*Sumire Shinanoki*
After training with Masamune the next morning, part of me felt like I would never be able to lift my arms again. Still, I went back to my room feeling refreshed and proud. All of that positivity faded into guarded dread when I saw who was loitering in front of my door.
"Mitushide," I muttered. "You're… here. Joy."
"But of course. You still owe me five more favors."
"Five? Wasn't it four?" So much had happened so quickly that our negotiations had all but slipped my mind.
"Oh my. Or was it eight?"
"Five, okay, it was five! I yield."
"Good that we could come to an understanding. Now, I'm sure you're aware that Hideyoshi is away on business at the moment."
"Of course." He had left earlier that morning on a trip to try and convince some lords who were on the fence to finally join Nobunaga before the war began in earnest.
"While a necessary effort, Hideyoshi's absence does leave us with a small problem."
"There's no one to properly worship the ground Nobunaga walks on?" I half-joked.
"Yes, it's tragic. Possibly more tragic is that there is now no one with the time and patience to be sure that Mitusnari neither accidentally harms himself nor anyone else."
"Hold on. Are you honestly about to ask me to babysit as one of your favors?"
"Don't be mistaken. I couldn't ask this of just anyone. It takes a special someone to take care of the boy. Also, everyone else refused."
"And you think I'll do any better?"
"I'm fairly certain neither of you will die."
"How reassuring." He had a point though. Masamune would never take a duty like that seriously, Nobunaga likely had an innumerable amount of more important things to do, and Ieyasu would never be able to suffer through Mitsunari's constant companionship. "Well, I understand. I'll watch over him until Hideyoshi returns."
"Not to worry. It's only a few days. By the time he returns, I do believe I'll have another mission for you to set out on." He paused. "You can still wield your sword, yes?"
"It's no issue."
"Good." He crossed his arms. "As an aside, I'll say that I have been sending a few inquiries in regards to your village in my spare time."
My chest got tight, and I bowed my head. "I appreciate that. Really."
"I really do wish you'd been able to give me more information. Is there anything else in particular you can remember?"
"Well…" My mind rejected the pain searching through my memories caused, and any image I could conjure came out hazy. "There was a man with…" Something particular about him… But no. I couldn't remember quite right. I'd have to sit in solitary silence later and push myself to recall.
After a long silence, Mitsuhide spoke. "Spend some time thinking on it and get back to me when and if you can."
"Thank you, Mitsuhide," I said gratefully.
"Don't thank me. I can't promise you anything."
I shook my head. "Even so."
"Hm." He studied me for a moment before turning away. "Whatever you do, under no circumstances should you allow Mitsunari to make tea."
I smiled despite myself. "Noted."
Mitsunari was in his room reading and, for whatever nefarious reason, Masamune was there.
"Botan!" He grinned at me as I sat beside him. "Want to feed him?"
"What?" I'd been too busy looking at the mess Mitsunari had made. There were so many stacks of books that his futon was completely hidden and there was barely room to take a few steps. The stacks themselves were tottering, and it was a small miracle in itself that Mitsunari wasn't currently buried beneath them. The man himself was sitting as a small desk reading with what I judged to be an astonishing speed while he also seemed to be completely unaware of the world around him. To boot, Masamune had a plate of food on the table before him and was slowly guiding small bits to Mitsunari's mouth with a pair of chopsticks.
"Watch what happens when I try to give him a carrot." Masamune snickered as, when Mitsunari was offered a carrot, he turned his face away, whereas he had been mindlessly accepting the food up to that point.
"Why are you doing this anyways?"
"If he's reading, he'll barely eat for days. Feeding him is just a civic duty."
"Huh. And I thought you wouldn't care enough to bother with him while Hideyoshi is gone."
"I'll choose not to take that as an insult. Besides, this is about all I'll do since it amuses me. The rest is up to you, lad."
"Gee. Thanks." I sighed and stood. "Well, if you're going to be here feeding him for a while, I'm going to actually put some of these books back where they belong."
"You remember where the library is?"
"Eh. I'll find it." I seized a stack of ten books, or tried to, but my still-sore shoulder complained with bitter pain. I halved the stack and went on my way, taking a few wrong turns before I remembered where exactly the library was from the rather detailed map Hideyoshi had drawn for me (as apology for thinking I was trying to assassinate Nobunaga, I believed) which I'd just barely skimmed.
To my horror and delight, a certain lovable porcupine was standing there in the low light. He was distracted, absorbed in his own text, so he didn't notice me immediately. I took a moment to appreciate the scene. The room smelled faintly of ink and the slow, lightly smoking burn of lanterns that bathed the space in a calm glow. Ieyasu, to me, felt like the center of it all, shining faintly and lovely in his stillness.
"Um," I began, stopping and trying to smother a giggle when he jumped.
"Sumire," he grumbled, turning a scowl on me. "What are you doing here?"
My heart skipped a beat from hearing him say my name, and I cleared my throat before speaking. "What, I can't like books?"
He rolled his eyes. "Somehow you don't seem like the bookish type."
"You wound me." Truth be told, I hadn't read anything besides a menu or letter from an employer in years. "But honestly, I've been tasked with taking care of Mitsunari."
"Ugh." Utter revulsion twisted his face.
"Wow. Tell me how you really feel." I smiled as he scowled again. "But I'm here trying to organize his mess and put back some of the books he has in his room. It looks like he has half the library in there."
"He'll just revert even if you do clean it up. Don't bother."
I shrugged. "It's something to do." After roaming around, I gathered easily enough that the shelves were organized by subject and then alphabetically from there, so I started slipping books back into their proper places. "And what are you doing here?"
"Reading," he clipped sarcastically.
"No! Really?"
He rolled his eyes and snapped the book in his hands shut as he drifted to my side. "Oh, shut up. I'm just taking a break from making medicine. Once the fighting starts, there won't be enough of it to go around."
"I'll help," I volunteered instantly.
He hesitated and looked straight ahead. "No need."
"Ah. Well. Okay then. But I could be useful." People would die on both sides, obviously. Ieyasu was right to prepare as much as he could while he could. "You yourself taught me a bit about medicine. We could prepare twice as much together as you could on your own."
"Well, if that's what you want, I won't stop you."
Getting to spend time with him was an added bonus, too, and I was a bit ashamed my thoughts turned that way at a time like this. "Um. About yesterday –"
"You don't have to say anything."
I hit his arm lightly. "Just let me talk. I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."
He finally looked at me again, eyes widened slightly with surprise. "Pardon?"
"I'm sorry. I made things uncomfortable. It's no wonder you'd worry that we wouldn't be able to work effectively together. I shouldn't be thinking about those kinds of things anyhow. Not now."
Ieyasu sighed softly. "Look. It's not like I'm not aware that you're a woman when I'm around you."
I turned my head so he couldn't see my face, which reddened at his words. "What do you mean by that?" I mumbled.
"I don't know." He paused. "Maybe that's it. I don't know you well. Everything happened quickly, and I disclosed to you things I would never tell anyone that I didn't know and trust. I'm navigating new territory here."
"I am too, though!" I laughed. "I have no idea what I'm doing. Mitsuhide found me out, then Kenshin Uesugi did, and I still don't know what the outcome of that is going to be if anything, and then you found out, and I barely know how I'm supposed to live or act. Ieyasu, I don't really know what it means to act as a woman with a man. Yes, I lived as a girl for a long time before a few years ago, but that was before I…"
"You what?"
At this point, there didn't seem to be a point in not being honest with him. He'd made a good point in evaluating the speed of our disclosure with one another. Circumstances had aligned that we'd learned information that made us feel close, but not a lot of time had passed. It was a whirlwind neither of us had prepared for.
"Um, well," I began awkwardly, "it was before I started experiencing, er, sexual feelings and desires. My years of matriculation were… complicated. I haven't had many things explained. Not that I'm entirely ignorant, but… You know."
He took what felt like an eternity to respond. "How should I interpret that statement?"
"I'm attracted to you," I admitted. "And I don't know what it means. As in, if I want anything from you and how much that might be if that's the case." Although I felt embarrassed, more so than I ever had before, it was also good to get it off my chest. Not talking about it would leave me getting nowhere.
Ieyasu's response, however, was less encouraging. "Oh."
"That said," I continued, feigning calm, "I can find someone else to help me change my binds if you like. I want us to be able to have a professional relationship, really, I do."
"Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?' Ieyasu asked sharply. "Who else would you ask?"
"Well…" Good point. Only Mitsuhide knew besides Ieyasu, and it didn't seem like my best option for reasons of his personality. Maybe if I disclosed to Masamune? No, not yet if ever. "I could tell Mai?"
Ieyasu frowned. "I suppose you could, though I don't see why you'd want to keep spreading your secret. If you're fine to continue with our current arrangement, then so am I."
A gentle letdown, then. If the feeling was mutual, now would have been the time to tell me. Still, I appreciated that he was choosing to be kind about it. "I'd like that. Thank you."
Ieyasu rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. "I don't know if this helps or not, but I don't know how I feel about you either."
A painful hope sprung up in me, and I tried to crush it. It was neither affirmation nor rejection, but either way it wouldn't do to get ahead of myself. Besides, even if he did feel the same way, did we really have the right to indulge in wartime? Was I actually prepared or even able to sustain any sort of relationship? "Well, then… It seems like the only thing we can do is to just accept how awkward we're going to be."
He smiled slightly. "It's not the worst thing."
"Yeah."
"To change the subject, and I think we'd both like to change the subject, where is Mai? For a guard, you don't do a lot of guarding."
"She's been staying in Nobunaga's room since the incident. Nowhere safer than that."
"Hm. He's a sap when it comes to her."
"Well, he must have been scared. The enemy tried to take Mai away from him. It's natural to be scared of losing someone you love." I met his eyes as we glanced toward each other, and we both looked away sharply. "When the rest of you ride off into battle, I'll be here with her. Until then…" Well, until then, my life was to be dominated by Mitsuhide's favors. Life could be much worse, I figured.
"Focus on healing. I trust you're not stressing that wound too much?'
"Of course not," I lied, body already hurting in anticipation of upcoming training with Masamune that night.
"Good. I'll come by later tonight to help you, then." He motioned to my shoulder.
"Uh, when tonight, exactly?" Training with Masamune would undoubtedly take up the entire evening.
One of his eyebrows shot up. "Does it matter when?"
Why hadn't I thought about scheduling? "Could you come tomorrow, maybe? In the middle of the day?"
"No. I have a life other than helping you, you know." He frowned, turning grumbly again. "It's Masamune, right? I don't know why you insist on keeping secrets and sneaking around."
"Yeah. Um, Masamune will keep me busy a large chunk of the night and in the morning, too."
His eyes had widened, but he forced his expression back into neutrality. "You sure do work fast. But don't take too many unnecessary risks, okay?"
"Huh?" It took a few moments for my thoughts to click together. I'd said that Masamune would keep me busy through the night and into the morning. It wouldn't be outlandish at all for Ieyasu to conclude that that meant Masamune and I would be together all night. "N-No, that's not it! We're not… I mean… Trust me, I'm in no place to… He thinks I'm a man! I'd never risk it!"
"I figured. It certainly sounded strange. You know, you can tell me what's actually going on. I won't get mad."
If he put it that way, I felt foolish for keeping anything from him at all. "Well, he's training me. And I'll remind you that you just said you wouldn't get mad."
"Training."
I couldn't read his tone, so I continued nervously. "Yes. After losing to Kenshin, I, well, I wanted to get stronger. Masamune has been helping me."
"Wow. I've thought about it recently, but I'll say it plainly now. You are a very stupid person."
"What? I'm not!"
He crossed his arms and glared at me. "Did I or did I not tell you to go easy on yourself and rest? And your immediate response is to strain your injury. Have you been experiencing bleeding or pain?"
"Pain, yes. No bleeding. I've been as careful as I can be, believe me."
"Being as careful as you could would mean you didn't do what you're doing in the first place. Idiot." He sighed and dropped his arms. "Let me check you."
"Here? No way."
"It wasn't a request. Lucky for you, I've got supplies on me. It's as if I was subconsciously prepared for you to mess everything up."
"But I have to get back to work…"
"If I'm going to keep helping you, you need to work with me. If you're not going to listen and take care of yourself, then I won't waste my time."
"Okay, okay. I hear you, and I'm sorry. It's just that I can't afford to sit around."
"You also can't afford to hurt yourself even more in the process of trying to get better."
He was right, of course. "Again. I'm sorry."
He sighed and moved to have his back against the door, blocking anyone else's entrance. "Come here. We should be fine."
"Um…"
He beckoned to me impatiently. "Just hurry. It's not like I want to be doing this either."
"Fine." After approaching I stared fixedly at the floor as he took my shoulders and situated me at a proper distance in front of him.
"Don't be upset at me," he muttered. "It's your own fault."
"You don't have to keep rubbing it in," I mumbled as I undressed.
"How else am I supposed to make you learn your lesson?"
"Trust me, I won't forget."
"Good. I don't want to keep reminding you, fool."
"Sure." I closed my eyes tightly in response to his touch.
His voice, when he spoke, felt as if it was washing over me. "I don't know why you didn't tell me you were just training," he murmured. "Instead of acting like it had to be some big mystery."
"You were the jealous one," I retorted quietly.
"I was not."
"Oh? You could have fooled me."
"Quiet."
I smiled and dared to peek at him. "I didn't tell you because I thought you'd stop me."
"And that gave you no inkling that what you were doing might be wrong?"
"Not one bit."
"So childish." He leaned closer some as he inspected my injury with scrutiny.
I put an arm across my chest to lend myself the slightest bit of decency. "How is it?"
"It's inflamed. You've been tearing at it. If you say it hasn't reopened yet, then it will if you keep going like this."
"So what should I do?"
"Maybe do what I said and take it easy, fool. But since I know you won't, my advice would be for you to cut down on your training if you're going to do it at all."
"So, one session per day instead of two?"
"Two per week for the next two weeks. Then you can increase it."
"Only two… Damn." Masamune would be disappointed.
"You're lucky I'm not tying you down to force you to rest."
"Gee. The places your thoughts turn to."
"Don't be so childish."
"Hm." I sighed with relief as he applied salve to the injury. It tingled, fresh and cool. "Thank you," I said quietly.
"Thank me by taking proper care of yourself."
"I'll try."
"Not good enough." He tied fresh bandages neatly and tightly, and I redressed.
"I will."
"You'd better. Next time I'll let you just go ahead and hurt yourself."
"I understand. I'll be more careful."
"Yeah." He started to move away from the door, but stopped when I grasped his sleeve. "What is it?"
"Um." I licked my lips nervously. "Ieyasu, you… Um, have you ever kissed anyone? In a romantic way."
"I haven't," he stated, looking into my eyes and searching.
"I see." I backed away, trying not to smile. I was shamefully, gleefully pleased by his answer. "Sorry to hold you up."
"That's it? No explanation?"
"For what?"
"That question."
"Hm. Nope. No reason." I'd wanted him to explain it to me, how it was possible for me to have felt nothing when being kissed by Masamune. What would his face look like if he knew Masamune had done that so suddenly? I wanted him to be jealous. My infatuation made me a bit less of a good person, perhaps.
"Am I supposed to take it as a request, then?"
"Huh?" I gasped as he smirked and went to gather a few books for himself.
"Don't try to tease me, Sumire. I'll definitely bite back."
"Er…" I looked away, feeling my cheeks heat and chest tighten. "N-Noted."
"As long as you understand." With that, he turned his attention back to reading.
Damn. I'd been completely defeated. I was in a daze the entire way back to Mitsunari's room. Masamune had by now left, likely bored with waiting for me and having done his job of feeding the absentminded tactician. Mitsunari, for his part, was still reading. He'd at some point picked up a different tome, but for all appearances it looked as if he were immovable.
I quietly brewed tea and set a cup in front of him, which he picked up and sipped at without looking. I set about organizing the books, realizing that he had placed the ones he had yet to read on the right side of the room and the ones he'd finished on the left. I transferred the left books into a few organized, tall stacks in the corner of the room, making up my mind to avoid the library so long as there was the slightest chance Ieyasu might still be there. I rearranged the books he had yet to read by subject and into stacks that wouldn't fall and hurt someone before doing a bit of cleaning, as some dust had accumulated. It was a wonder how Mitsunari was able to live like this, but I had to respect his effort.
I was in the middle of rationalizing how enough time had passed that Ieyasu had probably left the library and I could surely return some of the books when Mitsunari's voice nearly made me jump out of my skin.
"Ah, Botan," he said pleasantly. "How long have you been here?"
I whirled around, hand over my heart. "Phew! You scared me. It's easy to forget you're here when you're reading like that," I laughed. "But anyways. I've been here a while, it feels like."
"Goodness, it seems you've been working hard." He looked at the cleared room with appreciation. "Shall I make us some tea? It's the least I can do to thank you."
"No!" I said hastily. "No need. I made some earlier, if you recall."
He looked at the empty tea cup before him with surprise. "Ah, so you did."
"Was your reading productive?" I refilled his cup and poured myself some before sitting across from him.
"Oh, very." He removed his glasses and folded them neatly before rubbing at eyes that had to be very tired and strained. "I thought it pertinent to brush up on a few strategies, and in the process I've gotten a few more ideas. It's easy to lose my thoughts in planning for each and every contingency, and, to be honest, consulting texts like these calms me. Their answers are so firm that it makes me feel more confident."
I hadn't thought about his responsibility before. Without solid planning, it didn't matter how strong any given group of soldiers were. Strategy was what would be the true difference between life and death. "Hey, Mitsunari?"
He smiled pleasantly. "Yes?"
"Why do you fight? What's your reason for wanting to be strong? Training like this." I motioned to the stacks around us, very aware now that his form of honing his skills through reading was just as legitimate a method of training as swordplay was.
"Why… Well, I have a responsibility. With what meager skill I have, it is my duty to save the lives of others."
"Meager? You're a renowned tactician."
He blushed modestly. "Goodness, you're flattering me. But it's hardly that. I'm nowhere nearly as accomplished as someone like Lord Ieyasu."
"So are the two of you… close?" It was a tossup as to whether or not Mitsunari was even aware of how much Ieyasu disliked him.
"We're comrades, and I do think friendship came from that naturally." Mitsunari beamed.
Oh my. He genuinely had no clue. "R-Right…" I laughed awkwardly, unable to bring myself to burst his bubble.
"I admire him. He works hard, and he's determined and strong. The determination he shows in particular is more so than that of almost anyone else here, I'd say. Perhaps even Lord Nobunaga. That would be why Lord Nobunaga himself respects Lord Ieyasu so much." Mitsunari nodded sagely.
"Where do you think that determination comes from?" I had an idea for myself but wanted to hear what Mitsunari had to say.
"I know vaguely what he's been through. I'd wager that he works hard to move past his experience with the Imagawa clan and defy any limitations anyone might have ever placed upon him. In short, all of his hard work is a declaration of his unlimited prowess. He's showing others and himself how worthy he is."
It was as if my own thoughts were echoed perfectly. "I agree." I nodded, smiling. "That just makes it even more strange that you seem to doubt yourself somewhat. You're undeniably essential, aren't you?" Though I hadn't heard as many rumors and legends about him as I had the other warlords, Mitsunari's name had come up as one to be respected.
His cheeks reddened again with sweet bashfulness. "Ah, I'm not so good at talking about myself. I'd rather talk about all of the more amazing people around me that inspire me to work harder."
"Alright, I'll let up. But I'm glad they have you to rely on. It makes me worry less about all of you having to go fight soon."
"Not to worry. We won't take this fight lightly by any means. Though I'm certain we'll suffer losses, I know that we have the chance to seize victory."
"I'd hope so." I looked at the windows to see the sun fading slowly and hopped to my feet. Masamune would be waiting for me. "Ah, I didn't realize it was so late. I should go. But I'll be back tomorrow."
"Of course. You're welcome to visit anytime." Mitsunari smiled and was seizing another book as I left. As I rushed to the training ground, I was caught up in a bout of sudden optimism. It had to be as Mitsunari said. The potential we all had was limitless, and even if losses were inevitable, we could come out on the other side. And if that happened, then my dream… Marriage, happiness, an entirely different kind of life. The people I'd met here were part of that vision now as well.
And they were about to wage war.
*Ieyasu Tokugawa*
It was a matter of horrifying fortune that I was forced to visit Mitsunari one tragic afternoon. There was a book that I had checked the entire library for multiple times before I'd finally admitted that it was lost in the cesspit of his room and I would have to go there to fetch it or else it would be absorbed into the ether and lost forever to the world. If Sumire's cleaning of his room hadn't made the book turn up, then it was somewhere in there.
I'd fully prepared myself to endure the unbearable agony of his oblivious presence, but somehow I was completely thrown to find Sumire sitting across from him with the two of them sharing an identical huge, sappy smile.
"And so I realized that if a blanket was a dumpling, then I had to be dumpling meat, and so if that was the case, then I simply had yet to be baked. So every time I slept, I was temporarily becoming a little dumpling, and when I woke up, it was because I was finished baking," Sumire was saying. "And that's the story of the first and only time I was drunk."
"How mystifying," Mitsunari murmured, eyes wide with amazement. "I've never thought about taking rest that way. Surely, my sleep will be magical tonight." He looked up and grinned at me as I lingered befuddled in the doorway. "Welcome, Lord Ieyasu! Would you like some tea?"
Okay. Time for pros and cons. Cons: Being near Mitsunari, having to talk to Mitsunari, being on the same plane of existence as Mitsunari. Pros: Sumire. Tea. Also, Sumire.
"I'll have a cup," I muttered, seating myself next to her. "Why are you here?" I hissed as Mitsunari stood to fetch me a cup.
"Mitsuhide asked me to watch him while Hideyoshi is gone. Apparently he was delayed?"
It was true. Hideyoshi had been gone for much longer than had been intended and had sent a letter a few days ago explaining that he was working on convincing a particularly stubborn lord whose assets would be useful to our campaign. A week had passed since my last conversation with Sumire in the library. Her wound was healing well, and it seemed like she wouldn't need my help for much longer. I didn't feel one way or another about it, but it was clear she was excited. Well, not that I was the fondest of her spending more time with Masamune, but I didn't exactly have the right or good reason to protest.
"I'm actually more worried about Mai than Lord Hideyoshi," Mitsunari said as he sat. "I haven't seen her around much lately."
"Me either." Sumire frowned. "I know she's back in her room instead of staying in Nobunaga's like she had been right after the incident, and I've been standing guard when I'm not here, but we haven't spoken." She crossed her arms and stared down at the table, clearly distracted. "If I knock and try to talk to her, she says she's fine and isn't ready to come out. The maids have been delivering her meals."
"It's best to let her be," I offered. "She'll process things in her own time."
"I suppose," Sumire murmured. "But I can't call myself a good guard if her mental health isn't as good as her physical health, can I?"
"I don't think you can take full responsibility for another person without draining yourself," Mitsunari said comfortingly. "Offering your support is the best thing you can do to reassure the person while still watching out for your own health at the same time."
"True," I agreed begrudgingly. That was surprisingly insightful, for Mitsunari.
Sumire smiled slightly. "I appreciate it. And that said, I'll go back to my proper post now if you're alright, Mitsunari. I'll be back this evening." She stood, and I frantically scanned the room until I saw the title I'd been looking for buried halfway down one of the several piles of books.
"Oh, yes. Thank you again for making sure I ate lunch."
"Anytime." Sumire dipped her head and turned to leave, eyes lingering on me for a moment before she did so.
I scrambled up, seized the book I needed, and followed her without another word to Mitsunari. "I can't believe you were about to leave me alone with him," I groaned once I'd caught up to her in the hallway.
She smirked. "You would have survived."
"How can you say that after having actually experienced him?"
"Oh, come on. He's oblivious, but he's lovable and kind to the core. He's talented and a hard worker. Plus, he genuinely admires you. He's impossible to hate."
Lovable, huh? "No one has the right to be that oblivious. He's a genius on the battlefield, but anywhere else he's intolerable."
Sumire laughed. "So, in the end, the main thing is that you respect his skill."
"I do not. Don't put words in my mouth."
She bumped her shoulder gently against my arm. "I was just repeating what you basically said."
"Then check your understanding," I muttered, pushing back against her gently.
She chuckled and tucked hair behind her ear, letting our contact linger a few beats before standing straight. "Are you worried, Ieyasu?"
"About what?"
"War. I've been thinking about it. I feel stronger now, but I've never been on a battlefield before. I can't comprehend how hard it must be to function in all that chaos."
"I get what you mean, but I'm not particularly worried, no. It's part of my job to always be prepared for things like that."
"I see." She nodded slowly.
"Why do you ask?"
"I feel confident that the Oda will win. But that won't stop me from worrying. So, I'm wondering… What are you fighting for? What will you think of to bring yourself back?"
"It's not as if I want to die. I don't need another reason than that."
She smiled. "That's the kind of response I expected from you."
"What else would I say?"
"Well, what kind of life do you want to live when all is said and done?"
After the war, then. If unification was achieved, what would I do? A fair question. "Live quietly. I'll have nothing left to prove after we win."
"A quiet life. It sounds wonderful."
There was something else I felt like I needed to say, but I couldn't put my finger on it. War was coming, and I could die. Even Sumire could die on the off chance Nobunaga sent her to the battlefield. If she died... I'd have regrets, and I'd wish I'd acted differently. Still, there wasn't enough grounding between us for me to be certain. I didn't know what was the proper next step to take or if I should just pull away from her since things felt so complicated. Whatever the case, I was the idiot if I didn't take steps to remedy things.
"Don't go back to your post quite yet," I said without thinking.
"Where else would I go?" She asked with a bemused smile.
"With me." I swallowed, trying to get my words right even though they were so simple. "Come out into town with me. Not for long."
She looked at me with guarded curiosity. "Alright."
"Don't sound too excited."
"Just let me check in on Mai one more time, okay?"
"I'll wait outside." I stopped in the hallway and watched her approach Mai's door as if it were the lair of a demon. Obviously they had a strained relationship, but it wasn't my business why or how that had happened. Still, it seemed to bother Sumire, so it bothered me too. It wasn't something I could help with, though; it needed to be resolved between the two of them.
That said, I wasn't as surprised as I might have been when a hand snaked out from Mai's doorway and yanked Sumire inside, though it felt a bit surreal somehow.
Well. I guess I was going to wait.
*Sumire Shinanoki*
When I knocked on Mai's door, I expected to get the same response she'd been giving me for what felt like ages now. She was fine, didn't want to see anyone, and/or was busy with something or other. This time, however, was different.
"Mai?" I asked, trying to hide my worry. "How are you?"
Her voice was almost a shriek. "Botan! Just a moment! Don't come in yet!"
Wait, so was I to understand that she was finally going to let me in, though? "Okay?" I said, confused but deciding not to question my fortune. Before I realized it, the door had flown open and I'd been yanked into the room unceremoniously.
It felt like being in another world after having been shut out like I had been. I was dazed but also shocked to find that Mai actually looked healthy, more so than her reclusive behavior would have suggested.
"I'm glad you came!" She declared, looking both frazzled and happy. "I just finished making everything perfect and was starting to panic about how to talk to you, and then you were there."
Wait. What? "Wait," I began slowly. "So, you don't hate me?"
"How could I hate you?" She asked incredulously, eyes wide.
"Because the last conversation we had before you were kidnapped completely due to my negligence was about me being mean to your friend who was my enemy and you being friends with my enemy and, overall, unpleasant things," I rambled, drowning to the brim in confusion.
"I know. That's why I've been doing this." She knelt, ducking her head with embarrassment, and patted the floor in front of her. As I sat, she presented a short bundle to me.
It was an entirely new outfit, immaculate and hand-stitched with such obvious care and effort that my eyes got a bit misty with sentimental appreciation. The trousers of the hakama were a medium gray, and the top was the same shade with thin white stripes along the neckline. The haori was black, and all of these neutral colors made the dusty pink peonies stitched on either side of the jacket stand out incredibly. She'd created a red undershirt and gloves as well, and stitched tiny peonies on a white ribbon to keep my hair up.
"It's alright if you don't like it," she rushed to say when I didn't respond immediately to the gift. "I know it's a bit girly, but I thought it would suit you, and you looked so happy when you were dressed in feminine clothes that I figured you'd enjoy it if I could add a few touches. And, um…" She bowed, forehead and palms pressing to the floor. "This is my apology to you."
I gaped like a dying fish. "Er, what? Wait, wait wait wait. Shouldn't I be the one apologizing to you? You could have gotten hurt because of me."
"You saved me! And, it's my fault you got hurt." She gestured to my arm.
"It's fine, I promise." I sighed when my words only seemed to make her sadder. "In a way, I'm personally glad I was hurt. I'm not happy about what happened to you, of course, but that incident brought some good things…" My friendship with Ieyasu, for example, and being able to learn about him. My resolve to become stronger, my time with Masamune and realizing my goals. "It's a loss I'm working on coming back stronger from."
"I know that doesn't make my part in it any better, but I'm happy for you." Mai smiled, but it faded quickly. "I think I owe you an explanation. As to… Well, why I'm friends with people in the opposite army."
I wanted to say that secrets like that wouldn't get in the way of our continued friendship, but I couldn't. "I'd appreciate understanding that," I said quietly.
"You're going to have to bear with me here. Even if what I'm saying sounds crazy, please just listen."
I thought briefly of Ieyasu waiting for me but decided quickly that Mai was far more important in the moment. "I will."
"Okay." Mai took a deep breath. "I'm from a Japan hundreds of years in the future. I was brought here by a wormhole almost three months ago. Sasuke, the ninja you met before, is from the same time period. The wormhole is about to open again in Uesugi-Takeda territory, so Sasuke and I both have to make… a choice now. A huge, irrevocable choice."
"A choice," I repeated. Wormhole? Future? I didn't understand a whit of it, so I tried to reason it out. In hindsight, Mai did say a lot of strange things. Words I didn't understand but seemed to make perfect sense to her. It was suspect, but… Why would she lie about this? "And this explains your friendship with Yukimura Sanada as well?"
She nodded. "Well, Yukimura and Sasuke are… Together. Like Nobunaga and I are. So Yuki and I became friends. And yes, I've known for a little while that he's been here spying. But since it's like that with him and Sasuke, I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't do anything to hurt either of them."
"I see…"
"And is it so bad for me not to want anyone to die?!" She demanded, going on a tangent. "Why shouldn't everyone be able to share the world happily somehow?"
"Their regrets and their hatred runs to deep," I murmured. "It would be difficult to stop." I for instance, wouldn't hesitate when I found the one responsible for the destruction of my home. "But am I to understand that you and your friend—Sasuke—have the opportunity to go back to where you came from?"
"Yes. If you'd asked me during the first few days here, I'd have gone straight back without hesitation. I'd have started my dream job and lived happily. Neither of us expected to be in this situation. I mean, I couldn't stand Nobunaga's attitude when I first came here. But Sasuke and I both have someone very important here now."
"What is your future like?" I asked, unable to imagine what the world might turn into. "Is there war? Is unification achieved? How… How are women treated?"
She tilted her head at the last question. "There's still war, though it's fought a bit differently. It'd take a long time to explain. Japan becomes unified, but in my time, it isn't Nobunaga who did it. In my time…" She frowned, hesitant. "Nobunaga is supposed to have died in a fire months ago. It was Hideyoshi and Ieyasu that finished unifying Japan. Me coming back in time… changed a few things."
Nobunaga was supposed to be dead, and… "Ieyasu," I murmured. Despite the situation, I found myself smiling. How wonderful. That man who wanted so badly to rise above the pain of his past had gone on to be one of the men to unify Japan. "Of course."
Mai blinked and gasped softly as if she'd just realized something, but she continued answering my questions. "Women have more rights in my time than they do here. They're not seen as property or objects to be had. Well, mostly… There are problems, but we can speak out about them. That, at least, is good."
"So those things will always exist…" I nodded, accepting it. It wasn't surprising that people would hurt one another in the future the same way they did now. "I believe you, Mai. Though you hid things, I don't think you're the type of person to lie about something maliciously." I smiled. "I think I can see more of where you were coming from now." She thought of the world as a unified one where people had the potential to get along. To Mai, it was only normal to want to fight for a version of this time where war could be avoided with ideals.
"Thank you, Botan." Mai smiled softly, relieved. "Really."
"Does Nobunaga know?"
"He does."
I crossed my arms. "You should go home, regardless."
"What?" She seemed caught between shock and anger. "How can you say that?"
"You're lucky enough to have a home to go back to, so that's where you should be. It's where you belong."
"You can only say that because you don't have…!" She took a deep breath and drew back from her own anger. "Sorry. But where's this coming from?"
Alright. She'd been truthful with me, so I owed her the same courtesy. "I'm a woman, Mai. My name is Sumire Shinanoki."
She just stared.
I explained everything. My mother, my village, the circumstances that had led me here. "Mitsuhide and Ieyasu know, and now you. That's why, Mai, I tell you that you should go back to your home."
"It's obviously not that simple!" She cried. "A life without Nobunaga, and everyone else… Even you, Botan. Sumire, I mean. I can't imagine it."
"But you have family waiting for you, right? A mother and father. Brothers and sisters, maybe?" I smiled weakly. "If I could get back what I'd lost, I'd do anything, no matter the cost or what it would make me."
"Even if it meant losing Ieyasu?"
"Huh?" What did he have to do with this?
"It's obvious you like him. So would you go back home if it meant you'd never be able to see Ieyasu again? Or anyone else here?" She challenged.
"Without hesitation."
"Oh." Clearly, that hadn't been the answer she expected.
"It wasn't just me. Other families were ruined and slaughtered. I was the only survivor. If I could go back and stop that moment, it would be dozens of lives. It's a simple question of weighing the greater good. I'd forget everyone and return to the past."
"I can't do that," Mai stated. "I can't leave."
"Then you have your answer." I smiled reassuringly. "You've decided already."
She smiled back. "I guess I have, yeah…"
There wasn't a smooth transition out of that moment, so we sat in a silence that felt tense but necessary. Something had been released that had needed to be.
"I should go," I finally said. "Ieyasu might be waiting for me, though he's probably left by now."
"Why didn't you say so? I wouldn't have kept you for so long." Mai grinned. "Go have fun on your date."
I ignored her comment and scratched at my warming cheeks. "It was more important for me to talk to you."
"Thank you. Really. I feel better."
"Me too." I squeaked when she put her arms around me tightly, burying her face in my neck.
"I'm rooting for you, Sumire."
I squeezed her back gently. "Thank you. Thank you…"
"Okay!" She pushed me back and grasped my shoulders. "I'm going to get you dressed for your date. I'm going to live out my dream and become a successful seamstress and designer, after all!"
"Well, alright then," I consented, though I didn't understand some of the words from her mouth.
Giggling, she helped me into the clothes she'd made. "Good, good… I got your size right. You know…" She said almost shyly as she straightened my collar, "It's nice to have another girl around. I've missed having that kind of company."
"Me too." I realized how badly I'd felt the same as I said it. "Goodness, me too. I'm glad I could tell you."
"Okay! So, the moment you get back you're going to tell me how it went, right?"
"Uh, sure." Not that I knew what was going to happen either. I'd probably have to turn right back around because he'd gone home.
"Hold on! One more thing." Mai deliberately loosened a few strands of my hair, which she'd just tied neatly up. From a strange bag, she withdrew a strange contraption. A circle, when she opened it, had a glass inside. A mirror, she explained, and she showed me what I looked like. "There. Now you can go."
"Um." I smoothed my outfit down, though it was already perfect thanks to her work. "Thanks…" She'd made me quite pretty, though not too girlish either. Would he like it? Would he notice?
"Go. Go, go!" Mai ushered me outside, laughing, and shut the door sharply.
Geez. She was more excited than I was. Not that I wasn't excited… My heart was pounding.
Lo and behold, there he was, sitting against the wall with his head tilted back and eyes closed. I tiptoed over and knelt in front of him. "Ieyasu," I whispered.
Disappointingly, he wasn't surprised. His gaze flicked over me, and I tensed under the evaluation. "I take it things went well."
"Well enough." I avoided looking into his eyes, thinking back on what I'd said. I'd leave him without hesitation. I'd declared that while feeling firm in that conviction. But that answer was based on an impossible choice. I could never go back. "Ieyasu," I murmured, smiling nervously. "I'd rather not lose you." I'd rather have him by my side and be with him. That quiet kindness of his and his denials of it. His frustrating attitude, his contrary ways. His ambitions and his efforts. I loved all of these things.
"Uh." He looked away. "What are you saying, fool? Back up. Shoo." He stood once I'd given him space. "Well then, Sumire… Follow me."
Because I could and because our future wasn't guaranteed, I took his hand. "Lead the way."
A/N
Alright. So, I had to include a hint of a romance between Sasuke and Yukimura. I HAD to. Story time. In the Ikemen Sengoku app in one of the side stories that come along with the gacha/special events, Sasuke called Yukimura something along the lines of his "totally platonic bestie." Calling that whole thing platonic filled me with an irresistible desire to deny it and write something entirely un-platonic. You can look forward to actually seeing more of them together in the story. Thank you for reading.
