly. It hadn't been a private incident that nobody knew about, but it was one that neither of them would ever forget.

"You practically warped into his sword!"

"Semantics." Minato shrugged helplessly, turning the Raikage's excuses on himself.

"As much as I enjoy watching the Raikage make a fool of himself, I have a theory I hope you can clarify, Namikaze." Onoki chuffed, though his mirth didn't meet his eyes. "While I was in Konoha's care and exposed to your ridiculous madness, you lot mentioned who remembered this time travel nonsense. The names involved were notable, but a bit skewed. Some that I had expected weren't on the list. Others that I hadn't expected were. Then the brat gave us that infuriating soliloquy of what supposedly happened and I noted a certain overlap."

"Oh?" Mei hummed curiously, noting the momentary falter in Tsunade's and Gaara's demeanor.

"Mmm." Onoki wet his tongue with his drink. "Tell me, is it a coincidence that nearly everyone that was confirmed dead in this supposed earlier timeline that isn't a blatant enemy have these memories of a failed world?"

"What." The Raikage frowned.

"It was Asuma Sarutobi, Momochi, and the Yuki that stuck out the most. At first. You mentioned the Daimyo was killed in passing during the trip as well." The Tsuchikage hummed. "But the more I played with the idea the more it made sense. There's a trick to this whole memory nonsense isn't there? Some factor that involves dying in the previous world that needs to be taken into account."

"Shrewd old gnome." Tsunade muttered under her breath before taking another drink.

"It's not like we were going to hide it forever." Minato shrugged carelessly.

"So there is a reason why you couldn't just make us remember. I suspected as much." Mei sighed dejectedly.

"Don't sound envious. You should know of the headache that comes in the process at least. It's not pleasant." Gaara grimaced, remembering his own experience.

"So what, you need to have died in this fantasy world to remember it?" Ay scoffed.

"No, it's not that. It's just that we have a limited number of resources that enables one to remember. We started with five." Minato corrected. "If the person it's used on died in the prior timeline, it can be reused, recycled might be a better word for it in hindsight. We had to be careful to get the most out of them."

The first chain link was used up on Shikamaru.

The second ended on Tsunade.

The third was on Sakura.

The fourth Konan.

The fifth… had been used to sacrifice Nagato's soul to Ghost in order to prevent Jashin from getting its hands on him. To establish the link between the one to be sacrificed and the entity one was sacrificed to.

However…

"How many of these resources do you have left?" Ay asked the million ryo question.

Minato smiled bitterly as he recalled the night that Gai died. When Naruto directly summoned and murdered Ghost alongside destroying a mountain.

And of the paltry compensation that the immortal provided them with at the end of the conversation in the form of a single black ring of unidentifiable metal.

Whether it was planned or fortune was up for debate, but the token had been proven useful. The Daimyo would not have received his memories of the prior timeline otherwise.

"Just one. The rest were used to accelerate the strength of our forces, or to turn key individuals to our side. Unfortunately, the latter was too late in practice." Minato nodded to Konan's direction. The Akatsuki momentarily paused to look warily at him and the other Kage skeptically before resuming her conversation with Mifune.

"So that's why they're cooperating with this nonsense." Ay hummed in comprehension.

"You couldn't have turned them sooner?" Onoki was equally displeased, but for other justifiable reasons.

Tsunade shook her head. "We already explained that the masked Uchiha was the real enemy. He and Zetsu at least. We intended to use Nagato and Konan to lure the pair into a trap they couldn't escape from. Getting to Itachi was difficult enough without arousing suspicion. Nagato and Konan were near impossible unless they made the first move. You've probably tried to infiltrate Amegakure with as much luck as the rest of us over the past decade."

"Then how were you originally going to get at them?" Mei probed.

Minato shrugged. "Surprisingly or not, brute force mixed with some slight of hand. Nothing was decided on yet, but the most likely plan was for Naruto and Jiraiya to sneak into Ame like last time and catch Nagato's and Konan's attention and then go wild. In the middle of the fight I'd come out and Hiraishin everyone to another private location where Zetsu and the Uchiha couldn't follow. Then we'd go all out, hopefully beat them, and then set things up for a quick and clean ending to this headache."

"That sounds so childishly simple that I can easily see it working. If only because nobody would think someone would be dumb enough to do it." Onoki scoffed, though he truly did mean what he said. Between how unnaturally strong Naruto was and how shinobi tended to think, he doubted anyone would be prepared for that setup. Jiraiya was more or less icing on the shitstorm cake in that scenario. It would force anyone to act out of their comfort zone, which was the point of the otherwise suicidal strategy.

"It's a bit more complicated than that, but if you have enough literal power at your disposal, some problems like this can be approached this way. If done right of course."

Ay frowned, but for a different reason this time. "That doesn't sound like you at all, Namikaze."

The former Hokage twitched, his confidence faltering slightly. "Let's just say that my son wasn't the only one that witnessed too many disturbing things these past few years."

"So this trip of yours really was that bad then?" Mei hummed curiously.

"If anything he gave you the censored version. Most of it was training and visiting new worlds, but sometimes we saw the worst that reality had to offer. And it was too much." The man grimaced. "It almost made me look back on the Shinobi Wars fondly. Some of the samples he has in that scroll of his are… unsuited for a meeting of this nature. He won't bring them out unless absolutely needed. Truthfully both Kushina and I wished he didn't bring them at all."

"Must be something if it's gotten under your skin." Ay frowned.

Minato glanced at the man warily. "… We were hosted by a family in one world. Civilian. No powers or abilities anywhere, but the technology was around a century and a half ahead of ours. Parents and a four year old daughter. Heavily populated. The city itself housed at least five million and it was considered only a little bigger than the average in that world."

The other Kage's eyes widened considerably. Five million people would be considered the population of a sizeable country in the elemental nations, yet that was what filled a single city? They had trouble imagining what kind of setup that would require.

The dead man continued with a scowl. "Ghost took us out on a small trip to another dimension for a minor errand. Three days later we came back and some alien despot had invaded with an armada of flying ships, each bigger than a hidden village, and had terraformed a good quarter of the planet for his benefit. The population had been warped into three meter tall monsters with cannons for hands and tubes sticking out of random parts of their bodies. The technology on the mere grunts were nearly a millennia ahead of our hosts', bare minimum. Orochimaru's experiments couldn't even compare to the weapons and devices there."

"Three days? That quickly?" Gaara balked at the idea, and he wasn't the only one.

"The locals were completely steamrolled and caught off guard. Even if they were prepared, they probably would have only been able to hold off the first wave. Their weapons were civilian based, but their technology was strong and mass produced. And it wasn't enough. Naruto and I would have fared just as poorly if Presence wasn't apparently such a balance breaking power that was literally designed to go against the rules of most things." Minato gravely stated.

"Is this Presence power really such a peculiar ability?" Mei asked curiously.

"Apparently. Though I've never seen or heard a detailed explanation on why that's the case." Gaara admitted.

The clone continued. "Regardless, Naruto didn't take it well. He went ballistic. According to Ghost, he set a personal record for how many kills he got with a single War Scars. We never found out the exact number, although it was probably in the tens of thousands. Naruto made it clear that he didn't want to know, and Ghost didn't even try to tease him with it. After that, he went on a rampage and slaughtered the few monstrosities nearby that had survived his assault. He finally stopped when we got back to the remains of the house we were staying at and caved in the chest of the one there…"

"We're not going to like where this is going, are we?" Gaara frowned.

Minato looked at them with a blank look in his eyes. "It was wearing the bracelet of the four year old girl that had been hosting us. We have the body stored for Tsunade to inspect in front of everyone if needed. Personally, I'd prefer if we didn't reach that point."

Judging from the ensuing silence, they didn't blame him. They had all seen terrible things firsthand during war and strife, and none of them wanted to inspect the mutated and weaponized body of a small child.

"… And where was Oogakari during all this?" Ay probed skeptically.

"Ghost, vanished as soon as we realized what was going on and got in contact with the leader of the invasion. He then "kindly" asked him to stop. The monster didn't." Minato started slowly. "We know this because soon after the rejection, Ghost made it so that his conversation with the bastard, and his subsequent screams, were heard by ally and enemy alike everywhere. He then somehow blew up one of the enemy flagships."

"The ships that were the size of a hidden village?" Mei skeptically probed.

"No. The flagships were roughly triple the size of those." Minato corrected gravely.

"Pull the other leg. I might believe you that time." Ay scoffed.

"Sadly we don't have a scroll that can seal something that big. You'll have to settle for the child's corpse." The former kage frowned, causing the Raikage to grimace and keep his mouth shut.

"So I assume the fighting ended then?" Gaara asked.

Minato shook his head. "Not immediately. Orders or not, everyone stopped fighting after hearing a leader scream like that and seeing a massive ship suddenly explode in the distance, but it was only temporary. Ghost then went to the second in command with his usual casual way of doing things. The man had apparently been trying to run away, but didn't make it far. Ghost then just repeated the process."

"He blew up more ships then." Mei surmised.

"No. The second flagship was instantly split in half. The third imploded, literally. It collapsed on itself into a single point until nothing was left."

Onoki clicked his tongue. "Just like in Iwa. I see what that bastard does now. He diversifies his methods on purpose. To show that he's simply playing around and has many options easily available to get what he wants and to crush the morale of everyone there. The longer it takes, the more ways he shows his power over you. Twisted freak."

Minato smiled apologetically, not arguing with the old man. "Well, it worked eventually. Supposedly these people feared their leader, or god, or whatever, something fierce. It wasn't until he got to the fourth of command that the withdraw order was given."

And there it was. Another brief view into the overwhelming and twisted way the Oogakari did things when their usual jokes, smiles, and butchering of conventional logic were falling on deaf ears.

"I thought that the Oogakari were supposed to protect the places they controlled. Doesn't sound like they did a good job there." Ay scoffed.

Minato shrugged. "That planet wasn't a part of their territory. We was just visited it at random. Ghost's a bit of a vagabond compared to the others, aimlessly wandering and spending more time in worlds and realities that aren't his. We spent more time in free worlds or the worlds of other territories over the past few years than we did the Oogakari's. That place was no different. We weren't there long enough to do anything that would deter anybody looking at the world as an easy target."

"Pity." Onoki dryly noted, clearly not meaning it.

"It was shortly after that disaster that Naruto learned Law by accident. That whole, turning into a living storm trick. Completely by accident, mind you. Supposedly it's dangerous to learn for a whole slew of reasons. A forbidden move even for them." Minato laughed bitterly. "He was supposed to be on a minor break. Even Ghost could tell that Naruto was reaching his limits. We were hanging out with some Family members that were pirates, with a ship and everything. An all expense cruise with top quality food and entertainment and the works. It was supposed to be his down time to cool off and get head back straight."

"Haaah. That sounds like something that would happen to Naruto." Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose. "That boy's luck is something disastrous. Even the Oogakari have admitted as much."

A nine foot tall mutated and technologically augmented body of a four year old girl… no, she would prefer not to perform the autopsy of something like that without a great deal of physical and mental preparation on her part.

"A fine horror story you have there, but I don't see how it's our problem if everything goes your way then." Ay remained stoic unlike the others. "This new hidden village your brat's suggesting is supposed to handle that mess. IF it happens. Everything de-escalates, and all the other villages lose their purpose and support. This isn't to any of our advantage."

"That is a matter of opinion Raikage. Our top purpose should be to keep our countries and people safe, and maintain stability. Not to make money for incompetent Daimyo." Mei hummed.

"Suna can attest to that." Gaara frowned, recalling the financial issues he has with his own daimyo.

"Not all of us started working with scraps." The large man tore into Mei and Gaara without any shame, ignoring their very justified and angered reactions. "Suna and Kiri are the weakest of the Five. Broken houses being repaired at best. The rest of us have nowhere to go but down with this setup."

"Says you, Raikage." Surprisingly, Onoki was the one to riposte the statement.

"Oh? I thought you'd be the most agreeable to what I had to say, Tsuchikage."

"I am, but I'm also not a fool. The boy isn't either." The old man took out the booklet that Naruto gave them earlier. "There's actually some halfway decent ideas in here. Then there was all that childish talk about trains on the trip north. If it's even half as profitable as the brat claimed, Iwa can stomach a policy change or two."

Veins seemed to bulge out of the Raikage's skin as his temper finally started to flair. "That's all well and good for you, but that fails to address how or why Kumo would even consider joining in this farce if it's even remotely true."

Onoki rolled his eyes and waved the booklet about again before turning around. "Then read the damn thing you useless gorilla. I'm not going to spoon feed the answer to you. It's near obvious what can be done if you stop being lazy. Enough of this. If you're going to waste my time, I might as well do it on a full stomach. Hopefully some of what the brat has brought won't give me indigestion…"

"AAAANN!"

An unusually loud, feminine, and dare they say orgasmic moan burst from his granddaughter's lips and echoed in the room.

"…" Onoki froze in place, more a statue than anything. Clearly something dear and precious to him on the inside had just died.

"What the- fuck! I took out the Toutsuki dishes by accident! Nobody eat those! I'm saving those for my bachelor party! Shit! I have to reseal them quickly or the heat will go away and ruin the taste! W-wait! Hinata! What are you doing!? Don't eat that!"

"AAANGH?!"

"AAAangh!"

"Why the hell are you still eating Kurotsuchi!? You're supposed to be a tomboy!"

"Can't help it! Mgh! So good! More! Must have more! You should have started the meeting with this stuff you asshole!"

"Do you have any idea how expensive this shit is!? It was hard enough properly sealing it away to preserve the taste and heat at optimal levels!"

"Mmmm!"

"Kagu-baba! Not you too! I thought you were better than that! I'm trying to sell the fact you're a literal world power here!"

"Ahiiii!"

"Shizune-nee so help me I am not above smacking you woman! I know damn well you're doing this on purpose!"

Gush.

"Boy, do try not to bleed over the food." Kaguya absently projected a shield over her dish as Naruto started to spew red fluid from his wounds due to the elevated blood pressure.

"And whose fault is that?!"

"On second thought, if anyone needs me, I'll be testing how well my new hand works on the boy's throat." The Tsuchikage mechanically began to float to Naruto with glowing eyes of vengeance.

As one, the people from Konoha (that weren't eating) facepalmed. "Damn it Naruto!"

o. o. o.

"So then, how many of you want to bang blondie again?"

"What?"

"Seriously?"

"It's a legit question! You know how nobles and political creeps try to fix everything with a good shag."

"Anko, you try to fix everything with a good shag."

"No, I try to fix everything with stabbing and poison first. Then resort to an amazing shag if those fail. You know this."

Hana rubbed her temple tiredly as she apologetically looked at the three girls on the other side of the table. All were foreigners from different countries. All were here for Naruto for one reason or another. All had been involved one way or another in the potential political disaster involving the Kusa shinobi trying to infiltrate the Uzumaki compound. "Sorry about this. Anko's a great interrogator but a terrible person. None of you are in any trouble. We just want an overview of what happened."

Shion smiled shakily before nodding. She had spent enough time with Konoha shinobi and Naruto to handle at least some of their eccentricities. "It's fine. These things happen."

"You're taking this well for a civilian." Karin scoffed, glaring at Anko. "Seriously though lady, why would I want to bone my psychopath cousin?"

"Because people will find just about any reason to screw anything. You think I'm bad? You should see those freak nobles in the capital and the pricks with money." Anko played idly with a kunai before noticing the faintest spark in a corner of the room. "That means you too Scab. You know how bad of a gossip your sister is when plastered. I know about the Cairo party, wherever the hell that is."

It was an interesting thing, being able to witness a spark exist on its lonesome and be able to tell that it was annoyed.

"Who?" Shizuka looked around warily. "Are we being watched?"

"By the worst voyeurs that exist." The Serpent Mistress muttered, rolling her eyes. "Still, Red has a point. You're doing pretty well for yourself princess."

"Priestess." Shion corrected.

"Whatever. You got balls."

"Excuse me?"

"She means you're used to more rough and uncertain events than we expected." Hana translated.

"… Well, I'm somewhat accustomed to assassination attempts, so this isn't too much of a deviation of what I experience back home." Shion admitted, twirling a finger in the air to generate a small barrier above her head. She couldn't use her ability to go back in time to alter events for the time being, but she could still defend herself somewhat.

"A barrier user? That's pretty rare, even for shinobi." Hana blinked in surprise. "To be able to conjure one that easily is quite an accomplishment."

"So the rumors from the Land of Demons were true after all." Shizuka frowned slightly but otherwise didn't show any further emotion.

"I didn't have much else to do in my spare time once the politicking was done with, and I didn't want to see more of my guard die protecting me from my enemies." Shion blushed. "However I didn't think I'd need it much here."

"That's why we're in this sketchy room. To make sure that this nonsense doesn't happen again. Even if you weren't the target." Anko sighed and took out a folder of documents and opened it up. "Okay. I know you've gone over this a dozen times already, but from the top."

Karin huffed and shook her head. "Fine. If we have to. Shion and I are staying at the Uzumaki compound. The stalker showed up after lunch at the front door, which was when I noticed an unfamiliar chakra signature. He reacted and attacked. Shion protected us from the assault, and Shizuka fought him since she was closer to him than the ANBU and the guards were. After that, your bug using friend swarmed the bastard in an ambush and took him down."

As a general rule, at least one member of the Konoha thirteen, or their affiliates, was always part of the detail when it came to the Uzumaki compound after Shion arrived. Partially because they were that capable. Partially because they were usually among the first people called whenever something regarding Naruto was involved. Or exploded.

"You didn't recognize the guy?" Anko flipped through the papers and held up a picture of the assailant's unmasked face. Scars, bruises, cuts and all. Brown hair. Tan skin. Other than a few minor marks and scars, a completely unremarkable face. "Judging from the poisons he tried to off himself with and the concoctions he had on hand, odds are he was from Kusa. He was decked with quality shit too. Poisons are a thing of mine, so I can tell he wasn't a cheap hire."

If he was hired to begin with. There weren't many that could or would sneak into a hidden village without a sickeningly big check, a knife at their throat, or a signoff from the top brass.

"There weren't many in Kusa I was allowed to get close to. They had a thing against foreigners." Karin grit her teeth, clearly annoyed and pushing back the memories of what happened to her mother. "Other than Sensei and some of his friends, everyone kept me at arm's length."

Literally and figuratively if the marks on her body were any indication.

"And you're certain he came after you in particular." Hana frowned at the redhead.

"My barriers stopped his weapons right in front of her. They were all aimed at what I could only guess were lethal spots." Shion answered.

"They were. I could tell from my position." Shizuka agreed with her evenly.

"And how do we know you weren't working with him and your actions weren't a cover?" Anko asked skeptically. "From what I can tell, you've been hovering around the property daily for weeks now. The only reason why we haven't taken you in for questioning already is because you have minor diplomatic immunity and you never hid what you were doing from anyone."

She wouldn't be the first girl to stalk Naruto in a sketchy way, but Hinata's stalking was another story as far as Konoha was concerned. Less dangerous for the village, and more dangerous for the jinchuriki's hips.

"She's here for my insane cousin. Not me. And not for Kusa. We've talked several times about it and I can tell when someone's lying." Karin shifted her glasses in a way that made them glint. "As far as I can tell, her intervention was a convenient accident."

"We've gathered as much. There's still some debate on whether to pity you or not for your goals. Hinata does not appreciate competition if she can help it." Anko flickered through some papers, ignoring the looks she got from everyone else in the room. "We've managed to identify where our guest was staying in the village and our boys are investigating the place now, though I doubt they'll find much. Anyone good enough to sneak into enemy territory and willing to expose themselves for a kill will probably have cleaned the place out by now. Best we can hope for is signs of potential accomplices in the area."

"And if there aren't?' Shion asked skeptically.

"Then we still double your security detail, if only for appearances sake." Anko waved her hand lazily before pointing at Shizuka. "That includes you too stalker."

The Nadeshiko Kunoichi frowned. "I thought I had more than adequately proved my ability in fighting the attacker evenly, especially if he was as dangerous as you claimed."

"You proved you're an obstacle. One that we're responsible for if you get killed here." The elder woman glanced up with a rare unamused look. "Not that we don't appreciate your help, but as extensive as your training is dealing with poisons, I doubt you'd be able to handle what Kusa's elites pump out if they were intending to get you. Especially when armed with the doses intended to take out an Uzumaki with a healing factor. You'd have better luck poisoning most boss summons than Red here."

"Th-that's ridiculous. My immune system is strong, but it isn't that potent." Karin stammered, playing with her glasses some more while her body shivered.

"Tell that to the prick that was aiming for you. I wasn't joking when I said he was armed with some expensive shit." Anko drawled. As someone that studied under Orochimaru, she liked to think she knew the difference between a generic poison and something particularly special. "So the next question is why they'd make such an effort and investment to take you down in another village's territory."

That indeed was the big question, wasn't it? Risking war for only a single girl.

"Couldn't they claim ignorance?" Karin asked nervously. "Did he say that he was from Kusa?"

"No. Other than the poison there's nothing to identify him as such. They can easily claim innocence. But that's what we have Yamanaka for, and my dear student Ino has been itching to prove her worth recently. I think you've met her already, right?"

Blonde and blue eyes? A tad overly sadistic? Loves to socialize and gossip? Runs with Naruto's small circle of friends? Oh yes. They met her.

"We've talked." Karin deadpanned, the other two nodding next to her.

"She was part of my escort back to Konoha." Shion smiled shakily. Ino was far too open in her tastes and personal life for her comfort. "I thought she was still in Iwa providing medical support?"

"Her stay was shorter than the others medics. Being a clan heiress sometimes comes with stipulations. Especially when your clan's known for information gathering and mind walking. Medical support or not, she's too big of a security risk to keep around in a major village for long." Hana elaborated.

Truth be told, when it came to international politics, there was actually an entire subsection when it came to dealing the Yamanaka in particular. Outside of the Chunin exams, the restrictions and conditions for allowing ANY of them inside foreign hidden villages were sickeningly strict and kept to as small a timeframe as possible.

"Good. You lot know her. Then you know that like me, she doesn't like her time wasted." Anko smiled sweetly. "And you know she'll be more than a bit tweaked if she finds out Red has been holding out on us and made us go through all this trouble to find out what's going on."

The temperature in the room dropped as the bodiless hiss of a large serpent reached all their ears, and the faintest sensation of a tongue flickered past the three girls.

"I-I'm serious! I don't know why they're targeting me!" Karin stammered as she tried to regain control of her nerves. Whatever THAT was, it sure as hell wasn't a genjutsu. "They saw me as nothing but a foreigner since I was a child! They never let me near anything high security other than the medic facilities where I was stationed!"

"You mean to say they never took advantage of your exceptional sensory abilities?" Anko's sweet and horrifying smile didn't change in the slightest. "I've heard of Sleeper Kuma before. Counter-espionage specialists like him are rare and highly targeted. He's not the sort of guy that takes students often."

"You studied under Sleeper Kuma?" Shizuka balked and looked at Karin as if seeing her for the first time. The man was infamous among her village for making Kusa nearly impossible to infiltrate any deeper than the common forces.

He was also a fairly high ranked and high risk target among those that were seeking prospective husbands. One of the highest outside of the main five villages.

"Th-that only happened recently when Kuma-sensei found me!" She quickly corrected herself. "Sh-shortly after Orochimaru's attack on Konoha! I was originally supposed to go and support the other teams but Sensei found out about me and took me out. He said I was too valuable and took me as an apprentice. Lots of people didn't like it but Sensei pulled enough strings to make it happen. E-even then I wasn't allowed outside of the country often until recently and kept primarily for medic duty."

"Healing and interrogating allies and prisoners alike." Hana hummed curiously with a notably sharp glint in her eyes, causing Karin to stiffen more. "Definitely a position that learns quite a bit of classified information…"

"It didn't get that far!" The girl shouted, now in a cold sweat catching Shizuka and Shion by surprise. "Sensei didn't let it get that far! I didn't interrogate anyone other than asking generic questions!"

"And here we go." Anko twirled a pen in her hand, almost casually, but any experienced shinobi could tell that the writing implement was primed to gouge out the girl's neck at a moment's notice. "Doesn't matter how "far" you get Red. IT trained shinobi of any level are highly valued assets across the board. Most villages would flat out execute any member that even considers moving to another village, even if they've been out of the game for decades. Even the grunts are exposed to things that nobody else should be aware of. Safehouses. Code cyphers. Sleeper cells and schedules. The fact that you were kept out of the main village probably means that Kuma's taken you to at least a couple of his favorite haunts and contacts in the greater territory without you even knowing about it. But the guys back in Kusa do. And they clearly aren't happy."

"Given how tense things are right now, it's no wonder why they were so desperate to take you out." Hana sighed. If war did break out, Karin's limited knowledge would still be potentially enough to literally cripple and destroy Kusa's military defenses and infrastructure if utilized correctly.

"Wait, but I thought that Kusa allied itself with Konoha in the last war." Shion blinked in confusion.

"Begrudgingly." Hana shook her head. "The smaller countries and hidden villages value their independence and privacy more than anything, especially when it comes to the big five. They only sided with Konoha because Iwa was tearing them apart and we were the lesser of two evils to them. Outside of some international agreements and understandings, Kusa, much like most villages, would rather operate as though everyone is a rival. Konoha has tried hard to change that perspective with other villages, but general paranoia aside…"

"Danzo. Really it just boils down to that mummified pain shafting anyone and everyone that didn't bow to Konoha, or him, on the spot." Anko rolled her eyes. "We're still combing through all the documents he left behind of who he's pissed off over the years. At best only half of his bullshit have reasonable excuses behind them. The other half were just because he could. It's going to take forever to gain the reputation we want to have with this stack of disaster on our shoulders."

Hana and Anko pretended to ignore the glint in Shizuka's eyes. Nadeshiko kunoichi were first and foremost information specialists after all.

"But then again, it's not like we're going to roll over and beg everyone for forgiveness." Just as lazily, Anko waved away her concerns. "A handshake here. A good deal there. Add a hooker or seven. Throw in some solid benefits that are hard to come by and things tend to get brushed under the rug pretty quickly. Leaders and nobles are pretty petty like that. More so if the deal makes them look good and boosts their economy in some way."

And there it was. Konoha was noted to be the nicest and most reasonable of the big five, but that sure as hell didn't mean they weren't above playing dirty.

"So what is going to happen then?" Shion asked warily.

"Well, you three are getting double the security you were already receiving at bare minimum." Anko yawned. "Red's probably going to be questioned on what she actually does know before she is put on house arrest for her own safety. Our would-be killer will be put through the ringer. Maybe killed. Or disappeared or exchanged or whatever. And anything after that, eh, not for you brats to know."

Hana sighed and shook her head. A bit blunt, but Anko did have the right of it. This was a Konoha and Kusa issue, and Tsunade was outside of the country. Right now Jiraiya was acting temporarily in command of Konoha while everyone got their heads on straight. What could be done was limited unless something was extremely amiss. A wrong step here could have major international repercussions, which in hindsight, was probably what Kusa was hoping would stay Konoha's hand in the first place.

"I believe I proved myself capable enough to defend myself." Shizuka frowned.

"Against an assassin that wasn't focused on you and called out by a sensor." Anko corrected with a bored drawl and a dry stare. "An assassin that had gotten close enough to a property already protected by the ANBU to actually attempt to kill his target with a chance of success."

The Nadeshiko kunoichi held her tongue, knowing she had made a fool of herself.

"You lot have any other questions that we might be able to answer? Who's going to guard you? How long its going to be? How big is whiskers' dick and his favorite positions?"

"I'm not going to fuck my cousin you twisted bitch!" Karin snapped on instinct, ignoring Shion and Shizkua blushing to varying degrees.

"Oh come on. It's essential stuff you'll have to learn eventually. Especially considering the disaster of a group you're stuck with now. Hana and I bang his train wreck teacher all the time. I'm calling bullshit if Ghost didn't pass some of his skills and habits down. Willingly or not. You'll get curious eventually. Mark my words." Anko continued as if nothing was wrong and Hana wasn't glaring a hole into the back of her head.

Karin was a volcano of mixed emotions all stewing in rage and frustration.

Shion blushed and nervously laughed, having heard all of this before, in one form or another.

Shizuka huffed and looked away, unwilling to admit that what Anko said was the popular assumption of virtually everyone in Konoha when it came to Naruto's potential intimate habits… that and the horrifyingly wide and diverse black market betting pool regarding just how insane and traumatizing his and Hinata's sexual escapades would be once they finally got started.

The safest bets were that Naruto would be crying for a week once he was allowed to see the light of day again, and that Hinata would be smiling perpetually roughly twice that.

The second safest bets involved swapping the duration of those two events.

Nobody thought Naruto would be able to outlast Hinata. At all.

What irked her the most was that there were already bets involving her, Karin, and Shion in there, ranging from who would be joining up with Naruto to who would be the tops and the bottoms of the relationships and their respective supposed kinks.

And she thought the pools back home were obnoxious.

That didn't stop Shizuka from stocking up on some select compounds and medicines though. Just in case. Better prepared than not after all.

"Bah. You brats aren't any fun. Bunch of dead fish the three of you." Anko waved them off. "Hana, take the good twin and the Nadeshiko doll out of here. Red and I gotta talk shop."

"You really have to be more professional Anko." Hana sighed as she moved to lead the two girls out of the room.

"I just want people to stop calling me the "good twin"." Shion lamented, following the Inuzuka.

"You look like an albino Hyuuga and Hinata's scary! Deal with it!" Anko shouted from behind them just before the door closed.

Hana glanced at the two teens with some pity before throwing caution to the wind. "You two hungry?"

There was much to do. Doubling the guard on the girls was easy enough with the bulk of Konoha's forces withdrawn. The real trouble was figuring out what Kusa was up to.

It was going to take Anko time to get all the relevant information out of Karin, willingly or not. The real issue was figuring out what was so alarming that Kusa would blatantly authorize the hit on Karin inside the village itself.

Something wasn't right. Something that Karin's teacher unfortunately probably didn't take into account when he dropped her off in Konoha.

Or maybe he did.

Jiraiya would come soon enough and would cross reference what they learned with his own resources. Hopefully the matter would be settled without making anything worse.

Hopefully.

o. o. o.

The meeting had reconvened with everyone eating their fill of meals of untold quality and dare they say but never admit orgasmic bliss.

And Naruto crying the entire time.

Everything from this cooking school that the boy had visited had been eaten.

Save for the ramen.

Naruto had made it explicitly clear in visceral and unhinged detail what would happen if anyone got close to the ramen.

He was extremely convincing.

Even Kaguya appeared to be concerned about his behavior if the occasional glances she gave him was any indication.

"Naruto. Naruto we're done eating. You have to talk to everyone again." Hinata gently shook the still weeping jinchuriki.

"All that work. All that money. All that humiliation. All the bliss that I worked to get. Gone." He clearly didn't hear her judging from his aimless lamenting and empty stare.

"We still have the summit to get through Naruto. You're almost done." Normally she wouldn't be this gentle to get him out of his funk, but, well, the food was really damn good. She doubted anyone could blame him for his current state. "I'll be less hard on you for the rest of the trip if you come back."

"… Sniff. Really?"

Words could not describe how badly Hinata wanted to kidnap him the moment he stared at her with those innocent watery eyes.

"Yes really. Now please, the summit?"

"Okay."

Zabuza rubbed his temple and looked away. So help him, he would have tried to kill the kid right then and there for everyone's sakes if he didn't know better… and if he didn't think there was a chance that he'd be able to get more of that food later.

"It's going to be a nightmare trying to reimagine this blasted meeting so none of us are humiliated in the history books." Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose. "Naruto, you were saying before about showing off some giant monster that you couldn't handle in order to get everyone to agree to your ridiculous plan and behave?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. That." Naruto absently nodded as if remembering something that someone else did.

He then turned to Kaguya. "Hey Kagu-baba. Can you control yourself in super tree form? Or do you need Zetsu's help for that?"

The room was dead quiet.

Ominously so when the audience realized that Kaguya was confused by the question.

It was then that those that truly knew Naruto picked up that he was leading to something particularly nasty.

"What are you insinuating child?" Kaguya asked, clearly uncertain if she should be angry, confused, or dare she even contemplate it, concerned.

"Don't bother, mother. The boy's infamous for his insanity and pointless ramblings. He's probably trying something stupid like turn us against one another." Zetsu's amorphous head peeked from her sleeves, giving Naruto a dark glare.

The teen shrugged, leaning back in his seat and staring up at the ceiling. "That masked asshole managed to teach everyone in Akatsuki the basics of Presence, ripped from the mind of another user that recently visited our world and was dealt with. During the fight in Iwa, I felt pretty much everyone there. The Masked Uchiha. Nagato. Auntie Konan. Itachi. Kisame. Kakuzu. Sasori. Deidara. And that nut Hidan… but Zetsu never used his. I also noticed the moving statue, the body you were trapped in, the body of the World Tree. It was moving and had a human body, but it functioned purely on hunger. Nothing else. It was like the will inside it was absent."

The room was ominously quiet as Naruto went on.

"If I recall your story correctly, Kagu-baba, the hunger that drove you mad only came after you took in the World Tree into your body. To fight off the locals. To fight off your extended family that would come here eventually. You staved off the hunger for chakra in order to protect. But at some point, the hunger, the need for chakra drove you to feed on your people. And eventually, you saw your own children as food… no…"

He glanced at Kaguya. "If what that old geezer told me is right, you saw the power your children had as rightfully yours. As though you needed what they had to be complete."

The ancient woman and the beaten teen stared at one another in tense silence.

"… You insinuate that I was not merely being influenced by the tree, but my consciousness was being usurped." Her cold proclamation was only matched by her chilly façade.

"You took in the tree to protect what you had. Mere hunger should not be enough to twist your logic to that degree. Rather, if it was mere hunger, and you cared for your kids that much, wouldn't you do everything in your power for them to succeed where you couldn't?" Naruto logically reasoned.

"Mother! Don't listen to his vile words! He's trying to-"

"Instead, you try to consume them and their power blindly when they tried to reason with you. And when you were sealed away, at the last moment you managed to conjure up a peculiar entity that was neither human nor your kind... that happened to be capable of interacting with the tree itself and utilizing plant based powers. Born with the single minded focus to bring about the world tree restore his mother to her former self… no. No, not that. If anything it was the other way around."

Naruto turned his head to stare blankly at Zetsu.

He wasn't donning the watery tears of a child, or the enraged eyes of a mad warrior.

Instead, it was the cold apathetic stare of a man far older and superior to anything in his vicinity. A sharp, yet empty gaze that seemed to only focus on the monster simply because it was the topic of conversation at the moment, and nothing more.

"Your single minded focus to bring about Kaguya to her full strength to ensure the World Tree's full restoration and purpose. Your full restoration and purpose."

"… An interesting theory child, however faulty it may be." Kaguya frowned. "There has never been a recorded sentient will of the trees harvested by my people. And as irresponsible as you claim my actions were, I am not the first to have taken a tree into myself."

"Ha! Haha! That's right! Your blind attempt to kill me has gone nowhere brat!"

Despite Zetsu's laughing Naruto maintained his calm demeanor.

"That might be true, but, there are always exceptions given peculiar circumstances." The teen reasoned with an even tone.

Kaguya frowned. "Such as?"

He pointed at her. No, at her stomach.

"You were pregnant when you took in the tree, weren't you?"

The room was dead silent as Naruto's words sunk in.

Zetsu wasn't laughing anymore.

"It started as hunger at first, which was understandable, but as time passed, and your children grew, a seed of jealousy and irritation would occasionally strike you when watching them. That power should be "yours". They were ignorant of what was sacrificed to ensure their lives. At times these feeling felt strong enough to almost be whispers in the back of your head. Emotions strong and sudden enough that it was as if they weren't even yours."

"Quiet…"

Naruto didn't listen. "It was at its worst when they were full grown adults. You were rationalizing and debating whether or not to still take care of them. To keep them around. To protect them, which sounds silly considering how strong they were compared to literally everyone and everything on this planet… save one thing. And you knew you needed to protect them from it."

Kaguya swallowed, knowing exactly what that one thing was. She knew it too well, but didn't want to admit it. Not then, or now. But… but…

"There was an unnatural glee as well, when they finally gave you a reason to "take back what was yours". To stop holding back. A surge of it even, one that seemed to overwhelm all the thoughts and rationalizations that you'd normally have. Right up until the end when you were being sealed, and the idea of "escaping" came to mind. Right until your third "child" was finally born."

The room was dead silent.

"Tell me, Kagu-baba." Naruto cut in before anyone else dared to speak. "After you woke up. Other than the hunger, have you been having any of these thoughts or urges? Or was Zetsu reaffirming them in person this time?"

"Uzumaki…"

"Constantly whispering to you that you needed to be complete once again. That you NEEDED your power, the bijuu, no… to complete the tree in its entirety this time."

The black core of the tree writhed.

"I SAID BE QUIET YOU BRAT!"

Twisted and vicious black roots burst from Kaguya's clothes and lashed out in every direction, the majority of which went after Naruto. The sudden extreme action was so fast and intense that even Kaguya had been caught off guard and appeared to be momentarily helpless to stop the assault underway…

However…

The piercing dawn of Starlight bore down on the malformed core.

When the roots were only a few feet away from Naruto, before the dozens of shinobi half a dozen Kage level warriors and Jinchuriki could even react properly, dozens of what appeared to be rods of pure light impaled the tendrils, paralyzing and pinning the amalgamation in place.

"Hidden Art: Lines of the Reverent." Hinata calmly breathed out, her body in the traditional Hyuuga Jyuuken stance with her hands glowing a pristine white.

"What?! What is this?! I can't move!" Zetsu roared from Kaguya's torn clothes. "W-Wait, this feeling… i-impossible! Those rods of light are-?!"

"Imitations of those peculiar black rods that the former leader of Akatsuki utilized, yes." Hinata answered with a cold tone. "Naruto managed to bring back some from the battle in Iwa and I had an opportunity to experiment with some. They are still a work in progress, but still effective when applied to enough Tenketsu."

More than one shinobi and samurai in the room breathed out slowly as they registered that the threat had at least been temporarily subdued, however they were all still on guard.

Save for Naruto, who was still sitting completely at ease in his chair and ignoring the pieces at wood that were struggling to impale his head a mere few feet away.

"Naruto, you really need to stop doing that." Tsunade growled dangerously, her hands clenched into very dangerous fists.

"If there was a time to apparently call out someone on their potential crimes against the world, wouldn't here and now be the most appropriate venue?" Naruto evenly retorted, not once looking away from the still stunned and confused Kaguya. "You know me well enough to tell this was going to happen. Hinata clearly did."

"And I am not particularly proud of it, Naruto. I was hoping like everyone else that you wouldn't provoke someone to this extent for once." Hinata coldly stated, but not denying his words either.

It was a tactic that Naruto and the Oogakari often practiced: angering an opponent to do something drastic. Humiliating them in the worst way possible in front of the worst audience possible. Discovering and exposing the one piece of dirty laundry that they absolutely did not want anyone else to know about to provoke reactions from all sides. Reactions that could not be ignored.

"When there is someone around that does deserve such treatment, and we aren't in a position that warrants such drastic revelations, you will be the first to know."

With a heavy sigh, Naruto pushed himself up from his seat, grabbed his crutch, and turned to where Kaguya was.

"Boy. What are you doing?" Onoki half asked half demanded from his floating position over his chair.

"Finishing at least part of this mess so we can get on with our damn lives." With slow and steady taps, the teen walked around the paralyzed mess of wood and thorns, cutting the few he couldn't walk around with very small, precise, and extremely sharp blades of wind, until he made his way to where plant met flesh.

"Y-you! What are you doing!? Get away from me and mo-gurk?!"

The Will of the World Tree's threat was cut short as the teen's free hand grabbed the formless ebony monster by the throat. With the ease of pulling a plant out from the soil, the amorphous mass was ripped from Kaguya's clothes and flesh.

Whether it was because the monster was weaker than before, or because he had been ripped from his perch, the end result was that the thing was half the physical size of a normal human as Naruto held it aloft with his crippled hand.

"Gkk! Let! Go of me! You pathetic, insane brat!" Zetsu thrashed. He cursed. He struggled against the grip of the child that for all intents and purposes should be little more than a cripple right now. A useless meatsack that was only a container for the Kyubi and fuel for the World Tree. For him.

And yet. And yet why was he afraid of this human in a way that he had only feared mother? As if this mad uncultured beast was something that stood above him?

Naruto's bandaged hand tightened, and everyone in the room could literally feel the vice like grip close in a way that didn't seem physically possible. As though he was utilizing some jutsu with an effect that they didn't know about.

"Y-you! Kah! Stop! Please!" Zetsu's threats were slowly turning into pathetic gasps and pleads for mercy.

Nobody stepped in. Nobody spoke up. Nobody had any desire or intent to interfere with the slow execution taking place. Whether it was due to revenge, apathy, solace, or a desire to further examine the executioner.

Nobody, except…

"MOTHER!"

"Stop."

Black rods speared through the wooden mess ensnaring Kaguya, rapidly decaying them into a fine dust and collapsing by her feet. Other than the sleeves of her robes being torn, she was clearly still in pristine condition.

Slowly like an ethereal spirit, Kaguya rose to her full immaculate height, towering over Naruto, and stared directly into his eyes.

"This one's caused too many problems. Yours included." Naruto stated evenly, speaking as though he was her equal despite the disparity in their physical conditions and positions.

"He is my child." The woman replied in just an even a tone, and nothing else.

Naruto's only reaction was a momentary slight frown and small pause, before very slowly moving to hand the monster over to her.

"Boy, what the hell do you think you are doing?" Ay growled dangerously from the sidelines, lightning starting to arc around his body in spite of the pressure steadily growing in the room.

If Naruto heard the man, he didn't show it as his outstretched hand met Kaguya's, and his fingers let go of the monster's neck. Almost instantly, Zetsu retreated into the folds of his mother's clothes, fear blatantly apparent in his movements.

"That child…" Mei cursed under her breath.

"Wait." Onoki cut her off, noticing how Naruto's and Kaguya's expressions didn't change. Something was off.

"Mother! Thank you! I knew you didn't believe that brat's lies!"

"Zetsu." The alien woman broke off eye contact with Naruto first, cupping her hands together in front of her face and urging the monster into them. She looked down at him with a slightly kinder and loving gaze, and a sad smile. "You are my child. And I love you."

"Mother!" The monster sniffed pathetically before sending Naruto a malicious glare. "Hurry! Before the boy can do anything-"

SHINK!

"- else?" The black blob coughed in confusion as it was impaled from two black rods, each coming from one of her hands.

"And because of you Zetsu, I am able and willing to kill my children now. Hamura. Hagoromo. And now you." Sad tears fell from her eyes as her child disintegrated in her hands. "Rest, and be with your brothers. You have nothing to worry about anymore. I am back now. You can finally stop now."

"N-no. Th-this can't. Not like… moth-" Zetsu's pathetic mewling and rasps for life faded away along with his body as it flaked away into little more than ash and dust.

Naruto's gaze examined the remains of the monster that had plagued their world for a thousand years before letting out a tired sigh and closing his eyes. "We can resume at a later time, if needed."

"… Yes. I believe that is for the best." The woman that just killed her own child replied just as calmly, tears falling down her cheeks. "I have much to think about."

An ebony maw in space slowly opened behind Kaguya without any warning, threatening to consume anything and everything that entered its expanse.

"As-, no, your name is Naruto this iteration. Before I leave, what did you intend to learn from me this day? Or was your focus only on Zetsu?" To her credit, the woman did not falter or stall bringing up her freshly deceased offspring.

"Primarily about the other Otsutsuki. And if you were willing to cooperate with us in exchange for a procedure to extract the tree from you. To end the hunger." Naruto replied evenly.

"You can guarantee such a feat? This rudimentary species and culture?" She asked with cold skepticism.

"I can't. And we can't." Naruto pointed in a seemingly random direction. Past the walls, participants of the summit, and mountains. Past the folds of space, where another audience was watching with mild interest. "But they can, and I'm owed a few favors."

Kaguya looked briefly in the direction his finger was aimed. If she saw what he was referring to, she didn't show it. "I see. You have given me much to contemplate. My verdict is not one to be rushed."

"Of course. I'll wait for your decision until then." Naruto nodded politely, closing his eyes and bowing deeper than normal. He wasn't usually this formal, but then again, he usually didn't set things up so that a woman killed her child either.

"Yes… until then."

"Naruto!"

Hinata's shout of alarm came as he opened his eyes to see Kaguya's outstretched hand pointing at him.

Ah crap. He overdid it again somewhere, didn't he?

o. o. o.

Omake: Birthday.

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"

All five Oogakari were chanting as the Third Fang was hanging from the ceiling blade down by Ghost's chains over a disastrous concoction of eldritch blood, vodka, absinthe, and four loco.

Every few seconds, the weapon was dropped into the unholy brew and left to stew for a good minute before being pulled out again. Each time, the seemingly inanimate object would be thrashing about wildly, bending around as though it didn't even know what it was supposed to be doing anymore.

It had been going on for the past three hours.

Three dunks later it had finally broken free.

Then, and only then, did the true party start.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thanks Ultraroar for betaing.

So yeah. My birthday just passed a few days ago. I'm 33 now. Woot. Not much loot, but Elden Ring, so… Elden Ring.

Elden Ring.

… That's my excuse for everything and I'm sticking to it with absolutely no regrets.

Half chapter? Elden Ring?

A little bit late? Elden Ring?

Ukraine? … Not touching that one. We all know who's to blame for that shitshow. And we all want it to stop. That's that.

I honestly don't have much to talk about this time around. Going to check out New Orleans with my folks next week for a few days. Should be fun.

As for story wise, yeah. The Summit should be done within the next chapter or two. Black Zetsu being the will of the World Tree was something I've played about for a while. Too many things about him lined up for him to "simply" be some cast off last ditch piece of will of Kaguya's. Particularly the plant manipulating bit of him, which he could do when he wasn't attached to white Zetsu.

And now he dead. Gewd. One less headache to write and deal with.

Also did more world building to explain why Kumo always stuck out so aggressively militarily compared to the other Hidden Villages. I thought I did a pretty decent job. Nothing too special in the end. Just a mix of shitty location and universal need for consistent stable income.

Anyways, I'm doing one more chapter of TTRT and GAIWP before moving back to FFD again either June or July. Please be patient with me. Loves and kisses.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! NARUTO INTENDED TO USE THE TOUTSUKI FOOD AS PART OF A GAME DURING HIS BACHELOR PARTY TO SEE WHO COULD LAST THE LONGEST WITHOUT CREAMING THEMSELVES! AND REVIEW AGAIN!