"Excuse me?" I ask. I hear Tobias' muttering but his voice sounds robotic and a million miles away to my traumatized ears. "First trimester?" A strong sense of déjà vu washes over me as I sit on an examination table in the infirmary. I fight as hard as I can against the nervous laughter building inside but it rips from my lips anyway. I could be wrong but it just sounded like Zander told me I'm pregnant … in a very roundabout way but that's impossible. Tobias and I chose the IUD specifically so we wouldn't have another unplanned pregnancy. "What?" I look from Tobias who is leaning against the examination table, a mask of confusion covering his pale face to Zander.
"I'm sorry, guys. I should have been clearer a few minutes ago. I suspected anemia was the cause of your bruising, Tris, and your initial blood tests confirmed that diagnosis with low levels of both iron and folate. There are several causes of anemia but with you lacking those two specific compounds, I immediately suspected that you were pregnant. I ordered the urine sample and ran another blood test to confirm my suspicions, and the results came back positive. Congratulations! You're pregnant," he says, a wide smile on his face. Tobias and I don't respond, we just sit there, me anxiously laughing like a crazy person and him frozen and mute, now with his Four mask covering his face. I wonder how we look to Zander. After a moment he asks, "Are you two okay? This obviously has come as quite a shock."
"I think we need a minute," Tobias finally murmurs.
"Of course," he says, getting up off the rolling stool he sat down on as he delivered the life-altering news. "Take all the time you need. Just shoot me a text when you're ready to continue. We still need to do the initial prenatal examination and ultrasound."
"Thanks, Zander," Tobias says. I would say the same thing but I'm still tittering, lost inside my head.
Pregnant? But I'm on birth control. This can't be happening … not again! What exactly does this mean? Tobias doesn't even want another baby. He's been adamant about that for weeks now. I can't lose him. I won't lose him. What if he doesn't want this baby? What if he wants me to get rid of it? Could I do that? No! Absolutely not! This baby is a part of us. What if he hates me? What if he leaves me? I can't do this without him. These are the things running wildly and unrestrictedly through my head. I look up and find Tobias' steely gaze fixated on me. Panic constricts my chest, making it hard to breathe but I manage to keep my cool … just barely.
"Tell me, love, what are you thinking?" I look up and see Four and long for Tobias but I understand. This has come as quite a shock. I shake my head, unable or unwilling to answer. I'm not sure which. "Tris, we promised each other honesty. You can tell me anything. You know that."
"You don't want another baby," I murmur, barely above a whisper. Tears well up then slowly overflow my eyes as I voice my fear out loud. For a split second, his mask falters and agony flashes across his face. He cups my cheeks between his big, strong hands that have always taken such great care of me and wipes away the tears with his thumbs. I reach up and grasp his wrists, needing to anchor myself to him in this moment.
"My reservations have never ever been about having more children with you. Hell, we could single-handedly fill this faction with kids, and I'd be one happy sonofabitch. I love our kids more than anything. Well, except for you, of course." He softly presses his lips to mine. The kiss is tender, loving, and doesn't last nearly long enough.
"So, you're okay with this?" I softly ask. "You're not mad at me?" He lets his mask fall away, and I finally see everything he's feeling clearly written on his face: joy, pride, fear, cockiness. Of course! He's such a man!
"Of course, I'm okay with it. More than okay. And the only way I would be angry with you is if you had the IUD removed without my knowledge, which I know you would never do. You would never disrespect or hurt me like that. We both know that abstinence is the only 100% effective form of birth control and," he laughs, "that's never going to happen." I can't help but giggle at the look on his face. "I love being inside you too much, making love to you … making love with you."
"I love that, too," I say, caressing his face. He touches his forehead to mine.
"I love you so much, Beatrice Grace Eaton." He moves a hand to my still flat tummy. "And I love this baby already." My anxious tears turn to happy, relieved ones. "I have to be honest with you though. It terrifies me that you're pregnant again, Tris. I can't live through what I did with Evelyn ever again. Sitting with her nearly every day while she laid in that hospital bed, wondering if our Tessa was going to be okay. It nearly destroyed me." He stops and sucks in an unsteady breath. "You have to promise to do exactly what Zander and Isobel tell you … no questions asked or I'm locking you in our bedroom and tying you to the bed for the next nine months and it won't be for sexual pleasure." Heat not only floods my cheeks but my core remembering being tied to our bed, his hands and mouth all over me for hours.
"I promise to be careful," I say, shaking off the sudden desire. "I know how serious this is, and I know how much you worry. I won't do anything to put this baby in jeopardy or myself. Whatever they tell me to do, I'll happily do it," I say.
"That's my girl." My free hand flutters down to my tummy.
"I'm still having a hard time believing this is happening. Another baby," I say. "I really don't see how it's possible."
"These things happen," he says. "We have a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed monster at your parents' house who is living proof that birth control can sometimes fail."
"But that was different, Tobias," I remind him. "I was poisoned. The death serum erased our protection. We chose the IUD so an unexpected pregnancy couldn't surprise us."
"When's the last time you checked to see if it's in place?" he asks. My cheeks flush with embarrassment remembering that it's been months since I checked for the little string. I just assumed that it was there protecting us.
"I guess I got a little lax," I say. He stares at me like he's searching for something.
"How do you feel about this?" he asks after a quiet moment. "I thought you would be over the moon. You don't seem to be acting that way."
"I think I'm still in a bit of shock but I'm very happy." He kisses the side of my head and covers my hand with his. "We created another life, baby. How could I be anything but overjoyed? I love you so much, Tobias."
"I love you, too, Tris," he says, our lips touching for a soft, intimate kiss full of love and joy.
"We're having a baby!" I breathlessly say as my lips turn up with the brightest smile.
"We're having a baby!" he says, returning my grin. We take a moment to bask in our elation before Tobias pulls out his phone and texts Zander. We're cuddling and kissing when he comes into the room.
"That's more like it," he mutters lowly, probably not meaning for us to hear it. "I take it this is good news."
"Definitely," Tobias says. "We've been talking about another baby for a few weeks now."
"I'm still finding this hard to believe but a baby is most definitely welcome," I say.
"I didn't know you were trying," he says.
"We weren't," I say.
"That makes your reactions make sense now," he says. "At least it isn't my fault this time."
"I think it's his fault," I say tossing my thumb in Tobias' direction. "He's the one with super sperm to get around the IUD." We all laugh even as I blush. I can't believe I just said that. I don't think any of us believe I just said that!
"Well let's get down to business," Zander says. "I'll ask a few questions then do a complete prenatal workup including a pelvic and ultrasound."
"Okay," I say.
"When was your last period?" he asks. Oh boy!
"I'm not exactly sure," I slowly say, thinking back to the day I felt like I was dying and stayed in bed for nearly 24 hours. "I've only had three since the IUD was implanted. The last one was … three months ago I think." It sounds like a question. "I don't know the exact date. I didn't think to make a notation but it was horrible, especially after not having one in over a year."
"Hhm," is all he says as he makes a notation in the chart. "When's the last time you checked the placement of the IUD?"
"I don't know. Months," I say. "I got lax about checking." My negligence causes my cheeks to heat.
"That happens. I'll see if it's still in place when I do the exam and the ultrasound," he says. "If it is you'll have a decision to make."
"What's that?" Tobias asks, his voice dripping with concern.
"An IUD pregnancy has a higher rate of miscarriage," he says. "If it's still in place you'll have to decide whether to remove it or leave it in but we're getting ahead of ourselves. I'll be right back." I knew there were risks from the preeclampsia but I totally forgot about the risks the IUD posed until he reminded us. My heart flutters rapidly in my chest. I'm just getting used to the idea that we're actually having another baby. I don't want to lose it.
"You're awfully quiet," Tobias softly says. He's standing right beside me. I turn and look up at him.
"I don't want to lose this baby," I murmur. He wraps his arms around me.
"We'll deal with whatever comes our way. You and me, love, always."
"I love you, baby," I say.
"I love you, too," he says. I sit on the end of the examination table, my knees nervously bouncing up and down, and Tobias is standing next to me, holding my hand.
"Okay, let's get this show on the road," Zander jovially says as he walks back into the room with a different nurse who's dragging a portable ultrasound machine behind her. "Four, you can stand at Tris' head, holding her hand." He adjusts the exam table and has me put my feet in the stirrups and scoot to the very end of the table. Besides the agonizing pain of labor this is my least favorite part of pregnancy. I'd gladly take erratic mood swings, debilitating morning sickness, and other physical symptoms over this. My one consolation is that Tobias is here holding my hand. He doesn't accompany me to my yearly gynecology appointments so this is a nice change. I look up into his eyes as Zander performs the pelvic exam. "I'm confident that the IUD has been expelled but I'll confirm it with the ultrasound."
"How often does that happen?" Tobias asks. "We thought we were covered with the IUD. Did we make the wrong choice? Are we going to have an unplanned pregnancy again in a couple years if this is the route we choose to go again in the future?"
"It's actually quite rare," he says. "And I've never seen it happen to the same woman twice."
"I guess that's good to know," I say. "I really like the convenience of the IUD but I'm with Four. We don't want another unplanned pregnancy in the future. Two is enough for one lifetime."
"I can imagine," he says as he swings the stirrups down and the end of the table up so I can lie back comfortably now that the physical exam portion is over. He puts a blanket over the lower part of my body and pulls my gown up to expose my abdomen. I stare at it as he pulls the portable ultrasound machine over. It could be my imagination but it doesn't look as flat as I thought it did. Hhm. Tobias drapes his arm over my shoulder and kisses my temple. I grip his hand tighter. I remember hearing Teagan's heartbeat for the first time and nervous excitement rushes through me.
"You're glowing," Tobias quietly says, his mouth against my ear.
"I'm happy," I say.
"So am I," he says as Zander, after a quick warning, puts the cold lubricant on my belly, making me shiver. He places the transducer in the jelly and moves it around, pressing down firmly.
"The IUD is indeed gone," he says after a reflective moment, still moving the wand around. "That's good news. Now you don't have to worry about that." He narrows his eyes as he looks at the screen. "Hhm."
"What is it?" Tobias and I ask at the same time. He sounds … different and my heart rate picks up.
"I'll let you see in just a moment," he says. He keeps the wand firmly in place on my belly while he turns the screen towards us and flips a switch. My baby's heartbeat echoes throughout the room, bringing tears of joy to my eyes. I lean into Tobias, and he kisses my head. My eyes are pinned to the monitor waiting for the moment I get to see our newest addition for the first time. I feel Tobias' kiss everywhere: My cheek, along my jawline, on my temple, in my hair. I can feel his intense excitement. It's just as palpable as my own. "Okay, look here." Zander points to the screen with his free hand as he slowly moves the wand. The heartbeat fades into nothingness then picks back up. That's odd. I furrow my brows as I stare at the screen.
"Um, w-what's g-going on?" Tobias stutters. I've never heard him sound this way before. The room goes silent, and Zander does something that changes the picture on the screen. Tobias cussed under his breath, and I find myself getting anxious.
"What's going on?" I ask, confused.
"Two," he murmurs in a trance-like state.
"Two what?" I ask, still unclear as to what's going on.
"Babies."
"Babies? What the hell are you talking about?" I was always in awe when I saw Teagan in the early ultrasound pictures but to be honest I had a hard time making anything out unless Zander or Isobel was physically pointing at it. She just looked like an ink blot test to me. I narrow my eyes at the screen. Teagan was clearly the shape of a peanut but this baby looks more like a … bean. My baby bean! Then I see it … a second rounder shape. "What the fuck?" My hands fly to my mouth and my bottom lip quivers almost violently as tears roll down my cheeks.
"Congratulations, Mommy and Daddy! You are having twins," Zander says. Twins? Holy hell! I wanted another baby but two? I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What the hell are you thinking, Tris? I already have two babies growing inside of me at this moment. I can't change that. I just have to deal with it. I take a deep breath and let the tears continue.
"Tris?" Tobias asks. His voice sounds far away. "Love, are you okay?"
"Hhm?" I mumble, finally looking up at him.
"You're pale," he says, wiping the tears away with his thumb.
"I only wanted one baby," I murmur and he smiles warmly.
"Yeah but looks like we have two in there."
"That happens to the best of us," Zander heartily laughs and I remember his twins, Nash and Nya. Oh, God! I hope our twins aren't hellions like those two.
"Do you know if there are any sets of twins in your family?" he asks.
"My dad told me he has twin … brothers I think it was," I say.
"Twins run in families and they have the tendency to skip generations, although that isn't always the case."
"Well, if I have any questions, I'll be sure to ask Stella," I say. "Or Isobel. She has twins, too."
"I know you will," he says. "Now let's figure out exactly how far along you are." He moves the transducer and focuses on the first baby. First baby! "This is baby A because it's closest to the cervix." He flips a switch and the heartbeat echoes wildly throughout the room again. "Baby A's heart rate is 167 beats per minute and looks to be 0.75 inches long, which puts you roughly between eight and nine weeks." Already? Wow! My first trimester is nearly over. How did I not suspect anything? I'm a terrible mother. He moves the wand to my other baby and soon its heartbeat is sounding throughout the room. "This is baby B. Its heart rate is 169 beats per minute and is measuring 0.77 inches, which also puts you right between eight and nine weeks. Let me calculate your due date, which is 35-36 weeks for twins." He enters some data into the computer then looks back at us with a smile. "Looks like your due date is January 23. Do you have any questions for me?"
"Can you tell if they're identical or not?" Tobias asks still staring at the screen, awed. Zander adds more goo and moves the transducer around again but I'm not sure what he's looking for.
"There are two gestational sacs and what looks to be two placentae but it's not perfectly clear," he says. "My educated guess is that you have fraternal twins here, which happens when two separate eggs are fertilized, so you could have two girls, two boys, or one of each. If they are sharing one placenta, they will be identical twins. We will know for sure at your 20-week ultrasound. I assume you'll want their sexes then."
"Definitely," I say. "It's easier to prepare. Can we bring the kids to that ultrasound? I'd like them to be included in this as much as possible."
"Of course, you can," he says. "It's nice to involve older children in a pregnancy. It makes it an easier transition."
"What about the preeclampsia?" I ask.
"As you know, the fact that you had preeclampsia in your first pregnancy gives you a greater risk of developing it in the second as does the fact that you're carrying multiples. We will closely monitor you monthly until the third trimester then we'll go to a two-week interval, although I do want weekly blood pressure checks when you reach the second trimester. If your numbers are abnormal we will deal with it then more than likely with bedrest. I don't want either of you stressing over it though. Just because the risk is higher doesn't mean you will develop it. My biggest advice is to keep your stress level low. Some great stress relievers are regular exercise, meditation, massage, yoga."
"Sex?" I ask, interrupting and he laughs.
"Yes, Tris, sex can be a great stress reliever," he says, shaking his head. "As long as you are comfortable, it doesn't hurt, and you have no cramping or spotting you can enjoy a healthy sex life right up until you deliver just like a single pregnancy."
"Good," I say. Tobias chuckles and kisses my temple.
"Is there anything we can do to keep her from developing preeclampsia?" he asks.
"The short answer, in your case, is no, not really," Zander says. "Researchers at Erudite have done numerous studies over the years on that very subject. There have been no definitive answers. Some physicians recommend low-dose aspirin therapy in the second and third trimesters to help keep preeclampsia at bay while others refute it. I have no real opinion one way or another. Maybe Isobel does, I don't know."
"Would it hurt to try it?" Tobias asks.
"No, not at all," he says after pondering a moment. "Are you having any pregnancy-related symptoms yet?"
"Yeah," I say with a sigh. "I guess I've been having morning sickness but nothing like with Teags, although the nausea has been brutal at times. I've only been sick a handful of times but I haven't been eating much. My emotions are all over the place. I've had some breast tenderness. I'm exhausted. Oh, I had a dizzy spell this morning."
"All typical symptoms," he says. "You know this but I'd like to go over it again anyway. Get plenty of sleep, lots of water, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, three servings of milk each day, limit your red meat intake, limit your caffeine intake, avoid jumping on and off the train unless absolutely necessary, sex is fine like I said unless it hurts. If you notice any spotting or bleeding call me or Isobel immediately. If you have any cramping or sharp pains call one of us immediately. I'd like you to implement a stress-relieving exercise regimen for preventative measures. The longer you can keep your blood pressure down, the better. Do you have any other questions for me?" Tobias and I look at each other then back at Zander and shake our heads. "You can get dressed, Tris. I'll be back in with ultrasound pictures and prescriptions for prenatal vitamins, iron supplements, and folic acid."
"Can we hear their heartbeats one more time?" I ask.
"Of course," he says, a warm smile on his face. He runs the transducer through the now warm jelly that's dripping over the edge of my tummy and onto the crinkled paper covering the thin mattress on the exam table. Within seconds the room fills with the galloping heartbeat of baby A, my little baby bean. I sit back and listen, awed that our love did this.
"I love you, Tobias," I murmur, needing to say his name even though we're not alone.
"I love you, too, Tris." His voice is thick with unshed tears. I look up at him and he lowers his lips to mine. There is zero passion or lust. This kiss is emotional, full of the deep love we have for each other. When I pull back, I see tears streaming down his cheek through my own tear-filled eyes.
"Now baby B," Zander says. He finds our other miracle, and it looks more rounded kind of like a button.
"Button and bean," I say.
"Hhm?" Tobias murmurs as we listen to its heartbeat.
"This is my baby button," I say. "The other one is baby bean."
"I can see that," he says after a reflective moment. "Amazingly enough, they look nothing like peanut."
"No, they don't," I say. "We're good now, Zander. Thank you very much. We appreciate the few extra minutes."
"It was no problem at all," he says. He cleans the goo off my tummy after cradling the transducer. "I'll be back in a few minutes." I get dressed in a daze, blindsided by the fact that not only am I pregnant but that I'm having twins then Tobias pulls me into his arms. He holds me tightly, my head resting against his chest. His heart is beating faster than normal but it's not racing, not quite.
"Here you go," Zander says after he walks back into the room. I untangle myself from Tobias' embrace and he hands me several shots of our twins – twins! – and three prescriptions. "I want to see you back here in one week to check your iron and folic acid levels. You can make your prenatal appointments with Isobel if you'd like or I'd be happy to handle them."
"Normally, I'd be okay with Isobel but with the risk attached I'd be happier if you handled it, Zander," Tobias says. "Is that okay, love?"
"I agree with you," I say. "I'd like you to be the primary and Isobel can be the secondary caregiver on record."
"You got it," he says. "Congratulations again, you two!" I hug him tightly then we say our goodbyes. After stopping by the pharmacy and getting the vitamins and folic acid, Tobias takes my hand and leads me up the winding path.
"Where are we going?" I ask.
"To celebrate before we pick up the kids," he says, looking down at me, his eyes dilated wide with desire. "I have the perfect place in mind." Excitement quickens our pace. When he turns down the familiar hallway, I know exactly where he's taking me, his old apartment. I'll hate the day we have to give it up but as of right now it's like a home away from home. We stop so he can get his keys out of his pocket and a voice I hate fills my ears.
"Hi, Four," Freya says, ignoring me as usual. He doesn't even turn to acknowledge her. He's in too much of a hurry to get into our love nest and get his hands on me. I look at the pretty brunette and smile, trying not to let her ruin my good mood but she's looking at my husband with a wistful look in her eyes.
"He's happily married, Freya Monroe. We've never made a secret out of our relationship. Stop undressing him with your mind and stop eye fucking him right in front of me," I say, my pregnancy hormones giving me an excuse to say exactly what I've always wanted to say to her and every other little tart who looks at my man like they're going to try and take him away from me. Her eyes fly to mine, her mouth hanging open. "He wants nothing to do with you. He's made that perfectly clear. He has never even given you a second look, a second thought. He. Loves. Me. Now we are going in here and we are going to make love so move along little girl. Ba-bye!" Her hands fly to her mouth as she gasps and tears gather in her eyes but I don't feel bad. She needed to hear every word of that, well maybe not the making love part but I've had enough. I wish I had met Olivia during my volatile first trimester then maybe I wouldn't have scars that remind me of her on a daily basis. Freya turns and flies around the corner, out onto the path.
"Tris," Tobias softly says, his tone slightly admonishing. "You didn't have to talk to her like that."
"I think I did," I say. "Sooner or later she was going to make a play for you, and it's my duty as your wife to set her straight. You're mine, Tobias Eaton. It was past time she heard it."
"Freya isn't Olivia," he says.
"I know but I thought it was about time she got the message loud and clear. I will not be toyed with, and I refuse to go through what the bitch put us through ever again. You. Are. Mine. No one else's."
"Damn straight I'm yours," he says, roughly pulling my body up against his. Heat radiates back at me from his gaze. "I like it when you get possessive. It's sexy as hell. Now, I think it's time we get naked."
