Chapter 3

Ed strolled his way out of the terminal at LAX and squinted at the monitors telling him where to find his bag. Not one to typically check luggage, Ed was already annoyed, but trying to find his flight among the plethora of options in a busy Los Angeles airport made it worse. Finally spotting his flight number and carousel, he secured his carry-on to his shoulder and made his way towards baggage claim. On the way, he felt his phone vibrate and smiled, sliding it out of his pocket.

"Hey, Liv," he said, barely having to glance at his phone to notice her smiling face pressed against Noah's. He set that particular shot as her caller ID picture a couple of months ago after a trip to the Central Park Zoo.

"Hey," she breathed. "How was the flight?"

"Not bad. Cleaned out my email," he reported before scrunching his face up. "The bourbon was terrible." Olivia let out a chuckle which made Ed smile a little more before continuing the conversation. "What are you up do?

"Filling out this authorization for the new pediatrician and Noah's shots," she reported, scrutinizing the information she had already put down.

"I'm surprised you switched over."

"I did a little digging," she admitted which caused Ed to grin. He had known deep down that she wasn't too fond of the doctor Noah had been using, but was reluctant to switch. She had claimed it was for continuity, but he suspected that another reason was she was afraid that finding Noah a new pediatrician would further strengthen Olivia's bond to him, making it even more excruciating if for some reason the little boy was taken from her. "She's supposed to be excellent," Olivia continued, snapping Ed out of his worst-case-scenario thoughts. "We'll give it a chance."

Ed fidgeted as he arrived at the carousel. Talking to Olivia relieved his impatience at the airport, but despite working to only focus on her voice, the place was busy, loud, and his eyes couldn't help but dart around. "You'll let me know how it goes?"

Olivia paused, causing Ed some anxiety. Had he crossed a line too soon?

"Liv?"

"Oh, sorry, got caught up in one of these questions," she said quickly, correctly sensing his worry and soothing it. "Of course I will" Her voice was warm, instantly soothing Ed's worry.

"Good." Just as Ed was about to open his mouth, he heard a loud, familiar behind him.

"DAD!"

Spinning around, phone still to his ear, Ed saw an enthusiastic Emma, bounding towards him from the automatic doors into the terminal. Her smile was bright and her ponytail was bouncing everywhere as she zig-zagged through the crowd.

"Liv, I gotta run," he said quickly, feeling badly for the abrupt ending but elated and surprised at the greeting.

"Go," she said, and he could almost hear her smiling. "Have fun. Be safe. Call us later."

"I will," he said, hitting end and sliding his phone back into his jeans pocket. "Hey sweetheart."

"Hi Dad," Emma said breathlessly, wrapping Ed in a tight hug and patting his back. He held her there for a few minutes before the blaring of the buzzer signaling his luggage would be arriving soon startled them both. "Did you bring Nate's jacket?" His eldest had left his semi-warm rain jacket in New York when he visited back in March, forgot it again in May, and realizing he might want it in San Francisco requested that Ed bring it with him when he visited.

"Why do you think I had to check my bag," he grumbled, keeping his arm around Emma's shoulders and looking for his suitcase. "How'd you even get here? And…is your hair lighter?"

"I got highlights," she reported simply. "And I Uber'd."

Ed smirked and eyed Emma out of the corner of his eyes. "What's an Uber?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"Dad," Emma said with a sigh, rolling her eyes. Ed just laughed and pulled her tighter. "You're such a dork."


The elevator dinged as Fin and Olivia stepped off, having returned from Tribeca Academy ahead of Carisi and Rollins.

"This is gonna be a mess," Fin mumbled, bypassing his desk and decidedly making himself comfortable in Benson's office instead. She dropped her bag and went to power up her laptop. Feeling a little out of sorts, she immediately stood back up and took the three steps over to her coffee station.

"Caffeine?" She asked simply. Fin nodded and she turned back around, not saying much.

"Ya alright, Liv?"

"I'm fine," she reported softly, adding the appropriate amount of sugar and cream to her cup, still waiting for the coffee to brew. "But you're right," she admitted. "This will be messy."

"Glad I wasn't a teenager with all this technology," he noted. "It's all so gray. How do you find the line between kids messing up, letting them learn from it, and moving on and kids messing up, but they learn from it within the legal system?"

Olivia handed him a full mug and moved back around to sit at her desk, pushing her laptop aside and staring into her coffee cup.

"I wish I knew," she replied. "But we have to do our jobs."

Fin didn't say anything for a while. Olivia reached over to check her phone, a small smile forming on her face as she noticed a message from Ed. Opening it up, she found two pictures: one of the Pacific Ocean, seemingly from some kind of cliff, and the other was a selfie of him with his kids.

"That Tucker?" Fin asked, his voice half teasing and half biting.

"It is. He's in California," she allowed, further studying the pictures and mumbling, "They all have the same face…"

"Liv, I still don't get it," Fin finally said exasperatedly. "Tucker almost ruined your career."

Olivia just shrugged. "People change. He was just doing his job."

"He didn't have to be a jackass, though," Fin said in an almost resentful tone. Olivia's eyes snapped up from her phone and narrowed at her detective and long time friend. "Once a jackass…"

"Hey," Olivia snapped, interrupting Fin mid sentence. "Have you ever thought about why he may have been that way?"

Fin scrunched up his face. "Why would I do that? Aw, don't go excusing his shit, Liv."

"Did it ever occur to you that he was just doing his job? Following evidence, just like we do? That his job and other things such as a divorce, his kids moving across the country, and a bunch of dumbass NYPD cops making the rest of us look bad might have hardened him? How many cases do we see daily? How many times are we sure we are in the right, but actually we get it all wrong? How often do you go home, jaded and frustrated? You think we're the only ones?"

Fin fidgeted under the glare of his boss. He had clearly struck a nerve, but at the same time he had been wanting to get a little perspective on this budding relationship. There was a protective nature to his feelings about Olivia, and Ed Tucker, in his mind, had always meant heart ache and trouble for his friend. He had to admit she had a point, but he wasn't quite ready to sign off.

"Maybe you can ease up on him," she retorted. "People are the way they are for a reason…most of the time, at least. We all have our own shit, Fin. Ed has had my back for a few months now, even a little longer when I really think about it. And he hasn't faltered. Not once."

Narrowing his eyes, Fin stared at Olivia for a little while. "You keepin' him around?"

Olivia shrugged, picking up her phone and looking at the pictures again to try and erase the burst of anger she just released.

"I hope so."


Later that night, Olivia was turning out the lights around the apartment. Barefoot, she padded around decluttering a little before deciding she could do it later and retreating to her room. Falling into bed, she peered over at Noah's crib as she stretched out. Olivia tried for over an hour to fall asleep and when she couldn't, rolled over, grabbed her phone which was plugged in sitting on her nightstand, and shot Ed a text message. A few minutes later, his face popped up on caller ID and she smiled. Ed only resorted to text when they were working. If he was given any chance to hear her voice, instead of read her thoughts digitally, he would take it.

"Hey," she said softly, making her way back out of her bedroom. Olivia curled up on the couch, covered her legs with a blanket, and put the phone on speaker. "What are you up to?"

"Just finished dinner," he reported. "I'm back at the hotel now. Kids are here, insisting on a few card games before they head home."

"Oh," she said, slightly disappointed that their conversation may not last but trying not to let it come through in her tone. "I didn't meant to interrupt."

"You're never interrupting me, Olivia Benson," he said plainly, sensing she had a need to hear his voice. It was one of his new favorite feelings, realizing that Olivia Benson was slowly allowing herself to want him around. "As much as I missed their bickering, I don't mind a short break. Especially if that break includes being able to talk to you."

Olivia chuckled and laid her head down on the arm of the couch. "Leaving for San Francisco tomorrow?"

"Yep," he said. "Driving solo in the U-Haul, as Emma refuses to ride with me. Apparently Nate is a less aggressive driver."

"Poor baby" she lamented, feeling her eyes grow heavy as she listened to Ed's voice. It was steady, firm yet soft, and just what she needed to finally let her body relax.

"Yeah," he said, then continued on telling her about their day and their plans for the days ahead. Ed eventually heard her breathing even out slightly, signaling she was ready to drift off. "Getting sleepy?"

"A little." Olivia stifled a yawn and heard Ed snicker.

"Go to sleep, Olivia," he whispered. She could picture his face, eyes matching his voice as he softly encouraged her to rest. "I'll check in tomorrow."

"Okay," she responding, another yawn taking over. "G'night, Ed."

Olivia hung up the phone and settled down on the couch, her exhaustion finally winning over. She didn't want to move for fear of waking herself back up, but also because she found her empty bed to be disappointing. She and Ed hadn't been sleeping together often, but for some reason his recent absence deeply affected her. Olivia missed him, and her last thought before she drifted off was how she wished she could get Noah a room of his own before Ed returned.


"And who was that?" Emma asked, her eyes sparkling as she ribbed her father. Nate just shook his head, shuffling a deck of cards at the small table in Ed's hotel suite.

Ed sat down, took a sip of his root beer, and cleared his throat. "It was Olivia."

Emma smirked, one almost identical to Ed's, and she elbowed him. "Been talking to her a lot, haven't ya?"

"Define 'a lot'," he mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with being questioned by his youngest.

"Oh come on, Dad," she said. "Admit you have a girlfriend."

Ed said nothing.

"Well? Are you going to tell us anything other than her name is Olivia and she's NYPD?"

Ed shifted, cleared his throat, and played with the coaster that his beverage sat on. "Her name is Olivia and she's NYPD," he deadpanned, causing Nate to let out a laugh and Emma to groan. He eventually relented. "She has a foster son, Noah, who is eight months old. Doesn't have other family. Used to work non-stop until she got Noah. She still works non-stop, but she was born to be a mother. She's funny, cares deeply, has the strongest moral compass I've ever seen, and she's just…um…," Ed stammered, realizing he had rambled a bit more than he had planned with his kids. Not knowing how to conclude his endless thoughts on Olivia Benson, he settled for a simple "great."

Both Nate and Emma watched their father light up as he finally disclosed information to them. It had been a long time since they'd seen him happy. He would always smile and laugh when they hung out, but they could see the light in his eyes dim as they were getting ready to leave.

"You really care about her, don't you Dad," Nate asked softly, passing the deck of cards over to Emma. Ed took another sip of his drink and nodded.

"I do."

The trio let that admission sit there for a little while before the mischievous smile returned to Emma's face.

"We're gonna have to go souvenir shopping, Daddy," she said with a shrug. "You have to bring your girlfriend back a present when you travel, and you really suck at shopping."

Ed grunted and leaned back in his chair, nodding towards the deck of cards. "Stop talking and deal."


Several days later, Nick Amaro heaved a box of files onto Olivia's counter and pretended to wipe sweat from his brow.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Buck up and give me an update, Amaro."

The two detectives filled her in on the latest developments with the rainbow party case as she paged through a few folders, her glasses on the edge of her nose. The three talked a little while longer before a soft cry came from the back of the apartment. Nick reached for the files, assuming Olivia would need to go check on Noah.

"Lucy's here," she informed them. "She's helping out a little bit. I don't need to give Chief any reason to rescind his offer for me to working from home until Noah is cleared."

"How's he doing?" Fin asked, showing a rare instance of concern.

"Sluggish, but seems okay," Olivia reported.

"Ed know what's going on?" Fin let the question slip before he could stop. Olivia's eyes shot up and narrowed, trying to decipher if it was genuine or not. "I'm just askin'," he said, his hands up in surrender. "Mean nothin' by it."

"He does," she said, going back to the files and pretending to read them but her mind was already wandering. "He's checking in more than usual."

"Worried?" Nick asked, his interested peaked hearing the Lieutenant disclose a slight amount of personal information.

"We both are," she admitted. "He offered to come back early, but that's ridiculous. We're fine and he gets back tomorrow."

Fin and Amaro eyed each other, both out of continued incredulous at how close Ed and Olivia seemed to be and also at Olivia's insistence that she was fine. Olivia's voice snapped them both out of their thoughts.

"Now, tell me where Barba is in all of this." The personal conversation was over. It was back to work.


"Sure you're okay that I'm leavin' a day early?" Ed asked one last time, throwing the last of his clothes into his suitcase and zipping it up. Emma had departed early that morning in order to make it back for soccer practice, Nate had started up orientation at Stanford, and aside from one last dinner with his son, Ed found himself on his own in San Francisco. He had been checking in frequently with Olivia and the last call they had he could hear the worry in her voice. Quickly checking with the airline, he made the call to change his flight and then phoned Nate who popped over to the hotel to say goodbye.

"Dad, it's fine," he assured Ed. "Some of the guys were going out tonight anyways, and I think I'm supposed to make friends or something," he teased.

Ed let out a little laugh and gave Nate a side hug. "Yeah, you are son."

"So, Emma and I will come out for Thanksgiving?"

"You two can come see me anytime you want," he said, his voice suddenly soft and serious. "But in the meantime, I'll try to figure out how to make a turkey."

Nate ribbed Ed. "Or maybe Olivia knows how?"

Ed rolled his eyes and gripped Nate's shoulder, making eye contact with his son. "Nate, I want you to have a good time at college. Make some friends, have some fun, learn a lot. But you better be responsible. If you're at a party and there's drinking and girls…"

"I know, Dad."

"I know that you know. But I'm tellin' ya again. Do not drive and you better make sure she is one-hundred percent a willing participant."

"Yes sir."

"Okay then," Ed said, releasing Nate's shoulder and pulling him in for a hug. "I love you, son."

"Love you too, Dad."

A few hours later, Ed boarded his flight back to New York City. Quickly checking his voicemail and text messages and seeing nothing, he powered off his phone, ordered a drink, and looked out the window. A smile grew on his face as he imagined the surprised look on Olivia's face when he showed up at her apartment a day ahead of planned. He couldn't wait.


"Noah…" Olivia croaked, running down the corridor of the hospital's pediatric emergency wing alongside Noah's doctor and the medical staff.

Minutes earlier, Lucy ran out to Olivia announcing that Noah was struggling to breath. Ignoring Olivia's order to dial 9-1-1, Fin pulled the car up to the door of the building and peeled away, Nick barking unnecessary directions with a frantic Olivia and crying Noah in the back seat. Lights on, Fin navigated the streets like a pro, finally pulling up into the ambulance bay of the emergency room and pulling up half on the sidewalk. Not wasting any time, Nick hopped out before the car was in park, opened the back door, and watched Olivia rush into the ER with a crying Noah.

"We need to get him some fluids," the doctor said, hovering by Noah and unintentionally blocking Olivia's access to him. She was trying desperately to reach Noah and soothe him. He was crying, reaching for her, but was whisked quickly into a sterile room with other medical professionals ready and waiting to treat him. Planning on following them in, Olivia jumped with Dr. Lee lightly grabbed her arm and held her back.

"You'll need to wait out here," she said calmly.

"But he's my…I need to be with him."

"Noah is in good hands," she said. "I'll be back out once we have him stable and you can be with him. Let us do our jobs, Olivia."

The door clicked shut and Olivia felt her chest tighten. She leaned against the window, watching her son cry harder as the medical team poked around and got him changed into a hospital diaper and shirt.

"Noah…" she whispered, tears beginning to drip down her face. Terrified, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed Ed but it went straight to voicemail. Not thinking twice, she left him a message, voice trembling, saying Noah was in the emergency room and to call her as soon as he could. Olivia put her phone back into her pocket and kept her eyes on Noah. As soon as they closed the curtains and cut off her view, her face crumbled.

"Liv…"

Olivia turned around and saw Nick, coffee in hand. He gently led her over to a group of chairs and they sat down. He handed Olivia her cup and they sat in silence for a little bit.

"You don't have to stay here," she said quietly, staring down at the lid of her coffee.

"I know I don't," he said.

"I can't reach Ed…" she mumbled, pulling her phone out yet again and making the call. After it went to voicemail, she cursed under her breath and sent him a text to call her immediately, but the sent message stayed green. It was unlike Ed to not be accessible and responsive to her. Olivia closed her eyes, head falling back against the white walls of the hospital hallway. She kept a tight grip on her phone, willing Ed to call her back.

"He'll call you back, Liv," Nick assured her, hoping Ed Tucker would come through. "It's gonna be okay."