"So, what do you guys want for supper?" Tobias asks the kids as we leisurely drive back to Dauntless. They spent most of the day playing at the park with my parents where they had a picnic lunch under the sweeping oaks. They had just returned to Abnegation when we got there to pick them up and hadn't had a chance to have supper yet. Mom asked if we wanted to stay but I politely declined. I'm exhausted from the day's activities and the adrenaline spike of our unexpected but happy news wearing off.
"Mac and cheese," Tyler matter-of-factly says as Tessa excitedly says, "meatwoaf," and Teagan pleads, "poni pitsa peas."
"Looks like we're eating in the cafeteria tonight," I chuckle. I don't know why I thought they would all want the same thing. They very rarely do.
"We could get takeout and head home," Tobias hesitantly says.
"No," I say. "It feels like we've been hiding out since the rumors started. We need to get out, show everyone that we're fine."
"You're right, love," he says as he lifts our joined hands to his lips.
"So, who wants to tell me what you did today?" I ask. Three eager hands shoot up into the air, and they all chant me, me, me. "Tyler?"
"Grandma made baked oatmeal with raisins and cimmanin. It was so good. I had two whole plates. I wanted more but she telled me I don't need anymore. I was good and didn't argue but I needed more," he states so matter-of-factly. I disguise my laugh with a cough. I remember her baked oatmeal. Until I had Dauntless cake, it was the best thing I had ever tasted. It took me years to realize she only made it on special occasions but my kids get it on a nondescript Sunday. It's hard not to be a touch jealous. I immediately scold myself for the erroneous thought. I won't allow myself to resent my Mom and Dad for spending time with their grandchildren.
"Mm. I remember Grandma's special oatmeal," I say. "She would put dried cranberries in it at Christmas."
"Can you make it for us sometime?" Tyler asks.
"Sure! I'll get the recipe and make it on special occasions just like she did when I was growing up." All three cheers at that. "What about you, Tessa? What do you remember most about your visit with Grandma and Grandpa?"
"We goed to pawk," she says. "I swing an' slided an' wunned with Teags and Ty. Gamma even slided. It fun." I'm not sure I can imagine my mom on the slides. That would have been fun to watch.
"What about you, Teags?" I ask. Baby girl almost slips from my lips and an odd feeling twists my tummy. She's not going to be my baby anymore. I don't know why that makes me sad but it does. "Did you have fun?"
"Yep!" She launches into a tale that's very hard to follow but I think the gist of it is that my dad read them a storybook before bedtime or let them rewrite the laws of the city, one or the other.
"Was it a good book?" I ask.
"Mm-hm," she says. "It 'bout a bunny."
"Benny the bunny," Tyler says, helping her. "It was funny. It was about a bunny who kept losing his tail." They all giggle excitedly, and a faint recollection tickles the edge of my memory.
"I think Grandpa used to read it to me when I was a little girl," I say as Tobias turns into Dauntless' garage. "Was his tail on the top of a little girl's hat once?"
"Yeah!" Teags excitedly answers. "It so funny."
"It is funny," I say thankful for the sacred returned memory.
After Tobias pulls into our normal parking space, we let three overexcited, rambunctious kids out of the backseat. As I close the door, I see movement out of the corner of my eye or at least I think I do. I stare at the long line of dark-colored vehicles available for member use but I don't see anything or anyone.
"Is something wrong, love?" Tobias asks. He's lifted Teagan off the ground and set her on his shoulders. I notice Tessa looking at me expectantly, and she holds her arms out to me.
"Nothing's wrong," I say as I lift my oldest daughter into my arms. One day, probably sooner than later, I won't be able to do this so I'll take advantage of her snuggles for as long as I can.
"Are you sure?" he asks, his suspicious eyes scanning the area I was just studying.
"I'm positive," I say, convinced that I imagined the whole thing. The garage still holds many unwelcome memories for me and, to this day, I'm not completely comfortable setting foot into this space even with my burly husband beside me. "Come on, buddy. Let's go." He walks between us out onto the path then impatiently runs ahead.
"Tyler!" Tobias and I call out at the same time. He stops and looks at us.
"Get back here," I say. He frowns but comes running back.
"I'm hungry," he whines.
"I'm sure you are but don't run away from us," Tobias sternly says. "We don't want you to get hurt. We'll get to the cafeteria soon and you can eat then."
"Okay," he mumbles, hanging his head.
"Don't be grumpy, buddy," I say. "We're just looking out for you."
"I'm sorry, Mommy," he says as he looks up at me. I immediately recognize the look in his eyes. He's tired. He must have run himself ragged at the park. We'll be lucky to get him back to the apartment tonight before he falls asleep.
"You're tired," I say. "I get it but please stay with us."
"I not tired," he forcefully says, an indignant expression on his face.
"Mm-hm," I murmur, shaking my head as he stomps a couple feet in front of us but he doesn't go any further. I look up at Tobias and see he's fighting the urge to laugh just as much as I am but we can't show how amusing we find him at the moment.
An infuriating hush falls over the cafeteria when we walk into the room. Thankfully, the kids don't seem to notice. Tyler takes off like a shot to our table, probably enticed by the thought of chocolate cake with Uncle Uriah. Tessa starts struggling in my arms obviously wanting down. I set her on her feet just as Tobias does the same with Teags, and they both run after their brother. I take Tobias' hand and lead him toward our friends. I glance around me, and I'm surprised to see the cafeteria still so full at this time of night. Maybe it's usual, maybe it's not. It's been ages since we've come down for a Sunday night meal. We almost always exclusively make a big home cooked meal but it's nice to change things up once in a while. By the time we make it to our table the chatter in the cafeteria has resumed almost to a deafening level. Every few steps I swear I hear people gossiping about us but I'm probably just being paranoid.
"This is a nice surprise," Christina says as I sit down beside her. Teags squeezed between her and Will to sit with Liam and Tessa is sitting with Avery and Callen.
"The kids all wanted something different so we decided to have supper here instead of listening to two of them whine all night," I say. She chuckles.
"I'll go get the kids' plates," Tobias says.
"I'll come with you. Tyler, you still want mac and cheese?"
"Yep," he says, licking his lips as he stares at Uriah's cake. "Can I have cake, too?"
"Yes," I say, "but just a small slice. What about you, Tessa? Still want meatloaf?" She shakes her head. "Well what do you want then?"
"Cake."
"Me, too," Teags chimes in.
"You both can have cake for dessert but you have to eat supper first," Tobias says. "So, meatloaf, Tessa?"
"Mm-hm," she says with a big grin.
"Poni pitsa peas," Teags singsongs.
"Okay. Pepperoni pizza for you," I say. "We'll be right back." Tobias and I walk hand-in-hand to the nearly empty food line and get the kids' plates then deliver them before going back to get our own suppers.
"Doesn't anything look good?" he asks as he watches me stare at the long line of food.
"The exact opposite actually," I say. "I'm starving and it all looks good. We obviously worked off that salad I had for lunch." He leans in close.
"You're eating for three now," he whispers then kisses my temple. "You eat as much as you want."
"I haven't been very hungry lately and too nauseous," I say. "It seems odd that I'm famished tonight. I hope I don't get sick." I fill my plate with baked chicken smothered in a rich smoky barbeque sauce, coleslaw, baked beans with bacon, and a gelatin salad with tapioca and mandarin oranges, and he gets a nearly identical one except he adds a scoop of potato salad to his.
"Here, let me carry that for you," Tobias says as he takes my plate from me.
"You know I could carry that, right?" I say.
"Just helping," he says. I smile warmly at my loving husband. It feels so good to be in synch once again. I lean over and kiss his shoulder. "What was that for?"
"For always taking good care of me," I softly say. "I love you."
"I love you, too," he says as he drops a tender kiss on top of my head. I hear someone scoff as we make our way past a random table. I'm sure Tobias hears it, too, because his entire body stiffens beside me. That's it! I've had enough! This ends here and now. I turn and tromp to the center of the room and climb up onto the middle of the nearest table, stepping over cups and plates, both empty and full, startling its occupants. The room goes instantly quiet as all eyes land on me.
"I have something to say and you're all going to listen," I shout. I turn a slow circle making eye contact with as many people as I can until my eyes finally fall on Tobias'. I'm not surprised to see his mask staring back at me. It's important I speak to him first. "I am so sorry for not doing a damn thing to stop the cruel rumors going around the compound about you. You deserve so much better than the treatment you've received lately not only from our faction but from me, too." He starts to object, but I shake my head and he stops. "I know you didn't really want me to do this but I can't stand by for one more second and let your good reputation tarnish further because of one silly bruise. I just can't do it. I hope you can forgive me." I take a deep breath and make yet another slow rotation. Half the room is focused on me and the other half on Tobias who is standing where I left him with our plates in his hands, frozen.
"I'd like to stand before all of you tonight and say that the rumors you've heard circulating this past week are 100% false but I can't. There is one detail I can't refute. I. Had. A. Bruise. Unfortunately, someone saw it and instead of asking me about it, they decided to gossip and that gossip turned into unspeakable rumors about my husband being an abuser. Let me set the record straight right here and right now. My husband has never, not once, lifted a finger against me in anger. He has never beat me. He has never hit me. He has never hurt me. He has never abused me, physically or emotionally. Is our marriage perfect? No, it's not but I challenge anyone in this faction, in this city to show me a perfect relationship." I look around but am only met by silence. "None of you can because it's mythical, it doesn't exist.
"And not that it's anyone's business but mine and my husband's but after finding additional bruising, I was diagnosed with a medical condition." I lift my pant leg and show them a nasty bluish-black amoeba-looking spot on my shin. "I barely tapped my leg against my bedframe two days ago and this is what it looks like now." I let my pant leg fall back into place and stand tall once again.
"The sad part of all this is that I shouldn't have to justify my life to any of you but I will not tolerate the disrespect you've shown my husband and in turn me this past week. We don't deserve it after everything we've done to help this faction, to help this city. You should all be ashamed of yourselves." I step down off the table and head to Tobias. "Do you want to go home?"
"No," he says. "I'd like to sit down with our friends and eat supper."
"Are you sure?" He steps close and places his mouth against my ear.
"What I'd really like to do is rip your clothes off and take you right here in front of everyone," he murmurs so no one else can hear and I laugh nervously. I know I must be bright red. "That was one of the sexiest things you've ever done."
"You think?"
"I know."
"Later then, baby," I whisper then give him a tender kiss.
"We get it, we get it!" Zeke jovially teases for all to hear. "You love each other. You don't have to make out in front of us. Oh! Your kids don't like it either." I turn and see all three of them with their hands over their eyes. "Smart kids!" Zeke covers his eyes, too. Laughter cuts through the awkward silence. I shake my head and roll my eyes then follow Tobias to our table. Within a minute my interruption is forgotten, at least for the time being, and chatter echoes around the space once again.
"Thanks, Zeke," I softly say. I take my plate from Tobias after I sit down and he slides in beside me.
"No problem," he says.
"Mommy, are you okay?" Tyler asks, his eyes wide. I glance at Tessa and she's wearing a similar face. Thankfully, Teags is more concerned with what Liam is doing at the moment to worry about my outburst.
"I'm fine now," I say. "It's been a very long week and I got frustrated with some people but I feel much better now."
"You sure?" he asks.
"I'm sure, buddy," I say. "Please don't worry about me."
"Okay," he says. He turns his attention back to his nearly empty plate and I look at my little one. She's frowning big time.
"Are you okay, Tessa?" I ask. She shakes her little head, looking like she's on the verge of tears. "You want to sit with me?"
"Yeah," she mumbles.
"Well, come here." She climbs down off of Avery's lap and runs around the table. I lift her into my arms and hug her tightly. "Is that better?" She nods against my chest then yawns widely. "Do you want the rest of your food?"
"I full," she says.
"Okay." I'm surprised she's not asking for cake.
"What you did took real guts, Tris," Avery says. I flush slightly as my friends all nod in agreement.
"We all knew you were strong but you showed a special kind of strength just now," Ana says. "No one's going to mess with you or Four anymore."
I start to say I didn't do what I did because I was being strong. I did it because I was really pissed off but instead I ask, "You think?"
"Definitely," Tobias says. "I'm proud of you, and you were right. That should have been said the minute the rumors got out of hand."
"You all heard that," I say, looking up and down the table. "You're all my witnesses. He just told me I was right!" We all laugh heartily as I try to lighten the heavy mood that's blanketed the table.
"The rumors should die down now," he says.
"They should have died down by themselves," I say. "I'm still worried about why they didn't." I push my now empty plate away. I'm surprised I didn't inhale it, too.
"You think someone in particular is maliciously spreading the rumors?" Christina asks. "Why would they do that?" Why indeed. I look at Tobias and he nearly imperceptibly shakes his head. I doubt anyone else notices it.
"It's just speculation," I say. "We don't know why this happened."
"Can I have cake?" Tessa asks.
"Me, too!" Teags and Tyler say at the same time.
"I'll get it," Tobias says.
"So, what did the doctor say is causing the bruising?" Christina asks.
"Anemia," I say. Tobias brings two huge slices of cake back to the table. He cuts one into three equal slices and divvies them up between the kids then hands me a fork so we can share the other slice.
"Thanks!" Tyler says. Tessa and Teags both say, "Tanks, Dadda." They all heartily dig in.
"Anemia, huh? I had that when I was pregnant," Christina says. I immediately choke on the bite of cake I just took.
"Ugh! Went down the wrong pipe." I sputter and cough trying to clear my partially blocked airway. Finally, a small granule of chocolate cake flies out of my mouth and lands on Brody's shirt letting me breathe again. He knocks it off with a flick of the wrist.
"Are you all right, love?" Tobias asks as he pats my back.
"Mama, otay?" Tessa asks, her eyes wide with worry. Tyler and Teags are both staring at me as well.
"I'm fine. I promise," I say to all of them, still coughing. "I just sucked in some cake instead of chewing it. That was very silly of me." I look towards my best friend and she narrows her eyes at me. It's like she knows. "Zander gave me iron supplements. I have to go back next Monday to see if my levels are any better."
"Mm-hm," she says. She's obviously suspicious by the inconvenient timing of my choking. "Did he give you a reason for it?"
"He told me there were hundreds of causes of anemia. Apparently, I'm iron deficient. That's really all I know." I hold her stare, not backing down. I have to get her to back down. We're definitely not ready to announce our news just yet.
"Well, I hope it helps," she says.
"Hey, did you guys have fun after we left last night?" Tobias asks, rescuing me from Christina's interrogation. "What else happened?"
"We played a couple more rounds but no one was really in the mood anymore," Shauna says. "My idiot little brother kind of took the wind out of our sails. It just wasn't fun after his outburst."
"Did he give an explanation after we left?" I ask. "Why is he acting this way?"
"He wouldn't talk to us," Lynn says and Shauna agrees with her.
"I tried to talk to him, too, but he looks at Ana and me as outsiders," Brody says. "I thought your plan of having him train with the transfers was working. He fought it at first but after a few days he started showing great improvement but now he's back to sullen, distant, and resistant."
"I'm worried about him," Shauna sighs. "I know to you guys he's just a major pain in the ass but he's my baby brother and he's not acting like himself. At. All."
"I'll talk to him tomorrow," Tobias says.
"Are you sure that's wise?" Lynn asks.
"He has to answer for his behavior," I say.
"Oh, I know he does. That's not what I meant," she says. "I don't know why his attitude has changed all of a sudden but it seems like he's taking his aggression out on you two. Maybe it would be best to let James or Will take care of it."
"The well-being of this faction and all its members, initiates, and dependents ultimately falls on my shoulders," Tobias says. "Sometimes it's a heavy weight to bear. Something is obviously troubling him, and I intend to get to the bottom of it before he does something drastic enough to get himself kicked out or worse."
"You're right," she says.
I gently caress Tessa's hair as I listen to the conversation shift to a new topic and then another. Teags makes her way to Tobias and within minutes I realize both our girls are fast asleep. Tobias motions to Tyler, and I see his head swaying, his eyes half closed.
"Looks like we need to get three sleepy kids home," he says.
"I not tired," Tyler says but his eyes are betraying him.
"Can you manage the girls and I'll get Tyler?" I ask. He looks like he wants to argue with me but doesn't. He just gives me a concerned look. I know what he's thinking because the same thought crosses my mind. Should I be lifting him? "I'll be fine." We get to our feet and after he shifts Teags into one arm I carefully put Tessa in the other. Thankfully neither of them wake up. I walk to the other side of the table and reach for Tyler. "Come on, buddy." The minute I lift him into my arms he lays his head on my shoulder and closes his eyes.
"They played hard at the park today," Tobias tells our friends then we say our goodbyes.
The moment we step onto the busy Pit floor, I can tell there's a big difference in the tone of the crowd. People are still taking a special interest in us but I'm not seeing as many hateful glares aimed at my husband. Now they're mostly curious glances. I'm hopeful that the rumors will die down over the next day or two and life can get back to normal.
"Are you okay?" Tobias quietly asks when we're halfway up the path.
"Yeah," I say.
"Isn't he getting too heavy for you to carry?"
"I will carry him for as long as I can," I say. I firm my grip up on Tyler and kiss his forehead.
"Maybe we should switch," he says.
"How without waking them all?"
"You've got a point," he murmurs. "It was easier when they were littler."
"What's it going to be like when there's two more?" I say after I make sure no one is within hearing distance.
"I don't know," he says. "Two double strollers and never let Tyler fall asleep in public ever again. You probably shouldn't carry him anymore."
"I know you're right," I say. "I'll do my best not to in the future but I can't make any promises, especially if he needs me."
"I understand."
"He's growing up so fast," I say, sadness thick in my voice. "Is it wrong for me to want him to be my little boy forever?"
"No. That's how I feel about all three of them," he says. "There have been so many times I wish we could just stop the clock or rewind it for just a little bit."
"I know what you mean."
We continue softly talking as we wind our way back up to our apartment. I fish the keys out of Tobias' front pocket since I never thought to take mine when we hurriedly left this afternoon. I easily unlock our front door and tuck the keys back in his pocket. We waste no time taking the kids upstairs. I go into Tyler's room and change him into his PJs without waking him then tuck him in.
"Goodnight, my sweet boy," I quietly say as I kiss his forehead. "I love you to the moon and back." I flip the switch on his nightlight then head to the nursery. Teagan starts crying just as I walk into the room.
"Can you get her?" Tobias whispers as he's changing Tessa into a training diaper and her PJs. I pick Teags up out of her crib and sit down in the rocking chair. I lie her across my body with her head resting on my chest like I used to do when I nursed her. She opens her eyes and looks up at me.
"Mama," she whines. I run my fingers softly over her face.
"You go back to sleep, baby girl," I murmur as I gently rock her. "Mommy's got you." A small smile turns up her lips as she closes her eyes. I continue stroking her face and hair until Tobias has Tessa tucked in her crib.
"Do you want me to take her?" he asks.
"No. I'll rock her for a little while longer then get her ready for bed," I say. "I'll meet you downstairs." He leans over and presses his lips to mine.
"Take your time, love." I watch as he exits the room and I can't help but smile. I love that man with all my heart. I look down at Teags and the look on her face reminds me of Tobias. She may look almost exactly like me but she's taking on more and more of his mannerisms. I'm used to seeing a Tobias smile on either Tyler or Tessa's face but it's still strange to see one on Teags. I wonder if the new babies will have his smile, too. Twins! I still can't believe this is happening. It feels like a strange but wonderful dream.
After I'm convinced that moving Teags won't wake her, I get up and lie her on the changing table. I take her out of her clothes and put her in a training diaper and PJs. I carefully put her in the middle of the crib then step back. We're definitely going to have to set up their room now. I hope it won't be too soon for her. I kiss her head then Tessa's then seek out Tobias. He's lounging on the couch staring off into space.
"Something on your mind?" I ask.
"Not really," he says as he shakes his head. "Just relaxing."
"How about some music?" I ask.
"That sounds nice," he says. I turn the stereo on to a soothing station and set the volume to low. When I turn back around he's holding his hand out to me. "Sit with me, love." He's got one leg stretched out across the couch and the other sitting on the floor. I move around the coffee table and he pulls me down to sit in front of him, my back to his front. I prop my feet up next to his, and his arms automatically encircle me.
"This is nice," I sigh.
"It is," he says, nuzzling my neck. "We haven't taken the time to just lounge around for a long time."
"We have three kids," I murmur. "We usually don't have five extra free minutes to just sit together and do absolutely nothing."
"You got that right."
"Baby, what's it going to be like when there are five of them?" I ask, a seed of anxiety roots in my chest. "We're already outnumbered."
"We'll deal with it," he says. "Remember when we didn't think we could handle three of them at once when Teagan was born? We learned and I think we do all right now."
"How did we not know? I've been a mess for weeks now," I admit. "I should have known."
"The IUD gave us a false sense of security," he says.
"I guess you're right," I sigh.
"I'm always right." His sultry voice against my ear makes me shudder. He slowly glides a hand up and palms one cotton-covered breast.
"Baby, as much as I would love to, I'm exhausted," I say, covering his hand with mine. I lace our fingers together and drag it away. I feel a low groan reverberate against my neck and then an open mouth kiss.
"That's all right, love," he says. "We'll just sit here like this." We quietly talk, lightly laugh, softly kiss, and relish being in each other's arms. One minute I'm thoroughly enjoying our uninterrupted, relaxing evening together and the next I feel myself being moved. I open my eyes just as Tobias lifts me into his arms. I sigh against his neck as we ascend the stairs.
"Let's get you into bed." He carries me into our bedroom and gently lies me down on the mattress.
"Did I fall asleep?" I groggily ask, confused.
"You sure did," he says. After a soft kiss, he pulls the sheet up to cover my body then turns to walk away.
"Where are you going?"
"I have a couple hours of work to do."
"Stay. Please," I plead. "Work can wait until tomorrow."
"It's important, Tris," he says. "We're under a tight deadline on the new building. There are still dozens of decisions to make. I won't make anyone else factionless without cause." He hates the old rules about aging Dauntless as much as I do.
"Can you at least stay with me until I fall asleep?" I ask. "I don't sleep well without you here. I want your arms around me."
"I can't say no to you," he murmurs. He walks to his side of the bed and after taking his shirt off, he slips between the cool sheets. I immediately snuggle close to his body, resting my head on his bare chest as he puts his arm around me.
"Thank you," I say with a content sigh. "I love you so much, Tobias."
"I love you, too, Tris," he says, his lips brushing my forehead. "Goodnight, love."
"'Night, baby," I murmur, sleep already capturing me.
