*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

"Weren't we going that way?" Masamune gestured to where Mai and Botan were still standing, almost ready to go into the town, where I'd just rushed away from them.

"No," I muttered. Actually yes, but that didn't matter anymore. I had an idea.

Once we passed a corner where Mai and Botan wouldn't be able to see us, I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms, waiting.

"What are we doing?" Masamune sounded a bit too pleased to be sneaking around.

"We're going to search Botan's room."

"What for?"

"What do you mean, 'what for?'" I scoffed. "A ronin comes in and asks me to teach him medicine, gets close to Mitsuhide within a day of coming here, and has a position alongside the woman closest to Nobunaga. Why wouldn't we search his quarters for anything suspicious?"

"Fair." Masamune peeked out after we'd waited for a few more minutes. "They're gone."

I strode past him wordlessly. There was something more to Botan, something that he was hiding. I couldn't put my finger on it and was determined to find out. We hadn't fought so hard and suffered so much for the goal of unification to let some random killer for hire strike us at the heart. I would find it, this thing that was making me so wary.

The room was utterly devoid of character. The only change from when Hideyoshi had set it up was that Botan's clothes were neatly folded upon the bed with the leather pack and pouches he wore atop them. It made sense that a ronin wouldn't have many personal possessions. They roamed from place to place too much to tote anything substantial.

"Looks fairly innocent," Masamune commented.

"You're desire to take the boy to bed is clouding your judgement," I muttered wryly.

"It's not my fault he's got me a bit curious about what's so good about the other side." Masamune shrugged and got Botan's weapons out from their case, admiring them with a slight smirk. "He takes good care of them." They were indeed freshly polished and looked as if they were sharpened often. They had a few nicks, however, that told of frequent use and perhaps a few harsh fights.

I was more interested in the pouches, however. The small white bundles with drawstrings that were primarily hidden by the haori Botan wore had caught my attention primarily because they had been concealed. Why hide them? Upon opening them I found small vials there. Medicines? How anticlimactic. I wrinkled my nose after smelling each one in turn. The bitterness that wafted up my nose and lingered in clouds at the roof of my mouth reminded me of long days of picking herbs and mixing my own poultices. They were all familiar until I got to the last one. I couldn't tell what was in it instantly. I knew it, but it was such a fleeting memory.

"What is it?" Masamune looked at me with narrowed eyes, instantly catching onto my creeping tension.

"Monkshood," I realized only once the word slipped from my mouth. It was the color that betrayed it, the dark hue straddling blue and purple. I hadn't recognized the scent instantly because I'd learned quickly to avoid the flower and its dangerous toxins. My hand tightened around the vial as I glared at Masamune, anger directed not at him but at our own carelessness in allowing this stranger into our midst. "Poison. Does Botan still seem so innocent?"

Masamune gripped the hilt of his sword. "We should tell the others."

"Botan is alone with Mai right now," I said tightly.

Masamune's fingers flexed like he wanted to cut something, but his expression was uncertain. "I don't think he'll hurt her. Remember the way he looked at her last night? I think he genuinely wants to protect her."

"Please," I muttered. "I thought you knew better than to place your trust in others so carelessly." I knew better, though. I knew how people used one another, and it was clear now that Botan had used us for whatever it was he'd clumsily and insipidly come here to do. That was what was most intolerable. "You can hold back if you want to, but I'll end this." It was time to involve Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide, at least, and Nobunaga would likely want to deal with Botan himself in the end.

"No. Of course I'm coming with you."

I nodded, glad at least that he wasn't foolish enough to not suspect Botan on the basis of whatever goodness Masamune seemed to sense in the boy. Glad that I was completely able to ignore my own sense of that same thing as well. This was my reason triumphing rightfully over my emotion. We wouldn't be used or manipulated by anyone.

*Sumire "Botan" Shinanoki*

It wasn't as if I could stroll back into the castle without Mai by my side—the warlords would probably cut me in half if I dared to be that negligent—so I followed her around the town at a respectful distance until she was ready to return.

Her expression, when she was back at my side, told me she was still angry. I was starting to get irked myself. "You've no good reason to be angry with me," I stated calmly while neither of us met the other's eyes.

"No reason!" She repeated with a laugh. "You were being so cruel to Yuki!"

"Because that was my job." I hesitated to reveal more to her, but it seemed that she was personally invested. "Mitsuhide suspects that boy of being a spy. He asked me to talk to him in the market today to see if I could notice anything."

"Yukim...! Yuki isn't a spy! He's just a merchant, for God's sakes!"

She'd almost called him Yukimura. So she knew. "Mai. You love Nobunaga, don't you?"

She blinked a few times, caught off guard by the change of subject. "Of course I do. He's… He's more precious to me than anyone else."

"Then you can't afford to play both sides." I eyed her stonily. "Understand?"

"I… Yuki isn't a bad person. None of them are bad people."

The castle was back in sight, and we approached the entrance steadily. "And yet we are about to go to war," I murmured. "Goodness doesn't matter when contrasting ideals collide. That's just how it is."

"Botan, I've already made up my mind. I'm not going to pick sides. I'm going to respect every person here for what and who they are." She looked at me clearly and with determination. It was a choice I couldn't fathom.

"I don't have the strength or the privilege to be able to make a choice like that," I said quietly, then laughed. "Mai, sometimes you don't seem like you're a part of this world." Like an angel fallen down to try spreading her ideals.

"Well, I…" She bit her lip. "Botan…" She trailed off and squinted ahead of us as we were unexpectedly approached by four warlords: Hideyoshi, Ieyasu, Mitsuhide, and Masamune.

"Do they always greet you with such a warm reception when you come back from a casual outing?" I asked, eyebrows raised.

"I don't think their intentions are that positive…" Mai said slowly as she clutched my wrist.

"Mai, step back," Hideyoshi ordered shortly while pulling her away from me.

"What's –" I began, but caught my breath with shock and fear when the tip of Masamune's blade was pressed against my throat. I'd barely had the time to register the flash of it from its hilt into the air. "Woah. Woah." I raised my hands slowly in surrender. "What's going on?"

"Stop it!" Mai protested. "What are you guys doing?!"

"Explain the poison we found in your room," Ieyasu said calmly, holding up one of the small containers I kept with me.

So they suspected me of being an assassin. Of course. I glanced at Masamune and found his eyes focused on me with blazing murderous intent. Deep down I respected how careful they were, but having their anger directed at me was one of the most frightful experiences of my life. "I made it –" I croaked, then squeaked when Masamune's sword pricked my skin clearly on purpose. A short, sharp scream from Mai cut into the sudden silence after my utterance. "I made it for myself."

No one spoke and, not sure if they were pacified by this basic explanation, I continued in a frantic rush. "Monkshood is only lethal if swallowed. I mixed it with nightshade berries and hemlock to… get out of a bad situation if I need to." I met Mitsuhide's eyes pleadingly as I spoke, hoping he would understand more than anyone exactly what I was referring to.

"What kind of situation?" Hideyoshi asked.

"Interrogation," I lied. "Torture. I'm sure you can imagine."

"I surely can," Mitsuhide said smoothly, gliding over to put an arm around my shoulder. "In fact, I've got a good deal of personal experience." I couldn't tell what he meant to do. Was he going to drag me down to some spider-infested dungeon and torture me? Had I made the worst mistake in an ally I could have possibly made? "You see, Botan," Mitsuhide continued, "I think this whole incident was likely a misunderstanding. So you can wipe the terror from your face."

I sucked in a soft breath when Masamune sheathed his blade in a swift movement. "Do you believe him?" He asked Mitsuhide.

"I do." With that, Mitsuhide snatched the vial of poison from Ieyasu's hand and started to guide me away. "I think it's best to let the matter go now."

"Botan!" Mai called, and I smiled weakly at her over my shoulder. None of the other warlords made a move, and just as quickly as it had begun the inquisition had ended. Behind me I heard Mai starting to yell at the remaining three warlords.

"Quite the day you've had," Mitsuhide commented thoughtfully.

"You're incorrigible," I whispered, touching the thin trail of blood on my throat. It was nothing major, but it still gave me chills.

"Some things are worse than death, is that it?" I could barely hear him and only nodded in response. "Everyone was suspicious of Mai at first as well, but nothing like that ever happened."

"I know that all of you were only taking precautions."

"Don't treat it as if I've apologized. I'm very aware we did nothing wrong." We were standing before my room now, and Mitushide's heavy arm left my shoulders. "What happened in the market?"

"The boy is likely a spy. I've suspicions that he's Yukimura Sanada."

"I see." Mitsuhide nodded, plans clearly forming in his mind. "That's all. You clearly need some time for yourself."

"I'm fine." I glared up at him only to be met with his inscrutable smile.

"Of course you are." He left me with those teasing words.

I was fine. That was the truth. Something like this wasn't enough to shake me for good. My hands trembled slightly from the adrenaline of the moment as I changed back into my masculine clothes, but…

I wasn't fine. I didn't want to be afraid anymore.

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

"I feel lower than a maggot," Masamune commented lamely. After Mitsuhide's departure, he, Hideyoshi and I had found somewhere to sit and talk in private while reviewing the situation. Mai had stomped off to Nobunaga's room, likely to complain to him after screaming at us about mistreating poor little Botan. Great.

"I did my research before recruiting Botan," Hideyoshi stated. "I'd suspected this would be us worrying needlessly."

"You talk as if you weren't the angriest of all of us that he might be a threat to Nobunaga," I interjected.

"Of course I was! But I didn't bring him into our ranks lightly. So, Ieyasu, don't think that I was being foolish in doing so. I know that you've been reluctant about this from the start." Hideyoshi chided me like a child and it rather made me want to punch him in the face.

"And why wouldn't I?" I snapped.

Hideyoshi shook his head. "It's over now. We did the right thing in making sure that our lord was protected. Botan will understand that."

"If he doesn't turn tail," I muttered.

"Could you blame him if he did? He could find work where his employers don't try to kill him." Masamune frowned. "Probably. But anyways, why were you so insistent, Ieyasu?"

"Excuse me?" Hideyoshi I expected, but now Masamune was on me? Today wasn't my day.

"The truth is that this only happened because you were suspicious and got us all caught up in it." He held up a hand before my inevitable protest. "And I'm not saying I wasn't out for blood when I saw that poison. We have to be careful of new faces even if we did have good intentions with bringing Botan here. It was the same with Mai. But this felt different. Like we jumped to conclusions."

"You of all people are saying that?" I asked flatly.

"Because I can tell the difference between what's personal and what's you thinking smart. This was the former. So what happened?"

"I know he's hiding something," I explained slowly. "And the poison confirmed what I suspected. I can't accept someone among us who's being so secretive."

"What, like you don't have secrets? Things you'd rather not talk about?" Hideyoshi asked sternly, fully reverting to a mother role now that the crisis was over.

I opened my mouth but didn't speak. Much as I hated to admit it, they were right. That was it. The answer was in the past. Botan reminded me of myself. Hurt and afraid of something. It was those eyes, constantly showing off those emotions. I'd once been the same way. I'd been used and mistreated. I couldn't stand seeing someone who was the same and yet making nothing of themselves, losing their way completely in the world with no goals or aspirations. The strong stood up after trauma and found something to fight for like I had found Nobunaga and his desire for unification to dedicate myself to. Botan was a ronin, a merciless and soulless killer for hire. Yes, it was personal. I hated the man.

"So, Ieyasu. I think you should go talk to Botan." Hideyoshi smiled slightly as he said it.

"Is that supposed to be an order?" I asked, trying to mentally light him on fire with a scathing glare.

"It's a strong suggestion."

"Why should I?"

"We should try to repair the bridge we broke as soon as possible. You apologized to Mai, remember, for how you treated her when she first got here? We all did. Except Mitsuhide, but that's another matter entirely. Botan is just our next Mai. Think of it like that. He's an ally and we should try to build a good relationship with him. Having that relationship will only make us stronger."

"Then why don't you or Masamune do it?"

"Because it's obvious that you started this." Masamune smiled in mock helplessness at me. "Just do it. You don't have to coddle the lad, but just fix what you can. Especially since Mai seems so fond of him."

"Lord Nobunaga as well," Hideyoshi added in an oh-so-helpful manner.

"Fine!" So here I was, being punished for protecting the leader of our revolution. My favorite. "I'll go." At least I would only have to interact with Botan for a short while. Nothing would come of this at all. As it very well should be.

Humiliated but feeling calmly resolved nonetheless, I dragged myself over to Botan's room and rapped on the door. When it opened, he only greeted me by raising his eyebrows expectantly. When I waited for him to speak in turn, the air only became more awkward.

I cleared my throat. "I came to… apologize."

Botan stared at me without replying for a bit, and I was almost unnerved until he smirked all of a sudden. "Hideyoshi's orders?"

"And Masamune's," I grumbled.

"Well, apology accepted. No need to force yourself." He closed the door and it was somehow worse because his tone was so friendly. The forgiveness was honest, but it was clear he wasn't too fond of me. The feeling was mutual, but I hadn't exactly mended any bridges yet. We were going to be on the battlefield together and might even end up fighting side by side if worst came to worst. Just this once, I needed to try to get closer.

"Botan," I called, feeling as if my guts were being dragged up through my throat.

He opened the door again and regarded me tiredly. "Hm?"

He certainly wasn't going to make this easy for me. "Do you want to learn more about medicine?"

*Sumire "Botan" Shinanoki*

It was hard for me to keep up with Ieyasu on the way to his residence, as he seemed to be trying his best to leave me behind. Maybe it had been the wrong choice for me to accept his offer, but I'd felt sorry for him. It was clear that he didn't want to be there. Besides, I was curious to see what he would teach me. He was supposed to be an expert.

His dwelling was what I had expected form him. Crisp and clean with little decoration. A calm garden without flowers but perhaps more lovely for its simple shrubberies and the small sounds of a pond. And next to that pond was…

"Ieyasu!" I hissed, seizing his arm and yanking him to a halt.

"What?" He hissed back.

"There's a deer over there. I'm going to go kill it. So please don't startle it."

"DON'T YOU DARE HURT WASABI!"

I jumped, letting out a yelp as I held up both arms in surrender. Admittedly, I'd been shocked by the outburst. He hadn't seemed like he carried that amount of passion within him. "Geez…" When I glanced behind my shoulder, the creature had disappeared. "I asked you not to startle it."

"Do you always go onto other people's property and immediately start killing things?'

"That's beside the point. Do you know what a good chance that was? I could use a deer for so many things. Food, clothes, trading…"

"You don't have to do that anymore. You're going to be taken care of as long as you're in Nobunaga's employ."

He had a point. I'd started to after the deer on instinct. "But how long is that going to last?" I wondered aloud.

"Come again?" Ieyasu's frown deepened.

"When I'm no longer needed, my status will go back to how it was. I'll just be a man with a sword. No land, family or wealth. Nothing to my name. So… There's no point in getting used to being taken care of."

"That all depends on how the war goes. If we lose, we'll all be in dire straits. If we win, Nobunaga will probably give you some land to reward your efforts. Provided you don't get yourself or more importantly Mai killed. So for now focus on not dying and then see where you end up."

Maybe that was his version of being considerate? Regardless, his words were comforting. "Hey, Ieyasu."

"What?" He eyed me suspiciously.

"If we lose the war and become starving and hopeless, at least we can come here to find a deer to eat first."

"Mention Wasabi one more time and I'll toss you into that pond and hope you drown."

"How deep is the pond?"

He glared at me. "If you keep begging to find out, then you will."

"Ooh. Scary." I laughed heartily at him. "You're funny, Ieyasu." I changed the subject quickly before he could scathe some more. "So what's Wasabi?" It was a pet, then?

"A paste that often serves as a pungent condiment."

I laughed again. "Don't try to be smart. You know what I meant."

He sighed. "Wasabi is the deer's name."

"How did it come to live here?"

"She was hurt." The way he put it so shortly made it clear he didn't want to elaborate.

"And you healed her." It was the logical conclusion. "Aw, you do have a heart!" It was just his initial attitude that was the problem, then. He stopped walking, and I almost bumped into him. "Ieyasu?"

When he turned around, his customary frown had shifted. It wasn't the angry warding scowl it usually was but rather a pinch that was almost… embarrassed? I tried to bite back a laugh, but a small titter escaped me anyhow. Hard to help it when this grumpy little whelp was almost being cute.

"Alright. Into the pond you go."

"What? No!" I yelled, pitch fluctuating wildly as he seized me, my body ending up thrown over his shoulder with my fists batting ineffectively on his back. "Unhand me, cur!"

"This is what you get for being an insufferable little child."

"You're calling me childish? Ha! Ha!" He wasn't going to go through with this, was he? He wasn't that immature. No wait, he definitely was. He wouldn't have threatened to throw me into a pond in the first place is he wasn't. We got closer and closer to the water, and I realized what might happen. Getting wet meant that my clothes would cling to me. That meant that he might see more of my shape, which was usually concealed with mildly baggy but not too oversized clothes. It also meant that I might have to change clothes while here, and that wasn't so safe either when there were so many random maids I didn't know or trust present. Besides…

Ieyasu's own body was so close. He'd grabbed me and was preventing my escape so easily. I hated it so much. It wasn't fair for him as a man to be so simply stronger than I was. No matter how hard I worked, there were differences between us. If I'd had the privileges of nobility, having time to train as much as I wanted and eat as much as I wanted without having to watch my back, I would have been able to catch up. The whole situation was revolting in a way, and I hated myself for thinking thoughts like how I might not ever get the chance to be this close to a male body again, how I might not ever be able to hold anyone so casually like he was grasping me. The only reason I was even in this position was because he thought I was a man and so didn't think anything of touching me. It was laughable and pathetic. I wanted to touch and be touched. Maybe I would get that opportunity someday, and there was a chance that if I put a good deal of effort into it I could make it, but I wasn't sure I would know how to love in the romantic sense even if I could.

Geez, just a simple touch and my thoughts were out of control. There had to be a simple way to put these feelings, but I didn't know what it was.

I gave a start when he heaved me into his arms in a more traditional bridal style, as the hold was called, and prepared to toss me in, expression neutral. No no no no no! "D-Don't let go!" I gasped, flinging my arms around his neck in a veritable chokehold and burying my face there. "Or I'll kick you somewhere you don't want to be kicked!"

"Woah!" Ieyasu dropped me, so all of my weight was bearing on his neck like a dead weight. He stumbled but managed not to topple into the water. Instead, he fell backwards and we landed in a heap. "I blame you for this," he groaned.

"The feeling is mutual," I replied, rolling off of him in a hurry.

"Why so panicked anyways?" He stood and brushed himself off, leaving me to pick myself up.

"I... can't stay afloat," I lied.

"The pond isn't even that deep. You could have just stood up in it."

"That doesn't mean I'm going to let you get me all wet!"

"You're so odd," he muttered. "You looked more afraid of the water than you did of Masamune's sword pointed at you."

"You know what's funny about that? Both of those situations were your fault." I attempted to joke, but it fell flat.

Ieyasu shot a glare at me. "You said yourself that you accepted my apology. Don't try holding it over my head now."

"That's not what I was trying to do. I'm sorry." I hesitated. "I just… I'm not used to this. Being playful with friends." That almost started explaining what I had gotten so upset about, but that was the best I could do at the moment.

"We're not friends."

I smiled gently. "Keep telling yourself that."

My expression and sincerity seemed to soften him, at least for now. "Hmph. Well then, come inside. We've wasted enough time."

"Right." Of course we didn't go to his private quarters, and that was for the best. He had a library of his own, not dissimilar to the archives I had heard rumor that Mitsunari seemed to live in part of the time as he researched and devised tactics. Books were neatly arranged by subject; that I could tell at a glance. A table on the far wall was covered in herbs, most of them dried. A mortar and pestle stood ready to use to create medicinal pastes.

"What's this flower?" Ieyasu marched to the table and pointed, wasting no time in assessing where my knowledge was.

I studied the shriveled yellow flower his thin white finger hovered over. His hands were large, though, and strong. But of course my attention was on flowers in that moment. "Goldenrod. It helps with inflammation."

"Right. Now this one." He gestured to the flower next to the goldenrod, another yellow one.

A trick question? "It's… still goldenrod," I said slowly, confused.

"Wrong. This is important for you to know. That's calendula. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since they look different with the blooms dead, but no one informed would normally mistake calendula for goldenrod. They may, however, mistake it for marigold. Calendula has more applicability than either of these. It helps heal wounds the fastest. If it's available, this is what you want first."

"Okay. What areas does it usually grow in?"

"Sunny places. As in, places that receive light from the moment the sun rises to the moment it sets. I know a good place. We'll go and get some before we go into battle."

I smiled. "Will we now…"

"Wipe that smarmy look off your face. It will just be slightly useful to have you there to help." He sighed. "Even with Mai learning medicine as well, she's not an expert. Having three people I can trust to prepare poultices will be better than two."

"Fair. So a calendula looks like a marigold. How do I tell them apart?"

"The petals won't be as bunched together and you can see the core of the flower bud on calendula."

"I understand." I glanced over other herbs on the table and saw a pale root. "That's ginseng, isn't it?"

"Yes." He narrowed his eyes when he saw me grinning at him. "What now?"

"Need some help, do you?" Of course we both knew that ginseng was commonly used as an aphrodisiac, particularly for men.

"Stop talking."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of…"

"It's for tonic." Ieyasu shook his head.

"Of course it is." It was nice in a way, to be able to tease him as a friend. It was good like this. "Oh, that's ginko. I love ginko. It helps with fatigue."

"You have trouble sleeping?"

"Why, Ieyasu! You almost sound like you care."

"And now I don't."

"So you did?"

"No."

I smiled and gently bumped his shoulder with mine. Come to think of it, he was barely taller than I was. I didn't look so out of place with him around, though I was helplessly shorter than the other warlords. "I got used to not sleeping too often or too long. It's easier to sleep with some aid now."

"Have to watch your back a lot, don't you?" He asked bitterly.

"And you're insinuating what, exactly?" My hackles raised instantly in response to his sudden and, in my opinion, unwarranted comment.

"It's common knowledge that ronin don't have any scruples to speak of. I'd imagine you would have to watch your back so as not to find a knife in it."

"And that's oh so different from the lords Nobunaga works with who would betray him in an instant if it suited their financial gain? Please, Ieyasu," I scoffed. "I've declined enough requests to assassinate lords and ladies to know that your supposedly noble class isn't the most honorable either."

"You have no idea what honor is," he muttered, almost so that I couldn't hear.

"And you've made no effort to understand what drives the life of a ronin," I retorted, raising my voice to let him know that I wasn't backing down from the conversation.

Against expectation, this seemed to give him pause as he turned his head to study me while I glared at him. "Why, then? Why did you become a ronin?"

I wanted to make a point to him and tell him everything, but of course that wasn't possible when we were hardly on good terms. "I had nothing. Nowhere to go and no one to turn to. So I learned to protect myself and decided that if people were willing to pay for me to use my blade then that was what I would do. Me holding back out of some sense of morality won't make the world any better or worse. I used my best judgement, of course, but yes, I killed for pay. Not all of us get taken in by Nobunaga Oda and made into warlords. Some of us are left to fight or die." I shook my head. "I don't know why I'm even telling you this. I have nothing to prove."

It wasn't until I said it that I realized it was true. Yes, I was a ronin and a liar, albeit one with good reasons. But I was here now and I was committed to protecting Mai. If Ieyasu wanted to hate me or think me unworthy, that was his business, not mine. "I have nothing to prove," I repeated quietly.

"There's always a way," Ieyasu said quietly. "To rise above your own weakness. Even if you have to let yourself be used, I think it's better to keep your integrity along the way."

"So… You don't like me because you think I don't have integrity? You think it would have been better for me to let myself be used and hope I came out of whatever would have happened to me alive then to become a sword for hire?"

He avoided my gaze. "I think you gave something up my becoming willing to stoop that low. I'm not saying I don't also kill. I intend to kill many when the war begins. But I kill for honor. For unification. You kill for… what? Like I said. Better to be used than to survive while sinking to the level of worms."

"Let myself be used, huh?" The words escaped in a harsh laugh before I could stop them or think better. "You have… You have NO idea what that means!" I was almost screaming and couldn't seem to stop myself. "You have no idea because you're a…!" I bit down on my tongue to cut off the completion of that statement. A man. Because he was a man, he had no idea what it would have meant for me to give in and let myself be used. That was never an option for me. I could never have allowed it to be an option. "If I had let myself be used, I would have lost something far more important to me than your damned honor," I spat. "Speak for yourself, you pompous brat."

He didn't reply immediately, and I couldn't blame him. There was certainly no kind response to my words, so it was probably better for him not to speak at all.

"I'll leave," I offered quietly.

"Wait." He grabbed my wrist, and I caught my breath. Ieyasu seemed to think better of seizing me, and he let go quickly. Warmth from his touch remained, and I rubbed my wrist with my free hand. "Let… Let me explain."