*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

I had requested the chance to explain myself, but when Botan was this angry and staring at me as if daring me to speak I had trouble forming words. It wasn't as if I was going to up and change my mind. I firmly believed that it was better to let oneself be used for the sake of survival rather than stooping to the immoral level of the ones we wanted so badly to rise above. But Botan had a point in that our circumstances were different, though I couldn't quite grasp what could have been so bad to make him so adamantly against my points.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked. He'd been rubbing his wrist as if I had.

"No. Of course not." He dropped both hands to his sides and stood stiffly.

"I spent my childhood as a hostage," I began. Why was I telling him this? Good question. The answer? Botan was calling the foundation of my life into question in a way. No, it wasn't that major. I wouldn't be all too affected by his words if given a small amount of time. But I had rationalized the past in this way, by saying that being used was better than losing myself completely to my hatred of the ones who had tormented me, the Imagawa clan. I couldn't easily reconcile him saying none of that was true. "I'm sure you can imagine what that entails. I was nothing."

"You had no way to fight," Botan murmured.

"But when I was able to fight, I chose to lend myself to an honorable purpose. There is always a choice as to what we fight for. I can't understand that you made a choice to give your life to something without purpose." I paused. "But you're right in that it's not up to me to forgive you or accept you. I'm the last person you need that from."

"Ieyasu, I…" Botan tucked hair behind his ear before shaking his head to loosen it. "I can see where you're coming from. And maybe you're right. Maybe instead of becoming a ronin I could have found a different place to go. Maybe I could have found somewhere people would have been kind to me. But I didn't want to be used. I didn't know where to go to find someone honorable to follow. Evil and cruel intentions can hide behind an honorable facade. I made the choice to live on my own, for myself, because I couldn't trust anyone." He clasped his hands together and looked at his feet as his voice trembled slightly. When he spoke again after a period of silence that felt almost unbearably long but was very short in reality, it was steady again. "But it's different now. I want to… to protect Mai, for my own reasons. I want to spend more days like this, talking and learning about medicine. Except, you know, without the painful talk of our pasts and bitter fights about our ideals." He cast a shy glance at me before looking back down. "Even if we don't quite see eye to eye, I think we can be allies. Is that alright?"

"I think so." I crossed my arms. "Yes." I certainly wasn't happy that I'd been pushed into revealing a close part of myself, but the conversation wasn't as agonizing as I had thought it would be. I'd managed to explain my reasoning and it was somewhat of a relief. We, Nobunaga's closest allies, had all come together from different circumstances and fought for different reasons while living under sometimes contrasting ideals. But we were all here, ready to fight and die if need be for our cause all the same. "And I'm sorry." There, I'd said it. Now let that be the end of it. Like Botan had said, I would rather move on with the heavy subjects behind us.

"I'm sorry too," Botan replied.

"Why?" Admittedly, I was the one most in the wrong for being so judgmental.

"I, well… No reason."

"Well that's annoying," I muttered. "Just be honest. Here I thought we were getting on better terms."

"Is that you're way of saying we're becoming friends?"

"Of course not."

"And you're the one telling me to be honest." Botan grinned.

"If you're honest, maybe one day I'll consider you a friend."

"How lucky for me." His smile faded, but he didn't look distressed. "I just can't be honest with you about everything. I suppose that's what I'm sorry for."

"It's normal to not be entirely transparent." Now that we had both explained ourselves as much as we could, my uneasiness about what I felt Botan was hiding had abated. Not that I didn't still sense a large secret behind his friendly yet distant veneer, but I understood him enough now to trust that he wasn't going to hurt Nobunaga or our cause. I liked to think that I'd learned from this incident to be a bit more careful about how I conducted myself in my suspicions. Hopefully I'd never have another case that made that necessary, however.

"Well then…" Botan looked at me with a tentative, bashful smile.

It wasn't as if I could just leave it at that. What an awful note to end the interaction on. "Do you… like walking?"

"I do it every day."

"That's not what I meant and you know it. It doesn't matter. Just come on." I led him outside. "I'll show you a good spot." The searing light of sunset lit our steps as we traveled past view of my home and reached a meadow. "You'll find some calendula among the weeds here."

"You brought me here to put me to work, I see."

"We may as well make ourselves useful." I crouched and started filling my arms.

"Have you ever looked at this place for something beyond its utility?" Botan asked.

"Why should I?" Appreciating flowers for being pretty helped no one.

"Because we can." Botan's cheeks flushed when I looked up at him. "Maybe."

"Appreciate them while you pick them, then."

"Fine, fine." He bent and squinted at the flowers, clearly trying to remember what he was looking for.

I almost laughed but got caught up looking at him instead. Whenever I got the chance to study him while he wasn't aware was when I got the strongest impression that there was something right in front of me that I simply wasn't grasping.

I didn't share Masamune's interest, and there was no telling where that might go on his part, but I was willing to state that Botan could be considered attractive. If he had been interested in women he could have gotten one, and he would probably find a male lover in Azuchi now that he had settled somewhere. Still… There was something he'd said, or not said, rather, that had my mind screaming at me to put the pieces together.

Something I didn't understand, could never understand because there was an insurmountable difference. That was what Botan had implied earlier, and that was what stood between him and the rest of us. I couldn't understand Botan's choices because I was a… A what? We were similar when one got down to it. We were both warriors under the Oda banner fighting for the same cause, both stubborn in our ideals but not totally unwilling to let bygones be bygones. Maybe one day we could be friends. None of those things seemed as if they would make Botan so easily frazzled and quick to withdraw. What else, then? He liked men and I liked women, as much as I could like any person I supposed, but that didn't explain his behavior or reasoning. It was something that would make him so against allowing himself to be used to survive. No, being a man didn't have to do with it. Unless Botan wasn't a man, but that was just as improbable as any other conjecture.

Hold on.

Unless Botan wasn't a man.

Ohhhhhh.

*Sumire "Botan" Shinanoki*

"It's not possible," Ieyasu muttered.

"What's not possible?" I asked.

"Nope, it's not. I won't even think about it anymore."

Was he listening? "I think you and Mitsunari would make a very handsome couple."

"Although it would make sense of some things…"

I crept over to crouch in front of him. "Except it wouldn't last long because you'd strangle him."

"Hm…"

"I find you very attractive." What a delightfully dangerous game I was playing. "But that's probably just because… you're attractive." Yes, he was handsome. They all were in their own ways. But the truth was also that, as I got older, with no one to rely on or confess to with all of my being, such thoughts plagued me more and more often. Beautiful faces and bodies, what it would be like to caress and hold.

Oh, so that's what it was. That was why I had become so flustered when he'd been about to throw me into the pond earlier. It wasn't just nerves and fear about keeping my femininity hidden. It was a matter of lust as well. Ah, how troublesome.

Even though seemingly he wasn't paying attention, he till picking the correct flowers while ignoring the ones that didn't suit his purposes. "But if that were the case… No, isn't he too stupid?"

"Are you talking about me?" I seized his nose and pinched.

"Bwah!" He swatted my hand away. "What are you doing?!"

I gave him a withering stare. "Who's stupid?"

"You are. Not as bad as Mitsunari, but still."

So he wasn't even going to react to the implication that he'd been saying whatever was on his mind aloud. Smart. Nor would I react to what his words might mean for me. I already knew that I needed to distance myself.

The trick all along to keeping my secret hidden successfully was to not interact for too long with any one person. Being a ronin made that seem completely natural. But it was different now. This was the first time I'd had to remain hidden while sustaining prolonged contact. Ieyasu was right. I was stupid. I was being utterly idiotic, leaving tells everywhere. There was no good reason. I was fully capable of being much better than I was now.

"You're making a pretty disgusting face," Ieyasu commented.

"Just mimicking yours." I flopped onto my back. "I'm tired." Of most everything, as it turned out.

"If you fall asleep here I'm leaving you."

"Makes sense. So, have you ever been in love?"

He sputtered. "Even if I had, why would I want to talk about it with you?"

"So that's a no. Ha!" I hopped to my feet and grinned as he scowled up at me.

"It's not something to gloat about."

"Who said I was gloating?"

"I see through that shit-eating grin of yours."

"I'm not gloating, I'll have you know. I'm just satisfied to know I'm not alone."

"I said I've never been in love, not that I'm a virgin like you. Talk to Mitsunari if you want a friend in that regard."

"Wha?! But you! Who would want to sleep with you?!" Besides me, of course.

"What's that? You brat?"

"I mean, I couldn't imagine you having the social skills to charm a woman. You know, for someone who lacks social skills himself you sure do like to tease Mitsunari about it."

"There's a difference between not liking to talk to people and being completely unable to understand what's going on outside of battle."

"Also, who said I was a virgin!"

"You're really hung up on this."

"You're insufferable."

Ieyasu smiled slightly, though it was closer to a triumphant smirk than anything else. "And you're a child."

"We look to be the same age."

"Age has nothing to do with it mental acuity."

"You…" He had me soundly beaten. "Geez. I'd have never guessed." I couldn't imagine it. Ieyasu with someone. Had it been a pretty girl? Likely. Smart or dumb? Had he enjoyed it or felt guilty or regretful afterwards? How did he look without clothes on? Okay. It was less that I couldn't imagine and more that I shouldn't. "I should go. I've been away from my post near Mai for too long."

"Coming back tomorrow?"

"But my post…"

"Nobunaga is here. Mai will be fine when she's with him. When he comes to visit, come back here. There's obviously more I need to teach you." Ieyasu seized both piles of flowers we'd picked and turned to go. "So?"

No. I needed to say no. "I… I'll be back, then." Damn it all.

"Fine."

"Don't say it like it's an imposition when you're the one who invited me," I grumbled.

"Don't sound too excited."

"I'm not!' I squeaked, then cleared my throat. "Goodnight."

He said nothing but waved over his shoulder as he left. Stupid prickly boy. I went back to my room, trying to craft more intelligent insults on the way. My thoughts yielded very little.

There was a note inside my room when I entered. It was from Mitsuhide, directing me to meet him at the castle gates in the morning dressed as a female, but armed. It had to have something to do with Yukimura Sanada. So Mitsuhide was going to make his move and wanted me involved. Fun.

As I laid my clothes out, I heard a light knock on the wall that connected to Mai's room. "Mai? Are you alright?" I reached for my sword just in case and floated quickly to the door.

"I'm fine." She sounded honest on that point, so I sat down. "But are you? Today seemed rough. Don't worry, though. I gave Nobunaga and the rest a piece of my mind."

I chuckled. "I don't doubt you did. Were they sufficiently scolded?"

"Terrified, more like. I've still got to get Ieyasu, though. He up and disappeared before I could talk to him. I swear, these guys just don't think when it comes to Nobunaga."

"No need. Ieyasu and I spoke personally. He was very apologetic." As sorry as he could be, maybe.

"Good." The change in her voice with that one word put me back on edge.

"Mai?" I exited the room silently and crouched in front of her door, tekko-kagi clenched in my hand.

"Um, Botan? Could you do me a favor? I –" Mai cut off in a scream as I burst into the room. I saw a flash of green and a face I didn't know; that was more than I needed to give reason to attack. My clawed blade whipped through the air, ready to devour. "Stop!" Mai's order, however, was also more than enough reason to freeze me in my tracks.

"Why?" I looked at her helplessly. Being a guard was rather difficult when she was always either getting upset with me or stopping me when I tried to do my job.

"Botan, this is my friend Sasuke. Sasuke, this is Botan, my... friend."

"That was quite the pause," Sasuke commented in a monotone.

I was a bit perturbed by it as well despite myself. But there were more important things to worry about. "First you get angry with me for questioning the boy in the market. Then you expect me to remain calm when you have random men in your room?"

"It's not what you're thinking, whatever that is!" Mai waved her hands frantically.

"I'm thinking that you have friends on both sides of this war. Yukimura Sanada is the boy in the market, for example."

Her shocked, fearful expression confirmed my suspicions. "Does anyone else know?"

I could lie. But… Mai would never forgive me if I helped to harm her friend. My duty was to protect her, and didn't watching out for her feelings fall under that protection? Fine. Foolish as it was, and even if it made me the traitor I had already been suspected of being. "Mitsuhide knows. They plan to take him tomorrow. I… I'm meant to help."

"Sasuke, we have to help him." Mai leaped to her feet.

"No," I snapped. "You will stay here." I turned a glare on her friend. "Are you with him? Sanada?"

"You could say that. He is my totally platonic, or perhaps not entirely platonic, bestie."

"You're still working on that?" Mai chirped.

"He and I are the perfect balance, like vanilla yogurt and plain granola. He simply has yet to accept it."

"Please be quiet!" I forcefully lowered my voice. "Sasuke, is it? Then it's your job to warn your friend and get him out of Azuchi tonight. If not, he'll become a prisoner here. Your choice."

"If you'll excuse me." Sasuke neatly left through a panel in the ceiling. I'd have to find a way to close that off, somehow…

"I should have killed him," I muttered.

"Botan!" Mai gasped.

"Why are you surprised? I was hired to kill anyone who might harm you. Do you have any idea what will happen to me if I fail? I risked my life just now simply by giving you that information. If Mitsuhide suspects me of leaking information and betraying him especially after what happened today, I could be killed this time."

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't think of it like that." Mai shrunk in on herself and hung her head shamefully.

I sighed and knelt in front of her, speaking gently now. "I just want you to consider before you act that playing both sides doesn't only involve you. It might hurt the people around you. Well, I'm referring especially to myself. It might just get me killed. Say I meet Yukimura Sanada on the battlefield. If I hold back because he's your friend and he doesn't extend the same courtesy, I will die. I can't afford that, Mai. I refuse to die in this war."

"I get what you're saying. And I'm sorry again. I'll… I'll try harder to keep everyone's interests in mind."

"Thank you. That's all I ask." I raised my eyebrows. "Now… Are you expecting any more visitors tonight?"

"N-No…"

"Good." I stood to leave. "I'll be next door. You know what to do if you need me."

"Hey, Botan?" Mai called hesitantly.

"Yes?'

"Why do you care so much? About me?"

Because she was a woman, frankly. Because I admired her fierce kindness. But I couldn't be honest knowing she had allies on the enemy side. "Because it's my job," I replied gruffly, untrue words searing my tongue like a brand.

Mai's face fell. "I see. Alright. Well… Good night."

I dipped my head and exited, letting out a heavy sigh when I closed the door. Giving up my loneliness was much more difficult than I had thought it would be.

When full dark came and I lapsed into sleep, it was brief and uneasy. I twitched into wakefulness and felt that I had only been out for the span of a blink. Tired yet restless, I tapped on Mai's wall. "Maaai. Maaaaaai… Hey Mai!" She was probably asleep. Aw, but I wanted to chat.

It was then I remembered I'd left my tekko-kagi in her room. It wouldn't do to have her roll over on it in her sleep and cut her head off in the process. With my luck, that's what would happen. I crept into her room to find it empty.

Why. Was. I. Even. Surprised.

"Damn it!" I bellowed, scraping my weapons together and breaking out into a sprint. A guard needed to know their ward, and I should have known better than to trust that Mai would sit still and do nothing when her friends might be in danger.

It hadn't been too long, right? I could stop her, bring her back safely. A woman alone on these streets at night… I rushed as much as I could while still retaining a semblance of stealth.

I heard the briefest yelp of a scream from the distance and instinctively knew that it was her. My insides burned as I ran faster, faster towards the noise. Before she was gone, I had to catch her. There was no telling what might happen to her if I were to fail.

She was being loaded into a carriage, body limp. She had been forced unconscious then, either by medicine or bodily blows. It didn't matter which; flames of rage were stoked within me all the same. I just grasped the edge of the door before it was closed and forced my way inside, initial strike met effortlessly by the blade of a sword longer than a person.

"One of Nobunaga's dogs?" A teasing voice greeted me as I struggled not to lose ground in the small space. Mai's body was draped across the man's lap, and everything began to jerk as the carriage moved. So, this was bad.

He had mentioned Nobunaga specifically. That combined with his general aura were telling. This man wasn't just a common brigand. He seemed healthy but not especially young, though nowhere near elderly. Thick dark eyebrows hung above luminous eyes. But the blade caught my attention more than anything else. I'd heard tell of a warrior who wielded a sword as tall as he was.

"Shingen Takeda," I hissed. So had Yukimura Sanada and this mysterious Sasuke person set a trap for Mai? Would they do such a thing? I trusted Mai to have better judgement in choosing her friends, but the situation didn't look good. If Shingen Takeda himself was here, then Sanada had obviously escaped.

"Careful. We wouldn't want to hurt the little lady."

Wasn't he bluffing? He'd taken the trouble to kidnap Mai, so he wouldn't hurt her immediately. Not without using her as leverage first. I needed to worry about myself too. This was a stalemate I would eventually lose. If only I could move without opening myself for attack, I could have… Maybe I could…

So that was it. If I couldn't seize Mai without letting myself get hurt, then I would gladly take the hit. I dragged the blade of my short sword along Shingen's katana, using all my effort as the shrill screech of metal crossing metal echoed in the enclosure. I was able to shift the angle of his blade just enough so that it was directed at my shoulder instead of my head and chest. Then, in a burst of movement, I dropped my sword and yanked Mai's body to mine while entangling Shingen's blade within the three prongs of my tekko-kagi. The sword bit into the space between my neck and shoulder before I was able to stop it and bit deeper still as even with the tekko-kagi interfering Shingen's strength still overwhelmed me to the point where I couldn't stop his movements entirely.

All of that happened in an instant, and my exit was just as brief. I threw myself backwards, Shingen's sword jerking out of the flesh painfully in the process. My short sword was left behind as it clattered to the floor of the carriage, and I smacked into the road with one hand around Mai's back and the other cupped to her head to protect it from the fall.

I landed sharply on my back and lay winded from the impact for a few moments before the imminent need to keep fleeing brought me back onto my feet. Mai wouldn't wake up, so I slung her onto my back and started to run-limp away.

"Leaving so soon?" Takeda no longer sounded amused. The carriage had halted not too far up the road and he had trailed back to us. "Normally when a woman wants to leave I'll take a hint, but I'm afraid the princess here is a special case."

I lay Mai gently on the ground and stepped forward protectively. "I'll not lose when it comes to her."

"Shingen." Another man melted from the shadows. "What's taking so long?"

"I just ran into a stray dog, Kenshin. I'll send it on its way quickly."

Kenshin. So this was Kenshin Uesugi. Every instinct screamed at me to flee. I wouldn't make it with Mai dragging me down, but on my own I could get away.

As if I would really consider such a cowardly option. I would rather fight and die than abandon another woman in the street to two men.

"This one might entertain me, even if for only a short while. Let me take care of it." Kenshin drew his sword in an elegant flourish. "I've been itching for a fight." He approached me slowly, gleaming white as a ghost. "You've got decent eyes, but you're not a warrior. Not yet. Pity to cut you off at the root when you've got room to grow, but that's what it means to fight for Nobunaga. Death."

Think. Think. Think. How to get Mai and I out of here. I couldn't expect help. No bystander would be foolish enough to step in even if they were here, and even if anyone at the castle was notified it would take too long to get here. I had only moments. Moments. I…

I couldn't think of a single strategy. I would die here and they would take Mai, do who knew what…

I let out a sharp yell and charged. If my mind wouldn't think, then my blade would do everything for me. It didn't seem as if I had a choice.

Kenshin batted my strike away as if I were a fly. If only I had my short sword… With just a tekko-kagi, I'd only win if I could disarm him. He continually aimed for my unarmed side, and having to shift to counter him put me off-balance at every turn. When he finally knocked me down, I knew for certain that it was over.

Not a warrior yet? How laughable. I'd never wanted to be a warrior. I wanted to be a simple woman. And now I was going to die a man, and a useless one at that.

"Dying for Nobunaga's concubine. Pitiful," Kenshin muttered as he lifted his sword over me, prepared to plunge it downwards.

The spark of a fleeting idea flitted into my mind. Women. Kenshin Uesugi hated women. If I could use that to my advantage, however briefly…

I seized his sword, cutting my fingers on its sharp edge, and pulled it towards me. His eyes widened with shock as I made a shallow cut up my own body from navel to neck, shredding my clothing in the process. I jerked the two halves of fabric aside to expose my chest, unable to breathe in that petrified moment.

Though I expected his sword to make its way into my heart, he froze. "A woman," he breathed, shock, confusion, anger and disgust warping his porcelain features.

I let out a scream as I lunged, batting his sword out of his hands before slashing at his torso. The cut wasn't deep enough to kill, but it would certainly sting. Kenshin fell back and in a rush of movement I seized Mai and fled as quickly as I could. How much blood had I lost from the injury to my shoulder? Surely not enough to kill me, probably, but I was so tired. Mai was unexpectedly heavy. It didn't seem that Shingen was giving chase. He had probably decided to take care of his comrade first and foremost, luckily for me. Or maybe he'd decided to take pity on me due to my being a woman. It didn't matter. We'd escaped.

But that didn't mean we were safe. Well, no. Mai would be fine. I, however, became aware when my sight began to blur that I was certainly not alright. "Come on," I seethed through gritted teeth. We just had to make it back to the castle. But what if Mai was actually hurt? I was no expert and wasn't in the condition to examine her. However… I knew who was.

Ieyasu's residence was shrouded in haze, though the night was clear. I inwardly apologized for trailing blood all over the floors, though I knew it didn't matter a bit. But where was the curmudgeonly medic himself? Goodness. Men were so unreliable.

"Ieyasu!" I screamed his name repeatedly until he came into view, striding with clear fury.

"What are doing here at this…" He trailed off when he realized my state. "Botan…?"

I smiled weakly. "I didn't know where else to go."

He flew forward just in time to catch me as I pitched forward. "What happened?!"

I tried to hand Mai off. "Mai... I don't know if she's hurt. I think she was just rendered unconscious by medicine, but I don't know for sure."

"Worry about yourself, idiot!"

I smiled and dropped to the floor once I had assured myself that Mai would be taken care of. "Yeah…"

"Botan!"