Good afternoon everybody! Here we are with a new chapter. It's a little longer than the last one, but not by much. Longer chapters are on their way, I promise.
There is a brief mention of Lilith's scars in this one, but only what's necessary. I think the way this happens brings her and Athelstan closer to being in the family, so I hope it makes sense. There's also a brief mention of something else at the beginning, so you can guess what it is.
More notes at the bottom!
Discovery
When Lagertha handed Lilith a white gown that went almost to her ankles, she worried the woman would see her marks and think Athelstan had something to do with them. Thankfully, Lagertha showed her to a place where Gyda apparently changed and allowed her to pull the gown on without looking at her body. Then it was time for bed. As the newest child in the house, Lagertha nudged Lilith into a little alcove where Bjorn and Gyda slept first. Gyda followed and then Bjorn, making it so he would be the first one to leave the next morning.
Lilith wasn't very sleepy, though she was tired and closed her eyes to rest right away. She had no dreams, sleeping more soundly than she had in her whole life and only waking when she heard feet shuffling passed the alcove. She opened her eyes to see it was already dawn, and when she looked at Bjorn and Gyda still asleep, she carefully crawled over them to find Athelstan. He wasn't in the house, so she left to find him.
The morning air was cool but humid, meaning it might rain later, and Lilith took in the new world around her as she walked passed the shed with the animals still bleating and clucking. A few minutes passed before she turned toward the water and saw Athelstan there alone. She started toward him as he splashed water onto his face, only to hear him crying just as she reached him.
"Athelstan, are you hurt?" she pleaded, kneeling beside him as he sucked in a deep breath.
"No, Lili, I am not hurt," he said, his voice thick with tears.
"But you're crying! What's wrong?"
He huffed and more tears slipped down his face. She reached for his face, turning it toward her as his eyes closed so she wouldn't see them. Quickly, she wiped his cheeks and then lifted his chin. "Are you sad?" she whispered.
"I am … scared. For us both."
Lilith was confused. Neither Ragnar nor Lagertha had mistreated either of them so far. True, it had only been a single night, but what could have possibly happened to make him react this way? She moved forward, wrapping her arms around his shoulders the way he always did to her when she was scared. He held onto her as he stopped crying, breathing deep and then leaning back to look at her.
"Forgive me," he pleaded. "I do not mean to give in to despair. We are both alive. That's the only thing that matters."
"What happened?"
He struggled for half a minute, clinging to her in way he never had before. "I almost – I mean, I didn't, but I almost – And I couldn't have taken it back. And it – I was weak, and I would've – Please just forgive me, Lili. Please."
"Of course, I forgive you," she promised. She moved forward and held him again. "And you are not weak, Athelstan. You are the strongest person I know. No matter what you might have almost done. You didn't do it, did you?"
He shook his head, holding her closer. "No," he affirmed.
"Then you didn't do anything wrong," she assured him. "Isn't that what you're always telling me?"
His soft laugh halted as he cradled her head and leaned back to kiss her cheek. "I take it you slept well last night?" he asked.
She nodded as he stood up, and the first thing he noticed was her bare feet, of course.
"But where are your shoes?" he exclaimed. "How many times have I allowed to be barefoot outside in the mornings?"
Lilith tried not to smile as they walked back to the house. "Only when it's just me and you. But we're not in the monastery anymore. Can't I just this once?"
He squeezed her hand. "Just this once, I suppose."
She looked up at him as he bowed his head, and when she saw his hair, she stopped and blinked. "Athelstan, your hair!"
While she still held his hand, she pulled him down, touching the new hair that was growing over his scalp. Athelstan sighed heavily as she did, rising to keep her from doing that for too long.
"Is that what's wrong?" she asked. "Other than what you almost didn't do."
He nodded and looked at her. "It's part of it. But do not worry over me. It's my job to worry over you."
Slowly, he pulled her back to the house as Lagertha came out.
"What are you two doing?" she asked pointedly.
Lilith looked up at Athelstan, and he walked closer to Lagertha.
"She was looking for me. I was just getting myself together. It won't happen again."
Lagertha looked at Lilith, not saying anything for half a minute before she turned to allow them inside. "I need you to tend the fire while I take Gyda and Lilith to bathe."
Lilith grasped Athelstan's hand tighter, thinking of her marks and suddenly afraid. He turned her to face him, leaning over to look at her.
"It's all right, Lili. You're safe here. I promise."
She looked up at Lagertha, biting her lip and letting go of his hand so the kind woman could reach for her and guide her inside. Athelstan followed them, doing as Lagertha asked while she gathered up the girls to leave the house.
The only other thing Liliththought about as she walked along the narrow path to the springs with Lagertha and Gyda was that she had not bled in nearly four weeks. Even though it had only been nine months since she had begun, she had tried to keep track of it so she knew when to wear her dressings. Athelstan had always told her not to let others know, especially the monks around her, but now that she was no longer in the monastery, she didn't know if anyone else should know. She still didn't know what it meant, even if she knew it was because she was a girl.
"We usually only wash every few days," Gyda said as they walked. She reached for Lilith's hand and pulled her to her side. "But since you're here now, we will show you where it is so you can do it also. How often did you bathe in your monastery?"
Lilith hesitated for only a second. "Every other day," she admitted. "When it was cold, probably once every three days. And then every day when I was . . ." She stopped, not knowing how to say it. There had been no words for it in the books she had read, and of course, having only Athelstan to confide in, there had never been a woman or even another girl for her to talk to about it.
Lagertha noticed her hesitation instantly, turning to face her and then leaning down to look at her. "When you were what, Lilith?" She caressed Lilith's cheek and squeezed her shoulder. "It is all right, child. You can tell me."
Glancing at Gyda, Lilith took a deep breath. "When I was bleeding," she revealed.
She didn't have to say anything else. Lagertha sighed softly and smiled. "Then forgive me for calling you a child. You are a young woman, and this is something that we should rejoice in."
Lagertha stood up and pulling Lilith closer, holding her and stroking her hair. "Come," she said and reached for Gyda. "We will bathe, and then we will talk."
Lilith pushed out a heavy breath, relieved as they all continued on the path to the springs.
Though the morning air was cool, the waters they arrived at had steam rising from them. It was a small grove, surrounded by trees that allowed for a good amount of privacy. Lagertha deposited the pouch she had brought with her, and she and Gyda began to undress. Lilith watched them, having never seen anyone else naked, much less any other women, and she became afraid again.
"Lilith, come," Lagertha beckoned, urging her forward.
Not moving, Lilith kept her arms around her, trembling as Lagertha moved closer to her to remove her gown.
"No, please," Lilith cried, backing away.
Lagertha didn't move, her hands empty as she held them palms up in front of Lilith. "I will not harm you, Lilith. It is all right."
Lilith bit her lip, unfolding her arms and then holding her hands at her sides in fists. Slowly, she moved forward so Lagertha could take off the gown. Almost immediately, she saw the scars on Lilith's arms. Her reaction was similar to Athelstan's, but she was much gentler, easing her hands up Lilith's arms to her shoulders and feeling how they went around to her back. She turned Lilith around to look, still gentle as she stood and pulled Lilith into her arms.
"Oh, my child," she murmured. "Who could have done this to you? Why would the gods have allowed you to be harmed in such a way?"
Lilith had no control over the tears in her eyes as she began crying, and Lagertha held her for a minute before releasing her and kneeling in front of her.
"I am sorry this happened to you. No child should ever be made to endure anything like this. I promise you that no one here will ever harm you this way, and I promise that I will do everything I can to make you safe here. I swear this to you on my life."
Lilith cried just a little more as Lagertha wiped her tears away and stood. She took Lilith's hand and pulled her gently to the water.
"It is all right," she said again.
It took another half minute for Lilith to relax, and once she did, her tears stopped and Lagertha helped her bathe.
But then, when they finished, Lagertha's gentleness faded completely. She gathered Lilith and Gyda and started back to the farm, her face turning hard and her lips pressed into a thin line. Lilith worried she would be angry with Athelstan, but she hoped Lagertha would give him a chance to explain.
Athelstan was outside when they made it back to the house, and Lagertha confronted him as soon as she saw him.
"Did you do it?" she demanded.
Stunned, he drew back. "Do what?"
She glanced at Lilith and then looked at him. "This child has been harmed in a way that no child ever should be. It sickens me, and it angers me. Did you do this to her?"
Athelstan sighed, also looking in Lilith's direction before he answered. "No. But I should have stopped it a long time before I discovered it myself."
Nearly none of Lagertha's anger dissipated, but she stepped away from him, reaching for Lilith and Gyda and then nodding for him to go inside where Ragnar and Bjorn were already eating.
"Ragnar, you need to see this," she said, and immediately, he looked up.
"What is it?" he asked.
Lagertha held Lilith to her and then turned her to look at her. "It is all right," she said a third time. "You can trust us."
Lilith hesitated again, looking at Athelstan. He nodded, and she looked at Lagertha, nodding herself.
Slowly, as carefully as she could, Lagertha helped Lilith out of the top of the gown she wore, keeping it over her chest as she turned Lilith's back to face Ragnar. The man's face immediately fell, and he turned to them from his food, reaching out and touching Lilith's back so lightly that she barely felt it. That was all he did before he looked at Athelstan, his expression as hard as Lagertha's had been.
"You had better explain this," he commanded. "And quickly before I do the same thing to you."
Athelstan sat beside Lagertha, reaching for Lilith and covering her up. "It's not really mine to tell," he said and lifted his eyes to Lilith's. "Since I only discovered it about nine months ago. It's all right, Lili. You can tell them."
She inhaled as deeply as she could, turning to face Ragnar and sitting on Athelstan's leg. "It was Father Cuthbert who did it to me," she began. "Because he did not think I would behave without it. I was a baby the first time he did it. I only know that because of these," she said and held out her arm where the first ten marks still shown on her skin, "have been here my whole life. The first time I remember it, I was five."
Lilith exhaled as more tears fell down her cheeks. "He always told me I was evil and that I was spoiled. And he never let me just be. He was always punishing me for something. I was never good enough for him to let me just be."
Ragnar watched her face as she spoke, listening before he looked at Athelstan. "Is this true?" he asked, his voice low and threatening.
"It is," Athelstan admitted, bowing his head. Quickly, he added, "As soon as I found out, I stopped it straight away. I moved her to another part of the monastery and I stayed with her as much as I could. I would have gladly taken any punishment he thought she deserved. I was the only one there who wasn't afraid of her. She's only ever been innocent to me, and I suppose I basically cursed them all when I saw what had been done to her."
Precious seconds passed as Ragnar took in Athelstan's words. The air around them almost crackled with fire waiting for Ragnar to speak. Lilith held Athelstan's hands as he held her, waiting for Ragnar to react. Slowly, the older man took a deep breath, covering his face and rubbing his forehead. It didn't look like he would say anything until he lifted his eyes to her and beckoned her forward.
Lilith went this time without waiting for Athelstan to do anything, allowing Ragnar to embrace her. He held her so tight that he nearly crushed her, cradling her head and pressing the side of his head to hers.
"You have my word, my child, that this will never happen to you again for as long as I live," he swore to her. "And if anyone tries, they will have me to answer to."
He leaned back to look at her, holding her face in his hands. "Yes?" he questioned.
Lilith nodded, and he pulled her closer to hold her again.
"And you, Athelstan. You raised her and protected her as best as you could. And so she is yours and mine together, and no one will harm you. I am angry at the men who did this, not you. Hmm?"
Athelstan gave his answer by nodding as well, and that ended the matter.
For the rest of the day, Lagertha and Gyda took Lilith around the farm, showing her every corner of it while Athelstan did chores close to the house. By the time supper was made and put on the table, everything about what Lilith had said was forgotten. It had been a long time for her to carry the weight of what had happened to her alone, before Athelstan had known about it. Now she felt that she never had to carry it alone again.
The days began to pass quickly, even with summer setting in. Lilith loved playing with the animals, and Gyda took her swimming in the springs again. She hadn't been free like this in all her life, even though Athelstan had done his best to give her what he could. He mostly did what Ragnar and Lagertha asked him to do, but he was still allowed to sit with Lilith and read with her before supper. Lilith almost forgot that she lived somewhere else the first twelve years of her life.
After a few weeks, Ragnar traveled back to Kattegat with Athelstan, but Lagertha didn't say why they were going. They were gone for nearly four days, coming back with news that made Lilith worry.
"I have the Earl's permission to sail back to England," he announced almost as soon as he was back. "I want to leave as soon as possible."
Lagertha glanced at Bjorn and then Gyda and Lilith before she spoke. "How soon is that?"
"Tomorrow," he revealed.
Her face remained unchanged as she listened, and she turned to him with a sigh. "We all wish you success," she said and turned to him. "We will sacrifice to Odin."
Ragnar paused as he kept his back to her. "Are you not coming?" he asked her.
Lagertha also paused, almost smiling. "What?"
He turned to her, grinning his curious grin. "I want you to come with me," he asserted.
She glanced at the children and Athelstan as they sat around the table. "But the farm," she said to Ragnar. "The children."
"Bjorn is still too young," Ragnar determined. "Although he can help out on the farm."
Bjorn looked between his mother and father before then looking at Gyda and Lilith. "Then who is to be in charge?" he asked, confused.
"The Priest," he stated, glancing at Athelstan. "I will leave him with the key."
Bjorn was on his feet immediately, shouting. "Father! You cannot place a slave above me," he exclaimed. "Your natural son."
Ragnar didn't react, only eyeing his son and telling him to sit down without saying anything. Then he glanced at Lilith before he spoke while looking at Athelstan. "I don't regard him as a slave," Ragnar said. He reached out and touched Lilith's cheek. "He's a responsible person. Especially to have raised a much more well-behaved child than mine."
Athelstan rose slowly, looking at Lilith and then Gyda and Bjorn. "Ragnar Lothbrok, are you certain you want to do this?"
Ragnar looked at Gyda as she sat next to Lilith. "What do you think, Gyda?"
"I don't mind," she said simply. "I like the priest."
Ragnar smiled and glanced at Athelstan before he stepped away and began to pack. Lagertha waited until he was far enough away to lean over in front of Athelstan.
"While we are away, it will be your responsibility to keep my children safe." She also glanced at Lilith, reaching for her and moving hair from her face. "All my children. But if any harm comes to them, the consequences for you will be much more dire than what Ragnar would have done when you first arrived."
Athelstan took in her words as he had everything else, clasping his hands together and sitting up straight. "I will do everything in my power to keep them all safe. I swear," he said and looked up at her.
She moved away then also, leaving the four of them at the table alone. Bjorn fumed the whole time they waited for Ragnar and Lagertha to come back and sit down for supper. Lilith watched for any sign that maybe they hadn't meant what they said, but she saw now. She hadn't ever been anywhere with just Athelstan, and even though Bjorn and Gyda would be with her now, she found herself looking forward to it.
Even if it only lasted a little while.
So it seems like that thing that happened between Ragnar and Lagertha and Athelstan might have still happened. There's probably a version of that in my head somewhere, but who knows if it will ever see the light of day?
Anyway, here we are. I'm currently toiling along in one of the later chapters, so I'll leave this here. I hope you like it.
Thank you so much to everyone who followed this and put it in your favorites. I hope more of you tell me what you think, even just to drop me a line or two.
Next chapter should be up next week! Until then.
