Before Rose
-NobleWriterofWho
Author's Note: Hello! It's hard to believe it's been so long since I updated this. Obviously it can't end like that. Warning: this story continues to be dark. Read at your own discretion.
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. Also I am not a therapist.
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Chapter 6: Letting Go
He started calling Dr. Valter Cara. Little by little day by day he started doing the thing that always got him in trouble. He started caring. She could guilt him into taking meds and eating. She could get him talking, not about the war, but other terrible things had happened. He'd lived 900 years; there were plenty of bad memories to choose from.
Today was nothing special, but it felt significant. It felt like a turning point. They both felt it. And the Doctor, he hated change. It was the one thing even he couldn't outrun. So whatever was about to happen he already didn't like it.
"What I don't understand Doctor is why you think you are so special." She held up her hand to stop his protests. "Anyone else you would forgive. Anyone else you would see the good in them. You wouldn't sentence them to die or stars forbid kill themselves because of mistakes they'd made. You're kind to everyone but yourself. Whatever reason there is for that it's not justified. I don't care what you haven't told me! You are not special!
Not more evil than every other creature in the universe. Such a clever man should realize that. I know it's hard to see ourselves clearly, but you must try and extend your own morality to yourself."
He really was stupid. And so destructive. Allowing her in. Allowing her closer and closer. How had he managed to convince this woman he was a good person? How could she not see the monster? He was dangerous. So dangerous. She shouldn't even be near him, but here she was empathising.
"You don't understand," he choked out.
"Yes I do."
"No you don't. You don't know what I've done. You can't even imagine!"
She shrugged. "It doesn't matter."
"Yes it does!" he screamed, grabbing at his short hair.
He was panting; he didn't know when that had started. His hands shook where they were on the bed. He curled them into the sheets staring Cara down. She hadn't argued, but he could tell she didn't believe him. So convinced of his goodness. He couldn't be further from the person she thought he was. He bit the inside of his lip and looked away.
Suddenly it came to him. He knew what he deserved. He hadn't been able to kill himself yet but this was the next best thing. He could make her want to. He could make everyone want to. All he had to do was tell the truth. He had no right to hide it. Why had he been? Because it hurt, because it was hard, because he thought he might curl up and die of shame. He deserved all of that. He deserved her hatred. He'd shatter her image of what a great man he was. Once he was finished she'd have him executed or have him locked up for an eternity. He didn't want to spend eternity anywhere, but he had to accept any form of punishment. He deserved it.
He finally looked at her. He couldn't wait any longer or he would lose his nerve.
"What do you know of The Last Great Time War?" he asked.
Her face fell.
