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Note: Sorry there have been so few updates from me in recent months. I'm actually working more, not less since the coronavirus started, and it's taking its toll physically and mentally. I'm hoping to do better in the future!
Bucket Lists and Burning
By most standards Simon knew his 'outburst' hardly deserved to be described so grandly. More like he'd had the shortest pity party ever. But what did you expect from a kid from Gotham who'd spent pretty much his entire childhood in foster care? Sure some of the foster parents he'd ended up with had tried to be decent caregivers, but even the good ones had found him strange and hadn't had the money to spend on music lessons or any of the other things he'd longed for as a kid. Get used to disappointment was pretty much the foster kid's motto. Crying about it didn't help, so why bother? Crying was only good for headache.
Still...Simon felt better after having his say, sorta. Or at least he felt a little more settled in this new world he was going to have to live in until he died a likely horrible death at League hands.
Always good to have something to look forward to, Simon thought ruefully even as he sighed over it. Oh well...at least his father wasn't alive to see him murdered. Got to find those silver linings where you could.
Turning his attention to Barsad-he was pretty sure that they were almost at the man's rooms which was good because he was so ready for this day to be over-Simon studied his new roommate and thought about their latest conversation.
"Do I want to know why you're looking at me and sighing?"
Simon was all set to shrug, then remembered that Barsad had made it clear that if Simon wanted to be treated like an adult he had to use his words.
"I was just thinking about you."
Barsad narrowed his eyes a little as he studied him in turn. "Me? Why?"
"Well you're my new roommate. At least until I'm dead or Bane says otherwise. Though going from past experience-it's more likely I annoy you into killing me or throwing me out of your room before the other two things happen." Simon shrugged. "Though I've never had a roommate like you before."
"I can say without question I've never known someone like you, much less shared quarters with them."
"On the A side I don't snore. Or at least no one's ever said I do, and John at least would have told me. I do sometimes talk though. Just hit me with a pillow if I do that. But don't smother me. Please."
He had no idea how to interpret the look that earned him. So Simon decided to keep being an 'adult' and talk.
"You snore a little, but not badly. John sometimes made sounds like purring in his sleep. That was funny."
Barsad sighed at that. But that was understandable, since no one wanted to be told they snored. It was an annoying habit.
"Am I going to get my own bed? I don't mind sharing with you, but maybe you don't like sharing with me. You're way better than John. For a few days he and I had to share a bed when we were kids and it was awful. He wouldn't stop cuddling! I hate that."
Barsad's voice went funny. "You shared a bed?"
"He and his boyfriend were making out at the home and they broke his. It was old." Thinking Barsad would find it funny too Simon shot Barsad a smirk. "John said that he and Bane broke the bed at wherever they went during his heat."
"I did not need that mental image."
"Oh. Sorry. Yeah...I could do without that mental image now too." Simon shuddered a little as he did his best to block that out from his mind. He'd just found it funny because how many people could say they'd broken two bed with their boyfriends.
Thinking to change the subject Simon asked Barsad how long the other man thought he and John had before Talia successfully killed them. Assuming that Wayne didn't get there in time to save them.
A dark look. "You accept your death too easily. You should be prepared to fight to live."
Right...because he was secretly a badass ninja who for some strange reason had thought it a great idea to hide his super powers until now. Unless Barsad thought that he really had been playing weak all these years because of his father, and now with him dead Simon would step up and reveal the truth. If that's what the other man thought he was going to be sooooooo disappointed.
I'm a dead man, Simon drawled out in his head, at peace with the idea. When you 'joined' the League of Shadows it was pretty much a requirement.
And hey, he'd always known that he'd never get the change to cross off the majority of items on his Bucket List. One of his shrinks-one he'd actually liked well enough because she always played background music during their sessions-had made him make the list as a future goals exercise. Even then, when he'd had no idea that he was going to be kidnapped and shanghaied into joining a terrorist organization before his eighteenth birthday, he'd had the sense to know not to dream big or much. When you were a kid in Gotham, especially a foster kid no one wanted...the odds were not in your favor. Ever.
So he'd never sing at Carnegie Hall-just on the stage, not in front of people because that really would have been asking for the moon and he'd wanted the experience, not critics. Nor would he ever see his childhood favorite animal up close in the wild-not that close though, as he'd learned koala bears were actually really vicious creatures with a habit of mauling unsuspecting people. But going to Australia would have been cool. Even if it killed him. Which...there were a lot of things that could kill you in Australia. Freakily so.
But what did you expect of a country that produced the platypus. Half beaver, half duck. Hell, he'd read that the males were venomous enough to put you down for a while in excruciating pain. Yeesh, no thank you.
"Are you imagining your death?"
"No. Thinking about platypuses."
"The marsupial?"
"Mhmmm."
The long, drawn out sigh Barsad gave over that-Simon wasn't sure what to make of it.
"How did you go from your own death to thinking about platypuses?"
"Well I was thinking about my Bucket List, then seeing a koala because that was on the list, then other Australian animals."
"Huh. That actually makes sense. Surprisingly." Barsad gave him another weird look. "What else is on your list."
"I can show you tomorrow if you want. I don't remember a lot of it offhand."
"I'll probably regret saying this, but all right."
Pleased to have something to look forward to-John had made some hilarious faces when he'd read over that list and Simon couldn't wait to see if Barsad would make similar looks-Simon smiled at Barsad in anticipation.
Again with the weird looks. Though he'd never seen this one before. It did weird things to his stomach.
Huh.
)
A light sleeper, always, Bane immediately came awake when Robin started thrashing around at his side hours after they'd turned in for the night. Rolling onto his side so that he was facing his omega Bane reached out in the darkness, finding Robin's shoulder by touch just as the other man jerked awake and sat up, breathing hard as he gasped for more air. Reacting to that Bane moved his hand to land on Robin's thigh as he asked him if he was all right, unsure how to proceed. That the omega had had a nightmare after nearly being killed was very much understandable...but perhaps Robin wouldn't want him to make that observation. Bane was wary of saying the wrong thing, especially after the troubling incident between them earlier.
"I'm okay." Was Robin's panted out response, the omega not sounding remotely fine as he shifting further away from him. "Go back to sleep."
"As you wish." Settling back down on his back Bane silently waited to see what Robin would do.
Robin didn't lay back, though his breathing gradually evened out and steadied.
"Would you like me...to hold you?" Bane offered after a good ten minutes of awkward silence.
"No. It's fine."
It was not fine. And Robin normally loved any excuse to be as close to him as possible at night, when the temperature dropped. But earlier when they'd gotten into bed Robin had curled up on his side-at least facing Bane-and then had kept a good foot of distance between them.
"I'm going to get a drink of water. Go back to sleep already."
Bane felt Robin move even farther away, his night-vision such that he could now clearly make out Robin's shape as Robin slid off the bed and silently made his way in the direction of the bathroom.
To quote his mate...fuck this.
Tossing aside the bedsheets Bane sat up and got out of bed as well, walking around the piece of furniture with ease as he followed after Robin. He'd memorized the layout of his room long ago, but his task was made easy by the fact that Robin had turned the light on in the bathroom, a line of light illuminating the door's shape like a beacon.
Finding the door handle Bane turned it and opened the door, stepping inside to find Robin leaning his back against the sink, a glass of water already in hand. To Bane's accessing eyes Robin looked a tad pale, with obvious signs of sweat along his hairline and shirt's collar.
Squinting a little, Robin also looked less than happy to see him.
"Are you feeling ill?"
Rather than the casual shrug Robin had probably meant to give the younger man instead made a motion that was more of a hard jerk, belaying just how not okay the omega was.
"I just had a bad dream. It happens. I told you to go back to sleep."
"I think it's well established at this point that neither of us likes to obey the orders of the other." Bane pointed out as he took another step closer, the small sound of amusement Robin made in response feeling like a gift after everything else that had happened. And said.
"Truth."
Watching Robin sip at his water, not saying anything else, Bane tried and failed to think of what to say.
"Seriously. You don't need to hover, Big Guy. It wasn't even a nightmare."
Curious, Bane asked what the dream had been about. I mean yes, it would be logical for it to be about his near assassination, but this was Robin. The omega's mind was...unique.
"The Hunchback of Notre Dame."
Case in point. "The novel written by Victor Hugo in 1831?"
"Sort of. More like the Disney version of it. Kind of. Maybe. I never read the book so I'm not sure how much they messed with the plot to make it appropriate for children. Plus I saw the 'Wishbone' version so that's maybe twisted my memory of things too. Though I can't remember if they-the Wishbone writers-prettied up the ending the way Disney did. Nevermind. Not important. She-Esmeralda-and Quasimodo die in the end of the book version, right?"
"Yes. She is hung, and he chooses to waste away at the side of her corpse."
"Fuck. Yeah, can see why Disney didn't go with that ending." Robin huffed out a breath, saluting Bane with his glass before draining its contents. "Fucking Hugo. It's no wonder his best known works is 'Les Misérables'. Miserable was his jam."
"Why did you dream of his other novel?" Bane knew the work, and didn't see why it would come to mind.
"Fuck if I know. My subconscious is a fucked up place a lot of the time."
Bane very much agreed with that statement, but thought it best if he didn't express that opinion outloud. Instead he asked what became of Esmeralda and the bell ringer in the 'Disney' version. He wasn't interested, but at least it gave them something to talk about. It was better than awkward, cold silence.
For a minute or so it looked like Robin wouldn't answer, the omega quiet before giving a shrug.
"Instead of hanging her Frollo has Esmeralda tied to a stake, the plan being to burn her alive witch style in front of everyone. Quasimodo swoops in and saves her though, gets her to the church and safety. Bad guy is killed by falling from a long distance in typical Disney style...and Quasimodo doesn't end up with the girl because heaven forbid the beautiful gypsy not end up with a good-looking guy like Phoebus. Cue the eye rolling and the stupid sequel I never bothered to see."
"I see." He didn't...but that was to be expected at this point.
"I think they did an almost hanging on 'Wishbone'. Wish my brain had gone with that instead of the whole being burned alive thing. Fucking A."
Now they were getting somewhere. "You dreamed you were being burned alive?"
"Yup. Feel free to go Freud on that one."
Naturally he knew who Freud was so Bane got that reference. But he was focused on other thoughts at the moment.
"You dreamed you were Esmeralda?"
"Yup. And your lord and master was Frollo and you were a seriously hot version of Quasimodo." Robin's smirked for a moment, then that fell away and his face went serious. "And that was not a dig at your face or scars FYI. Seriously. I don't think of you as disfigured or-fuck. I shouldn't have-shit." Robin swiped a hand through his sweat damp hair in obvious frustration. "You'd be hotter without the scars on your face-but you're still sexy as fuck. I swear on Si-Kei's life. I'm not saying that to make you feel better."
Robin's brows furrowed for a moment, his lips twitching a little before he controlled it.
"What did you think of that amused you?"
A small sound of amusement. "That if Kei had a role in the movie, he'd be my goat."
"Your goat?"
"Yeah. In the Disney version Esmeralda had a pet goat with an earring."
"Who would pierce the ear of a goat?"
"Fuck if I know. I pierced my ears when I was younger." Robin added, out of nowhere. "I let the holes grow in once I was in the police academy."
Conjuring up an image of what Robin would look like with pierced ears Bane found himself sorry that Robin had chosen to forgo the body ornamentation later in life. Though he could have them re-pierced, couldn't he?
And perhaps he was focusing on such a thing because he didn't want to think about other things. Like the casting of Robin's dream and its plot. Bane honestly didn't care that he'd been cast as the disfigured hunchback-he was disfigured. While also being in better physical shape than likely anyone in Robin's acquaintance. And he knew that Robin hadn't 'cast' him in that role to be cruel or mock him. The other man's regret and reassurance that that wasn't how he saw Bane had obviously been genuine. One thing Robin had always been blunt about was how desirable he found Bane in spite of his numerous other 'shortcomings' in Robin's eyes.
No, what Bane didn't want to think about was the fact that Robin had stated he'd been burned alive in his dream. In the Disney version of the story Esmeralda had been saved by Quasimodo before that could happen. In Robin's dream he had not been saved. Bane had not saved him.
Even lost in that thought Bane was aware of Robin approaching, his eyes meeting the other man's when Robin's hand came out to settle on Bane's arm.
"Fuck. Did I hurt your feelings?"
"You think I would let you burn."
Robin opened and then closed his mouth. He did this four times before answering, obviously picking his words carefully.
"I think that your loyalties are and will be divided, the way Quasimodo's were. And that when that day comes to decide my fate...you will side with the al Ghuls. As much as you might wish you could spare me too. No matter how big a pain in the ass I am to you."
Robin waited a moment. "And I don't think you'd let them kill me by burning me alive. I think you'd see I died quickly and as painlessly as possible."
Grasping at straws Bane pointed out that neither of the al Ghuls desired Robin as Frollo had Esmeralda.
"No. But your Talia's obsession is just as twisted and dangerous."
"Her obsession is with The Bat." And if Wayne were dead surely she wouldn't care about Robin any more. Nor would her father.
"You're thinking that killing Bruce would solve all your problems right now, aren't you?"
"Yes." Bane answered truthfully.
Shaking his head, Robin sighed and let go of Bane's arm. "Good luck with that."
And so saying Robin turned around and walked back over to the sink, turning on the water to fill his glass up with water again.
"Better you than him." Bane pointed out, trying to reason with him.
Turning back around Robin gave him a sad smile. "That's not how friendship works, Big Guy. I would no more ask him to die in my place than he'd ask me to do the same. If you made friends outside the League, you'd get that." Pause. "I'll be back to bed in a minute or two. Promise."
He could take the hint, yet still Bane found himself walking closer until he was near enough to cup Robin's cheek in his hand.
"I will allow no harm to come to you. You'll see."
And leaving it at that Bane left the room, giving Robin the time alone he wanted.
