Chapter 4

Seconds after landing, Ed turned his phone on and was immediately met with texts and voicemails from Olivia. Heart dropping, he didn't actually check any of them. Ed hit her speed dial number as the plane slowly made it's way towards their gate.

"Ed." His heart nearly snapped in two as he heart the tone and tears in her voice.

"What happened? What's wrong?"

"It's Noah…he's…well he wasn't breathing well, so we brought him to the hospital and now he's back there and I can't see him…"

"Okay," Ed said, rubbing his face and looking around frantically, as if somehow he could just deplane immediately instead of waiting for it to park. "I just landed…I'll grab my bag and come straight there."

"I…" Olivia began before realizing something. "You just landed?"

"Yeah," he said, having momentarily forgotten he was planning on surprising her and suddenly feeling a wave of guilt that she had been on her own and scared while he was unreachable. "That's why I didn't answer the phone. I was mid-air, Liv, I'm so sorry. But I'm gonna be there soon, okay?"

"Okay," she said softly. "It's…I'm fine. If you need to run home and shower, or whatever."

"Not a chance," he growled, refusing to let her be alone in this any longer. "I'll hurry."

Not wanting to hang up on her, but needing to focus on getting off the plane, grabbing his bag, and finding the fastest Uber driver available, Ed reluctantly bid her goodbye and scurried up the jetway, beating himself up the entire way to baggage claim that he hadn't been there.

"I'm coming, Olivia. I'm coming."


"Hi sweet boy," Olivia cooed, hovering over the plastic sides to the crib containing Noah. He was looking rather pathetic, clothed only in a diaper, oxygen affixed to his mouth, and wires extending from his little balled fist. His lower lip trembled at the site of Olivia and he moved his arms slowly, requesting to be picked up. "Here we go, Noah," Olivia whispered, reaching down and gingerly picking him up and cradling him to her chest and making sure the oxygen stayed in place. "I've gotcha. You're okay."

She stayed standing with Noah, softly swaying back and forth, humming a tune in his ear. They must have been like that for a while as the opening of the pediatric bay door startled both of them, causing Noah to fuss a little.

"Shh, shh, shh. It's just the nurse checking on you, baby," Olivia said, turning around and giving the nurse a hopeful look. She desperately needed some good news, or even semi-good news. And she was also hoping she wouldn't be admonished for taking Noah out of his bed.

"You shouldn't be in here," the nurse reported. "Snuggle him a little while longer and then I need to get his vitals again. He needs to be resting, letting the calming drugs take effect so we can do what we need to do. And he doesn't need any contact with potential outside germs."

"He reached for me," Olivia whispered, a desperation in her tone that the nurse was well familiarized with. She hated the thought that she was being labeled as a potential germ for her little boy, especially when he was so sick and scared. "He needs me."

"He does," the nurse conceded. "And you'll be allowed back here, officially, soon we hope. But for now I need to get his vitals and run a few more tests, okay?"

Olivia nodded, holding Noah tighter and rubbing his head with her cheek, occasionally placing kisses on his forehead. "It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna be right outside. I'm not going anywhere, okay Noah? I'm not going anywhere."

The nurse took Noah from Olivia with minimal protest. She watched, arms wrapped tightly around her waist, as the nurse put Noah back in his bed and hooked up a few machines to start monitoring him. Dr. Lee came in shortly after, squeezed Olivia's shoulder, and moved to look her in the eyes.

"Olivia, we need to keep him on the oxygen and get him stable. We're gonna run some tests," she explained. "An hour, maybe two…then you can see him again."

"I can't go with him?" Olivia asked, her voice full of tears.

"It won't be long. We'll keep you updated. You'll be in that little waiting area?"

Olivia nodded. "I'm not leaving."

She nearly stumbled out of Noah's room and stopped, placing one hand against the wall and allowing her shoulders to slump. She was willing away the tears. After a few moments, she straightened up and headed back into her assigned waiting area. It was more of an alcove containing a love seat with a lamp on either side, two chairs, a coffee table with outdated magazines, and a small coffee station. Olivia fixed herself a coffee and collapsed onto the love seat, picking her phone up off of the coffee table and checking to see where Ed's Uber was.

"How's he doing?" Amaro asked, leaning against the wall of the doorway to the alcove.

Olivia jumped, her coffee spilling slightly and her phone taking a hard tumble onto the floor. "Shit," she mumbled.

Nick hurried over and reached for napkins, moving to clean up the coffee as she grabbed her phone. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," she said absently, flipping her phone around in her hand. "I'm a little…yeah."

"Phone okay?"

"It's…off. Won't power back on," she said, knocking it around a little bit before letting it fall onto the coffee table. "Dammit!"

Head falling into her hands, Nick saw her shoulders begin to shake. He picked up the phone, fiddled with it a little bit, and sat down next to her while he worked.

"Ed's on his way," she mumbled. "He flew in a day early to surprise me. Us. That's why I couldn't reach him."

Still trying to get her phone back on, Nick didn't shift his vision even as he responded. "His son all settled in?

"I…I guess so? I didn't even think to ask," she whispered. "My head is…scattered."

"Hey," Nick said, finally powering her phone on and looking up into her worried eyes. "I didn't mean that to make you feel bad. Just…trying to keep your mind on something a little less scary."

Olivia gave him a small smile and patted his arm. "Thanks for being here, Nick."

He gave her a small smile and propped his feet up on the coffee table, leaning back as if he were there as long as she needed him. Olivia let out a deep sigh and allowed her head to fall back against the wall as she slumped down in the chair. Closing her eyes, she willed her tears away once again. She couldn't have been sitting there for more than fifteen minutes when she heard footsteps coming down the corridor. Hopeful it was Dr. Lee letting her know she could be back with Noah, she stood up and made her way out of the alcove and into the hallway. She stopped, relief filling her body as she saw Ed Tucker rushing towards her.

"Liv," he breathed out, tightly grasping her hands as he reached her. Ed pulled Olivia's body close, keeping their hands intertwined between them, and pressed his forehead to hers. "I'm here. I'm here, Liv."

"Ed…" she croaked, fighting her impending sobs. He just held her hands in silence, allowing her to move through her own emotions. After a few minutes, Olivia reluctantly stepped back and looked up at him, eyes watery and fearful. Ed moved his hands up and down her arms, trying to offer a little bit of comfort, and ducked his head slightly so he kept eye contact with her.

"What happened?"

Olivia bit her lip and shook her head a little bit, shoulders beginning to shake once more.

"Okay," Ed said, backtracking. "Let's sit down. Come on." He lead her over to the love seat where he finally noticed Amaro. Nick jumped to his feet.

"Hey, Lieutenant Tucker," he said, reaching out to shake his hand.

"Detective," he said, his tone sounding professional. "Thanks for sitting here with Olivia."

"Wasn't gonna let her sit here alone," he said, not meaning it to be a jab but it came out that way.

Tucker stiffened. Olivia gripped his hand a little tighter as if to assure him she wasn't upset and to also keep him from going at her detective. Nick, realizing his actions, tried to backtrack.

"I, uh," he stammered a little bit.

"I got it from here, Amaro. I'm sure the 1-6 needs you," Ed said, letting him know in no uncertain circumstances that he was there to stay and Nick was free to return to the squad room.

"Yeah," Nick said, gathering his jacket and making his way out of the alcove. As he passed Olivia, he reached out to her arm and squeezed gently. "Call me. Us. If you need anything, or if there are any updates on Noah."

"I will," she said softly. "Thanks, Nick."

He nodded and went to make his exit, but Ed's voice stopped him. "Detective?"

Nick turned around, unsure of what the lieutenant was going to say.

"Thank you."

Nick nodded at them both and left, leaving Olivia and Ed alone in the alcove.

"Here," Ed said, gently leading Olivia over to the love seat. "Sit with me. Talk to me." They both collapsed onto the sofa, Olivia leaning on Ed. He kept a hold of her hand, running his thumb along her palm and rested his chin on top of her head. "What's the update?"

"Right now it's just his breathing," she said, her voice slightly quivering but still sounding strong. "Dr. Lee is concerned that this measles exposure means he will contract it, given his immune system. They are running some more tests right now."

"Ya getting to see him?"

"For a few minutes," she said. "He was reaching for me. I held him for a minute or two before they kicked me out."

Ed felt her body tremble against him and he moved an arm around her shoulders, holding her a little bit tighter.

"It's been….hours, Ed. Hours."

Before Ed could respond, Dr. Lee appeared in the doorway. Olivia jumped up from the sofa and rounded the coffee table to greet the doctor. Ed followed closely, standing behind Olivia with his hands on her shoulders.

"How is he?" She asked, her voice betraying her desperation for a good report, but Dr. Lee's face seemed serious and Olivia felt her stomach drop. "Tell me…"

"Noah is sedated, and he is stabilized," she began, "but there are spots appearing around his mouth. First sign of measles."

"Oh God," Olivia said, her knees buckling a bit and she leaned back into Ed. He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "What happens next?"

"He'll likely form a rash and he'll need to stay here under observation with limited visitors and contact," she reported.

"Limited contact?" Ed asked, feeling Olivia's midsection begin to shake and her nails dig into the skin of his arms while she took in the news.

"He's not off limits," she explained. "But, just Olivia for now. The nurse will be back with a gown and bring you to him."

"Thank you," Olivia croaked and watched Dr. Lee make her exit before she turned around and buried her face in Ed's chest. "Ed…"

"Okay, Olivia," Ed said, rubbing her back and trying to find the right words. "You heard her. He's stable now. And they are going to take good care of him."

"I'm scared…"

"I know, Liv," he whispered. "I know."

Just then a nurse appeared, requesting that Olivia follow her. She looked up at Ed, her eyes red, puffy and pleading.

"Go," he encouraged. "I'll be right out here, whenever you get back."

Olivia smiled at him, squeezed his hand, leaned up to place a soft kiss on his cheek, and moved to follow the nurse. Once out of sight, Ed turned around and took in the room. Taking a deep breath, he poured himself a cup of lukewarm coffee and remained standing, keeping watch on their little corner of the hospital.


Ed was pacing the alcove on his phone, hand rubbing his forehead as he spoke with his partner about a current case, when Olivia returned to the room.

"Hey man, I gotta run," he said quickly. "Yeah, keep me updated." Ed tucked his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and moved towards Olivia. "How is he?"

"He's…asleep," she said, taking a deep breath and casting her eyes to the ceiling in an effort to continue keeping her tears at bay. "Resting. He seems…peaceful."

Ed just watched her for a few seconds before responding. "Well, that's a good thing."

"Yeah."

"What do you need? Are you hungry? Coffee? Water?"

Olivia just shook her head, wrapping her arms farther around her waist. "Just be here."

"I'm not goin' anywhere," he said simply. "Come on. Sit. I'll getcha some water."

Olivia sat on the love seat, tucking one leg under her and angling so she could face Ed. He handed her a paper cup and she took a few sips, before placing it on the coffee table and gripping his forearm.

"How are the kids?"

Ed, a little taken aback at the question given the situation, took a bit to answer. "Good. Nate is settled in. I'm sure he'll be fine. Emma is still…well, Emma."

Olivia couldn't help but smile as she saw Ed's face light up as he spoke about his kids.

"Are they going to come this way again anytime soon?" Olivia was still hopeful to meet them, though suddenly worried that maybe Ed felt they weren't quite there yet with their relationship.

"Thanksgiving, I hope," he responded, lifting her chin up with his finger to look into her eyes. "I was hoping…maybe we could all do Thanksgiving together?"

Smiling, Olivia's brief anxiety about meeting Nate and Emma dissipated. "I'd like that."

"Great," he said. "Good. 'Cause Nate doesn't think I can make a turkey…"

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Can you?"

"No."


A couple of weeks had passed and Noah was still under observation. His breathing had improved, as had his fever, but he was still having episodes of difficulty causing the doctors to keep him admitted. The longer he was in the hospital, the less accommodating Chief Dodds was being with Olivia. The pressure was mounting for her to return to work and help her squad wrap up the rainbow party case, leaving Olivia torn and emotional about where she was supposed to be. Terrified that the judge would rethink allowing her to care for Noah, she tried to keep her focus on being at the hospital for all four of the visiting hours each day, however, it was becoming more difficult. The stress of which was getting to Olivia and, by default, Ed.

"I just don't want him to be alone," she admitted one night as her and Ed cuddled on her couch. The television was playing a rerun of Seinfeld, but they had it on mute as neither one seemed interested in paying attention. "I keep thinking if I miss one visitation, that Judge Linden will hear about it and that will be it. I'll lose him…"

"Liv," Ed said, unsure if what he was about to say was honest, but he had to comfort her. "That's not gonna happen. You're doing the best you can. You've been there each time. Missing one…it won't ruin your adoption shot."

"He needs me," she said. "He needs me there. But Dodds…"

Ed stiffened at the mention of Chief Dodds. He assumed the pressure for Olivia to be at work was coming from her intense drive to get justice, but perhaps he had misjudged. "He botherin' you?"

Olivia shifted, unsure if she should continue. But she trusted Ed and could use some advice. "Not bothering, exactly," she admitted.

Ed turned to face her, grabbing her hands and looking her in the eyes. "Tell me."

"He needs me in the squad room more. In my office more," she began. "I don't think he trusts Rollins or Amaro yet, and Fin is…well…Fin. So my leaving three times a day, and being gone for at least an hour, isn't going over so well anymore."

"Liv…" Ed breathed out. "I had no idea he was on your case."

"He's not wrong," she argued. "I should be there. Who knows how long Noah is going to be kept for observation, but…I guess I had hoped he would be a little more…compassionate, at least, in his frustration."

"Olivia, look at me." Ed waited until she took a deep breath and lifted her head. "You can only do so much. Noah is your priority and he should be. Dodds needs to understand that."

"And if he doesn't?"

Ed twisted his lips and narrowed his eyes slightly. "He will."


Ed strolled into One Police Plaza the next morning in a crisp, dark gray suit. His freshly pressed white shirt and light blue tie accentuated his tanned skin and deepened the blue in his eyes. Paper coffee cup in hand from the outside cart, he made his way to the elevator, pressed his desired floor, and tapped his foot. The elevator dinged as he stepped off and quickly got his bearings. Seeing the office he wanted, he confidently strode up, tapped on the wooden door and waited for a faint "come in," before stepping in.

"Lieutenant Tucker," Dodds said, his eyes wide in surprise. "To what do I owe this…visit?"

Tucker sipped his coffee and cleared his throat, taking a few seconds to gather his thoughts.

"Just left the hospital with Liv. We were seeing Noah during the early morning visiting hours," he reported. "She's pretty strung out, ya know, trying to make sure she's with that little boy. And also trying to do what you're needing her to do."

Dodds remained expressionless. "And?"

Ed had to swallow a scoff. "And I would think you could ease up on her just a little bit."

Dodds stood up and stared at Ed. "I need her to close this case. I've got pressure from all over town about this. I can't have her half present. I need her to keep her head."

"Her son is in the hospital," Ed said, teeth gritted.

"Foster son," Dodds corrected. It took all of Ed's strength not to jump the desk at that statement. Instead, he took another sip of coffee and straightened his posture.

"Ease up on her, Bill." Ed's IAB tone had returned, as had his glare. He took a few more seconds to stare at the man in front of him and watched his face soften, if not flinch, as Ed stayed unflappable in his defense of Olivia. Finally, Chief Dodds nodded and sat back down, signaling the conversation was over.

"Have a good day," Ed muttered as he spun on his heels and headed towards the elevator. As he stepped out into the morning sun to head uptown where his presence had been requested, his phone vibrated. "Hey Emma," he said, smiling and tossing his empty coffee cup.

"Dad! How's Noah?"

Ed's heart warmed, hearing the concern in his daughter's voice. He had mentioned a few times to his kids about Noah's condition, and they seemed genuinely worried and made sure to check in daily.

"He's gettin' better. Saw him this morning. He was laughing a little."

"You finally got cleared to go in?"

"Yep," he said. "And he hadn't even forgotten me."

Ed's voice was teasing, but he had been slightly concerned that he would drift out of Noah's little head after not being around for a bit. But that hadn't been a problem. The little boy immediately reached for him when he entered that morning.

"You're unforgettable, Dad," Emma said, snapping him out of the pleasant memory.

"That's one way to put it," he muttered. "It's early for you, kiddo, what's up?"

"Early soccer practice before school. I'm in an Uber. Ya know, the car service thing?"

Ed just laughed. "Ah. Yes. Uber. Well, have a good day sweetheart."

"You too. Love you!"

Emma hung up the phone before Ed could return the "I love you," but the smile on his face still grew. As he got into his cruiser and started the engine, Ed's mind couldn't help but wander to a moment in time in which perhaps all of them, Olivia and Noah included, could be together. A family.

"One step at a time, Tucker," he said to himself. "One step at a time."


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