Beta'd by frozenCinders.
"Hey, little Deidara," Hidan says.
Deidara ignores him. Tobi crosses his arms but the beta is doing amazingly well at ignoring the presence of an alpha.
"Hey, it's not good to ignore your elder," Hidan says. He grabs one of his spikes and turns it around, poking the blunt end at Deidara's shoulder.
Obito reaches out and yanks the stick out of Hidan's grip. Hidan lets out a surprised noise and then he grumbles, turning his attention to Tobi instead.
"What the fuck do you want, masked-fuck?" Hidan says and then he stops himself, tilting his head. "Oh," he says and then he bursts out laughing. "Are you fucking three-mouths?"
Obito snaps Hidan's stick in half and tosses it back to him. Hidan is undeterred.
"A pussy alpha and a, uh," Hidan stops speaking and then he looks at Deidara with a confused expression. "What are you, anyway? I can never tell," says Hidan.
"Knock it off, Hidan," Kakuzu says.
"Shut up, old man," Hidan says. He puts his hand on his chin and then he makes a face that reminds Tobi of someone constipated.
"Really, I can't tell," says Hidan. "You just smell like," he says and points to Tobi, "him."
Deidara is surprised to hear this. Tobi sighs and covers his masked face in his gloved hands.
Hidan lets out a surprised noise again and he falls forward on his face, insults muffled by a mouthful of dirt. Kakuzu digs his hand harder into the back of Hidan's skull and retracts it back only when Hidan says something similar to, "Okay, okay, I'm fucking sorry. I'll knock it off."
Deidara is looking at Tobi. Tobi pretends that he doesn't see or feel it.
"Mr. Hidan," Tobi says innocently.
"What the fuck do you want?" Hidan shouts as he rolls over onto his back. He is panting.
"Why do you smell like Mr. Kakuzu?"
"The same reason why mouths-for-hands smells like you!" Hidan shouts at the same time Kakuzu says, "He does not smell like me."
Hidan stops talking when he realizes what Tobi just said. "Wait, you fuck," Hidan shouts. "I do not smell like that fucking old fart."
"Mhmm," Tobi nods, crossing his arms.
Hidan struggles to turn back onto his hands and knees, tripping over himself in a fit. "I'll have you know that I have standards!" Hidan screams. "I will never fuck a person who goes to public toilets for longer than twenty minutes!"
Hidan gets another face full of dirt again. "Shut the fuck up, Hidan," Kakuzu says, "or I will kill you."
"I'd like to see you try, fuck-face!" Hidan shouts into the earth.
"Senpai," Tobi says to Deidara.
Deidara is still looking at him. Tobi breathes deeply and he catches Deidara's scent. He swallows and is glad that his cloak is baggy. "We'll just look for the Three-Tails elsewhere," he says to Deidara. "We'll leave Mr. Kakuzu and Mr. Hidan to their thing."
He turns to leave and Deidara follows him.
They stop once they can no longer smell, hear, or see the Zombie Duo. Tobi lets out a relieved sigh and leans against a tree.
"That was a tough one," says Tobi. He does not manage to alleviate the tension in the air. Obito thinks he might die because he suddenly finds Deidara extremely attractive like this.
"Are we going to do anything about this, yeah?"
"Do what?" Tobi asks.
"I don't know, hm," Deidara admits. "Something, at least," he says. "I smell like you."
"Is that really a bad thing?" Tobi asks.
Deidara doesn't say anything.
"I don't think it's a bad thing," Tobi says.
"Not to you, it's not," Deidara mumbles. He sighs and then he runs a hand through his hair. "I'm supposed to be your mate, hm."
"Okay," Tobi says slowly. "I don't know if this is supposed to be a jab toward me."
"It's not," Deidara says. "You know what omegas are supposed to do when they mate with an alpha, hm," he says.
Tobi stutters. Obito doesn't know. He has never seen an alpha and omega pair before – omegas are so fiercely protected that he rarely gets to even see an omega alone.
"Omegas lose the right to do almost anything," Deidara says slowly as if he is talking to a child. "They are under their mates, figuratively and literally, hm."
Obito lets out a sound of confusion. That doesn't sound right. Other mated pairs are loving and caring and do almost everything together. If he ever mated an omega, he would never take away their right to do 'almost anything.'
"Look," says Tobi, "I don't know what you're talking about but my future mate would definitely not have their rights stripped from them."
He leans into the tree's bark heavily and says, "I don't see what's wrong with everyone thinking we're mates. There's no harm in it because you and I both know we're not in cahoots with each other," he says. "Besides," he says, "if every other person thinks you're mated to me then they'll leave you alone. That's why you're taking those suppressants, right? To be left alone?"
Deidara huffs at first and then he seems to come to a realization on his own. He manages to crack an odd smile and says, "You really are an oddball alpha, you know that, Tobi, hm?"
"I am?" Tobi asks. "Is that a good thing now?"
"Well, it's not that bad, hm."
"What's not that bad?"
"It's not that bad being pretend-mated to you."
Deidara grins at Tobi and Obito feels as though his heart skipped a beat. He bites his lower lip and lets out a laugh. Deidara's faded scent just got so much sweeter.
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