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[Chapter 15: Of Eyes and Troubles]
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Madoka fiddled with the fabric of her dress, and looked down as Mami listened with all her attention.
"Well," the pink haired girl started. "It happened today, when we were about to close up shop."
"Homura-chan," the pink haired teen asked, a growing concern in her voice. "We need to talk."
The last customer had already left, and the cafe was empty. It wasn't the usual closing time, so there was quite some time left before sunset.
Madoka's parents had gone to the market, while her brother was out playing with his friends at the nearby park.
It was five in the afternoon, which meant closing time.
"Sure. What do you want to talk about?" Homura asked, untying her apron's back laces.
Madoka didn't respond to that, which made Homura cautious. Did she miss something? Did she do something wrong today? Did she accidentally make a customer mad?
Her brain searched for a postive answer to any of those questions, but it could not find one. Homura could therefore rest easy, knowing that Madoka wasn't going to blame her for anything.
The pink haired girl sat at one of the high stools near the counter, and pulled another stool beside her. Then she turned sideways, faced the empty stool, patted on the seat and looked at Homura.
It took some moments for the timid girl to understand what Madoka meant, but she got it eventually. She nodded and finished folding her apron into a neat bundle, setting it atop the counter before sitting in her spot.
Madoka was facing her and there was barely a foot of distance between her eyes and Homura's. This was slightly uncomfortable for the raven haired girl. She wasn't wearing her glasses, and thus, there was nothing between them except air.
"So," Madoka began. "First, I need to know if you can see well without your glasses. Don't say yes if it is not true. I honestly need to know how your eyesight is."
Madoka was serious. There was a light frown on her face, and it was very subtle.
Also, Homura didn't know why she would be asked such a question. She had no reason to suspect the motive behind this curiosity, however. So she answered with no hesitation.
"I can see perfectly," she said, a calmness in her voice. "They are my reading glasses, and they also help me focus when working with small electronic parts, so I tend to wear them most of the time."
Madoka breathed an audible sigh of relief when she heard this. She had been feeling guilty of not letting Homura wear her spectacles. But now, it seems she was worrying over nothing.
Homura's head tilted slightly in confusion at Madoka, something that made the pink haired girl squee in delight on the inside. The look of confusion was similar to that of a puppy. She really wanted to take a picture of her friend being confused.
But in the midst of fawning over her friend, Madoka noticed something crucial.
"Hey, Homura-chan," Madoka said, her expression blank. "Look at me."
Homura felt even more confused. She was looking at her friend.
"Okay."
"No, I mean," Madoka said, her frown returning. "Look at my eyes."
Homura didn't think twice. She always followed Madoka's instructions blindly in the cafe, so she didn't care to hesitate now.
And thus, Akemi Homura stared into the eyes of the girl in front of her.
And in an instant, all hell broke loose.
"Umm," Madoka frowned again, seeing her friend being visibly pale. "You okay?"
Homura was stunned. Her breathing became slow and uneven, but her gaze didn't waver. She could hear her heartbeat through her ears. It was so loud that it drowned out the voice of her friend.
The poor girl was petrified.
Madoka's light concern grew to visible worry. She didn't know what her friend was going through, but it wasn't anything good. By now, she was trembling. Her back was straight and unmoving. If she hadn't been shaking, she would have resembled a sitting mannequin.
"Homura-chan," Madoka said, her voice now warm, and filled with care. She had to tread lightly. She took her friend's hands and held them carefully in her own. "Its okay. You don't have to be afraid."
The raven haired girl was suddenly somewhat in control of her thoughts. She wasn't petrified any more, and she gained some of her faculties back. But she was still unable to speak. She was still trembling.
At that moment, Madoka knew what was going on. All the signs pointed towards one thing. Her dear friend was having an anxiety attack.
"I wondered how you were suddenly able to talk with all of us and our customers so easily," Madoka said, with a little smile. There was no malice in her words. "You were not looking at their eyes when you talk, right?"
Homura managed to nod, but it came out in jagged movements, legible enough for Madoka to understand.
"What were you looking at then?"
Homura's piercing gaze shifted slightly towards the forehead of the pink haired girl. At this close of a range, Madoka knew where she was looking. This wouldn't have been noticeable at their usual distances.
"Forehead, huh?" Madoka took a deep breath, her smile not falling in the slightest.
Homura was sure that the girl would laugh at her right about now. Because she knew that she was utterly worthless. She couldn't even look people in the eye and tell them something simple.
Not even her dear friend.
So why should she deserve to be Madoka's friend?
Tears began to form in Homura's eyes, and it was ready to fall any moment. She was on the verge of breaking down, trying to endure the cold pit that began to form in her stomach.
But that is when Madoka did what she thought to be the best course of action. With her left hand holding Homura's slender right one, she used the other hand to stroke her head. She slowly, but firmly ran her fingers through the black hair, all the while trying to console the timid girl with little whispers.
"Its going to be fine.
"I'm here with you."
"There's nobody here but us."
"I won't think of you any less if you no matter what."
"Breathe."
Homura softened at every word Madoka uttered, the gentle warmth of her voice calming her down to an extent. She still couldn't say anything in return. The feeling of the girl's hand on her head made her feel at ease.
She knew she was being irrationally anxious. She realized it was illogical of her to feel this way. But why didn't the realization of that fact make the horrible feeling go away?
Soon, Madoka used her hand to lift Homura's, guiding it carefully to her own chest, directly below her collarbones. She pressed Homura's slender, cold hand against her sternum.
"Can you feel that?"
Homura was confused. After a few moments of silence, however, she felt it.
Heartbeats. Fast paced rhythm, beating directly against the skin on her palm.
She wanted to say it, but as she couldn't vocalize her thoughts, she opted for nodding instead. Madoka smiled at her reply and continued.
"Its… fast, right?" She started to explain, closing her eyes. "Do you know why?"
Homura shook her head.
"Well," Madoka said, "Its because I'm scared. I'm scared and worried."
Homura frowned, as if to question the source of her troubles. Madoka giggled, knowing that even in the middle of crisis, her friend was still concerned for her. It made her melt, but she quickly shook it off.
"I'm worried about you, silly," Madoka said, her gaze lowered. "I wanted you to take this time inside the shop and improve your social skills. I was happy that you were able to improve, and I was surprised you were able to do it this fast. But you've been doing it wrong, you see?"
Homura listened closely as her friend continued.
"You have to look people in the eyes. Its not always the easiest thing to do, but if you don't do that, people will have a wrong impression of you. They will think you're being distant with them, even when you aren't."
Homura frowned. She knew she had it under control all this time. She had figured out that looking at people's eyebrows or their forehead made it easier for her to talk properly. She didn't quite know whether or not it was the right approach, but she had decided that it was the one she would go with.
Now, after listening to Madoka, she realized that she had it wrong. There is no way it would have been that easy for such a socially inexperienced person as herself to be able to converse so easily with complete strangers.
"I know how Homura-chan feels. I know she's not a bad person. She is a really good girl... But if you keep doing this, other people may not see you like that."
Homura's frown lightened, but she continued to listen. Madoka clasped Homura's hand a bit more firmly, using both her hands this time, making sure she was still aware of her beating heart.
"Its okay for you to be afraid... Its okay to make mistakes. Its okay to say anything you want to say. Its okay to do anything you want to do," Madoka's gaze pierced into Homura's eyes. "We all make mistakes, and we are all afraid. But you need to overcome that fear and not let it control you... We all have to do that one point in our lives."
Homura did not expect her friend to impart such wisdom. She was honestly surprised.
"So look me in the eyes and stare as long as you need to. I am not going anywhere," she smiled. "Say anything you want to. I'll not think of you any less... All I want, is for you to not be afraid."
Homura swallowed the lump in her throat. She licked her dried-up lips and tried to resume breathing normally. She needed to vocalize, or her friend would worry.
After several failed attempts, she finally opened her mouth.
"A-Alright…" she managed to say. "I will do my best."
Madoka smiled widely at her reply, noticing that she was not as scared as before.
"And I'll support you all the way."
Homura tried to smile in return, but she wasn't able to manage anything more than a half-smile. She wasn't unhappy. She was not euphoric either. But she felt a degree of reliability, and she knew that Madoka was the one who provided that.
The pink haired girl then used a thumb to gently wipe away a teardrop from the edge of Homura's eyes. But something strange happened as she was about to do that.
The shy girl held onto Madoka's wrist, and nested her cheek in her hand. She had her neck crooked, ever so slightly, as her cheek nuzzed against the palm of her friend's hand.
"Your hand is warm," came the meek sound of Homura's voice. Her eyes were aimed at Madoka, but they were oddly glassy and lacked even the slightest amount of fear.
Madoka's stomach fluttered as soon as she became aware of how it all looked. Homura looked quite… vulnerable. And it made her feel a bit strange inside. Her heartbeat sped up, and thankfully, Homura's hand was now not on her chest. Otherwise, she would have felt it beating alarmingly fast.
Even faster than before.
She felt warmth rush to her cheeks and she began to feel her breathing pace change.
Madoka tried to shake her odd feelings away. She was just helping her friend. There was no reason to feel this tensed. Why did she feel this way, she did not know. She was not even aware of exactly what she was feeling.
So she did what she could do, and ignore it as a whole.
"Its going to be late if we stayed like this any longer," Madoka said, trying to lighten the mood. She also smiled, so that Homura may not mistake it for anything but a joke.
The girl in question snapped back to reality after hearing that. She let the hands of her friend go, and wiped away any possible tears that may have pooled in her eyes with her wrists. She shifted her gaze away, trying to hide her embarrassment.
Madoka chuckled slightly at the sight of her friend looking abashed. It was a rare sight seeing Homura being so expressive without her glasses. So Madoka subconsciously tried to burn it to memory.
The two eventually got up from their counterside seats, the dark haired one packing her things while the pink haired one keeping on a composed, wise smile that served to alleviate the awkwardness between them.
Homura had looked at Madoka directly in her eyes, and bid farewell before she left. Madoka smiled and said goodbye.
As soon as she saw the dark-haired girl exit the cafe and walk off, she wasted no time. Her demeanor changed completely and she ran up to her room as soon as she physically could. As soon as she was in her room, she shut the door, locked her door and jumped into her bed. Facefirst.
She buried her face into a pillow and screamed at the loudest voice she could muster. She wasn't sure if it was a high pitched shriek, or an actual scream. But she did it for several long seconds before she was out of breath.
She then turned around and faced the ceiling, hugging a pillow very close to her. She was panting, her face was flushed.
And she had no idea what made her vent out in such a weird fashion. She tried to figure it out, but later chalked it out to be a fluke.
Yes, of course. It had to be a fluke. Maybe she had a lot of soy recently and that made her hormones act up?
Little Madoka had no idea how wrong she was. She couldn't fathom how the day went. So she merely ignored what she felt.
After several long minutes of looking blankly at the ceiling and doing absolutely nothing, Madoka sighed and got up from her bed. She walked her way into the kitchen to make some snacks for her family when they return.
"Wow," the blonde said, her eyes wide in surprise. Her lips curled up into a coy smile in moments. "Somebody is quite the bold one."
Madoka grunted to herself in embarassment, and sighed.
"I don't know why this even bothers me now," she said, her eyes clearly in a frown. "I mean, I would've done the same for any of my friends. But why is this feel so weird?"
"I can assume the reason," Mami said, her eyes now focused on the crowd. "But I think you are just as aware of the reason as I am."
Mami didn't need to look at Madoka to know that she was blushing from ear to ear.
"...Yeah," the pink haired girl said as she buried her face in her hands for the umpteenth time that night. "I kind of pieced it together a while ago. But I was hoping I wasn't right."
"Why?"
"Because she might not feel the same way," Madoka replied, not hesitating in the slightest. "And because it would be a mistake. What if she doesn't want to talk to me anymore if she knows?"
Mami could feel the aura of fear her friend was radiating. It was not a healthy train of thought.
"I suppose that is a possibility," Mami said. Madoka was a bit surprised. She expected some form of resistance. Not that she minded, but she didn't expect the supportive Mami to say that of all things. "I trust your judgement, Kaname-san."
"...Okay."
"However, I don't approve of bottling yourself up," Mami said sternly. "It will not end well if you do so. I suggest taking some time to process how you will be interacting with her from now on. If it becomes too much to bear, you have Miki-san, Sakura-san and me. We will offer you our shoulders."
"Alright," Madoka said, her mind somewhat stable after opening up to Mami. "I might do just that."
Mami took a moment to glance at her friend. She was deep in thought. The blonde decided to give her some space to process all her thoughts. After a casual excuse, she stood up from her seat and started to walk towards the other side of the room. Before she could do that, however, the pink haired girl called her out, making her look back.
"Thank you."
Mami smiled, nodded and continued walking towards her other friends.
Her eyes scanned the lobby for a pair of red and blue. And soon, she found it.
-(End of Chapter 15)-
Okay, yes. I did say next chapter, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted this chapter to carry some weight, and the focus to be only on one pairing.
It doesn't sound believable in theory, but believe me. I tried.
But yes, next chapter for certain. I promise.
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Take Care
DSH99
