Chapter 24

Draco felt like he was on auto-pilot for the next couple of days. He attended lessons and studied in the common room, he ate in the great hall and took his dreamless sleep potion religiously every night in order to be well rested so that he get up and repeat the process. For once he was actually grateful of something that he had learnt under Voldemort; the ability to compartmentalise his life and ignore his emotions was proving very useful.

Whenever he felt himself recalling the hurt and the burning sting of humiliation that he had felt when Hermione didn't even pause before dismissing him he quickly shut it down. Locked it away in his mind with all the other things that were too painful or disturbing to examine.

He had taken the cowardly route of avoiding Hermione as much as possible, arriving for lessons at the last minute and making sure that he was one of the first out of the door at the end. He couldn't bear the idea of having to make awkward and embarrassing small talk with her like nothing had happened. It was working well so far, he had caught Hermione looking over at him a couple of times, but she hadn't approached him.

It's for the best, he told himself every time he made sure that there was no opportunity for Hermione to speak to him, even if she had wanted to. He had been a fool, laying out how he felt like that. He should have planned it, shown Granger that he had thought long and hard about it and had some sort of plan for the future. No wonder she had rejected him!

But one thing hadn't changed; NEWT's were coming in a week's time, and he needed to focus. All of the seventh year students were in a serious mood, so his withdrawal into his text books and moody silence was not considered odd behaviour.

It wasn't until the Friday night that Draco actually interacted with anyone else further than just a passing comment or pleasantry to be polite. He was getting used to his solitude; wallowing in depression was very easy for him, after all he did it for nearly a year during and after the war and having revision to do as a distraction helped as well.

He had gotten out of the Transfiguration classroom before anyone else, and was swiftly making his way to the stairwell to get back to the common room for the hour before dinner when he heard Theo calling him. He was half tempted to quicken his pace and ignore him, but instead grudgingly slowed down to allow him to catch up.

"What?" he asked, when Theo fell into step beside him.

"Alright?" he said, rather sheepishly.

"Yes. I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Draco wasn't going to act like nothing had happened and let Theo off the hook.

"Come on Draco, I know I was a dick, but…" Theo was being his usual brusque self, but it wasn't going to wash with Draco this time.

"Yeah, you were a total dickhead." Draco said flatly. "You don't like muggles, fine. But don't make out that I don't have my own shit to sort out." Draco wasn't really angry with Theo, although the temptation to vent his ire on him was strong.

"Alright, yes; I was a dickhead. I shouldn't have gone off on one at you, but it's like nothing seems to touch you. You just calmly announced that you are going off to live with the muggles like it was nothing; I have been panicking about what I'm going to do and where I'm going to go for weeks." Theo sounded incredulous, like Draco's reaction baffled him.

"How would panicking help me?" asked Draco, feeling pissed off at Theo's grievance. "It's far better if I make a plan instead. It sounds like you are annoyed that I'm trying to work things out."

"I guess I am. How come you can stay so calm whilst I'm falling apart?" for once, Theo was allowing himself to be vulnerable, easing a little of Draco's annoyance.

"Living in the same house as Voldemort makes you learn how to control your emotions. Any weakness that he detected could get you killed, so you learnt to not look weak." There was no way that Draco could explain to Theo in a way that would express the abject fear and dread that being with the Dark Lord day-in day-out inspired but hopefully he could understand this much.

Theo seemed to have run out of things to say, but Draco still wanted a proper apology from him. The old adage of "you teach people how to treat you" was true, and he wasn't about to let Theo take out his issues on him.

"Anything else to say to me?" he prompted, when it was clear that nothing else was forthcoming.

"I'm sorry, I guess." Theo mumbled.

"What was that?" Draco asked. He might not be that angry with him really, but he wanted to make him squirm; fuck Theo and his crappy attitude!

"I said I'm sorry." He repeated, a little louder this time.

"Apology accepted." Said Draco, coolly. "Now what do you want?"

"Shall we got something to eat and then we can test each other an Ancient Runes?" Theo asked.

"Yeah, sure." Draco thought he would revise with Theo just as well as on his own. He wouldn't be confiding in him or sharing his woes; that trust was still broken for the moment.

He was sitting eating his shepherd's pie, unable to stop himself from looking over at the Gryffindor table. Why did he do this to himself? He should make sure that he was facing away from it, but he found that he wanted to look at her. Even though he was hurt and angry, he still wanted her.

It was that evening that the exam timetables appeared on the common room noticeboard. Granger would be pleased, he thought wryly as he jostled his way to it through a gaggle of serious looking seventh years and a bunch of nosy younger students in order to copy down his schedule.

Week 1

MONDAY- Potions practical in the morning, Theory in the afternoon.

TUESDAY- Arithmancy in the afternoon.

WEDNESDAY-Charms theory in the morning, practical in the afternoon.

THURSDAY – No exams for his subjects

FRIDAY- Defence against the Dark Arts theory, practical in the afternoon.

Week 2

MONDAY- No exams for his subjects

TUESDAY- Transfiguration practical in the morning, theory in the afternoon.

WEDNESDAY- Ancient Runes in the morning.

THURSDAY- Herbology theory in the morning, practical in the afternoon.

FRIDAY- No exams for his subjects.

Draco looked down his list, pleased to note that it didn't look too full-on. He had some free periods in the two weeks that he could use to study or just catch up on sleep if he needed to. His least confident subject was Herbology, he mused, so it was good that it was at the end of the fortnight and he could have a few extra days to prepare. It was one of the ones required to be a healer, so if he messed it up it could ruin his chances! The others that he needed (Potions, Transfiguration, Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts) he felt pretty confident with.

Theo had the same subjects as him, so they would be doing the same exams.

"Shall we revise in exam order?" he asked as they went to a quiet corner of the common room to study. He seemed to think that things were back to their previous easy comradery, but Draco was much more wary; was Theo just wanting help with his work?

Up until now there was no way that Draco would have worried that people were only being nice to him in order to use his knowledge, he had never been classed as a swot, but now he was beginning to wonder. It then occurred to him that this was probably how Granger had felt throughout her entire school career, and it was certainly true when it came to Weasley; he had always been trying to copy her work or asking her for help!

"Fine." He responded, taking out his copy of Advanced Potion-Making and putting it on the table. Theo followed suit, and they spent a little time quizzing each other.

"Why aren't you in the library?" asked Theo once they had exhausted their knowledge of Golpalott's six laws and their applications to potion making.

"Because I'm here." Answered Draco, not wanting to discuss anything with Theo.

"But you haven't been in the library all week," Theo stated.

"Nope. I haven't. Everyone's in the library, it's too distracting." Draco replied curtly. "Arithmancy next?"

For once, Theo took the hint that Draco wasn't in the mood to chat, and they turned to their Arithmancy books instead.

After another joyous night of good sleep, Draco woke early, and decided to get to the library before the crush. He wanted to check a few things out for Herbology that weren't in his copy of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi; he couldn't remember if you needed to prune wand wood trees in the Spring or the Autumn and he was certain that Professor Sprout had insinuated that care of wand-quality trees would be on the exam.

He had timed his visit to the library well; he was the only student perusing the Herbology shelves this early. He had just found the book he was looking for, Wand Wood Properties and Tree Care, when he realised that he was no longer alone in the stacks.

"Draco." Hermione said quietly. She was standing at the end of the shelves, almost like she was too nervous to get any closer.

"Hey Granger," he replied, before feigning an intense interest in the book that was clutched in his hands.

She didn't say anything else, and he wondered if she had left the aisle, but didn't want to look up to check.

"Are you ok?" Her voice was closer this time.

"Yes, I'm ok." He replied. "How about you?" He was anything but ok, but there was no way he was going to tell her that.

"I'm alright." She said hesitantly, then continued in a rush. "I'm sorry, for the other night. I was just really surprised, and I didn't know what to say…"

"It's ok, Granger." He said, not wanting the further humiliation of her explaining her rejection of him in greater detail. "I understand. I got too invested too quickly, and it freaked you out. It's fine."

"It's not fine!" she whispered fiercely, careful to keep her voice low so as not to attract the attention of Madam Pince or some curious onlookers.

"Look Granger. I'm sorry I freaked you out. I'm not going to start stalking you, or sending you poetry or any creepy shit like that." Could she not just leave him be, to wallow in his misery?!

"Will you shut up and listen for a minute!" she hissed, in a very un-Hermione way. "Yes. I was surprised, I didn't think that we were anywhere near that sort of level of commitment. However, I didn't mean to make you think that I don't want a relationship with you."

Draco listened warily, feeling a little flame of hope spring to life in his chest. He waited for her to continue.

"There are going to be some massive changes for us both over the next few years, we will both have to work hard to establish ourselves in our careers and that will take time, so I'm neither promising nor asking for 'forever' but I would like to see where this could go…" she tailed off, looking at him carefully, like she was unsure of what his reaction would be.

Draco stood for a moment, thinking about what she had said; Wasn't promising forever, but would give it a go? Hell, he'd take that!

"Granger, as usual you have made me feel like a total idiot with your eloquent and sensible response." He started, seeing her brows knit in trepidation. "All I really wanted from you was some sort of commitment that we can be together after school finishes. I didn't want you to disappear off into the ministry of magic and never see you again."

Her frown was quickly replaced by a smile as she realised what he was saying to her.

"Oh, Draco!" she whispered, closing the last few steps between them and throwing her arms around his middle.

He hugged her back, feeling like he had won a great victory; he had stayed calm and chosen his words carefully, securing some sort of agreement from her for the future. Of course, he still planned to marry her, but this would do for now.

The curtain of bleakness that had been shadowing him the past few days was drawn back, and the reality of what the next couple of weeks were going to bring stole into his consciousness. No more time for melodrama, he needed to knuckle down and revise!

"Come on Granger, only a week to go until the exams start. Best get reading!" He tucked the book that he was holding under his arm, and grabbed another couple off the shelf for good measure. Smiling, Hermione followed suit and they made a beeline for their table in the corner.

It felt good to be here with her again, Draco felt almost weak with relief and excitement that they were back on track. No wonder the pureblood way was to shut down their feelings, he mused, the rollercoaster of emotion that he had been on over the past week was exhausting, and not something that he wanted to repeat over and over like it seemed that so many others did. Caring about other people was hard work!

After an hour or so, feeling hungry and elated, they made their way up to the great hall for breakfast. He and Granger were talking easily like they usually did, Draco gently teasing her about her fixation on knowing the exam timetable. He was coming to realise that when Hermione was stressed she tended to focus on one small thing to obsess about, instead of the massive thing that was causing the stress. She was already switching this focus on to how she should organise her free time to maximise her learning capacity for each subject. Draco found it both irritating and endearing at the same time.

Three more weeks, he told himself, three more weeks then he and Granger could start making some plans and spending some quality time together.