I forgot to thank all the people who have been following this and putting it in their favorites last week, so thank you! Every time I see a fave or a follow come up in my notifications, I smile a little. I would smile even more if I got a review, so if you want to make me smile, please do not hesitate.
We're covering a few important events in this chapter, but I will admit that I'm not that great at writing fights or battles, so I'll ask forgiveness now if it sucks.
Also, we're still in Lilith's perspective, so just go with the idea that what happened in the show happens here to.
Enjoy!
Combat
For the first time in her life, Lilith was worried over someone other than Athelstan. She had never worried over herself, not even when Father Cuthbert had punished her for the most innocuous things. But she had always worried about Athelstan, especially when he had been away on missions. And now, she was worried about someone else. She was worried about Ragnar.
Lagertha had already told her numerous times while Floki was gone not to worry over Ragnar, even if it was plain that she worried about her husband more than anyone. Gyda was worried, but she was better at hiding it. Bjorn tried to be strong for his mother and his father, but Lilith could see he worried just as much as she did. And Athelstan — He sometimes looked like he would not stop worrying even after this whole ordeal was over with.
"Ragnar has only just began to regain his strength," Athelstan said the morning after Floki left to go into Kattegat. "And I know what he plans to do. If anything happens to him, something will happen to me, and I fear, to you as well. And I do not know how to reconcile that."
Lilith listened as carefully as she always had, hearing something else in his words even if she didn't understand completely. "Maybe we should pray for him," she suggested even if she hadn't since Leif's father Erik had been killed.
That brought a little smile to his face, and he pulled her under his arm to hold her close. "We should," he agreed. "But not too loudly. After all, God hears us no matter how softly we speak."
So that was what they did while they waited for breakfast, sitting by the fire as Helga and Lagertha watched quietly. Lilith felt a little better afterward, but she still anxiously waited for Floki to return for the next two days.
"Earl Haraldson has agreed to the challenge," Floki reported as soon as he sat with them around the fire. "In one week's time, he will meet Ragnar in single combat."
Lilith looked at Gyda, and they both looked up at Lagertha. "What does that mean?" Lilith asked even though she could guess based on the way it sounded.
Lagertha sighed not too gently, glancing up at Ragnar and then Floki. She turned to face Lilith and took her hand. "It means that Ragnar and the Earl will fight each other."
"Why? For what reason?"
Lagertha pressed her lips together. "Earl Haraldson has done something dishonorable. He has attacked us and now he has tortured Ragnar's brother Rollo. If we do nothing, if Ragnar does nothing, it means we must live in hiding for the rest of our days. And we have done nothing wrong. So we must try to make this right. Ragnar must do this for his brother, and he must do this for us, for our survival. And if he succeeds, then we will be safe."
Lilith looked over at Ragnar as he sat over the makeshift bed he'd been occupying since arriving here. He tried to smile, but it barely reached his eyes before he frowned and looked away. Lilith glanced at Athelstan as he helped Helga with supper, noticing that while he was listening, he was trying not to react to what Lagertha said or its implications. Finally, she looked up at Lagertha. "What happens if he doesn't?" she asked.
This seemed to be the question none of them had the answer to, and for several minutes, no one spoke. Then Floki sat up and reached for her.
"Come, Little One," he beckoned. "Let me tell you something important about Ragnar Lothbrok."
She went to him easily, sitting beside him as he took her under his arm and spoke as seriously as he always had.
"I have told you of Odin, the Allfather," he began, and she nodded. "And I have told you how the gods always know our destiny and how our lives will end one day." He paused, waiting for her to nod before he continued. "We all must give our thanks to the gods for our lives and this world, and some of us even have the gods to thank for our fighting and our cunning. And Ragnar is one such man. You see, Ragnar is a descendant of Odin, and he is bound for greatness. Just as I am a descendant of Loki, and I am bound for renown myself. The gods have given us all life, and it is our destiny to live up to their greatness."
Lilith met Ragnar's eyes with her own for only a few seconds before she looked up at Floki. "But what does that mean now? Does that mean he will live? Does that mean he will succeed?"
The grin on Floki's face wasn't a confident one, even though he grinned all the same. "Oh, dear child, if only that were true. If it is Ragnar's fate to die, then he will die. If it is his fate to live, then he will live. We can never know the workings of the gods. They live and breathe and die through us, and as long as we respect that, we will meet our fates with our heads high. And don't you worry about anything. You will all have Floki to look after you and keep you safe if anything happens to Ragnar. I swear that upon all the gods."
It took her a minute to understand. It wasn't exactly like what Athelstan always told her when they prayed, but it was the same in that whatever happened was in someone else's hands. This was a familiar feeling for Lilith, especially since she had never really been in control of anything in her life. She knew that Floki meant for this to comfort her, and she knew he meant well. But how could it?
So much of everything that had happened the last few months had been left to chance, and here was one more thing. And no one else seemed to be out of sorts about it. Well, except for Athelstan. But even Gyda looked like she had accepted the uncertainty of what was about to happen. It made Lilith a little angry, but she had to work harder than she ever had to not show it. So she looked up at Floki and gave him a little smile.
"Then I will trust that the gods know what is best," she said, much to his surprise.
He gazed at her for several seconds, it seemed, to ensure that she was being sincere. Then he glanced over at Athelstan, who was now watching them with a furrowed brow. No one said anything for another minute, and then Floki looked at her.
"And now I am certain the gods walk with you, Little One," he declared.
He squeezed her shoulder and giggled in his high-pitched way, which allowed her to respond with a laugh of her own.
With that, the tension of the room lifted, and Lagertha beckoned Gyda and Lilith to sit with her so they could continue working on the new jerkin for Ragnar to wear.
"Perhaps when this is all over," Lagertha said as she stitched and watched Gyda and Lilith sort through the silver rings Helga had brought them, "we will all be able to use a proper loom, and Lilith, I will finally be able to show you how to weave. And then you can make your own blue dress to replace the one you lost. Until then, we will do our best to help Ragnar in his endeavors. Hmm?"
Lilith looked Gyda, and together, they smiled before going on in their sorting.
The week they waited for their world to change again passed quickly. Every day for a week, Ragnar got out of bed and walked around the hut, sometimes limping and sometimes staggering. He didn't want anyone to help him, even if he appreciated it whenever Lagertha made him sit down so he wouldn't use up too much of his energy. For a week, Lilith and Gyda helped make Ragnar's new jerkin, and after a few days, Lilith realized what it was. They were making him armor for him chest and his back.
Athelstan didn't talk much after Floki came back from Kattegat, not even to Lilith, and a few times, she saw him praying to himself before they went to bed. Since she knew there wasn't much she could do in the way of making him stop worrying, she didn't say anything to him about it. Whatever happened, she would stay with Athelstan. It didn't matter what Floki or Lagertha said. She and Athelstan had been through too much for her to choose anyone over him now.
The morning they were meant to go to Kattegat came more quickly than anyone was expecting it to, and Floki left early to get their boat ready to leave and Athelstan went with him. No one was able to eat breakfast, even though Helga tried to nudge a bowl in front of Lagertha. She was still finishing Ragnar's jerkin, stitching furiously with a scowl on her face even if she tried to smile whenever she looked at her children. By the end of the day, they would know one way or another how their lives were about to change, and if that wasn't enough, even Ragnar looked a little worried, though he was better at hiding than Lagertha was.
When Floki and Athelstan came back, they all knew it was time to leave, and Lagertha sent Bjorn with Gyda and Lilith to the boat.
"I must help your father, and then we will be along," she told them. "Go on."
Leaving with Athelstan as Lagertha helped Ragnar stand up was the hardest thing Lilith had done since she was ten and had to watch Athelstan leave on his first mission. Athelstan had come back then. Lilith didn't know if Ragnar would be alive tomorrow.
"Come on, Lili," Athelstan said and held her close to him so they could walk down to the boat together.
Bjorn led the way to the boat as it waited on the beach, glancing back only a couple of times to make sure they were all following him. Floki had an impish grin upon his face the whole time they walked, and Gyda stayed close to Lilith and Athelstan even if she didn't say anything.
"Athelstan," Lilith said as they walked, "are you nervous?"
He sighed and squeezed her shoulder. "A little," he admitted. "And I have been praying for Ragnar, as I'm sure you have. Whatever happens today, I want you to know that I will do what I can to keep you safe. I believe in Ragnar, but sometimes, we have no say in these things. We must trust that our faith is enough to carry us through it. Yes?"
It was the most he'd said to her in days, and it made her smile that he was finally talking again. She looked up at him and waited for him to look at her before she nodded. He laughed softly and squeezed her again, bowing his head a little as they made it to the beach and then the boat.
"I hope you're ready for this, Priest," Floki taunted. "Today, the gods bid for blood to be spilt. And by all the gods, we must oblige them."
Athelstan didn't respond, helping Lilith and Gyda into the boat with Bjorn who was already sitting on the middle seat.
Floki waited on the sand for Lagertha and Ragnar, and the latter of the two pushed her away just before he got to the boat, obviously wanting to do so on his own two feet. Lagertha's scowl returned as she followed her husband and tried to help him climb into the boat, but he waved her off and sat down with his own strength, huffing as he did and groaning the minute he sat down.
No one spoke as Floki pushed the boat into the water and jumped in, sitting with Bjorn on the middle seat and taking the oar beside him so they could push out into the water. Lilith sat beside Gyda, watching Ragnar and then looking up at Athelstan as he also watched Ragnar intently. That worried her. It worried her very much.
Kattegat looked exactly the way it had the last time Lilith had seen it. Lilith wasn't sure why she had expected it to be different, but it wasn't. And it didn't look welcoming at all. Floki and Bjorn got the boat to the dock there, and Athelstan tied the rope to a post before he climbed out and turned to help Lilith and then Gyda.
"Come with me, Priest," Floki bid.
Athelstan hesitated, glancing at Lagertha and Ragnar before he did as Floki said, absently kissing Lilith's forehead and then following Floki to where people were already waiting for the impending fight.
Lilith watched him until Lagertha called to her and then Gyda and Bjorn so they could all help Ragnar out of the boat. He did his best not to stumble, gripping Bjorn's shoulder and then using Gyda and Lilith to support himself as he stood up. He tested his legs even with the pain, again grinning a little and then starting off on his own.
Lagertha followed him closely, nodding for Gyda and Lilith to follow her. Bjorn was already on her other side.
The beach was already crowded, and Ragnar slowed down to diminish the limp in his leg. Floki and Athelstan emerged from the crowd to face Ragnar, and he greeted them both.
"Try not to look so worried," he said to Athelstan, claiming his shoulder as Floki lay his hand over Ragnar's.
Athelstan sighed audibly, sparing a look in Lagertha's direction before he glanced at Lilith and bowed his head slightly.
As Ragnar stepped onto the beach, Lagertha gathered them up in her arms, standing off to the side and holding them all as close to her as she ever had. Lilith lifted her hand to Lagertha's and took Gyda's in her other, taking a deep breath and hoping that her praying hadn't all been for nothing.
Lilith knew nothing of fighting or hand-to-hand combat. None of the books Athelstan had ever shown her gave any details as to what that involved. When Earl Haraldson arrived, even he looked the same as she remembered. Well, now, he looked much angrier than he had before. Were it not for the short, pudgy man speaking as soon as the two men were ready, she would not have understood what was about to happen.
"This is a personal combat," he called over the crowd. "The combatants can choose any weapon and shield they desire. Each man has two shields. If both are broken, there can be no further replacements."
The first thing Ragnar did was throw away his first shield, and Lilith was confused until Haraldson did the same thing. Even in this, it was a competition. The grin on Ragnar's face was unmistakable as he gripped the sword in his hand and took the first swing.
From there, it was a flurry of swords, shields and erratic movements. First Ragnar used his shield to throw Haraldson off balance. Then Haraldson lunged his sword to hit Ragnar in his gut, but he missed. Ragnar's shield broke first, and Lilith felt Lagertha take in a sharp breath. Haraldson's shield broke then as well, and with one swing, he cut Ragnar's sword in half.
Lilith thought that was the end of it, but Ragnar stumbled up to Haraldson, almost taunting him. Haraldson didn't take the bait, stepping back and taking an ax from a man beside him. Ragnar took an ax as well, now holding his leg that had still been healing and limping more pronounced as he circled around his opponent. Again, he took the first swing, meeting Haraldson and catching the man's ax with his own. They pushed away from each other, both stumbling in the sand even as Haraldson's ax sliced through Ragnar's other shoulder.
Lagertha held Lilith and Gyda closer to her, exhaling again and kissing their foreheads gently. Ragnar glanced over at them as he circled Haraldson still, managing to block the older man's next lunge and grab his ax as the other threatened to slam into his. For a second that felt like an eternity, Ragnar and Haraldson didn't move, staring each other down before Ragnar used the butt of his ax to push Haraldson away from him. He stumbled, looking confused as he turned back to Ragnar and lifted his ax again. Ragnar had already gained the advantage, using the butt of his ax again to throw Haraldson off balance and twisting around to slice the blade of his ax through the older man's lower spine.
Lilith gasped suddenly, turning her face into Lagertha's chest even though the image would never leave her. Now she would see it every time she closed her eyes. Now she would always see the blood and hear the sound of a man dying. It was different than it had been at the monastery. Ragnar hadn't been responsible for that. She was sure of it. But this. He was responsible for this. She didn't blame him for it, but she knew she would never forget it.
Ragnar knelt beside Haraldson then, whispering to him and almost seeming to comfort him as he died. Just before he died, Haraldson's wife Siggy ran from where she had been standing, pushing Ragnar out of the way and grabbing her husband's arm. Lilith strained to see what was happening before the short, pudgy man shouted for the first time since the fighting began.
"Kill him," he ordered calmly at first, and when no one reacted, he yelled, "Kill him!"
Lilith didn't know who he meant until Ragnar's brother Rollo grabbed an ax and, without any hesitation, buried the ax in the pudgy man's chest. The short man looked confused, the same way Haraldson had before he died, and he tried to say something before simply falling the ground and dying.
Siggy looked around, stood up, and rushed back to where she had been standing with who Lilith presumed was her daughter. The young woman gave her a small knife, which she then plunged into the fat, ugly man sitting next to the young woman. He cried out, a strangled, disgusting sound, and Siggy threw the knife away.
Lagertha squeezed Gyda and Lilith, nudging them further back while she stepped forward to be closer to Ragnar. Lilith held Gyda's hand, looking back at Athelstan as he still stood next to Floki. He looked disappointed and astonished at the same time, huffing even as he nodded for her to stay where she was.
When Lilith looked at Ragnar and Lagertha, Siggy was close enough now that everyone could see her, and she said something so softly that nearly no one heard her. Then she huffed and spoke louder, as clearly as anyone could.
"HAIL, EARL RAGNAR!"
She dropped to her knee, and quickly, everyone else did as well, shouting her proclamation until it was the only thing that could be heard. Lilith looked at Gyda, thinking they should do the same, but her sister shook her head, keeping her on her feet.
Lilith looked at Bjorn, and he looked at the two of them, exhaling heavily.
"It is finished," he said simply.
The same men who had come to the beach with Haraldson were the same ones to carry his body away, and the women slaves who had come and stood on Haraldson's side all left with him. As soon as they were all gone, Lagertha moved to Ragnar's side, holding him up against her and glancing back at Lilith and Gyda, nodding for them to follow her. Athelstan and Floki joined them as they stepped onto the docks, and the people in front of them led them away from the beach.
"Where are they taking his body?" Lilith asked as she walked between Gyda and Athelstan.
"Because he is an important man," Gyda said, "they must prepare for his funeral. It will take several days, and when it is ready, they will bring him out."
"Out of where, Gyda?" Athelstan asked.
She looked up at him. "The ground. Mother will explain."
The people leading them all away from the beach took them to what looked like the farmhouse but bigger, and inside the house, other women slaves waited with clothes. Lagertha smiled down at Gyda and Lilith and took them under her arm.
"It is all right, my children," she assured them. "While we are changing, I will explain what is happening. Athelstan," she said and turned to him, "you will go with Bjorn and Ragnar, and we will wait until it is time."
For half a minute, he was confused, but then he looked at Lilith and Gyda and understood. He bowed his head then and followed Ragnar and Bjorn as three of the women guided them away.
"My Lady," the eldest woman said. She had dark hair and blue eyes and a kind smile as she addressed Lagertha and Lilith and Gyda. "If you will follow us, we are here to serve you and your daughters."
Lagertha bowed her head politely. "Thank you, and please, call me Lagertha for now."
The woman blushed slightly, glancing behind her and then gesturing so Lagertha would go ahead of her. "I am Ingrid," she announced to them. "I will be attending to you, if it pleases you."
They all left the front room where the hearth already burned brightly, stepping inside a new partition that was even warmer and lined along the top of the walls with windows that let in an abundance of natural light.
In this room, Lagertha gestured for Lilith and Gyda to remove the clothes they were wearing, and she did the same. In place of those, the female slaves presented them all with new clothes. Lilith was a little uneasy being in only her slip dress around these strange women, especially with her scars, but Gyda looked comfortable enough, and so did Lagertha. Was this what Athelstan and Bjorn were going through with Ragnar?
In the end, Ingrid helped Lagertha into a new red dress that looked brand new, discarding the old dress and providing new shoes for Lagertha to wear. A second woman was a little younger, had red hair and green eyes and helped Gyda into a red dress as well. The third slave who helped Lilith out of her green dress and shoes, was a girl barely older then her. Her blond hair was braided away from her face, and her blue eyes were almost the same color as Athelstan's. She uneasily presented Lilith with a royal blue dress instead of a red one, noticing her scars as she helped tie it together and then draping a green cloak over her shoulders.
"Thank you," Lilith said to her, and her eyes widened so much they almost popped out of her head.
"Come, girls," Ingrid said, and the other two followed her away from the space.
Lagertha sighed softly and reached for Gyda and Lilith, sitting them down so she could talk to them.
"Listen to me, my daughters," she said. "I know you are both confused, and I want you to understand. Now that Ragnar has succeeded in his challenge against Earl Haraldson, everything has changed. In ten days, we will have a great funeral Haraldson, and in that time, I will need both of you to stay as close to me as possible. Lilith, my dear child, I know you are still so new to this place, and my first wish is for you to be protected. So I must ask, have you ever seen funeral rites?"
Lilith glanced at Gyda before she spoke. "No," she said to Lagertha. "Athelstan never wanted me to see them. He was afraid I wouldn't understand."
Lagertha held her closer and then reached for Gyda to do the same. "You were so young then," she lamented. "And I wish for you to remain so for as long as possible. So I do not want either of you to leave the long house once it has begun until it is time for the pyre to be lit. I know you won't be innocent forever, but I want you to hang onto it as tightly as you can. Do you understand?"
Lilith nodded, and then Gyda did. Lagertha squeezed them gently and kissed their foreheads.
It was quiet as they sat there waiting, and after a minute, Lilith looked up at Lagertha.
"May I ask something?"
Lagertha looked at her, smiling only a little when she saw the expression on Lilith's face. "You may ask me anything," she told Lilith.
Slowly, the question formed in her head before she spoke it. "Why do they put Earl Haraldson's body in the ground, and then bring it out again?"
"Well," Lagertha said and pushed out a soft breath, "his servants will make new clothes for him to be buried in. A feast must be planned. Arrangements must be made. Those things take time. And while they are done, his body must be preserved. This is the best way to do it. And he was a very important man, so there will be a larger funeral for him than any man."
"And you burn him?" Lilith asked, adding, "on a pyre."
Lagertha nodded. "That is right. It is a high honor."
Lilith thought of the times when older monks would die at the monastery, and it had never been such a grand affair. It was curious that everyone here seemed intent on celebrating death as much as they celebrated life. Suddenly, she was thinking about Brother Cenwar and Father Cuthbert and Brother Cenwulf. Their lives had not been celebrated, and neither had their deaths. It felt wrong.
"Lilith," Lagertha said, and she looked up. "Are you all right?"
"What happens after?" she asked instead of answering.
Lagertha's brow furrowed. "After what?"
"The funeral. What happens after? What happens to us?"
Lagertha sighed again. "After the funeral, life will go on. Winter is close, so we will begin storing grain and sheering the sheep for wool. You and Gyda will have new responsibilities, and so will Athelstan. Ragnar has beaten Earl Haraldson in single combat. So now, as is tradition, if he is accepted by the townspeople, he will become Earl. And when we encounter new experiences, we will do it together. As a family."
Lilith looked at Gyda, seeing the small smile on her face and smiling herself. "Ragnar is the Earl now?" she asked.
Lagertha nodded as she smiled, and even though a new kind of worry crossed her face, there was more relief than anything else.
When it was time, Ingrid came back alone and beckoned them to follow her again from the small space where they had changed. When they stepped back out into the main area, Bjorn and Athelstan were already waiting with Ragnar and the three other women. Bjorn was wearing a bright red tunic and a new belt, along with dark green pants and a bright green cloak. Athelstan wore a simple brown leather tunic over his shirt he'd been wearing. Either the women knew he was a slave or he had insisted on keeping the clothes he wore. Ragnar leaned on a heavy walking stick, his face cleaned and a new heavy black tunic over his torso with a raven over the left shoulder. He looked like he was barely holding it together.
How had they made these clothes so quickly? Surely, Earl Haraldson had not bid them to do so in the event that he lost the challenge with Ragnar. That made no sense. And yet, these clothes all looked brand new, as if they had just come off the loom, in anticipation of their new occupants.
"Everyone has gathered in the Great Hall," Ingrid said. "When they are ready, I will return. Wait here."
Lagertha sat next to Ragnar, looking up at him as he struggled to remain on both his feet. Bjorn sat down as well, watching the doors that remained open, and Gyda sat on her mother's other side. Lilith moved around the hearth to where Athelstan stood by himself, putting her arm around him and looking up at him as he looked down at her.
"Why have you not changed?" she asked him.
He sighed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Because I am only a slave, Lili. I do not need new clothes."
She frowned, about to say something when Ragnar spoke instead.
"For now," he remarked, and they both looked at him.
Lilith immediately remembered the talk she'd had with Ragnar after Leif's father had been killed, about how long Athelstan had to be slave. Ragnar had said it was not up to him, but Earl Haraldson. Earl Haraldson was dead. That meant he couldn't make Athelstan free. It took her a minute to realize that Ragnar now had that ability, because now, Ragnar was the Earl.
He could make Athelstan a free man.
Before Lilith could ask Ragnar what it looked like he knew she wanted to, Ingrid came back, bidding them all to follow her to the Great Hall that was just across the way from the long house.
Everyone in town had gathered in the Great Hall, all clamoring to see Ragnar and call him their Earl. Everyone cheered when he sat in the Earl's seat after hesitating just long enough for them to give their shouts and pleas for him to do so. Leif came forward first, smiling in Lilith's direction before he knelt in front of Ragnar and held out his arm that held his arm ring.
"Lord Ragnar," he affirmed, "I come to swear to you my allegiance and fealty to you and your family from this day."
Ragnar leaned forward, gripping his walking stick. "Leif, you are my friend," he declared. "And you, Torstein, and you, One-Eye. You are my friends."
Leif bowed his head and stood up, joining Torstein and Arne as they also bowed their heads.
The next man who stepped forward was a much older man, but he was a warrior like Ragnar and carried a sword and an ax on each hip. His name was Tostig, and he easily swore allegiance and fealty to Ragnar the same way Leif had. He also asked Ragnar to take him raiding the next time they left. This gave Ragnar pause, but after the strong man gave him several good reasons to allow this, Ragnar stood up to address the entire room of people.
"This summer," he said, "we shall have more ships to go west. For that is our future. When we return to England, let's take him with us. All in favor?"
Less than a second passed before everyone in the Hall sang out in one voice.
"AYE!"
That wasn't the end of it though. Rollo stepped forward to Ragnar, and there was a tense moment before Ragnar spoke.
"There is no need for you to swear," he told Rollo, lifting his finger to his brother's face where a new, ugly scar marred both his cheeks from one side of his face to the other. "You've already paid a heavy price for your loyalty to me."
Rollo swatted his hand away. "Nevertheless, I will swear, brother. I swear to be true to you, your wife and your family. I wish you good fortune always."
Ragnar pulled him closer, and it looked like whatever had happened to cause Rollo's injuries was forgiven. But when Ragnar backed away from Rollo and sat down, the grim expression on his face said otherwise. Lilith looked across the room at Athelstan as he stood there observing, and his eye found hers before he sighed and grinned somewhat sadly.
For ten days, it seemed like everyone in town became increasingly drunk and disorderly. Well, except for Ragnar, but that was mostly because he was still healing from now two arduous ordeals that involved him getting hit with an arrow and nearly impaled with a sword and losing enough blood to render him unconscious. Bjorn wanted to see everything in town, and Lagertha bid Athelstan to stay with him. Weavers worked tirelessly on new clothes for Haraldson, and apart from him, it seemed like the rest of his slaves were intent on serving Ragnar and Lagertha.
Lilith was so curious about the funeral and exactly what it involved. She'd never even seen dead bodies until that day Ragnar had come to the monastery, and even though she'd now seen her fair share of blood, it was different to see someone else's when they were hurt. She wanted to ask as many questions as she could, but Lagertha was vague after the first few answers she had given, and it seemed like she had spoken to Athelstan about how much information she gave about the whole ordeal.
Because he stayed with Bjorn during the day, Athelstan was somewhere between being drunk and sick to his stomach whenever they came back. And getting answers from him was even more impossible then.
"I know you're curious, Lili," he said, his tongue slurring around her name as he sat by the hearth with his head in his hands. "And I know you're getting older, so you need to know certain things. But perhaps I am not ready for you to know them. And Lagertha agrees, thankfully."
"But I have seen so much since we came here," she argued. "When can I decide what I'm ready for? How old do I have to be for it to be okay?"
He squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his jaw like he was about to vomit. "I don't have the answer to that," he admitted. "And I know that's not an answer. I'm sorry. But these things are too much for me, and if they're too much for me, then I know they will be too much for you. What Father Cuthbert did won't prepare you for things like this, no more than it has prepared me."
Lilith huffed, watching him sit up and take a deep breath before he turned to her and took her shoulders in his hands.
"Listen to me, Lili, please. I never wanted you to see the monks at the monastery be buried for a reason. You are so bright, and you have such a big imagination. It was bad enough that I couldn't protect you from Father Cuthbert or Brother Cenwar. And it should have never come to what it did. I am only doing what I've been doing for Lagertha, to stay with Bjorn, but if I can protect you from things like this for a little while longer, then I need to try. Please."
She stared at him the entire time he spoke, watching his face and seeing how flushed he was.
"Are you going to be sick?" she pleaded.
He shook his head minimally, swallowing again and breathing in again. "No."
She didn't need him to say anything else, standing up and grabbing his hand so she could pull him to the doors of the long house. Less than a second later, he upended the contents of his stomach onto the ground, most of which turned out to be ale that he'd consumed the last several days.
"When was the last time you ate?" she demanded as he heaved again and almost fell to his knees.
"I don't — I don't remember," he gasped, wiping his mouth and taking another deep breath.
"Not today?"
He shook his head, gasping again and covering his mouth.
"Gyda and I have already eaten with Lagertha, but I can probably find you something. Come on," she beckoned and took his other hand to pull him back inside.
He offered no resistance as she almost dragged him to where the servants were still cooking food for the feast they would be having soon. An older woman whom she had spoken to at supper noticed her there with Athelstan swaying behind her, and they communicated silently. In just a few minutes, the woman produced a bowl of broth and bread, shooing them away so no one else saw them.
Lilith found a dark corner of the long house, sitting Athelstan down and then taking her place beside him as she nudged the bowl in front of him.
"Eat," she commanded. "Bjorn should know better than to get you this drunk. I know he already had his supper."
For several minutes, he didn't eat, and it seemed like the aroma of the soup made him even sicker than he'd been before. Then after a few deep breaths, he lifted the bread and dipped it into the soup, taking a small bite. One bite and then another and another, and soon, the bowl was empty.
"Sip this," Lilith said and put a small cup in front of him. "No more big gulps for you."
He side-eyed her as he sipped the weak ale she had given him, swallowing the last bit of food and then pushing the bowl away. A deep breath filled his lungs and came out as a strained groan before he looked at her.
"You're not supposed to be taking care of me, Lili," he complained. "I am the one meant to care for you."
She only sighed as she watched him. "And when you need to be taken care of?" she countered. "Who is the one to do that? Because other than me and Lagertha, no one seems to care for you at all. Even Ragnar lets you go about and do whatever. Am I not allowed to want to take care of you, since you have spent so much time taking care of me?"
He shook his head. "That's not what I meant," he insisted. "I meant that I am the adult. You are the child. It is my responsibility to care for you. If I can't do that, then what good am I?"
Lilith couldn't understand why he was so angry all of a sudden. She scooted closer to him and grabbed his arm so he would look at her. "You have been taking care of me all my life, Athelstan. And you are the only one I want taking care of me. I do not care that you are a slave. And it might not be that way much longer if Ragnar has anything to say about it. You were my first friend. My first teacher. My first protector. And I am here now because of you. I will always need you. And like I said, no more big gulps for you."
He laughed unexpectedly, laying his hand over hers and then taking her under his arm again. "I don't deserve you," he whispered softly. "As a friend or as a companion. I feel like I have failed you too many times, and here you are, taking care of me. I keep saying this, and hopefully one day soon, I will be able to keep my promises to you, but — I will do better."
"I know you will," she said and nodded. "You always do."
One last sigh passed his lips before he kissed the top of her head, and Lilith scooted back to help him to his feet. He was still dizzy, and he had to hold onto her tighter than he usually did as she began walking away from the main room of the long house.
"Come on," she said. "You must sleep."
Instead of taking him to a cot close to the kitchen, Lilith laid him in her bed even while he protested. Then she slipped into Gyda's bed as her sister slept. Soon, he was snoring, and Lilith smiled to herself before she relaxed to go to sleep.
She thought about what Ragnar and she had talked about, about Athelstan no longer being a slave, and she hoped one day soon that Ragnar would at least consider making Athelstan a free man. She didn't care how unlikely it was so soon after being made a slave. She still hoped.
I'm going to go ahead again and ask forgiveness for not showing the whole speech with Tostig, because it was a good speech.
And let me just say that funeral rites of other cultures sometimes fascinate and disturb me, because reading up on this particular one was by far the strangest I have ever read about. I guess it wasn't enough to simply bury their dead. The Vikings/Norse had to dial it up to eleven.
Next chapter should be up in a week, and those changes I talked about before are on their way. I'm also moving a few characters around in the story. You'll see what I mean.
Until next time!
