Chapter 21

Hermione was already in the library when he got there that evening. She was sitting at their usual table, surrounded by textbooks, and Draco felt a wave of satisfaction upon seeing her.

"Hey." He said, swinging his bag onto the table to unpack his books.

"Hi." She said with a smile looking up from her paper, which he could tell was not schoolwork.

He took his time arranging his work and sitting down, not wanting to give away how eager he was to discuss the events of the day with her.

"What are you working on?" he finally asked her, watching her scribbling away furiously.

"I'm doing a first draft of my personal statement for my application to the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I'm trying to show that the Being Division is an area of special interest for me, but not trying to sound arrogant, like I think I know best." She shook her head ruefully at her predicament, her fluffy ponytail bobbing with the motion.

"But you do know best…" said Draco wryly, laughing when she slapped lightly at his arm in mock outrage.

"Are you finishing the Arithmancy homework?" she asked him, looking at the numerical chart he had in front of him.

"Yep. I'm just going to leave my applications for the moment, let myself think about it for a while. I need to make sure that I get the best grades I can first…" Draco was actually telling the truth, but it was very convenient that it fit in with his game plan for trying to get Hermione back.

"That makes sense." She concurred. "I just want to get a head start…" she looked a little sheepish, like she expected him to mock her for her overachieving ways.

"I'm betting that you have finished all your homework already anyway," he said, "which I have yet to do." He wanted to put the smile back on her face; she never needed to worry about being an overachiever in front of him!

"Yes. I have." She said, frowning down at her application again. She quickly crossed out a sentence with a huff of annoyance.

Smiling, Draco looked down to his Arithmancy chart and got to work. About 20 minutes later he was finished and set down his quill with satisfaction. He looked up to find Hermione looking at him, her own quill also resting on the table.

"You said before about learning how to cast a patronus. Do you still want to?" she asked him, out of the blue.

"Yes." He said, surprised that she was bringing this up now. "And if I recall, you wanted Occlumency training in return."

"Do you want to find a classroom and give it a go? We have another hour and a half until curfew."

"Yeah, that'd be good." Draco was very happy to go and find a secluded classroom with Granger, even if it wasn't for the reason he would have preferred.

They packed away their books, Draco feeling quite excited; would he even be able to produce a patronus with the dark mark on him? Or would it not make any difference now that the Dark Lord was gone?

He and Granger made his way to the transfiguration corridor that they had often used to have some privacy together in the past. Once they had established that they were alone and the classroom door was shut, Hermione turned to him.

"So, Harry taught me to produce a patronus the way that Professor Lupin taught him, which was by using the strongest, happiest memory you have. I found that really hard at first, so take a little time to think of what memory you want to try with."

Draco nodded pensively. His strongest happiest memory… Did he have any memories that were not tainted by jealousy, fear or loathing? Certainly not from before Voldemort fell, and after that the only pure memories he had were connected to Hermione.

He felt his cheeks start to heat, which was irrational because she couldn't see his thoughts, but the thought of her knowing that she was his happiest memory was mortifying. He obviously wasn't anything to do with hers as she had been producing a patronus for years.

He combed his memories, trying to think of which one meant the most to him, settling on the time that he had walked into the room of requirement one night and found Hermione there waiting for him, even though they hadn't agreed to meet. That feeling of warmth, of being cared about, that was the memory he would try.

"Got one?" she asked, with her eyebrows raised after he had been silent for a couple of minutes.

"Yes," he said, taking a breath to calm himself. There suddenly felt like it was a lot of pressure to try a spell he had never attempted before.

"Great! So you want to hold the memory in your mind, feel the emotions that come with it, and then Expecto Patronum!" She aimed her wand, and a silver form shot out, twisting and flailing in the air until it landed on the floor, then proceeded to gambol back towards where he and Hermione stood.

It was an otter! Of all the animals that Draco had expected, an otter wasn't one of them. Somehow though, it fit with her, he realised. The intelligent, sharp eyes, the playful nature of an otter and the grace in with it moved could all be facets of Hermione's personality which he had seen displayed on different occasions.

What would his be, if he could produce one that is? Maybe a snake? A ferret? Did he really want Hermione to see what he was truly like by the way of an animal form?

"Ok, you try!" she said, allowing her otter to fade.

Draco shut his eyes for a second to centre himself, picturing how he had felt when he realised Hermione was waiting for him, the excitement pooling in his stomach for the night ahead and the sense of being "cared for" that he had been unfamiliar with for so long.

Holding that memory at the forefront of his mind, he said the incantation "Expectro Patronum!" He felt something rush from him, but wasn't sure if it had worked until he caught sight of a silver shape on the other side of the room.

"You've done it Draco!" cried Hermione in excitement from beside him. Draco glanced at her, breaking his concentration, and the patronus disappeared.

"What animal was it?" she asked him, but he hadn't seen it clearly. It had been quite large, size of a medium dog, but much rangier in build.

"Let me try again so we can see. How do I direct it?" asked Draco, psyching himself up to try again.

"You should feel a connection to it," Hermione told him. "If you think about what you want it to do then it should just do it."

"OK." Draco cast the Patronus again, finding it needed less energy the second time. This time he concentrated on making it come towards them. The creature turned and walked towards them, tail swishing sinuously as it prowled over.

"What is it?" asked Hermione. It was obviously some kind of cat, but not a lion or tiger, it was much more lithe and smaller than that. There was a suggestion of spots on its silver sides, and it had large black-ringed eyes.

"Is it a leopard? A cheetah?" asked Draco, unable to think of any other big cats despite it looking leaner and smaller than a Leopard, and the wrong shaped face for a Cheetah.

"I think it's an Ocelot…" said Hermione, crouching down to look at it. I seemed to regard her with its big unblinking eyes and then sat down like a house cat by Draco's feet.

"It's beautiful!" Hermione told him in wonder. Draco couldn't help but agree. He reached down to touch it and was surprised when his hand went straight through it; it looked so real!

He broke the connection with it on purpose this time, and it disappeared into nothingness. He turned to Hermione elated, he had genuinely been worried that he wouldn't be able to produce a patronus, and if it wasn't for her he didn't think that he would have had any strong enough memories to tap into.

"That was brilliant!" she told him. "You obviously had a strong memory to use. I had to try several different ones before it worked!"

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask what memory she used, but then she would have every right to ask what memory he used, and he wasn't ready to tell her that any time soon.

"Thank you for showing me how to do this." He said, wanting to wrap his arms around her and pull her close.

"That's ok." She said, smiling shyly. "After all, I'm not doing it for free; you need to teach me Occlumency now…"

"Yes, of course." He said, feeling more than a little uneasy at the prospect. "I'm not that great a Legilimens, I don't have the control that someone more experienced would, and I will need to attack you so that you can learn to defend…"

He recalled the hours spent with his Aunt Bellatrix at the Manor, her breaking into his mind over and over again, each time mocking him for what she found there. Could he really do that to Hermione? She was looking at him expectantly, no fear in her gaze, which told him that she had no idea what it was like to have your mind invaded.

"Alright," she said, with a smile, "but you need to tell me what I should do to defend myself before you attack me."

"Yes, of course." He said, realising that he needed try and explain to her how to clear her mind and supress her emotions. He thought that he would keep it simple for the first try, although as she got more experienced then he could show her how to cloak only the memories and emotions that she didn't want the legilimens to know, therefore making her able to give the attacker the impression that she were not defending herself at all.

He explained the basics to her, and they stood opposite one another like they were about to duel. He felt horribly nervous looking at her; what if she couldn't close her mind and he discovered something he didn't want to? What if he hurt her by his ineptitude?

"Ok," she said, her wand clutched tightly in her hand and her face serious, "I'm ready."

"Legilimens," snarled Draco, the very word sounding like the vicious curse that it was. He could immediately see some images from Hermione's day; the career's fair, teachers, himself. The accompanying emotions were there for the taking too; excitement, worry… affection?

He quickly pulled back, realising that she wasn't repelling his intrusion and he was feeling a great temptation to go further into her thoughts.

His focus back in the room, he took in her appearance. No longer composed, her eyes were wide, staring at him in trepidation.

"Hermione, I'm sorry. Are you alright?" he immediately apologised feeling like a hideous person; a death eater once more. Hermione Granger should never have cause to look like she feared him.

"Yes." She bit out, slightly breathless. "I'm fine. I just wasn't prepared for it to feel like that, to feel so powerless in my own mind." She took a few breaths and composed herself. "Let's try again."

Shit. Draco desperately didn't want to do that again. Not just because of the way she looked at him afterwards, but also because of that little part of himself that whispered for him to go deeper, delve further and discover all of her secrets. It was a heady temptation, and one that he could easily give in to.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want to hurt you…" or violate your trust, he thought but didn't voice.

"Yes. I want to learn to defend myself." She looked resolute, standing tall and facing him once again.

"Legilimens." This time she was more prepared, the surface of her mind was less clouded with emotion and the memories a little hazier. He pushed a little harder, focussing on their interaction from earlier. He could see through her thoughts that she had noticed a tiny bit of stubble on his jaw that he had missed shaving, and had wondered what it would feel like to rub her lips over it.

He snatched back from the connection, realising that he was doing it again; looking for her feelings about him, using this opportunity to violate her trust. She needed to tell him her feelings of her own volition, not have him steal them from her.

Once again they were back in the room, both staring at each other wide-eyed this time.

"Hermione, I can't do this." He declared, lowering his wand and turning away.

"What did you see?" she demanded, her voice in too high a pitch to sound normal.

"It's not right," he told her. "I'm not the right person for this, I want to…" he tailed off, unsure of how to explain the temptation to go further without frightening or disgusting her.

"Want to what?" she asked, closing the distance between them. She reached for his arm when he didn't respond, turning him back to face her.

"Fuck, Hermione," he all but moaned in desperation. "I don't want to break into your thoughts! If you wanted me to know them you'd tell me, it feels like I'm…I don't know." He had almost said 'raping' but couldn't bring himself to utter it. It was the closest thing he could think of to describe how it felt to him though.

"Draco, listen to me." She demanded, her hand creeping up to his jaw, finding that little piece of stubble he had seen in her mind so clearly. "I asked you to do this. You haven't hurt me. We don't have to do this anymore if you don't want to, alright?"

He allowed his eyes to close briefly at her touch; drawing comfort for a moment. When he opened them he realised that she had moved closer, her luminous brown eyes looking into his, and he could feel her shallow breaths across his face.

He wasn't sure who moved first, but they were suddenly kissing. There was nothing sweet or teasing about it, just a desperate melding of mouths and sharing of breaths. He could feel her arms go around him, one hand still on his jaw, and his own did the same, pulling her body flush against his.

He had missed this so much, and wanted nothing more than to push her back onto the nearby desks and lose himself inside her, but knew that it wouldn't change anything. He wanted something lasting between them, a promise of a future together. A tryst in the transfiguration classroom wouldn't give him that.

"Granger." He murmured, breaking the kiss. He rested his forehead against hers whilst he tried to calm his rapid breathing, unable to stop himself from leaning down again to nip and tease at her lips once more.

"Draco, I…" she tailed off, leaning into him instead and burying her face into his chest. They stood there, wrapped around each other for a minute before breaking apart from one another.

Standing opposite from each other once more, the two of them looked at one other neither seeming to know what to say.

"I'm sorry…" Hermione started to say the exact same time as Draco also started to apologise.

"Granger, I don't think this is such a good idea. I don't think I'm the right person to help you with this, it feels like too much." Draco couldn't trust himself to repeatedly break into her mind without going too far, and he didn't think he would be able to forgive himself if he violated her trust in such a way.

"I understand," she said. "I can't imagine how it must feel to have someone with evil intent do that to you. It feels very invasive; it's frightening." She looked at him, face softening. "Bellatrix taught you like that?"

"Yep." He said flippantly, not wanting her to feel sorry for him. "Motivated me to learn quickly."

"Oh Draco," she reached for him again, cuddling into him. He wanted to hold her close, or even better take her to the room of requirement to curl up in bed, but he needed to get some distance between them again if he was going to keep focussed on the rapidly approaching NEWT's.

"Let's stop for tonight." He said. "Shall we go back to the library? Or common rooms if you'd rather." He didn't want to sound presumptuous that she would want to spend the rest of her evening with him.

"Shall we just walk for a bit?" she said. "We can discuss some more Occlumency theory."

"Ok." Agreed Draco, falling into step beside her, smiling at how she was like a dog with a bone when she was in pursuit of knowledge!